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1
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:04,004
2
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,702
[wind howling]
3
00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:08,008
- Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers.
4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,487
It's really comin' down
out there.
5
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,359
Now, I'm not
a licensed meteorologist,
6
00:00:11,402 --> 00:00:14,405
but I believe the technical
term is snowy AF.
7
00:00:14,449 --> 00:00:16,277
For anyone stocking up,
we are limiting
8
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,019
all water purchases
to one case per person,
9
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:21,151
and that does include
coconut water,
10
00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,762
watermelon water,
cucumber water,
11
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,895
aloe water,
probiotic water,
12
00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:27,027
and electric water,
13
00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:28,202
which is something
I just made up
14
00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:30,073
but you probably got
all excited about.
15
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:33,163
And if anybody lost
a blue hair thingie,
16
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,687
please come pick it up
at customer service.
17
00:00:35,731 --> 00:00:37,515
- Oh, that's mine!
18
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,039
- What?
19
00:00:39,082 --> 00:00:41,867
[overlapping chatter]
20
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:44,870
[upbeat music]
21
00:00:44,914 --> 00:00:46,698
♪
22
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,701
[quirky music]
23
00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:54,228
♪
24
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,274
- The snow
is already at my knees
25
00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:59,494
and shows no signs
of slowing.
26
00:00:59,537 --> 00:01:02,497
I know it doesn't look
very high, but, once again,
27
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:06,283
I'm 6'7", so it would be
above the waist
28
00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:08,111
of a normal size person.
29
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,331
- So much for global warming.
30
00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:13,377
- Actually, this--this
is direct proof of the--
31
00:01:13,421 --> 00:01:15,466
nope, I'm not gonna
take the bait.
32
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,120
- I knew this blizzard
was coming a week ago
33
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:19,470
'cause my macaw
started having diarrhea.
34
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:22,604
- Don't all birds
diarrhea all the time?
35
00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:23,692
- Not like this.
36
00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:24,867
- Hey, Glenn?
- Mm-hmm?
37
00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:27,217
- Um, it's really bad
out there.
38
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,393
Do you think maybe we could
all go home early?
39
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,178
- Well, we're supposed
to stay open till 11:00.
40
00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:33,397
- Come on, the only people
left in the store are us
41
00:01:33,441 --> 00:01:35,225
and a few sample suckers.
42
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:36,313
- Okay, you know what, yeah,
43
00:01:36,357 --> 00:01:38,750
I could give corporate
a call, sure.
44
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,317
So much for
global warming, huh?
45
00:01:40,361 --> 00:01:42,145
- It's not--
it's not global warming.
46
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,364
It's climate change.
- Shh.
47
00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:44,930
- No, but, if anything,
this is proof...
48
00:01:44,974 --> 00:01:47,150
- Shh.
- This--
49
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:50,719
- [shivering]
50
00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:52,460
- Jerry.
51
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:54,114
- Sandra, hi.
52
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,638
- Hi.
What are you--
53
00:01:56,681 --> 00:02:00,032
- Oh, you are a lifesaver.
54
00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:01,425
Mmm.
[kisses]
55
00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:03,123
I ran out of vape juice.
56
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,733
- It's really bad out there.
57
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:06,822
I hit some ice and almost
skidded into a pet cem--
58
00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:09,346
- Oh, this is cotton candy.
59
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,609
I asked you for candy cane.
60
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,263
- Oh, sorry.
61
00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:14,873
- [sighs]
Whatever.
62
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:16,658
I guess I don't matter.
63
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,489
- Bye.
64
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:22,620
- Bye.
65
00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,930
- Oh, you look so sad
right now.
66
00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:30,193
It's, like, haunting.
67
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,673
Can I take your picture?
68
00:02:31,716 --> 00:02:33,501
- Okay.
69
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,722
- Oh, now you just look
like a sad clown.
70
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:39,159
- I can do it.
71
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,291
- No, it's fine.
The moment's passed.
72
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,598
- It is really
coming down out there,
73
00:02:43,641 --> 00:02:46,296
and I'm worried about people
making it home safely.
74
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,124
- Oh, of course,
the most important thing
75
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,473
is the safety
of our employees.
76
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,388
- Exactly, so, uh, I was hoping
77
00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,869
I could let everyone go
a little early?
78
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:56,219
- Oh, wouldn't that be
such a sweet gesture?
79
00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,309
- Uh-huh, it--it would be, yes.
80
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:01,355
- Well, if you need
anything at all,
81
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:02,660
we're here for you and, uh,
82
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:05,315
we will be right up
until closing time.
83
00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:08,231
- So you're saying
we can't leave?
84
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:12,017
- I'm saying we appreciate
your commitment to stay.
85
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,018
- Thank you.
86
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:17,240
- ♪ I didn't know nobody
87
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:20,156
♪ And then I saw you
coming my way ♪
88
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,331
[wind howling]
89
00:03:21,375 --> 00:03:22,854
- Attention,
all remaining customers.
90
00:03:22,898 --> 00:03:25,857
The governor has declared
a state of emergency.
91
00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:29,600
Customers are advised to get
home before conditions worsen,
92
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:32,299
which begs the question,
what about employees
93
00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:35,693
who also drive cars
and also have families
94
00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:38,218
and/or video games
to get home to?
95
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,133
- Yeah, I--I checked on that,
96
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:44,180
and corporate would like us
to stay until closing so...
97
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,442
- [scoffs]
98
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,227
Glenn, this is crazy.
99
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,358
It's really bad out there.
100
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:49,664
- Oh, I don't know.
101
00:03:49,707 --> 00:03:52,319
Maybe it's starting
to lighten up a bit.
102
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:54,234
- No, actually,
it's getting worse.
103
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:56,714
Uh, they're calling it
the snow-poca-blizz.
104
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:58,238
Oh, wait, nope, that's
just some guy on Twitter
105
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,587
trying to get it going.
106
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,720
- Okay, well, you know,
I'll try 'em again.
107
00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:04,113
[phone beeping over PA]
108
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:05,767
- Oh, no, no, no,
Glenn, no, that's--
109
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,595
you're still using
the intercom phone.
110
00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:08,900
[beeping and feedback over PA]
111
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:09,945
- Ow!
- Put it down.
112
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:11,381
- Oh, phooey to corporate.
113
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,122
Let's just get outta here.
114
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:14,906
- You heard the man, go, go!
115
00:04:14,950 --> 00:04:17,735
- Okay, before you go,
can you unlock the razor case?
116
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,085
I don't know why you guys
lock up the razor blades.
117
00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:22,784
- They're actually one
of the most shoplifted items,
118
00:04:22,827 --> 00:04:24,264
high-ticket
and easy to pocket.
119
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,788
People also steal
name-brand detergent,
120
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,398
condoms, baby formula.
121
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:30,618
You wouldn't think it, but
they sell it and buy heroin.
122
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:34,099
Pretty grim.
Anyway, happy to help.
123
00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:35,579
- Holy moly!
124
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:38,278
- It is the snow-poca-blizz!
125
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:39,931
- It is colder than
the critical reception
126
00:04:39,975 --> 00:04:41,542
of Drake's last album!
127
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:44,501
- That's what you said when
we came out here last night!
128
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:45,720
- Shut up.
None of them heard it!
129
00:04:45,763 --> 00:04:47,461
- You guys think
the bus is running
130
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,201
on its regular schedule?
131
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,420
- I doubt it!
132
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:52,509
But maybe we can
split an Uber!
133
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:54,381
- I can't see my car!
134
00:04:54,424 --> 00:04:55,773
- I lost one of my shoes!
135
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,775
- Maybe we should
go back inside!
136
00:04:57,819 --> 00:05:00,343
- No, we just have
to get to our cars!
137
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,040
- Oh, there's
surge pricing!
138
00:05:02,084 --> 00:05:03,346
- I lost my other shoe!
139
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,522
- It costs $1,400!
140
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,829
- Okay, we have to go
back inside!
141
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:09,091
We're gonna die out here!
142
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,180
- It is colder than
the critical reception
143
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,313
of Justin Timberlake's
last album!
144
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:15,750
- We heard you the first time!
145
00:05:18,448 --> 00:05:18,840
.
146
00:05:18,883 --> 00:05:20,972
- Well, I just heard an update
147
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,279
on KFR-AM 520 with Bill Mudd,
the Weather Stud--
148
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,542
who, by the way,
if you go to their website,
149
00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:26,891
is far from studly.
150
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,371
- Oh, his eyes are on
the side of his head.
151
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:29,851
- I know.
- Yeah.
152
00:05:29,894 --> 00:05:32,897
- Anyway, it looks as though
we are stuck here tonight.
153
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:33,898
- Oh!
- What?
154
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:34,899
- What?
- Come on.
155
00:05:34,943 --> 00:05:36,031
- So because corporate
156
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:37,685
couldn't let us home
a tad bit earlier,
157
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:39,948
now I can't get home
to my children?
158
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:42,298
- I thought Adam has
the kids tonight.
159
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,214
- He does. I'm just
trying to make a point.
160
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:46,955
- I was gonna host
chili night tonight.
161
00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:49,436
- Wewere gonna host
chili night tonight.
162
00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:50,698
- Well, it's my apartment.
163
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,090
You're just bringing the chili.
164
00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,396
- The chili's
the whole point.
165
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,789
- So we're just supposed
to spend the night here
166
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:56,007
like homeless people.
167
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:58,314
- Yes, this is the exact
sleeping situation
168
00:05:58,358 --> 00:05:59,446
homeless people have.
169
00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:00,577
- They wouldn't sleep here.
170
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,927
This place is crawling
with raccoons.
171
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,973
- I let a homeless guy
use my bathroom once.
172
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:06,931
Now he just does it
when I'm not even home.
173
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:09,934
- Okay, we have no idea how
long we're gonna be stuck here,
174
00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,762
so we need
to ration our food.
175
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:14,112
The less we eat up front,
the longer we can go
176
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,766
before we start
eating each other later.
177
00:06:15,810 --> 00:06:17,725
- Um, I have a child here.
178
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:19,117
- That is an amazing offer,
179
00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:21,293
but why don't we just try
and get out of here alive
180
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:23,687
before we start
eating the children, huh?
181
00:06:23,731 --> 00:06:25,428
- I--I don't think
it'll come to that.
182
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,561
Let's just help ourselves
to whatever we need:
183
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,737
bedding, food, pajamas,
you know.
184
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,827
Mi casa is
sues mos, wazzas.
185
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,219
- Cell phones are out.
186
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:36,308
Do you have a landline
I can call my family from?
187
00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:38,746
- Oh, sure, yeah, you can use
the phone at customer service.
188
00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,400
- And can I also use it
to call my mistress?
189
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:45,753
- Is--is--is--
is she nice?
190
00:06:45,796 --> 00:06:47,363
- She's okay.
191
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,887
- Well, that's good.
192
00:06:49,931 --> 00:06:52,150
[Janet Jackson's "Nasty"
playing]
193
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,457
- ♪ Oh, you nasty boys
194
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,459
♪ I don't like no nasty car
195
00:06:56,503 --> 00:06:58,026
♪ I don't like nasty--
196
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:07,688
- So how have you been?
197
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:09,777
- Good.
198
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:12,170
Carol doesn't
let me eat sugar.
199
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:15,609
- Oh, cool.
200
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:16,610
You look good.
201
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,612
- Thanks.
202
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,398
You look nice too.
203
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,878
- Thanks.
204
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:29,492
I was thinking about
getting bangs,
205
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,190
but I didn't.
206
00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,888
Hmm.
207
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:38,545
- Where should I set up
my stuff?
208
00:07:38,588 --> 00:07:40,242
- Oh, anywhere is fine.
209
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,069
- Are you crazy?
210
00:07:41,112 --> 00:07:42,374
You know that we're liable
211
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:44,638
for any assaults that
take place tonight, right?
212
00:07:44,681 --> 00:07:45,639
- I--
213
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:46,727
- Now, you need to set up
214
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:47,902
in the very center
of the floor, okay?
215
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:49,164
We need to keep
the hotties in the middle,
216
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:50,470
make them harder to get to.
217
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:52,384
That's how wolves protect
their hottest wolves.
218
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:53,603
- Okay.
219
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:55,257
- Listen, I'm gonna do
everything in my power
220
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,825
to make sure you make it
through the night alive, okay?
221
00:07:57,868 --> 00:08:00,088
- Oh, all right,
thanks, Dina.
222
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:02,394
- You know, we should
really tie bells
223
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,092
to some of the creeps
so we can hear them coming.
224
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,356
- No, I'm not gonna
make it tonight.
225
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,011
Just enjoy the hotel room.
Watch some HBO.
226
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:12,796
Use all the blankets.
Take 'em in the shower.
227
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,145
[chuckling]
Doesn't cost nothin'.
228
00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,626
Just nothing from the minibar.
229
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:19,194
[wind howling]
230
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,415
- See, this isn't so bad.
231
00:08:23,459 --> 00:08:25,592
It's like we're all having
a big slumber party.
232
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:27,898
- Ooh, we should do
a Ouija board.
233
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:29,073
- Nah, the only dead guy
here is Sal,
234
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,379
and I don't want
to talk to that dude.
235
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:32,207
- Oh, we could play
Spin the Bottle.
236
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,600
- I'm awesome
at Spin the Bottle.
237
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:34,775
I can make it spin forever.
238
00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:35,950
It's like a wrist thing.
239
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,342
- All right, let's go around
240
00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,257
and each of us say
how we lost our virginity.
241
00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:40,302
- Oh, no, we don't
need to do that.
242
00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:41,825
- Okay, for me,
it was Mark Benthis.
243
00:08:41,869 --> 00:08:43,348
He was this jock
in high school,
244
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:44,741
and I was tutoring him
in English.
245
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,003
So one day,
he comes to my house
246
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,092
to study after
basketball practice
247
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:51,922
and he's all sweaty
and one thing leads to another.
248
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:52,923
Alley-oop.
249
00:08:52,967 --> 00:08:54,098
- Swish.
- That's awesome.
250
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:55,622
Did you guys date
after that?
251
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,580
- No, he pretended
not to know me,
252
00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,364
so I started
tutoring him wrong.
253
00:08:59,408 --> 00:09:02,454
If he thought he was
dyslexic before... [laughs]
254
00:09:02,498 --> 00:09:03,891
- Oh.
- Mine was
255
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,588
a French foreign
exchange student
256
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,634
my family hosted
when I was 16.
257
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:11,855
After a couple weeks,
it was avoir la petit mort.
258
00:09:11,899 --> 00:09:13,465
- Please tell me
that means sex.
259
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:15,163
- Uh, yes.
260
00:09:15,206 --> 00:09:17,731
- Yes, awesome.
Lucky girl.
261
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,690
- Jasmine Mendoza.
262
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,126
- Oh?
- Wow.
263
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,606
- I know. I was so
freaked out afterwards,
264
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,173
she had to take me
to the emergency room.
265
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,218
- Aww.
- I'm crying.
266
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,656
- For me,
it was Adam, duh.
267
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,615
It was the night before his
state wrestling championship,
268
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,008
and he begged me because
269
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,836
he didn't want to pop a boner
during his match.
270
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:37,489
- So how'd he do?
271
00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:39,361
- He broke his foot
and lost his scholarship.
272
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:40,405
- Ouch.
273
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:41,406
- At least he didn't
get a boner.
274
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:42,973
- No, he still did,
actually.
275
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:44,279
To this day,
he still calls that
276
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,194
the week of boners
that ruined his life.
277
00:09:46,237 --> 00:09:48,588
- Hmm.
- All right, who's next?
278
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,633
Sandra, you go.
279
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,504
- Um, what do we do
280
00:09:52,548 --> 00:09:56,030
if the person
we did it with is here?
281
00:10:00,774 --> 00:10:02,384
- [clears throat]
282
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,778
[wind howling]
283
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,741
- Jesus, your feet
are freezing.
284
00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:13,177
- Come on.
How 'bout now?
285
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:16,050
- No, I--they're like
blocks of ice.
286
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:17,704
- Come on,
that's your job.
287
00:10:17,747 --> 00:10:18,966
- It's not my job.
- Yes.
288
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,141
- Then I quit.
289
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,185
- Stop.
- It's freezing.
290
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:25,233
- Oh, so you guys
are sharing a bed.
291
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,409
That's so husband and wife.
292
00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:29,324
- Yeah, well, there--there
weren't many mattresses.
293
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:32,849
- Oh, never mind, cool.
Cool.
294
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,024
It just--
295
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:37,549
you know, could you
not maybe...
296
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:39,160
If you could avoid...
297
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:44,078
- Having sex on an air mattress
surrounded by our coworkers?
298
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:46,210
We will try
to contain ourselves.
299
00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:48,648
- Oh, okay, great, thank you.
300
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,258
- Good night.
301
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,961
- Good night.
- Huh?
302
00:10:58,005 --> 00:10:59,093
- Jesus!
303
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:01,356
- Good night, Marcus.
304
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,359
- Ah.
305
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,538
- [snoring]
306
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:12,889
- No, Glenn,
we're okay.
307
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,151
We don't--
- Oh.
308
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:15,544
Oh.
- Yeah, that's cozy.
309
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:16,458
- There we go.
310
00:11:16,501 --> 00:11:19,722
That is--that is comfortable.
311
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:22,725
[quirky music]
312
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:28,688
♪
313
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,995
- Is this good?
- No, Jerry.
314
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:33,083
- Sorry.
315
00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:36,130
- Don't apologize.
Just be better.
316
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:39,568
- Sandra, where are you going?
317
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:41,135
- I'm gonna sleep
in the break room.
318
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,440
- Nobody moves
after light's out.
319
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,094
It's for Cheyenne's security.
320
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:46,140
- Oh, okay.
321
00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,620
- Don't move your arms so much.
322
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,231
Just lie there.
323
00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:53,538
.
324
00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:56,237
[quirky music]
325
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,368
♪
326
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:59,588
- [groans]
327
00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:00,458
Hey.
328
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:02,243
- [groans]
329
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,461
- Cheyenne, wake up.
330
00:12:03,505 --> 00:12:06,029
- [groans]
- Rise and Cheyenne.
331
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:07,074
- [groans]
332
00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:08,205
- Girl, wake up.
333
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,206
- [groans]
334
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,818
- Jesus, wake up, you ox!
335
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,080
- [groans]
336
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:15,778
I think
our mattress deflated.
337
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,475
- Oh, is that
what that sound was?
338
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:20,740
I thought you were just
continuously farting all night,
339
00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:22,437
which I thought was cute.
340
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,526
- [groans]
Mornin'.
341
00:12:24,569 --> 00:12:26,615
You guys want coffee?
342
00:12:26,658 --> 00:12:28,269
- Um, no, that's--
343
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,706
- No, I'm...penis.
- We're okay.
344
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,230
- Thanks.
- All right.
345
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,931
- Oh, hey, do you guys
wanna come for breakfast?
346
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,933
It's Thursday, so we're
having waffle sticks
347
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:42,936
and pancake rollovers
and French toast poppers.
348
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,633
- Yeah, I think we've
spent enough time
349
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:46,853
with each other for a while.
350
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:49,159
[doors whirring]
351
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:51,683
- That is a lot of snow.
352
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:53,642
- Yes!
I told you!
353
00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:55,122
I said we need
to ration our food
354
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:56,950
because we may be stuck
in there for a while,
355
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:58,647
but did any of you
listen to me?
356
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:01,563
Nope, and now we very well
may starve to death.
357
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:04,305
[laughs]
In your faces!
358
00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:06,089
Boom!
Always right.
359
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,483
Another one for the good guys.
360
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:09,963
[wind howling]
361
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:11,834
- Sorry, baby, I'm just
gonna be a few more hours.
362
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:14,358
Um, hey, uh, don't
eat the free breakfast
363
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,925
and see if they'll
credit it to the room.
364
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:18,972
And, uh, you didn't
do laundry, did you?
365
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:20,364
Okay, mention that.
366
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:22,540
Would you mention that
you didn't do any laundry?
367
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:30,548
- Okay, um, how about what
is the most embarrassing way
368
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,986
you've ever
injured yourself?
369
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:34,814
Go.
370
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:37,773
- Uh, about ten years ago,
I tried to run a marathon,
371
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,993
and I made it
almost the entire way,
372
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,473
but three feet
before the finish line,
373
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,649
I passed out
from dehydration.
374
00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:46,216
- Wait, how is that
embarrassing?
375
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:49,698
That's just bragging that you
finished most of a marathon.
376
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,656
- I chipped my tooth
biting a chocolate coin
377
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,571
that turned out
to just be a quarter.
378
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:54,921
And then another time,
379
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:57,837
I fell up an escalator
when I was taking a selfie.
380
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,404
- I got my penis caught
in my friend Russell's zipper.
381
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:01,405
- Oh.
382
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,103
- I'm sorry,
I just gotta--
383
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:04,713
where was Russell's penis?
384
00:14:04,756 --> 00:14:06,541
- For a while,
neither of us knew.
385
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,630
- I slipped in the shower once.
386
00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:10,197
- That's not
that embarrassing.
387
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,285
- Oh, yeah?
388
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:13,722
'Cause I slipped
on my own poop.
389
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:15,506
- What?
- Why?
390
00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:17,291
- I had just deuced
in the shower.
391
00:14:17,334 --> 00:14:18,901
- Ugh.
- Ugh.
392
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:20,207
- Why?
393
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,730
- Okay, right, when you guys
are in the shower
394
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:24,080
and you have to go,
you just hold it.
395
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,342
- Yes. Yeah.
396
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:28,345
That's what you do
when it's a number two.
397
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:32,088
- Sure, so you don't poop
in the shower every morning
398
00:14:32,132 --> 00:14:33,829
and stamp it down the drain
with your feet?
399
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,483
- [gags]
- Oh, my God.
400
00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:36,919
- Oh, my--
- No.
401
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:39,530
- Okay, whatever.
Screw you, snowflakes.
402
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:42,011
Bunch of princesses.
403
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:45,101
[scooter whirring]
404
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,717
- All right, we've narrowed it
down to two choices:
405
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:54,589
"Game of Thrones"
season one
406
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:55,938
or "Friends"
season nine.
407
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,548
- Is that the season
with Paul Rudd?
408
00:14:57,592 --> 00:14:59,246
- Uh, I believe so, yeah.
409
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:00,290
- Pass.
410
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:01,422
- My son's six.
411
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:02,466
"Game of Thrones"
has too much nudity.
412
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:03,728
- I feel like both those shows
413
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,208
have way too many
white people.
414
00:15:05,252 --> 00:15:06,688
- Yeah, I got to agree.
415
00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,516
I watch TV as an escape,
not to see more white people.
416
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,780
- Well, I could watch something
with a little more diversity.
417
00:15:11,823 --> 00:15:12,955
- How about "Empire"?
418
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,087
- [inhales]
419
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,262
Gonna start right
in the deep end, huh?
420
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:18,004
- Guys, there are two DVDs:
421
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:21,485
"Game of Thrones" season one,
"Friends" season nine.
422
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:22,573
That's it.
423
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:24,097
It has to be
one of those choices.
424
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:25,968
- You know, I've always
wanted to watch
425
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,100
"Orange Is the New Black."
426
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,492
- I'd watch that.
427
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:29,798
- I thought you said your son
couldn't watch nudity.
428
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:32,540
- He likes strong female leads.
429
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:36,805
- Just a little more color
on your cheeks.
430
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:38,372
There.
431
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,287
- How do I look?
432
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:43,290
- You look good.
433
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:44,508
- Really?
434
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:46,858
I think he looks like
his whore sister.
435
00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:51,341
[out-of-tune guitar chord]
436
00:15:57,652 --> 00:16:00,872
[scooter beeping]
437
00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:05,703
[Slinky zinging]
438
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:10,360
- Ah!
439
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:11,492
- Can you stop doing that?
440
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:12,667
- What?
441
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:15,104
- That "ah" you do
every time you move.
442
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,236
- It bugs.
443
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,715
- I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I did that.
444
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,544
Let me know if I'm doing
anything else that "bugs."
445
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:22,938
- Um, those bunny ears
with your hands
446
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,679
when you talk are annoying.
447
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:26,028
- Um, noted.
448
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:29,118
Um, I'll try not to do
anything else, um, annoying
449
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:30,293
when I, um, talk.
450
00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:31,425
- Thank you.
451
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:32,861
- He's making fun of you,
Cheyenne,
452
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,776
because he thinks he's better
than everyone else here.
453
00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:37,518
- Oh, I'm sorry, hethinks
he's better than everyone?
454
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,694
You're the one who walks into
the break room every morning
455
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:42,827
and says, "Good morning,
turd people."
456
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:44,438
It wasn't funny
the first time.
457
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:45,917
- It's not supposed
to be funny.
458
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,919
It's supposed to make you feel
bad for being turd people.
459
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:49,573
- Okay, guys, come on.
460
00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,488
Let's be nice to each other,
you know.
461
00:16:51,532 --> 00:16:52,576
Spending all this time together
462
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,274
can make us
a little bit bonkers.
463
00:16:54,317 --> 00:16:55,666
- It's true.
464
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,407
Do you know how many murders
happen on submarines?
465
00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:58,669
- Okay, great.
466
00:16:58,713 --> 00:16:59,583
Well, then let's all
stop annoying each other
467
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,063
and nobody has to get hurt.
468
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,065
- What if we don't know what
we're doing that's annoying?
469
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:04,501
Paradox.
470
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:06,677
- Maybe we should go around
and each say something
471
00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:08,070
about someone that annoys us.
472
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,159
- Mm, that sounds like
a real bad idea.
473
00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:12,422
- "That sounds like
a real bad idea."
474
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,423
Who am I?
475
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,556
- Oh! Amy. Easy.
476
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:17,645
- Okay, fine,
let's do this.
477
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,648
Uh, Mateo,
when you say "touché,"
478
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:23,129
you sound like a douché.
479
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,478
Who's next?
480
00:17:26,610 --> 00:17:27,002
.
481
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,483
- ♪ I don't mind
if there's not much to say ♪
482
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:30,701
♪ Sometimes the silence
guides a mind ♪
483
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:31,920
♪ To move to a place
so far away ♪
484
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:33,791
- You don't know how
to tell a story, Glenn.
485
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,010
You get lost in the details,
486
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,881
like whatever people
were having for lunch.
487
00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:38,187
- I am trying
to paint a picture.
488
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:41,103
- Nobody cares if it
doesn't impact the story.
489
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:43,105
- I hate Mateo's
anticlimactic sneezes.
490
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,803
It's a lot of build-up
for a tiny, little "achoo."
491
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:48,110
- Yeah, and it's always, like,
three or four of them in a row.
492
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,894
- He just likes
the attention.
493
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:51,766
- Isaac, you need
to stop calling me brother.
494
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:52,767
- I don't do that.
495
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,116
- You do.
I've heard it.
496
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,987
- Okay, maybe, but I don't
do it to sound cool.
497
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:57,119
I do it 'cause you're black.
498
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,121
- Garrett, your breath
smells like farts,
499
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,123
and your farts
smell like food.
500
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,385
You need to see a doctor.
501
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,996
And, Marcus, why do you
smell like sour milk?
502
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,911
- I eat cereal
while I drive to work,
503
00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:08,348
and most of the time,
it spills.
504
00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:11,090
- Dina, your voice
is a smidge loud.
505
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,048
- Well, I'm so sorry
that I have
506
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,050
an unusually
large diaphragm!
507
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,008
- That makes two of us!
Up top!
508
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,793
- Get your [bleep]ing hand
out of my face!
509
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,142
- Speaking of loud,
510
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:21,926
when Amy chews chips,
511
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:25,060
it sounds like
she's eating a microphone.
512
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,456
- Aren't you just, like,
a customer?
513
00:18:29,499 --> 00:18:31,675
- Yeah, I'm Terry.
514
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:32,763
- Hi, Terry.
515
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:33,895
Shut the hell up.
516
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:35,636
- Yeah, you're not
a part of this.
517
00:18:35,679 --> 00:18:36,898
- This is Cloud 9.
518
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:38,204
We don't give a damn
what customers think.
519
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:40,815
- Yeah, why don't you
go stew in softlines?
520
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,164
- Bye-bye.
- Yeah, get out of here.
521
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,426
- Bye.
- Okay, okay.
522
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:44,601
- Bye.
523
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,037
- Can you believe that guy,
524
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:48,170
barging in here
like he's part of the family?
525
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,346
- Guys, guys, who am I?
526
00:18:50,390 --> 00:18:53,132
"I'm Terry."
527
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,788
- Yeah, that's exactly
what he sounds like.
528
00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,094
[laughter]
- So good.
529
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,140
- [laughs]
- Nailed it.
530
00:19:01,183 --> 00:19:03,751
Okay, so if I had
to eat someone here,
531
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:07,015
it would be...Glenn
532
00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:09,713
'cause he eats a lot of sugar,
so he'd be the sweetest.
533
00:19:09,757 --> 00:19:11,019
- Aw, thank you.
534
00:19:11,062 --> 00:19:12,803
My blood sugar
is really high.
535
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,327
I'm prediabetic.
536
00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:17,068
- Personally, I wouldn't eat
anyone over the age of 35.
537
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,853
I know there's no
expiration date on people,
538
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:21,334
but that's when
they start to turn.
539
00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:23,379
- Oh, Jenga!
540
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:24,380
- Yes!
- Jenga!
541
00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:25,729
- That's a Jenga.
- Yas, Jenga.
542
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,340
- Cheers.
- That's a Jenga.
543
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:28,341
- Nice.
544
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:29,951
- [slurps]
545
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:31,300
[sniffs]
546
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:34,042
Okay, okay, well,
it's a cherry cola.
547
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:37,219
The acidity is too intense
for Coca-Cola Cherry,
548
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:39,961
and it's not quite
full-bodied enough
549
00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,442
to be Cloud 9 Cherry Splash.
550
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:45,053
RC Cherry Cola.
551
00:19:45,096 --> 00:19:46,576
- It's Bud Light Lime.
552
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,796
- Oh, yeah.
553
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:50,101
Yeah, I'm getting that.
554
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:53,757
- Yes!
555
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:55,063
- How are you so good?
556
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:57,935
You never golfed before,
like, a year ago.
557
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,241
- I never big golfed,
558
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:01,069
but I used to mini golf
all the time.
559
00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:02,549
- Big golfed?
560
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:03,593
- Yeah.
561
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:05,073
If we make it
out of here alive,
562
00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:06,901
I might take you to
my favorite mini golf place.
563
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:08,424
- You're not sick of me yet?
564
00:20:09,947 --> 00:20:12,776
- No.
Are you sick of me?
565
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,431
- Nah.
566
00:20:16,693 --> 00:20:18,478
- What about now?
Are you sick of me now?
567
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:20,610
- Um.
568
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:21,742
- Is this making you
sick of me?
569
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:23,178
- Well.
570
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,006
- Breath smells like farts.
571
00:20:25,049 --> 00:20:26,486
I'm sure my breath
doesn't smell like farts.
572
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,923
- Oh, hey, excuse me, man.
Is this place open?
573
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:30,272
- How'd you get in here?
574
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:31,534
- Just through the doors.
575
00:20:31,578 --> 00:20:33,014
- Did they plow
the parking lot?
576
00:20:33,057 --> 00:20:34,102
- I guess so.
577
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,277
- Oh, thank God.
578
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:36,713
- I mean,
it's kind of cold outside.
579
00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:38,715
You might want to put on--
- No, I'm good. I'm good.
580
00:20:38,759 --> 00:20:41,022
Whoo!
581
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,284
[Harvey Danger's
"Flagpole Sitta" playing]
582
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:46,070
- ♪ I'm not sick,
but I'm not well ♪
583
00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:48,551
♪ And I'm so hot
584
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:53,687
- The trick is
to take a box out
585
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:57,908
without knocking over
the rest of the tower.
586
00:20:57,952 --> 00:20:58,996
- Whoa.
587
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,911
- Yep, that's the trick.
- Cool.
588
00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,130
- We're out of orange juice.
589
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:03,958
- I got a secret stash
in my office.
590
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:06,308
- On it.
591
00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:13,054
- Dina.
592
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:14,142
- Hi, Dina.
593
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:15,970
- I was just coming
to get some juice,
594
00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:19,626
but, um, think I'll just
drink it straight.
595
00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:21,541
- Okay.
41618
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