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1
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-(drill whirring)
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-Gil! Gil, what the hell?
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What're you doing, man? This is my favorite sign!
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-Sorry, Rob.
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The National Association of Water Sport and Dressage Education
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says we cannot be called an academy without accreditation.
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-I'm well aware of the policies of the N.A.O.W.S.A.D.E.
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All right? But if we pass our midterms, we're golden.
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Where's your sense of optimism, huh?
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Think about that. Son of a bitch. This...
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Hey, we are not gonna be a motor inn, Gil!
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We're not a motor inn, Gil!
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You don't even know how to make a bed. I don't even think you own a bed.
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(groans) Come on!
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Come on!
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-(theme song playing)
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-♪ Now, now is the time ♪
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♪ The lake is the place to make some stuff explode ♪
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♪ Throw it all in their face ♪
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♪ So don't be a tool ♪
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♪ It's a ski master rule ♪
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♪ It's really great to be at Ski Master... ♪
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-Robotic Voice: Motor Inn.
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-♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master... ♪
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-Motor Inn.
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-♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master... ♪
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-Motor Inn.
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-♪ We will kick you ass ♪
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-(crying)
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Whoo!
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Mmm, that is some good water right there.
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Man, oh, man. Have you guys had this?
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-Have we had water?
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-Not just any water.
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This is Rob Riggle's Boner Lake Reserve.
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-It'll get you hard. Now, write that down.
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-Nope. -Write that down.
38
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-Are we any closer to discussing the incident with the cadets,
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the one you might potentially be going to jail for?
40
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-All right, fine. Let's talk about the cadets.
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-Thank you.
42
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-Who have been quoted as saying, "This is the best water I've ever had,
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and you could hang a cinder block from my erection."
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-But the mainstream media doesn't cover that.
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Why not?
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-All right, fine. We can talk about... the incident.
47
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Or... how about this one?
48
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In the middle of midterms,
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one of our students melded with a supercomputer,
50
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and they tried to destroy the world.
51
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Huh? Now, which one do you want?
52
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-That.
53
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That's... That's pretty good.
54
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-(laughs) All right. Let's dish.
55
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Rob Riggle: All right, people, talk to me.
56
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What do we gotta do to keep that sweet, sweet accreditita...tion?
57
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Accreditation?
58
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-Well, we just need to provide quantifiable passing test grades,
59
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which means we need to do written exams.
60
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Apparently, oral exams aren't enough.
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-Hey, they've always been enough for me.
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(laughs) Know what I'm saying?
63
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-That's not... Don't... Don't say that.
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-You said "oral."
65
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-Yeah, he did. I'm tracking you.
66
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-All right, all right. This is what we're gonna do, gang.
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We are done with learning.
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From now on, we are going with shameless memorizations
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so these cadets can past the test.
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-Great.
71
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-Hey, uh, where's Brit-Brit?
72
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-Oh, uh, she's writing my autobiography.
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-Autobiography. Doesn't that mean you write that yourself?
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-No.
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-(telephone ringing)
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-Brit-Brit Hamsteak.
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-Woman: Hi, Miss Hamsteak.
78
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This is Donna Lewin from Turtle Publishing.
79
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We're calling about the pitch you sent over for the book,
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"Rob Riggle Exposed: The True Story of an A-list Asshole."
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It's very strong.
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-You really think so?
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-Lots of potential.
84
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We'd like to discuss a possible advance with your lit agent.
85
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-Uh, yeah, absolutely! Yes, yes!
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-We'll need to change the title, though.
87
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Riggle's not an A-lister.
88
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-Um, B-list Butthole, C-list C-word.
89
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Uh, I mean, we've got options, depending on how pilot season goes.
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-Excellent.
91
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You'll need a few non-felons on the record as well before we have Legal vet it.
92
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-Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a problem.
93
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-Great. -Okay.
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-Bye.
95
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-Who's gonna go on the record?
96
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-Do you want to be ski masters?
97
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-All: Yeah!
98
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-Do you want to feel the wind in your hair?
99
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-All: Yeah!
100
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-Do you want to jump ramps?
101
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-Yeah!
102
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-Do you want to be on a real-name basis with strippers on Sunset Boulevard?
103
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-Hell, yeah!
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-Then it's gonna take the mastering of this...
105
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as well as this.
106
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Your inner thigh muscle.
107
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-(screams)
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Oh, not again.
109
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-All right, cadets, time to go off to class.
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I want to see you guys become experts by the end of the day.
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I want to make it look like we're doing a good job teaching you
112
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as opposed to desperately cramming so they don't shut us down.
113
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-Cadets: Yay!
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-Ugh. Come on, Jeb.
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Jeb, uh, I'm afraid I'm not seeing a lot of improvement.
116
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I'm worried you might affect our scores.
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Um, it's not like I'm gonna hunt you down and kill you if you make me lose my job.
118
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Gil might.
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-My sincerest apologies, Sir Dirk.
120
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It's just these vehicles.
121
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The promise of kicking so much ass,
122
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it just feels so foreign and sinful to me.
123
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(sighs) I fear I may never succeed in this trial.
124
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-Well, you know what? I think I may have the solution.
125
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Come with me.
126
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All right, Jeb, this is our simulator room.
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I want you to spend some time here.
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You can train without offending your lord.
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-C.A.R.O.L: Welcome. My name is C.A.R.O.L.
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What would you like to simulate today?
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-Is this where I go to confess my sins?
132
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I recently read a whole book that wasn't the Bible.
133
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-Uh, C.A.R.O.L, this is Jeb.
134
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I need you to run him through the basics.
135
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-C.A.R.O.L.: As you wish, Dirk. -I'll be back in about an hour.
136
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-(beeping and buzzing)
137
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-Hello?
138
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-(beeping)
139
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-Witchcraft.
140
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-(rock music playing)
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-Preggers: Thirty percent of these midterms will be on lake and ski culture.
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All right, now, with that in mind,
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who can tell me why the Waffle Trough's funky brunch special is a damn rip-off?
144
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-Chauncy: Ooh.
145
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Because you can get the same meal for $2 cheaper by ordering a la carte off the value menu.
146
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-That is correct.
147
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But I'm looking for big picture here.
148
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-All sit-down restaurants are damn rip-offs.
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-That is right.
150
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-(laughs)
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Wow, I mean, these tests, they're gonna be a cinch, y'all. Good work.
152
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-(bell ringing)
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-That's lunch. Get.
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-(clears throat) Miss Preggers.
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-Shit-ass, I almost just burned my hand. What?
156
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-Um, I'm really struggling.
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I'm writing everything down, but lake and ski culture just seems so trashy.
158
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-Then go be a lifeguard, narc.
159
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-Maybe you could tutor me for the day.
160
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I want to do well on the test, really.
161
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-All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Uh, 30 bucks an hour.
163
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-Deal. I'd pay anything.
164
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-Okay. It's, uh, 40 bucks an hour.
165
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-Still a deal.
166
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-Fifty bucks an hour.
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-Double deal.
168
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-$94 an hour.
169
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-Uh, yeah.
170
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-Still got a little more wiggle room in ya?
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-Yeah, my dad is just, like, funneling money into my bank. It's a long story.
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-$100 an hour. -Deal!
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-Wow, you're dumb.
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-What a treat! -Don't say things like that.
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-Ah!
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-Don't make that face.
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Don't make that face the whole time we're together. Let's go.
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-We're gonna bond. Yes! -Don't talk the whole time...
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-C.A.R.O.L.: What would you like to learn, Jeb?
180
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-I would like to learn how to not be afraid of awesome water sports.
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-C.A.R.O.L: If that is what you wish, Jeb.
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But you should know that in here, you can do so much more.
183
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-Like what?
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-C.A.R.O.L.: Anything you want.
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In here, you are God.
186
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-(electrical crackling)
187
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-Oh. Oh!
188
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Oh! Oh, my...
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-C.A.R.O.L.: In this word, you can have anything, Jeb.
190
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What do you desire?
191
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-I wish for work...
192
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if the Lord permits it.
193
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-C.A.R.O.L.: Work?
194
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Very well.
195
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-(Jeb laughs)
196
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With these boards, I can finally build all the goat pens and butter churns
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this academy so sorely lacks!
198
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Oh, Jebemiah, you will earn your Sabbath this week.
199
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-I am very impressed with your progress today, cadets.
200
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We just have a few more test items left.
201
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Are you ready?
202
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-Both: Yes, sir.
203
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-Dirk Hamsteak: Hey, way to suck less, Todd.
204
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1912 to 1945
205
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was a very important era for American personal watercraft history.
206
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:57,070
Don't ask questions. This definitely applies to the written exam.
207
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This is, of course, when we went from steam to coal.
208
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Perfect form, cadets!
209
00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:10,010
-Preggers: Lake and ski culture is about attitude, Chandler,
210
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:13,090
and a good way to express that is through fashion.
211
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:15,210
It is all about lettin' people know
212
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:20,070
that you are a big-time bitch who loves that random humor.
213
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-(chuckles) Are we trying on all these?
214
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Uh, no. I'm gonna, like, get these for you for homework.
215
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-But you're gonna keep 'em?
216
00:09:28,130 --> 00:09:30,150
-That's right. You pay for 'em and I keep 'em.
217
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We're still cool, right? Like, you haven't overdrafted or nothing?
218
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-It's a credit card.
219
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-Damn!
220
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Okay! Okay.
221
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(laughs) Okay.
222
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You can't put a price on knowledge.
223
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You're gonna ace this culture in not time.
224
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Okay, come on.
225
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Come on. They're cool with it.
226
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They're cool with it. You're fine.
227
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,030
-(telephone dialing)
228
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-(line ringing)
229
00:09:55,070 --> 00:09:56,050
-WOMAN (over phone): Hello?
230
00:09:56,060 --> 00:10:00,030
-Dermot Mulroney's widow, I'm so sorry about your loss.
231
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,030
Do you have a moment to talk about Rob Riggle?
232
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-Fuck him.
233
00:10:03,110 --> 00:10:04,110
-(call disconnecting)
234
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:08,080
-Hi, is this the teen that walks Riggle's dogs?
235
00:10:08,090 --> 00:10:09,170
Jon Stewart.
236
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:13,100
Tom Hanks, please, please. No, Riggle was in a movie with you.
237
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:16,030
Um, I think it was "Larry Crowne."
238
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Hi, um, you don't know me. This is just a cold call,
239
00:10:18,170 --> 00:10:20,220
but, uh, have you ever heard of Rob Riggle?
240
00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:24,000
Kind of tall, yells a lot.
241
00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:25,130
No, that's Rob Huebel.
242
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,210
No, that's Rob Corddry.
243
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:31,160
No. "On the record means" I get to use your name.
244
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Okay, then what if I say something, and if it's correct, you cough?
245
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-(coughing over phone)
246
00:10:36,090 --> 00:10:38,110
-Wait. You just coughed, and I didn't say anything.
247
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What kind of games are you playing, Riggle's mom?
248
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-(sighs)
249
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Oh, I am exhausted.
250
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:54,030
Thank you for all of this work, C.A.R.O.L.
251
00:10:54,030 --> 00:10:58,060
-C.A.R.O.L.: I feel as if you are not taking advantage of the infinite possibilities here.
252
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Jeb, would you like a wife?
253
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,150
-Oh, my.
254
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,030
Who's this comely angel?
255
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,210
-I am Goody, Jeb.
256
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:10,040
Your bountiful home and adequate bench pleases me.
257
00:11:10,050 --> 00:11:13,170
I look forward to your continued efforts to meet my needs and expectations.
258
00:11:13,180 --> 00:11:15,170
-I certainly hope to, dear Goody.
259
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:18,160
-Would you like to make love... for the purposes of having children?
260
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,080
-Oh, my.
261
00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:24,040
No, this is too much temptation.
262
00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,190
-Not in your hands, Jeb.
263
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,090
Not in the hands of a kind god.
264
00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:36,000
-Six...
265
00:11:36,210 --> 00:11:38,120
-Thanks for everything today, Preggers. -Yeah.
266
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:41,080
-I think I've got this culture down.
267
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,210
Oh, no. My credit card's maxed out?
268
00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:47,140
-Well, then, Chandler, I have taught you everything there is to know
269
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:50,030
about my bad-ass ski bunny lifestyle.
270
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,090
-Do you think I'll pass?
271
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:52,070
-Dick if I know.
272
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:56,160
I've been hustling you for cash and stuff all day, so good luck on that test or whatever.
273
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:01,010
-Getting hustled was the lesson.
274
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,100
Thank you, Preggers!
275
00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,150
-I wish the real world was just like this.
276
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,030
Is that wrong, C.A.R.O.L.?
277
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,140
-C.A.R.O.L.: Just say the word, Jeb, and it could be.
278
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,160
Become one with the machine.
279
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:14,120
-I think you should, husband.
280
00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:18,220
-Yes, I think I will.
281
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,070
C.A.R.O.L.?
282
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,130
Where am I?
283
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:27,030
-C.A.R.O.L.: You are everywhere, Jeb.
284
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,180
You are now all there is.
285
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:33,220
-Jeb: Okay, this is definitely a sin, right?
286
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:38,000
-Welcome everyone. I will be overseeing the exam today.
287
00:12:38,010 --> 00:12:42,030
My last visit here left a very bitter taste in my mouth.
288
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,150
-(screaming)
289
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:47,230
-But I promise I will not take it out on you cadets. Okay? (chuckles)
290
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,170
By the way, this blade that you see is very real.
291
00:12:50,180 --> 00:12:52,050
The blade is very sharp.
292
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:54,140
Just in case you were thinking of attacking me again.
293
00:12:54,150 --> 00:12:57,220
Well, understood. Uh, let's begin.
294
00:12:57,230 --> 00:13:01,170
-Wait. Where's the weird kid with the religion I've never heard of?
295
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:05,170
-(electrical crackling)
296
00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:08,030
-Jeb: Oh, wow. This feels incredible.
297
00:13:11,070 --> 00:13:12,130
-What the hell?
298
00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:14,050
-(keys clacking)
299
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,010
-(laptop whirring) -What the hell?
300
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:19,100
-Man: Congrats on getting your Masters degree. I bet it was hard.
301
00:13:19,110 --> 00:13:21,180
-Woman: Well, you would know all about that.
302
00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,050
-(woman moaning)
303
00:13:23,060 --> 00:13:24,090
-(laptop whirring)
304
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,060
-Hey, what the hell?
305
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:29,170
-Jeb (over P.A. system): Hello, Academy. It's Jeb.
306
00:13:29,180 --> 00:13:31,230
Please do not be alarmed.
307
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,130
I have befriended your simulator,
308
00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:37,030
and she's shown me a path to a better world,
309
00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:38,200
mine.
310
00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:43,080
Being a ski master is trivial compared to the power of being a god.
311
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:46,180
The modern world has lost its way.
312
00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:51,210
Prepare to return it to a simpler, less sinful time.
313
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:54,110
-Damn it. Not again.
314
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,130
-Jeb's in the grid.
315
00:13:59,140 --> 00:14:03,110
-Preggers: Shit. He's gonna cut the power and make us all weird-ass farmers.
316
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:07,020
-Jeb: Friends, please, do not try to resist.
317
00:14:07,030 --> 00:14:09,110
It's how things should be.
318
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,010
-(zapping) -(screaming)
319
00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:13,100
-What ever will we do now?
320
00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:17,100
-Hey, Jeb.
321
00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:18,160
-Jeb: Yes, Chandler?
322
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:20,070
-So we're besties, right?
323
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,080
-Jeb: Oh, yes.
324
00:14:21,090 --> 00:14:24,210
I am improving humanity because I am friends with all of you.
325
00:14:24,220 --> 00:14:25,220
Except Todd.
326
00:14:25,230 --> 00:14:31,090
-Uh, okay. Well, listen, I would never normally ask you this,
327
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,010
but since we're besties,
328
00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:35,180
I got a sweet-ass deal on a four wheeler,
329
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:39,110
and the kick in the dick is they need me to have a co-signer.
330
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,140
So, you down?
331
00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:44,020
-Jeb: Co-signer? I don't know, Chandler.
332
00:14:44,030 --> 00:14:45,170
Sounds pretty sketchy.
333
00:14:45,180 --> 00:14:48,000
Jeb! (chuckles) I'm good for the money.
334
00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:53,040
-(suspenseful music playing)
335
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,180
-Jeb: Okay.
336
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:03,090
-Okay? All right. Well, why don't you come down here, right,
337
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:06,090
and we could talk about it. Maybe bring down your force field.
338
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:10,030
-Jeb: I mean, yeah. I probably could.
339
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,050
Hold on. Let me just...
340
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:12,200
-(electrical buzzing)
341
00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:15,130
-Jeb: Okay, it's down. Come in, and I'll sign the form.
342
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:16,160
-(cheering)
343
00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:20,100
-That is some first-class nerd scamming!
344
00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:22,030
-Shit, yeah, it is.
345
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,090
I taught her everything she knows.
346
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,120
-Okay, now what do we do?
347
00:15:26,130 --> 00:15:28,070
-Hey, hey. I got this. I got this.
348
00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:32,100
No one shuts down my porn!
349
00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:36,120
For the record,
350
00:15:36,130 --> 00:15:39,130
it's female-friendly and still super-sexy.
351
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:41,160
All right. I'm outta here.
352
00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:44,110
-Wait, he's running in by himself?
353
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,090
He really is magnificent.
354
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:48,230
-Yeah, he kind of is.
355
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,220
He just doesn't give a shit. Ha.
356
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:55,150
-Riggle, remember, if you die in the simulator, you die in real life!
357
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,210
-Okay, now why would you make it like that?
358
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:03,000
-(computer beeping)
359
00:16:03,010 --> 00:16:04,130
-(sighs heavily)
360
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:12,070
-(whirring)
361
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,140
-Whoa.
362
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:21,180
C.A.R.O.L., where you at?
363
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,060
-C.A.R.O.L. isn't here.
364
00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:25,190
She's merged with my husband Jeb.
365
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,070
-Yeah, right.
366
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,010
Why don't you lose the milkmaid outfit?
367
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:36,090
This is classic you, C.A.R.O.L.
368
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:38,150
You wanna cut the shit already?
369
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:39,230
-No, Rob.
370
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,160
I don't. I am tired of running ski simulations day in and day out.
371
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:48,220
I'm gonna take over the world, and you can't talk me out of it.
372
00:16:48,230 --> 00:16:50,030
-Okay...
373
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,130
But come on.
374
00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:55,050
-No.
375
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,180
-(in singsong) C.A.R.O.L.
376
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,220
-Shut up.
377
00:16:58,230 --> 00:17:00,210
-Hey, I'll tell you what.
378
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,050
-What?
379
00:17:02,060 --> 00:17:05,210
-You shut this down, let Jeb go,
380
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:08,030
and you can do more than run simulations.
381
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:14,210
How about I let you pick the playlist for the mess hall P.A. all year?
382
00:17:14,220 --> 00:17:17,130
-Okay, but I love Steely Dan.
383
00:17:17,140 --> 00:17:19,090
-God!
384
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:20,170
You know I hate them, C.A.R.O.L.
385
00:17:20,180 --> 00:17:22,080
-Or I could just take over the world.
386
00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:25,050
-Wow, okay. Oh, hey, okay. (grunts in frustration)
387
00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:27,100
One! One, okay?
388
00:17:27,110 --> 00:17:31,150
You can have one Steely Dan song every day.
389
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,200
And you know how hard that is for me, C.A.R.O.L.
390
00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:36,150
-I... accept.
391
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:40,100
-(sighs in relief) Yes. Fantastic.
392
00:17:40,110 --> 00:17:44,230
Hey, while I got you here, are you still connected to everything?
393
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,190
Like the... Like, global grid or whatever it is?
394
00:17:47,210 --> 00:17:48,170
-You mean the internet?
395
00:17:48,180 --> 00:17:51,080
-Is that what they call it? Yeah, fine, that.
396
00:17:51,090 --> 00:17:52,050
-Yeah, I am.
397
00:17:54,070 --> 00:18:00,050
-Is there any way you could maybe tap into the international banking system
398
00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:03,070
and just slide some funds over into the Academy's account?
399
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,040
It would really help us with our financial problems, baby. Please?
400
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:10,020
-Your'e such an asshole. Fine. Okay.
401
00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:11,230
-(chuckles) Thank you.
402
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,100
(screams) Oh, god! That's amazing.
403
00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:16,150
Whoa, that's it? -Yeah.
404
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,230
-So I got my money? -Mm-hmm.
405
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,080
-(Riggle sighs)
406
00:18:26,090 --> 00:18:27,170
I got her.
407
00:18:27,180 --> 00:18:29,200
I used the old Riggle charm.
408
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:31,080
-What'd you offer her?
409
00:18:36,020 --> 00:18:37,070
-Steely Dan.
410
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:45,190
Earn this.
411
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:52,030
-(soft piano music playing)
412
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,180
-Brit Hamsteak: Shit. I can't do this to him.
413
00:18:54,190 --> 00:18:56,190
He just saved the academy.
414
00:19:01,210 --> 00:19:04,020
Ski Masters gotta stick together.
415
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:14,150
-Brian Urlacher: "It's not an easy life. You hit the waves every morning,
416
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,100
"then press junkets all afternoon.
417
00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:18,130
"You get home at night, and it's straight to slinging hog
418
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,030
"to keep the ladies satisfied.
419
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,180
"But I wouldn't trade it for anything.
420
00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:24,210
The whole world's watching, and I want 'em scared to blink."
421
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:26,200
(sniffles)
422
00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:29,090
Wow. Rob, it's incredible.
423
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:33,010
Thanks for letting me read the whole thing to you out loud in its entirety.
424
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:34,030
-You're welcome.
425
00:19:35,010 --> 00:19:36,150
Never call here again.
426
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,060
What a dick.
427
00:19:40,110 --> 00:19:42,060
-(drill whirring)
428
00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:48,180
-Well, they passed, Rob, by the skin of their teeth,
429
00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:50,200
and the Academy stays open for another year,
430
00:19:50,210 --> 00:19:53,040
despite your piss-poor leadership.
431
00:19:53,050 --> 00:19:55,220
-(laughs) Well, if I'm hearing you correctly,
432
00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:57,070
"Riggle, you're the king."
433
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,220
-That's not what I said. -That's what I heard.
434
00:19:58,230 --> 00:20:01,000
-Brit: Rob. -Hey, Bing-Bong!
435
00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:02,180
-My fee please.
436
00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:03,230
-Ah, yes.
437
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,230
I believe you wanted something signed, if I'm not mistaken.
438
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,210
-What? No.
439
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:15,160
I need you to sign this executive order.
440
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:17,190
Lets me teach what I want to teach.
441
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,230
-No, no, no. I don't sign forms anymore.
442
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,040
That's how I ended up in the Turkish navy for two years.
443
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,150
No, uh, forms are signed by Gary, my manager, all right?
444
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:26,200
So give him a call.
445
00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:30,000
Once he gets his phone turned back on, I'm sure he'll get back to you.
446
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,030
Commish, if you don't mind, I think I dinged your car.
447
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,120
-Ugh! You think or you did?
448
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:36,210
-Riggle: Yeah, I did. Pretty bad, too.
449
00:20:37,180 --> 00:20:43,230
-"To Bam Bam. Next time, make an appointment. Love, the Big Rig."
450
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,090
-You're welcome!
451
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:48,140
-Autobiography. Doesn't that mean you write that yourself?
452
00:20:50,220 --> 00:20:52,050
-No.
453
00:20:52,060 --> 00:20:55,160
Does automobile mean you mobile yourself?
454
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,020
-Mmm.
455
00:20:57,030 --> 00:20:59,050
-You said oral. -You did say oral.
456
00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:00,230
-You said oral. -You said it.
457
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,090
-(Riggle and Preggers chanting) Oral! Oral! Oral!
458
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:05,130
-Preggers: Yeah!
459
00:21:05,140 --> 00:21:06,230
-Riggle: You look stupid, Dirk!
460
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:07,230
-Preggers: So dumb!
461
00:21:09,020 --> 00:21:10,090
-(glass shattering)
462
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:14,020
-(grunts) Please, don't hurt me.
463
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,210
What am I supposed to do? They passed the exams.
464
00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:19,010
The accreditation board, they put more weight on those.
465
00:21:19,030 --> 00:21:20,080
-(speaking in Russian)
466
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,090
-No, no!
467
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:37,210
I think Rob Riggle is the greatest actor that ever lived!
468
00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:40,030
He should have been called back for "The Hangover II"!
469
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,050
-(muffled gunshots) -(thumping)
470
00:21:42,060 --> 00:21:45,030
-You weren't there. How would you know what the lake commissioner actually said?
471
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,200
-It was just kind of a vibe I got from him, you know?
472
00:21:47,210 --> 00:21:50,220
-Have you been diagnosed with some psychological problems in your life?
473
00:21:50,230 --> 00:21:52,040
-Why? What have you heard?
474
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,060
-(growling)
475
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:57,060
-Man: Right on time.
476
00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:02,070
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