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1
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-And thank you. -Thank you.
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-Gary: That concludes our moment of silence for the great Jim Bassman,
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and his tragic death, which, like so many others,
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were not Rob Riggle's fault, okay?
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-Rob Riggle: Thank you, Gary.
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Now, we can get back to some real questions perhaps, huh?
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-Yeah. Hi, Rob. Jeff Tubs, "Wave Attitude."
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-Jeff.
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-When you say your academy is under review, what does that mean?
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What difference does accreditation make to an institution
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that specializes in Jet Skis, Ski-Doos...
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-Look, Jeff, there are zoning issues, okay?
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There's job market benefits,
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but above all, we get to jack up the tuition, all right?
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When it's accredited, we get a bigger tuition,
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and we get that up front.
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-You get the money up front so you can murder them later?
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-No.
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-How did Gil survive that huge explosion?
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-I don't know. All I know is that he did survive.
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-Hey, hey, let's have a moment of silence for Gil.
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-No, Gil is still alive.
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-What you're saying is your business practice is
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to take as much money from people as possible, which is basically corrupt?
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-No. No. -(scoffing)
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-Everything we do is legit.
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-Six grand, cash.
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-You give us a passing grade, we all go about our day.
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-(briefcase unlocking)
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-(flies buzzing)
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-I'm sorry, Preggers.
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But frankly, I think it's time that Rob inspected.
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Over the years, his academy has brought a lot of embarrassment to Boner Lake.
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-How dare you, Carl?
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(grumbles) We are a victim of circumstance here, okay?
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Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy is a tightly run ship
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and ethical as hell.
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-Really? Because you're in the process of bribing me right now.
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-Slow down.
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I'm just trying to show you my sweet, new briefcase, okay?
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Sorry if I like sharing my life with people. (laughs)
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On behalf of mildly-successful actor, Rob Riggle,
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we's all look forward to your review, Carl, okay?
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And remember,
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nothing happened here.
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-Okay, but something did happen here,
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and I'm not gonna let it slide, okay?
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That's what I'm trying to tell you.
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-I got you.
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-I hope you do sincerely. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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-I really don't like you winking at me.
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-I feel uncomfortable. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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-(theme song playing)
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-♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy ♪
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♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy ♪
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-(screaming)
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-♪ We will kick your ass ♪
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-Holy shit!
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-(Riggle humming)
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-Solved!
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-(telephone ringing)
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-(dance music playing through telephone) -Hello.
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-Hey, Rob. How's your day?
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-Urlacher, it's busy. Got a big review today.
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Totally, and I don't wanna take up too much of your time.
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It's just...
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Did you have a chance to read my book that I sent over?
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-Is that what this is?
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Urlacher (on telephone): Yeah, I'd really like you to write the forward.
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If you're interested.
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Yeah, I suppose.
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I'm going to have to read it, though, you know.
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Can't just write something. I gotta believe in it.
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-I completely understand.
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Is it okay if I circle back in, what, a week or so?
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-Riggle (on telephone): Yeah, that's fine.
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I can read a book in a week.
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-Great. Thanks so much, Rob.
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-(telephone ringing)
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- You've got Gary. -Gary, it's Riggle.
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I just got big-timed by Urlacher again.
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Get me a publisher.
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I'm writing a book.
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-(classical music playing)
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-Mm.
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Mm. No, no. That's too firm.
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It's poached, not coddled.
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-My apologies, Chauncy.
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-Oh, you'll let me know if I'm being a thorn, won't you?
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I hope you're not treating me differently because of my parents.
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-Oh, no. This is standard fare.
92
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How's the bidet?
93
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-I'm squeaky clean. -(squeaking)
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-Dirk, bribe didn't work.
95
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What the hell is this?
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-Dirk: Uh... -This is as nice as Rob's house.
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This is way nicer than your house.
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-Okay, okay. Let's go. Let's go outside. -Preggers: Wow!
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-Look, so Chauncy's parents are rich, Swiss nationals.
100
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Now, I've been trying to make some money,
101
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so I offered a premium package to all the cadets' parents.
102
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Chauncy's parents are the only ones that bit.
103
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-That's great. How much we get?
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-We get about $20,000.
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-You shut your face.
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-I know, right?
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-So, now, all you gotta do is be his little bitch.
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-I don't think I have to be his bitch.
109
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-No, that seems like that's it. -I don't think.
110
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-Well, it seems like you just kinda cook-coddled him some eggs
111
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like a little bitch boy, so...
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-Where's the, uh, briefcase?
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-Which briefcase?
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-The briefcase that I handed you.
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The one filled with money.
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-Chancy, look, this little arrangement you got here,
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it's tight as hell,
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but I'm gonna need you to suspend it for a day, okay?
119
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The Lake Commissioner has gotta see that this is an equal-opportunity camp.
120
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So, do you think you can act like a normal person
121
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for just a little bit?
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-Hmm. You mean a poor?
123
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-That is right.
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-(sighs) I suppose so.
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(clears throat)
126
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Oh, my bills! I have so much bills!
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Oh, I can't go to the hospital when I want to!
128
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Oh, is this food from a microwave? (chuckling)
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-That is hilarious. Let's get you back out with the others.
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Come on. Here we go.
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-(upbeat rock music playing)
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-(upbeat rock music ends)
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-(zapping)
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-I'll get it.
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-(dramatic music playing)
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-(ominous rustling)
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-(ominous rustling intensifies)
138
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-Where did it go?
139
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-Um... Um, maybe we could use a big stick.
140
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-We could use my dick, that's pretty big. (laughing)
141
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-I often regret my friendship with you, Brother Todd.
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Oh, this might work.
143
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-Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait!
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What the hell are you doing? Did you read the sign?
145
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-Rather unspecific.
146
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-Anything that goes in those things never comes out.
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-What do you mean "never comes out"?
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Show us.
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-Okay.
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-Jeb: Oh!
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-(zapping)
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-Todd: (laughing) That's freakin' dope!
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-Lucky you, I have many of those.
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-Anyway, show's over, all right?
155
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You guys get out of here. Those things are dangerous.
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Strike one!
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-(ominous rustling)
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-Do you think we should leave as brother Gil commands?
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-No, I think we should throw more shit in there.
160
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-Agreed.
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The National Association of Water Sports
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and Dressage Education has tasked me with investigating
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whether this is an appropriate learning environment.
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My report, coupled with your performance on the midterm exams,
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will determine if this academy will remain an accredited institution.
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-Well, uh, Commissioner, allow me to introduce our cadets.
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It is a, uh, small class.
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-I thought you were down to four. You only have two here.
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-I couldn't find Jeb, and I didn't wanna find Todd.
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-Oh, so two cadets are just missing? Okay.
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-Why don't we, uh, take a tour of the facilities?
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You know, every cadet gets their own towel now.
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-Commissioner: Really?
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-Dirk: Yeah, before, they had to share one.
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-I am...
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Rob Riggle. (chuckles)
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Ah!
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Okay, here we go, Riggle. Come on. Fire! Fire! Fire!
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As Riggle crested the mountain...
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(exclaiming in frustration)
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I am...
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strong.
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(grumbling in frustration)
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Were you ever in a band? What have you got? Come on!
185
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Were you ever... stood up on a date?
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(laughing) Of course not, Riggle.
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You're too cool for that.
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My favorite color...
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is...
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TBD.
191
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-(knocking on door)
192
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-Uh, not now. I'm getting stuff done in here.
193
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-(sighing) Rob, we gotta talk, ski shredder to ski shredder.
194
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My dad is not letting up on letting me teach stunts,
195
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so I need you to sign this executive order to change the class assignments.
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If not for your employee,
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do it for your number one fan.
198
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-My number one fan?
199
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-Yeah, big time!
200
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I mean, I've always thought you were kick-ass.
201
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-Really?
202
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Would you say you could write a book on me?
203
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-Yeah!
204
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-Congratulations! You're hired!
205
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-You are now the official autobiographer of Rob Riggle.
206
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-Oh... literally write the book on you? -Yeah.
207
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And if you knock this thing out,
208
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I'll sign whatever you want.
209
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-You have got yourself a deal. -(laughing)
210
00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:38,070
All right, Bing-Bong, get to typing.
211
00:09:38,090 --> 00:09:41,090
I'm gonna get some beef jerky. I'll be back in about five minutes.
212
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Why don't you have about 10 pages done?
213
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,000
-Uh... -Clackity-clack! Come on!
214
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-He misspelled "Riggle."
215
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-(upbeat rock music playing)
216
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-(Todd and Jeb laughing) -(zapping)
217
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Yes!
218
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-(Todd and Jeb laughing) -(zapping)
219
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-(grunting)
220
00:10:01,190 --> 00:10:05,100
-(Todd and Jeb laughing) -(zapping)
221
00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:08,220
I have to say, us Levitical Scientists would normally shun
222
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:11,050
this kind of secular experimentation,
223
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but this really is quite exhilarating.
224
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-Learning can be hella tight sometimes.
225
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,020
-(Todd grunting)
226
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-(Jeb laughing) -(zapping)
227
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-Jeb: Do you think anyone will notice
228
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we threw all the personal watercraft in there?
229
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,090
-Todd: Nah.
230
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,160
-So, you're an academy specializing in personal watercraft,
231
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,050
and yet, I don't see any personal watercraft.
232
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-Yeah, how many points off that gonna be?
233
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-A lot, but not as many as you would think.
234
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-I'm sure the fleet is around here somewhere. We should ask Gil.
235
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-Preggers: Yeah. Shit, yeah!
236
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I'll go run ahead and make sure he's not stoned...
237
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:47,160
to the death by a bunch of Christians
238
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for being too good an example. Cool!
239
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-(music playing on cell phone) -(laughing)
240
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-So... -Oh. Wait. Wait. Wait.
241
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-(music stops)
242
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-(tapping repeatedly)
243
00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,200
-Okay, you.
244
00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:09,140
-What was it like after the first "Ski Master" movie came out? Uh...
245
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,210
-Oh, my god! I don't know.
246
00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:14,140
We made a movie, and then life kicked ass, all right?
247
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:18,170
Chapter two. You need to beef this stuff up, Bam-Bam. That's your job.
248
00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:19,200
-It's Brit-Brit.
249
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,100
-Well, that's just as dumb.
250
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Listen, whatever.
251
00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:25,000
I gotta go. I'm Audi 5G.
252
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:27,090
I've got a personal appearance over at Senor Dicks,
253
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,100
and they dock you a hundo if you're not...
254
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:31,190
You know what? You don't need my life story.
255
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,200
So, I'm out.
256
00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:37,110
Who locked this?
257
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:43,180
-I need more sources.
258
00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:46,030
-(engine cranking)
259
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,220
-Dirk: Okay, uh, Gil.
260
00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:53,150
Ah, yes. Uh, this is our director of, uh, maintenance.
261
00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,120
Uh, this is Gil.
262
00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,100
-Hi, Gil.
263
00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:57,200
-Hi.
264
00:11:57,210 --> 00:11:59,000
-What are you repairing?
265
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,090
-Oh, uh, this? -Commissioner: Yeah.
266
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,090
-Um, this isn't a repair.
267
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:07,000
I, uh, rigged an old personal watercraft and this washing machine,
268
00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:10,010
and together, they make my Erotica-ton.
269
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,230
My sex robot. What?
270
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,060
-(engine running)
271
00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:18,020
-(metal clanking)
272
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:41,080
-Oh, uh, Gil, uh... Do you happen to know where our fleet has vanished to?
273
00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,050
-Uh, I have no idea.
274
00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:45,110
I'm banned from going near it, remember?
275
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:47,070
Uh, because I killed someone.
276
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:50,220
-Out of curiosity, how many points off is that gonna be?
277
00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:52,160
-It's gonna be a lot.
278
00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:56,140
-Todd and Jeb: (chanting) Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds!
279
00:12:56,150 --> 00:13:00,120
Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds!
280
00:13:00,130 --> 00:13:02,140
-Hey, hey, hey! God damn it! Pull him back!
281
00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:03,200
-Whoa!
282
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:05,100
-What did I say? What did I say?
283
00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:09,050
Did you guys take our entire personal watercraft fleet
284
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,170
and put them in those reeds?
285
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,000
-(screaming)
286
00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:13,040
Whoa!
287
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,130
-Gil: Okay, grow up!
288
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,070
What is the big fascination with these?
289
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,130
They're just inter-dimensional reeds. That's is. Let's go.
290
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:24,140
I don't have time for this. I have a date.
291
00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:28,080
-So, Lake and Ski Culture? Is this, like, a sociology class?
292
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:30,060
-Yes, with a little chemistry mixed in.
293
00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,000
-Now, that is why it's important
294
00:13:32,010 --> 00:13:36,100
to always mix your grain alcohols with a Gatorade or something like that, okay,
295
00:13:36,110 --> 00:13:39,040
before you turn up at the lake.
296
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:42,140
Now, if you show up, okay, and there are no open containers,
297
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:46,050
do not bring a red cup. It isn't gonna work. They're looking for that shit.
298
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:49,110
-I, for one, hate those men who police our public beaches
299
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,200
where all we common folk gather by the thousands
300
00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:55,200
to enjoy our lime-infused ale and act like animals.
301
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:59,030
-Preggers: Shit yeah, Chauncy! You are just a normal cadet.
302
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,190
Oh, well, well, well, look who decided to join us.
303
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,180
-'Sup?
304
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:06,080
-Pretty cool move rolling up late like that.
305
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:07,180
Right that down, Chandler.
306
00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:08,190
Thank you.
307
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,170
All right, now, how do we deal with a ski-UI?
308
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:16,130
Do any of you know how to blackmail any arresting officer?
309
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:18,160
-Okay, I've had enough. This is ridiculous.
310
00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:21,050
What? Did Preggers just start teaching this class yesterday?
311
00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:23,100
-Um, a couple weeks ago, Carl. Step off.
312
00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:26,090
-Okay, look a Big Gulp cup is good.
313
00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:30,030
It's big. It's sturdy. You don't have to stop and waste money on a Gatorade.
314
00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,090
-God damn it, Carl. One of these.
315
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,140
Yeah! Shit, yeah! He's right. Write it down.
316
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:39,160
-Commissioner, just so I know, how we doing?
317
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,170
-Well, from what I've seen,
318
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,130
I'm sorry, Dirk.
319
00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:50,020
You've failed the inspection. That was the rest of it. -Dirk and Preggers: Aw!
320
00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:52,010
-I thought you could tell from the context.
321
00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:58,030
-God damn it, Carl! You've gotta give us a second chance, okay?
322
00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,140
Now, I need this job.
323
00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:01,160
You don't want me on the loose. I'll tell you that.
324
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:04,060
-Let it go, Preggers. This place is a disaster,
325
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:08,120
and it's proven itself to be a life-threatening risk to anyone that attends.
326
00:15:08,130 --> 00:15:10,040
This academy needs to be shut down.
327
00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:11,180
That's what's going in my report.
328
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:14,070
-Oh-ho-ho! (laughing)
329
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,130
Look who got paid!
330
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:18,110
I'm telling you what. You gotta get into the personal appearance game.
331
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,190
I just made bank. (laughing)
332
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,220
How's it going here?
333
00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:23,130
Good or great?
334
00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:25,160
-Well, we failed the review, so...
335
00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:27,140
-What? -We're screwed.
336
00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:31,130
-Well, hold on now. That review nonsense is only half of it.
337
00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,100
We could still pass the midterms, right?
338
00:15:33,110 --> 00:15:34,130
-Really?
339
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:37,010
Do you think these geniuses are gonna pass the midterm?
340
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,210
-Oh, yeah! Look, no hands!
341
00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:40,180
-They might.
342
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,100
-(moaning)
343
00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:45,030
-Come with me, please. Pregs, you too.
344
00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:48,230
-Yeah, I'm right here. I am right behind you.
345
00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:52,020
-(drum line music playing)
346
00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:05,190
-You know, when I started this academy,
347
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:10,190
I did it to install the values that I received
348
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:15,070
while rocking hard on the waves my entire professional career.
349
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:19,060
Letting the water hit my face, looking sexy as shit.
350
00:16:19,070 --> 00:16:24,070
Some of those values I put out there every day.
351
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,090
Things like being kick-ass,
352
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,200
and no taking any shit from anyone,
353
00:16:29,210 --> 00:16:31,070
and, uh...
354
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,220
You know, doing unto others as they would blah, blah, blah, blah.
355
00:16:37,050 --> 00:16:39,120
But mainly, kicking ass
356
00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:41,190
and not taking shit from anyone.
357
00:16:42,150 --> 00:16:44,070
And I'll be damned...
358
00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:47,220
I will be damned
359
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,160
if I let something like "accreditation"
360
00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:54,140
or "wrongful death" bring us down.
361
00:16:56,070 --> 00:17:00,040
We're gonna teach these cadets real hard,
362
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,210
and they're gonna pass your precious midterms.
363
00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,200
-That is beautiful, Rob.
364
00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:10,040
-Yeah.
365
00:17:10,050 --> 00:17:14,170
So, I guess you won't be turning in that bad report, will you?
366
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:16,060
-Oh, I most definitely am.
367
00:17:16,070 --> 00:17:19,200
-Oh, come on! What's it gonna take? Seriously?
368
00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:21,070
-What's going on over there?
369
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,070
-Oh, that' guy is gonna shut down the school because it's crazy and dangerous.
370
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,190
-Riggle: I mean, the list is long, sir.
371
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,010
-Commissioner: Yeah? -Riggle: Yeah.
372
00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:31,050
-Jeb... -We know what to do.
373
00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:33,100
-Riggle: I'm talking about all eight "Ski Masters," all right?
374
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:36,010
I will give you the Blu-ray DVD signed.
375
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,210
I'm talking singed DVDs.
376
00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:41,130
"Ski Master: Assignment Tampa," "Ski Master: Revengence."
377
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,230
-Can't I just stream it? Who has a DVD player?
378
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,120
-I don't make any money if you stream it.
379
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,150
-Yeah, that's true.
380
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,090
-Okay, my deal is on DVDs, see? So, I need to get a...
381
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:53,080
-Pardon me. I'm so sorry. King Riggle, we couldn't help but notice
382
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:56,160
that the Lake Commissioner had not yet toured the reeds area.
383
00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,100
-Oh, yeah. I don't...
384
00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:01,110
I don't think that's necessary. Nah, we're good.
385
00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,020
-Well, what is this reeds area that you're talking about?
386
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:06,180
-Huh? What's that now? -No, nothing.
387
00:18:06,190 --> 00:18:08,130
Uh, you wouldn't be interested in it anyway.
388
00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:09,110
-Yeah.
389
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,020
-I mean, it's, uh, probably something that'd just get us in more trouble.
390
00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:13,000
-Okay.
391
00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,100
-Well, maybe I am interested in it.
392
00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:16,150
Why don't we take a little walk down there?
393
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,070
-Well, if you insist.
394
00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:26,050
-Do you know about the reeds? -Oh, I know all about the reeds.
395
00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:28,130
This is the last time the Lake Commissioner messes
396
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:31,050
with Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy.
397
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,080
Here's the plan.
398
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,200
-(screaming)
399
00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:40,150
-(grunting) Yeah, that's right. That's what you get.
400
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:42,060
-Trying to throw me in the reeds,
401
00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:43,200
you son of a bitch! -(groaning)
402
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:48,030
-Yeah, I'm gonna file the shit out of that report.
403
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,090
Yeah, good luck on midterms, assholes.
404
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,060
-Riggle: All right.
405
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,110
-All right.
406
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,180
-All in all, not a bad attempt.
407
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:06,180
-Rob, I think it was maybe a bad idea to try to murder him.
408
00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:08,160
-Live and learn, people. Live and learn.
409
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,140
We've been in worse jams than this before.
410
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,140
-Preggers: Okay.
411
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:15,110
-You cadets are gonna have to study for those midterms. That's clear.
412
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,190
As far as our money problems go,
413
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,160
I got that on lock.
414
00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:23,010
Bam-Bam is writing my book right now.
415
00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:26,050
So, you pass the midterms,
416
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:29,150
and that publicity bump we're gonna get from the greatest story ever told,
417
00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:31,220
no one will dare shut us down.
418
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,210
(groaning) -Preggers: Rob, you okay?
419
00:19:35,230 --> 00:19:37,110
Uh-oh. -(groans)
420
00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:40,100
Feed my fish.
421
00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:43,170
-Gil.
422
00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,150
-Oh, yeah.
423
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:49,050
-Hey, um, I was wondering if you'd do an interview for Rob's book.
424
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:50,100
-All right, what do you wanna know?
425
00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:53,120
-Oh, just any anecdotes you might have on him,
426
00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:57,110
or maybe you have some thoughts on how Riggle changed the ski stunt world.
427
00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:00,190
-Not really. You know his whole "Ski Master" image is fake, right?
428
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,010
-You ever wonder why a weirdo with no clear job
429
00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:09,090
is living in this sweet house, rent-free?
430
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:12,110
Riggle can't get rid of me because I know the truth.
431
00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:13,180
Also, he's my best friend.
432
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,040
-And what is the truth?
433
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,170
-Your dad did all the big stunts for "Ski Masters", right?
434
00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:22,220
-Yeah, assembling a Jet Ski while skydiving
435
00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:24,100
in "Ski Master: Revengence,"
436
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:28,040
Jumping the Burj Khalifa in "Ski Master: To Ski or Not To Ski?" I mean...
437
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,070
-Right, but Dirk didn't just do the big stunts, kid.
438
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,010
-What do you mean?
439
00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:35,060
-He stood in for every single ski shot.
440
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:38,000
Any time Riggle is on the water, it's Dirk.
441
00:20:38,010 --> 00:20:40,090
You know why?
442
00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:44,070
Riggle doesn't know how to ride a Jet Ski, a Sea-Doo, WaveRunner,
443
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,210
personal watercraft, or anything.
444
00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:52,060
He's made a whole career out of being the celebrity face of sweet-ass ski culture,
445
00:20:52,070 --> 00:20:53,150
but you get him out on the waves,
446
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,160
and he's gonna get himself killed.
447
00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,060
He's a lying asshole,
448
00:20:57,070 --> 00:20:58,150
and he's my best friend.
449
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:03,000
-So, Riggle has just been conning everyone?
450
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:04,210
-Yep, and it's the perfect crime.
451
00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:09,050
Because from a distance, he and Dirk look almost exactly alike.
452
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,190
-That's true.
453
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,070
(sighs)
454
00:21:14,030 --> 00:21:17,030
Oh, my god!
455
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,150
Rob Riggle is full of shit.
456
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,180
-(dramatic music playing)
457
00:21:25,030 --> 00:21:26,190
-I trusted you!
458
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:29,200
You son of a bitch!
459
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,060
(sighs)
460
00:21:35,110 --> 00:21:36,140
(exhales deeply)
461
00:21:36,150 --> 00:21:38,130
"Rob Riggle:
462
00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:42,000
"The True Story
463
00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:46,090
of an A-List Asshole."
464
00:21:47,030 --> 00:21:48,060
Hmm.
465
00:21:48,070 --> 00:21:52,040
-(dramatic music playing)
466
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,060
-(growling)
467
00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:57,010
-Man: Right on time.
468
00:22:00,060 --> 00:22:02,060
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