All language subtitles for Rob.Riggles.Ski.Master.Academy.S01E03.Into.The.Reeds.WEBRip.x264-ION10

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,070 --> 00:00:17,200 -And thank you. -Thank you. 2 00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:21,110 -Gary: That concludes our moment of silence for the great Jim Bassman, 3 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,210 and his tragic death, which, like so many others, 4 00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:27,220 were not Rob Riggle's fault, okay? 5 00:00:27,230 --> 00:00:29,170 -Rob Riggle: Thank you, Gary. 6 00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:31,230 Now, we can get back to some real questions perhaps, huh? 7 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,130 -Yeah. Hi, Rob. Jeff Tubs, "Wave Attitude." 8 00:00:34,140 --> 00:00:35,110 -Jeff. 9 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,170 -When you say your academy is under review, what does that mean? 10 00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:39,200 What difference does accreditation make to an institution 11 00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:41,220 that specializes in Jet Skis, Ski-Doos... 12 00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:44,200 -Look, Jeff, there are zoning issues, okay? 13 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:47,120 There's job market benefits, 14 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,140 but above all, we get to jack up the tuition, all right? 15 00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:52,180 When it's accredited, we get a bigger tuition, 16 00:00:52,190 --> 00:00:54,060 and we get that up front. 17 00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:56,050 -You get the money up front so you can murder them later? 18 00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:57,060 -No. 19 00:00:57,070 --> 00:00:58,210 -How did Gil survive that huge explosion? 20 00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:01,090 -I don't know. All I know is that he did survive. 21 00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:04,020 -Hey, hey, let's have a moment of silence for Gil. 22 00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,160 -No, Gil is still alive. 23 00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:07,080 -What you're saying is your business practice is 24 00:01:07,090 --> 00:01:09,210 to take as much money from people as possible, which is basically corrupt? 25 00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:11,010 -No. No. -(scoffing) 26 00:01:11,020 --> 00:01:13,120 -Everything we do is legit. 27 00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:17,150 -Six grand, cash. 28 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,040 -You give us a passing grade, we all go about our day. 29 00:01:21,050 --> 00:01:22,080 -(briefcase unlocking) 30 00:01:22,090 --> 00:01:24,090 -(flies buzzing) 31 00:01:25,230 --> 00:01:27,150 -I'm sorry, Preggers. 32 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:30,060 But frankly, I think it's time that Rob inspected. 33 00:01:30,070 --> 00:01:34,150 Over the years, his academy has brought a lot of embarrassment to Boner Lake. 34 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:36,010 -How dare you, Carl? 35 00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:38,220 (grumbles) We are a victim of circumstance here, okay? 36 00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:41,120 Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy is a tightly run ship 37 00:01:41,130 --> 00:01:43,000 and ethical as hell. 38 00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:45,080 -Really? Because you're in the process of bribing me right now. 39 00:01:45,090 --> 00:01:47,070 -Slow down. 40 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,200 I'm just trying to show you my sweet, new briefcase, okay? 41 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:54,050 Sorry if I like sharing my life with people. (laughs) 42 00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:57,170 On behalf of mildly-successful actor, Rob Riggle, 43 00:01:57,180 --> 00:02:01,030 we's all look forward to your review, Carl, okay? 44 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,140 And remember, 45 00:02:02,150 --> 00:02:05,000 nothing happened here. 46 00:02:05,010 --> 00:02:07,120 -Okay, but something did happen here, 47 00:02:07,130 --> 00:02:09,000 and I'm not gonna let it slide, okay? 48 00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:10,110 That's what I'm trying to tell you. 49 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,040 -I got you. 50 00:02:12,050 --> 00:02:13,210 -I hope you do sincerely. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 51 00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:16,020 -I really don't like you winking at me. 52 00:02:16,030 --> 00:02:18,030 -I feel uncomfortable. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 53 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:19,100 -(theme song playing) 54 00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:22,080 -♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy ♪ 55 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:28,110 ♪ Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy ♪ 56 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,180 -(screaming) 57 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:32,090 -♪ We will kick your ass ♪ 58 00:02:32,220 --> 00:02:34,130 -Holy shit! 59 00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:36,160 -(Riggle humming) 60 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,220 -Solved! 61 00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:45,120 -(telephone ringing) 62 00:02:45,130 --> 00:02:48,070 -(dance music playing through telephone) -Hello. 63 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,190 -Hey, Rob. How's your day? 64 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,170 -Urlacher, it's busy. Got a big review today. 65 00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:54,100 Totally, and I don't wanna take up too much of your time. 66 00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:55,110 It's just... 67 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,130 Did you have a chance to read my book that I sent over? 68 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,070 -Is that what this is? 69 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,110 Urlacher (on telephone): Yeah, I'd really like you to write the forward. 70 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:05,000 If you're interested. 71 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:09,180 Yeah, I suppose. 72 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,110 I'm going to have to read it, though, you know. 73 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,110 Can't just write something. I gotta believe in it. 74 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,030 -I completely understand. 75 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,150 Is it okay if I circle back in, what, a week or so? 76 00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:20,030 -Riggle (on telephone): Yeah, that's fine. 77 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,120 I can read a book in a week. 78 00:03:22,130 --> 00:03:24,060 -Great. Thanks so much, Rob. 79 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:28,060 -(telephone ringing) 80 00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:31,040 - You've got Gary. -Gary, it's Riggle. 81 00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:34,120 I just got big-timed by Urlacher again. 82 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,020 Get me a publisher. 83 00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:37,180 I'm writing a book. 84 00:03:37,190 --> 00:03:39,180 -(classical music playing) 85 00:03:45,090 --> 00:03:46,110 -Mm. 86 00:03:47,030 --> 00:03:49,160 Mm. No, no. That's too firm. 87 00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:51,140 It's poached, not coddled. 88 00:03:51,150 --> 00:03:53,070 -My apologies, Chauncy. 89 00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:56,060 -Oh, you'll let me know if I'm being a thorn, won't you? 90 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,120 I hope you're not treating me differently because of my parents. 91 00:03:58,140 --> 00:04:01,080 -Oh, no. This is standard fare. 92 00:04:01,090 --> 00:04:02,090 How's the bidet? 93 00:04:02,110 --> 00:04:03,200 -I'm squeaky clean. -(squeaking) 94 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:06,010 -Dirk, bribe didn't work. 95 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:07,130 What the hell is this? 96 00:04:07,140 --> 00:04:09,170 -Dirk: Uh... -This is as nice as Rob's house. 97 00:04:09,180 --> 00:04:11,120 This is way nicer than your house. 98 00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:14,050 -Okay, okay. Let's go. Let's go outside. -Preggers: Wow! 99 00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:18,090 -Look, so Chauncy's parents are rich, Swiss nationals. 100 00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:19,220 Now, I've been trying to make some money, 101 00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:22,170 so I offered a premium package to all the cadets' parents. 102 00:04:22,180 --> 00:04:24,160 Chauncy's parents are the only ones that bit. 103 00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,130 -That's great. How much we get? 104 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,020 -We get about $20,000. 105 00:04:28,030 --> 00:04:29,080 -You shut your face. 106 00:04:29,090 --> 00:04:30,070 -I know, right? 107 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,070 -So, now, all you gotta do is be his little bitch. 108 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,170 -I don't think I have to be his bitch. 109 00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:35,150 -No, that seems like that's it. -I don't think. 110 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,010 -Well, it seems like you just kinda cook-coddled him some eggs 111 00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:39,160 like a little bitch boy, so... 112 00:04:39,170 --> 00:04:41,200 -Where's the, uh, briefcase? 113 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:42,220 -Which briefcase? 114 00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:44,070 -The briefcase that I handed you. 115 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,070 The one filled with money. 116 00:04:46,090 --> 00:04:49,030 -Chancy, look, this little arrangement you got here, 117 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,100 it's tight as hell, 118 00:04:50,110 --> 00:04:52,140 but I'm gonna need you to suspend it for a day, okay? 119 00:04:52,150 --> 00:04:56,030 The Lake Commissioner has gotta see that this is an equal-opportunity camp. 120 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,090 So, do you think you can act like a normal person 121 00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,090 for just a little bit? 122 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:01,110 -Hmm. You mean a poor? 123 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,210 -That is right. 124 00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:05,080 -(sighs) I suppose so. 125 00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:07,060 (clears throat) 126 00:05:07,070 --> 00:05:10,080 Oh, my bills! I have so much bills! 127 00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:13,210 Oh, I can't go to the hospital when I want to! 128 00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:18,010 Oh, is this food from a microwave? (chuckling) 129 00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:20,070 -That is hilarious. Let's get you back out with the others. 130 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,110 Come on. Here we go. 131 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:28,020 -(upbeat rock music playing) 132 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,180 -(upbeat rock music ends) 133 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:40,130 -(zapping) 134 00:05:41,150 --> 00:05:43,020 -I'll get it. 135 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,160 -(dramatic music playing) 136 00:05:48,170 --> 00:05:49,230 -(ominous rustling) 137 00:05:52,130 --> 00:05:56,000 -(ominous rustling intensifies) 138 00:05:57,210 --> 00:05:58,170 -Where did it go? 139 00:05:58,180 --> 00:06:01,230 -Um... Um, maybe we could use a big stick. 140 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,230 -We could use my dick, that's pretty big. (laughing) 141 00:06:07,190 --> 00:06:10,030 -I often regret my friendship with you, Brother Todd. 142 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,170 Oh, this might work. 143 00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:14,230 -Hey! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait! 144 00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:18,010 What the hell are you doing? Did you read the sign? 145 00:06:20,210 --> 00:06:22,090 -Rather unspecific. 146 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:25,210 -Anything that goes in those things never comes out. 147 00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:27,230 -What do you mean "never comes out"? 148 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,010 Show us. 149 00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:30,110 -Okay. 150 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,160 -Jeb: Oh! 151 00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:34,000 -(zapping) 152 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,090 -Todd: (laughing) That's freakin' dope! 153 00:06:40,010 --> 00:06:42,070 -Lucky you, I have many of those. 154 00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:43,210 -Anyway, show's over, all right? 155 00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:45,200 You guys get out of here. Those things are dangerous. 156 00:06:45,210 --> 00:06:47,100 Strike one! 157 00:06:52,110 --> 00:06:54,000 -(ominous rustling) 158 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,090 -Do you think we should leave as brother Gil commands? 159 00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:02,070 -No, I think we should throw more shit in there. 160 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,140 -Agreed. 161 00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:09,030 The National Association of Water Sports 162 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,180 and Dressage Education has tasked me with investigating 163 00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:15,230 whether this is an appropriate learning environment. 164 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,200 My report, coupled with your performance on the midterm exams, 165 00:07:19,210 --> 00:07:24,050 will determine if this academy will remain an accredited institution. 166 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:26,200 -Well, uh, Commissioner, allow me to introduce our cadets. 167 00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:29,040 It is a, uh, small class. 168 00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:31,090 -I thought you were down to four. You only have two here. 169 00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:35,080 -I couldn't find Jeb, and I didn't wanna find Todd. 170 00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:39,010 -Oh, so two cadets are just missing? Okay. 171 00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:41,160 -Why don't we, uh, take a tour of the facilities? 172 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:44,130 You know, every cadet gets their own towel now. 173 00:07:44,140 --> 00:07:45,150 -Commissioner: Really? 174 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,180 -Dirk: Yeah, before, they had to share one. 175 00:07:49,060 --> 00:07:52,030 -I am... 176 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,230 Rob Riggle. (chuckles) 177 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,210 Ah! 178 00:07:59,220 --> 00:08:02,180 Okay, here we go, Riggle. Come on. Fire! Fire! Fire! 179 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,080 As Riggle crested the mountain... 180 00:08:05,090 --> 00:08:06,120 (exclaiming in frustration) 181 00:08:06,130 --> 00:08:09,110 I am... 182 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,190 strong. 183 00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,220 (grumbling in frustration) 184 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:19,030 Were you ever in a band? What have you got? Come on! 185 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,060 Were you ever... stood up on a date? 186 00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:24,160 (laughing) Of course not, Riggle. 187 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,100 You're too cool for that. 188 00:08:26,110 --> 00:08:29,030 My favorite color... 189 00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:32,000 is... 190 00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,130 TBD. 191 00:08:37,140 --> 00:08:38,100 -(knocking on door) 192 00:08:38,110 --> 00:08:42,050 -Uh, not now. I'm getting stuff done in here. 193 00:08:42,060 --> 00:08:47,070 -(sighing) Rob, we gotta talk, ski shredder to ski shredder. 194 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,170 My dad is not letting up on letting me teach stunts, 195 00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:53,230 so I need you to sign this executive order to change the class assignments. 196 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,070 If not for your employee, 197 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,110 do it for your number one fan. 198 00:08:59,050 --> 00:09:01,050 -My number one fan? 199 00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:03,100 -Yeah, big time! 200 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,130 I mean, I've always thought you were kick-ass. 201 00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:07,190 -Really? 202 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,150 Would you say you could write a book on me? 203 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,230 -Yeah! 204 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,090 -Congratulations! You're hired! 205 00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:20,110 -You are now the official autobiographer of Rob Riggle. 206 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:25,080 -Oh... literally write the book on you? -Yeah. 207 00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:28,150 And if you knock this thing out, 208 00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:31,130 I'll sign whatever you want. 209 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:36,020 -You have got yourself a deal. -(laughing) 210 00:09:36,030 --> 00:09:38,070 All right, Bing-Bong, get to typing. 211 00:09:38,090 --> 00:09:41,090 I'm gonna get some beef jerky. I'll be back in about five minutes. 212 00:09:41,100 --> 00:09:42,230 Why don't you have about 10 pages done? 213 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,000 -Uh... -Clackity-clack! Come on! 214 00:09:49,030 --> 00:09:51,130 -He misspelled "Riggle." 215 00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:52,140 -(upbeat rock music playing) 216 00:09:52,150 --> 00:09:55,040 -(Todd and Jeb laughing) -(zapping) 217 00:09:55,050 --> 00:09:56,090 Yes! 218 00:09:59,010 --> 00:10:00,180 -(Todd and Jeb laughing) -(zapping) 219 00:10:00,190 --> 00:10:01,180 -(grunting) 220 00:10:01,190 --> 00:10:05,100 -(Todd and Jeb laughing) -(zapping) 221 00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:08,220 I have to say, us Levitical Scientists would normally shun 222 00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:11,050 this kind of secular experimentation, 223 00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:14,110 but this really is quite exhilarating. 224 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,230 -Learning can be hella tight sometimes. 225 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,020 -(Todd grunting) 226 00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:21,040 -(Jeb laughing) -(zapping) 227 00:10:21,050 --> 00:10:22,140 -Jeb: Do you think anyone will notice 228 00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:24,080 we threw all the personal watercraft in there? 229 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,090 -Todd: Nah. 230 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,160 -So, you're an academy specializing in personal watercraft, 231 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,050 and yet, I don't see any personal watercraft. 232 00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:33,160 -Yeah, how many points off that gonna be? 233 00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:37,170 -A lot, but not as many as you would think. 234 00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:41,080 -I'm sure the fleet is around here somewhere. We should ask Gil. 235 00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:42,160 -Preggers: Yeah. Shit, yeah! 236 00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:44,130 I'll go run ahead and make sure he's not stoned... 237 00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:47,160 to the death by a bunch of Christians 238 00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:50,210 for being too good an example. Cool! 239 00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:57,180 -(music playing on cell phone) -(laughing) 240 00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:01,030 -So... -Oh. Wait. Wait. Wait. 241 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,100 -(music stops) 242 00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:03,210 -(tapping repeatedly) 243 00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,200 -Okay, you. 244 00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:09,140 -What was it like after the first "Ski Master" movie came out? Uh... 245 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,210 -Oh, my god! I don't know. 246 00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:14,140 We made a movie, and then life kicked ass, all right? 247 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:18,170 Chapter two. You need to beef this stuff up, Bam-Bam. That's your job. 248 00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:19,200 -It's Brit-Brit. 249 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,100 -Well, that's just as dumb. 250 00:11:21,110 --> 00:11:23,050 Listen, whatever. 251 00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:25,000 I gotta go. I'm Audi 5G. 252 00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:27,090 I've got a personal appearance over at Senor Dicks, 253 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,100 and they dock you a hundo if you're not... 254 00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:31,190 You know what? You don't need my life story. 255 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,200 So, I'm out. 256 00:11:36,060 --> 00:11:37,110 Who locked this? 257 00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:43,180 -I need more sources. 258 00:11:43,190 --> 00:11:46,030 -(engine cranking) 259 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,220 -Dirk: Okay, uh, Gil. 260 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:53,150 Ah, yes. Uh, this is our director of, uh, maintenance. 261 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:55,120 Uh, this is Gil. 262 00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,100 -Hi, Gil. 263 00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:57,200 -Hi. 264 00:11:57,210 --> 00:11:59,000 -What are you repairing? 265 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:00,090 -Oh, uh, this? -Commissioner: Yeah. 266 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,090 -Um, this isn't a repair. 267 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:07,000 I, uh, rigged an old personal watercraft and this washing machine, 268 00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:10,010 and together, they make my Erotica-ton. 269 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,230 My sex robot. What? 270 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,060 -(engine running) 271 00:12:16,070 --> 00:12:18,020 -(metal clanking) 272 00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:41,080 -Oh, uh, Gil, uh... Do you happen to know where our fleet has vanished to? 273 00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,050 -Uh, I have no idea. 274 00:12:43,060 --> 00:12:45,110 I'm banned from going near it, remember? 275 00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:47,070 Uh, because I killed someone. 276 00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:50,220 -Out of curiosity, how many points off is that gonna be? 277 00:12:50,230 --> 00:12:52,160 -It's gonna be a lot. 278 00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:56,140 -Todd and Jeb: (chanting) Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! 279 00:12:56,150 --> 00:13:00,120 Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! Reeds! 280 00:13:00,130 --> 00:13:02,140 -Hey, hey, hey! God damn it! Pull him back! 281 00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:03,200 -Whoa! 282 00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:05,100 -What did I say? What did I say? 283 00:13:05,110 --> 00:13:09,050 Did you guys take our entire personal watercraft fleet 284 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,170 and put them in those reeds? 285 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,000 -(screaming) 286 00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:13,040 Whoa! 287 00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,130 -Gil: Okay, grow up! 288 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:18,070 What is the big fascination with these? 289 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,130 They're just inter-dimensional reeds. That's is. Let's go. 290 00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:24,140 I don't have time for this. I have a date. 291 00:13:24,150 --> 00:13:28,080 -So, Lake and Ski Culture? Is this, like, a sociology class? 292 00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:30,060 -Yes, with a little chemistry mixed in. 293 00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,000 -Now, that is why it's important 294 00:13:32,010 --> 00:13:36,100 to always mix your grain alcohols with a Gatorade or something like that, okay, 295 00:13:36,110 --> 00:13:39,040 before you turn up at the lake. 296 00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:42,140 Now, if you show up, okay, and there are no open containers, 297 00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:46,050 do not bring a red cup. It isn't gonna work. They're looking for that shit. 298 00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:49,110 -I, for one, hate those men who police our public beaches 299 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,200 where all we common folk gather by the thousands 300 00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:55,200 to enjoy our lime-infused ale and act like animals. 301 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:59,030 -Preggers: Shit yeah, Chauncy! You are just a normal cadet. 302 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,190 Oh, well, well, well, look who decided to join us. 303 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,180 -'Sup? 304 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:06,080 -Pretty cool move rolling up late like that. 305 00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:07,180 Right that down, Chandler. 306 00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:08,190 Thank you. 307 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,170 All right, now, how do we deal with a ski-UI? 308 00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:16,130 Do any of you know how to blackmail any arresting officer? 309 00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:18,160 -Okay, I've had enough. This is ridiculous. 310 00:14:18,170 --> 00:14:21,050 What? Did Preggers just start teaching this class yesterday? 311 00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:23,100 -Um, a couple weeks ago, Carl. Step off. 312 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:26,090 -Okay, look a Big Gulp cup is good. 313 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:30,030 It's big. It's sturdy. You don't have to stop and waste money on a Gatorade. 314 00:14:31,070 --> 00:14:33,090 -God damn it, Carl. One of these. 315 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:36,140 Yeah! Shit, yeah! He's right. Write it down. 316 00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:39,160 -Commissioner, just so I know, how we doing? 317 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,170 -Well, from what I've seen, 318 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,130 I'm sorry, Dirk. 319 00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:50,020 You've failed the inspection. That was the rest of it. -Dirk and Preggers: Aw! 320 00:14:50,030 --> 00:14:52,010 -I thought you could tell from the context. 321 00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:58,030 -God damn it, Carl! You've gotta give us a second chance, okay? 322 00:14:58,040 --> 00:14:59,140 Now, I need this job. 323 00:14:59,150 --> 00:15:01,160 You don't want me on the loose. I'll tell you that. 324 00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:04,060 -Let it go, Preggers. This place is a disaster, 325 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:08,120 and it's proven itself to be a life-threatening risk to anyone that attends. 326 00:15:08,130 --> 00:15:10,040 This academy needs to be shut down. 327 00:15:10,050 --> 00:15:11,180 That's what's going in my report. 328 00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:14,070 -Oh-ho-ho! (laughing) 329 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,130 Look who got paid! 330 00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:18,110 I'm telling you what. You gotta get into the personal appearance game. 331 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:20,190 I just made bank. (laughing) 332 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,220 How's it going here? 333 00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:23,130 Good or great? 334 00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:25,160 -Well, we failed the review, so... 335 00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:27,140 -What? -We're screwed. 336 00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:31,130 -Well, hold on now. That review nonsense is only half of it. 337 00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,100 We could still pass the midterms, right? 338 00:15:33,110 --> 00:15:34,130 -Really? 339 00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:37,010 Do you think these geniuses are gonna pass the midterm? 340 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,210 -Oh, yeah! Look, no hands! 341 00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:40,180 -They might. 342 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:42,100 -(moaning) 343 00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:45,030 -Come with me, please. Pregs, you too. 344 00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:48,230 -Yeah, I'm right here. I am right behind you. 345 00:15:50,090 --> 00:15:52,020 -(drum line music playing) 346 00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:05,190 -You know, when I started this academy, 347 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:10,190 I did it to install the values that I received 348 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:15,070 while rocking hard on the waves my entire professional career. 349 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:19,060 Letting the water hit my face, looking sexy as shit. 350 00:16:19,070 --> 00:16:24,070 Some of those values I put out there every day. 351 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,090 Things like being kick-ass, 352 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,200 and no taking any shit from anyone, 353 00:16:29,210 --> 00:16:31,070 and, uh... 354 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,220 You know, doing unto others as they would blah, blah, blah, blah. 355 00:16:37,050 --> 00:16:39,120 But mainly, kicking ass 356 00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:41,190 and not taking shit from anyone. 357 00:16:42,150 --> 00:16:44,070 And I'll be damned... 358 00:16:45,190 --> 00:16:47,220 I will be damned 359 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,160 if I let something like "accreditation" 360 00:16:50,170 --> 00:16:54,140 or "wrongful death" bring us down. 361 00:16:56,070 --> 00:17:00,040 We're gonna teach these cadets real hard, 362 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,210 and they're gonna pass your precious midterms. 363 00:17:06,190 --> 00:17:08,200 -That is beautiful, Rob. 364 00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:10,040 -Yeah. 365 00:17:10,050 --> 00:17:14,170 So, I guess you won't be turning in that bad report, will you? 366 00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:16,060 -Oh, I most definitely am. 367 00:17:16,070 --> 00:17:19,200 -Oh, come on! What's it gonna take? Seriously? 368 00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:21,070 -What's going on over there? 369 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,070 -Oh, that' guy is gonna shut down the school because it's crazy and dangerous. 370 00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,190 -Riggle: I mean, the list is long, sir. 371 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,010 -Commissioner: Yeah? -Riggle: Yeah. 372 00:17:29,020 --> 00:17:31,050 -Jeb... -We know what to do. 373 00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:33,100 -Riggle: I'm talking about all eight "Ski Masters," all right? 374 00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:36,010 I will give you the Blu-ray DVD signed. 375 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,210 I'm talking singed DVDs. 376 00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:41,130 "Ski Master: Assignment Tampa," "Ski Master: Revengence." 377 00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,230 -Can't I just stream it? Who has a DVD player? 378 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,120 -I don't make any money if you stream it. 379 00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,150 -Yeah, that's true. 380 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,090 -Okay, my deal is on DVDs, see? So, I need to get a... 381 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:53,080 -Pardon me. I'm so sorry. King Riggle, we couldn't help but notice 382 00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:56,160 that the Lake Commissioner had not yet toured the reeds area. 383 00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,100 -Oh, yeah. I don't... 384 00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:01,110 I don't think that's necessary. Nah, we're good. 385 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:04,020 -Well, what is this reeds area that you're talking about? 386 00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:06,180 -Huh? What's that now? -No, nothing. 387 00:18:06,190 --> 00:18:08,130 Uh, you wouldn't be interested in it anyway. 388 00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:09,110 -Yeah. 389 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,020 -I mean, it's, uh, probably something that'd just get us in more trouble. 390 00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:13,000 -Okay. 391 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,100 -Well, maybe I am interested in it. 392 00:18:14,110 --> 00:18:16,150 Why don't we take a little walk down there? 393 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,070 -Well, if you insist. 394 00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:26,050 -Do you know about the reeds? -Oh, I know all about the reeds. 395 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:28,130 This is the last time the Lake Commissioner messes 396 00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:31,050 with Rob Riggle's Ski Master Academy. 397 00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,080 Here's the plan. 398 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,200 -(screaming) 399 00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:40,150 -(grunting) Yeah, that's right. That's what you get. 400 00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:42,060 -Trying to throw me in the reeds, 401 00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:43,200 you son of a bitch! -(groaning) 402 00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:48,030 -Yeah, I'm gonna file the shit out of that report. 403 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,090 Yeah, good luck on midterms, assholes. 404 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,060 -Riggle: All right. 405 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,110 -All right. 406 00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,180 -All in all, not a bad attempt. 407 00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:06,180 -Rob, I think it was maybe a bad idea to try to murder him. 408 00:19:06,190 --> 00:19:08,160 -Live and learn, people. Live and learn. 409 00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:11,140 We've been in worse jams than this before. 410 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,140 -Preggers: Okay. 411 00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:15,110 -You cadets are gonna have to study for those midterms. That's clear. 412 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,190 As far as our money problems go, 413 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,160 I got that on lock. 414 00:19:20,170 --> 00:19:23,010 Bam-Bam is writing my book right now. 415 00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:26,050 So, you pass the midterms, 416 00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:29,150 and that publicity bump we're gonna get from the greatest story ever told, 417 00:19:30,050 --> 00:19:31,220 no one will dare shut us down. 418 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,210 (groaning) -Preggers: Rob, you okay? 419 00:19:35,230 --> 00:19:37,110 Uh-oh. -(groans) 420 00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:40,100 Feed my fish. 421 00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:43,170 -Gil. 422 00:19:43,180 --> 00:19:45,150 -Oh, yeah. 423 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:49,050 -Hey, um, I was wondering if you'd do an interview for Rob's book. 424 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:50,100 -All right, what do you wanna know? 425 00:19:50,110 --> 00:19:53,120 -Oh, just any anecdotes you might have on him, 426 00:19:53,130 --> 00:19:57,110 or maybe you have some thoughts on how Riggle changed the ski stunt world. 427 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:00,190 -Not really. You know his whole "Ski Master" image is fake, right? 428 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,010 -You ever wonder why a weirdo with no clear job 429 00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:09,090 is living in this sweet house, rent-free? 430 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:12,110 Riggle can't get rid of me because I know the truth. 431 00:20:12,130 --> 00:20:13,180 Also, he's my best friend. 432 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:17,040 -And what is the truth? 433 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,170 -Your dad did all the big stunts for "Ski Masters", right? 434 00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:22,220 -Yeah, assembling a Jet Ski while skydiving 435 00:20:22,230 --> 00:20:24,100 in "Ski Master: Revengence," 436 00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:28,040 Jumping the Burj Khalifa in "Ski Master: To Ski or Not To Ski?" I mean... 437 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,070 -Right, but Dirk didn't just do the big stunts, kid. 438 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,010 -What do you mean? 439 00:20:33,020 --> 00:20:35,060 -He stood in for every single ski shot. 440 00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:38,000 Any time Riggle is on the water, it's Dirk. 441 00:20:38,010 --> 00:20:40,090 You know why? 442 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:44,070 Riggle doesn't know how to ride a Jet Ski, a Sea-Doo, WaveRunner, 443 00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,210 personal watercraft, or anything. 444 00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:52,060 He's made a whole career out of being the celebrity face of sweet-ass ski culture, 445 00:20:52,070 --> 00:20:53,150 but you get him out on the waves, 446 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,160 and he's gonna get himself killed. 447 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,060 He's a lying asshole, 448 00:20:57,070 --> 00:20:58,150 and he's my best friend. 449 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:03,000 -So, Riggle has just been conning everyone? 450 00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:04,210 -Yep, and it's the perfect crime. 451 00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:09,050 Because from a distance, he and Dirk look almost exactly alike. 452 00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,190 -That's true. 453 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,070 (sighs) 454 00:21:14,030 --> 00:21:17,030 Oh, my god! 455 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:20,150 Rob Riggle is full of shit. 456 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,180 -(dramatic music playing) 457 00:21:25,030 --> 00:21:26,190 -I trusted you! 458 00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:29,200 You son of a bitch! 459 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,060 (sighs) 460 00:21:35,110 --> 00:21:36,140 (exhales deeply) 461 00:21:36,150 --> 00:21:38,130 "Rob Riggle: 462 00:21:40,070 --> 00:21:42,000 "The True Story 463 00:21:42,210 --> 00:21:46,090 of an A-List Asshole." 464 00:21:47,030 --> 00:21:48,060 Hmm. 465 00:21:48,070 --> 00:21:52,040 -(dramatic music playing) 466 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,060 -(growling) 467 00:21:55,070 --> 00:21:57,010 -Man: Right on time. 468 00:22:00,060 --> 00:22:02,060 Captioned by Point.360 35190

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.