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1
00:00:09,877 --> 00:00:13,681
* Sometimes
the world looks perfect
2
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,384
* Nothing to rearrange
3
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,387
* Sometimes you just
get a feeling
4
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:23,657
* Like you need
some kind of change
5
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,860
* No matter what the odds
are this time
6
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:29,530
* Nothing's gonna
stand in my way
7
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:32,866
* This flame in my heart
like a long lost friend
8
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:37,338
* Gives every dark street
a light at the end
9
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,275
* Standing tall
10
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,712
* On the wings of my dream
11
00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:47,881
* Rise and fall
12
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:51,819
* On the wings of my dream
13
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,354
* The rain and thunder
14
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:54,988
* The wind and haze
15
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:58,359
* I'm bound for better days
16
00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:02,029
* It's my life and my dream
17
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,632
* Nothing's gonna
stop me now *
18
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:29,590
Dmitri, I know
you don't like baths
19
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:32,226
but if you insist on crawling
behind the refrigerator
20
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,827
I have no choice.
21
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,464
Balki!
22
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,502
All our dreams are
about to come true.
23
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:47,541
Suzanne Somers is coming
back to prime time?
24
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,045
No. No, Balki,
that's your dream.
25
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,216
What I mean is we
are going to be rich!
26
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,618
Cousin, I'd
love to be rich
27
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,053
but don't that
require money?
28
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,357
No. No. You don't understand.
We are going to be rich!
29
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,327
But first, we are
going to buy a house.
30
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,196
I'd love to buy a house.
31
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,565
But again, don't we have
that same pesky money problem?
32
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:17,705
No. No. We don't.
33
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:20,374
It shows you how to buy
a house for no money down.
34
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:23,511
It was brilliant.
Now, I have a plan.
35
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,678
Oh, God.
36
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,449
A plan that is going
to make us both rich
37
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:31,219
beyond our wildest dreams.
38
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,287
Cousin, I've been
keeping some notes
39
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,489
on plans you've
had over the years.
40
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:37,791
(THUDS)
41
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,199
Seven of your plans
have cost me money.
42
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:47,335
Thirteen of your plans
43
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,770
have cost me
pride and dignity.
44
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:54,575
And three of them eventually
required an ointment.
45
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,383
Okay, fine.
46
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:05,152
If you don't want
to dare to make a fortune
47
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,254
I guess that's up to you.
48
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,355
Well, thank you for letting me
49
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,290
off the hook so easily.
50
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,626
If you want to reject
a basic principle
51
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:16,330
of the American way of life,
I guess you can do that.
52
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,903
Because this is really
eating up my day.
53
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,574
Alright, partner.
54
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,209
Now, here's the plan.
We buy a house.
55
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:30,744
We get the owner
to carry back paper.
56
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,481
We don't need money because
the seller takes a second
57
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,683
reimburses the buyer
for the amount of the down.
58
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,285
You understand?
59
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:41,455
Everything except the part that
came after, "Alright, partner."
60
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,527
After we buy
a house for no money
61
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:47,995
we fix it up a little
and then we sell it.
62
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,364
We use the profits
to buy a better house.
63
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,033
And then we
sell that house
64
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:57,338
So what do you say, Balki?
Shall we dare to make a fortune?
65
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,609
Well... why not?
66
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,411
Today I, I went
to the park
67
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,813
and some kid dared
me to eat a bug.
68
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,383
I got through that.
69
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,955
(COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PASSAGE PLAYS)
70
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,398
"White."
71
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,899
"Eggshell."
72
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,537
"Cream."
73
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,505
They're peg 'n' groove."
74
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,507
Balki?
Yeah.
75
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:35,609
What do you
think of cream?
76
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,513
Oh, the greatest center
in the history of basketball.
77
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:48,756
Not Kareem. Cream.
Cream. C-R-E-A-M.
78
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,223
Oh, Cream.
79
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,291
(CHUCKLES)
80
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,860
I feel like an idiot.
81
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:57,965
I think, uh, Cream was
one of the best groups
82
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,033
in the history
of rock 'n roll.
83
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,904
(IMITATING GUITAR SOUNDS)
84
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,941
Girls, what
do you think?
85
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:12,312
Guys, I'm impressed.
This house is beautiful.
86
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,448
Yeah, and it's so big.
87
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:15,983
Tell me something
I do know.
88
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,852
This house is as nice as
the palace of the King of Mypos.
89
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,822
Only, instead of a stairway
coming down from the bedroom
90
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,358
his serene highness
has a water slide.
91
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,428
Cousin, I was wondering--
No.
92
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:28,762
Uh, I...
93
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,197
Couldn't we put
in a water slide?
94
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:31,965
No. No major remodeling.
95
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,435
We're just gonna clean the place
up, slap on a new coat of paint
96
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:35,836
turn it over
for a quick profit
97
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,871
and we move on
to our next house.
98
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:38,872
That sounds great.
99
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,708
Who are you gonna
hire to do the work?
100
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,510
Well, we're gonna
do it ourselves.
101
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:45,679
Oh.
102
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:51,852
Ladies, I'm picking up
a little doubt here.
103
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:57,324
We don't need any
professional help.
104
00:05:57,391 --> 00:06:01,161
Well, you're right.
105
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,430
Wanna bet?
106
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,901
Uh, Mary Anne, come on.
Uh, we're gonna miss
our flight.
107
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:09,937
Bye-bye.
108
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,844
You're sweeping me
off my feet again.
109
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,914
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
110
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,957
(SIGHS)
Okay, let's
get to work.
111
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:33,561
Okay.
112
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,429
Maybe we should have
hired professional help.
113
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,864
Oh, nonsense.
114
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:41,234
A professional
would cost us money
115
00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,036
All right, let's get started.
116
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,908
Oh, uh, Balki, wanna
grab that drop cloth?
117
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,076
Oh, sure.
118
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,746
I'll tell you what,
you set up the ladder
119
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,782
and, uh, I'll
get the brushes.
120
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,617
Okay.
All right.
121
00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:58,986
Oh, cousin?
122
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,454
Ooh.
123
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,861
A ladder is not a toy.
124
00:07:08,996 --> 00:07:11,398
Cousin, you're
absolutely right.
125
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:12,900
Thank you.
126
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:14,835
(THUDS)
127
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:20,941
(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
128
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,246
* Spritz spritz spritz
rub rub rub
129
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,048
* And a couple of tra-la-las
130
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,150
* That's how we
shine the banister
131
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,553
* In this merry
old house of ours *
132
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,990
Balki, a car
just pulled up.
133
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,593
We are going to have
this house sold by lunch.
134
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:40,728
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
135
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,563
Uh, we saw
the sign out front.
136
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,097
Oh, yeah? Come in.
Come on in.
137
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,198
Uh, take a look around.
138
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,434
I'm Elliot.
This is my wife, Hope.
139
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,169
Oh, hi.
140
00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,672
I'm Larry. This is
my cousin, Balki.
141
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:52,973
How much are you
asking for the house?
142
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,008
A hundred and fifty
thousand dollars.
143
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,978
Unless you went to the
"Dare To Make A Fortune" seminar
144
00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:00,814
in which case you know how
to get the house for free.
145
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,786
Forgive him. He's from
an Eastern Bloc country.
146
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,156
They're all in
a state of confusion.
147
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,194
Thanks. Honey?
148
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,803
What is the matter
with you?
149
00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,105
They are going
to buy this house.
150
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:28,709
we could be on our way
to being filthy rich.
151
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:31,645
You know, this house
is exactly like the one
152
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:35,115
we saw down the street.
153
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:38,586
You mean, the one they built
on top of the old cemetery?
154
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:42,122
Uh... would you excuse
us for a minute, please?
155
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,227
Honey, the only difference
is the other house
156
00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:50,564
has new doors and a fancy
chandelier in the entry.
157
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,700
And they're asking
$20,000 more
158
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,635
than these guys
want for this place.
159
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,908
I think we should
snap this place up
160
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,743
before somebody
else buys it.
161
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,079
Let's do it.
162
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:11,351
Okay, we'll
take the house.
163
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:13,286
Cousin, we sold the house!
164
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,856
Now we are so happy
we do the Dance of Joy!
165
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:18,358
* Dai dai dai dai... *
166
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,060
Cousin...
167
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:22,630
...mama told me never
to do the Dance of Joy alone
168
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,264
or I would go blind.
169
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,005
I'm sorry.
The house is not for sale.
170
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,841
But, but you
just said it was.
171
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,442
Cousin, uh, he's right.
172
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,844
I, I was right here.
I heard you.
173
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,111
I know, uh, but, uh,
174
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,980
well, I was born
in this house...
175
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:43,116
...and so were my parents
and all my close friends.
176
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,754
Uh, the memories
just came rushing back
177
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,856
and, well, it's
just not for sale.
178
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,691
I'm sorry. But I hope
you find something else--
179
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,392
I really
like this house.
180
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,828
Maybe in the neighborhood.
I'd like to buy this house--
181
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:56,096
I'm sorry.
Take care.
182
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,364
Very nice to meet you.
183
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:03,003
Cousin, I thought you were
born in Madison, Wisconsin.
184
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:08,108
And they moved this house
all the way from Wisconsin?
185
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,610
Yes.
186
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,114
Balki, didn't you hear
what those people said?
187
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,883
If we put in some new
doors, some fixtures
188
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:20,487
and a chandelier,
189
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,089
Wait a minute.
190
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,124
You weren't born
in this house.
191
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:27,627
I bet not even half your
friends were born in this house.
192
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,965
Yes! I want
to make more money.
193
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:34,634
And if we do
a little remodeling
194
00:10:34,702 --> 00:10:36,904
Balki, I have a plan.
195
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:43,811
We are going to dare
to make an even bigger fortune.
196
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:46,747
And me with no ointment.
197
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:50,951
(COMICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PASSAGE PLAYS)
198
00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,293
Well, Balki, we're
in the home stretch.
199
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,462
All we have to do
is hang this chandelier
200
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:05,332
then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
201
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,835
Cousin, you're turning
me into a believer.
202
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,770
The house looks great
and you got a good deal
203
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,304
on this chandelier.
204
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,940
Yeah, great chandelier.
205
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,808
You know, life is funny.
206
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,443
The Driskill Hotel
is condemned...
207
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,678
...hundreds of people
lose their jobs...
208
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:20,881
...bad for them,
good for us.
209
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,018
Come on, let's hoist
this baby into place.
210
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,124
All right, ready?
Yeah.
211
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,359
Pull.
212
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:35,062
(GRUNTING)
213
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,371
Are we there yet?
No.
214
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,406
It's not working.
215
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:49,242
Balki, we're using too much
brawn, not enough brains.
216
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,812
What we need
is more leverage.
217
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,781
Balki, follow me.
218
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,331
Grab on to the rope.
219
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,867
(SPITS)
220
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,738
You ready?
Yeah.
221
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,116
There we go.
222
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,953
Balki, a couple more
jumps off the stairs
223
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:35,488
and we'll have
this baby in place.
224
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,159
Cousin!
225
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,093
Cousin!
226
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,964
You hear that?
What?
227
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:46,599
Huh? Whoa! Balki!
228
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:48,268
Balki! Balki!
229
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,512
Sorry, cousin.
230
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:07,087
Well, Balki, we're
in the home stretch.
231
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,689
All we have to do is finish
putting in these light bulbs
232
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,725
then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
233
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,494
Well, cousin, if we do...
234
00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:17,097
we'll have to start
a new category
for your plans.
235
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:20,100
Yeah? What's that?
Plans that work.
236
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,735
Whoop! Whoa!
237
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,371
Careful.
Sorry.
238
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,508
Let's just finish putting
in these light bulbs.
239
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:33,613
Ah!
240
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,448
Ah! Balki!
241
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,784
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder!
242
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,120
Get the ladder! Whoo...
243
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,555
Get the ladder!
Get the ladder, Balki!
244
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,357
Oh! Oh!
245
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:55,402
(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYING)
246
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:06,313
Well, cousin, we're
in the home stretch.
247
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,817
All we have to do is find
a way to get down from here
248
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,821
and then we can sell this baby
and move on to our next house.
249
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:17,257
I don't suppose you
went to a seminar on
250
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,526
how to get out
of a light fixture?
251
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:27,134
(TINKLING)
252
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,402
Come on, Balki, we
can get through this.
253
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,304
It's not like
we're the first guys
254
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,406
to get stuck
in a chandelier.
255
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,345
Cousin, let's be honest.
Jennifer was right.
256
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,313
We should have
hired professional help.
257
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,450
I mean, cleaning
and painting were easy
258
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,319
but now we're in
over our heads.
259
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:50,023
In fact, I think we're in
over most people's heads.
260
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,494
(GASPS)
261
00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:00,433
Well, who had time
to hire professional help?
262
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,237
We're racing
against the clock.
263
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,006
Wait a minute,
why are we in such a hurry?
264
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,807
I was hoping to join
the neighborhood watch
265
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:10,077
and take a bite
out of crime.
266
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,847
Balki... there is
part of the plan
267
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,416
I didn't tell you about.
268
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,287
Nothing good can
follow that sentence.
269
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:28,061
but in ten days...
our house payment is due.
270
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:30,297
Uh-huh.
271
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,000
Just out of curiosity,
272
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,068
how much would that
house payment be?
273
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,970
A hundred and forty
thousand dollars.
274
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:43,876
A hundred and forty
thousand dollars?
275
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,713
I got a 30-day loan.
I thought that's
all we needed.
276
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,315
Who knew?
277
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,019
Yoo-hoo.
278
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,060
Larry?
279
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:02,029
Balki, are you here?
280
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,564
Yes.
We're up here.
281
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,375
Hi, guys.
The house looks great.
282
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,212
You should see
it from up here.
283
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:21,981
This a bad time?
284
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:25,618
No, no, no.
285
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:27,687
We're just,
uh, finishing up.
286
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:31,591
(STAMMERING) Could you just
slide that ladder over here?
287
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,964
Okay, I owe you 20 bucks.
288
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:42,569
(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL
MUSIC PLAYS)
289
00:16:42,635 --> 00:16:44,971
LARRY:
If you don't like the color,
well, we can repaint.
290
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,439
I wanted
to go with cream.
291
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:49,176
I thought it would
look really nice in here...
292
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,214
Looky-loos.
293
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:02,155
Our house payment is due.
294
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,424
we'll be ruined.
295
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:07,394
Well, cousin, I...
I agree we're in debt
296
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:11,831
up to our chandelier,
but... I figured it out.
297
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,666
If we sell
everything we own
298
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:18,438
we'll only
be short $132,000.
299
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,808
(CRYING)
300
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,413
Cousin, I can see nothing's
going to cheer you up.
301
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,615
(CRYING)
I don't wanna...
302
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,121
Are you the owners?
303
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:39,726
I know.
304
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:44,564
Thanks for stopping by.
305
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,433
You are?
We're the Hendersons.
306
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:48,735
I'm Skitch and this
is my wife, Florence.
307
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,474
Hello.
Well, you're just in time.
308
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,509
My associate and I
were just considering
309
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,711
which offer on
the house to accept.
310
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,614
We were?
Oh.
311
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,317
You've had a lot of offers?
Yes.
312
00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:06,719
We have?
313
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:09,589
Yes, uh, but we can
always consider another one.
314
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:11,958
Don't you agree,
Balki? Balki? Balki?
315
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,293
(THWACKS)
316
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:20,500
it might help us to decide
which offer to accept.
317
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,436
Well, how much
are you asking?
318
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:25,238
A hundred and seventy
thousand dollars.
319
00:18:25,305 --> 00:18:28,074
$120.
$120!
320
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:30,109
Ow.
321
00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,111
You know, in some
parts of the world
322
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:35,182
an offer that low would
be considered an insult.
323
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,317
And my associate would
have to beat himself
324
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:38,718
with a leather strap.
325
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:48,060
I would like to point out
that the chandelier alone
326
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:52,299
is worth $10,000.
327
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:55,268
You won't find another
one like it anywhere.
328
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,737
Unless another
hotel goes belly up.
329
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,773
All right, $140,000.
330
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,478
Ah! Ah! Ah!
I know. I know, Balki.
331
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,714
I'm a little shocked
at their offer myself.
332
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:10,783
$140,000.
333
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,752
Mr. Henderson,
you can't expect me
334
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:16,189
to seriously consider
an offer that low.
335
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:18,991
(TINKLING)
336
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,693
Cousin. Cousin. Cousin.
337
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,229
He'll come up.
338
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,338
(RATTLES)
339
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,472
Cousin. Cousin.
340
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,341
No, Balki.
I'm not coming down.
341
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,876
It's not your coming
down that's worrying me.
342
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,647
Could you, could you
excuse us?
343
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,584
Cousin, the chandelier
is falling.
344
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:46,052
(RATTLES)
345
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:48,421
Oh, my Lord!
346
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,724
We got to close
this deal fast.
347
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:55,262
No, no, no, cousin.
348
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:56,663
Balki, if we sell
the house, I promise
349
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,665
I'll hire a professional
to fix the chandelier.
350
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,166
You promise?
I promise.
351
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,836
Okay.
352
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,273
Why don't we walk out to my
car and sign the papers?
353
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,974
Why don't we run
out to your car?
354
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,310
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
I've lost my contact lens.
355
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:11,844
Oh, no, no, no.
356
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,716
There's a free set of contact
lenses come with the house.
357
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,618
But I'd like my
contact lens, please--
358
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,887
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
359
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,523
We'll-we'll do it together.
Um, we...
360
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,427
Ready?
361
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:29,996
Yeah.
362
00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,837
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
363
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,009
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I got it! I got it!
364
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,647
Thank you very much.
365
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,949
No trouble.
Is something wrong?
366
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,985
No! No, no, everything is fine.
And congratulations.
367
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:57,457
You just bought yourself
a house for a $140,000.
368
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:01,761
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
369
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:06,032
(CLANKING)
370
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,642
Okay, $135,000.
371
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:20,380
(SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYING)
372
00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:28,788
Well, cousin,
I figured it out.
373
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:33,426
Daring to make a fortune
only cost us $42.
374
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,063
A month.
375
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,734
For the rest of our lives.
376
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,539
I'm sorry, Balki.
377
00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:50,677
I guess I just let my greed
hormones run wild again.
378
00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:55,915
(SIGHS)
379
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,917
But no.
380
00:21:57,984 --> 00:22:01,354
It wasn't enough
for Larry Appleton.
381
00:22:01,421 --> 00:22:04,424
(IMITATING LARRY)
No, it wasn't.
382
00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:07,093
I wanted more.
Yes, you did.
383
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:11,030
Well, I learned my lesson.
Oh, I doubt that.
384
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,266
No, Balki, I did.
385
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,669
In fact, next week
I'm taking a seminar
386
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,305
"How To Profit
From Your Mistakes."
387
00:22:19,372 --> 00:22:21,974
Well, cousin,
if there is a profit
388
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:24,043
to be made from mistakes...
389
00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:25,945
you're gonna be a rich man.
27468
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