All language subtitles for Perfect.Strangers.S05E19.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Sometimes
the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Get a feeling like you need

Some kind of change

Nothing's going
to stand in my way

This flame in my heart

Like a long-lost friend

Gives every dark street

A light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

Through the rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life

And my dream

And nothing's
gonna stop me now

Who can take a mailbag

Mailbag mailbag

Dump it on his desk
Dump it on his desk

Stamp each letter twice

Before he has to take a rest

The Balki man

Oh the Balki man can

The Balki man can

To make the stamp stay on

Bartokomous,
where is Mr. Glover's mail?

for the new executive
vice president

was delivered first thing
this morning by sincerely yours.

Oh! Darn it.

I wanted to deliver
Mr. Glover's mail myself.

Never mind.
I'll send him a gift.

Oh, he'll like that.

Something classy.

I wonder
if "Bambi" is available.

I'm sure it is.

I returned my copy this morning.

It's kind of fun
watching Gorpley grovel.

Well, I think
we've all been a little nervous

ever since Mr. Wainwright
gave Glover carte blanche

to reorganize the newspaper.

Question, cousin.

when more businesses worldwide
accept Visa and MasterCard?

No, Balki, carte blanche means

Glover can make
any changes he wants to.

And that includes
hiring and firing.

Well, at least I can rest easy.

you don't have to
worry about your job.

(CHUCKLING)

Well, I got rid of some
of the dead wood

in advertising, Mr. Wainwright.

That's, that's him.
That's Mr. Glover.

And there's
a bright young reporter

in the financial department,
Craig Howard,

who should have
his own column, if that's
all right with you, sir.

Whatever you think's
best, Glover.

If you can do
for us what you did

You can count on it,
Mr. Wainwright.

Have a nice trip,
Mr. Wainwright.

Thank you, Appleton.

Appleton.

Appleton?

Oh, so you wrote the article

on corruption
in the sanitation department?

Good job.

Oh, uh, Mr. Wainwright.

be sure and tell him
Lydia Markham says hello.

Oh, so you are Lydia Markham.

I wanted to talk to you
about your readers.

Oh, why yes.

There are a lot of them,
aren't there?

Yes. But unfortunately,
they're all over 40.

We're trying to appeal
to a younger crowd now, Lydia,

and you're not helping.
Be in my office at 2:00.

Miss Lydia, are you okay?

You want, you want to sit down?

If I don't start
writing about pimples,

petting and puberty,
I'm history!

Cousin, Miss Lydia
seemed really upset.

Yeah, upset, too bad.

Balki, this could be it.

I know Craig Howard
in financial,

I'm twice the writer he is.

And he is getting
his own column!

Maybe you'll get two columns!

Balki, the point is,
if Glover's moved him up

I can't be far behind.

Oh good.
I'm glad you're still here.

I wanted to talk to you
about a promotion.

I've created a new department
here called Editorial Services

and I think
the most qualified person

to head up
that department is you.

Thank you, sir.
Not you.

I was talking to him.

Congratulations, Bartokomous.

You're an executive.

You! You're fired.

But why did Mr. Grover
give you such a big office?

Because he had to,
it's the only
place they could fit

my giant,
humongous desk.

Have you seen
his desk, Larry?

No, I was busy
working all day

at my little desk
in the...

In the giant,
humongous basement.

Tell me about
the chair again, Balki.

Well, it's a rolling chair.

And it's just like
Cousin Larry's

only it has all its wheels.

And it's covered with leather.

Before we get into fabrics,

uh, does anybody
want some more coffee?

Well, I'll make some anyway
'cause I wanna be alert

when we discuss
the carpeting.

Oh, the carpeting!

and did I mention
it's Wear-Dated?

Larry, is Balki's
promotion bothering you?

I mean this morning
he was working in the mail room.

And this afternoon
he's got a huge office

on the executive floor.

Well, maybe you're a little
jealous of Balki.

Oh, Jennifer, please.

Please.

I mean, do you think
I'd be jealous of Balki,

just because
he has his own office?

Deep pile carpeting
and a huge desk...

Larry, I just felt
that there was...

So he can sit
in his Corinthian leather chair

and enjoy the sunset?

Yes.

Okay, you're right.

But I'm not gonna let
any petty jealousy

stop me from being happy
for my best friend.

You know, I think
powerful men are very sexy.

You do?

I do.

Balki, buddy.

I just want you to know

that no one is happier
for you than I am.

Oh, thank you, cousin.
I mean,

you're a very hard worker,

Oh, cousin, thank you.

Listen, I know
I don't need to say this.

But I want you to know
that my new executive lifestyle

is not going to change
our friendship in any way.

I know that.

And to celebrate
your promotion

I'd like to take you
to lunch tomorrow.

Tomorrow's no good for me.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

WOMAN: There's a Mr. Appleton
here to see you.

BALKI:
Cousin Larry!

Well, my pleasure.

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Interesting outfit.
Oh, thank you.

I'm trying to dress for excess.

Well, you're succeeding.

Well, Balki,
this place is incredible.

Oh, thank you, cousin.

They are so generous.

I'm conducting an experiment

to see how fast I can boil water

and then freeze it.

My personal best is 18 minutes.

is right around the corner.

And, cousin, as if all of this
weren't enough, look at this.

They gave me

my very own

salad maker!

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

Balki, that's a paper shredder.

A paper salad?

Interesting concept.

Well, it sounds tasty.

Mr. Glover assigned me to
interview you for the newspaper.

Get out of the city!
No, I'm serious.

He wants me to trace
what he calls

your meteoric rise
from the mail room

to head of Editorial Services.

Well, why don't
we step on over here?

To what I like to call

my "Sitting down
and talking area."

And get up close and personal.

Great.

does on a typical day?

Oh! Oh...

So many things.

I just... I don't know
where to begin.

I'm as busy as a mosquito
in a nudist colony.

I'll go read you from my book.

"One o'clock,
get my picture taken.

"Three o'clock,

"get my picture taken."

Balki, is that all you do?

Get your picture taken?

Well, of course not.

Don't be ridiculous.

But we better
wrap this up quick,

because at 4 o'clock
I've got to...

Get my picture taken.
Get your picture taken.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Mr. Bartokomous.
Mr. Glover!

Uh, Mr. Bartokomous,
some members

of the Chamber of Commerce
are outside.

Would you mind
having your picture taken?

Does Miss Mypos
have a moustache?

I'll be right back.

Mr. Glover,

I'm having a little trouble
with this assignment.

Uh, maybe you can clear
some things up for me.

What exactly does the head
of Editorial Services do?

Well, he's a...

Liaison between editorial
operations and management

providing a vital source
of input to reduce friction

and enhance efficiency.

And how precisely
does Balki do that?

Well, in a variety of ways

by networking
within the infrastructure

and interfacing
with the private sector.

I'm sorry, Mr. Glover

for somebody
who's got no job at all.

Okay, Appleton, okay.

Let me clear
something up for you.

Have you ever heard
of a government program

called American Dream?

Well, sure, It's a training
program for immigrants.

Helps them acquire
the skills necessary

to advance
in the business community.

Mmm, that's the one.

Well, I promoted Bartokomous

as a part of that program.

As far as I can tell,
you're not training
Balki to do anything.

(CHUCKLING)
It's a waste of time.

No, it's much easier
to have you write an article

that makes it look like
I trained him.

Well, Mr. Glover,
what you're doing

is tokenism.

Well, okay.

If you, if you can't write it

well, uh, I can find,
someone else who can

while you look for another job.

Think about it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Jennifer, it's just not right.

What Glover has done
is take a valuable program

that helps people
who could use a break

and turned it into
a meaningless showcase.

Larry, you have to tell
Balki what's happening.

Well, I've tried to
everyday this week

but he's so happy.

I'd just hate to
burst his bubble.

Well, maybe he's not as happy
as you think he is.

I am the happiest Mypiot

Then again, what do I know?

Jennifer. Jennifer,

we don't see enough
of each other any more.

Have your people
call my people

and we'll do lunch?

I'll do that.

Bye.
Bye.

Well, Balki,

Oh, come on, cousin. Get real.

I'm living
the life of Pat Riley!

How could I not be happy?

I mean, how could
I not be happy?

I guess you got everything.

(SOBBING) So how could I
not be happy?

Balki.

No, I'm not.

Well, why not?

I don't know.

I know I should be.

I know I've got everything
a Mypiot could wish for,

(WHINES)
but something's missing.

What?

(GASPING)

(WHINES)
Something's missing.

What?

(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Something's missing.

Oh, something's missing.

Well, yes, Balki.

What's missing is a real job.

But I have a real job.
I'm head of Editorial Services.

And what exactly does the head
of Editorial Services do?

I don't know.

Every time I ask
Mr. Glover what my job is

I get my picture taken.

I'm beginning to feel

Well, Balki, I'm afraid
that's exactly what you are.

I am?

Oh, cousin, I hope they
don't have a Swimsuit Issue.

No, Balki, what I mean is,
Glover has created this job

so it'll look like
the Chronicle is complying

with a government program
that helps immigrants.

But there really
is no job at all.

It's a fake, a sham,
and you're just a...

A puppet
in Glover's sleazy scheme.

Oh, cousin,
that is the best news

I've heard since they
brought back The Munsters.

It is?
Yes.

I thought that everyone knew
what my job was, but me.

Now, I can quit
this sleazy puppet show

and go back to the mail room.

No, Balki, Balki.

If you do that,
Glover will just replace you

with somebody else.

But that
won't solve the problem.

No, it won't.

What we have to do is find
a way to get rid of Glover

so the program will work
the way it's supposed to.

How we do that?

Well, I think if we give
Glover enough rope,

he just might hang himself.

I'd prefer nonviolence.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Appleton, I've just
gotten off the plane.

I've got jet lagged,
and I've eaten airline food.

What is so important
that I come here

before I go to my office?

in some of the changes
Mr. Glover has made.

So, I'd like you to meet the new
head of Editorial Services.

Fine, have him call me.
We'll have lunch.

Mr. Wainwright,
it's me, Balki Bartokomous.

You?

Well, I'm sure Glover
knows what he's doing.

He knows what he's doing.

Mr. Glover's on his way up.

Okay.
Mr. Wainwright.

There's no time to explain,

And you're the only person
with the power to stop him.

So, we were wondering
if you'd mind very much

hiding under the desk?

What?

Well, I know it's a strange
request but it's the only way

we can prove
our case against Glover.

You want me
to get under the desk?

Yes, sir.

If I'm wrong, you can fire me.

That's a given.

Mr. Glover's here.
Okay, okay.

I don't believe I'm doing this.

Appleton!

This is not the article
I told you to write.

Now, you do it over,
and you do it my way.

about the way
you're implementing

the American Dream program.

And I merely pointed out
that Balki isn't getting

the real opportunities that
the program is designed to give.

Oh, well, why don't we ask
Balki about that?

Are you unhappy
in your new position here?

Well, I'm not one to complain

but all I do
is get my picture taken.

I'm starting to get
flashbulb burn.

Mr. Glover, doesn't
the program have something

to do with
training immigrants?

Oh, sure. Sure.
I could train him.

But then he'd go to lunch

Forgive me, Mr. Glover.

I'm just a poor,
ignorant immigrant.

English is not
my mother's tongue.

But, are you saying

you never had any intention

of giving me anything to do?

No. You're doing
something, Bartokomous.

You're taking a job away
from a real American

who deserves it.

Oh, I see. So you're saying

that if a person
is not born here

then he has no right
to work here.

No, no, no, no,
you foreigners can work here

but the good jobs
should go to real Americans.

Now, am I talking
too fast for you?

Mr. Glover, you may
have been born in America

but you're not much
of an American.

to know the meaning of the word.

Oh, really?

You're fired!

Uh, Mr. Wainwright.
How, how was your trip, sir?

Save it, Glover.
Clean out your desk.

Clean out my desk?

I'm doing a great job here.

Your costs are down.

Your circulation is up.

There are more
important things

than lower cost
and higher circulation.

I'm not firing you
because you're doing a bad job.

I'm firing you
because you're a bigot

and there's no room
in the Chronicle for bigots.

Mr. Glover, I know you're not
wild about government programs

but you might want
to look into Unemployment.

Goodbye, Mr. Glover.

Mr. Glover.

On your way out you can have
Maria validate your parking.

That was a gutsy
thing you two did.

Well, we know our way around
guts, Mr. Wainwright.

I don't know if you've ever
made sausage from scratch--

Balki, Balki.
You have to get right up--

Balki, Balki, Mr. Wainwright
is saying we're brave.

And I still want you
to be part of the American
Dream program, Balki.

Does that mean
I have to stay in this job?

Not at all. I'm sending
you back to the mail room
for time being.

But, Appleton, I want you
to take Bartokomous

under your wing and train him.

My pleasure, sir.

Thank you, Mr. Wainwright.

Keep up the good work, boys.

Balki, did you hear that?

You are gonna get a chance
to become a real reporter!

Cousin, now we are so happy,
we do the Dance of Joy!

Dai dai dai dai

Da-dai dai dai dai dai

Hey hey hey hey

Hey hey hey

(THEME SONG PLAYING)