Original subtitles

♪ Sometimes the world Looks perfect

♪ Sometimes you just Get a feeling

♪ Like you need Some kind of change

♪ No matter what The odds are this time

♪ Nothing's gonna stand In my way

♪ This flame in my heart Like a long-lost friend

♪ Gives every dark street A light at the end

♪ Standing tall

♪ On the wings of my dream

♪ Rise and fall

♪ On the wings of my dream

♪ The rain and thunder

♪ It's my life and my dream

♪ Nothing's gonna stop me now ♪

You are not going to believe

the vacation I've planned for us.

And it's well within our budget.

Wait here. I'll get the brochure.

You are going to love it!

We're not going. Why not?

When Larry comes back, you're just gonna have

to tell him we're not going.

Where is it we're not going?

It doesn't matter, if Larry planned it,

we're not going.

Now, ladies, listen to me.

I know that in the past, Cousin Larry's trips

have proved a little life-threatening

but this time, things are going to be different.

Now, I took a peek at the travel brochure

and just between you and me

I think I can safely say that this time,

everything's coming up noses.

Balki, I still haven't gotten my luggage back

from our last trip.

Come on, now. Come on.

Cousin Larry wants more than anything

for you to have a good time.

He's trying to make up for his past mistakes.

Balki, we know his intentions are good

but that's when he's the most dangerous.

Well, maybe we should give Larry another chance.

I mean, after all,

Well, my tetanus shot is up to date, so...

Why not? Great.

Now, everything is set.

We are going to paradise.

Well, if we all follow the golden rule,

I don't know why not.

We are going to Club Paradise.

It's a small resort island

tucked away in the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico.

Great. We'll go. LARRY: Now, just hear me out.

Because, it's got sunshine, beaches...

Sounds wonderful.

but just give it a chance.

It's got great shopping...

Cousin. Cousin... LARRY: great food.

Entertainment. What? BALKI: Cousin.

I think they're saying yes.

They are?

Well, that's great!

I told you there'd be no problem.

Well, here we are, Mr. Appleton.

Hope you enjoy yourselves.

Someone will be right with you.

Well, didn't I tell you this was a great vacation package?

With free transportation from the airport.

I don't believe this place.

I don't believe it, either.

This is nicer than The Howell's Hut

in Gilligan's Island.

Now, come on.

It's island. It's native.

It's falling apart.

I love this place.

The whole sense of decayed elegance.

Fabulous.

Jennifer, it's got character.

Besides, we'll be spending most of our time on the beach anyhow.

Come on, let's check in.

Oh, Cousin! Cousin!

Can I, can I? Can I...

Ring the bell?

Okay, you ring the bell.

I'm having fun already.

Well, hi there. Welcome to Club Paradise.

I'm Mac MacIntyre, and you are?

Appleton. Larry Appleton.

Well, we're delighted to have you.

I'll just get someone to help you with your bags.

Front!

Just follow me.

They shot Papillon here, you know.

Well, here are your keys.

a wonderful weekend in paradise.

Mi casa es su casa.

Well, thanks, Mac.

go into town, and shop till we drop?

Okay, we'll change and meet you in the lobby.

BOTH: Bye-bye.

BOTH: Bye-bye.

Interesting wallpaper.

Boy, these walls are thin.

It sounds like Mary Anne

Boy, these walls really are thin.

I can see through them.

I wonder if they can see us.

No, they can't.

Balki... Aah!

What are you doing in our room?

Well, we're not in your room.

This is our room, I think.

No.

Well, let's see.

LARRY: We're in 101. You're in 102.

Wow.

This room is nicer than ours.

Balki. Yes.

This is the same room.

Well, I'll be snookered.

Well, Cousin, this is great.

Now when you call out Jennifer's name in your sleep

she'll be right here.

Uh, Larry, this is not going to work.

No problem, I'll call the desk

and get this all straightened out.

Ask them to send up another bed.

And another wall.

Hello, Mac?

Yeah, this is Larry Appleton.

Yeah, listen, we only have, uh, one room

and we did pay for two.

Simple math would tell us

that, uh, we're exactly one room short.

Yeah, you get my point?

Uh-huh.

I see.

Well, let me get back to you on that.

What did he say?

Well, there are two other rooms.

Uh, one is a little flooded

and the other has snakes.

He said, we could take our pick.

Well, Cousin, what kind of fool would want a flooded room?

We'll take the snakes.

Larry, you did it to us again.

Hey, there's just a little problem

with the accommodations.

I'll work it out with Mac.

Hey, this place is gonna look great

from the other side of a suntan.

This is the worst vacation I've had with you

since the last worst vacation I've had with you.

I better go talk to her.

What's with her?

Cousin, um...

call it common sense,

call the wind Mariah,

but I, uh...

I don't think the girls are happy here.

So even though I love it,

I think we should leave.

and planning into this vacation.

I know that, Cousin. I need your support here!

Now after we get this room thing worked out,

I'm sure the girls will come around.

Aah!

There's a, there's a, a thing in the bathtub!

Relax. Just relax.

In tropical climates you've got to expect

the occasional insect or bug.

Now, whatever it is...

I'll take care of it.

What is it, Cousin?

Well, it's either a spider,

or a very hairy Volkswagen.

Okay, my turn. Okay, okay.

Aah!

Okay, okay, my turn.

Ow. Ow. Ow!

Ow.

Aah!

Cousin, I know we're having the time of our lives

but I don't think the girls

quite share our enthusiasm for this place.

What are you talking about? The girls are having

a wonderful time.

Larry, I hate this place.

and you have to rappel down a cliff to get to the beach.

And I don't know why we bothered to get all dressed up.

There's nothing to do.

Balki, that isn't an amusement park.

That's a refinery.

Okay. Okay.

You wanna leave? We'll leave.

Mosquitoes.

Watch out for the dead ones.

You could turn an ankle.

LARRY: Mac.

What time does the plane leave for the mainland?

but there's another one tomorrow.

All right, we can leave tomorrow.

In the meantime, let's just try

to enjoy the time we've got here.

You know, I think we're all experiencing a sugar low.

Why we don't go into town and sample the island cuisine?

Now that's the spirit, Balki.

Mac...

Uh, can you recommend a good restaurant on the island?

Oh, I sure could.

Welcome to Chez Mac.

Oh.

Do you have reservations?

Well, this is the, uh, the only restaurant.

We did have a little Tex-Mex place on the North Beach

but it went under last week.

Went out of business?

No, it really went under.

It sank.

Why don't we just, uh, eat here?

I've got a good feeling about it.

You do?

Well, let's eat here anyway.

Hi. My name's Mac.

I'll be your waiter this evening.

The specials are on the house

but I will need the little umbrellas back.

Well, now this is nice, huh?

This is what it's all about.

This is why I get up in the morning, this is why...

Put a sock in it, Larry.

Cousin, um...

could I have a private word with you?

Excuse us.

Oh...

This story is about

the most pigheaded pig farmer

on Mypos.

Oinki.

One day, Oinki thought

he had made the deal of his life on a prize pig.

Only, when he got it home

he discovered that it wasn't a pig at all.

It was a dog in pig's clothing.

His family was going hungry

because there was no bacon.

But Oinki was stubborn.

Even when his pig chased cars,

buried bones, and bit the mailman,

he refused to admit he'd made a mistake.

finally left him on the day his pig had puppies.

Because of his stubbornness,

he had to spend the rest of his days alone.

What's your point?

No matter what face you put on this hotel,

it's still a dog.

Now, Cousin, your pigheadedness

is costing you your friends.

I wanted so badly for Jennifer

to enjoy this trip. Yes.

I thought this would be my chance...

Cousin, Cousin, Cousin,

All right, I booked us on a trip to hell.

I'm sorry.

And I promise never to plan another vacation again.

Well, I guess we can make it through one night.

Yeah, it's not the end of the world.

Well, at least we can spend a quiet evening

and enjoy the peaceful solitude

of a tropical island.

Sorry. The kitchen's closed.

We just sat down. How can it be closed?

Okay, it's not closed.

Things like that happen in a hurricane.

GIRLS: Hurricane!

Don't panic. I've been through hurricanes on Mypos.

The first thing we have to do is find the sheep!

GIRLS: Ow! Ow.

Oh!

Aah!

MARY ANNE: I can't get up!

Balki! Balki!

All right. We'll be fine in here.

I think we've seen the worst of it.

Mary Anne, if I die,

I want you to have my Wayne Newton albums.

Thanks, Balki.

I want you to have all of my clothes

and Balki's Wayne Newton albums.

Thank you, Mary Anne.

And Larry...

If I die...

I'm taking you with me.

Now wait a minute.

We are going to be fine.

These tropical storms pass quickly.

They blow, and then they're gone.

JENNIFER: Balki, do something!

We've got to...

to block the wind.

The mattress.

We'll cover the window with the mattress.

ALL: Whoa.

Bathroom!

before the hurricane!

I mean, let's take cover in the bathroom.

Oh.

Good news.

The spider's gone.

Oh, oh. Oh...

ALL: Oh.

Balki! Balki!

Balki! Help me!

Balki! Cousin!

BOTH: Oh, Balki!

Are you okay? Yeah.

seen the worst of it.

MARY ANNE: No.

Cousin.

Cousin, look.

You can see the refinery from here.

Cousin, you know what the best thing

about going away on vacation with you is?

No, Balki, what's that?

Coming back home alive.

I just love it.

You know...

I think I'm gonna take a vacation

from planning vacations.

Oh, Cousin, you don't have to do that.

I don't? No? No.

When the girls and I were pulling you

out of that sinkhole,

I'm sorry for ruining the entire weekend.

Oh, come on, Cousin, it wasn't a complete waste of time.

I got some neat souvenirs.

Oh, you didn't buy one of those visors from Mac, did you?

Well, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

But...

Remember that spider we saw in the bathroom?