Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kind of change

* No matter what the odds are this time

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart

* Like a long-lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* On the wings of my dream

* Through the rain and thunder the wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life

* And my dream

* And nothing's gonna stop me now *

How's the research going, Balki?

Great, cousin.

What have you got on Carl Sandburg?

Uh, nothing yet.

Well, what about Robert Frost?

He's next.

Well, then what's all this?

This is all about Lowell Kelly.

Balki, I just needed a little background on the poets

whose manuscripts are being auctioned

tomorrow night at Beardsley's.

Don't waste too much time with Lowell Kelly.

He's a minor poet.

Minor?

No, I mean, compared to poets like, Sandburg and Frost,

Kelly's work isn't very good.

I love Lowell Kelly.

I love him even more.

Did you know that he used to hide his poems?

That's what I'd do with them.

He always said that it was an extension

of the hidden meaning in his poetry.

And one time, his editor had to go on a scavenger hunt

to find the poems.

if I don't get this story in on time.

Question, why would anybody hunt for scavengers?

I mean, they're ugly,

they smell bad,

they're not very good eating.

LARRY: Balki.

You know, years back,

for baby buzzard with basil.

All right, I think you need to take a break.

You accidentally wrote down

I did?

Cousin, I did not make a mistake.

Lowell Kelly used to live at our address,

"711 Coldwell Avenue."

And not only that, but he lived in apartment 209.

That's our apartment!

Well, that's incredible.

I'm still the best writer who ever lived in our apartment.

It also means

that Lowell Kelly's last poem

is hidden somewhere in our apartment.

Well, I say we do the world a favor

and let it stay hidden.

Come on, let's go to lunch.

but some other people do.

Listen to this, in 1974, a Lowell Kelly manuscript

sold for $5,000.

Five thousand dollars?

Isn't that disgusting?

Putting a price tag on a work of art.

It's like painting chest hairs on the Mona Lisa.

Five thousand dollars for a poem?

If it had been signed, it would be 10,000.

Uh, you know, Balki,

Could you get me a corned beef sandwich?

I've gotta run this up to the city desk.

Okay, cousin, one corned beef, very lean,

cut from the middle and slice diagonally,

coming right up.

Beardsley's Auction House?

Yeah, you know, I heard somewhere

that an original unpublished Lowell Kelly manuscript

brought in $5,000 in 1974.

Uh, what would one go for these days?

Twenty-five thousand dollars?

Oh, my Lord!

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, cousin, no poem back there.

But, I did find my Myposian microwave cookbook

that you said was stolen.

You sure, you can't get behind the sink?

Yeah.

You know, cousin,

I can't help noticing

that I'm doing all the work

and you're doing all the...

whatever it is you're doing.

All the work? All the work?

Balki, who went all the way downtown

to get the blueprints?

You did.

at the city planner's office?

You did.

You're right.

That's okay.

Cousin, I can't believe you will go to so much trouble

to find a Lowell Kelly poem,

when you consider him such a minor league poet.

That was this morning, Balki.

How a few simple lines on paper

can enrich a man's life.

Cousin, isn't it wonderful

that we're going to find a poem

that will bring the world such happiness?

Happiness. Right. Okay.

Let's look at the mantelpiece.

(SIGHING IN EXHAUSTION)

You know, cousin

that was valuable, I used to just shove it up the chimney.

Shove it up the chimney? Just shove it up the chimney.

Cousin, it wouldn't kill you to look up the chimney!

All right. I'll look up the chimney.

Balki.

There's something here.

Balki, hand me the poker.

to go poking up in a chimney.

Balki, I know what I'm doing. Hand me the poker.

Cousin, no... Balki...

I know more... Cousin, Balki.

Balki! Balki! No, I...

Hand me the poker. Now.

Po, po, po.

Pokie stickie up the chicky...

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

There's something stuck to the side of the chimney.

(GRUMBLES) Play with the fireplace...

(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

LARRY: If I can just...

pry it loose.

Yeah.

I'm getting it!

I'm getting it!

I've got it!

(CLATTERING)

You know, um,

one of the reasons it makes such an excellent hiding place,

is no one in their right mind...

Would go poking up inside it.

Boy, I was lucky.

Or worse,

with this tin box.

Balki!

Do you know what this is?

It's a tin box.

This isn't just a tin box.

We found the Lowell Kelly poem.

Here it is.

Get ready to hear Lowell Kelly's last poem.

"Roses are red, violets are blue

"If you want my poem, here's what you do."

Yeah. Yeah.

That's Kelly.

The man was a genius.

I don't know why he fell into disfavor in the sixties?

Balki, this isn't the poem.

Balki, these are instructions

for finding the poem.

We're nearing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Did you say "gold"?

Gold? Yes.

Why would I say "gold"?

I don't know.

There's no money involved in this.

Aren't we doing this to bring the world happiness?

Happiness. Right.

"From the front door with zest

"first you take 10 paces west."

From the front door, ten paces west.

It says with zest. With zest, 10 paces.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

"Five paces north, now five more east.

"You're getting close to a poetry feast."

One, two, three, four, five.

One, two, three, four, five.

"Six paces south. Please be meticulous."

Of course, we will. Don't be ridiculous.

Six paces south.

One, two, three, four, five... (THUDS)

Balki, I don't understand.

We're supposed to take six paces south.

We've only taken five.

Perhaps, Kelly had short legs.

Wait a minute.

Balki, this wall shouldn't be here.

Cousin, I think you're right.

If this wall were gone,

it would really open up the space

and make kind of a Santa Fe statement.

No. No, no, Balki.

I mean, this wall wasn't here

when Lowell Kelly lived here.

We need to take one more pace in that direction.

I'm going into the closet.

Six!

This is the final instruction.

"in the presence of poetry."

One, two, three, four.

Balki, the poem is hidden in your bedroom.

Come on, Balki. Let's find the...

You know,

every time I come in here, it's just a little...

Busier.

Thank you, cousin.

Speaking of which, there's something I want to show you.

Come over here. And move here.

Well.

Balki.

It's big.

I've been staying up late nights

working on it.

Well... (STAMMERING) Of course.

And, uh, this would be you over here.

The sandals give me away, huh?

And this person with no lips,

would be me.

Well, that's very nice, Balki.

Now, come on. Let's see if we can find...

Cousin. Cousin, I'm so happy you like it

because I put my heart and soul

and six months of sleepless nights into painting it.

Actually, there was one night

when I fell asleep against the mural.

You see this sheep that looks like a nose?

(STAMMERING) It is my nose.

Well, it's a good, good painting.

(BALKI GIGGLES)

But we have a poem to find, huh?

Now, let's get all this stuff off the shelves.

Cousin! Cousin, wait. Wait, wait, wait!

Wait a minute.

You were, about to touch

a rare complete set of Moogli carvings.

Okay. Okay.

Zygote, I'm going to take you down now.

I'm gonna take you down. Shh, shh, no, no, no...

That's my hand. That's my hand.

Don't look down. Don't look down.

Eye contact. Eye contact.

See me.

Hear me.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay, there's the back legs

and there's the four hoofs.

Okay.

(SIGHS)

Okay, Zina...

Well. Well, I already decided I'm not going tonight.

You're not?

No. No, I want to help you find the poem.

Well, I'm shocked.

who would do anything for the educational opportunities

that have been just handed to you?

Is this the way you show your gratitude, is it?

But, cousin, I'm only gonna do it just this once.

Oh, sure, that's what you say now

a whole semester.

the pledge of allegiance.

Cousin, I would never do that.

Then you better go to class. Okay.

I won't look for the poem till you get back.

Okay. Thank you, cousin.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHAIN SAW WHIRRING)

(GRUNTING)

(PANTING)

I didn't hear you come in.

What have you done?

Oh. Well...

Just thought I'd get a jump on things.

No need to thank me.

Balki.

I know now, where the poem is.

Where, cousin, could it possibly be?

You've torn up every wall!

The only place it could possibly be is...

No, cousin.

No. No.

Don't destroy my mural!

Please, cousin. Please, cousin.

Balki. Balki.

Think of how much better it'll be the second time around.

Cousin, I can't paint it the second time.

It was done during my blue period

and I think that's passed.

Balki, there is a manuscript on the other side of that wall

that is worth a lot of money.

we could get $25,000 for that poem!

So, that's why you're in my room with a chain saw.

This isn't about bringing the world happiness.

This is about bringing Larry Appleton money.

Wait, cousin! Look around you.

Wait! Look what you've done.

Stop, in the name of love!

Balki, get out of my way.

Okay, cousin.

You can destroy my mural if you want to.

But just think before you leap

into your own great gorge of greed.

You might find the poem

but you might lose the part of Larry Appleton

that cares more about people than he does about money.

(POUNDING)

(LARRY YELPS)

Balki,

I didn't destroy the mural.

You didn't? Yeah.

I just couldn't do it.

Cousin, thank you.

Thank you. I'm so happy.

But, why were you screaming?

Cousin, I'm so proud of you.

I didn't do it on purpose.

No, I'm proud of you for resisting

the great gorge of greed.

Yeah, I went off

the deep end again.

And you know what it was?

Pure greed.

You know, sometimes...

You just lose control.

And I lose it.

I lose control.

But you know what, cousin? Look on the bright side?

Look on the bright side.

You were lured to the edge of the great gorge of greed,

but you didn't fall in.

I do get right up to the edge though, don't I?

Why is that?

Cousin,

That's Lowell Kelly's poem!

"If you've made it this far

"you're quite a mover.

"Bring a rifle, a net, put a smile on your face.

"You'll need all of these for your wild-goose-chase."

Beautiful.

It was worth the effort.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)