Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kind of change

* No matter what the odds are this time

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart

* Like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dream

* Through the rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* And nothing's gonna stop me now *

Cousin, I'm so excited,

and I just can't hide it.

I'm about to lose control...

And I think I like it.

I can't believe I am finally going to fly on an airplane

and spend a whole week in The Great Pumpkin.

No, Balki, not "The Great Pumpkin."

New York City is the "Big Apple."

Is that all you're taking?

Well, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

I'm wearing an extra set of Jockey shorts.

Hi, girls! Hi!

Hi. Oh, hi.

Are you two ready for New York City?

Larry, about that

I'm afraid we have some bad news.

We've finally been assigned to work the Hawaii flight

the one we've been bidding on for so long.

It's the best route on the schedule, more money,

and something most flight attendants only dream about.

Well, that doesn't sound like bad news to me.

It doesn't, does it?

What was the bad news, Jennifer?

The bad news is that

we have to start our new flight tomorrow

so we can't go to New York with you guys.

I'm really sorry, Larry.

Oh. Oh... Well, uh...

Well, that's al right. I understand about careers.

the, the Big Apple will be rotten to the core.

If you weren't, you could go to Hawaii with us.

Hawaii? Well, that sounds great!

But, but I don't know if we can afford it.

No, sure you can. If you fly stand by it'll be just

a little bit more than you spend on your trip to New York.

Cousin, Hawai-i!

It will be fun and educational.

Isn't that where the Japanese bombed Pearl Bailey?

Yes, it is.

Well, let's go to Hawaii! ALL: Oh!

This is great!

Well, we better go get packed.

We'll see you in the morning.

We'll be ready.

We'll never be ready.

It took six weeks to pack for New York City.

Now I've got 12 hours to pack for Hawaii.

yet not fussy, in case we go out to dinner...

Cousin, all you need for Hawai-i

is a swimsuit, a towel

and a pair of those sandals

Thongs.

Hello.

Hello.

Hi.

Hello.

Hello.

I'm Balki Bartokomous.

Balki Bartokomous. I'm in 22D.

Feel free to drop by anytime.

Hello, hello, hello.

How are you? Balki Bartokomous.

Sheepherder.

Cousin, cousin? 22D and E, come on down!

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Oh! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'll be by in a second.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh, oh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Let me, let me just get by, and I'll be fine.

I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

Thank you.

Cousin, uh...

You know, uh,

if you check, check these bags

then they, they'll put them

in the stomach of the plane for you.

Balki, Balki, Balki.

I make it a point to carry on all my luggage

and put in the overhead compartment.

Well, just, let me...

I was just going to say that

So it was.

Cousin, uh, you... Uh, let me take care of that.

You do your bag. All right, all right, all right.

Thank you so much.

Oh. I'm, I'm so sorry. Oh, that's okay. That's okay.

I'm sorry. It's okay. It's okay.

Thank you, sir.

You know I love the way you demanded

Oh!

Well, there's a lot about me you don't know, honey.

But you'll have the rest of our lives to find out.

Let me guess.

Honeymooners?

Yes, we are.

So tell me, was it a prearranged marriage?

Or did you have to pay for her with livestock?

Gee, she looks like she could command at least

two sheep and a goat.

Do you know, my Aunt Uvula used to say

"Just give me an ox.

"I don't care about the dowry

Excuse him. Excuse him.

He's on anti-nausea medication.

Balki, these people don't want to be disturbed.

Now, buckle up.

But, cousin, as you know

both for aesthetic and practical considerations.

As I once-- Seat belt. Oh, here.

Here. Oh...

Comfy? Yeah.

Tight enough? Oh, yes!

Balki, put the tray table up.

Well, I-- Put the tray table up now.

Stop it!

You're not ever gonna do that again,

are you?

It is...

It, it's, it's very disruptive to the travel experience.

Come here. Oh, cousin, no!

I promise I'll never touch it. Come here. Come here.

Come here! Come here! Come on!

Ooh...

* Trailers for sale or rent

* Rooms to let 50 cent *

Balki.

* No phone no pool no pets

* I ain't got no cigarettes

* Two hours of pushing... *

Balki! Aah!

Why you did that for?

This is a no-singing section.

Hi, guys.

Jennifer! Mary Anne!

Oh!

Oh, we just wanted to say "Hello"

Well, then, I have to give you these now.

I baked us a little treat for our trip.

Those look good. What are they?

These are honey-roasted chalkidikis. Hmm.

What?

Honey-roasted chalkidikis

the traditional travel food of Mypos. Cousin.

Yeah, no, I'll wait for the honey-roasted peanuts.

The traditional travel food of America.

Balki, these are delicious.

Oh, thank you very much.

but they have a shelf-life of over 120 years.

PILOT: This is Captain Hogan.

Seatbelts on. Oh.

Would you buckle up. Buckle up.

BALKI: Cousin, we're fly-ing!

Larry, I feel terrible, and so does Mary Anne.

Well, maybe it's something you ate.

What'd you have for breakfast this morning?

Well, just a little coffee, dry toast

and that chalkidiki Balki gave us.

Jennifer, think very carefully.

What kind of toast was it?

Balki, it wasn't the toast.

What's in those chalkidikis?

Cousin, nothing special.

Just, uh, you know,

uh, flour, eggs, honey, yeast,

um, goat spleen

aged at room temperature

until it has that little green fur on it.

Salt and pepper to taste-- Excuse me.

Little green fur?

Cousin, I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking I should have waited

but that's-that's only what they do

on the south side of Mypos.

It's a regional thing. No, no, no.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Those chalkidikis made her sick.

I find that hard to believe.

I've been eating them since I was five years old

and they never made me sick

un-unless I have them with milk.

But, but you don't combine spleen with dairy products.

It's, uh, common knowledge.

What happens if you do?

You wish you were dead.

Ah.

Mary Anne? Hmm?

How do you feel?

I wish I were dead.

Not a good sign, cousin.

Did you have any dairy products this morning?

Just the cream in my coffee.

That would do it.

Jennifer, maybe you should get help

from the flight attendants in first class.

No, Larry, they'll think we can't handle the job

and we'll lose the route.

Hey, don't worry.

I had a glass of milk, and

I think that will make me feel better.

Think again.

Oh!

Cousin, uh, remind me

to put a warning label on any future chalkidikis.

Balki, are they gonna be all right?

But until then, it won't be pretty.

MAN: Hey, what do you have to do to get a drink on this flight?

Oh, I guess I better explain to the other passengers.

I'm sure they'll understand.

No, no, no. You can't do that.

Those people don't wanna understand.

All they want is service.

Well, of course, how are they going to get service

with, uh, Jennifer and Marry Anne so sick?

We'll do it ourselves.

What? Come on.

pour some coffee, heat up a few TV dinners.

Let's go. Cousin, I want the blue one.

No, it doesn't make any difference.

No, I really want it.

All right. All right. Here.

Okay.

Let's head 'em up

and move 'em out.

Maybe this little thing down here is the brake.

Yep.

That was it.

Sir, may I interest you in a refreshing beverage?

White Russian.

Oh, my goodness, no, no, no.

Ah, many people make that mistake.

I'm actually an olive skinned Myposian.

Balki, it's a drink.

Oh, that White Russian!

Coming up.

Hup, ho! Ho!

Ice.

Nice. Ice.

Nice twice.

Vodka. Alodka.

Oh, hup.

Ho. Hey.

Kahlua.

For you-a.

Hup. Ho! Ho!

Cream.

A dream.

Hup, ho!

Swizzle. A bizzle.

I thought you guys were just passengers.

Oh, no, no, no. Uh, we work for the airline.

We're, uh, quality control experts.

Yes, whenever we find quality,

we try to control it.

Don't go away, anybody.

Balki.

Balki.

Balki, this is great!

For the first time, I'm helping Jennifer

out of a jam I didn't get her into.

Come on. Let's get the dinners ready.

HOGAN: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Hogan again.

Please fasten your seat belts.

It appears we'll be experiencing

a little turbulence.

Cousin,

what, what is turbulence?

Is that regular?

Yes, it is. Oh, good.

There you are. Aah! Aah!

Yeah.

Is that decaf? Yes, it is.

Cream or sugar? Yes, please.

Aah! Ooh!

Well, the cream is-is by your left foot

and, uh, the sugar...

Hey, you, muck! My baked potato's cold.

Here, let me heat that up for you.

Will you get these dirty trays?

Dirty trays? We haven't even eaten yet.

Yeah. MAN: Yeah, when are we gonna eat?

Balki, help me.

Balki, rows 22 through 24 still need their dinners.

and then we've got to pick up the trays

from rows 19 through 21.

23A wants a club soda with a twist

and 86 the 7-and-7 on, uh, 26B.

10-4, cousin.

Listen...

Uh, 19C. Okay.

Ow! Oh, oh, cousin!

Ooh. Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Ow. Ow. Ooh. Ooh.

Aah. Ooh! Aah!

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Thank you.

You, pick up the dirty trays.

MAN: Hey, what's taking so long? WOMAN: Yeah, what's going on?

I just-- Where's my vegetarian meal?

Oh, sir, I know just where it is.

It's in the Mr. microphone oven.

I'll go get it.

There... MAN: Hey, hey, hey. Wait!

It's mine now, buddy.

Here you go, sir.

One veterinarian supper.

But this is steak. I'm a vegetarian.

Well, I added that.

Our veterans deserve the best.

There you go.

WOMAN: Thank you. MAN: Yeah.

You promised to get me a brownie, dear.

Well, I think they're out of them, dear.

I want a brownie!

Uh, I think, I can get you an extra brownie. Thank you.

Why does the broad get an extra brownie?

Broad? Hey, you can't call my bride a broad, buddy.

You wanna step outside?

All right. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Look, I know we're all a little irritable

because we haven't eaten--

Yeah, and it's all your fault.

Let's take over the kitchen.

ALL: Yeah.

Cousin, need some help?

Hey, why are you on a coffee break when I'm starving?

Yeah, let's get our own food.

All right. All right. Hold it right there!

My God!

I think he means it!

What is the movie anyway?

Oh, it's a good one.

Ernest Goes to Camp.

Get him!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Now, just, just get back, funky cats.

Now, I may be mistaken

You're supposed to be going off to have a nice vacation.

Why aren't you happy and joyful?

Why are you acting like a lunch mob?

ALL: Yeah!

Well, I got a hot flash for you.

We're not flight attendants at all.

Here are your flight attendants

and they happen to be two of the best in the business.

Unfortunately, at the moment

Yeah, well, cry me a river.

We understand that.

The only reason we're only doing this

is to help these ladies out.

I mean, if somebody complains they could lose their jobs.

Look, look, is it, is it too much to ask

that, that we all just help out a little?

Just sit down and be patient

and, and we'll get to you.

Think about it.

You're fighting over airline food.

Yeah, he's got a point, my brownie was awful.

I thought the Jell-O was pretty good.

But I'm still hungry.

You know what?

I don't know how-how Jennifer and Mary Anne

serve dinner at all with the plane bouncing around like this.

HOGAN: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Hogan again.

I think the turbulence is finally behind us.

Flight attendants may now begin serving dinner.

BALKI: Girls, I'm glad you're feeling better.

You know, Jennifer, after trying to do your job

I have a whole new respect for you.

No-no-not that I didn't respect you before.

Oh, no. I understand.

Oh, look. Someone left their jacket.

Jennifer, uh...

Although you feel fine now

I got to warn you

that there is one nasty little side effect.

For about a week you're going to have

a very bad reaction to plaid.

A bad reaction to plaid?

Oh, Balki.

Well, I guess, I'll turn this in to lost and--