Original subtitles

I don't understand, you said you hate camping.

I do, but Jennifer loves it.

She thinks it's romantic.

This is my chance to get Jennifer

away for a romantic weekend.

Oh, look.

Rafts.

The campsite is right on the river.

We'll rent a raft.

What could be more romantic?

Larry, aren't we going a lot faster than we were before?

Well, well, maybe a couple of knots.

Larry, Larry. Cousin.

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kind of change

* No matter what the odds are this time

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dreams

* The rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now *

We can, we can rest.

Jennifer, thank God, you're alive.

You know, when I saw Larry coming to save me

I thought I was a goner.

Alright.

The first thing we have to do

is figure out how to get out of here.

No, cousin.

The first thing we have to do

is to figure out where, "Here," is.

You mean we're lost?

No, no, no. We can't be lost.

The last time you got us lost

Jennifer, don't worry.

I will get us out of here.

We're going to die! MARY ANNE: Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Okay, okay, ladies, ladies, please.

Have some consideration.

You're gonna wake up the owls.

Now, this happens to be a nice, safe spot for a campsite.

And now, I'm going to be handing out some assignments seeing

that I'm the camping leader.

We need somebody to head up the firewood committee.

And one of you people gets to dig for the good-luck slug.

Now, let's take the, uh, life jackets.

Spread them out to dry.

Now, wait, wait, wait.

Why are we making camp?

All we have to do is cut across the forest

in...that direction.

We'll just follow it down to the campsite

and we'll be there in time for the big barbeque

and talent show.

and wait for the search party.

I'm with Balki.

Me too.

Uh, Balki, could I...speak with you privately.

Oh, sure.

Excuse us.

You have got to let me lead us out of here.

You have got to be kidding.

Cousin, Jennifer and Mary Anne won't follow you.

I'm having kind of a hard time myself.

Alright, wait, wait, wait.

You're the camping leader.

They'll follow me if you tell them to.

Cousin, they lost their way

not their minds.

But good news, I'm gonna put you in charge of gathering nuts.

Now, Balki.

If I don't get Jennifer's respect back

she won't trust me again.

If she doesn't trust me

she won't go out with me anymore.

I'll wind up alone, heartbroken,

Never to have a darling little tyke

to climb into my lap

and say in a sweet, innocent voice,

"When is Uncle Balki coming over to visit?

"I want him to tell me more stories of Mypos."

Oh, cousin, I want to be an uncle.

Of course you do.

Even though I don't know how that works since we are cousins.

Well, I...

Are you sure you know how to get back to the campsite?

Of course. Nobody can be wrong all the time.

Okay.

I'll do it.

Oh, I suppose I'll have to, now, break the news

to Jennifer and Mary Anne.

You can do it. Okay.

Well, here I go.

Jennifer, um, Mary Anne,

first of all, I'd like to tell you

just how lovely you look today.

Now, uh, I've been thinking

about this, and as camping leader

What? What?

Get 'em up, move 'em out.

* I don't know but I've been told

* Illinois wind is a mighty cold

* Sound off

* Game scout

* Three four *

* Twenty-three bottles of beer on the wall *

Look.

I can see the other fork of the river.

Oh! Oh! We made it, we made it!

And it only took us five hours.

You did it! I did it.

We'll rest here for a few minutes

then, we'll into camp with our heads held high.

What's that?

Life jackets.

Mary Anne, this is the other clearing.

We've been walking for five hours

and you lead us in a circle.

How could you lead us in a circle!

How could you lead us in a circle!

Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer

may, may I, may I have a word with you?

Now, is this really fair?

Shouldn't you pick on someone your own size?

Well, let me have him.

Let me have him.

Let go. I know it's hard.

Get up.

How could you lead us in a circle?

How could you lead us in a circle!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Alright.

Alright, now...

We've wasted a lot of daylight.

So, so, girls, I want you to go

and, and, uh, search for firewood.

Cousin Larry and I are going to forage the forest for food.

Fine. But wait.

I know what I did wrong.

Now, I really know where I'm going.

We head through the woods... Let's get some firewood.

If we just, no, if we kinda, we kinda cross here and...

Cousin, cousin, cousin. We have, we have, we have...

It's over. Let it go.

I can't, I just can't

Cousin, cousin, come on, listen, listen to me.

Listen to me. Listen.

It's gonna be great.

We're gonna build a fire

and we're gonna tell stories

around the camp fire.

And we're gonna have a wonderful camping trip.

I don't wanna have a wonderful camping trip.

You don't? No.

I want Jennifer to respect me.

But, cousin, that ship has sunk.

I can't believe I did this. Well, I...

I can't believe I did this.

Cousin, cousin, listen

Jennifer won't be mad forever.

She won't? No.

No? Would you stop?

Please don't make that sound.

My ears.

Listen, you know what it is?

It's just every time her life get's threatened

she gets a little cranky.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Well, you see?

her head will be wearing a big, happy face.

Forest ranger?

Alright, wait a minute.

Jennifer is not going to be rescued

by some good-looking guy.

She's going to be rescued by me.

Alright, you stay here.

I'm going to go get help.

Now, cousin, cousin, no.

It's going to be dark soon

Balki, there's a full moon.

Cousin, you got lost in a full sun.

Balki, I'm going to find help or die trying.

Oh!

Boy, are you having one bad day.

Balki, help, I'm stuck in quicksand.

Cousin, don't worry, I'll help you.

It's gonna be kinda hard to save you from here.

Yes, yes, it will.

Help! Help!

Jennifer! Mary Anne! Help!

Where'd they go to get firewood

Help!

Cousin, if I don't get out, I want you to pick up

I have a, I have a, I have a roll of film

at the Photorama.

Oh, Balki, Balki.

Cousin, cousin, just wait. Wait, wait, wait.

I-I-I know how to keep us from sinking.

How? Well, I saw this movie once.

Yes. Did you ever see, uh,

"Tarzan Fight For His Life?"

Super flick.

Tarzan, Tarzan says that if you don't struggle

then you won't get caught in the quicksand.

Alright, then relax. Relax. Relax.

Relax. Relax.

Balki. Yes.

Well, of course, we are not. Tarzan don't lie.

Now, how are we going to get out of here?

Well, now, cousin. Yeah.

Over there, there's a nice branch you can grab.

Over where? Over there.

Over there? Over there!

Oh, over there. Over there.

Right there. Oh, yeah. Alright.

Yes, I see it. Well, then...

Grab it!

Alright. Alright.

Yeah. Yeah.

Relax. Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Relax. Relax! I'm sinking. I'm sinking!

Relax! Relax. I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed.

Relax. Relax. I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed.

Relax.

* Don't do it

* Where you want to go to it

* Go do it

* Where you want to go *

Balki.

Perhaps I should try it.

Yes, by all means.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! Yes! See that?

Balki, you've done it.

You've done it.

Oh, oh. Yeah.

Oh!

Oh, Balki.

Balki.

We're alive! We're alive!

Who wants more of Balki's all

Fresh off the trail.

This stuff is delicious.

What do you call these nut

Nuts.

I think he is asleep.

Well, at least we're safe for a while.

Oh, Jennifer, try not to be too hard on Cousin Larry.

He was just trying to show you a good time.

But Balki, every time he tries to show me a good time

they send out a search party.

He knows that.

the best trip you've ever taken.

And he struck out again, wow!

Listen, I, I know how we can make him feel better.

Um, we can use a trick the experts use.

I saw one time, this episode of Fathers Knows Best

and, uh, David had a problem with Ricky.

And he went into the...

Ozzie And Harriet.

Ooh! Right, right, right.

So, uh, so, anyway, um,

so, David got the Beav to pretend that he needed some help...

No, no, wait. No.

No, Balki, the Beav was on Leave It To Beaver.

Oh, of course, right, right, right. Thank you.

Um, wait a minute. Maybe it was...it was Wally.

Yeah, it was Wally who needed help. Okay...

Was that, was that Wally on Leave It To Beaver,

or Wally on Ozzie And Harriet?

I don't know.

Okay.

So, somebody on television

pretended that they needed help,

so that somebody else on television would come

and help them and be the hero

and get their confidence back.

You mean, that if we trick Larry into doing something heroic

maybe he'll get his confidence back?

Yeah, I was thinking maybe you could pretend

to be bitten by a snake

and then, and then I could run and hide in the bushes

and you can wake Cousin Larry up

and then he can suck out the deadly poison.

Balki, that's great. You like it?

Yes, you can use my eyeliner pencil to draw the snake bite.

JENNIFER: Where should I put it, on my hand?

Uh, uh, well, I think your arm is better.

No, no, her leg.

No, no, her arm is...

Please. I don't want your pity.

So, what did we decide?

Is it gonna be on your arm or on your leg?

Mary Anne, your stomach is growling.

Mary Anne! Mary Anne! What

MARY ANNE: Oh, my God.

Balki, Balki. He's gone.

Larry! Larry! Oh! Oh, Jennifer, what is it?

Bear! Bear! A bear

There. There.

Of course, he isn't.

I see what's going on.

Larry, Larry, please, there really is a bear over there.

Okay, fine.

Be careful. Yeah.

Yoo-hoo! Mister bear!

Are you hungry?

Here's my arm.

Larry, what are you doing?

I'm scaring the bear away so I can get my confidence back.

Boo.

There.

Okay? I got my confidence back.

Alright, Balki, you can come out now.

What are you doing up?

He's gonna get us. Alright, everybody back!

Back! Back! Back, furball!

I hate these woods and everything in it!

Just get out of my face! Leave us alone!

You could have been killed.

He scared it away.

Larry, you saved our lives.

I did?

I guess I did.

Yeah. I really scared that bear away.

I really risked my life.

I... I really think you oughta catch me.

Oh, boy!

Some weekend, huh?

Whoa, you can say that again.

You believe that Sunday

Balki, I was referring to almost drowning in a river

getting lost in the woods and being attacked by a bear.

Yes, by all means that was, that was quite something.

How long do you think it'll be before Jennifer

forgets that I saved her life

and remembers that I was the one who risked it.

Oh, about... A week, 10 days tops.

Well, I'm gonna enjoy it while I can.

You know, on the bus ride home

Jennifer looked at me differently.

Her eyes, uh, swelled up with what I have to think is

a new-found respect for me.

Well, they did swell up, cousin

but I'm pretty sure it was from the poison ivy

you gathered for her to sleep on.

Poison ivy?

Can't be.

I used the same leaves to make my bed.