Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Where is he? Has he been down here yet?

Who are you talking about?

Who am I talking about?

Well, if you don't know, how can I help you?

I am talking about the Director, Joel Berry.

He's makin' the television commercial for the Chronicle.

I heard something about that.

He has been scouring the building looking

for the perfect Chronicle employee to star in it.

But he hasn't found me yet.

Well, in that dress, I don't think how he can miss you.

Do you like it?

Oh, I hope Mr. Berry does.

I followed him around all morning,

but I wasn't able to catch his eye.

You would think that a nationally syndicated columnist

would be able to attract his attention, but no!

So I ran out and got this dress.

It's an original.

One of a kind.

I better be lookin' in a mirror.

They told me mine was the only one like this.

In your size maybe.

Oh, Harriette, just between you and me,

I don't think that's your color.

Today it is.

That could be Mr. Berry.

Oh, look at that stain.

What stain?

Damn. She's good.

Maybe the director will notice you,

and then... And then he will put you in the commercial

and you will become a star,

and start living the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

And then, that guy will say about you,

"A man with no ability at all

"parlayed it into spectacular screen success

"and a fabulous dream villa

"in pulsating Puerto Vallarta.

"Has success ruined him?

"Well, of course not. Don't be ridiculous."

Balki! "We'll be--"

Now, he's not gonna pick me.

He'll probably find

whoever he's looking for on one of the upper floors.

That's where all the glamor jobs are.

What is the matter with you, Miles?

I mean, showing me a loading dock.

Now we're not shooting a Bekins commercial, Miles!

Well, what is this place?

I mean, it looks like a basement.

It is a basement.

Oh.

Is that the director?

I think it is.

Well, if he's a director

he might know Wayne Newton.

Balki.

Balki, he's a very busy man.

I'm sure he doesn't wanna be bothered. Yes, but--

Here's your mail, cousin. Thanks.

I don't believe it, Miles.

Two people who are actually working instead of auditioning.

Can I see that again?

Can you see what again? Uh, give him the mail.

I just did. Oh.

I know, but would you just mind going through the motions again?

Uh, no, no, no.

Uh, just... Just walk to the desk, huh?

Walk, walk, walk.

Stop!

That's it!

Balki, did you hear that?

I think you're gonna be in the commercial.

But you.

You're my star.

There he is. Hit it.

BOTH: Wherever we go

Whatever we do

We're gonna go through it together

We may not go far

But sure as a star

JENNIFER: Too bad we're gonna miss you film your commercial.

It sounds exciting.

Yeah. We have to fly to boring old Paris.

I'd love to see you act.

Well, you may get your chance.

What?

Thespian.

What?

Okay.

Actor. Actor.

I was just kicking around the idea of doing some theater.

You know, local stuff, then, uh,

who knows, maybe Tinseltown.

Cousin, you're going to Santa's village?

Hollywood.

Well, uh, we have to get to the airport early.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Good night, Balki.

Good night, Mary Anne.

And don't worry.

I won't forget the little people.

The people who believed in me.

The people who said, "Larry, you've got a dream.

The people who-- Larry,

I have to do my hair in the morning.

I'm sorry.

See you when you get back. Bye.

Good night. Good night.

Well,

big day tomorrow.

Guess I'll turn in.

Balki, come here.

We have got a lot of work to do.

I wanna prepare you for the commercial.

So, let's rehearse your part.

Well, what is there to rehearse?

I just walk up to you like this

and say, "Here's your mail, Mr. Appleton" and...

That's how you're going to do it tomorrow?

But that's how I do it every day.

Balki, every day, you're a person delivering the mail.

But tomorrow, you'll be an actor

playing the part of a person delivering the mail.

Two completely different things.

One is a job, the other is acting.

No, cousin.

One is delivering the mail

and the other is delivering the mail.

Balki, Balki, Balki.

I know a little bit about acting.

Oh, why be modest? I know a lot about acting.

In high school, I built the sets for West Side Story.

I love that one.

Tomorrow, tomorrow

I love you tomorrow...

I wouldn't want you to be embarrassed tomorrow

because you wouldn't let me help you tonight.

I don't want to be embarrassed tomorrow.

No, I didn't think you would. Here. Let's get started.

Let's pretend that this is my desk.

Your work space is over here.

You cross to me and hand me the mail.

Go.

Wrong!

But I, I haven't done anything yet.

Balki, my high school drama teacher always said,

"Acting is just concentration and relaxation."

Concentrate on relaxing.

All right. Ready, let's try it.

Go.

Relax your feet.

Relax your knees.

Relax your hips.

Swing those arms.

Yes. Head up.

Shoulders back. Not that far back.

Not bad.

All right.

Let's work on your line.

Here's your mail, Mr. Appleton.

Mail.

You've got to emphasize "mail."

That's the important word.

Now try it again.

Here's your mail! Mail!

Mail.

BOTH: M-m-mail.

M-mail-l-l.

Uh, yeah.

M-m-mail-l-l.

BOTH: M-mail-l-l.

Okay, let's put it all together.

LARRY: All right. Ready...

Go.

Relax the feet.

Relax the knees.

Hips.

Swing those arms. Head up.

Shoulders back.

Here's your m-m-mail-l-l,

Mr. Appleton.

Better.

JOEL: Ready on the set. Stand by.

Uh, listen up, everybody.

We are ready to roll.

Uh, Balki, coming in.

so we're going to do it without a rehearsal.

This is a take.

Roll tape.

Settle. Everyone settle.

And action.

Uh, cut.

Uh, Balki, come here.

Are your legs okay?

Well, I, I don't mean to brag,

but on Mypos, they're the talk of the village.

Joel, could I have a second?

Uh, don't worry. He'll get it.

I've been working with him myself.

Just tell him, "Less knees, more hips." That should do it.

Less knees, more hips.

Got it.

Thanks, babe.

Balki, uh,

Oh, yes. He has been very helpful.

He taught me the difference between just delivering the mail,

and being an actor who is playing the part

of a person delivering the m-mail-l-l.

I see, uh...

Balki, just forget everything he told you, all right.

And just simply, just simply deliver the mail.

Roll tape.

Here's your mail, Mr. Appleton.

I did it! I did it! Didn't I do it?

Cut.

Balki, you said your line very well.

But now you have to let me do my part.

Uh, that is why we're here.

Of course. Oh, I'm sorry. You're right.

No, no, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine. Come on over here.

Here we go. Back to the table and the mail.

All right, and...

Roll tape.

Larry, that's my job.

Then let's get with it, Miles.

Roll tape.

And action.

Here's your mail, Mr. Appleton.

Thanks, Balki.

Here, at the Chicago Chronicle,

we work hard every day.

Cut!

What the hell was that?

Oh, no, no, no, no. Not, not, not you, him.

Uh, what was that voice?

What happened to your regular voice?

That was my regular voice,

modulated to performance level.

Well, don't modulate.

Just... Just speak.

Okay.

If that's what you want.

Indulge me, hmm?

Okay, Balki, here we go.

Back to the table.

And the mail. All right.

From the top.

Roll tape. And settle.

Here's your mail, Mr. Appleton.

Here at the Chicago Chronicle,

we work hard every day.

But, hey,

that doesn't mean we're not fun people.

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Uh, where did those words come from?

You see, "fun people" isn't in my script.

Yeah, but they...

They didn't pop.

Just say the lines the way they are written.

Hmm?

One more time. And the mail.

Let's try it one more time.

Roll tape again.

And action.

There's your mail, Mr. Appleton.

Cut. No! No!

No, you can't say "cut."

You see, that's... That's my job.

Yes, but

he said, "There's your mail"

instead of, "Here's your mail." Oh. Oh.

And I thought we were sticking to the script.

Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm so sorry!

No. Balki, Balki, Balki, you're doing fine.

Larry. Let's take a break, huh?

I think I need a creative meeting over here.

Look, I think I have a solution.

Lar, I think I have a solution of my own.

So we really won't need you for this meeting. Hmm?

Okay. We'll try it your way first.

The director seems upset with someone.

I'm doing my best, cousin.

Don't you worry, Balki.

If they decide not to use you in this commercial, I walk.

Well, Mary Anne, let's help clean up before we go.

Oh, no, no, no! No, no. No, no.

We do that.

Cousin, it's our commercial! Uh.

Uh, we don't need to see that.

We haven't seen it yet.

Here's your mail, Mr. Appleton.

Hi. I'm Balki Bartokomous.

And I just delivered the mail

to a reporter here at the Chronicle.

And If he were not so busy

writing an article for today's paper,

he would tell you that here at the Chronicle,

we work hard every day to bring you the news

with a friendly touch.

So, join our friendly family

every morning with the Chronicle.

ANNOUNCER ON TV: The Chicago Chronicle.

News with a friendly touch.

Balki, you were wonderful! Oh, I...

Cousin Larry was good.

Was Larry in it?

Of course he was.

And you were very good, too.

I mean, it's hard to just sit there and not say anything.

I mean, but what we could see in your face

expressed this whole kind of a... A range of emotion.

And the way you took the mail,

you made it look so easy.

Do you think we should go now?

Yes, I do.

Thanks for a great evening.

It was a great night.

And, Larry, you were great.

Good night.

Cousin, you're upset. No, I'm fine.

Now, cousin, ever since we finished making that commercial,

you've been on an antacid binge.

Don't you think it would make you feel better to talk about it?

When Jennifer and Mary Anne left for Paris,

I was Larry Appleton, star.

By the time they got back, I was Larry Appleton, bit player.

Cousin, you're at least a two-bit player.

Balki, I told everyone I was gonna be a big star.

I even practiced my autograph.

"Love ya. Larry A."

I lost my part in the first five minutes.

But, cousin, that's just because they "went a different way" with it.

Balki, that's Hollywood talk for getting fired.

Larry Appleton, the jerk.

Cousin, you...

You underestimate your friends.

We don't see that ridiculous Larry Appleton.

Not for a second.

You don't? Well, maybe for a second.

Uh-huh. But...

Cousin, when your friends look at you,

we see Larry Appleton, the good friend,

and Larry Appleton, the kind person.

And Larry Appleton who is always there when you need him.

And... And Larry Appleton who never tears the tags off of mattresses.

And Larry Appleton-- Thanks, Balki. I feel better.

You know, I have to admit you were pretty good in that commercial.

Uh...

Even just the way you said, "Here's the mail."

Mail.

That's what I said.

Mail.

Better.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm proud of you.

And I'll bet, you'll get a kick out of seeing your picture

on every bus in Chicago.

Well, you've got a surprise coming your way, cousin.

What is it?

Balki, what's... What's the surprise?

No, no.

Tell me.