Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothing to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feeling

* Like you need some kind of change

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light at the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dreams

* Rise and fall

* On the wings of my dreams

* Through the rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life

* My dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now *

* Give me a ticket on an airplane

* Ain't got time to catch a fast train

* Lonely days are gone

* I'm a-going home

* My baby just wrote me a letter *

I can't believe a prestigious paper like the Chicago Chronicle

would run the predictions of some two-bit stargazer.

Claire Hayden happens to be the world's the greatest psychic.

You got that right. I read her predictions every day.

I have an inquiring mind, you know.

Well, stick around, Balki.

Get back, funky cat.

Oh, it's true. She's with Mr. Burns right now.

When they're finished I have to drive her to the airport.

Cousin, you are one lucky dude.

You get to spend rush hour with a famous prophet.

Balki, she's as much of a prophet as I am.

Get out of the city.

You can tell the future?

Balki, I can't tell the future, and neither can she.

She just flies in once a year

makes some guesses about the future

Well, if they're just guesses they're pretty good.

She predicted Sean Penn would do time.

Well, anybody could have predicted that.

I can't wait to see the newspaper tomorrow.

"This year Claire Hayden predicts

the Earth will revolve around the sun."

No, we'll be burned to a crisp!

He's your cousin.

Balki, the Earth revolves around the sun every year.

Oh, that's right. I always get mixed up on that point.

On Mypos they only teach science up through the Bronze Age.

Get a move on, Appleton, Ms. Hayden will miss her plane.

Yes, I'm going to get the car now, sir.

And another thing, Appleton.

Uh, will you excuse us, Claire?

I'll make this up to you, Appleton.

I couldn't be with that woman another minute.

I'll get her out of your hair, sir.

Claire, if you only knew how much I wanted to drive you

to the airport, but I've got to put this edition to bed.

It was nice seeing you again, Harry.

See you next year, Claire.

Just a moment.

Yes, you will.

Miss Hayden?

You'd like my autograph.

Wow!

You are good.

No. No, that wasn't a prediction.

A lot of people ask for my autograph.

I'll need a pen.

Oh, you spell my name B-A-L-K-I...

Miss Hayden?

I see a terrible storm.

I see a man.

He's eating a golden ring and sitting on a sheep.

Would you like a glass of water?

A chair?

An exorcist of some kind?

The clock strikes midnight.

There's a knock at the door. Who is it?

I don't know.

It's death.

That's B

There you are.

But, those things you said?

Sometimes when I pick up something

I get these premonitions about the owners of the objects.

Is this your pen?

No.

Well, I hope I predicted good things.

It was nice meeting you. I have to go now, my car's ready.

Ms. Hayden, your car is... Yes, I know.

Oh, there's my lucky pen.

No, I... I'm... No, thank you.

I-I don't want a supersaver.

No, I... No, thank you.

Read my lips.

where it doesn't rain and there are no sheep.

Hello?

Hel...

Oh.

What a nightmare.

I'm stuck in the car with one of the witches of Eastwick.

Oh, by the way,

Where am I going?

Cousin, great news! We won a free vacation!

The only thing is, in order to collect the prize

we got to get out the door by midnight.

Wait, little buddy.

What free vacation?

What free vacation?

Cousin, we got to hit the road, Zack.

* On the road again

* And that's just what they'll... *

Balki!

I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on.

Well, cousin, I've said everything there is to say.

Sit down.

It's been a long time.

So, how the heck are you?

Balki, I want the truth.

Are you in some kind of trouble?

If you are, I'll help you.

I don't know how to tell you.

Just say it.

Well, it's bad news.

Well, well, you just say it.

Well, it's very bad news.

Balki, how bad can it be?

Whatever it is we'll deal with it together.

Just say it. Just come right out and say it.

I found out you're going to die.

My, gosh, that's how you tell somebody?

You just blurt it out?

Oh, my God. Oh!

Cousin, you told me to tell you.

Well, you could have used a little tact.

Let me tell you, finding out, you're gonna die.

It's,it's, it's a bit of a shock.

I'm, I'm so young.

I've never had an apartment by myself.

How did you find out?

No.

Then who?

I don't want to tell you.

What do you mean? You don't want to tell me?

You told me I was going to die. This is the easy part.

If I tell you,

will you promise not to laugh at me and not to talk down to me?

Of course, I promise. Why would I laugh?

I'm dying.

Cousin,

Ms. Claire Hayden picked up your lucky pen

and she went into a trance

and she said, and I quote,

"There will be a terrible storm

"and at the stroke of midnight

"you will sit on a sheep and eat a golden ring

"and then, Mr. Death...

"Mr. Death will come and take you away

"forever."

Let it out, cousin.

You

promised not to laugh.

I'm sorry. I know, I know.

I know you believe in this stuff.

But, really, Mr. Death?

Does he look like, Jack Nicholson?

You promised not to laugh and not to talk down to me

and now, you're doing both.

Balki, think about it.

She said there would be a terrible storm, right?

Well, look, there is not a cloud in the sky

and the weather report says nothing but sunshine for the next week.

This lady's predictions are absurd.

There. You see? A storm.

Now, do you believe the predictions?

Balki, a little lightning a little thunder, a little rain.

It means nothing.

Boy, that really came out of nowhere, didn't it?

Cousin,

now, do you believe Mr. Death is coming to get you?

But if he's coming

I'd better change.

Oh, what do you think?

Oh! I wonder if he's bringing Mrs. Death.

Cousin, I wouldn't joke if I were you.

Mr. Death don't have such a great sense of humor.

Balki, you're right.

We wouldn't want the angel of death

He's early.

Early?

I like that in a Grim Reaper.

No, cousin! No, no, no, no!

We just got Balki's message on our answering machine.

Larry, I can't believe it.

I didn't even know you were sick.

There so much we should've talked about.

There so much we should've done.

Well, we still have a little time.

Uh, oh, well, uh...

No, look, I'm not sick at all

and I'm definitely not dying.

Then what is this about?

Jennifer, Mary Ann,

would you please try to talk some sense into him?

At the stroke of midnight Mr. Death is going to come

for Cousin Larry right after he sits on a sheep and eats a golden ring.

What is this really all about?

Balki met Claire Hayden at the paper.

And she made these crazy predictions about me.

Oh, is that all it is?

"Is that all it is?"

Mr. Death is coming for Cousin Larry and that's what you say?

"Is that all it is? Is that all it is?"

Oh, God. Now, I have a headache.

What does it take to impress you people?

I'm impressed.

Finally, a rational person.

Look, there's an easy way to prove

that all of this is just nonsense.

I'll call Pioli's. We'll order pizza.

Then we'll wait till midnight.

If Mr. Death shows up, I'll admit I'm wrong.

How much longer?

Five minutes 'til midnight.

All right, what's the name of the game?

Gin.

I'm unbeatable. I should be doomed every night.

What is that?

Myposian death repellent.

A little dab will do you.

It smells terrible!

But cousin, that's how we think it works.

It makes you smell so bad

that Mr. Death don't want to get near you.

It's working on me.

Death repellent?

buy into such hocus-pocus.

Cousin, we're running out of time.

If we don't do something soon,

Hey, here I am, Mr. Death!

Come and get me!

Oh, Balki, will you get away from me with that stuff?

I think I can get through the next...

Four minutes.

Maybe Larry's right.

Now, why don't we have some coffee and something to eat

and try to relax.

Aah!

Sorry, Larry.

Yes, why don't we just try to remain calm.

All right, now, it's just...

Three minutes. Three minutes 'til midnight.

Let's just sit down and not get crazy.

I mean, come on people.

You look like you're going to somebody's funeral.

Oops!

I said the f-word.

Ohh!

Ooh. What's this?

You sat on a sheep!

Mr. Death is probably on the stairs by now.

It's a, it's not a sheep, it's a toy.

This doesn't count, does it? I don't know.

Balki, did she say it had to be a real sheep?

Why did you have to sit on Dimitri?

All right, Balki, Balki!

Oh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right.

So I sat on a sheep.

One of Claire Hayden's predictions came true.

All right, two.

Aah!

You ate the golden ring.

I'm all right. Cousin, are you all right?

Are you okay Yes. I'm fine.

You're okay.

Why did you eat the golden ring?

Now, three of the predictions have come true.

Ten seconds till midnight.

It's not a golden ring. It's a doughnut.

What kind of doughnut? Five seconds.

A golden doughnut!

Four, three... Oh, no.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Two, one.

Wait!

It's after midnight.

Are

No.

Oh, yay!

Oh, oh, good!

Boy, nothing like a little terror

to get your heart started.

I'm really glad you're all right, Larry.

Well...

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night, Balki. I had a wonderful evening.

Except for the screaming part.

I'm glad you're alive.

Thank you.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Boy...

I just can't believe you're not dead.

You know, Balki, it's coincidences like those

that happened here tonight

that cause primitive cultures to believe superstitions.

Well, what do you say we get some sleep? Hmm.

We gotta get up early tomorrow.

And, uh, it's almost midnight. Hmm.

Did you say almost midnight?

Mary Ann's watch must have been fast.

Let's call the time lady.

He's here.

Wait, wait, wait. Why didn't I think of this before?

We just won't answer the door.

All right.

All right, I, I know what I must do.

I'll go to the door myself.

Mr. Death will take me.

I'll tell him I'm Larry Appleton.

No! No. No. Cou...

There's no Larry Appleton here!

You've got the wrong address!

Mr. Death..

Mister...

Mr. Death.

Mr. Death. Mr. Death.

Oh, Mr. Death. No, no.

Mr. Death.

BOTH: Hi.

I forgot my purse.

Are you sure you guys are all right?

Really good.

Bye.

It, uh...

It wasn't Mr. Death.

No, no, no.

It was, uh, Jennifer.

Yes, yes, yes, it was.

Mr. Death would have been

less humiliating.

Far, far less humiliating. Less humiliating.

You were really serious about taking my place.

Oh, well, it was only Jennifer. It didn't matter.

But you, you didn't know that.

You thought it was Mr. Death.

You would have really taken my place

even though I made fun of you.

Yes, you did do that.

Even though I talked down to you.

Well, you always do that.

Even though I laughed in your face.

Now, that hurt.

I guess I don't say this often enough but, uh,

I'm glad you're my cousin.

Well,

Well, I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight.

Me neither.

("THE TWILIGHT ZONE" THEME PLAYS)

Well, that's enough for me.