Original subtitles

* Sometimes the world looks perfect

* Nothin' to rearrange

* Sometimes you just get a feelin'

* Like you need some kind of change

* Nothing's gonna stand in my way

* This flame in my heart

* Like a long-lost friend

* Gives every dark street a light

* At the end

* Standing tall

* On the wings of my dream

* On the wings of my dream * * On the wings of my dream *

* Through the rain and thunder

* The wind and haze

* I'm bound for better days

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now * * Nothing's gonna stop me now *

* It's my life and my dream

* Nothing's gonna stop me now

* Nothing's gonna stop me now *

* Seven swans a-swimming

* Six geese a-laying

* Five onion rings

* Four calling birds

* Three French hens

ALL: * And a partridge in a pear tree *

Um, on behalf of Donald, uh, and myself

and our children, Donnie and Marie,

we'd, uh, like to wish you a very merry Christmas

and a happy and a healthy New Year.

ALL: Aw. MAN: Thank you, thank you.

All right, all right. You've had your fun, you've had your food.

The party's over.

Appleton, you and the turnip, clean up.

We'll put the food away.

I think it was a lovely party, don't you?

I don't even like these people.

And you spend $100 feeding them meat.

Donnie, Marie, put that stuff down and get in the car!

Oh, yeah? Try and make us.

That's it, that's it. No presents, no candy.

Boys, I'd like to thank you for working so hard all year

and I, uh, want to apologize for my husband.

He really wasn't mugged on the way

from the bank with your Christmas bonuses.

Then who give him that black eye?

Never mind about that. Ah.

Merry Christmas, boys. BOTH: Merry Christmas to you.

Thank you.

I can always use another envelope.

Balki, there's money inside. Money?

And Mr. Twinkacetti just said we could, we could

leave off work ten minutes early.

When will it all stop?

Wait till we get to Madison.

My mom will open the front door

and there'll be the smell of hot--

Right, there'll be a roaring--

around the piano singing carols.

Guess I've talked about Christmas in Madison a lot.

Only since June, but...

But I like hearing about it.

I can't wait.

Give me a break. That's no angel.

That's Little Joe Cartwright.

Snow!

Cousin, come and look. In a minute.

Come and... Come and look.

Come and look, come and look. Come and look. Come and look.

Isn't it beautiful?

I can't believe even the snow is better in Madison.

Oh-ho, yeah.

You're gonna love Christmas morning.

My mom always tries to trick us by setting the clocks back,

but you can't fool nine kids.

Oh.

And you know what this year is?

1986?

Well, yes, it is.

What I meant was, this year I'm the Christmas boy.

Well, of course you are. Don't be ridiculous.

What is that?

I've waited nine years for it to be my turn again.

Boy, I love Christmas with my family.

This is the, the first, uh,

Christmas I'm going to be away from my family.

And, uh, I'm going to miss my little nieces and nephews laughing

and the smell of baklava in the kitchen

Well, of course you're gonna miss all that.

Anyone would.

Did you say Christmas turtle?

Well, of course.

On Mypos, at Christmas,

the whole family goes down to the seashore

and we catch a big sea turtle, we bring it home

and we decorate with, uh, glass balls

and, uh, angels and little strips of tinfoil,

but you wouldn't know about those things. Anyway...

The day after Christmas, we take him back

and put him in the ocean and he swim away.

But the same turtle keeps coming back to us every Christmas.

And... I'm gonna miss Bernie.

You know what I can't understand?

Well, one good reason is a tree won't slowly crawl out of the living room.

That's what the Christmas lettuce is for.

I'm gonna miss those things.

Well, hey, buddy, I know Christmas isn't gonna be the same for you,

but it could be just as good.

to the changes in your life and move on.

Thank you for inviting me to share your Christmas.

Well, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Come in.

Hi, uh, we're on our way. We just thought we'd say goodbye.

Well, have a wonderful trip. Oh, we will.

With the storm coming in, the skiing's gonna be terrific.

Yeah, I always heard it was better with snow.

Have a merry Christmas.

Oh, uh, you can't go yet.

It's, uh, mistletoe.

Merry Christmas.

How did you make that happen?

Mistletoe.

You hang it over the door and women have to kiss you.

What a gimmick.

Why don't we hang it up all year long?

Unfortunately, it only works at Christmas.

Then I'm takin' it with us.

Well, you all packed?

Let's go to Madison. Right.

Let me call first.

No point in sitting at the airport if our plane is late.

Hi, yes, I'm just calling to be sure

that Flight 12 to Madison is on time.

What What are you talking about?

Well, yeah, yeah, but it's Christmas Eve.

I mean, people have places to go, I--

Yeah, well, sure.

Merry Christmas.

What is it? The airport is snowed in.

Is that bad?

Our flight's been canceled. We can't get home for Christmas.

Hello, Mom, it's Larry. Hi, Mrs. Appleton.

That's Balki. Mom, we-- She says hello.

Mom, the airport is closed, but don't worry,

we'll be there, I promise, it'll just be a little later.

Uh, Mom, please, whatever you do,

don't let anyone else be the Christmas boy.

Especially Elaine.

You know how much she loves to--

All right, Mom, I'll see you as soon as I can.

Yeah, love you, too.

Cousin, I found the bus companies.

It really is easier when you let your fingers do the walking.

Balki, we're gonna get there.

Yeah, hi, I need your

Yeah, merry Christmas to you too.

I need your next bus to Madison.

The road is closed?

What do you mean, a blizzard?

Cousin, we're running out of ways to get there.

What we going to do?

This is America, we have one of the most sophisticated transportation systems

in the world.

Hi. I'd like to rent a snowplow.

What do you mean, you've given them all to the police?

Your ad says "Serving the public for over 40 years."

I am the public. What? Yeah--

Hello

Great, if I don't get home, Elaine is gonna get to hand out the presents,

and it won't be my turn again until 1995.

Too bad we can't just take your car.

Hmm.

Yes! Yes!

I've got $300 worth of snow tires on my car.

Of course, we'll just drive there.

But, cousin if the... If the plane and the bus can't get there,

how you going to get through with the car?

Balki, blizzards stop wimps.

Not men like us, men with a mission.

Just think, there'll be no traffic. We'll just breeze on in.

Are you sure we can make it? Of course, we can make it.

It's just snow. Right, it's just snow.

* Over the river and through the woods

* To Appletons' house we go *

Come on, come on. Balki?

Balki, what are you doing? Don't stop now, push harder.

Because I'm the better driver.

Is that why we're on the sidewalk?

This car isn't going anywhere till spring. Let's go home.

I can't believe this is happening to me.

They call these snow tires.

We'll be... We're not going to get to Madison.

So we're going to have our Christmas right here in Chicago.

I don't see how. Just watch.

Yeah?

We want a tree.

I'm havin' dinner.

Come on, Balki, the man's eating.

WOMAN: Marvin, in or out, just close the door.

Look, guys, I'd like to help you, but I got nothin' here.

What about that tree?

Balki, when they chopped that tree down,

it was a mercy killing.

I think it will perk up once we put it in water.

Oh, right, let's buy it and throw it in Lake Michigan.

You're in a bad mood, aren't you?

He's leaning in that direction.

Look, you guys want this tree? You got it, it's yours.

I'm freezin' to death out here.

Thank you.

Balki, this will never be a Christmas tree.

Cousin, it's not perfect, but it'll be pretty when it's decorated.

No matter what we do, it's not gonna be Christmas.

It's just not there.

What's not there? The Christmas feeling.

Cousin, you're going to get the Christmas feeling

when we take this home and decorate it.

It'll be beautiful, you'll see.

Fine, you do that.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

I'm goin' for a walk.

I'm going with you. No.

I wanna be alone.

Ho, ho, ho!

I'm Balki Claus. Merry Christmas!

It was the night before Christmas,

and all through the house...

Not a creature was stirring.

Not even a mouse.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear

On Dancer, on Prancer

and on Donna Dixon.

On Comet, on Cupid

on Reagan, on Nixon.

Feel free to jump in any time.

Where did you get that Santa suit?

The same place I got all these great decorations.

Downstairs in our very own Ritz Discount Store.

Look. What do you think?

Think the proper thing to do is to cover the tree with a sheet.

Let it rest in peace.

Of course, it's no Christmas turtle,

but wait till I turn on the lights.

Cover your eyes.

Cover.

Cover.

Okay, okay.

The lights don't work.

They always work in Madison. Okay, wait, wait.

I... There's more.

We're going to have a big Christmas dinner after all.

We've got potato knishes, gefilte fish, matzo ball soup and brisket.

I'm not hungry. Okay.

We sing Christmas carols.

We'll do any of the things you do in Madison.

Balki, you wanna do something to help me celebrate Christmas?

More than anything in the world.

Then leave me alone.

Okay.

Now you're making Balki mad.

I'm busting my buttocks trying to make a nice Christmas for you,

You're acting just like Ebenezer Stooge.

I'm sorry you can't have Christmas at home with your family.

What about me?

Passing the Christmas bota bag, roasting radishes over an open fire.

Roasting radishes?

You're the one that told me that I have

to adjust to changes in my life and move on.

You give real good advice, but when

the table's upside down, you act like a big baby.

Maybe it's time you grow up.

I don't wanna.

Well, you're gonna have-ta.

Just because this Christmas is different doesn't mean it can't be good.

And that's another thing you told me.

Why am I telling this to you?

Balki, I know what you're saying and I know it's true,

but it's just not that easy to let it go.

Maybe you can and I admire you for that, but I can't.

It just doesn't feel like Christmas.

Okay, maybe the feeling will come if we open presents.

No, no, no. We always open the presents on Christmas morning.

Look.

I'm Santa Claus and I say we open the presents now.

Okay.

You can be the Christmas boy.

That's yours.

Hmm...

You go first. Okay.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Oh!

And a Wayne Newton tape.

You read my letter to Santa.

Well, yeah, I did.

Thank you.

Balki, this is beautiful.

I make it myself.

You made this?

I started it the night I come here to America and you took me in.

And every night after you go to sleep I work on it for one hour.

So, happy birthday.

That what we say on Mypos.

Because Christmas is not just Christmas turtles

and presents, it's also the birthday of Baby Jesus.

Yeah, I guess I forgot that too.

But the sheepherders never forget it.

We were the first ones to get the news, you know.

Thank you, Balki. Thank you very much.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I was just remembering a Christmas when I was six years old.

It was the first time that I realized that my dad

buying presents for my mom and saying they were from me wasn't enough.

I wanted to get her something myself, but I didn't have any money,

so I made her a potholder.

And it was really pretty ugly.

But when she saw it, she cried and she hugged me

and she told me it was the nicest Christmas present anybody had ever given her.

And I didn't really understand what she meant, till now.

Balki, this is the nicest present anybody's ever given me.

Oh, wait a minute.

Something's happening.

Yes, there it is.

It's the Christmas feeling. It's back.

The Christmas lights come on.

It's a Christmas miracle.

You know, Balki, I thought I was missing

Christmas with my family and my friends.

But I'm not.

You're here.

CHILDREN: * Lay keeping their sheep

* On a cold winter's night

* That was so deep

* Noel, Noel

* Noel, Noel *

Merry Christmas. Happy birthday.

CHILDREN: * Born is the king of... *