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1
00:00:02,167 --> 00:00:04,234
- papa, i want to play
hide-and-seek.
- okay.
2
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:06,567
- you hide first.
- okay, so hide your eyes--
3
00:00:06,634 --> 00:00:09,467
you hide
in the closet.
4
00:00:09,534 --> 00:00:13,033
- i'm not gonna tell
you where i'm hiding--
- no, hide in the closet, papa.
5
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:14,767
but then
you'll know where--
6
00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:17,234
no!
hide in the closet!
7
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:19,868
( mutters )
i'll hide in the closet.
jesus christ.
8
00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:22,934
one, two, three,
9
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,968
five, 10.
10
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:29,100
oh, papa,
where are you?
11
00:00:29,167 --> 00:00:31,567
papa...?
12
00:00:32,634 --> 00:00:34,934
i found you.
i win!
13
00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:40,200
yeah, wow.
how did you figure out
where you told me to hide?
14
00:00:41,467 --> 00:00:43,501
- that's amazing.
- okay, now i hide.
15
00:00:43,567 --> 00:00:45,601
okay, go ahead.
16
00:00:47,968 --> 00:00:49,968
one, two, three,
four, five,
17
00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:52,167
six, seven, eight,
18
00:00:52,234 --> 00:00:54,167
nine, 10.
19
00:00:54,234 --> 00:00:56,200
okay, i'm gonna find...
you.
20
00:01:01,801 --> 00:01:04,400
i wonder where lucy is.
21
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,367
oh, where could she be?
22
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:09,267
lucy?
23
00:01:09,334 --> 00:01:11,467
- what are you doing?
- i'm looking for lucy.
24
00:01:11,534 --> 00:01:14,300
we're playing
hide-and-seek, but i have
no idea where she is.
25
00:01:14,367 --> 00:01:17,901
oh, well why don't you
look under the table?
26
00:01:17,968 --> 00:01:19,767
all right, let's see.
27
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:22,267
- nope.
- hmm.
28
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:24,234
well, why don't you look
in the cupboard?
29
00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:25,934
all right, i'll look
in the cupboard.
30
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,634
why would she be
up there?
31
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:29,534
obviously i mean the one
under the sink.
32
00:01:29,601 --> 00:01:32,133
( sighs )
33
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,133
louie, that has shelves in it.
she wouldn't fit.
34
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,801
she could tuck herself
in there.
35
00:01:35,868 --> 00:01:37,734
no, she's not
four inches tall.
36
00:01:37,801 --> 00:01:39,968
- what?
she could fit in there.
- she wouldn't fit.
37
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,434
- look in the other cupboard!
- wait a minute!
38
00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:45,434
we're actually fighting
about where to look
for this kid
39
00:01:45,501 --> 00:01:47,167
who's standing here
in plain sight.
40
00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:49,934
no, i was hiding!
41
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,100
( crying )
42
00:01:52,167 --> 00:01:54,200
oh, i didn't see you.
43
00:01:54,267 --> 00:01:56,200
what? she sucks
at hide-and-seek.
44
00:01:56,267 --> 00:01:59,267
( theme music playing )
45
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,767
pamela adlon:
"lucky louie" was tapedbefore a live audience.
46
00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:10,434
hey, thanks for letting me
use your shower.
�� лл������ϴ��
47
00:03:10,501 --> 00:03:12,801
it's all right, jerry.
it just can't happen
every day.
��˵ Jerry ֻ����������������
48
00:03:12,868 --> 00:03:15,701
no no, it's just today.
i've got some meat
in the tub.
49
00:03:17,534 --> 00:03:19,367
okay, well that's fine.
50
00:03:27,801 --> 00:03:30,234
- see you later.
- ( shaky ) all right.
51
00:03:41,100 --> 00:03:43,334
you're never gonna believe
what just happened to me.
����Զ�������������Ϸ�����ʲô
52
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,667
you're not gonna believe
what just happened to me.
�㲻�����������Ϸ�����ʲô
53
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,734
- i was mugged!
- oh my god, are you okay?!
- �ұ�����
- �ҵ��� ��û�°�
54
00:03:49,801 --> 00:03:52,934
yeah, i'm okay.
i'm fine!
û�� ��û��
55
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,634
son of a bitch.
who gets mugged at 2:00
in the afternoon?!
���B�� ˭���������ӱ�����
56
00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:59,000
- what happened?
- well...
- ��ô�ˣ�
- �������
57
00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:01,167
i was a couple blocks away
from the hospital,
������ҽԺ�����������ĵط�
58
00:04:01,234 --> 00:04:03,667
and this guy jumps out
from behind this van!
����һ�����ij�����������
59
00:04:03,734 --> 00:04:06,367
- shit!
- it all happened so fast.
- ��
- ̫ͻȻ��
60
00:04:06,434 --> 00:04:08,934
this 16-year-old crackhead
comes at me.
61
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,300
i screamed.
he grabbed my purse.
62
00:04:11,367 --> 00:04:13,601
- i held on!
- you held on?
what, are you crazy?
63
00:04:13,667 --> 00:04:15,634
- you let go.
- fuck him!
64
00:04:15,701 --> 00:04:17,534
i'm not gonna let him
take my bag.
65
00:04:17,601 --> 00:04:19,467
anyway, he's pulling
on it really hard
66
00:04:19,534 --> 00:04:21,501
and i'm pulling back.
we're in this tug of war.
67
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,133
we're eyeball to eyeball!
68
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,834
and he's yelling right at me,
"let go of the bag, bitch!"
69
00:04:25,901 --> 00:04:29,367
and i'm yelling right back
at him, "fuck you! it's mine,
you dirty crackhead!"
70
00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:34,400
you did everything wrong!
71
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:36,067
he could have killed you!
72
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:38,667
he was just
a punk kid trying to pull
a snatch 'n' run.
73
00:04:38,734 --> 00:04:41,234
even if he was a kid,
it doesn't mean he's
not dangerous.
74
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,234
kids that do that, they--
they're desperate.
75
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,200
they're poor.
they have nothing,
so they steal.
76
00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:47,100
who gives a shit
if he's poor?
77
00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:48,734
- look at this giant bruise!
- oh my god!
78
00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:51,067
you said you were okay.
when did that happen?
79
00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:52,767
during the kick fight.
80
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:55,133
the little bastard,
he got me in the thigh,
81
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,767
but i nailed both
of his kneecaps.
82
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:58,734
jeez.
what, are you crazy?
83
00:04:58,801 --> 00:05:00,701
it was this raw
battle of wills,
84
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,701
neither of us
willing to lose,
to let go the bag.
85
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,701
it was a duel!
86
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:07,534
until the strap broke
87
00:05:07,601 --> 00:05:09,634
and the crackhead
got my purse.
88
00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:11,267
well, who cares
about your purse?
89
00:05:11,334 --> 00:05:13,033
just thank god you're okay
and it's over.
90
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,400
( sighs )
it's not over.
91
00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,901
'cause i got
the punk's wallet.
92
00:05:22,033 --> 00:05:24,834
- you got his wallet?
- yeah, it dropped
out of the back
93
00:05:24,901 --> 00:05:26,801
of his idiotic
oversized pants!
94
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:29,067
i'm gonna find where he lives
and get my shit back.
95
00:05:29,133 --> 00:05:30,701
what are you
talking about?
96
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:33,133
check this out:
school i.d.:
97
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,968
jason plumbley,
537 center street.
98
00:05:37,033 --> 00:05:39,667
duh. i'm coming
for you, asswipe.
99
00:05:39,734 --> 00:05:41,667
wait-- wait a minute.
100
00:05:41,734 --> 00:05:43,300
you're not coming
for anybody.
101
00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:44,968
that's not how
you handle this.
102
00:05:45,033 --> 00:05:47,901
i'm gonna call the police.
just settle down,
you lunatic.
103
00:05:49,701 --> 00:05:52,501
you were a victim today.
start acting like one.
104
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:54,634
cry or something.
shit.
105
00:05:55,667 --> 00:05:58,601
( phone rings )
106
00:05:58,667 --> 00:06:00,901
- city desk.
- hi, i need to report
a mugging.
107
00:06:00,968 --> 00:06:02,767
my wife
was just mugged.
108
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:05,400
she's all right,
but it was this kid,
he took her purse.
109
00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:07,334
- did he have a weapon?
- did he have a weapon?
110
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,167
no, but tell him
about the duel.
111
00:06:09,234 --> 00:06:11,167
no, no weapon.
112
00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:13,133
how much money
was stolen?
113
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,968
- how much money did he get?
- uh, about three buck
114
00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:19,133
hne $
youtf the
yesty?
115
00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,534
well, i owed tina $10
and i bought some stuff.
116
00:06:21,601 --> 00:06:24,400
what difference
does it make? he just
would have gotten more!
117
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:28,067
- roughly $3.
- uh-huh.
118
00:06:29,767 --> 00:06:31,400
so...
119
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:34,200
well, sir, you're entitled
to come down to the station
120
00:06:34,267 --> 00:06:36,701
and fill out a report
and we'll file it.
121
00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:38,767
aw, you're not gonna
do shit, are you?
122
00:06:38,834 --> 00:06:40,801
you're entitled to come
down to the station
123
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,534
and fill out a report.
124
00:06:42,601 --> 00:06:45,467
could you at least just say,
"no, we're not gonna
do anything"?
125
00:06:45,534 --> 00:06:48,100
- these calls
are recorded, sir.
- yeah, all right.
126
00:06:50,033 --> 00:06:51,968
gimme that.
127
00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:53,767
got his number
right here.
128
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:58,934
- ( phone rings )
- hello?
129
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,901
hello, crackhead!
130
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,067
what?!
who is this?
131
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:07,000
i want my purse back,
crackhead!
132
00:07:07,067 --> 00:07:10,434
is this bitch?
133
00:07:10,501 --> 00:07:12,868
you better give me back
my wallet or i'll mess you up.
134
00:07:12,934 --> 00:07:14,868
i want my bag back,
jackass.
135
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,100
i had over 100 bucks
worth of makeup in there.
136
00:07:17,167 --> 00:07:19,667
yeah, you need so much makeup
'cause you one ugly bitch!
137
00:07:21,334 --> 00:07:24,000
jason, who is that
you're talking to like that?!
138
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:28,100
hello?
139
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:30,300
this is jason's grandmother.
who is this?
140
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,868
uh, hi.
i'm kim.
141
00:07:32,934 --> 00:07:35,133
jason and i met
earlier today
142
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:37,133
- when he mugged me.
- what?
143
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,267
what'd i tell you
about mugging people?!
144
00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:44,133
you come right over
to get your belongings,
sweetie.
145
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:47,100
okay. thanks.
146
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,334
um, oh! could you please
give me directions
to your house?
147
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,501
oh, i'm no goodwith my lefts and my rights.
148
00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:54,534
( sternly )
help the lady.
149
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,267
yeah?!
150
00:08:00,334 --> 00:08:02,534
i'm coming
from the south side.
151
00:08:02,601 --> 00:08:04,267
how do i get to your house,
asshole?
152
00:08:04,334 --> 00:08:07,334
take your fat ass
down parking street
to east center.
153
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,434
is that the left before
the cemetery, fuckhead?
154
00:08:10,501 --> 00:08:13,901
no, you dumb bitch!
it's way past that.
155
00:08:13,968 --> 00:08:15,767
you know,
where 7-eleven is at.
156
00:08:15,834 --> 00:08:18,534
uh, where they put in
the new traffic lights?
157
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:20,100
yeah, used to be a hardee's.
158
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,934
yeah, when did they
change that over?
159
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,634
uh, beginning
of the summer.
160
00:08:24,701 --> 00:08:26,734
okay, i'm coming,
crackhead!
161
00:08:26,801 --> 00:08:28,667
i'll be waiting, bitch!
162
00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:30,734
we're not going over there.
163
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,601
- we're going over there.
- ( sighs )
164
00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:35,501
if it gets ugly,
i'll get the kid,
you take grandma.
165
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:43,634
( doorbell rings )
166
00:08:43,701 --> 00:08:46,200
hi. we called earlier
about the mugging.
167
00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:49,767
oh, of course.
come on in.
168
00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:52,367
why don't you
sit down?
169
00:08:52,434 --> 00:08:54,834
i defrosted a lemon ring.
170
00:08:57,133 --> 00:09:00,400
- yeah, maybe we could
just get her stuff.
- ofourse.
171
00:09:00,467 --> 00:09:02,634
( sternly )
jason, get up and get
the lady her purse!
172
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:05,834
- okay, jeez.
- i'm very sorry.
173
00:09:05,901 --> 00:09:07,567
i don't know what's
wrong with this one.
174
00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:14,200
you got my wallet.
175
00:09:14,267 --> 00:09:16,300
( huffs )
176
00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:27,601
okay, good.
let's go.
177
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,267
uh...
178
00:09:29,334 --> 00:09:31,300
i would like
an apology.
179
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,968
i'm very sorry.
180
00:09:40,033 --> 00:09:42,000
i never should have
overpowered you
181
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,868
- and taken your purse.
- where is your retainer?!
182
00:09:44,934 --> 00:09:47,033
- it's right here, grandma.
- well, put it on!
183
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:53,067
it was so very nice
to meet the both of you.
184
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,534
you thought you'd beat up
on a woman,
185
00:09:59,601 --> 00:10:02,067
only i beat your ass,
loser.
186
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:04,868
- okay, come on.
- you'd better leave
or i'll cut you, bitch.
187
00:10:04,934 --> 00:10:07,534
- please, don't
antagonize her.
- oh, shut up, fag!
188
00:10:07,601 --> 00:10:09,501
i'll cut you both.
189
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,801
with what,
your retainer?
190
00:10:16,601 --> 00:10:18,334
you see, though?
i was right.
191
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,300
he's not a victim of society.
he's just some spoiled brat.
192
00:10:21,367 --> 00:10:24,901
- yeah, i guess you're right.
- we schooled that punk.
193
00:10:24,968 --> 00:10:27,300
- yeah.
- thinks he can
mess with me.
194
00:10:27,367 --> 00:10:29,367
i gotta piss.
lease go in now?
195
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,734
- i can't find my keys.
- oh, what?
196
00:10:36,167 --> 00:10:37,834
oh my god.
that punk,
197
00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:39,834
he must have
taken my keys!
198
00:10:39,901 --> 00:10:41,834
- are you kidding?
- i don't know!
199
00:10:41,901 --> 00:10:44,701
they're not here!
he must have them.
200
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:47,133
well, maybe they fell out
of your purse.
201
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,133
look, could you just
please try to stay calm?
202
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,968
- jason: hello?
- listen, you little
crooked-toothed shit
203
00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:55,434
i know you've got my keys!
don't bother to lie!
204
00:10:55,501 --> 00:10:58,367
- i want 'em back now!
- ( laughing ) nope.
205
00:11:00,934 --> 00:11:04,167
put your grandmother
on the phone!
206
00:11:04,234 --> 00:11:06,167
aw, sorry,
207
00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:08,167
but grandma
took a tylenol p.m.
208
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:10,400
she'll be out
till morning.
209
00:11:11,901 --> 00:11:13,601
i want my keys back.
210
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,534
oh, you'll be
getting 'em back.
211
00:11:15,601 --> 00:11:18,067
me and a few of my friends'll
be dropping 'em by.
212
00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:20,634
oh, and don't worry.
213
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:22,400
we know where you live.
214
00:11:22,467 --> 00:11:24,367
we don't need directions.
215
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,234
( louie clears throat )
216
00:11:30,267 --> 00:11:32,467
we better get
the locks changed.
217
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,133
this is good.
218
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,667
you took a simple mugging
219
00:11:35,734 --> 00:11:37,534
and you upgraded it
to a double murder.
220
00:11:44,868 --> 00:11:46,801
oh good, you put
the new lock in?
221
00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:48,734
who said anything
about a new lock?
222
00:11:48,801 --> 00:11:52,334
i'm switching out your lock
with that colored guy's
across the hall.
223
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,534
- his name is walter.
- yeah, whatever.
224
00:11:56,334 --> 00:11:57,934
what are you taking off
the whole door?
225
00:11:58,033 --> 00:12:01,000
the locks are fused on
from being painted over
so many times.
226
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,701
it's just easier
to switch the doors.
227
00:12:04,334 --> 00:12:06,767
yeah, but wait a minute.
now walter's gonna be
apartment 3d
228
00:12:06,834 --> 00:12:08,534
and they'll just come in
and break into his place.
229
00:12:08,601 --> 00:12:11,167
what, are you guys
fucking each other?
who gives a shit.
230
00:12:12,834 --> 00:12:14,934
come on!
231
00:12:16,534 --> 00:12:19,801
fine, jesus.
relax, will you?
i got it all under control.
232
00:12:19,868 --> 00:12:22,701
look, we got
another building
with apartment 3d.
233
00:12:22,767 --> 00:12:25,734
we'll take their door
and give them yours.
what do you say?
234
00:12:25,801 --> 00:12:27,767
are you
coming right back
with the door?
235
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:29,934
yeah,
i'll call you.
236
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,901
this building sucks!
237
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,033
- argh!
- you okay?
238
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:48,100
yeah, i just--
i didn't hear you come in
with the no-door there.
239
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,434
oh yeah!
240
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:55,133
hey, it's good you had
that ripped out.
241
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,934
i always hated
that thing.
242
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,167
doors, you know,
all these doors--
243
00:13:00,234 --> 00:13:03,767
doors are the blockages
of truth, you know?
244
00:13:03,834 --> 00:13:06,501
it's like
i'm coming to see you.
245
00:13:06,567 --> 00:13:08,467
i've got coming-to-see-you energy.
246
00:13:08,534 --> 00:13:11,801
with my eyes,
i don't need to see wood.
i want to see you.
247
00:13:11,868 --> 00:13:14,801
my eyes, you!
your eyes, mine!
248
00:13:14,868 --> 00:13:17,467
you sit at your table
and you sit, and say--
249
00:13:17,534 --> 00:13:21,067
i got family,
i got noodles in boxes,
cereal in boxes.
250
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,467
everything is
in a box.
251
00:13:22,534 --> 00:13:25,200
you don't know
you need a surprise.
you need my energy
252
00:13:25,267 --> 00:13:27,567
coming in.
your energy
seeing me.
253
00:13:27,634 --> 00:13:29,868
it's like life.
you're living
your life.
254
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,434
otherwise it's just--
you meter out your
friendship.
255
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,400
you meter
the fucking shit out.
256
00:13:34,467 --> 00:13:36,601
you are like,
"oh, a little bit,
maybe i should let him in.
257
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:39,133
i don't know--
what do i think
of him?"
258
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,467
you know?
but if i just
come in,
259
00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:43,501
i just come in,
you see me.
260
00:13:43,567 --> 00:13:47,300
it's seeing energy;
it's hurled back
and forth.
261
00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:49,868
it's thrust,
energy thrust.
262
00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:52,334
doors block
the thrust of life.
263
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,067
i know this man,
i know this.
264
00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:57,334
it's doors.
doors are bullshit.
it's doors.
265
00:14:05,667 --> 00:14:08,100
- can i take a shower?
- no, man, it's not
a good time.
266
00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:14,701
did you talk
to nick?
267
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:16,968
yeah, we're not
getting our door
tonight.
268
00:14:17,033 --> 00:14:19,400
he suggested
we hang some beads.
269
00:14:21,868 --> 00:14:24,968
i talked to tina
and she said lucy can stay
over there tonight.
270
00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:26,734
where were we
staying?
271
00:14:26,801 --> 00:14:29,434
here.
we got to protect
our stuff.
272
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:32,133
what stuff?
there's nothing
in here.
273
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,400
nothing in here
worth more than $18.
274
00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:37,367
it's not about the money.
these are our things.
275
00:14:37,434 --> 00:14:40,300
like this bowl.
i love this bowl.
276
00:14:40,367 --> 00:14:42,300
what's so great
about that bowl?
277
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:45,868
i don't know.
it's our blue bowl.
278
00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:48,267
i make pancakes
in it.
279
00:14:48,334 --> 00:14:50,234
we eat salad
out of it.
280
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:53,767
i yelled at you
when you soaked
your foot in it.
281
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,501
it's our blue bowl
and they're not
getting it.
282
00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:58,701
when's the last
time you made pancakes?
283
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,634
look, if you don't care
you go sleep at tina's
284
00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,601
and i'll stay here
and deal with jason
and his friends myself.
285
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:07,334
do we have
a baseball bat?
286
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,000
kim, you are
being ridiculous.
i can't let you stay here.
287
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:13,033
i'm not leaving
my home open.
288
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:14,868
all right, fuck it.
i'll stay.
289
00:15:14,934 --> 00:15:17,200
really?
you sure?
290
00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:19,467
you're a foot tall.
291
00:15:21,033 --> 00:15:23,033
obviously,
i'm the one
who should stay.
292
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,334
i'll guard our home
against jason
and the crackheads.
293
00:15:28,501 --> 00:15:31,033
look at you,
all tough.
294
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,634
no one is going
to mess with you.
295
00:15:33,701 --> 00:15:35,834
you're a bad ass.
296
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:39,701
don't try to make this
out to be a good idea,
because it's not.
297
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:41,934
hey, you can
call your friends,
have them over,
298
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000
order some pizza.
you get a free
guys night.
299
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:45,701
okay.
just go.
300
00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:48,100
lucy, come on.
we're going to tina's.
301
00:15:48,167 --> 00:15:51,133
i'm gonna bring my kyla doll
and my mr. chipmunk and my
circus coloring book.
302
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,400
lucy, we're only
going for one night.
303
00:15:53,467 --> 00:15:55,133
and my red shoes--
304
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,234
and that's it.
come on.
305
00:15:58,334 --> 00:16:00,033
papa, we're going
to a sleepover.
306
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:03,534
- okay. have fun.
- we will have fun.
307
00:16:05,934 --> 00:16:07,901
all right.
see you in the morning.
maybe.
308
00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:10,100
bye, papa.
309
00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:15,467
thanks.
bad ass.
310
00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:26,667
put that away, man.
311
00:16:26,734 --> 00:16:29,501
what?
safety's on.
312
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,834
oh.
now it's on.
313
00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:37,100
i told you not
to bring a gun.
314
00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,667
wait--
now it's on.
315
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,801
rich, we're not
going to need that.
316
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:45,467
why, 'cause you got
your pepper spray?
317
00:16:48,434 --> 00:16:51,334
what do you think
you're going to do with that?
stop a date rape?
318
00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:55,434
- it's just a deterrent.
- barely.
319
00:16:55,501 --> 00:16:57,767
it stings
for 10 minutes and you're
right back in business.
320
00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:02,534
give him a break.
the man is trying
to protect his home.
321
00:17:02,601 --> 00:17:06,100
here.
you might want to tuck
this back in your bra.
322
00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:08,167
( both laughing )
323
00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:12,801
faggot.
324
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,234
shut up,
assholes.
325
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:18,000
hey, what happened
to your door?
326
00:17:21,868 --> 00:17:23,901
hey, walter.
327
00:17:23,968 --> 00:17:26,968
jesus.
you scared the tinkle
out of us.
328
00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:30,934
come on in.
329
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,100
yeah.
maybe i won't.
330
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:35,534
come on in, walter.
what are you doing up?
331
00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:37,534
working late.
332
00:17:37,601 --> 00:17:39,467
all the more reason
to grab a beer.
333
00:17:39,534 --> 00:17:41,334
seriously, man,
come on, sit down.
334
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,868
okay.
what happened
to your door?
335
00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:47,200
my wife, she got in a fight
with a mugger
336
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:50,701
and the guy took her keys.
so long story short, the super
took the door.
337
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:53,334
this building sucks.
we complained
338
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,434
that we had a window
that rattled a little.
339
00:17:55,501 --> 00:17:57,801
he came over
and bricked it up.
340
00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:05,534
anyway, we're all here
guarding my crap
341
00:18:05,601 --> 00:18:08,901
because my wife fought a mugger
for $3 and some eyeliner.
342
00:18:08,968 --> 00:18:11,734
wait. kim got mugged
by a transvestite?
343
00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:16,934
no.
some kid.
344
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,000
she could have let him go,
but she made this thing
out of it.
345
00:18:20,801 --> 00:18:23,200
this one time,
ellen started to
fight with this guy
346
00:18:23,267 --> 00:18:25,801
over a parking space.
she jumped out
of the car,
347
00:18:25,868 --> 00:18:28,434
gets all
in the guy's face.
starts cussing him out.
348
00:18:28,501 --> 00:18:30,334
so then the guy
gets out of his car
349
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,367
and points
a big ass gun at her.
350
00:18:32,434 --> 00:18:35,501
- what did you do?
- what do you think? i gave
him the parking space.
351
00:18:38,901 --> 00:18:41,601
she still gives me
shit over it.
352
00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:44,534
yeah.
ontime i took tina
ice skating.
353
00:18:44,601 --> 00:18:47,968
she loves to skate.
she's pretty good
at it too.
354
00:18:48,033 --> 00:18:51,467
i must have watched
her skate for two hours.
355
00:18:51,534 --> 00:18:54,801
anyways, we went home
and we made love all night.
356
00:19:00,834 --> 00:19:03,100
what? we're talking
about our wives, right?
357
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,133
my wife
doesn't skate.
358
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,934
oh, lighten up.
kim is great.
359
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,434
so she stood up for herself.
she's a tough gal.
360
00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:14,133
a scrapper.
she doesn't back down
when she thinks she's right.
361
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,534
and that deserves
your respect instead of--
362
00:19:17,934 --> 00:19:20,067
whoa! jesus christ!
was that you?
363
00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:22,634
- argh!
- oh, come on, man!
364
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:26,033
- argh!
- wow!
365
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,133
lou.
wow!
366
00:19:30,167 --> 00:19:33,133
come on.
i got no door
so my stomach got nervous.
367
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,767
then your ass
must be terrified.
368
00:19:37,033 --> 00:19:39,234
- oh!
- no!
369
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,501
jesus, fuck!
th's pepper spray.
370
00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:43,701
don't panic.
don't panic.
371
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:47,501
you got to piss
on a rag and put it
over your eyes.
372
00:19:47,567 --> 00:19:50,133
- that's it for me.
- yeah. me too.
373
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,634
come on, guys.
i don't want to be
here all alone.
374
00:19:52,701 --> 00:19:55,133
seriously, lou,
see an ass doctor.
375
00:20:32,868 --> 00:20:34,567
( gasps )
376
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,834
oh my god!
377
00:20:38,367 --> 00:20:40,367
oh, hey.
378
00:20:41,801 --> 00:20:43,200
are you okay?
379
00:20:43,267 --> 00:20:46,367
yeah, yeah,
i'm fine.
380
00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,267
wow.
381
00:20:50,133 --> 00:20:52,601
shit.
382
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,367
- what happened?
- ( clears throat )
383
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:57,133
well, i farted...
384
00:20:58,334 --> 00:21:01,267
so everybody left.
and then i fell asleep.
385
00:21:01,334 --> 00:21:03,367
but, hey, i saved
the blue bowl.
386
00:21:05,033 --> 00:21:08,234
you slept through
all of this?
387
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,167
well, no.
not exactly.
388
00:21:10,234 --> 00:21:12,534
i was asleep
when they came in--
389
00:21:12,601 --> 00:21:15,400
and i woke up by pretending
to still be asleep.
390
00:21:17,267 --> 00:21:19,467
i could hear them
vandalizing the place,
391
00:21:19,534 --> 00:21:21,534
but it was taking
kind of a long time so
392
00:21:21,601 --> 00:21:23,634
i guess
i fell back asleep.
393
00:21:26,534 --> 00:21:29,100
damn it!
i knew i should have been
the one to stay.
394
00:21:29,167 --> 00:21:31,467
- i can't believe you!
- what?
395
00:21:31,534 --> 00:21:34,801
some punks come in,
wreck our home and you
don't do anything?
396
00:21:34,868 --> 00:21:36,968
hey, i'm okay.
397
00:21:37,033 --> 00:21:40,334
nothing happened to me.
maybe that's what you should
be focused on right now.
398
00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:52,300
oh my god.
fag.
399
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:56,701
yeah, all right.
i don't care if you
call me that.
400
00:21:56,767 --> 00:21:59,834
that's fine.
that's what i am.
401
00:21:59,901 --> 00:22:01,968
if what i did tonight
makes me a fag,
402
00:22:02,033 --> 00:22:03,968
then--
then i'm a fag.
403
00:22:04,033 --> 00:22:06,534
but you know what?
i'd rather be a live fag
404
00:22:06,601 --> 00:22:08,701
than a dead bitch.
405
00:22:10,033 --> 00:22:13,501
no.
they spray-painted
"fag" on your shirt.
406
00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:16,133
oh, shit!
407
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,000
look what
you did!
408
00:22:18,067 --> 00:22:20,234
what do you mean
what i did?
409
00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:23,234
if you had
let go of that purse
you would have lost $3.
410
00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:25,901
and instead
we got all of this.
was it worth it?
411
00:22:25,968 --> 00:22:28,300
hey, i just wanted
to protect our home.
412
00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:31,801
it's a shitty home.
it's a rental.
413
00:22:31,868 --> 00:22:34,234
this is the only art
we have on the walls.
414
00:22:36,634 --> 00:22:40,200
look, if i was here,
i would have fought
those fuckers.
415
00:22:40,267 --> 00:22:42,400
good idea, kim, great.
maybe you are right.
416
00:22:42,467 --> 00:22:44,701
maybe you should have stayed,
fought everybody.
417
00:22:44,767 --> 00:22:47,033
maybe instead
of a bruise you would
have gotten killed.
418
00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:49,767
then i can tell lucy
that it's okay she doesn't
have a mommy,
419
00:22:49,834 --> 00:22:51,834
'cause she's got
a blue bowl.
420
00:22:54,834 --> 00:22:56,834
( sighs )
421
00:23:00,567 --> 00:23:02,501
i'm sorry.
422
00:23:02,567 --> 00:23:04,467
it's all right.
423
00:23:04,534 --> 00:23:06,934
it's just hard for me
to let them get away
with it.
424
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,734
i don't like people
fucking with me.
425
00:23:10,801 --> 00:23:12,834
i get that.
426
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,267
believe me.
listen...
427
00:23:19,133 --> 00:23:21,133
if anybody ever really
tried to hurt you
428
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,434
or lucy, they're dead
where they walk.
429
00:23:31,367 --> 00:23:33,534
thanks, bad ass.
430
00:23:34,634 --> 00:23:37,100
- ( door slams )
- oh shit.
431
00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:39,501
oh my god,
they're still here.
432
00:23:42,601 --> 00:23:44,634
what did we
just talk about?
433
00:23:44,701 --> 00:23:47,300
- all right.
- be a fag, not a bitch.
434
00:23:48,834 --> 00:23:50,934
wait.
let me get this.
435
00:23:55,267 --> 00:23:57,234
well, they can't steal
that now.
436
00:24:15,434 --> 00:24:18,167
( theme music playing )
437
00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:29,167
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