All language subtitles for Life in Pieces s04e05_English

♪

ALISSA:
Everything looks good.

-Do you want to know the sex?
-No, no.

We agreed
we didn't want to find out.

It was just so much fun
the first time, you know,

except for the labor
and then having

to put all the pieces of thepuzzle back together down there.

Yeah, doesn't matter to
us-- a boy, a girl, boy.

All that matters is
that the baby is healthy.

Healthy baby. I mean, a boy
would give us one of each,

and variety is the spice of
life, but no variety-- that...

Well, girls like hockey, too.

All right, hoist me up.

I haven't peed in ten minutes,
and I may not make it.

-Oh, there she blows. Okay.
-There you go.

[printer whirring, door closes]

And here are the pictures
of your sonogram.

Oh, you don't want this one.

That's a full-frontal.
[chuckles]

It's the first time I haven'twanted to look at full-frontal.

I am sorry. That, um...

That was very inappropriate.

Well, I'm impressed.

Most dads who already have girls
want to know.

GREG:
Well, I'm not most dads.

Yup. I'm, uh,
pretty evolved, Alissa,

except for that whole
full-frontal joke.

It's very out of character
for me, but you just look

like the kind of girl
I could fool around with.

Oh, my gosh, I've made it worse.

Wow!

[sighs]

[toilet flushing]

Just saw myself in the mirror,
so, heads up--

might cry on the way home,
or rage.

It's gonna be
a game-time decision.

Well, I appreciate the heads-up.

Do you have the parking ticket
to get validated?

Yeah, I do. Just got it
right here in... my pocket.

What are you doing?

Oh, uh, n-nothing.
I'm just, um...

just... hiding an erection.
[chuckles]

Hi, Alissa.

We can never come back here.

Wow. Look who ate
all her broccoli.

Well, I didn't look.

-Huh?
-What?

I just said Lark ate
all her broccoli.

Oh. Hey!

Well, that is... great.

That is really great.

High five. Yeah!

[screams] God!
No, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, damn it!

Yeah. No,
you are right to panic.

Nothing gets water out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What do you think you're doing?

Okay, what is going on
with you, dude?

Did you get fired?
Because I can handle it.

You just need to tell me.

No, I did not get fired.

Okay, good, because
we're about to have a baby,

and I could not handle that.

So, what is the deal?

I stole the sonogram
that shows the sex of our kid,

and I put it in the pockets of
those jeans like a real jerk.

Greg. You promised.

I know, but I-I did not
look at it, okay?

I swear.
It's tearing me apart.

Just get rid of it.
Please just throw it away.

I don't ever want to see itagain, unless you want to look.

Greg, we agreed
we want to be surprised.

I mean, right?
Plus, I thought we don't care.

-We don't care.
-No. We just want
a healthy baby.

-Healthy baby.
-Okay, so...

Thank you. Thank you.

Wow. You are...

so strong, you know.

I-I hope that's a quality
our son will have.

Or daughter.

Healthy baby.

Hey, Greg.

I changed my mind.

-Let's look.
-Yes!

All right, I'll get
it out of the trash.

Honey, I already did.
I taped it back together.

-And also, I want it
to be a boy.
-You do?

Yeah, I know you're notsupposed to say stuff like that,

but I can't help it, you know?

I just think you would raise
such an amazing son,

and the world needs good men.

-That is so sweet.
-[sighs]

Now show me some penis.

Aw, Greg.

Wow. Will you look at that?

[chuckles]

You can't tell, either, huh?

Uh, no clue.

TIM:
It's a boy.

Really? Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm a doctor.
See? There's the dong.

-Yes!
-[gasps] Yes, it's a boy.

It's a boy.
We're having a boy.

Congratulations, man.

Oh, thanks.
And, hey, really great

that you're having a girl,
you know?

Have fun at ballet.
[chuckles]

Dude, you have a daughter.

Yeah, but now I have a son.

I have one of each.
Perfect family, so eat it.

Okay, just so we're clear,

-healthy baby is most
important, right?
-Oh.

Healthy boy is just
like icing on the cake.

-Totally.
-Right.

Uh, where is Alissa?

She said you might ask
about her.

Do you guys want
to know the sex?

Uh, sure. Yeah.

You can tell us.

What the heck?
Right, Greg?

Yeah, sure.
[chuckles]

You know, I'm actually glad
that it's you,

'cause I couldn't do that
to Alissa.

Okay, well, she looks great.

She?

Is this like one of
those boat situations

where just you call it "she"
no matter what?

Yeah, because we had an actual
doctor tell us it was a boy.

Yeah, look, look.
We have a picture.

See? There's the peen.

What? Oh, what is this?
Did you get this wet?

Uh, [scoffs] no,
but water doesn't stain.

Uh, it's a girl.
Do you want another picture?

No, no.
We get the gist. Thanks.

All right. Well, guys,
congratulations again.

I got to run
to my son's hockey game.

Can't miss that.
He's my best friend.

[sighs]

Well, all that matters
is that she's healthy.

-Healthy baby girl.
-[laughs]

Could've sworn that was peen.

Been really worried
since Dad almost died,

and I'm not sure what he'll be
around for, and what...

-Oh, cool, a froggy!
-Yeah.

We had to dodge traffic
to pick him up

before a car could smush him.

Yeah, I ran into the street
thinking that he was a dollar.

[gasps] That's so sweet.
This frog needed help,

and you're giving it the love
and care it needs.

I'll keep him in the toilet.

No! We have to put him somewherethat feels like its home.

Or we can just take turns
holding him.

Or her.

[frog croaks quietly]

There are no answers here.

Uh-uh.

-[frog croaks quietly]
-ALL: Aw.

[giggles]

I knew my fish died
for a reason.

Yeah, because
you forgot to feed it.

Well, I won't make that
mistake a third time.

Okay, well, it looks like
he's a yellow-brown coqui.

-Aw.
-He's so sweet.

I feel like he's my baby.

This must be what it's like
to be a mother.

-Mm-hmm.
-Okay, we have to kill it.

-What?
-'Scuse me?

It says right here on
the Fish and Wildlife website.

"The yellow-brown coqui

"is an invasive species
capable of destroying

"the California ecosystem.

If you come into contact
with one, exterminate it."

-What?
-What?

We have to kill Michael?

You named the frog afterwe found out we had to kill it?

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We are not killing Michael.
-[chuckles]: Yeah.

We'll just keep him as a pet.
Nobody has to know.

No. It says that it's illegal
to keep him as a pet

because he might escape.

That's crazy.
How can he escape?

He's just a...

Where did he go?

Guys, nobody move.

This would be
such a cute picture.

What?

Ready?

One, two, three.

-Where's Michael?
-[camera clicks]

What you doing?

I'm looking for Michael.

Oh, honey, I told you.
Michael was allergic to bees.

He's not coming back.

He's not in the car.

Car? Sam, I feel like
you're not even looking.

Because I don't want
to kill him.

I got him! [gasps]

He was halfway down
the garbage disposal.

He could've died, you guys.

Then why did you save him?

Because I forgot
what we were doing.

None of us want to kill him,

but it's either him
or the environment.

So the question is:which one of us is gonna do it?

Yeah, we're not doing that.

Yeah, it's your pet; it'syour responsibility to kill it.

Just call animal control.
They'll take care of it.

We did.
They said they were too busy

to come take care of one frog.

The guy was screaming
about some sort of zoo escape.

Yeah, I told you
I saw a jaguar, Joanie.

I think frogs die
if you take off their legs.

GREG:
I don't envy you kids.

You know, I had to kill
a baby possum once.

Yeah. Drowned it in a bucket.

Oh, dear!
Why would you do that?

I had to.

Was it injured?

No, no, but it was a possum.

Guys, I had to.

You hadto?

[slowly]:
Yes.

Well, I guess we'll do it
ourselves, then.

Hi! Hey, you want to go play
with your cousins?

What are you guys up to?

We're gonna kill this cute
little froggy right now.

-You want to come?
-You know what?

How 'bout, uh, we have a littleextra screen time today?

Huh?

[exhaling sharply]

Okay.

W... Are we sure
this is a good idea?

Yes. We all drop our bricks
at the same time.

That way, nobody knows
who's killing the frog.

It's like a firing squad.

Especially for you, Tyler.

Oh, come on!

Okay, so nobody knows who
has the frog bag, right?

Nope. But I know who doesn't
have it: me, Sam and Clem.

Sophia!

Okay, so now nobody knows,
right?

Okay.

Three...

...two,

-one...
-No, wait.

[groans]

Can we just

say something nice
about Michael first?

It's not his fault
he's invasive.

He's laying his life down
to help the Earth.

So, thank you, Michael.

That was so sweet.

SOPHIA:
Yeah.

Oh, make sure you throw
your bricks down really hard.

You got to smash the brain.

-[sighs]
-Good note.

-Mm-hmm.
-Here we go.

Three,

two,

one.

[all gasp]

At least it's over.

Yeah. Yeah,
but I'm really proud of us.

Okay. Full disclosure:

I lost the frog
when I was changing the bags.

-What?
-What?

Do you think he's gonna be okayout there?

Yes. That's the problem.
He's going to thrive.

SPORTS COMMENTATOR: And to think that, in the first round,

this team was on the verge
of elimination,

and now in the finals, they are seconds away from a historic...

You know, my heart attack made
me realize just how lucky I am

-to have you.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You keep telling me that.

I could never rub you enough.

No, you could. You could, Tim.
You-you have.

Down low to Morehead
in the post.

He goes up with it,
and the shot is...

-Hey! Whoa!
-[all shouting]

Beloved family, a toast.

[all groaning]

Yes, time is fleeting.

-Yes! There's ten seconds
left on the clock, Tim.
-Oh!

And that's what it felt like
for me with my own clock.

[quietly]:
Oh, my God.

You know,
when I look at my children

and I stare into your eyes,

it's like I see my own seed
staring back at me.

-Oh, gross, Dad.
-[groans]

Especially you, Tyler.

Please, not another kiss.

Mwah!

On the lips.

How could I forget the restof my support system, my rocks?

Make out with himso we can get back to the game.

Make out with him.

And, of course,
my own personal hero, John.

I wouldn't be here without you
saving my life. Come to me.

No. No. Anybody needs me,

I'll be in the garage working
on my Adirondack chair.

Ah! A throne for my king!
[chuckles]

This is one of
those games where

you'll remember where you were
when you watched it.

-[all groaning]
-HEATHER: Oh, come on.

This incredible family.

The adventure continues.

[scoffs]

-Oh! Heather!
-Oh!

What are you doing?

I'm hiding from Tim.

I just want five minutes
without him rubbing my back.

Oh, honey.
You know, it's common,

after a near-death experience,

to be more affectionate
to loved ones.

But in this case,
it's just plain annoying.

God, if he tells me
one more time

to dance like no one's watching,

I'm gonna kill him
and ask everyone to watch.

-TIM: Heather!
-Oh, damn it.

TIM:
Heather!

-Ah, there you are.
-[groans]

-Hi.
-Oh. You almost lost me once.

-I don't want you
to lose me again.
-Yeah.

No, no, no. Me neither.
[chuckles]

We're out of tea!

Could you get me some tea?

From your house?

For you, anything, Joan.

No, it's just
a small request,

so you don't need
to kiss me on the...

-Mwah!
-Oh.

-Well, you got what you wanted.-Oh.

Now I'm gonna go get you
what you want.

-'Cause I love you.
-Mm.

-And I love you.
-I-I-- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you poor thing.
Just leave him.

JOHN:
Joanie, get out here.
I need another pair of hands.

Mm, the damn chair.

Heather...

...send Tim.

If anybody can crush
his sunny mood,

it's John cursing at
a piece of plywood

and bitching
about the price of gas.

$4.15 for regular?

When I was a boy,
it was just a quarter.

[chuckles]
What a life.

Ken Burns could do
eight parts on you.

Where'd Joanie go?

Oh, she asked me to take over,

and I cherish the opportunity
to create with you.

It's just a chair.

Well, you lend a man a chair,
he sits but a day.

But you build a man a chair,
he sits for a lifetime.

Uh-huh, like you on the can
at Thanksgiving?

[laughs]:
That's beautiful, John.

You know,
ever since my episode...

Don't call it your episode.

I'm sorry.
You're right.

You were just as scared
as I was.

Ever since ourepisode...

So you could have died;
who cares?

Why don't you put on
your big-boy pants

and quit French-kissing
your kids, huh?

Now hold this.

All right, I'll hold it.

But I'm gonna pretend
I'm holding you.

May I hold you?

No!

-You know...-[electric saw whirring loudly]

This time with you
is the most...

[electric saw whirring loudly]

...precious gift that...

...a son-in...

...law could ever have!

Why didn't I let you just die?

Here, you take over.

I need a drink.

-Ah, may your cup runneth over.-Mm.

Got to if I'm gonna
deal with you.

[electric saw whirring loudly]

-[yells]
-[blade thumps]

Mm...

[camera clicks]

I made you, Matt.
And you made me.

Damn it. It's blurry.
Dad, can you go again?

-Mom?!
-Mm.

Thanks to Tim for his words
of wisdom and...

and the loose bolt that, uh,came off my Cuban circular saw.

I feel so lucky
to have you all.

I can still post this.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, no. Okay.

JOHN:
My firstborn.

-The mold.
-Mm, thank you, Dad.

No one's ever
called me "mold" before.

Mm.

-For both of us.
Our North Star.
-Oh.

HEATHER:
Hi, Mom.

Look. This is so much better.

Thank you.

MATT:
Ever since Morgan

went to visit her family,

she hasn't returned
any of our calls,

and we're worried
that's kind of weird.

Or is that fine?
'Cause we're totally fine.

I'm gonna have one of these, ifthat's okay. Thank you so much.

We're concerned, but we're
totally calm. [laughs softly]

Can't you just eat that
in one bite, Matt?

I like to savor them, Colleen.

Yeah, it's okay to be stressed.

Well, if I was stressed,
I'd be laughing uncomfortably.

[forced laugh]

This is totally common.You know, a lot of birth mothers

have these moments
where they go radio silent,

you know, maybe even
have a few doubts.

But then they come around.

[Matt sighs, Sherri chuckles]

Either that, or she's dead
in a ditch somewhere, right?

[forced laugh]

You know what?

Uh, let me try
and get in touch with Morgan.

Just sit tight.

[whispers]:
Sit tight.

I'm actually really proud ofhow calm we're being, you know?

There are no red ones in here.

Why are there
no red ones in here?

Excuse me! There are
no red ones in here!

Why don't you just eat an orangeone and a yellow one together?

[sighs]

Oh.

Hi there.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Did you eat all the red ones?

I wish, dude.

[opens drawer]

[whispers]:
Don't tell.

I didn't see anything.

Lucas, out.

Go play.

I'm really sorry.

-Oh, no. He's so sweet.
-Oh, no,
he's such a sweet dude.

No.

[opens drawer]

I'm sorry. [sighs]

No.

-No.
-You might...

-No!
-Just...

We don't want
the tissues, Sherri!

What did Morgan say?

She decided to keep the baby.

See, sorry, I'm sorry, it's
just that you told us that...

there was nothing to worry aboutand that this was common, so...

I know.
I'm sorry.

Adoption takes time.

There-there are gonna be
some steps backwards.

But it's all been
backward steps.

How long does it take to get
a baby? It's been nine months!

It will work out.

Why would you say that?

You don't know.

Do you know?

I'm very sorry.

[kids chattering
playfully nearby]

-I'm so sorry.
-I know.

Why are you crying?
Did you fall down?

[chuckles]
No, I'm just a little sad.

Do you have to take
a bath tonight, too?

[chuckles] No.

We were just trying
to adopt a little baby,

and I don't think
it's gonna work out.

We're okay, though.
Thank you.

Here. This will
make you feel better.

Oh, okay. Thank you.

Oh. [chuckles]

It took me five years,

but I'm meeting
my new family tomorrow.

-[gasps]
-You'll find your family soon.

[whispers]:
Okay.

Are you guys okay?

You know, I think...
I think we will be.

-Yeah.
-Okay.

I mean, if Lucas can wait
five years to get adopted,

-then we can hang
in there, right?
-Yeah.

Oh. No, Lucas isn't
getting adopted.

But he said he was meeting
his new family tomorrow.

Oh. No, no. He's-he's being
placed in a foster home.

You know, sometimes the childrenget a bit confused.

-Oh, no.
-Oh.
-Yeah.

Well, when you're ready,

come on in, and we'll start yoursearch for a new birth mother.

["Until We Get There"
by Lucius playing]

Is this crazy?

It doesn't feel crazy.

It feels like maybe
it's meant to be.

-He was savoring it.
-[laughs]

♪ What do you say?♪

♪ Is this the time♪

[laughs]
Come on.

♪ For one more try♪

♪ At a happy life?♪

♪ Woo-hoo-ooh.♪

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH