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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,651 --> 00:00:03,381 Who you gonna call? (LAUGHS) 2 00:00:03,454 --> 00:00:05,581 Hi. I'm Ray Parker, Jr., 3 00:00:05,656 --> 00:00:09,092 writer and performer of the Academy Award-nominated 4 00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,720 hit single Ghostbusters 5 00:00:11,795 --> 00:00:14,764 from the major motion picture Ghostbusters. 6 00:00:14,832 --> 00:00:16,959 But that's just one song. 7 00:00:17,034 --> 00:00:20,629 I've written so many other major motion picture theme songs 8 00:00:20,704 --> 00:00:22,797 and submitted 'em throughout the years. 9 00:00:22,873 --> 00:00:25,467 Now they're available and together 10 00:00:25,543 --> 00:00:28,774 for one specially priced compilation. 11 00:00:28,846 --> 00:00:29,870 Songs like... 12 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,676 You tried to play the game 13 00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:33,717 But it's driving you insane 14 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,911 Jumanji 15 00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:37,977 Danger in the jungle 16 00:00:38,055 --> 00:00:39,955 Jumanji 17 00:00:40,024 --> 00:00:42,015 There's a lion in my house 18 00:00:42,092 --> 00:00:44,083 Come on, Mr. Computer 19 00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:45,389 Throw me a bone 20 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,295 I said, Lawnmower Man 21 00:00:48,365 --> 00:00:50,492 Get up off of my lawn 22 00:00:50,568 --> 00:00:52,695 When Armageddon is near 23 00:00:52,770 --> 00:00:54,635 You better get out of here 24 00:00:54,705 --> 00:00:57,367 Looking like a deep impact 25 00:00:57,441 --> 00:00:58,965 I ain't afraid of no 'stroid 26 00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:01,836 Watch out behind you That's where I'm gonna find you 27 00:01:01,912 --> 00:01:03,937 Pelican Brief 28 00:01:04,014 --> 00:01:05,948 It's getting legal, y'all 29 00:01:06,016 --> 00:01:09,349 These songs have only been heard by the highest level 30 00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:11,547 of industry decision makers, 31 00:01:11,622 --> 00:01:15,285 but now you can feel like a Hollywood executive 32 00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:17,224 in your own home. 33 00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,854 I'll see your Face Off 34 00:01:19,930 --> 00:01:21,295 Bad guy walking around 35 00:01:21,365 --> 00:01:23,526 It's a face-off (CHUCKLES) 36 00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:25,034 That ain't even your face 37 00:01:25,102 --> 00:01:27,434 Passion of the Christ 38 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,495 Get me down off of this cross 39 00:01:29,573 --> 00:01:30,801 Passion of the Christ 40 00:01:30,874 --> 00:01:33,468 You know, my daddy is the boss 41 00:01:33,544 --> 00:01:35,671 Disturbia 42 00:01:35,746 --> 00:01:37,509 That's not even a word 43 00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:40,015 Gonna unnerve ya 44 00:01:41,752 --> 00:01:44,084 Now, there's a whole lot of kinky 45 00:01:44,154 --> 00:01:46,281 Bet that room is stinky 46 00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:48,257 Fifty shades of Grey 47 00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,555 (CHUCKLES) All right, white people. 48 00:01:50,628 --> 00:01:52,653 Who's a slave? 49 00:01:52,730 --> 00:01:53,992 I'm not a slave 50 00:01:54,064 --> 00:01:55,292 Uh-oh 51 00:01:56,066 --> 00:01:57,931 12 Years a Slave 52 00:01:58,435 --> 00:01:59,925 Whoops! (IMITATES WHIP CRACK) 53 00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:04,601 There's one thing I know. 54 00:02:04,675 --> 00:02:07,303 It's that persistence makes perfection. 55 00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,643 (CHUCKLES) Sure, Hollywood missed out, 56 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,944 but that doesn't mean you have to. 57 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,541 Down in the basement 58 00:02:15,619 --> 00:02:17,416 What's going on? 59 00:02:17,488 --> 00:02:20,150 It's an apt pupil 60 00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:22,317 There's a kid and a Nazi down there 61 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,626 MALE ANNOUNCER: Order now to receive your free copy of 62 00:02:28,699 --> 00:02:30,223 Bobby Sings the Twos! 63 00:02:30,301 --> 00:02:32,565 Theme songs to sequels that were never made. 64 00:02:33,304 --> 00:02:36,239 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 65 00:02:36,307 --> 00:02:38,036 MAN: (SINGING) Crazy, crazy 66 00:02:38,108 --> 00:02:40,668 Does is crazy 67 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,939 Make up for adjustment 68 00:02:43,981 --> 00:02:46,677 You jammin' on the verse 69 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:52,146 First one's planned that you want to do 70 00:02:52,222 --> 00:02:54,019 All I want 71 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:58,050 But I don't need you 72 00:03:00,464 --> 00:03:03,592 What was the very first sketch we ever did? 73 00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,567 - I think we started with Bitch. - Did we start with Bitch? 74 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,294 Oh. 75 00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:10,135 In history, I mean... 76 00:03:10,207 --> 00:03:11,196 In that moment. 77 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:14,403 The greatest comedy 78 00:03:14,478 --> 00:03:17,845 or otherwise show ever made. 79 00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,447 Okay, well, I... I... 80 00:03:21,518 --> 00:03:22,610 I do enjoy our show. 81 00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:24,415 You think it's the best show ever made? 82 00:03:24,488 --> 00:03:25,853 Pure classic. 83 00:03:25,923 --> 00:03:26,912 It's us, 84 00:03:27,891 --> 00:03:30,621 then, like, Dallas, then The Twilight Zone. 85 00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,059 There's a list out there. 86 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,494 Key & Peele, 87 00:03:33,564 --> 00:03:35,031 Dallas, 88 00:03:35,099 --> 00:03:36,862 - Twilight Zone. - Just talking influential. 89 00:03:38,235 --> 00:03:39,463 Huge. 90 00:03:39,536 --> 00:03:40,696 I'm a visionary. 91 00:03:40,771 --> 00:03:43,763 I think that it's very possible, like, 92 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,542 we'll go down like the... 93 00:03:48,679 --> 00:03:50,169 Like the Wright brothers. 94 00:03:50,247 --> 00:03:53,546 Like, they're gonna be... It's gonna be one of these things where we're... 95 00:03:53,617 --> 00:03:55,312 Am I... Am I going too far? 96 00:03:55,386 --> 00:03:57,786 - Am I over blowing it? - Over blowing it a little bit. 97 00:03:57,855 --> 00:03:59,846 I really just wanted to know what the first scene was. 98 00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:00,912 Oh. 99 00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:08,150 Ripped & Corrected By mstoll 100 00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:12,431 Vince, I, uh, 101 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,664 I have that quarterly analysis that you asked for. 102 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,035 I had a quarter of these nuts on your chin. 103 00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:21,340 (CLEARS THROAT) Right. 104 00:04:22,913 --> 00:04:24,244 It's just that I wanted to review 105 00:04:24,314 --> 00:04:25,440 some of these numbers with you. 106 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,848 It seems like our earnings are low 107 00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:29,112 against our original projections. 108 00:04:30,254 --> 00:04:32,415 These nuts were low against your chin. 109 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,895 You know, Vince, 110 00:04:41,965 --> 00:04:43,899 if you ever need to talk to me about something, 111 00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:45,935 I'm more than happy to listen. 112 00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:48,369 These nuts would be more than happy to rest against your chin. 113 00:04:51,108 --> 00:04:52,473 (SIGHS) 114 00:04:54,645 --> 00:04:57,580 Hey, look, you've been doing this for about a week now, 115 00:04:57,648 --> 00:04:59,445 and it was kind of funny at first. 116 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,211 These nuts were kind of funny against your chin. 117 00:05:02,986 --> 00:05:04,419 Vince, I'm worried about you. 118 00:05:12,963 --> 00:05:14,760 I was worried about these nuts on your chin. 119 00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:17,198 Vince, seriously. 120 00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:18,791 (SIGHS) 121 00:05:19,937 --> 00:05:21,529 (WHISPERING) These nuts were seriously on your chin. 122 00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,768 Mr. Graham, I just got a call from St. Mary's Hospital, 123 00:05:26,844 --> 00:05:29,369 and your parents were in a serious car accident. 124 00:05:30,481 --> 00:05:33,882 I'm so sorry, but your mother is dead, 125 00:05:35,052 --> 00:05:37,247 and your father is on life support. 126 00:05:42,059 --> 00:05:43,924 (CRYING) These nuts were supporting life on your chin. 127 00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:45,427 (CRYING) Oh, my God. 128 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,586 Sorry, Amber. 129 00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,089 Vince, you gotta stop it. 130 00:05:51,401 --> 00:05:52,732 Your mother just passed away. 131 00:05:52,803 --> 00:05:54,600 These nuts passed away on your chin. 132 00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:55,933 No, they didn't. 133 00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:58,031 They didn't. Vince. 134 00:05:59,142 --> 00:06:01,610 Listen, you gotta leave here right now and go be with your dad. 135 00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:03,976 This could be the last time that you get to see him. 136 00:06:04,047 --> 00:06:05,776 This could be the last time I get to see my nuts on your... 137 00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:07,339 God damn it, Vincent. 138 00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:08,907 Your father might be dying. 139 00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,978 These nuts might be dying on your chin. 140 00:06:14,157 --> 00:06:15,419 God damn it, Vince! 141 00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:17,357 Snap the fuck out of it! 142 00:06:17,427 --> 00:06:18,792 Your mother is dead. 143 00:06:24,535 --> 00:06:26,127 Right. You're right. 144 00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:28,564 - You okay? - I'm okay. 145 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,129 You... You're back. 146 00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:31,572 (WHISPERING) I don't know what came over me. 147 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,371 - (WHISPERING) It's all right. - (WHISPERING) It was so good. 148 00:06:34,444 --> 00:06:35,911 (WHISPERING) It was... It just 149 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:38,305 It worked in every situation, and then it was... 150 00:06:38,382 --> 00:06:39,406 I know. I know. 151 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,110 (WHISPERING) And it was always, it was just so funny. 152 00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:42,909 Well, it wasn't it wasn't that funny. 153 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:43,975 (WHISPERING) It was funny. 154 00:06:45,022 --> 00:06:46,853 It really wasn't that funny, Vince. 155 00:06:46,924 --> 00:06:49,290 (WHISPERING) It was really funny. 156 00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,489 I would not go so far as to say it was really funny, Vince. 157 00:06:53,564 --> 00:06:54,553 (WHISPERING) It was funny. 158 00:06:55,198 --> 00:06:56,187 But it wasn't, though. 159 00:06:58,201 --> 00:06:59,190 It was. 160 00:07:00,771 --> 00:07:01,760 (WHISPERING) It wasn't. 161 00:07:03,073 --> 00:07:04,597 - Agree to disagree. It was funny. - Okay. 162 00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:05,664 (WHISPERING) It was funny. 163 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,077 One more time. I'm just gonna go on record as saying it wasn't really that funny. 164 00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,845 I'm gonna go see my dad. 165 00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:14,406 It was funny. 166 00:07:14,484 --> 00:07:16,008 It wasn't that funny. 167 00:07:34,071 --> 00:07:36,335 Dad. (BREATHING HEAVILY) 168 00:07:36,406 --> 00:07:37,600 Stay with me. 169 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,266 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 170 00:07:39,343 --> 00:07:40,970 Dad, I love you. 171 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:42,671 (MONITOR BEEPING) 172 00:07:44,414 --> 00:07:45,881 And I love... 173 00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:51,220 These nuts on your chin. 174 00:07:51,288 --> 00:07:52,846 (MONITOR CONTINUES BEEPING) 175 00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:06,897 DAD: These nuts on your chin. 176 00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:12,070 (SOBBING) 177 00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:15,477 (WAILING) 178 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:24,597 This is all about Susie Diaz. 179 00:08:24,669 --> 00:08:26,261 It's Suzie Diaz's party. 180 00:08:26,337 --> 00:08:28,862 Susie Diaz is running the show. I'm just gonna show up. 181 00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:30,532 If she needs me to bring beer or something, 182 00:08:30,608 --> 00:08:32,041 I'm more than happy to do it. 183 00:08:32,977 --> 00:08:34,569 Oh, dude. Oh, my God. 184 00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:36,978 A woman just fainted. I'm gonna have to call you back. 185 00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:40,275 Ma'am. 186 00:08:40,351 --> 00:08:41,579 Ma'am. 187 00:08:42,821 --> 00:08:44,118 Oh... Um... 188 00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:45,178 (DIALING) 189 00:08:45,757 --> 00:08:47,190 (PHONE RINGING) 190 00:08:51,763 --> 00:08:52,752 (PHONE RINGING) 191 00:08:53,398 --> 00:08:55,229 911. What is your emergency? 192 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:58,201 Yes, yeah. I'm at the corner of Fifth and Metropolitan, 193 00:08:58,269 --> 00:09:00,134 and I just came up across this woman, 194 00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:02,935 and she just passed out on the sidewalk here. 195 00:09:03,007 --> 00:09:04,736 Okay. And is she responsive, sir? 196 00:09:05,243 --> 00:09:06,232 Um... 197 00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:14,477 Okay, sir? Is she responsive? 198 00:09:16,855 --> 00:09:19,585 Sir? Sir? 199 00:09:19,657 --> 00:09:21,989 - Um, no. - Sir, if you can hear me. 200 00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,084 She's not responsive. 201 00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,992 She's... Beautiful. 202 00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:29,993 That is not relevant to this emergency, sir. 203 00:09:30,535 --> 00:09:31,866 An ambulance is on its way. 204 00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:33,927 In the meantime, I need you to check her pulse, sir. 205 00:09:34,005 --> 00:09:35,905 Check her pulse. Right, check her pulse. Okay. 206 00:09:39,010 --> 00:09:41,069 Does she have a pulse, sir? 207 00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:42,134 Oh, she does, 208 00:09:42,213 --> 00:09:43,976 but her skin is so soft. 209 00:09:44,649 --> 00:09:45,638 Sir... 210 00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:47,116 She doesn't have on a ton of makeup, 211 00:09:47,185 --> 00:09:48,743 but she's the kind of girl 212 00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,117 - that just doesn't need it. - Sir... 213 00:09:50,188 --> 00:09:53,089 You can see that she put a lot of thought into her outfit, 214 00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,749 but not like she's trying too hard. 215 00:09:55,493 --> 00:09:56,687 She's perfect. 216 00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:57,750 Sir, may I remind you 217 00:09:57,829 --> 00:10:00,263 that you have not spoken a word to this woman? 218 00:10:00,331 --> 00:10:01,730 I need you to see if she's breathing. 219 00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,328 Is she breathing? Yeah, okay. Hold on. 220 00:10:07,238 --> 00:10:09,365 Sir, I need you to stay on track. 221 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,670 Oh, God. Oh, God, she's not breathing! 222 00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:12,971 The love of my life is not breathing. 223 00:10:13,044 --> 00:10:14,375 (SQUEALING) You gotta save my baby! 224 00:10:14,445 --> 00:10:16,470 Do you know how to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? 225 00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:17,742 Yes, I do. 226 00:10:17,815 --> 00:10:19,942 Okay. I need you to administer that now. 227 00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:23,146 Okay, okay. (EXHALES SHARPLY) 228 00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,749 No, no. I can't. I can't. 229 00:10:28,826 --> 00:10:30,589 I can't do it. I can't can't do it. 230 00:10:30,662 --> 00:10:32,254 It's just... It's disrespectful. 231 00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:33,820 I have to be respectful for her. 232 00:10:33,898 --> 00:10:36,458 Sir, this is the only time it's okay to put your mouth 233 00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:38,593 on an unconscious woman. Do it. 234 00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:41,002 I just didn't picture it happening this way, 235 00:10:41,072 --> 00:10:42,539 and there's butterflies in my stomach, and I'm just 236 00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:44,973 (BREATHING HEAVILY) I don't want to mess this up. 237 00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:47,603 - It's so rare to find. - Sir, if you can hear me, 238 00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:49,510 an ambulance is on its way. 239 00:10:49,581 --> 00:10:51,572 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - I need you to calm down. 240 00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:53,173 - Oh, gosh, my head. - Sir? 241 00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:54,946 - I'm so lightheaded. - Sir, stay with me. 242 00:10:55,019 --> 00:10:56,350 This is what it feels like to be in love. 243 00:10:56,421 --> 00:10:59,549 This is what it must feel like when you when you find the one. 244 00:10:59,624 --> 00:11:01,421 Sir, are you there? 245 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,460 (BUSY TONE BEEPING) 246 00:11:14,639 --> 00:11:16,436 (SIRENS APPROACHING) 247 00:11:18,109 --> 00:11:19,098 Oh, God. 248 00:11:19,944 --> 00:11:20,933 (DIALING) 249 00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:23,074 (PHONE RINGING) 250 00:11:23,948 --> 00:11:24,972 (PHONE RINGING) 251 00:11:25,049 --> 00:11:26,676 911. What is your emergency? 252 00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:30,619 There's an attractive, confident, well-to-do black man. 253 00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:33,213 He just passed out right here on the street. 254 00:11:33,291 --> 00:11:35,555 Okay. Ma'am, listen very carefully. 255 00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,857 I'm going to need you to marry him. 256 00:11:38,696 --> 00:11:39,958 (STUTTERING) Okay. 257 00:11:40,031 --> 00:11:42,363 (GASPS) Shouldn't I give him, like, mouth to mouth first? 258 00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:46,367 Yeah, girl. Get you some. Shoot. 259 00:11:52,143 --> 00:11:56,204 What would this country be like if black people... 260 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,716 Say we were brought over as slaves, 261 00:11:59,784 --> 00:12:03,652 and then early on, black people revolted, took over the country, 262 00:12:04,489 --> 00:12:07,424 and said these evil motherfuckers are now 263 00:12:07,492 --> 00:12:10,825 - are the lower class, these slaves. - Do you know what'd happen then? 264 00:12:10,928 --> 00:12:13,829 Then the song Chocolate City by Parliament Funkadelic 265 00:12:13,898 --> 00:12:15,195 would be our national anthem. 266 00:12:15,633 --> 00:12:17,157 That's right. That's what it would be. 267 00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:20,762 And white people would have a song talking about vanillas. 268 00:12:20,838 --> 00:12:22,066 "Vanilla Village." 269 00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:25,007 (SINGING) Vanilla Village, where all the whites live 270 00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,543 Here's my question to you. 271 00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,101 Would, then... 272 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,747 White people being the oppressed race, 273 00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:33,976 would they have the soul? 274 00:12:34,052 --> 00:12:36,350 Would they have invented the blues? 275 00:12:36,421 --> 00:12:39,913 Would there be black people who are trying to act cool 276 00:12:39,991 --> 00:12:43,427 like white people called "blonkies"? 277 00:12:43,494 --> 00:12:44,654 Man, look at these blonkies. 278 00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:46,526 And you what the crazy thing is? 279 00:12:46,597 --> 00:12:47,894 Barack Obama would still be president. 280 00:12:47,965 --> 00:12:49,330 He would still be president. 281 00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:57,572 Spare some change? 282 00:12:58,409 --> 00:12:59,774 MAN: Sorry, man. I ain't got nothing. 283 00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:01,534 All right. 284 00:13:05,183 --> 00:13:06,241 (POLICE SIREN BLARING) 285 00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:10,746 Hold it right there. 286 00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:14,948 - (CAR DOOR CLOSES) - Let's see some ID. 287 00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:17,156 I wasn't even doing anything, man. 288 00:13:17,261 --> 00:13:20,389 - Are you talking back to me? - No. I was just walking, man. 289 00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:23,059 Look, there is no reason for you to get upset, sir. 290 00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:24,965 - I'm not. I'm not. - All right, that's it. 291 00:13:25,036 --> 00:13:26,867 - Put your hands on your head. - Put my hands on my... 292 00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:28,838 Put your hands on your head, yes! 293 00:13:30,775 --> 00:13:32,072 You had your chance. 294 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:35,976 Listen, man, can I just ask you, 295 00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:38,072 like, politely, what it is that I did? 296 00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:39,377 Think I was born yesterday? 297 00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:40,917 - Come on, man, I... - POLICEMAN: Get in the car. 298 00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:41,974 Duck your head. 299 00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:43,042 (SCREAMS) 300 00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:44,745 (GRUNTING) 301 00:13:47,191 --> 00:13:48,180 (CLANGING) 302 00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,552 All right, Officer. 303 00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:51,754 I'll take it from here. 304 00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:56,395 Well, hi, Wally. Good to see you. 305 00:13:57,468 --> 00:13:58,457 He's all yours. 306 00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:00,459 All right. 307 00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:03,133 - What? - (POLICEMAN CHUCKLES) 308 00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:06,501 - Y'all have a good night. - All right. 309 00:14:06,577 --> 00:14:07,874 Thanks, man, but where are we going? 310 00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:10,012 I'm glad you asked. 311 00:14:11,983 --> 00:14:12,972 Follow me. 312 00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:14,039 Through there? 313 00:14:14,552 --> 00:14:15,610 (SCREAMS) 314 00:14:17,288 --> 00:14:19,620 - (GRUNTS) - (LAUGHS) 315 00:14:20,091 --> 00:14:22,582 Whoa. Look at this place. 316 00:14:23,494 --> 00:14:24,483 Where are we? 317 00:14:24,562 --> 00:14:26,928 Just be patient, and I'll show you. 318 00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:28,894 Your suit changed. 319 00:14:28,966 --> 00:14:30,558 Follow me to a place I know 320 00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:32,262 Where there ain't no pain, ain't no sorrow 321 00:14:32,336 --> 00:14:36,773 It's a place to be if your skin is brown 322 00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:40,242 I'm talking about Negrotown 323 00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:43,469 Negrotown? 324 00:14:43,548 --> 00:14:44,913 What, like Atlanta? 325 00:14:44,982 --> 00:14:46,813 (LAUGHS) Almost. 326 00:14:46,884 --> 00:14:48,374 Now, be quiet while I sing. 327 00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:51,217 In Negrotown, you can walk the street 328 00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:53,280 Without getting stopped, harassed, or beat 329 00:14:53,357 --> 00:14:56,520 And there's always a cab when you need to get around 330 00:14:56,594 --> 00:14:57,652 (HONKS) 331 00:14:57,728 --> 00:15:00,754 - And they always stop... - In Negrotown 332 00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:04,560 I think I'm getting it. 333 00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:06,466 It's like a utopia for black people. 334 00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:10,371 Yeah. But seriously, shut the fuck up. 335 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:14,309 You won't get followed when you try to shop 336 00:15:14,378 --> 00:15:18,280 (ALL SINGING) You can wear your hoodie and not get shot 337 00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:22,115 No white folks to cross the street in fear 338 00:15:22,186 --> 00:15:25,952 (ALL SINGING) No trigger happy cops or scared cashiers 339 00:15:26,023 --> 00:15:30,187 That loan application can't get turned down 340 00:15:30,261 --> 00:15:33,253 You're always approved in Negrotown 341 00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:34,320 This is amazing. 342 00:15:34,398 --> 00:15:35,422 I know, right? 343 00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:37,425 (WOMEN SINGING) We're going down to Negrotown 344 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,298 Where the strong black men are raining down 345 00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:43,636 There's light skinned, dark-skinned, every shade 346 00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:47,667 And there's no white bitches to take them away 347 00:15:49,914 --> 00:15:51,381 This sounds too good to be true. 348 00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:53,383 It does, doesn't it? 349 00:15:53,451 --> 00:15:55,316 - But can a nigga finish a song? - Oh. 350 00:15:55,386 --> 00:15:58,412 I mean, can a nigga finish? 351 00:15:58,489 --> 00:16:00,514 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 352 00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:02,491 (SINGING) In Negrotown, you'll live long and well 353 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,425 There's no disease, no sickle cell 354 00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:06,827 No stupid ass white folks touching your hair 355 00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:09,264 Or stealing your coats or claiming it's theirs 356 00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:14,633 Hanging out in a group doesn't make you a gang 357 00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:18,505 Every word that you say ain't considered slang 358 00:16:18,576 --> 00:16:21,875 No one trying to get in on the latest trend 359 00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:25,746 By making you their token black friend 360 00:16:25,816 --> 00:16:29,308 It's a place where harmony is found 361 00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:33,448 (ALL SINGING) It's a motherfucking black playground 362 00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:37,722 Talking about Negrotown 363 00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,456 (ALL SINGING) Talking about Negro, talking about Negro 364 00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:41,191 Negro, Negro, Negro 365 00:16:41,265 --> 00:16:47,932 Talking about Negrotown 366 00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:55,037 MAN: Sir? 367 00:16:55,646 --> 00:16:56,704 Sir? 368 00:16:57,181 --> 00:16:58,239 Sir? 369 00:16:58,883 --> 00:17:00,578 - MAN: Sir? - (GROANING) 370 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,714 - What? - MAN: All right, get up. 371 00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:05,885 - (GROANS) - MAN: Let's go. Get up. 372 00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:07,185 Wait a sec. 373 00:17:07,258 --> 00:17:08,816 Wait... Wait... Hold on. What? 374 00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:10,793 I thought I was going to Negrotown. 375 00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:12,459 Oh, you are. 376 00:17:32,416 --> 00:17:34,077 - JORDAN: Can I give you an acting note? - Sure, yeah. 377 00:17:34,151 --> 00:17:35,482 I mean 'cause, we're, you know, actors. 378 00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:37,384 - We need to get notes from one another. - We need to grow. 379 00:17:37,455 --> 00:17:39,320 Try acting a character a little bit less. 380 00:17:40,566 --> 00:17:41,590 (LAUGHS) 381 00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:42,998 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 382 00:17:43,102 --> 00:17:44,797 (BOTH LAUGHING) 383 00:17:45,838 --> 00:17:47,465 Whoo! Okay, here we go. 384 00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:48,973 (COUGHS) All right, I'm... 385 00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:50,372 (CONTINUES LAUGHING) 386 00:17:52,011 --> 00:17:54,844 - I'm sorry. - Get it. Get it. 387 00:17:54,914 --> 00:17:57,075 Get that laugh. Get it out. 388 00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:58,378 This is, like, an exercise. 389 00:17:58,451 --> 00:18:00,578 (CONTINUES LAUGHING) 390 00:18:00,653 --> 00:18:01,847 Working them gigs. 391 00:18:01,921 --> 00:18:04,082 - Got to get them gigs. - (KEEGAN CONTINUES LAUGHING) 392 00:18:04,157 --> 00:18:05,146 Got to get them gigs. 393 00:18:06,592 --> 00:18:08,457 (LAUGHS) Okay, fucking... 394 00:18:08,528 --> 00:18:11,326 Fuck it! Fuck it! I'm here. Fuck this shit! 395 00:18:13,399 --> 00:18:17,130 My name's Wendell, and I, too, am asexual. 396 00:18:17,203 --> 00:18:18,534 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 397 00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:21,028 It is true, though. 398 00:18:22,408 --> 00:18:23,807 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 399 00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:26,811 - Oh, yeah. Thanks, man. - Did you just call me "man"? 400 00:18:26,879 --> 00:18:28,369 That's how comfortable I am with you. 401 00:18:28,447 --> 00:18:29,436 But if you were a guy, 402 00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:32,117 I'd still jam my fork in those fucking roast beef 403 00:18:32,185 --> 00:18:33,516 (LAUGHING) 404 00:18:35,221 --> 00:18:38,554 - Is there a Cyrano de Bergerac behind you? - (LAUGHING) 405 00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:39,818 I like how you're getting my side. 406 00:18:39,892 --> 00:18:41,052 God, it's like you have three hands. 407 00:18:41,794 --> 00:18:42,783 There it is. 408 00:18:42,862 --> 00:18:44,295 (BOTH LAUGHING) 409 00:18:45,097 --> 00:18:47,691 No, Papi. No, Papi. No, Papi. No! 410 00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:49,166 You're talking about no Papi? 411 00:18:49,235 --> 00:18:50,634 (BOTH LAUGHING) 412 00:18:50,703 --> 00:18:53,866 - I will skewer you with my dick! - Yeah? 413 00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:55,635 - Oh, yeah! - I'll take it! 414 00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:57,073 What else do you... 415 00:18:57,143 --> 00:18:58,201 (LAUGHING) 416 00:18:58,277 --> 00:19:01,144 Destination wedding, baby, Acapulco, June 27th. 417 00:19:01,948 --> 00:19:03,313 All right. 418 00:19:03,382 --> 00:19:04,872 (LAUGHING) 419 00:19:06,919 --> 00:19:10,616 I wish them terrorists would try to even think 420 00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:13,318 about just dropping straight... 421 00:19:13,392 --> 00:19:14,757 (LAUGHING) 422 00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:17,796 Ah, shit. 423 00:19:17,863 --> 00:19:20,058 I'm gonna stay in this zone, though. 424 00:19:20,132 --> 00:19:21,690 And now I clinch. 425 00:19:22,435 --> 00:19:24,335 - Snap. - (LAUGHING) 426 00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:26,303 You snap that nigga's dick off! 427 00:19:27,306 --> 00:19:28,773 Oh! (LAUGHS) 428 00:19:28,841 --> 00:19:31,139 Hold on a second. I'm over here. 429 00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:33,269 Wait a second. Shit got caught up. 430 00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:34,677 I'm caught up. Hold up. 431 00:19:34,747 --> 00:19:35,805 We were talking about breakfast. 432 00:19:35,881 --> 00:19:37,849 - (BELCHES) - (BOTH LAUGHING) 433 00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:40,083 (WHISPERING) So that's what I'm gonna do... 434 00:19:42,421 --> 00:19:44,889 Mark with a K. 435 00:19:47,426 --> 00:19:48,757 (LAUGHING) 436 00:20:09,051 --> 00:20:11,076 - Is this the place? - This is the place. 437 00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:20,555 (SIGHS) 438 00:20:26,969 --> 00:20:32,703 BOTH: I said, "Bitch!" 439 00:20:33,475 --> 00:20:35,739 - Oh! - (SIGHS) 440 00:20:39,881 --> 00:20:41,906 - You want to go back? - Yeah. My girl's expecting me. 441 00:20:55,697 --> 00:20:57,665 MAN: (SINGING) I'm gonna do my one line here 442 00:20:57,733 --> 00:20:59,325 Oh, yeah. 443 00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:06,773 (MAN COUGHS) 444 00:21:10,212 --> 00:21:11,679 (MAN COUGHING) 445 00:21:14,349 --> 00:21:15,839 This motherfucker. 446 00:21:15,917 --> 00:21:17,885 (BOTH LAUGHING) 447 00:21:19,739 --> 00:21:24,739 Ripped & Corrected By mstoll 448 00:21:24,789 --> 00:21:29,339 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32043

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