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1
00:00:00,651 --> 00:00:03,381
Who you gonna call? (LAUGHS)
2
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Hi. I'm Ray Parker, Jr.,
3
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writer and performer
of the Academy Award-nominated
4
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:11,720
hit single Ghostbusters
5
00:00:11,795 --> 00:00:14,764
from the major motion picture Ghostbusters.
6
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But that's just one song.
7
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I've written so many other
major motion picture theme songs
8
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and submitted 'em throughout the years.
9
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Now they're available and together
10
00:00:25,543 --> 00:00:28,774
for one specially priced compilation.
11
00:00:28,846 --> 00:00:29,870
Songs like...
12
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You tried to play the game
13
00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:33,717
But it's driving you insane
14
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,911
Jumanji
15
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Danger in the jungle
16
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Jumanji
17
00:00:40,024 --> 00:00:42,015
There's a lion in my house
18
00:00:42,092 --> 00:00:44,083
Come on, Mr. Computer
19
00:00:44,161 --> 00:00:45,389
Throw me a bone
20
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,295
I said, Lawnmower Man
21
00:00:48,365 --> 00:00:50,492
Get up off of my lawn
22
00:00:50,568 --> 00:00:52,695
When Armageddon is near
23
00:00:52,770 --> 00:00:54,635
You better get out of here
24
00:00:54,705 --> 00:00:57,367
Looking like a deep impact
25
00:00:57,441 --> 00:00:58,965
I ain't afraid of no 'stroid
26
00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:01,836
Watch out behind you
That's where I'm gonna find you
27
00:01:01,912 --> 00:01:03,937
Pelican Brief
28
00:01:04,014 --> 00:01:05,948
It's getting legal, y'all
29
00:01:06,016 --> 00:01:09,349
These songs have only been heard
by the highest level
30
00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:11,547
of industry decision makers,
31
00:01:11,622 --> 00:01:15,285
but now you can feel
like a Hollywood executive
32
00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:17,224
in your own home.
33
00:01:17,294 --> 00:01:19,854
I'll see your Face Off
34
00:01:19,930 --> 00:01:21,295
Bad guy walking around
35
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It's a face-off
(CHUCKLES)
36
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:25,034
That ain't even your face
37
00:01:25,102 --> 00:01:27,434
Passion of the Christ
38
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,495
Get me down off of this cross
39
00:01:29,573 --> 00:01:30,801
Passion of the Christ
40
00:01:30,874 --> 00:01:33,468
You know, my daddy is the boss
41
00:01:33,544 --> 00:01:35,671
Disturbia
42
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That's not even a word
43
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Gonna unnerve ya
44
00:01:41,752 --> 00:01:44,084
Now, there's a whole lot of kinky
45
00:01:44,154 --> 00:01:46,281
Bet that room is stinky
46
00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:48,257
Fifty shades of Grey
47
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,555
(CHUCKLES) All right, white people.
48
00:01:50,628 --> 00:01:52,653
Who's a slave?
49
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I'm not a slave
50
00:01:54,064 --> 00:01:55,292
Uh-oh
51
00:01:56,066 --> 00:01:57,931
12 Years a Slave
52
00:01:58,435 --> 00:01:59,925
Whoops! (IMITATES WHIP CRACK)
53
00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:04,601
There's one thing I know.
54
00:02:04,675 --> 00:02:07,303
It's that persistence makes perfection.
55
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,643
(CHUCKLES) Sure, Hollywood missed out,
56
00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,944
but that doesn't mean you have to.
57
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,541
Down in the basement
58
00:02:15,619 --> 00:02:17,416
What's going on?
59
00:02:17,488 --> 00:02:20,150
It's an apt pupil
60
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:22,317
There's a kid and a Nazi down there
61
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:28,626
MALE ANNOUNCER:
Order now to receive your free copy of
62
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Bobby Sings the Twos!
63
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Theme songs to sequels
that were never made.
64
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(THEME SONG PLAYING)
65
00:02:36,307 --> 00:02:38,036
MAN: (SINGING) Crazy, crazy
66
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Does is crazy
67
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,939
Make up for adjustment
68
00:02:43,981 --> 00:02:46,677
You jammin' on the verse
69
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:52,146
First one's planned that you want to do
70
00:02:52,222 --> 00:02:54,019
All I want
71
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:58,050
But I don't need you
72
00:03:00,464 --> 00:03:03,592
What was the very first sketch we ever did?
73
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,567
- I think we started with Bitch.
- Did we start with Bitch?
74
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,294
Oh.
75
00:03:08,372 --> 00:03:10,135
In history, I mean...
76
00:03:10,207 --> 00:03:11,196
In that moment.
77
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:14,403
The greatest comedy
78
00:03:14,478 --> 00:03:17,845
or otherwise show ever made.
79
00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,447
Okay, well, I... I...
80
00:03:21,518 --> 00:03:22,610
I do enjoy our show.
81
00:03:22,686 --> 00:03:24,415
You think it's the best show ever made?
82
00:03:24,488 --> 00:03:25,853
Pure classic.
83
00:03:25,923 --> 00:03:26,912
It's us,
84
00:03:27,891 --> 00:03:30,621
then, like, Dallas, then The Twilight Zone.
85
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:32,059
There's a list out there.
86
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,494
Key & Peele,
87
00:03:33,564 --> 00:03:35,031
Dallas,
88
00:03:35,099 --> 00:03:36,862
- Twilight Zone.
- Just talking influential.
89
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Huge.
90
00:03:39,536 --> 00:03:40,696
I'm a visionary.
91
00:03:40,771 --> 00:03:43,763
I think that it's very possible, like,
92
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,542
we'll go down like the...
93
00:03:48,679 --> 00:03:50,169
Like the Wright brothers.
94
00:03:50,247 --> 00:03:53,546
Like, they're gonna be... It's gonna
be one of these things where we're...
95
00:03:53,617 --> 00:03:55,312
Am I... Am I going too far?
96
00:03:55,386 --> 00:03:57,786
- Am I over blowing it?
- Over blowing it a little bit.
97
00:03:57,855 --> 00:03:59,846
I really just wanted to know
what the first scene was.
98
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:00,912
Oh.
99
00:04:03,150 --> 00:04:08,150
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
100
00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:12,431
Vince, I, uh,
101
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:14,664
I have that quarterly analysis
that you asked for.
102
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,035
I had a quarter of these nuts on your chin.
103
00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:21,340
(CLEARS THROAT) Right.
104
00:04:22,913 --> 00:04:24,244
It's just that I wanted to review
105
00:04:24,314 --> 00:04:25,440
some of these numbers with you.
106
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,848
It seems like our earnings are low
107
00:04:27,918 --> 00:04:29,112
against our original projections.
108
00:04:30,254 --> 00:04:32,415
These nuts were low against your chin.
109
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,895
You know, Vince,
110
00:04:41,965 --> 00:04:43,899
if you ever need to talk
to me about something,
111
00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:45,935
I'm more than happy to listen.
112
00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:48,369
These nuts would be more than
happy to rest against your chin.
113
00:04:51,108 --> 00:04:52,473
(SIGHS)
114
00:04:54,645 --> 00:04:57,580
Hey, look, you've been doing
this for about a week now,
115
00:04:57,648 --> 00:04:59,445
and it was kind of funny at first.
116
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,211
These nuts were kind
of funny against your chin.
117
00:05:02,986 --> 00:05:04,419
Vince, I'm worried about you.
118
00:05:12,963 --> 00:05:14,760
I was worried about these nuts on your chin.
119
00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:17,198
Vince, seriously.
120
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:18,791
(SIGHS)
121
00:05:19,937 --> 00:05:21,529
(WHISPERING)
These nuts were seriously on your chin.
122
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,768
Mr. Graham, I just got a call
from St. Mary's Hospital,
123
00:05:26,844 --> 00:05:29,369
and your parents
were in a serious car accident.
124
00:05:30,481 --> 00:05:33,882
I'm so sorry, but your mother is dead,
125
00:05:35,052 --> 00:05:37,247
and your father is on life support.
126
00:05:42,059 --> 00:05:43,924
(CRYING)
These nuts were supporting life on your chin.
127
00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:45,427
(CRYING) Oh, my God.
128
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,586
Sorry, Amber.
129
00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,089
Vince, you gotta stop it.
130
00:05:51,401 --> 00:05:52,732
Your mother just passed away.
131
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These nuts passed away on your chin.
132
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No, they didn't.
133
00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:58,031
They didn't. Vince.
134
00:05:59,142 --> 00:06:01,610
Listen, you gotta leave here right now
and go be with your dad.
135
00:06:01,678 --> 00:06:03,976
This could be the last time
that you get to see him.
136
00:06:04,047 --> 00:06:05,776
This could be the last time
I get to see my nuts on your...
137
00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:07,339
God damn it, Vincent.
138
00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:08,907
Your father might be dying.
139
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,978
These nuts might be dying on your chin.
140
00:06:14,157 --> 00:06:15,419
God damn it, Vince!
141
00:06:15,492 --> 00:06:17,357
Snap the fuck out of it!
142
00:06:17,427 --> 00:06:18,792
Your mother is dead.
143
00:06:24,535 --> 00:06:26,127
Right. You're right.
144
00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:28,564
- You okay?
- I'm okay.
145
00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:30,129
You... You're back.
146
00:06:30,207 --> 00:06:31,572
(WHISPERING)
I don't know what came over me.
147
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,371
- (WHISPERING) It's all right.
- (WHISPERING) It was so good.
148
00:06:34,444 --> 00:06:35,911
(WHISPERING) It was... It just
149
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:38,305
It worked in every situation,
and then it was...
150
00:06:38,382 --> 00:06:39,406
I know. I know.
151
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,110
(WHISPERING)
And it was always, it was just so funny.
152
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:42,909
Well, it wasn't it wasn't that funny.
153
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:43,975
(WHISPERING) It was funny.
154
00:06:45,022 --> 00:06:46,853
It really wasn't that funny, Vince.
155
00:06:46,924 --> 00:06:49,290
(WHISPERING) It was really funny.
156
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,489
I would not go so far as to
say it was really funny, Vince.
157
00:06:53,564 --> 00:06:54,553
(WHISPERING) It was funny.
158
00:06:55,198 --> 00:06:56,187
But it wasn't, though.
159
00:06:58,201 --> 00:06:59,190
It was.
160
00:07:00,771 --> 00:07:01,760
(WHISPERING) It wasn't.
161
00:07:03,073 --> 00:07:04,597
- Agree to disagree. It was funny.
- Okay.
162
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:05,664
(WHISPERING) It was funny.
163
00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:09,077
One more time. I'm just gonna go on
record as saying it wasn't really that funny.
164
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,845
I'm gonna go see my dad.
165
00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:14,406
It was funny.
166
00:07:14,484 --> 00:07:16,008
It wasn't that funny.
167
00:07:34,071 --> 00:07:36,335
Dad. (BREATHING HEAVILY)
168
00:07:36,406 --> 00:07:37,600
Stay with me.
169
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,266
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
170
00:07:39,343 --> 00:07:40,970
Dad, I love you.
171
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:42,671
(MONITOR BEEPING)
172
00:07:44,414 --> 00:07:45,881
And I love...
173
00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:51,220
These nuts on your chin.
174
00:07:51,288 --> 00:07:52,846
(MONITOR CONTINUES BEEPING)
175
00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:06,897
DAD: These nuts on your chin.
176
00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:12,070
(SOBBING)
177
00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:15,477
(WAILING)
178
00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:24,597
This is all about Susie Diaz.
179
00:08:24,669 --> 00:08:26,261
It's Suzie Diaz's party.
180
00:08:26,337 --> 00:08:28,862
Susie Diaz is running the show.
I'm just gonna show up.
181
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:30,532
If she needs me to bring beer or something,
182
00:08:30,608 --> 00:08:32,041
I'm more than happy to do it.
183
00:08:32,977 --> 00:08:34,569
Oh, dude. Oh, my God.
184
00:08:34,646 --> 00:08:36,978
A woman just fainted.
I'm gonna have to call you back.
185
00:08:39,217 --> 00:08:40,275
Ma'am.
186
00:08:40,351 --> 00:08:41,579
Ma'am.
187
00:08:42,821 --> 00:08:44,118
Oh... Um...
188
00:08:44,189 --> 00:08:45,178
(DIALING)
189
00:08:45,757 --> 00:08:47,190
(PHONE RINGING)
190
00:08:51,763 --> 00:08:52,752
(PHONE RINGING)
191
00:08:53,398 --> 00:08:55,229
911. What is your emergency?
192
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:58,201
Yes, yeah. I'm at the corner
of Fifth and Metropolitan,
193
00:08:58,269 --> 00:09:00,134
and I just came up across this woman,
194
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:02,935
and she just
passed out on the sidewalk here.
195
00:09:03,007 --> 00:09:04,736
Okay. And is she responsive, sir?
196
00:09:05,243 --> 00:09:06,232
Um...
197
00:09:12,350 --> 00:09:14,477
Okay, sir? Is she responsive?
198
00:09:16,855 --> 00:09:19,585
Sir? Sir?
199
00:09:19,657 --> 00:09:21,989
- Um, no.
- Sir, if you can hear me.
200
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,084
She's not responsive.
201
00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,992
She's... Beautiful.
202
00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:29,993
That is not relevant to this emergency, sir.
203
00:09:30,535 --> 00:09:31,866
An ambulance is on its way.
204
00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:33,927
In the meantime, I need you
to check her pulse, sir.
205
00:09:34,005 --> 00:09:35,905
Check her pulse.
Right, check her pulse. Okay.
206
00:09:39,010 --> 00:09:41,069
Does she have a pulse, sir?
207
00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:42,134
Oh, she does,
208
00:09:42,213 --> 00:09:43,976
but her skin is so soft.
209
00:09:44,649 --> 00:09:45,638
Sir...
210
00:09:45,717 --> 00:09:47,116
She doesn't have on a ton of makeup,
211
00:09:47,185 --> 00:09:48,743
but she's the kind of girl
212
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:50,117
- that just doesn't need it.
- Sir...
213
00:09:50,188 --> 00:09:53,089
You can see that she put a lot
of thought into her outfit,
214
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,749
but not like she's trying too hard.
215
00:09:55,493 --> 00:09:56,687
She's perfect.
216
00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:57,750
Sir, may I remind you
217
00:09:57,829 --> 00:10:00,263
that you have not spoken
a word to this woman?
218
00:10:00,331 --> 00:10:01,730
I need you to see if she's breathing.
219
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,328
Is she breathing? Yeah, okay. Hold on.
220
00:10:07,238 --> 00:10:09,365
Sir, I need you to stay on track.
221
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,670
Oh, God. Oh, God, she's not breathing!
222
00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:12,971
The love of my life is not breathing.
223
00:10:13,044 --> 00:10:14,375
(SQUEALING) You gotta save my baby!
224
00:10:14,445 --> 00:10:16,470
Do you know how to give
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?
225
00:10:16,548 --> 00:10:17,742
Yes, I do.
226
00:10:17,815 --> 00:10:19,942
Okay. I need you to administer that now.
227
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:23,146
Okay, okay. (EXHALES SHARPLY)
228
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,749
No, no. I can't. I can't.
229
00:10:28,826 --> 00:10:30,589
I can't do it. I can't can't do it.
230
00:10:30,662 --> 00:10:32,254
It's just... It's disrespectful.
231
00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:33,820
I have to be respectful for her.
232
00:10:33,898 --> 00:10:36,458
Sir, this is the only time
it's okay to put your mouth
233
00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:38,593
on an unconscious woman. Do it.
234
00:10:38,670 --> 00:10:41,002
I just didn't picture it happening this way,
235
00:10:41,072 --> 00:10:42,539
and there's butterflies
in my stomach, and I'm just
236
00:10:42,607 --> 00:10:44,973
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
I don't want to mess this up.
237
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:47,603
- It's so rare to find.
- Sir, if you can hear me,
238
00:10:47,679 --> 00:10:49,510
an ambulance is on its way.
239
00:10:49,581 --> 00:10:51,572
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I need you to calm down.
240
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:53,173
- Oh, gosh, my head.
- Sir?
241
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:54,946
- I'm so lightheaded.
- Sir, stay with me.
242
00:10:55,019 --> 00:10:56,350
This is what it feels like to be in love.
243
00:10:56,421 --> 00:10:59,549
This is what it must feel like
when you when you find the one.
244
00:10:59,624 --> 00:11:01,421
Sir, are you there?
245
00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,460
(BUSY TONE BEEPING)
246
00:11:14,639 --> 00:11:16,436
(SIRENS APPROACHING)
247
00:11:18,109 --> 00:11:19,098
Oh, God.
248
00:11:19,944 --> 00:11:20,933
(DIALING)
249
00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:23,074
(PHONE RINGING)
250
00:11:23,948 --> 00:11:24,972
(PHONE RINGING)
251
00:11:25,049 --> 00:11:26,676
911. What is your emergency?
252
00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:30,619
There's an attractive,
confident, well-to-do black man.
253
00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:33,213
He just passed out right here on the street.
254
00:11:33,291 --> 00:11:35,555
Okay. Ma'am, listen very carefully.
255
00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,857
I'm going to need you to marry him.
256
00:11:38,696 --> 00:11:39,958
(STUTTERING) Okay.
257
00:11:40,031 --> 00:11:42,363
(GASPS) Shouldn't I give him, like,
mouth to mouth first?
258
00:11:44,035 --> 00:11:46,367
Yeah, girl. Get you some. Shoot.
259
00:11:52,143 --> 00:11:56,204
What would this country
be like if black people...
260
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,716
Say we were brought over as slaves,
261
00:11:59,784 --> 00:12:03,652
and then early on, black people
revolted, took over the country,
262
00:12:04,489 --> 00:12:07,424
and said these evil motherfuckers are now
263
00:12:07,492 --> 00:12:10,825
- are the lower class, these slaves.
- Do you know what'd happen then?
264
00:12:10,928 --> 00:12:13,829
Then the song Chocolate City
by Parliament Funkadelic
265
00:12:13,898 --> 00:12:15,195
would be our national anthem.
266
00:12:15,633 --> 00:12:17,157
That's right. That's what it would be.
267
00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:20,762
And white people would have
a song talking about vanillas.
268
00:12:20,838 --> 00:12:22,066
"Vanilla Village."
269
00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:25,007
(SINGING)
Vanilla Village, where all the whites live
270
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,543
Here's my question to you.
271
00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,101
Would, then...
272
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,747
White people being the oppressed race,
273
00:12:31,883 --> 00:12:33,976
would they have the soul?
274
00:12:34,052 --> 00:12:36,350
Would they have invented the blues?
275
00:12:36,421 --> 00:12:39,913
Would there be black people
who are trying to act cool
276
00:12:39,991 --> 00:12:43,427
like white people called "blonkies"?
277
00:12:43,494 --> 00:12:44,654
Man, look at these blonkies.
278
00:12:44,729 --> 00:12:46,526
And you what the crazy thing is?
279
00:12:46,597 --> 00:12:47,894
Barack Obama would still be president.
280
00:12:47,965 --> 00:12:49,330
He would still be president.
281
00:12:56,207 --> 00:12:57,572
Spare some change?
282
00:12:58,409 --> 00:12:59,774
MAN:
Sorry, man. I ain't got nothing.
283
00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:01,534
All right.
284
00:13:05,183 --> 00:13:06,241
(POLICE SIREN BLARING)
285
00:13:09,620 --> 00:13:10,746
Hold it right there.
286
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:14,948
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
- Let's see some ID.
287
00:13:15,359 --> 00:13:17,156
I wasn't even doing anything, man.
288
00:13:17,261 --> 00:13:20,389
- Are you talking back to me?
- No. I was just walking, man.
289
00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:23,059
Look, there is no reason
for you to get upset, sir.
290
00:13:23,134 --> 00:13:24,965
- I'm not. I'm not.
- All right, that's it.
291
00:13:25,036 --> 00:13:26,867
- Put your hands on your head.
- Put my hands on my...
292
00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:28,838
Put your hands on your head, yes!
293
00:13:30,775 --> 00:13:32,072
You had your chance.
294
00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:35,976
Listen, man, can I just ask you,
295
00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:38,072
like, politely, what it is that I did?
296
00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:39,377
Think I was born yesterday?
297
00:13:39,450 --> 00:13:40,917
- Come on, man, I...
- POLICEMAN: Get in the car.
298
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:41,974
Duck your head.
299
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:43,042
(SCREAMS)
300
00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:44,745
(GRUNTING)
301
00:13:47,191 --> 00:13:48,180
(CLANGING)
302
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,552
All right, Officer.
303
00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:51,754
I'll take it from here.
304
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:56,395
Well, hi, Wally. Good to see you.
305
00:13:57,468 --> 00:13:58,457
He's all yours.
306
00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:00,459
All right.
307
00:14:01,973 --> 00:14:03,133
- What?
- (POLICEMAN CHUCKLES)
308
00:14:04,442 --> 00:14:06,501
- Y'all have a good night.
- All right.
309
00:14:06,577 --> 00:14:07,874
Thanks, man, but where are we going?
310
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:10,012
I'm glad you asked.
311
00:14:11,983 --> 00:14:12,972
Follow me.
312
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:14,039
Through there?
313
00:14:14,552 --> 00:14:15,610
(SCREAMS)
314
00:14:17,288 --> 00:14:19,620
- (GRUNTS)
- (LAUGHS)
315
00:14:20,091 --> 00:14:22,582
Whoa. Look at this place.
316
00:14:23,494 --> 00:14:24,483
Where are we?
317
00:14:24,562 --> 00:14:26,928
Just be patient, and I'll show you.
318
00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:28,894
Your suit changed.
319
00:14:28,966 --> 00:14:30,558
Follow me to a place I know
320
00:14:30,635 --> 00:14:32,262
Where there ain't no pain, ain't no sorrow
321
00:14:32,336 --> 00:14:36,773
It's a place to be if your skin is brown
322
00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:40,242
I'm talking about Negrotown
323
00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:43,469
Negrotown?
324
00:14:43,548 --> 00:14:44,913
What, like Atlanta?
325
00:14:44,982 --> 00:14:46,813
(LAUGHS) Almost.
326
00:14:46,884 --> 00:14:48,374
Now, be quiet while I sing.
327
00:14:49,420 --> 00:14:51,217
In Negrotown, you can walk the street
328
00:14:51,289 --> 00:14:53,280
Without getting stopped, harassed, or beat
329
00:14:53,357 --> 00:14:56,520
And there's always a cab
when you need to get around
330
00:14:56,594 --> 00:14:57,652
(HONKS)
331
00:14:57,728 --> 00:15:00,754
- And they always stop...
- In Negrotown
332
00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:04,560
I think I'm getting it.
333
00:15:04,635 --> 00:15:06,466
It's like a utopia for black people.
334
00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:10,371
Yeah. But seriously, shut the fuck up.
335
00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:14,309
You won't get followed when you try to shop
336
00:15:14,378 --> 00:15:18,280
(ALL SINGING)
You can wear your hoodie and not get shot
337
00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:22,115
No white folks to cross the street in fear
338
00:15:22,186 --> 00:15:25,952
(ALL SINGING)
No trigger happy cops or scared cashiers
339
00:15:26,023 --> 00:15:30,187
That loan application can't get turned down
340
00:15:30,261 --> 00:15:33,253
You're always approved in Negrotown
341
00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:34,320
This is amazing.
342
00:15:34,398 --> 00:15:35,422
I know, right?
343
00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:37,425
(WOMEN SINGING)
We're going down to Negrotown
344
00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:39,298
Where the strong black men are raining down
345
00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:43,636
There's light skinned,
dark-skinned, every shade
346
00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:47,667
And there's no white bitches
to take them away
347
00:15:49,914 --> 00:15:51,381
This sounds too good to be true.
348
00:15:51,449 --> 00:15:53,383
It does, doesn't it?
349
00:15:53,451 --> 00:15:55,316
- But can a nigga finish a song?
- Oh.
350
00:15:55,386 --> 00:15:58,412
I mean, can a nigga finish?
351
00:15:58,489 --> 00:16:00,514
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
352
00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:02,491
(SINGING)
In Negrotown, you'll live long and well
353
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,425
There's no disease, no sickle cell
354
00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:06,827
No stupid ass white folks touching your hair
355
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:09,264
Or stealing your coats
or claiming it's theirs
356
00:16:10,902 --> 00:16:14,633
Hanging out in a group
doesn't make you a gang
357
00:16:14,705 --> 00:16:18,505
Every word that you say
ain't considered slang
358
00:16:18,576 --> 00:16:21,875
No one trying to get
in on the latest trend
359
00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:25,746
By making you their token black friend
360
00:16:25,816 --> 00:16:29,308
It's a place where harmony is found
361
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:33,448
(ALL SINGING)
It's a motherfucking black playground
362
00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:37,722
Talking about Negrotown
363
00:16:37,795 --> 00:16:39,456
(ALL SINGING)
Talking about Negro, talking about Negro
364
00:16:39,530 --> 00:16:41,191
Negro, Negro, Negro
365
00:16:41,265 --> 00:16:47,932
Talking about Negrotown
366
00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:55,037
MAN: Sir?
367
00:16:55,646 --> 00:16:56,704
Sir?
368
00:16:57,181 --> 00:16:58,239
Sir?
369
00:16:58,883 --> 00:17:00,578
- MAN: Sir?
- (GROANING)
370
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,714
- What?
- MAN: All right, get up.
371
00:17:04,088 --> 00:17:05,885
- (GROANS)
- MAN: Let's go. Get up.
372
00:17:05,957 --> 00:17:07,185
Wait a sec.
373
00:17:07,258 --> 00:17:08,816
Wait... Wait... Hold on. What?
374
00:17:08,893 --> 00:17:10,793
I thought I was going to Negrotown.
375
00:17:11,128 --> 00:17:12,459
Oh, you are.
376
00:17:32,416 --> 00:17:34,077
- JORDAN: Can I give you an acting note?
- Sure, yeah.
377
00:17:34,151 --> 00:17:35,482
I mean 'cause, we're, you know, actors.
378
00:17:35,553 --> 00:17:37,384
- We need to get notes from one another.
- We need to grow.
379
00:17:37,455 --> 00:17:39,320
Try acting a character a little bit less.
380
00:17:40,566 --> 00:17:41,590
(LAUGHS)
381
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:42,998
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
382
00:17:43,102 --> 00:17:44,797
(BOTH LAUGHING)
383
00:17:45,838 --> 00:17:47,465
Whoo! Okay, here we go.
384
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:48,973
(COUGHS) All right, I'm...
385
00:17:49,041 --> 00:17:50,372
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
386
00:17:52,011 --> 00:17:54,844
- I'm sorry.
- Get it. Get it.
387
00:17:54,914 --> 00:17:57,075
Get that laugh. Get it out.
388
00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:58,378
This is, like, an exercise.
389
00:17:58,451 --> 00:18:00,578
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
390
00:18:00,653 --> 00:18:01,847
Working them gigs.
391
00:18:01,921 --> 00:18:04,082
- Got to get them gigs.
- (KEEGAN CONTINUES LAUGHING)
392
00:18:04,157 --> 00:18:05,146
Got to get them gigs.
393
00:18:06,592 --> 00:18:08,457
(LAUGHS) Okay, fucking...
394
00:18:08,528 --> 00:18:11,326
Fuck it! Fuck it! I'm here. Fuck this shit!
395
00:18:13,399 --> 00:18:17,130
My name's Wendell, and I, too, am asexual.
396
00:18:17,203 --> 00:18:18,534
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
397
00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:21,028
It is true, though.
398
00:18:22,408 --> 00:18:23,807
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
399
00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:26,811
- Oh, yeah. Thanks, man.
- Did you just call me "man"?
400
00:18:26,879 --> 00:18:28,369
That's how comfortable I am with you.
401
00:18:28,447 --> 00:18:29,436
But if you were a guy,
402
00:18:30,183 --> 00:18:32,117
I'd still jam my fork in
those fucking roast beef
403
00:18:32,185 --> 00:18:33,516
(LAUGHING)
404
00:18:35,221 --> 00:18:38,554
- Is there a Cyrano de Bergerac behind you?
- (LAUGHING)
405
00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:39,818
I like how you're getting my side.
406
00:18:39,892 --> 00:18:41,052
God, it's like you have three hands.
407
00:18:41,794 --> 00:18:42,783
There it is.
408
00:18:42,862 --> 00:18:44,295
(BOTH LAUGHING)
409
00:18:45,097 --> 00:18:47,691
No, Papi. No, Papi. No, Papi. No!
410
00:18:47,767 --> 00:18:49,166
You're talking about no Papi?
411
00:18:49,235 --> 00:18:50,634
(BOTH LAUGHING)
412
00:18:50,703 --> 00:18:53,866
- I will skewer you with my dick!
- Yeah?
413
00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:55,635
- Oh, yeah!
- I'll take it!
414
00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:57,073
What else do you...
415
00:18:57,143 --> 00:18:58,201
(LAUGHING)
416
00:18:58,277 --> 00:19:01,144
Destination wedding, baby,
Acapulco, June 27th.
417
00:19:01,948 --> 00:19:03,313
All right.
418
00:19:03,382 --> 00:19:04,872
(LAUGHING)
419
00:19:06,919 --> 00:19:10,616
I wish them terrorists
would try to even think
420
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:13,318
about just dropping straight...
421
00:19:13,392 --> 00:19:14,757
(LAUGHING)
422
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:17,796
Ah, shit.
423
00:19:17,863 --> 00:19:20,058
I'm gonna stay in this zone, though.
424
00:19:20,132 --> 00:19:21,690
And now I clinch.
425
00:19:22,435 --> 00:19:24,335
- Snap.
- (LAUGHING)
426
00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:26,303
You snap that nigga's dick off!
427
00:19:27,306 --> 00:19:28,773
Oh! (LAUGHS)
428
00:19:28,841 --> 00:19:31,139
Hold on a second. I'm over here.
429
00:19:31,210 --> 00:19:33,269
Wait a second. Shit got caught up.
430
00:19:33,346 --> 00:19:34,677
I'm caught up. Hold up.
431
00:19:34,747 --> 00:19:35,805
We were talking about breakfast.
432
00:19:35,881 --> 00:19:37,849
- (BELCHES)
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
433
00:19:38,684 --> 00:19:40,083
(WHISPERING) So that's what I'm gonna do...
434
00:19:42,421 --> 00:19:44,889
Mark with a K.
435
00:19:47,426 --> 00:19:48,757
(LAUGHING)
436
00:20:09,051 --> 00:20:11,076
- Is this the place?
- This is the place.
437
00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:20,555
(SIGHS)
438
00:20:26,969 --> 00:20:32,703
BOTH: I said, "Bitch!"
439
00:20:33,475 --> 00:20:35,739
- Oh!
- (SIGHS)
440
00:20:39,881 --> 00:20:41,906
- You want to go back?
- Yeah. My girl's expecting me.
441
00:20:55,697 --> 00:20:57,665
MAN: (SINGING)
I'm gonna do my one line here
442
00:20:57,733 --> 00:20:59,325
Oh, yeah.
443
00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:06,773
(MAN COUGHS)
444
00:21:10,212 --> 00:21:11,679
(MAN COUGHING)
445
00:21:14,349 --> 00:21:15,839
This motherfucker.
446
00:21:15,917 --> 00:21:17,885
(BOTH LAUGHING)
447
00:21:19,739 --> 00:21:24,739
Ripped & Corrected By mstoll
448
00:21:24,789 --> 00:21:29,339
Repair and Synchronization by
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