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1
00:00:00,042 --> 00:00:01,680
I said it.
I said it right there.
2
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,287
I was like,
"You a woman."
3
00:00:03,324 --> 00:00:04,158
- Mm-hmm.
- "I'm a man."
4
00:00:04,177 --> 00:00:05,460
- Mm-hmm.
- There's a difference--
5
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,838
Oh, what?
6
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:08,475
They bumpin' [bleep]
up in here.
7
00:00:08,559 --> 00:00:09,824
Here it is.
It's going off.
8
00:00:09,878 --> 00:00:11,253
Yo!
Hey!
9
00:00:13,553 --> 00:00:17,270
Which one of y'all
mother[bleep]...
10
00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:20,460
- ...bumped me?
- I did.
11
00:00:20,602 --> 00:00:23,436
What the [bleep] you gonna do
about it?
12
00:00:23,751 --> 00:00:25,301
What's up?
13
00:00:28,084 --> 00:00:30,835
Oh, I'll tell you
what I'ma do about it!
14
00:00:30,921 --> 00:00:32,053
You don't want
to do this today.
15
00:00:32,172 --> 00:00:33,171
Ooh, yeah.
Yeah, what?
16
00:00:33,256 --> 00:00:34,505
You lucky my friend's
holding me.
17
00:00:34,591 --> 00:00:36,257
You lucky,
'cause I'll tear your head off!
18
00:00:36,343 --> 00:00:38,560
Don't hold me back, dude!
Don't hold me back!
19
00:00:38,678 --> 00:00:40,311
Oh, okay.
Then go for it.
20
00:00:45,819 --> 00:00:47,518
See, I know, though,
21
00:00:47,604 --> 00:00:49,821
if I were to lunge
at you right now,
22
00:00:49,906 --> 00:00:51,823
my friend right here--
he'd catch me
23
00:00:51,908 --> 00:00:53,191
at the last
possible second--
24
00:00:53,326 --> 00:00:55,360
No, no,
no, I won't.
25
00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:05,003
But my friend does have
the cognizance
26
00:01:05,088 --> 00:01:07,789
to tell me I don't need
to be going up
27
00:01:07,874 --> 00:01:10,925
and committing capital murder
up in a club tonight.
28
00:01:11,044 --> 00:01:12,543
Oh, no, just knock him
unconscious, dog.
29
00:01:12,679 --> 00:01:15,013
Bam!
30
00:01:15,098 --> 00:01:16,214
You don't have
to kill anybody.
31
00:01:16,349 --> 00:01:19,767
I mean, no need for that.
That's excessive.
32
00:01:19,886 --> 00:01:21,853
Tear him up.
33
00:01:21,938 --> 00:01:23,771
I will, but--
34
00:01:23,890 --> 00:01:27,692
(stammering)
Wait. Let me finish my sentence.
35
00:01:27,777 --> 00:01:30,361
I will, uh...
36
00:01:32,782 --> 00:01:34,315
Oh!
37
00:01:34,401 --> 00:01:37,368
Oh, snap.
You know what?
38
00:01:37,454 --> 00:01:39,904
You lucky my boy's using
his telekinetic powers
39
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,572
to hold me back
right now.
40
00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:43,124
No, I'm not.
41
00:01:43,513 --> 00:01:47,848
Well, maybe it's the type
of telekinesis
42
00:01:47,946 --> 00:01:51,549
that's a mutant power that you
didn't realize you had
43
00:01:51,635 --> 00:01:54,085
until the moment it--
44
00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:55,420
Oh, oh!
45
00:01:55,505 --> 00:01:56,804
I got it.
I see, I see.
46
00:01:56,923 --> 00:01:58,006
So you want me
to hold you back.
47
00:01:58,091 --> 00:01:59,307
[bleep]...
48
00:01:59,426 --> 00:02:00,892
(screaming)
49
00:02:00,977 --> 00:02:02,310
I'm a dragon.
50
00:02:02,429 --> 00:02:03,939
Oh, yeah,
I want to rip this.
51
00:02:03,973 --> 00:02:05,980
I'm a lion.
I'm a tiger over here.
52
00:02:06,099 --> 00:02:07,899
I'm a bear.
Oh, my.
53
00:02:07,984 --> 00:02:09,350
I'll go crazy
on you.
54
00:02:09,436 --> 00:02:10,614
Oh, I can't believe it.
55
00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:12,349
The man-- He's like a tornado
up in here.
56
00:02:12,405 --> 00:02:13,488
Don't hold me back.
57
00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:15,073
I can't even believe
I can hold him back.
58
00:02:15,158 --> 00:02:16,074
Do it, man!
59
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:17,358
I can't believe
I'm this strong!
60
00:02:17,444 --> 00:02:18,826
Let me go!
Let me go!
61
00:02:18,945 --> 00:02:20,912
I'm one-arming it.
I can't believe I'm this strong.
62
00:02:20,997 --> 00:02:21,946
Let me go!
63
00:02:22,032 --> 00:02:23,281
I'ma hold him back
with one finger.
64
00:02:23,366 --> 00:02:24,866
He's like a little baby.
He can't get past me.
65
00:02:24,951 --> 00:02:26,284
He's like a little--Ow!
What?
66
00:02:26,369 --> 00:02:29,120
- I'm a little baby?
- I'm holding you back, man!
67
00:02:29,255 --> 00:02:30,421
- You're stupid, man!
- I know.
68
00:02:30,507 --> 00:02:31,839
I got carried away.
I apologize.
69
00:02:31,958 --> 00:02:33,257
What you mean
you got carried away?
70
00:02:33,343 --> 00:02:35,259
You told me to hold you back.
I was holding you back.
71
00:02:35,345 --> 00:02:36,344
What do you
want me to do?
72
00:02:36,463 --> 00:02:37,679
In a fight situation,
no means no,
73
00:02:37,797 --> 00:02:38,680
and yes means yes.
74
00:02:38,798 --> 00:02:40,098
How would
I have known that?
75
00:02:40,183 --> 00:02:41,516
Oh, wait.
Come on, man, ow.
76
00:02:41,634 --> 00:02:42,800
Come on, that hurt.
77
00:02:42,886 --> 00:02:43,885
And you holding me
back now?
78
00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:45,520
Thank you
very much for that.
79
00:02:45,638 --> 00:02:48,022
Okay, well,
just at least change it up.
80
00:02:48,141 --> 00:02:49,607
Okay, now
you listen.
81
00:02:49,693 --> 00:02:52,610
(haunting Western music)
82
00:02:52,696 --> 00:02:56,548
83
00:03:12,002 --> 00:03:15,234
Sync & corrections by dwigt
addic7ed.com
84
00:03:16,069 --> 00:03:17,952
- You know what we have as men?
- What's that?
85
00:03:18,037 --> 00:03:21,539
The sorrow to know
that we will never
86
00:03:21,658 --> 00:03:25,576
bring life
into this planet.
87
00:03:25,662 --> 00:03:27,578
Are you-- Is that something
that you're mourning?
88
00:03:27,664 --> 00:03:28,746
Are you mourning
the fact
89
00:03:28,831 --> 00:03:30,298
that you don't have
that opportunity?
90
00:03:30,383 --> 00:03:33,668
I mean, women have
the special superhuman power
91
00:03:33,803 --> 00:03:36,921
to produce another human
from their body.
92
00:03:37,006 --> 00:03:38,506
We do help
in that endeavor...
93
00:03:38,641 --> 00:03:40,841
- more often than not.
- Eh.
94
00:03:40,977 --> 00:03:42,944
We toss a little
something in there,
95
00:03:43,012 --> 00:03:43,928
into the mixture.
96
00:03:44,013 --> 00:03:45,229
Did you have
to say "toss"?
97
00:03:45,348 --> 00:03:48,733
Well, you know,
you do things your way.
98
00:03:48,851 --> 00:03:51,235
I'll do things my way.
99
00:03:51,354 --> 00:03:52,486
Do you know
what I mean?
100
00:03:52,572 --> 00:03:53,854
Mm-mm. No.
No, no, wait.
101
00:03:53,940 --> 00:03:54,939
Hold on. No.
I do not--
102
00:03:55,024 --> 00:03:57,158
I have no idea
what you mean.
103
00:04:02,665 --> 00:04:03,864
So what do you want
to do tonight?
104
00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:05,533
Like, I was thinking
maybe we could meet up
105
00:04:05,618 --> 00:04:07,201
with Amy and Brad,
and, like, before that,
106
00:04:07,287 --> 00:04:08,786
we could go to Angela's,
and before that,
107
00:04:08,871 --> 00:04:10,037
we could, like, just go--
108
00:04:10,173 --> 00:04:12,540
Meegan.
109
00:04:12,625 --> 00:04:14,675
I have something
to say.
110
00:04:16,846 --> 00:04:17,929
(exhales sharply)
111
00:04:18,047 --> 00:04:19,764
I had to say it
in person
112
00:04:19,882 --> 00:04:23,634
because it's--
it's, like, super important.
113
00:04:25,688 --> 00:04:28,389
Okay.
114
00:04:28,524 --> 00:04:30,224
Um...
115
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:32,727
I know this is sudden,
but, like,
116
00:04:32,862 --> 00:04:36,063
I've been thinking
about this for a while.
117
00:04:36,199 --> 00:04:40,067
And I know this is something
that needs to happen.
118
00:04:40,153 --> 00:04:41,402
I'm breaking up
with you.
119
00:04:41,537 --> 00:04:42,903
Cool.
Love it.
120
00:04:43,039 --> 00:04:45,156
Totally fine
with that.
121
00:04:48,995 --> 00:04:51,078
- R-Really?
- Yeah.
122
00:04:51,164 --> 00:04:53,247
'Cause I thought--
123
00:04:53,383 --> 00:04:54,749
I was really worried
124
00:04:54,834 --> 00:04:57,301
that you were
gonna be, like, mad.
125
00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:59,170
Mad?
Oh, my God.
126
00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:00,671
Are you kidding me?
127
00:05:00,757 --> 00:05:03,257
No, of course
I'm not mad.
128
00:05:03,343 --> 00:05:04,925
People grow apart.
It happens.
129
00:05:05,011 --> 00:05:06,177
It's, like,
part of life.
130
00:05:06,262 --> 00:05:07,428
No, I'm totally fine.
131
00:05:07,513 --> 00:05:10,681
Like, love it,
love it, love it.
132
00:05:10,767 --> 00:05:13,067
Um...
(clears throat)
133
00:05:13,152 --> 00:05:15,569
So...
134
00:05:15,655 --> 00:05:17,188
Uh, um...
135
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,523
we had a good run.
136
00:05:19,609 --> 00:05:20,691
Yeah.
137
00:05:24,947 --> 00:05:27,531
And, uh, don't be
a stranger.
138
00:05:27,617 --> 00:05:30,167
Can I just--
139
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:32,286
Can I ask why?
140
00:05:32,372 --> 00:05:34,588
- Why?
- Yeah, like, whatevs.
141
00:05:34,674 --> 00:05:36,207
Like, I'm doing some work
on myself
142
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:37,842
and, like, trying to grow
as a person,
143
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,795
so I'd really, like,
appreciate to know why.
144
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,430
Yeah, um...
145
00:05:42,515 --> 00:05:44,131
Okay, yeah,
that's, like--
146
00:05:44,267 --> 00:05:46,517
You know, I think
that you're kind of, like,
147
00:05:46,636 --> 00:05:48,769
a controlling
person who--
148
00:05:48,855 --> 00:05:50,137
Thank you.
Thank you for that.
149
00:05:50,223 --> 00:05:53,107
That's nice.
Thank you for that.
150
00:05:53,192 --> 00:05:54,809
Cool.
No problem.
151
00:05:54,894 --> 00:05:56,977
So you know what
your problem is, Andre?
152
00:05:57,113 --> 00:05:58,195
What?
153
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,232
You keep tabs
on people.
154
00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:02,650
Every little thing
somebody does,
155
00:06:02,735 --> 00:06:06,203
you have to keep
a tab of it.
156
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:09,206
Wait. I-I can't tell
if you're angry or not.
157
00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,324
I'm not.
158
00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:12,710
Mm, totally not angry.
159
00:06:12,829 --> 00:06:13,961
No, I'm excited.
It's good.
160
00:06:14,047 --> 00:06:16,163
It's just, like,
you said your piece,
161
00:06:16,299 --> 00:06:19,667
and I just think
that I deserve the human decency
162
00:06:19,802 --> 00:06:21,085
to say my piece.
163
00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:22,136
Right, right.
164
00:06:22,221 --> 00:06:24,221
Is that--
is that not okay?
165
00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,507
No, no, no.
It's--
166
00:06:26,592 --> 00:06:28,676
Of course, of course.
167
00:06:28,761 --> 00:06:30,478
You're a controlling,
manipulative person.
168
00:06:30,563 --> 00:06:31,846
Everyone says that.
169
00:06:31,931 --> 00:06:33,347
I-I don't think
that I am.
170
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:35,349
Yes, you are, Andre.
171
00:06:35,435 --> 00:06:39,153
Yes, you mother[bleep] are.
172
00:06:39,238 --> 00:06:41,322
Okay, now--now,
you sound pretty angry.
173
00:06:41,407 --> 00:06:43,524
I'm not angry!
174
00:06:43,659 --> 00:06:45,659
I'm not angry.
I'm fine.
175
00:06:45,745 --> 00:06:46,660
I love it!
176
00:06:46,746 --> 00:06:48,496
I love that you came
to my house,
177
00:06:48,581 --> 00:06:50,331
and you broke up with me
in my space.
178
00:06:50,416 --> 00:06:52,333
And I'm gonna think about that
every time I'm here.
179
00:06:52,418 --> 00:06:53,868
That's great.
That is so perfect for me.
180
00:06:54,003 --> 00:06:56,170
(crying) It's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
181
00:06:56,255 --> 00:06:57,505
Where else was
I supposed to do it?
182
00:06:57,590 --> 00:06:58,839
'ause you won't come
to my house.
183
00:06:58,925 --> 00:07:01,592
Oh, here he is.
The puppet master is back.
184
00:07:01,711 --> 00:07:03,344
But I'm not--
No, I'm not the puppet master.
185
00:07:03,429 --> 00:07:04,712
Why are you
doing this to me?
186
00:07:04,847 --> 00:07:06,297
It's true.
You won't come to my house.
187
00:07:06,382 --> 00:07:08,015
You said my apartment
looks like two rats
188
00:07:08,101 --> 00:07:09,550
just [bleep] in it
every [bleep] day.
189
00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:11,552
Oh, right,
like, thank you for that.
190
00:07:11,637 --> 00:07:12,853
I'm a bitch.
Thank you.
191
00:07:12,939 --> 00:07:14,388
I didn't call--
No, I didn't say "bitch."
192
00:07:14,474 --> 00:07:15,473
- I didn't--
- Which is it?
193
00:07:15,558 --> 00:07:16,807
Am I evil,
or am I a bitch?
194
00:07:16,893 --> 00:07:18,109
No, no, you're
not evil, Meegan.
195
00:07:18,227 --> 00:07:19,894
Well, then why
are you punishing me?
196
00:07:20,029 --> 00:07:21,946
I'm not punishing you.
I'm not--
197
00:07:22,064 --> 00:07:23,114
You broke up with me,
198
00:07:23,232 --> 00:07:24,648
and I'm not supposed
to feel punished.
199
00:07:24,734 --> 00:07:27,067
- Who thinks like that?
- (shouting)
200
00:07:27,203 --> 00:07:29,120
I don't know!
I'm sorry.
201
00:07:29,238 --> 00:07:30,905
I'm sorry,
okay, Meegan?
202
00:07:30,990 --> 00:07:32,406
I guess I didn't think
it through.
203
00:07:32,542 --> 00:07:33,741
Well, it's, like,
too late now.
204
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,659
- I mean, we're done.
- No, it's not too late.
205
00:07:35,745 --> 00:07:37,878
Meegan, Meegan,
seriously, I just--
206
00:07:37,964 --> 00:07:41,248
I-I-I had a feeling
that I thought was true,
207
00:07:41,384 --> 00:07:43,584
and clearly--
clearly it wasn't true.
208
00:07:43,719 --> 00:07:45,753
Like, I'm so confused.
209
00:07:45,888 --> 00:07:47,087
Like, are you
breaking up with me,
210
00:07:47,223 --> 00:07:48,422
or are you not
breaking up with me?
211
00:07:48,558 --> 00:07:51,258
Meegan, I'm not
breaking up with you!
212
00:07:51,344 --> 00:07:53,093
Okay, cool. So what do you want
to do tonight?
213
00:07:53,179 --> 00:07:54,678
Like, I want to hang out
with Amy and Brad,
214
00:07:54,764 --> 00:07:56,564
but maybe before that,
we can go to Angela's.
215
00:07:56,649 --> 00:07:59,567
(dark music)
216
00:07:59,652 --> 00:08:00,901
217
00:08:00,987 --> 00:08:02,987
What just happened?
218
00:08:07,514 --> 00:08:08,980
(smooth jazz music)
219
00:08:09,016 --> 00:08:10,856
Welcome back
to The Morty Jebsen Show.
220
00:08:10,892 --> 00:08:11,879
I'm Morty Jebsen.
221
00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,067
We're here today
continuing our conversation
222
00:08:14,104 --> 00:08:17,322
with unbelievable
mega superstar
223
00:08:17,441 --> 00:08:19,241
Young Bidness.
224
00:08:19,326 --> 00:08:20,992
Now, Young Bidness,
I got to tell you,
225
00:08:21,111 --> 00:08:22,327
we've been
tiptoeing around
226
00:08:22,446 --> 00:08:23,912
a particular subject
all day,
227
00:08:23,997 --> 00:08:25,781
and I think it's time
to broach it.
228
00:08:25,916 --> 00:08:28,254
You've separated recently
with your actress girlfriend,
229
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,284
Tina Bouquet.
230
00:08:29,369 --> 00:08:31,586
- No, Mort, Mort.
- And everybody wants to know--
231
00:08:31,672 --> 00:08:33,121
We ain't gonna talk
about that.
232
00:08:33,257 --> 00:08:35,090
I'm not here
to talk about that.
233
00:08:35,122 --> 00:08:36,689
I just want to hear
your side of the story.
234
00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:38,710
You don't want to hear--
I told y'all mother[bleep]
235
00:08:38,796 --> 00:08:40,295
we weren't gonna talk
about that, Mort.
236
00:08:40,380 --> 00:08:42,047
I'm trying to talk
about the music.
237
00:08:42,132 --> 00:08:44,299
And lots of people understand
that you're talking
238
00:08:44,384 --> 00:08:46,184
about your own
personal experiences.
239
00:08:46,303 --> 00:08:48,436
Your fans
would like to know--
240
00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:49,805
How many times
I need--
241
00:08:49,890 --> 00:08:51,890
Why-- What--
The fans don't want to know.
242
00:08:51,975 --> 00:08:53,141
That's--
You want to know!
243
00:08:53,185 --> 00:08:54,443
- I just want to clarify--
- You want to know.
244
00:08:54,478 --> 00:08:56,311
You ain't want to clari--
You want clarification?
245
00:08:56,396 --> 00:08:57,813
I want to hear your side
of the story.
246
00:08:57,948 --> 00:08:59,314
I'll tell you
my side of the story.
247
00:08:59,399 --> 00:09:00,615
Interview's over.
How about that?
248
00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:01,616
Interview's over.
249
00:09:01,702 --> 00:09:02,901
- Please, Young Bidness.
- Done.
250
00:09:02,986 --> 00:09:04,653
There's no need
for the interview to be over.
251
00:09:04,788 --> 00:09:05,821
Interview's over.
252
00:09:05,906 --> 00:09:07,322
All y'all
mother[bleep].
253
00:09:07,457 --> 00:09:09,791
Young Bidness, there's no need
for the language or any of this.
254
00:09:09,877 --> 00:09:11,326
All y'all--
I told y'all mother[bleep]
255
00:09:11,461 --> 00:09:12,627
I wasn't gonna talk
about that.
256
00:09:12,713 --> 00:09:14,045
Do you want to talk
about the album?
257
00:09:14,164 --> 00:09:16,131
'cause I'd be more than happy
to talk about the album.
258
00:09:16,216 --> 00:09:17,549
- This is the C-Word.
- Mort.
259
00:09:17,668 --> 00:09:19,501
It looks like it's well
on its way to going platinum.
260
00:09:19,586 --> 00:09:21,837
[bleep]-- Get the [bleep]
away from me, [bleep].
261
00:09:21,922 --> 00:09:24,756
Louis, Louis.
262
00:09:24,842 --> 00:09:26,258
Well on its way
to going platinum.
263
00:09:26,343 --> 00:09:27,592
We can talk
about this.
264
00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:29,344
This [bleep]
is tucked in here.
265
00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:30,345
It's fine with me.
266
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:31,646
You want to talk
about the album?
267
00:09:31,732 --> 00:09:32,731
We can talk
about the album.
268
00:09:32,850 --> 00:09:33,899
How about Tanks of Truth?
269
00:09:34,017 --> 00:09:35,901
Tanks of Truth--
is that a treatise
270
00:09:36,019 --> 00:09:37,819
on the conflict
with ISIS?
271
00:09:37,905 --> 00:09:39,855
I mean, what--
talk to me about this.
272
00:09:39,990 --> 00:09:41,189
What--
273
00:09:41,275 --> 00:09:42,774
Young Bidness, please,
I'm begging you.
274
00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:44,492
Just sit down,
take a deep breath,
275
00:09:44,578 --> 00:09:45,610
and let's discuss.
276
00:09:45,696 --> 00:09:47,245
- No.
- Let's discuss the album.
277
00:09:47,364 --> 00:09:49,447
It's done, Mort.
It's done.
278
00:09:53,003 --> 00:09:54,452
So...
279
00:09:54,538 --> 00:09:55,871
You brought this
on yourself, Mort.
280
00:09:56,006 --> 00:09:57,756
- Young Bidness--
- You brought it on yourself.
281
00:09:57,875 --> 00:09:58,930
Young Bidness,
Young Bidness,
282
00:09:59,007 --> 00:10:00,625
I would really love it
if you had a seat,
283
00:10:00,711 --> 00:10:01,877
and we could just
talk together
284
00:10:01,962 --> 00:10:03,712
about anything--
anything you want.
285
00:10:03,847 --> 00:10:06,047
We don't--I won't mention
Tina's name again.
286
00:10:06,183 --> 00:10:07,215
Young Bidness.
287
00:10:07,301 --> 00:10:09,050
How the [bleep]--
288
00:10:09,186 --> 00:10:10,468
Youthful Commerce--
289
00:10:10,554 --> 00:10:11,686
How does--
where does it go to?
290
00:10:11,772 --> 00:10:13,221
Louis, help him.
291
00:10:13,307 --> 00:10:15,891
No, get the [bleep]--
get the [bleep] off me, Louis.
292
00:10:16,026 --> 00:10:17,442
Louis, go.
293
00:10:17,561 --> 00:10:18,560
Leave it be.
294
00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:20,028
You're exacerbating
the situation.
295
00:10:20,113 --> 00:10:22,030
This [bleep]
attached to?
296
00:10:22,115 --> 00:10:24,115
- It's probably--
- It's just a lot of slack.
297
00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:26,234
The cord is blending in
with the color of the carpet.
298
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,986
- So what--what--
- Okay, I just think that--
299
00:10:28,071 --> 00:10:30,655
Young Bidness, why don't
you drop the mic cable
300
00:10:30,741 --> 00:10:32,073
and have a seat?
301
00:10:32,159 --> 00:10:34,376
This is what we used to call
back in the Army a FUBAR.
302
00:10:34,461 --> 00:10:35,961
Let me just--okay,
let me just tell you--
303
00:10:36,079 --> 00:10:38,079
No, get--
don't get involved.
304
00:10:38,165 --> 00:10:39,331
We have to get you
out of here.
305
00:10:39,416 --> 00:10:41,416
Amy, please,
can we just get--
306
00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:44,469
Listen--
Here, If you let go of it...
307
00:10:44,588 --> 00:10:45,470
Let me get in there.
308
00:10:45,589 --> 00:10:47,005
Don't get in it.
Don't--See?
309
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:48,089
I'm trying
to get around--
310
00:10:48,175 --> 00:10:50,425
Don't step
on my jacket!
311
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:52,177
$1,500 jacket, bitch.
312
00:10:52,262 --> 00:10:53,428
Get--
313
00:10:53,513 --> 00:10:55,931
Why do we have black cords
and a black carpet?
314
00:10:56,016 --> 00:10:57,565
All right, well,
you mother[bleep]--
315
00:10:57,651 --> 00:11:02,237
I told y'all I wasn't gonna--
Louis, I swear to [bleep] God!
316
00:11:02,322 --> 00:11:04,155
We're gonna
take care of it.
317
00:11:04,274 --> 00:11:05,440
Just stay put.
318
00:11:05,575 --> 00:11:06,775
Now you got--
319
00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:09,110
Now I seemed to have gotten
myself tangled in it.
320
00:11:09,196 --> 00:11:11,079
Don't--you ain't--
321
00:11:11,164 --> 00:11:13,114
Get off me, man.
322
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,282
Now it's just me.
323
00:11:14,368 --> 00:11:15,283
Can I--may I help you?
324
00:11:15,369 --> 00:11:16,418
Don't touch the jacket.
325
00:11:16,503 --> 00:11:17,452
I'm sorry.
326
00:11:17,587 --> 00:11:18,787
Look, okay, here's--
327
00:11:18,922 --> 00:11:20,622
- Raise you knee.
- There's one end right here.
328
00:11:20,707 --> 00:11:23,008
- You got to get--Now--
- Hold on. I got bursitis.
329
00:11:23,126 --> 00:11:24,092
You know what?
Here.
330
00:11:24,177 --> 00:11:25,176
Here's what
we're gonna do.
331
00:11:25,295 --> 00:11:26,878
Have a seat here.
Put your fanny right here.
332
00:11:26,964 --> 00:11:28,880
- Don't say "fanny."
- There.
333
00:11:28,966 --> 00:11:30,215
- There you go.
- All right.
334
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:32,550
How you--You do it--
What, you do this--
335
00:11:32,684 --> 00:11:34,208
Don't. You ain't taking
the pants off.
336
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:36,362
Nicole, God damn it.
Where is Jerry?
337
00:11:36,473 --> 00:11:38,023
This is some [bleep]
right here.
338
00:11:38,141 --> 00:11:40,191
Same sound guy
for 27 years,
339
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:41,476
and he vanishes
into thin air.
340
00:11:41,611 --> 00:11:42,477
All right,
all right, no.
341
00:11:42,612 --> 00:11:43,611
Nicole,
for God's sake.
342
00:11:43,697 --> 00:11:46,314
All right,
Louis, Louis.
343
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:47,399
Hold that.
344
00:11:47,484 --> 00:11:49,868
Don't do anything
but hold that.
345
00:11:49,987 --> 00:11:51,202
Okay, no, no.
You got to put--
346
00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:52,454
No, [bleep],
you got to take--
347
00:11:52,539 --> 00:11:54,739
No, you can't take
the pants off over the shoes!
348
00:11:54,825 --> 00:11:56,458
You can't take
the pants off over the shoes!
349
00:11:56,543 --> 00:11:58,043
Louis, Louis,
get your white ass
350
00:11:58,161 --> 00:11:59,044
out the mother[bleep].
351
00:11:59,162 --> 00:12:00,962
You ain't
helping nobody.
352
00:12:01,048 --> 00:12:02,964
- All right, all right.
- I'm taking the shoes off.
353
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:06,051
Okay, left one first.
All right, well...
354
00:12:06,169 --> 00:12:08,303
do whatever the [bleep]
you want, then, [bleep], fine.
355
00:12:08,388 --> 00:12:10,839
Thank you.
One, two...
356
00:12:10,924 --> 00:12:12,307
Thank you!
357
00:12:12,392 --> 00:12:14,809
I told y'all I wasn't
gonna talk about that [bleep]!
358
00:12:21,268 --> 00:12:23,735
We'll be right back
with Alec Baldwin.
359
00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:26,738
(haunting Western music)
360
00:12:26,857 --> 00:12:28,907
I'm not like one
of those guys that's, like--
361
00:12:29,026 --> 00:12:30,692
who wants a girl
to call him "Daddy" or anything.
362
00:12:30,827 --> 00:12:32,444
I don't like...
(mumbling)
363
00:12:32,529 --> 00:12:34,029
- (shudders)
- Uncle is fine.
364
00:12:34,114 --> 00:12:35,613
You know
what I mean?
365
00:12:35,699 --> 00:12:37,699
- Grandpa.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
366
00:12:37,784 --> 00:12:40,201
(laughing)
367
00:12:40,287 --> 00:12:42,370
- You know, this is the--
- Papi.
368
00:12:42,506 --> 00:12:43,421
- Papi.
- Abuelo.
369
00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:44,539
You know?
Just no--
370
00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:46,541
Just--
Daddy is just--
371
00:12:46,676 --> 00:12:48,176
That's weird.
That's strange to me.
372
00:12:48,261 --> 00:12:50,011
- That's strange to me.
- It's weird.
373
00:12:50,097 --> 00:12:51,262
That's strange
to me.
374
00:12:51,381 --> 00:12:54,049
Your Highness.
These are the kind of--
375
00:12:54,184 --> 00:12:55,350
Big boy.
376
00:12:55,435 --> 00:12:56,718
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
377
00:12:56,803 --> 00:12:58,436
Paul Bunyan.
378
00:12:58,555 --> 00:12:59,888
I'll go for "babe."
379
00:12:59,973 --> 00:13:01,356
Oh, hello.
380
00:13:03,980 --> 00:13:05,229
(haunting Western music)
381
00:13:07,192 --> 00:13:10,944
Do you think a girl would be
disappointed if I got her
382
00:13:11,029 --> 00:13:14,197
a ring that was diamonds
made to look like
383
00:13:14,332 --> 00:13:15,999
the Ghostbusters symbol?
384
00:13:16,084 --> 00:13:18,081
Do not make me
stop this car,
385
00:13:18,837 --> 00:13:20,787
'cause I will stop this car
and strand you
386
00:13:20,872 --> 00:13:22,422
in the middle
of the Mojave Desert.
387
00:13:22,455 --> 00:13:23,532
I'm just asking
a question.
388
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:24,707
That's the most--No.
389
00:13:24,843 --> 00:13:26,376
That's the most
ludicrous thing
390
00:13:26,511 --> 00:13:28,211
I've ever heard you
utter in my life.
391
00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:30,046
That's what I mean.
Well, I just--
392
00:13:30,131 --> 00:13:31,965
Is that a thought
that was in your mind?
393
00:13:32,050 --> 00:13:32,966
I'm thinking something--
394
00:13:33,051 --> 00:13:34,934
I mean, we both
have to look at it
395
00:13:35,053 --> 00:13:36,019
all the time,
396
00:13:36,104 --> 00:13:38,855
so it's, like,
you know--
397
00:13:38,940 --> 00:13:42,191
She wants something
that comes from my heart.
398
00:13:42,277 --> 00:13:43,309
The Ghostbusters symbol--
399
00:13:43,395 --> 00:13:44,777
that's just, like,
the first thing--
400
00:13:44,896 --> 00:13:46,613
Oh, Jordan.
401
00:13:46,731 --> 00:13:48,731
Don't ever
do that again.
402
00:13:48,817 --> 00:13:51,117
Don't ever speak to me
of diamond-encrusted
403
00:13:51,236 --> 00:13:53,236
Ghostbusters symbols
again, ever.
404
00:13:53,321 --> 00:13:54,719
Buy that for you.
405
00:13:58,910 --> 00:14:00,326
There you go.
406
00:14:00,412 --> 00:14:01,411
Excuse me.
407
00:14:01,546 --> 00:14:02,578
Oh, excuse me, sir.
408
00:14:02,714 --> 00:14:04,297
Are you
sitting in 26G?
409
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:05,381
Yes.
410
00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:06,549
Have I done
something wrong?
411
00:14:06,565 --> 00:14:07,917
No, no, no, no,
we just wanted to ask
412
00:14:07,965 --> 00:14:09,252
if you would mind
switching seats
413
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,471
so that a mother and a child
could sit together.
414
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,761
But I'm back there.
415
00:14:14,864 --> 00:14:17,010
Right, yeah, but you'd
actually be sitting here...
416
00:14:17,095 --> 00:14:19,668
(gentle harp flourish)
417
00:14:19,753 --> 00:14:21,669
Which is
in Economy Plus.
418
00:14:22,117 --> 00:14:23,900
It's actually
an upgrade.
419
00:14:23,985 --> 00:14:24,984
Upgrade, you say.
420
00:14:25,070 --> 00:14:26,986
Mm-hmm.
421
00:14:27,072 --> 00:14:28,655
Economy Plus.
422
00:14:28,740 --> 00:14:29,739
Yes, sir.
423
00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:31,908
Oh.
424
00:14:31,993 --> 00:14:33,243
Don't mind
if I do.
425
00:14:33,378 --> 00:14:35,044
Great, great.
Carry-on?
426
00:14:35,130 --> 00:14:37,831
Carry on
yourself, Alex.
427
00:14:37,916 --> 00:14:39,299
Thank you.
428
00:14:39,417 --> 00:14:41,668
(classical music)
429
00:14:41,753 --> 00:14:43,553
Economy Plus.
430
00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:45,755
Mm, for the discerning
passenger.
431
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:47,257
(chuckles)
432
00:14:47,392 --> 00:14:48,308
(chuckles)
433
00:14:48,727 --> 00:14:52,545
We're not
in Kansas anymore, Toto.
434
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:55,005
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
435
00:14:55,107 --> 00:14:57,908
We should be leaving Topeka
in the next ten minutes.
436
00:14:57,933 --> 00:14:59,316
I stand corrected.
437
00:14:59,396 --> 00:15:01,313
Looks like we're gonna have
a smooth flight.
438
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,826
Trust me,
I know the captain,
439
00:15:02,893 --> 00:15:05,093
and he is, uh,
one smooth guy.
440
00:15:05,443 --> 00:15:07,744
- (scoffs)
- (chuckles)
441
00:15:11,449 --> 00:15:14,617
(laughing)
442
00:15:18,673 --> 00:15:21,174
Of course
he knows the captain.
443
00:15:21,293 --> 00:15:22,759
He is the captain.
444
00:15:22,844 --> 00:15:26,462
Oh-ho-ho!
Ho! Oh!
445
00:15:26,548 --> 00:15:28,662
Move over,
Colin Mochrie.
446
00:15:28,723 --> 00:15:31,134
There's a new face
in the biz.
447
00:15:31,269 --> 00:15:33,052
His name is Captain.
448
00:15:33,138 --> 00:15:36,139
(laughing)
449
00:15:37,776 --> 00:15:40,860
Have to be in Economy Plus
to get it, I guess.
450
00:15:40,979 --> 00:15:42,478
(sighs)
451
00:15:45,917 --> 00:15:48,401
Extra foot room.
452
00:15:48,486 --> 00:15:50,987
One inch at least.
453
00:15:51,122 --> 00:15:52,739
Mm.
454
00:15:55,961 --> 00:15:58,828
Sky Shoppe magazine.
455
00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:00,046
(chuckles)
456
00:16:00,165 --> 00:16:02,298
Don't mind if I do.
457
00:16:03,585 --> 00:16:07,108
Oh, dog-eared
for my convenience.
458
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:10,858
Lord of the Rings cups.
459
00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:13,915
Lord of the Rings tables.
460
00:16:14,813 --> 00:16:16,179
Oh. Oh!
461
00:16:16,314 --> 00:16:20,016
Oh!
Holy shiatsu massage!
462
00:16:20,151 --> 00:16:22,352
(laughs)
Economy Plus!
463
00:16:22,437 --> 00:16:25,500
It hurts a little,
but-- but I like it.
464
00:16:27,275 --> 00:16:30,109
(crying)
465
00:16:31,162 --> 00:16:32,362
Wrong spot.
466
00:16:32,497 --> 00:16:35,365
(snoring)
467
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,501
(airplane rattling)
468
00:16:40,338 --> 00:16:43,339
(thunder rumbling)
469
00:16:55,387 --> 00:16:58,271
(thunder booms)
470
00:16:58,390 --> 00:17:01,524
(suspenseful music)
471
00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:03,526
(thunder booms)
472
00:17:03,612 --> 00:17:07,370
473
00:17:10,452 --> 00:17:11,734
Hmm.
474
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:13,970
And I thought
I had an upgrade.
475
00:17:16,057 --> 00:17:18,057
(haunting Western music)
476
00:17:18,890 --> 00:17:21,073
(doorbell rings)
477
00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:24,923
Hey, happy house--
What the [bleep]?
478
00:17:25,195 --> 00:17:26,763
What?
479
00:17:27,299 --> 00:17:29,132
You--
Hitler mustache.
480
00:17:29,211 --> 00:17:31,385
What?
No, no, no, no, dog.
481
00:17:31,504 --> 00:17:33,268
No, this a Charlie Chaplin
mustache.
482
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,720
You know
Charlie Chaplin, right?
483
00:17:34,807 --> 00:17:36,106
Yeah, I know
Charlie Chaplin.
484
00:17:36,192 --> 00:17:38,442
You know I'm a fan
of silent-film comedy, right?
485
00:17:38,527 --> 00:17:39,727
Yeah?
486
00:17:39,812 --> 00:17:41,278
Well, come on, man!
487
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:44,198
Hitler ain't the only person
who gets to have this mustache.
488
00:17:44,317 --> 00:17:46,950
Yeah, I guess Michael Jordan
had one, too, for a little bit.
489
00:17:47,036 --> 00:17:48,369
Exactly, exactly, right?
490
00:17:48,487 --> 00:17:50,871
And guess what.
I'm not gonna let some monster
491
00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:53,073
from the 20th century
dictate fashion
492
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:55,041
for all of eternity,
you know what I'm talking about?
493
00:17:55,111 --> 00:17:57,444
Other people get to have
this mustache if they want it.
494
00:17:57,747 --> 00:17:59,997
All right,
yeah, it just--
495
00:18:00,132 --> 00:18:01,832
just kind of
caught me off guard.
496
00:18:01,917 --> 00:18:04,001
Okay, all right.
497
00:18:04,136 --> 00:18:05,252
Oh, man, you crazy.
498
00:18:05,338 --> 00:18:07,054
You got to take it
easy, man.
499
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,839
This is my abode,
brother.
500
00:18:08,924 --> 00:18:10,140
(growls)
501
00:18:10,226 --> 00:18:11,642
When did you
get a German shepherd?
502
00:18:11,727 --> 00:18:12,643
What, Adolph here?
503
00:18:12,728 --> 00:18:14,144
Say what?
504
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:16,897
No, no.
505
00:18:17,016 --> 00:18:17,898
No.
506
00:18:18,017 --> 00:18:19,183
Not Adolf Hitler, okay?
507
00:18:19,268 --> 00:18:20,851
Adolph Marx.
Harpo.
508
00:18:20,986 --> 00:18:23,270
I love the Marx Brothers.
Why are you busting my chops?
509
00:18:23,356 --> 00:18:24,826
- You know this.
- Well, it's--
510
00:18:24,962 --> 00:18:25,927
You know what?
511
00:18:25,989 --> 00:18:28,439
You need to relax
and take it easy, okay?
512
00:18:28,828 --> 00:18:30,361
Everything
is cool, man.
513
00:18:30,496 --> 00:18:32,746
Let's crack these open,
all right?
514
00:18:32,865 --> 00:18:34,198
I'll show you the kitchen.
515
00:18:34,283 --> 00:18:35,199
Kitchen's amazing, man.
516
00:18:35,284 --> 00:18:36,784
The best part
about this house is,
517
00:18:36,869 --> 00:18:38,786
I got this thing
for, like, $20,000--
518
00:18:38,871 --> 00:18:40,671
Oh, no!
519
00:18:40,756 --> 00:18:41,705
What?
520
00:18:41,841 --> 00:18:42,882
Nope.
521
00:18:42,930 --> 00:18:44,513
What, the swastika?
522
00:18:44,729 --> 00:18:46,111
Yeah, the swastika.
523
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:48,328
This is a vintage
comedy prop
524
00:18:48,413 --> 00:18:50,296
from the movie
The Producers, okay?
525
00:18:50,354 --> 00:18:51,236
You saw
The Producers,
526
00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:52,475
the musical
inside the musical.
527
00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:53,949
Mel Brooks--
and they did a remake.
528
00:18:53,988 --> 00:18:55,688
It had Nathan Lane
and Matthew Broderick in it.
529
00:18:55,726 --> 00:18:56,758
Nathan Lane
was in the cut.
530
00:18:56,919 --> 00:18:59,002
That's a symbol
of hate, man.
531
00:18:59,301 --> 00:19:00,876
You can't just hang that
on your wall.
532
00:19:00,926 --> 00:19:03,143
It's a comedy prop, man.
533
00:19:03,181 --> 00:19:04,597
It's just like
a rubber chicken.
534
00:19:04,697 --> 00:19:06,313
It's not like
a rubber chicken.
535
00:19:06,399 --> 00:19:08,065
You need to relax.
536
00:19:08,151 --> 00:19:09,783
You need to take it easy
right now.
537
00:19:09,869 --> 00:19:11,869
Have a beer, all right?
Just sit down.
538
00:19:14,073 --> 00:19:16,240
Fine.
539
00:19:18,828 --> 00:19:21,835
I'm a big comedy fan.
You like comedy, right?
540
00:19:22,548 --> 00:19:24,276
Yeah, who doesn't
like comedy?
541
00:19:24,345 --> 00:19:26,417
Well, there's a lot of people
who don't like comedy.
542
00:19:26,502 --> 00:19:28,552
You know, there's a lot
of people out there, dog,
543
00:19:28,671 --> 00:19:30,921
straight up, who don't have
a sense of humor, man.
544
00:19:31,007 --> 00:19:32,306
- Yeah, that's true.
- Right?
545
00:19:32,391 --> 00:19:34,975
I mean,
there are people who--
546
00:19:35,061 --> 00:19:36,510
I'll go so far as to say--
are comedy haters.
547
00:19:36,596 --> 00:19:38,068
(scoffs)
All right.
548
00:19:38,118 --> 00:19:39,640
But it'd just be better
if, you know,
549
00:19:39,690 --> 00:19:41,023
instead of putting
each other down,
550
00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:42,631
if all the comedy lovers
got together
551
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,082
and found some--
somehow to organize
552
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:48,189
and do something
about the comedy-hater problem.
553
00:19:48,324 --> 00:19:49,356
Okay.
554
00:19:49,492 --> 00:19:50,824
I have a proposition
for you.
555
00:19:50,910 --> 00:19:52,526
What if you were to be
my second-in-command
556
00:19:52,612 --> 00:19:54,695
in figuring out a way to get rid
of all the comedy haters?
557
00:19:54,780 --> 00:19:56,030
I was thinking
what we could do is
558
00:19:56,115 --> 00:19:58,415
put all of them in, like, one
little small section of town,
559
00:19:58,534 --> 00:20:00,584
and then we can
demonize them in the media.
560
00:20:00,703 --> 00:20:02,084
Nope.
561
00:20:03,256 --> 00:20:04,705
You a Nazi.
562
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,040
What is going on?
563
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:07,232
All right,
see you at work.
564
00:20:10,213 --> 00:20:12,880
You ever had a friend
who got into Phish?
565
00:20:12,965 --> 00:20:14,381
Fun band.
Good jam band.
566
00:20:14,467 --> 00:20:17,184
But when dudes
get into Phish,
567
00:20:17,270 --> 00:20:18,385
they don't come back.
568
00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:19,952
They don't come back.
No, I've been there.
569
00:20:20,189 --> 00:20:21,055
It's a bad drug.
570
00:20:21,190 --> 00:20:22,856
Dudes start
getting into, like--
571
00:20:22,942 --> 00:20:26,193
"Man, so I went to--yeah,
I went to that one concert.
572
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,280
"I got 'Weasel Face.'
573
00:20:28,368 --> 00:20:30,814
"They did 'Bubble Trouble.'"
574
00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:31,815
Oh, really?
575
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,951
"Straight
into 'Sponge Head.'"
576
00:20:34,070 --> 00:20:34,952
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
577
00:20:35,071 --> 00:20:37,071
You're just like,
578
00:20:37,206 --> 00:20:40,705
"[bleep], what's wrong
with your [bleep] head?"
579
00:20:41,577 --> 00:20:42,710
Well, and then, finally,
I was like,
580
00:20:42,795 --> 00:20:44,044
"All right, man.
I'll go, I'll go.
581
00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:46,714
"I'll go to this--
I'll go to this Phish show."
582
00:20:46,799 --> 00:20:48,499
Cut to me 20 minutes in,
talking about--
583
00:20:48,584 --> 00:20:50,467
(imitates guitar music)
584
00:20:50,586 --> 00:20:53,254
Ah!
I'm getting a bobble head!
585
00:20:58,223 --> 00:21:01,066
Who you gonna call?
(laughs)
586
00:21:01,091 --> 00:21:03,264
Hi.
I'm Ray Parker, Jr.,
587
00:21:03,416 --> 00:21:06,533
writer and performer
of the Academy Award-nominated
588
00:21:06,669 --> 00:21:09,536
hit single "Ghostbusters"
589
00:21:09,672 --> 00:21:12,673
from the major motion picture
Ghostbusters.
590
00:21:12,758 --> 00:21:14,842
But that's just one song.
591
00:21:14,927 --> 00:21:18,429
I've written so many other
major motion picture theme songs
592
00:21:18,547 --> 00:21:20,464
and submitted 'em
throughout the years.
593
00:21:20,549 --> 00:21:23,217
Now they're available
and together
594
00:21:23,302 --> 00:21:26,353
for one specially priced
compilation.
595
00:21:26,439 --> 00:21:27,721
Songs like...
596
00:21:27,807 --> 00:21:29,440
You tried
to play the game
597
00:21:29,558 --> 00:21:31,775
But it's driving you
insane
598
00:21:31,894 --> 00:21:33,560
Jumanji
599
00:21:33,646 --> 00:21:35,646
Danger in the jungle
600
00:21:35,731 --> 00:21:37,364
Jumanji
601
00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:39,566
There's a lion in my house
602
00:21:39,652 --> 00:21:41,702
Come on, Mr. Computer
603
00:21:41,787 --> 00:21:43,203
Throw me a bone
604
00:21:43,289 --> 00:21:45,739
I said, Lawnmower Man
605
00:21:45,825 --> 00:21:48,409
Get up off of my lawn
606
00:21:48,544 --> 00:21:50,494
When Armageddon is near
607
00:21:50,579 --> 00:21:52,496
You better get out of here
608
00:21:52,581 --> 00:21:54,999
Looking like a deep impact
609
00:21:55,084 --> 00:21:57,384
I ain't afraid
of no 'stroid
610
00:21:57,470 --> 00:21:58,585
Watch out behind you
611
00:21:58,721 --> 00:21:59,753
That's where I'm gonna
find you
612
00:21:59,839 --> 00:22:01,889
Pelican brief
613
00:22:01,974 --> 00:22:03,724
It's getting legal, y'all
614
00:22:03,809 --> 00:22:07,094
These songs have only been heard
by the highest level
615
00:22:07,179 --> 00:22:09,263
of industry decision makers,
616
00:22:09,348 --> 00:22:12,933
but now you can feel
like a Hollywood executive
617
00:22:13,019 --> 00:22:14,768
in your own home.
618
00:22:14,904 --> 00:22:17,488
I'll see your face-off
619
00:22:17,606 --> 00:22:19,106
Black guy walking around
620
00:22:19,241 --> 00:22:21,241
It's a face-off
(chuckles)
621
00:22:21,327 --> 00:22:23,027
That ain't even your face
622
00:22:23,112 --> 00:22:25,195
Passion of the Christ
623
00:22:25,281 --> 00:22:27,164
Get me down off
of this cross
624
00:22:27,283 --> 00:22:28,916
Passion of the Christ
625
00:22:29,001 --> 00:22:31,168
You know,
my daddy is the boss
626
00:22:31,287 --> 00:22:33,537
Disturbia
627
00:22:33,622 --> 00:22:35,172
That's not even a word
628
00:22:35,291 --> 00:22:37,958
Gonna unnerve ya
629
00:22:38,094 --> 00:22:39,510
630
00:22:39,628 --> 00:22:41,845
Now, there's a whole lot
of kinky
631
00:22:41,964 --> 00:22:44,131
Bet that room is stinky
632
00:22:44,266 --> 00:22:45,849
Fifty shades of Grey
633
00:22:45,968 --> 00:22:48,218
(chuckles)
All right, white people.
634
00:22:48,304 --> 00:22:50,554
Who's a slave?
635
00:22:50,639 --> 00:22:51,939
I'm not a slave
636
00:22:52,024 --> 00:22:53,857
Uh-oh
637
00:22:53,976 --> 00:22:56,060
Twelve years a slave
638
00:22:56,145 --> 00:22:58,812
Whoops!
(imitates whip crack)
639
00:23:00,649 --> 00:23:02,483
There's one thing I know.
640
00:23:02,568 --> 00:23:05,119
It's that persistence
makes perfection.
641
00:23:05,204 --> 00:23:06,153
Ha ha.
642
00:23:06,288 --> 00:23:08,155
Sure, Hollywood missed out,
643
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,344
but that doesn't mean
you have to.
644
00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:13,243
Down in the basement
645
00:23:13,329 --> 00:23:15,245
What's going on?
646
00:23:15,331 --> 00:23:17,965
It's a apt pupil
647
00:23:18,050 --> 00:23:20,167
There's a kid
and a Nazi down there
648
00:23:20,302 --> 00:23:24,338
649
00:23:24,423 --> 00:23:26,140
Order now to receive
your free copy
650
00:23:26,225 --> 00:23:27,924
of Bobby Sings the Twos:
651
00:23:27,969 --> 00:23:31,428
theme songs to sequels
that were never made.
652
00:23:31,514 --> 00:23:33,591
(haunting Western music)
653
00:23:34,783 --> 00:23:37,667
What was the very first sketch
we ever did?
654
00:23:37,703 --> 00:23:38,970
I think we started
with Bitch.
655
00:23:39,020 --> 00:23:40,320
Did we start with Bitch?
656
00:23:40,490 --> 00:23:42,273
Oh.
657
00:23:42,409 --> 00:23:44,108
In history, I mean...
658
00:23:44,194 --> 00:23:45,434
In that moment.
659
00:23:45,522 --> 00:23:48,555
The greatest comedy
660
00:23:48,672 --> 00:23:52,450
or otherwise show
ever made.
661
00:23:53,870 --> 00:23:56,523
Okay, well, I-I--
I do enjoy our show.
662
00:23:56,590 --> 00:23:58,590
You think it's
the best show ever made?
663
00:23:58,675 --> 00:24:00,041
Pure classic.
664
00:24:00,126 --> 00:24:01,960
It's us...
665
00:24:02,095 --> 00:24:04,586
then, like, Dallas,
then The Twilight Zone.
666
00:24:04,650 --> 00:24:06,097
There's a list out there.
667
00:24:06,182 --> 00:24:07,682
Key & Peele,
668
00:24:07,801 --> 00:24:09,133
Dallas,
669
00:24:09,269 --> 00:24:12,020
- Twilight Zone.
- Just talking influential.
670
00:24:12,479 --> 00:24:14,730
Huge.
I'm a visionary.
671
00:24:14,864 --> 00:24:18,476
I think that
it's very possible, like,
672
00:24:18,884 --> 00:24:22,313
we'll go down like the...
673
00:24:22,449 --> 00:24:23,948
like the Wright brothers.
674
00:24:24,034 --> 00:24:25,283
Like, they're gonna be--
675
00:24:25,368 --> 00:24:27,702
It's gonna be one of these
things where we're--
676
00:24:27,821 --> 00:24:29,487
Am I--am I going too far?
677
00:24:29,572 --> 00:24:31,823
- Am I overblowing it?
- Overblowing it a little bit.
678
00:24:31,890 --> 00:24:34,095
I really just wanted to know
what the first scene was.
679
00:24:34,127 --> 00:24:35,159
Oh.
680
00:24:35,295 --> 00:24:37,629
(haunting Western music)
681
00:24:44,838 --> 00:24:46,304
Vince, I, uh,
682
00:24:46,389 --> 00:24:50,425
I have that quarterly analysis
that you asked for.
683
00:24:50,866 --> 00:24:53,645
I had a quarter
of these nuts on your chin.
684
00:24:53,730 --> 00:24:56,230
(clears throat)
Right.
685
00:24:56,349 --> 00:24:58,232
It's just that
I wanted to review
686
00:24:58,283 --> 00:24:59,552
some of these numbers
with you.
687
00:24:59,569 --> 00:25:01,686
It seems like
our earnings are low
688
00:25:01,821 --> 00:25:03,521
against
our original projections.
689
00:25:04,338 --> 00:25:06,941
These nuts were low
against your chin.
690
00:25:13,533 --> 00:25:15,616
You know, Vince,
691
00:25:15,702 --> 00:25:18,286
if you ever need
to talk to me about something,
692
00:25:18,371 --> 00:25:20,254
I'm more than happy
to listen.
693
00:25:20,373 --> 00:25:22,840
These nuts would be more than
happy to rest against your chin.
694
00:25:25,095 --> 00:25:27,261
(sighs)
695
00:25:28,932 --> 00:25:31,299
Hey, look, you've been doing
this for about a week now,
696
00:25:31,384 --> 00:25:33,551
and it was kind of funny
at first.
697
00:25:33,687 --> 00:25:36,938
These nuts were kind of funny
against your chin.
698
00:25:37,057 --> 00:25:38,890
Vince,
I'm worried about you.
699
00:25:46,737 --> 00:25:49,067
I was worried
about these nuts on your chin.
700
00:25:49,152 --> 00:25:51,369
Vince, seriously.
701
00:25:51,454 --> 00:25:53,654
(sighs)
702
00:25:53,740 --> 00:25:56,207
(whispering) These nuts
were seriously on your chin.
703
00:25:57,660 --> 00:26:00,812
Mr. Graham, I just got a call
from St. Mary's Hospital,
704
00:26:00,914 --> 00:26:03,514
and your parents
were in a serious car accident.
705
00:26:03,583 --> 00:26:08,136
I'm so sorry,
but your mother is dead,
706
00:26:08,254 --> 00:26:11,589
and your father
is on life support.
707
00:26:15,729 --> 00:26:18,229
These nuts were supporting
life on your chin.
708
00:26:18,331 --> 00:26:20,264
Oh, my God.
709
00:26:20,366 --> 00:26:22,183
- Sorry, Amber.
(door closes)
710
00:26:22,268 --> 00:26:24,435
Vince, you got to stop it.
711
00:26:24,521 --> 00:26:26,904
Your mother
just passed away.
712
00:26:26,990 --> 00:26:28,940
These nuts
passed away on your chin.
713
00:26:29,025 --> 00:26:31,109
No, they didn't.
They didn't.
714
00:26:31,244 --> 00:26:33,244
Vince, listen,
715
00:26:33,329 --> 00:26:35,863
you got to leave here right now
and go be with your dad.
716
00:26:35,949 --> 00:26:37,865
This could be the last time
that you get to see him.
717
00:26:37,951 --> 00:26:40,034
This could be the last time
I get to see my nuts on your--
718
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:41,586
God damn it, Vincent.
719
00:26:41,671 --> 00:26:44,122
Your father might be dying.
720
00:26:44,257 --> 00:26:46,958
These nuts might be
dying on your chin.
721
00:26:47,961 --> 00:26:49,544
God damn it, Vince!
722
00:26:49,629 --> 00:26:51,345
Snap the [bleep] out of it!
723
00:26:51,464 --> 00:26:53,464
Your mother is dead.
724
00:26:58,721 --> 00:27:00,972
Right.
You're right.
725
00:27:01,074 --> 00:27:02,557
- You okay?
- I'm okay.
726
00:27:02,642 --> 00:27:04,442
You--you're back.
727
00:27:04,527 --> 00:27:05,810
(whispering)
I don't know what came over me.
728
00:27:05,895 --> 00:27:07,979
- It's all right.
- It was so good.
729
00:27:08,114 --> 00:27:09,814
It was--it just--
730
00:27:09,949 --> 00:27:12,200
It worked in every situation,
and then it was--
731
00:27:12,318 --> 00:27:13,818
I know. I know.
732
00:27:13,903 --> 00:27:15,286
And it was always--
it was just so funny.
733
00:27:15,371 --> 00:27:16,988
Well, it wasn't--
it wasn't that funny.
734
00:27:17,090 --> 00:27:18,956
It was funny.
735
00:27:19,042 --> 00:27:20,658
It really wasn't
that funny, Vince.
736
00:27:20,743 --> 00:27:24,045
It was...
really funny.
737
00:27:24,164 --> 00:27:27,248
I would not go so far as to
say it was really funny, Vince.
738
00:27:27,333 --> 00:27:29,050
It was funny.
739
00:27:29,169 --> 00:27:31,335
But it wasn't.
740
00:27:31,421 --> 00:27:34,672
It was.
741
00:27:34,808 --> 00:27:36,424
It wasn't.
742
00:27:36,509 --> 00:27:37,842
Agree to disagree.
743
00:27:37,927 --> 00:27:39,143
- It was funny.
- Okay.
744
00:27:39,229 --> 00:27:40,478
- It was funny.
- One more time.
745
00:27:40,563 --> 00:27:41,646
I'm just gonna go on record
746
00:27:41,731 --> 00:27:43,514
as saying it wasn't really
that funny.
747
00:27:45,101 --> 00:27:46,934
I'm gonna go see my dad.
748
00:27:47,020 --> 00:27:48,769
It was funny.
749
00:27:48,855 --> 00:27:50,238
It wasn't that funny.
750
00:27:50,356 --> 00:27:53,241
(sweeping orchestration)
751
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:57,140
752
00:28:08,208 --> 00:28:10,208
Dad.
(breathing heavily)
753
00:28:10,293 --> 00:28:12,877
Stay with me.
754
00:28:13,012 --> 00:28:16,214
Dad, I love you.
755
00:28:16,349 --> 00:28:18,216
(monitor beeping)
756
00:28:18,301 --> 00:28:20,885
And I love...
757
00:28:23,056 --> 00:28:26,307
these nuts
on your chin.
758
00:28:28,561 --> 00:28:33,064
(flatline)
759
00:28:37,871 --> 00:28:41,822
(Dad's voice)
These nuts on your chin.
760
00:28:45,378 --> 00:28:49,380
(sobbing, wailing)
761
00:28:52,368 --> 00:28:54,301
(haunting Western music)
762
00:28:54,984 --> 00:28:57,317
This is all about Susie Diaz.
763
00:28:57,403 --> 00:28:59,069
It's Suzie Diaz's party.
764
00:28:59,188 --> 00:29:01,660
Susie Diaz is running the show.
I'm just gonna show up.
765
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:03,690
If she needs me to bring beer
or something,
766
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:05,692
I'm more than happy to do it.
767
00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:07,777
Oh, dude.
Oh, my God.
768
00:29:07,863 --> 00:29:10,613
A woman just fainted.
I'm gonna have to call you back.
769
00:29:12,083 --> 00:29:12,999
Ma'am.
770
00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:15,535
Ma'am.
771
00:29:15,670 --> 00:29:18,254
Oh... Um...
772
00:29:18,373 --> 00:29:21,841
(line ringing)
773
00:29:24,926 --> 00:29:26,226
(ringing)
774
00:29:26,278 --> 00:29:27,978
911.
What is your emergency?
775
00:29:28,083 --> 00:29:30,917
Yes, yeah. I'm at the corner
of Fifth and Metropolitan,
776
00:29:31,053 --> 00:29:32,969
and I just came up
across this woman,
777
00:29:33,088 --> 00:29:36,089
and she just-- she just
passed out on the sidewalk here.
778
00:29:36,225 --> 00:29:37,591
Okay.
And is she responsive, sir?
779
00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:39,259
Um...
780
00:29:41,597 --> 00:29:45,232
(dramatic melody)
781
00:29:45,317 --> 00:29:48,580
Okay, sir?
Is she responsive?
782
00:29:49,238 --> 00:29:52,105
Sir? Sir?
783
00:29:52,241 --> 00:29:53,611
Um, no, she's--
784
00:29:53,741 --> 00:29:56,150
- She's not responsive.
- Sir, if you can hear me...
785
00:29:56,150 --> 00:29:57,944
She's... beautiful.
786
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,580
787
00:30:00,682 --> 00:30:02,949
That is not relevant
to this emergency, sir.
788
00:30:03,035 --> 00:30:04,284
An ambulance is on its way.
789
00:30:04,419 --> 00:30:06,670
In the meantime,
I need you to check her pulse.
790
00:30:06,788 --> 00:30:08,622
Check her pulse.
Right, check her pulse.
791
00:30:08,757 --> 00:30:09,673
Okay.
792
00:30:09,791 --> 00:30:11,791
(dramatic melody)
793
00:30:11,877 --> 00:30:13,343
Does she have a pulse, sir?
794
00:30:13,462 --> 00:30:14,961
Oh, she does,
795
00:30:15,097 --> 00:30:16,713
but her skin is so soft.
796
00:30:16,798 --> 00:30:18,381
Sir...
797
00:30:18,467 --> 00:30:19,933
She doesn't have on
a ton of makeup,
798
00:30:20,018 --> 00:30:21,601
but she's the kind of girl
799
00:30:21,687 --> 00:30:23,186
- that just doesn't need it.
- Sir--
800
00:30:23,305 --> 00:30:25,772
You can see that she put a lot
of thought into her outfit,
801
00:30:25,857 --> 00:30:27,941
but not like she's trying
too hard.
802
00:30:28,026 --> 00:30:29,442
She's perfect.
803
00:30:29,528 --> 00:30:30,644
Sir, may I remind you
804
00:30:30,779 --> 00:30:32,979
that you have not spoken a word
to this woman?
805
00:30:33,115 --> 00:30:34,648
I need you to see
if she's breathing.
806
00:30:34,783 --> 00:30:36,483
Is she breathing?
Yeah, okay. Hold on.
807
00:30:38,036 --> 00:30:39,703
808
00:30:39,821 --> 00:30:42,155
Sir, I need you
to stay on track.
809
00:30:42,291 --> 00:30:44,324
Oh, God. Oh, God,
she's not breathing!
810
00:30:44,459 --> 00:30:45,792
The love of my life
is not breathing.
811
00:30:45,877 --> 00:30:47,160
You got to save my baby!
812
00:30:47,245 --> 00:30:49,245
Do you know how to give
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?
813
00:30:49,331 --> 00:30:50,463
Yes, I do.
814
00:30:50,549 --> 00:30:52,832
Okay. I need you
to administer that now.
815
00:30:52,968 --> 00:30:56,252
Okay, okay.
(exhales sharply)
816
00:30:59,508 --> 00:31:01,341
No, no.
I ca-- I can't.
817
00:31:01,426 --> 00:31:03,343
I can't do it.
I can't-- I can't do it.
818
00:31:03,428 --> 00:31:05,095
It just--
It's disrespectful.
819
00:31:05,180 --> 00:31:06,646
I have to be respectful
for her.
820
00:31:06,732 --> 00:31:09,182
Sir, this is the only time
it's okay to put your mouth
821
00:31:09,267 --> 00:31:11,401
on an unconscious woman.
Do it.
822
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,820
I just didn't picture it
happening this way,
823
00:31:13,905 --> 00:31:15,522
and there's butterflies
in my stomach, and I'm just--
824
00:31:15,607 --> 00:31:17,741
(hyperventilating)
I don't want to mess this up.
825
00:31:17,859 --> 00:31:20,327
- It's so rare to find--
- Sir, if you can hear me,
826
00:31:20,412 --> 00:31:22,362
an ambulance is on its way.
827
00:31:22,497 --> 00:31:24,581
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I need you to calm down.
828
00:31:24,700 --> 00:31:26,166
- Oh, gosh, my head.
- Sir?
829
00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:27,751
- I'm so light-headed.
- Sir, stay with me.
830
00:31:27,869 --> 00:31:29,269
If this is what it feels
like to be in love,
831
00:31:29,371 --> 00:31:32,706
this is what it must feel like
when you-- when you find the one.
832
00:31:32,808 --> 00:31:35,342
Sir, are you there?
833
00:31:35,427 --> 00:31:38,428
(busy signal beeping)
834
00:31:41,049 --> 00:31:45,135
(sirens approaching)
835
00:31:49,858 --> 00:31:52,142
Oh, God.
836
00:31:52,227 --> 00:31:53,893
(phone beeping)
837
00:31:54,029 --> 00:31:56,563
(line ringing)
838
00:31:56,698 --> 00:31:57,564
(phone ringing)
839
00:31:57,699 --> 00:31:59,532
911.
What is your emergency?
840
00:31:59,618 --> 00:32:03,236
There's an attractive,
confident, well-to-do black man.
841
00:32:03,372 --> 00:32:05,905
He just passed out
right here on the street.
842
00:32:06,007 --> 00:32:08,074
Okay.
Ma'am, listen very carefully.
843
00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:11,327
I'm going
to need you to marry him.
844
00:32:11,413 --> 00:32:12,712
O-okay.
845
00:32:12,798 --> 00:32:16,383
Shouldn't I give him,
like, mouth-to-mouth first?
846
00:32:16,468 --> 00:32:18,134
Yeah, girl.
Get you some.
847
00:32:18,253 --> 00:32:19,919
Shoot.
848
00:32:21,890 --> 00:32:24,641
(haunting Western music)
849
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:28,645
What would this country
be like if black people--
850
00:32:28,764 --> 00:32:32,432
say we were brought over
as slaves,
851
00:32:32,517 --> 00:32:37,070
and then early on, black people
revolted, took over the country,
852
00:32:37,155 --> 00:32:40,156
and said these evil
mother[bleep] are now--
853
00:32:40,275 --> 00:32:42,275
are the lower class,
these slavers.
854
00:32:42,411 --> 00:32:43,693
Do you know
what'd happen then?
855
00:32:43,779 --> 00:32:46,329
Then the song "Chocolate City"
by Parliament Funkadelic
856
00:32:46,448 --> 00:32:48,248
would be
our national anthem.
857
00:32:48,333 --> 00:32:49,783
- That's right.
- That's what it would be.
858
00:32:49,868 --> 00:32:53,286
And white people would have
a song talking about vanillas.
859
00:32:53,422 --> 00:32:54,621
"Vanilla Village."
860
00:32:54,756 --> 00:32:57,540
Vanilla Village,
where all the whites live
861
00:32:57,626 --> 00:32:59,042
Here's my question to you.
862
00:32:59,127 --> 00:33:01,511
Would, then...
863
00:33:01,630 --> 00:33:04,464
white people being
the oppressed race,
864
00:33:04,549 --> 00:33:06,516
would they have the soul?
865
00:33:06,635 --> 00:33:09,052
Would they have invented
the blues?
866
00:33:09,137 --> 00:33:12,472
Would there be black people
who are trying to act cool
867
00:33:12,557 --> 00:33:16,025
like white people
called "blonkies"?
868
00:33:16,144 --> 00:33:17,266
Man, look
at these blonkies.
869
00:33:17,312 --> 00:33:18,812
And you what
the crazy thing is?
870
00:33:18,947 --> 00:33:20,447
Barack Obama
would still be president.
871
00:33:20,532 --> 00:33:22,148
He would still be president.
872
00:33:29,407 --> 00:33:30,740
Got some change?
873
00:33:30,826 --> 00:33:33,209
Sorry, man.
I ain't got nothing.
874
00:33:33,328 --> 00:33:35,128
All right.
875
00:33:42,137 --> 00:33:43,586
Hold it right there.
876
00:33:46,091 --> 00:33:47,818
(car door closes)
- Let's see some ID.
877
00:33:47,863 --> 00:33:49,759
I wasn't even
doing anything, man.
878
00:33:49,845 --> 00:33:53,096
- Are you talking back to me?
- No. I was just walking, man.
879
00:33:53,181 --> 00:33:55,682
Look, there is no reason
for you to get upset, sir.
880
00:33:55,767 --> 00:33:57,734
- I'm not. I'm not.
- All right, that's it.
881
00:33:57,853 --> 00:33:59,652
- Put your hands on your head.
- Put my hands on my--
882
00:33:59,738 --> 00:34:03,239
Put your hands
on your head, yes!
883
00:34:03,358 --> 00:34:05,825
You had your chance.
884
00:34:05,911 --> 00:34:07,694
Listen, man,
885
00:34:07,829 --> 00:34:10,446
can I just ask you, like,
politely, what it is that I did?
886
00:34:10,532 --> 00:34:12,031
Think I was born yesterday?
887
00:34:12,167 --> 00:34:13,449
- Come on, man, I--
- Get in the car.
888
00:34:13,535 --> 00:34:14,784
Duck your head.
889
00:34:14,870 --> 00:34:16,286
Oh!
890
00:34:16,371 --> 00:34:18,204
Ah.
891
00:34:21,877 --> 00:34:23,126
All right, officer.
892
00:34:23,211 --> 00:34:26,596
I'll take it from here.
893
00:34:26,715 --> 00:34:29,299
Well, hi, Wally.
Good to see you.
894
00:34:29,718 --> 00:34:31,718
He's all yours.
895
00:34:31,803 --> 00:34:34,053
All right.
896
00:34:34,139 --> 00:34:37,056
- What?
- (chuckles)
897
00:34:37,192 --> 00:34:39,192
- Y'all have a good night.
- All right.
898
00:34:39,277 --> 00:34:41,027
Thanks, man,
but where are we going?
899
00:34:41,112 --> 00:34:44,447
I'm glad you asked.
900
00:34:44,566 --> 00:34:45,565
Follow me.
901
00:34:45,650 --> 00:34:48,201
Through there?
Aah!
902
00:34:50,071 --> 00:34:52,488
- (grunts)
- (laughs)
903
00:34:52,574 --> 00:34:55,708
Whoa.
Look at this place.
904
00:34:55,794 --> 00:34:57,327
Where are we?
905
00:34:57,412 --> 00:35:00,079
Just be patient,
and I'll show you.
906
00:35:00,215 --> 00:35:01,464
Your suit changed.
907
00:35:01,583 --> 00:35:03,249
Follow me
to a place I know
908
00:35:03,385 --> 00:35:05,301
Where there ain't no pain,
ain't no sorrow
909
00:35:05,420 --> 00:35:09,013
It's a place
to be if your skin is brown
910
00:35:09,424 --> 00:35:13,226
I'm talking
about Negrotown
911
00:35:14,712 --> 00:35:17,630
Negrotown?
What, like Atlanta?
912
00:35:17,766 --> 00:35:19,515
(laughs)
Almost.
913
00:35:19,634 --> 00:35:22,301
Now, be quiet
while I sing.
914
00:35:22,387 --> 00:35:24,220
In Negrotown,
you can walk the street
915
00:35:24,305 --> 00:35:25,938
Without getting stopped,
harassed, or beat
916
00:35:26,024 --> 00:35:28,808
And there's always a cab
when you need to get around
917
00:35:28,943 --> 00:35:30,476
(horn honks)
918
00:35:30,612 --> 00:35:33,046
-
And they always stop
-
In Negrotown
919
00:35:33,046 --> 00:35:34,282
That's right.
920
00:35:34,282 --> 00:35:36,149
921
00:35:36,284 --> 00:35:37,316
I think I'm getting it.
922
00:35:37,452 --> 00:35:39,368
It's like a utopia
for black people.
923
00:35:39,487 --> 00:35:42,405
Yeah. But seriously,
shut the [bleep] up.
924
00:35:42,490 --> 00:35:47,293
You won't get followed
when you try to shop
925
00:35:47,378 --> 00:35:51,164
(all)
You can wear your hoodie
and not get shot
926
00:35:51,299 --> 00:35:54,634
No white folks
to cross the street in fear
927
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,671
(all)
No trigger-happy cops
or scared cashiers
928
00:35:58,807 --> 00:36:02,842
That loan application
can't get turned down
929
00:36:02,977 --> 00:36:05,845
You're always approved
in Negrotown
930
00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:06,896
This is amazing.
931
00:36:07,015 --> 00:36:08,514
I know, right?
932
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,399
(women)
We're going down
to Negrotown
933
00:36:10,518 --> 00:36:12,318
Where the strong black men
are raining down
934
00:36:12,403 --> 00:36:16,522
There's light-skinned,
dark-skinned, every shade
935
00:36:16,658 --> 00:36:20,827
And there's no white bitches
to take them away
936
00:36:20,912 --> 00:36:22,612
937
00:36:22,697 --> 00:36:24,280
This sounds too good
to be true.
938
00:36:24,365 --> 00:36:26,147
It does, doesn't it?
939
00:36:26,182 --> 00:36:27,366
But can a [bleep]
finish a song?
940
00:36:27,502 --> 00:36:28,367
Oh.
941
00:36:28,503 --> 00:36:30,953
I mean,
can a [bleep] finish?
942
00:36:31,039 --> 00:36:33,539
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
943
00:36:33,675 --> 00:36:35,424
In Negrotown,
you'll live long and well
944
00:36:35,543 --> 00:36:37,343
There's no disease,
no sickle cell
945
00:36:37,428 --> 00:36:39,762
No stupid-ass white folks
touching your hair
946
00:36:39,881 --> 00:36:42,882
Or stealing your coats
or claiming it's theirs
947
00:36:43,349 --> 00:36:47,553
Hanging out in a group
doesn't make you a gang
948
00:36:47,639 --> 00:36:51,557
Every word that you say
ain't considered slang
949
00:36:51,643 --> 00:36:54,477
No one trying to get
in on the latest trend
950
00:36:54,562 --> 00:36:58,397
By making you
their token black friend
951
00:36:58,533 --> 00:37:02,235
It's a place
where harmony is found
952
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:06,405
(all)
It's a mother[bleep]
black playground
953
00:37:06,541 --> 00:37:10,459
Talking
about Negrotown
954
00:37:10,578 --> 00:37:12,461
(all)
Talking about Negro,
talking about Negro
955
00:37:12,580 --> 00:37:13,963
Negro, Negro, Negro
956
00:37:14,082 --> 00:37:21,754
Talking about Negrotown
957
00:37:26,904 --> 00:37:28,311
Sir?
958
00:37:28,429 --> 00:37:29,812
Sir?
959
00:37:29,931 --> 00:37:31,931
Sir?
960
00:37:32,066 --> 00:37:35,151
- Sir?
- (groaning)
961
00:37:35,270 --> 00:37:37,486
- What?
- All right, get up.
962
00:37:37,605 --> 00:37:39,438
(straining)
Let's go. Get up.
963
00:37:39,574 --> 00:37:41,490
Wait a sec.
Wait. what--Hold on. What?
964
00:37:41,609 --> 00:37:43,826
I thought I was going
to Negrotown.
965
00:37:43,945 --> 00:37:45,611
Oh, you are.
966
00:37:45,747 --> 00:37:50,110
967
00:38:00,072 --> 00:38:01,005
(haunting Western music)
968
00:38:03,056 --> 00:38:04,939
- Can I give you an acting note?
- Sure, yeah.
969
00:38:04,942 --> 00:38:06,223
I mean 'cause,
we're, you know, actors.
970
00:38:06,309 --> 00:38:07,608
We need to get notes
from one another.
971
00:38:07,727 --> 00:38:09,477
- We need to grow.
- Try acting a character
972
00:38:09,562 --> 00:38:11,612
a little bit less.
973
00:38:11,731 --> 00:38:13,114
(laughs)
974
00:38:13,232 --> 00:38:14,649
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
975
00:38:14,734 --> 00:38:17,318
(both laughing)
976
00:38:17,403 --> 00:38:19,704
Whoo!
Okay, here we go.
977
00:38:19,789 --> 00:38:21,372
All right, I'm--
978
00:38:21,457 --> 00:38:23,624
(laughing)
979
00:38:23,743 --> 00:38:26,410
- I'm sorry.
- Get it. Get it.
980
00:38:26,496 --> 00:38:28,713
Get that laugh.
Get it out.
981
00:38:28,798 --> 00:38:32,133
This is, like,
an exercise laugh.
982
00:38:32,251 --> 00:38:33,751
Working them gigs.
983
00:38:33,836 --> 00:38:35,636
Got to get them gigs.
984
00:38:35,755 --> 00:38:38,255
Got to get them gigs.
985
00:38:38,358 --> 00:38:40,508
(laughs)
Okay, [bleep]--
986
00:38:40,593 --> 00:38:42,846
[bleep] it! [bleep] it!
I'm here. [bleep] this [bleep]!
987
00:38:42,933 --> 00:38:44,717
(haunting Western music)
988
00:38:44,809 --> 00:38:48,427
My name's Wendell,
and I, too, am a sexual.
989
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,154
(laughter)
990
00:38:51,272 --> 00:38:54,023
It is true, though.
991
00:38:54,109 --> 00:38:55,325
(laughter)
992
00:38:55,443 --> 00:38:57,994
- Oh, yeah. Thanks, man.
- Did you just call me "man"?
993
00:38:58,113 --> 00:38:59,779
That's how comfortable
I am with you.
994
00:38:59,914 --> 00:39:02,365
But if you were a guy,
I'd still jam my fork
995
00:39:02,450 --> 00:39:03,916
in those
[bleep] roast beef--
996
00:39:04,002 --> 00:39:06,336
(laughter)
997
00:39:06,454 --> 00:39:09,922
Is there a Cyrano de Bergerac
behind you?
998
00:39:10,008 --> 00:39:11,290
I like how you're getting
my side.
999
00:39:11,376 --> 00:39:12,959
God, it's
like you have three hands.
1000
00:39:13,094 --> 00:39:14,127
There it is.
1001
00:39:14,212 --> 00:39:16,512
(laughter)
1002
00:39:16,631 --> 00:39:19,098
No, Papi. No, Papi.
No, Papi. No!
1003
00:39:19,184 --> 00:39:20,800
You're talking
about no Papi?
1004
00:39:20,885 --> 00:39:21,884
(laughter)
1005
00:39:21,970 --> 00:39:24,422
I will skewer you
with my dick!
1006
00:39:24,504 --> 00:39:25,420
Yeah?
1007
00:39:25,477 --> 00:39:26,806
- Oh, yeah!
- I'll take it!
1008
00:39:26,941 --> 00:39:28,307
What else do you--
1009
00:39:28,393 --> 00:39:29,475
(laughter)
1010
00:39:29,711 --> 00:39:33,029
Destination wedding, baby--
Acapulco, June 27th.
1011
00:39:33,148 --> 00:39:35,148
All right.
1012
00:39:35,233 --> 00:39:37,950
(laughter)
1013
00:39:38,305 --> 00:39:42,155
I wish them terries
would try to even think
1014
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,958
about just dropping
straight--
1015
00:39:46,044 --> 00:39:47,326
(laughing)
1016
00:39:47,462 --> 00:39:49,245
Ah, [bleep].
1017
00:39:49,330 --> 00:39:51,748
I'm gonna stay
in this long, though.
1018
00:39:51,833 --> 00:39:53,332
And now I clinch.
1019
00:39:53,418 --> 00:39:54,500
Snap.
1020
00:39:54,586 --> 00:39:56,002
(laughter)
1021
00:39:56,087 --> 00:39:58,388
You snap
that [bleep] dick off!
1022
00:39:58,506 --> 00:40:00,173
Oh!
(laughs)
1023
00:40:00,258 --> 00:40:02,341
Hold on a second.
I'm over here--
1024
00:40:02,427 --> 00:40:04,427
Wait a second.
[bleep] got caught up.
1025
00:40:04,512 --> 00:40:06,095
I'm caught up.
Hold up.
1026
00:40:06,181 --> 00:40:07,346
We were talking
about breakfast.
1027
00:40:07,432 --> 00:40:08,347
(belches)
1028
00:40:08,433 --> 00:40:10,183
(laughter)
1029
00:40:10,318 --> 00:40:13,519
(whispering)
So that's what I'm gonna do...
1030
00:40:13,605 --> 00:40:17,106
Mark with a K.
1031
00:40:19,244 --> 00:40:21,688
(laughter)
1032
00:40:25,955 --> 00:40:27,554
(haunting Western music)
1033
00:40:40,403 --> 00:40:43,570
- Is this the place?
- This is the place.
1034
00:40:50,529 --> 00:40:52,196
(sighs)
1035
00:40:58,421 --> 00:41:05,175
(both)
I said, "Bitch"!
1036
00:41:05,294 --> 00:41:07,678
- Oh!
- (sighs)
1037
00:41:10,933 --> 00:41:13,967
- You want to go back?
- Yeah. My girl's expecting me.
1038
00:41:15,471 --> 00:41:18,355
(haunting Western music)
1039
00:41:18,474 --> 00:41:21,623
Sync & corrections by dwigt
addic7ed.com
1040
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,316
I'm gonna do my one line here
1041
00:41:29,402 --> 00:41:31,402
Oh, yeah.
1042
00:41:31,452 --> 00:41:36,002
Repair and Synchronization by
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