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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,049 --> 00:00:01,433 But that was a good practice, though, dawg. 2 00:00:01,533 --> 00:00:03,533 That was a good practice. All right. 3 00:00:03,883 --> 00:00:05,229 Pah! I got you, dawg. 4 00:00:05,622 --> 00:00:07,622 Quackadilly, you play too much, man. 5 00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:08,629 What's up, Fudge? 6 00:00:08,661 --> 00:00:10,231 Hey, man, you play too much, Quackadilly. 7 00:00:10,257 --> 00:00:11,284 Come on, don't play with me, man. 8 00:00:11,284 --> 00:00:12,184 Not now. 9 00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:13,894 I'm about to go-- Come on, hey, stop! 10 00:00:13,923 --> 00:00:14,835 Stop, stop-- Hey! 11 00:00:14,871 --> 00:00:16,062 Hey, don't tickle me, man. 12 00:00:16,062 --> 00:00:17,415 (gasps) Oh, you ticklish, dawg. 13 00:00:17,459 --> 00:00:18,675 No, I'm saying, don't-- 14 00:00:18,693 --> 00:00:20,464 (both shouting) 15 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:22,344 Stop, man! Stop! 16 00:00:22,344 --> 00:00:23,418 What you doing? 17 00:00:23,418 --> 00:00:24,384 You being stupid, man! 18 00:00:24,469 --> 00:00:25,385 (high-pitched shouting) 19 00:00:25,470 --> 00:00:26,419 You being stupid! 20 00:00:26,505 --> 00:00:29,506 (dramatic music) 21 00:00:34,429 --> 00:00:36,396 (whispering) You touched my dick. 22 00:00:36,481 --> 00:00:38,982 I didn't-- 23 00:00:39,101 --> 00:00:40,183 I mean, I did, but I di-- 24 00:00:41,770 --> 00:00:43,486 My finger gra-- 25 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:52,696 It does now occur to me... 26 00:00:52,781 --> 00:00:55,532 that perhaps indeed I do play too much. 27 00:01:07,713 --> 00:01:09,796 I never intended to grab the dick. 28 00:01:09,881 --> 00:01:12,799 (haunting Western music) 29 00:01:12,884 --> 00:01:16,782 30 00:01:31,846 --> 00:01:35,468 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 31 00:01:36,958 --> 00:01:37,991 There's, like-- 32 00:01:38,126 --> 00:01:40,210 There's so few good sequels. 33 00:01:40,328 --> 00:01:41,995 Very often I don't go see sequels. 34 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,329 I mean, Tremors. 35 00:01:43,415 --> 00:01:46,833 Tremors went about ten different sequels. 36 00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:49,886 Like, some of them just star Fred Ward. 37 00:01:50,005 --> 00:01:52,839 Some of them, it's just, like, Michael Gross doing laundry. 38 00:01:52,974 --> 00:01:55,592 Michael Gross doing laundry. (laughs) 39 00:01:55,677 --> 00:01:58,011 There's some Tremors where the tremors have grown feet, 40 00:01:58,096 --> 00:01:59,763 and now they walk above the ground. 41 00:01:59,848 --> 00:02:01,347 No-- Then how could it still be Tremors? 42 00:02:01,433 --> 00:02:02,515 It's not a tremor. 43 00:02:02,601 --> 00:02:04,851 That's just mitigated ground pressure. 44 00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:06,269 Just a monster. 45 00:02:06,354 --> 00:02:08,521 Literally just a worm monster, yeah. 46 00:02:11,109 --> 00:02:14,694 Okay, guys, Gremlins 2. 47 00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:16,029 I'm telling you, this movie... 48 00:02:16,164 --> 00:02:18,498 (door opens and closes) should write itself. 49 00:02:18,583 --> 00:02:19,699 The first one was a classic. 50 00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,167 This should be pretty straightforward. 51 00:02:21,253 --> 00:02:24,120 Basically, all we're doing is maintaining the integrity 52 00:02:24,206 --> 00:02:25,538 of the original picture. 53 00:02:25,674 --> 00:02:28,541 We want to do all the stuff with the water 54 00:02:28,677 --> 00:02:30,460 and the-- 55 00:02:30,545 --> 00:02:32,962 What-- 56 00:02:33,048 --> 00:02:35,215 Uh, can we help you? 57 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,766 I'm sorry. 58 00:02:36,885 --> 00:02:38,184 Let me introduce myself. 59 00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:39,769 Hi, y'all. 60 00:02:39,888 --> 00:02:42,605 My name is Star Magic Jackson, Jr. 61 00:02:42,724 --> 00:02:44,808 I'm the Hollywood sequel doctor, 62 00:02:44,893 --> 00:02:47,777 so studio just brings me in to oversee things 63 00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:49,562 when they about to drop a deuce. 64 00:02:49,648 --> 00:02:51,948 So that's why I'm here, but don't mind me. 65 00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:53,199 I'm just gonna be over here. 66 00:02:53,285 --> 00:02:54,534 Y'all do your thing. 67 00:02:54,619 --> 00:02:57,070 It's your movie. 68 00:02:57,155 --> 00:02:59,989 Okay. 69 00:03:00,075 --> 00:03:02,242 Let's brainstorm. Adam. 70 00:03:02,327 --> 00:03:04,410 If it's gonna take place in an office building, 71 00:03:04,496 --> 00:03:06,579 I was thinking, what if Gizmo gets wet 72 00:03:06,715 --> 00:03:07,964 from a water cooler this time? 73 00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:10,250 Okay, hold on a second! 74 00:03:10,385 --> 00:03:11,968 I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to step in here. 75 00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:13,086 Just one second, sweetheart. 76 00:03:13,171 --> 00:03:15,472 So what's wrong with y'all? 77 00:03:15,590 --> 00:03:18,091 Y'all are looking like a bunch of sad sacks. 78 00:03:18,226 --> 00:03:21,144 This is G2, people. 79 00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:22,262 We writing Gremlins 2. 80 00:03:22,397 --> 00:03:23,480 It should be a party, 81 00:03:23,598 --> 00:03:26,266 with pizza and anchovies, pineapple. 82 00:03:26,401 --> 00:03:27,817 Just come on. 83 00:03:27,936 --> 00:03:29,102 Lift up the spirits. 84 00:03:29,187 --> 00:03:31,688 Look, okay, I'm gonna put a little bit of spice 85 00:03:31,773 --> 00:03:33,273 into the mixture here. 86 00:03:33,358 --> 00:03:34,657 What if we did this? 87 00:03:34,776 --> 00:03:38,945 Everybody here gets to design their own gremlin. 88 00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:43,533 Um, I-I don't see that the gremlin design is broken. 89 00:03:43,618 --> 00:03:46,252 It's called brainstorming, not brain drizzling, sweet pea. 90 00:03:46,338 --> 00:03:47,253 Okay? 91 00:03:47,339 --> 00:03:48,838 Shut your mouth for a second. 92 00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:50,456 Look, here's the thing. 93 00:03:50,592 --> 00:03:52,592 None of this is final. 94 00:03:52,677 --> 00:03:54,010 So you mean, like, 95 00:03:54,129 --> 00:03:56,045 what if there was, like, a brainy gremlin? 96 00:03:56,131 --> 00:03:57,797 (scoffs) A brainy gremlin? 97 00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:59,632 You talking about a gremlin with glasses 98 00:03:59,718 --> 00:04:01,634 who could talk and sing "New York, New York"? 99 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,635 That's brilliant. 100 00:04:02,721 --> 00:04:04,137 It's in the movie--done. 101 00:04:04,272 --> 00:04:05,305 (upbeat electronic music) 102 00:04:05,390 --> 00:04:07,140 Whoa, whoa, you said that nothing was final. 103 00:04:07,225 --> 00:04:09,058 That was before I heard the words "brainy" and "gremlin" 104 00:04:09,144 --> 00:04:10,393 in the same sentence together. 105 00:04:10,478 --> 00:04:11,477 It's done. I love it. 106 00:04:11,563 --> 00:04:13,530 It's in the movie. Next. 107 00:04:13,648 --> 00:04:15,982 What about a, uh, spider gremlin? 108 00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:18,284 You mean a gremlin with eight legs and a thorax, 109 00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:20,870 just catching pretty ladies in a web in an office building? 110 00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:22,705 Oh, my God, it's in the movie. 111 00:04:22,824 --> 00:04:23,706 I love it! 112 00:04:23,825 --> 00:04:24,824 Next! 113 00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:26,543 - What about a bat gremlin? - (gasps) 114 00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:28,127 You mean a gremlin with leathery wings, 115 00:04:28,213 --> 00:04:29,662 just flying around, flip-flopping, 116 00:04:29,748 --> 00:04:30,797 bust through a wall, 117 00:04:30,882 --> 00:04:32,081 make a perfect bat symbol in the wall, 118 00:04:32,167 --> 00:04:33,666 get outside, get in some wet concrete, 119 00:04:33,802 --> 00:04:35,585 jump up on a building, and just dry in place 120 00:04:35,670 --> 00:04:36,719 like a gargoyle gremlin? 121 00:04:36,838 --> 00:04:37,921 We are cooking with gas now. 122 00:04:38,006 --> 00:04:39,172 I love it. It's in the movie. 123 00:04:39,307 --> 00:04:40,173 Next. 124 00:04:40,308 --> 00:04:42,392 Could there be a female gremlin? 125 00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:44,260 Just lipstick, boobies. 126 00:04:44,346 --> 00:04:46,679 Bitch, you had me at "little gremlin va-jay-jay." 127 00:04:46,765 --> 00:04:48,815 I love it so much that it's not only in the movie, 128 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,650 but it's definitely in the movie. 129 00:04:50,735 --> 00:04:53,019 There's no backsies on that one. No penny taxies. 130 00:04:53,154 --> 00:04:54,237 Yes, yes, yes! 131 00:04:54,356 --> 00:04:55,521 In the movie, done! 132 00:04:55,657 --> 00:04:57,357 That's why need a woman in the writers' room. 133 00:04:57,442 --> 00:04:58,408 Next. 134 00:04:58,526 --> 00:04:59,776 I don't know. 135 00:04:59,861 --> 00:05:01,611 A googly-eyed gremlin? 136 00:05:01,696 --> 00:05:03,446 But you do know, 137 00:05:03,531 --> 00:05:04,948 because you're talking about a gremlin 138 00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:06,666 whose sole purpose in this film 139 00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:08,952 is just that he looks stupid as [bleep]. 140 00:05:09,037 --> 00:05:11,170 Yes, it can be in the movie, 141 00:05:11,256 --> 00:05:12,372 and it is in the movie. 142 00:05:12,457 --> 00:05:13,790 Done. Next. 143 00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,208 What about you, silver fox? 144 00:05:15,343 --> 00:05:16,709 Um, electricity gremlin? 145 00:05:16,845 --> 00:05:18,378 You just said noun and "gremlin," 146 00:05:18,463 --> 00:05:19,462 like you're playing Mad Libs. 147 00:05:19,547 --> 00:05:20,463 You just like a child. 148 00:05:20,548 --> 00:05:21,881 You have the brain of a child. 149 00:05:21,967 --> 00:05:23,266 You do not have a high IQ, 150 00:05:23,385 --> 00:05:25,935 but you haphazardly came up with a gremlin 151 00:05:26,054 --> 00:05:27,186 that's just made out of bolts 152 00:05:27,272 --> 00:05:28,721 that is zigzagging all over the room, 153 00:05:28,857 --> 00:05:30,390 and it's done completely in animation. 154 00:05:30,475 --> 00:05:31,641 You a crazy person, 155 00:05:31,726 --> 00:05:33,142 and your idea's in the movie! 156 00:05:33,228 --> 00:05:34,811 Done. Next. 157 00:05:34,896 --> 00:05:36,279 Can we put the Hulkster in it? 158 00:05:36,398 --> 00:05:37,614 What? 159 00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:42,619 You talking about putting Hulk Hogan, 160 00:05:42,737 --> 00:05:46,372 professional wrestler turned actor 161 00:05:46,458 --> 00:05:48,741 turned cultural icon 162 00:05:48,877 --> 00:05:49,993 in the movie, 163 00:05:50,078 --> 00:05:52,996 where he break the fourth wall of the movie he's in 164 00:05:53,081 --> 00:05:54,631 by talking to the audience. 165 00:05:54,749 --> 00:05:56,582 You, sir... 166 00:05:56,718 --> 00:05:58,968 are a raging psychopath. 167 00:05:59,087 --> 00:06:01,638 Don't let this town take that away from you. 168 00:06:04,426 --> 00:06:05,975 That's it. I don't even care anymore. 169 00:06:06,094 --> 00:06:07,427 We got the Hulkster in this bitch, 170 00:06:07,512 --> 00:06:08,428 so it's done. 171 00:06:08,513 --> 00:06:09,896 I don't have any more time, 172 00:06:09,981 --> 00:06:11,648 so let me just recap right now. 173 00:06:11,766 --> 00:06:13,399 It's brainy gremlin, spider gremlin, 174 00:06:13,485 --> 00:06:15,401 bat gremlin, lady gremlin, googly-eyed gremlin, 175 00:06:15,487 --> 00:06:16,436 electricity gremlin, 176 00:06:16,571 --> 00:06:17,854 Hulk Hogan's gonna be in the picture. 177 00:06:17,939 --> 00:06:20,023 I'm gonna throw in a gremlin myself. 178 00:06:20,108 --> 00:06:21,908 Vegetable gremlin! Just write it up. 179 00:06:21,993 --> 00:06:23,276 - I'm having so much fun. - Why not? 180 00:06:23,411 --> 00:06:25,278 Thank you, it's all gonna be in the actual film. 181 00:06:25,413 --> 00:06:26,779 Now I got to go put some cowboys 182 00:06:26,915 --> 00:06:27,947 in Back to the Future III. 183 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:28,948 Sayonara, y'all. 184 00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:30,199 Ooh! 185 00:06:32,454 --> 00:06:35,088 (applause) 186 00:06:35,173 --> 00:06:36,622 Now, okay, you guys know 187 00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:39,592 that none of that is gonna be in the actual movie. 188 00:06:39,678 --> 00:06:42,679 (upbeat electronic music) 189 00:06:45,617 --> 00:06:47,116 (haunting Western music) 190 00:06:47,252 --> 00:06:50,119 (dramatic music) 191 00:06:50,255 --> 00:06:53,734 192 00:06:57,027 --> 00:06:58,026 Morning. 193 00:07:01,665 --> 00:07:03,781 - Ron. - Good morning, Mr. Sheltie. 194 00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:05,083 How's the fam? 195 00:07:05,168 --> 00:07:07,035 Oh, I don't--I don't have-- I'm single, sir. 196 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:08,620 I'm not married. I mean, I do have a girlfriend. 197 00:07:08,755 --> 00:07:09,621 That's great. 198 00:07:09,756 --> 00:07:10,839 (coughs) Oh, God! 199 00:07:10,957 --> 00:07:12,724 (slaps hands) 200 00:07:12,826 --> 00:07:14,959 Hey, I need you to do me a favor. 201 00:07:15,095 --> 00:07:16,211 Make sure everybody knows 202 00:07:16,296 --> 00:07:18,963 that the bagels are for sales associates only. 203 00:07:19,099 --> 00:07:21,633 No problem, sir. 204 00:07:21,768 --> 00:07:24,302 All right, let's get this sales presentation started. 205 00:07:24,387 --> 00:07:25,687 (laughs nervously) 206 00:07:25,805 --> 00:07:27,138 All right, who's hungover? 207 00:07:27,224 --> 00:07:28,139 (laughter) Not me. 208 00:07:28,225 --> 00:07:29,941 I know Ron is. 209 00:07:30,026 --> 00:07:31,142 That's not true. 210 00:07:31,228 --> 00:07:32,143 You're an alcoholic. 211 00:07:32,229 --> 00:07:33,528 (laughter) 212 00:07:33,647 --> 00:07:35,280 I'm not, sir, I'm not. 213 00:07:35,365 --> 00:07:36,814 214 00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:40,902 Hey, guys, sales associates, friends. 215 00:07:40,987 --> 00:07:43,488 Today I want to talk about... 216 00:07:43,623 --> 00:07:44,822 the world's oldest profession. 217 00:07:44,908 --> 00:07:47,859 (laughs) Now hold on, hold on! 218 00:07:47,961 --> 00:07:49,093 I know, I know what you're thinking, right? 219 00:07:49,196 --> 00:07:50,395 Sex and prostitutes. 220 00:07:50,497 --> 00:07:51,913 That's not what I'm talking about. 221 00:07:51,998 --> 00:07:52,914 Okay? 222 00:07:52,999 --> 00:07:54,766 I'm talking about sales. 223 00:07:54,834 --> 00:07:57,468 And if you look at our ancient history as human beings, 224 00:07:57,554 --> 00:07:58,887 the first caveman out there... 225 00:07:59,005 --> 00:08:01,890 (ominous music) 226 00:08:02,008 --> 00:08:05,829 227 00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:12,016 Oh, I'm sorry, those are for sales associates only. 228 00:08:12,102 --> 00:08:13,067 It's food. 229 00:08:13,186 --> 00:08:15,687 N-not for you, I'm sorry. 230 00:08:15,822 --> 00:08:17,906 Bagels are just for sales associates. 231 00:08:18,024 --> 00:08:19,123 For sale? 232 00:08:19,192 --> 00:08:20,441 No, it's free. 233 00:08:20,527 --> 00:08:21,609 Oh, for free? 234 00:08:21,695 --> 00:08:22,944 Not-- Not for you, though. 235 00:08:23,029 --> 00:08:23,995 It's just for me? 236 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:24,996 No, the-- 237 00:08:25,081 --> 00:08:27,198 To divide ourselves... 238 00:08:27,284 --> 00:08:29,500 The bagels are only for sales associates. 239 00:08:29,586 --> 00:08:31,085 Ron. 240 00:08:31,204 --> 00:08:32,370 Love the enthusiasm, 241 00:08:32,505 --> 00:08:33,805 but it's a little distracting. 242 00:08:33,873 --> 00:08:34,956 (laughter) 243 00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,241 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, sir. 244 00:08:36,343 --> 00:08:37,926 Oh, don't do it again, please. 245 00:08:38,044 --> 00:08:39,344 Sorry. 246 00:08:39,429 --> 00:08:40,545 Moving on... 247 00:08:40,630 --> 00:08:41,746 For me maybe? 248 00:08:41,848 --> 00:08:42,880 No, not--not maybe. 249 00:08:42,966 --> 00:08:44,315 I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. 250 00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:45,300 Foss? 251 00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:46,551 Foss-- What? 252 00:08:46,686 --> 00:08:47,552 For us? 253 00:08:47,687 --> 00:08:48,937 For us? No, no, not for us. 254 00:08:49,055 --> 00:08:50,221 One, just one. 255 00:08:50,357 --> 00:08:51,856 It's just that they're for sales associates only. 256 00:08:51,958 --> 00:08:53,091 For me maybe? 257 00:08:53,193 --> 00:08:55,260 258 00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:56,694 - Forget-- - Okay, Ron! 259 00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:57,812 Yep. 260 00:08:57,897 --> 00:08:59,647 Just shut up. (chuckles) 261 00:08:59,766 --> 00:09:02,734 All right, what was the first tongue twister 262 00:09:02,819 --> 00:09:04,569 you remember hearing? 263 00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:06,571 Was it "she shells"-- (laughs) 264 00:09:06,706 --> 00:09:08,740 - Sir, no, sir. - Was it--was it "she sells"-- 265 00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:11,909 Cream cheese is also only for sales associates. 266 00:09:11,995 --> 00:09:13,745 How come it's not for me, why? 267 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,413 Because the bagels are for sales-- 268 00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:16,781 - Ron. - Yes. 269 00:09:16,883 --> 00:09:18,082 Time and place, man. 270 00:09:18,218 --> 00:09:19,083 I'm sorry, this guy just keeps trying 271 00:09:19,219 --> 00:09:20,084 to grab a bagel, and-- 272 00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:21,169 Ron, do you want to come up here 273 00:09:21,254 --> 00:09:22,303 and do the presentation? 274 00:09:22,422 --> 00:09:23,621 I'll go back there and be a jackass? 275 00:09:23,723 --> 00:09:25,256 You just asked me to make sure that nobody but-- 276 00:09:25,342 --> 00:09:27,258 "Oh, the sign says-- my name's Ron. 277 00:09:27,344 --> 00:09:30,328 I like to drink alcohol and listen to signs all day." 278 00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,764 He's really relentless about having a bagel. 279 00:09:32,899 --> 00:09:34,732 - And I tol-- - Ron, handle your bagels! 280 00:09:34,818 --> 00:09:36,851 I'm trying. 281 00:09:36,936 --> 00:09:38,353 Unbelievable, everybody. 282 00:09:38,438 --> 00:09:40,188 All right, I'll just-- I'll start cold. 283 00:09:40,273 --> 00:09:41,522 Cells make up our bodies, 284 00:09:41,608 --> 00:09:42,940 but selling makes our bodies come alive. 285 00:09:43,026 --> 00:09:43,941 (sniffing) 286 00:09:44,027 --> 00:09:47,211 Sir, seriously, stop. 287 00:09:47,314 --> 00:09:48,613 Not even smell? 288 00:09:48,715 --> 00:09:50,415 No, no, no! 289 00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,616 You can't have any bagels! 290 00:09:51,751 --> 00:09:52,700 You can't have any cream cheese! 291 00:09:52,786 --> 00:09:54,118 And you can't have smells! 292 00:09:54,204 --> 00:09:55,620 That's what the [bleep] sign says! 293 00:09:55,755 --> 00:09:56,838 - Ron! - Yes! 294 00:09:56,956 --> 00:09:57,955 You are fired, sir! 295 00:09:58,091 --> 00:09:59,757 Of course I am! 296 00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,547 (sighs) All right, you know what? 297 00:10:06,633 --> 00:10:07,715 Just give me a minute. 298 00:10:07,801 --> 00:10:10,601 I'm gonna try to forget Ron ruined my day, 299 00:10:10,687 --> 00:10:12,520 'cause this presentation is great, 300 00:10:12,639 --> 00:10:13,938 and it's going great. 301 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,606 I'm gonna get a bagel. 302 00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:17,225 These bagels... 303 00:10:19,446 --> 00:10:21,979 Bagels are for sales associates. 304 00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:25,316 He's right, Ron. 305 00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:30,109 (haunting Western music) 306 00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,977 You ever be, like, getting busy... 307 00:10:32,063 --> 00:10:32,978 and then the dog's there? 308 00:10:33,064 --> 00:10:34,313 - Yeah. - That's the worst. 309 00:10:34,398 --> 00:10:36,148 It's weird because sometimes they stare at you. 310 00:10:36,234 --> 00:10:37,149 They stare at you. 311 00:10:37,235 --> 00:10:38,150 They're just staring at you. 312 00:10:38,236 --> 00:10:39,235 No big deal to them. 313 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:40,486 Just like, "Oh, yeah, I did that earlier." 314 00:10:40,621 --> 00:10:41,487 Can't even jerk off anymore 315 00:10:41,622 --> 00:10:43,789 without my dog just being like... 316 00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,158 I'm like, "Dude, you never look at me. 317 00:10:46,244 --> 00:10:47,493 Why now?" 318 00:10:47,578 --> 00:10:50,412 "This is when you choose to give me a penetrating stare." 319 00:10:50,531 --> 00:10:51,630 Aw, bad choice of words. 320 00:10:51,716 --> 00:10:52,998 Yeah, I should not have said that. 321 00:10:53,084 --> 00:10:55,417 322 00:10:56,671 --> 00:10:57,753 Oh, thank you. 323 00:10:57,997 --> 00:10:59,883 I wish I could just stay at my old place, 324 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,285 but I can't afford the new rent. 325 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,675 Yeah, moving sucks. 326 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,177 You know, strangers handling your belongings. 327 00:11:05,263 --> 00:11:07,039 The movers always break something. 328 00:11:07,122 --> 00:11:09,481 Oh, no, I can't afford professional movers. 329 00:11:09,567 --> 00:11:10,933 I'm moving myself this Saturday. 330 00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:11,934 (eerie music) 331 00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,152 Gonna do most of the small stuff 332 00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:15,354 just going back and forth with my hatchback. 333 00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:17,907 (echoing) Do you think you can borrow your roommate's van? 334 00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,326 You can help me with some of the big stuff? 335 00:11:26,117 --> 00:11:29,501 Um... Yeah... 336 00:11:29,587 --> 00:11:30,869 You know what? 337 00:11:30,955 --> 00:11:32,454 I've been thinking a lot lately, 338 00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:35,124 and I think we need to spend some time apart. 339 00:11:36,711 --> 00:11:37,927 Not to break up, no. 340 00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:41,180 Just, I just-- just some time. 341 00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:44,216 Time apart to... figure ourselves out. 342 00:11:44,302 --> 00:11:46,719 And-- And then we come back together stronger, 343 00:11:46,804 --> 00:11:48,354 you know? 344 00:11:48,439 --> 00:11:50,556 This is coming out of nowhere. 345 00:11:50,641 --> 00:11:51,607 No, it's not. 346 00:11:51,726 --> 00:11:54,476 I've-- I have tried to tell you, 347 00:11:54,562 --> 00:11:56,946 like, a million different ways. 348 00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,230 But you don't listen. 349 00:11:58,316 --> 00:11:59,531 See, that's the thing, 350 00:11:59,617 --> 00:12:01,066 is that you never listen. 351 00:12:01,152 --> 00:12:03,402 I don't need this time apart for me. 352 00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:05,204 I need this time apart for us. 353 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,239 How long do you think it's gonna take you to move? 354 00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:09,241 Okay, this is about the move. 355 00:12:09,377 --> 00:12:10,576 You don't want to help me move. 356 00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:12,411 Wha-- What? 357 00:12:12,496 --> 00:12:14,413 I-- I would love to help you move. 358 00:12:14,498 --> 00:12:16,081 That's what boyfriends do. 359 00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:17,333 Claire. 360 00:12:17,418 --> 00:12:18,917 I just think that it's a weird coincidence 361 00:12:19,053 --> 00:12:20,135 that you need space 362 00:12:20,254 --> 00:12:21,670 right when I'm about to move. 363 00:12:21,756 --> 00:12:23,339 Oh, my God! 364 00:12:23,424 --> 00:12:24,556 Oh, my God! 365 00:12:24,642 --> 00:12:26,392 I am so sorry 366 00:12:26,477 --> 00:12:29,345 that I didn't plan my emotional turmoil 367 00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:30,929 around your move. 368 00:12:31,065 --> 00:12:32,431 Look at your face, see? 369 00:12:32,566 --> 00:12:35,017 And now you've assumed the worst of me, 370 00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:36,185 because you do that, 371 00:12:36,270 --> 00:12:37,770 and that's why we need to spend time 372 00:12:37,905 --> 00:12:39,188 apart from each other. 373 00:12:39,273 --> 00:12:41,657 That is not fair. 374 00:12:41,776 --> 00:12:43,242 Not fair-- Fair? 375 00:12:43,674 --> 00:12:45,895 Babe, all I'm asking for 376 00:12:46,106 --> 00:12:49,471 is 12 lousy hours this Saturday. 377 00:12:49,617 --> 00:12:50,949 Okay, fine! 378 00:12:51,085 --> 00:12:52,841 "Okay, fine"? 379 00:12:53,504 --> 00:12:54,870 We'll move on Sunday. 380 00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:56,288 48 hours. 381 00:12:56,374 --> 00:12:57,623 I don't know what I was thinking. 382 00:12:57,708 --> 00:13:00,342 12 hours is nowhere near 383 00:13:00,461 --> 00:13:04,630 enough time to do what I need to do 384 00:13:04,765 --> 00:13:07,216 to make our relationship stronger. 385 00:13:07,301 --> 00:13:09,134 See, you got me all... 386 00:13:09,270 --> 00:13:10,135 confused. 387 00:13:10,271 --> 00:13:11,353 And you know what? 388 00:13:11,472 --> 00:13:13,055 I love you, but I got to get out of here. 389 00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:14,807 I can't-- I just can't-- I don't-- 390 00:13:14,942 --> 00:13:15,808 I'm so confused right now. 391 00:13:15,943 --> 00:13:16,942 (phone dings) 392 00:13:17,028 --> 00:13:18,110 I feel--I can't think, 393 00:13:18,195 --> 00:13:19,945 and the walls are closing in on me. 394 00:13:20,031 --> 00:13:21,480 I just don't know what to do. 395 00:13:21,565 --> 00:13:23,732 Oh, it's my landlord. 396 00:13:23,818 --> 00:13:25,484 He says he doesn't want to lose me as a tenant, 397 00:13:25,619 --> 00:13:29,071 so he is not going to raise my rent. 398 00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:32,541 Now I don't have to leave my place. 399 00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:34,743 And I don't need time apart, 400 00:13:34,829 --> 00:13:37,663 because we're perfect together. 401 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,000 Will you marry me? 402 00:13:44,555 --> 00:13:46,252 You're painting my apartment. 403 00:13:47,341 --> 00:13:48,902 Of course I'm painting your apartment. 404 00:13:48,937 --> 00:13:50,186 That's what boyfriends do. 405 00:13:50,173 --> 00:13:52,011 When exactly do you think that's gonna happen? 406 00:13:52,126 --> 00:13:53,793 (haunting Western music) 407 00:13:57,008 --> 00:14:00,843 Hey, yo, no matter what, dawg, don't snitch. 408 00:14:00,962 --> 00:14:03,796 Okay, I ain't saying nothing, dude. 409 00:14:03,931 --> 00:14:04,847 You know me. 410 00:14:04,966 --> 00:14:06,966 I'd die before I turn snitch. 411 00:14:07,051 --> 00:14:09,927 You tell them nothing, they got nothing. 412 00:14:09,987 --> 00:14:11,620 Yeah. 413 00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:14,139 You think J-Rock talking? 414 00:14:14,275 --> 00:14:15,724 Hell no, dawg. 415 00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,476 J-Rock is my cousin. 416 00:14:17,612 --> 00:14:18,644 That man would never snitch. 417 00:14:18,779 --> 00:14:20,312 All right, so just chill out here? 418 00:14:20,448 --> 00:14:21,614 Cool. 419 00:14:21,699 --> 00:14:23,566 Hey, bring that ice when you get that chance, Dwight. 420 00:14:23,651 --> 00:14:24,567 All right, man. 421 00:14:24,652 --> 00:14:25,618 (laughs) 422 00:14:25,703 --> 00:14:26,735 You the man, Dwight. 423 00:14:26,821 --> 00:14:27,870 (laughs) 424 00:14:27,989 --> 00:14:30,122 Sss... Bitch-ass cop. 425 00:14:30,207 --> 00:14:31,123 What up, J-Rock? 426 00:14:31,208 --> 00:14:32,157 They hurt you up in there? 427 00:14:32,243 --> 00:14:33,459 What you mean, "hurt you"? 428 00:14:33,544 --> 00:14:35,828 Look like he just got back from the [bleep] snack shop. 429 00:14:35,913 --> 00:14:37,162 What you say to them, man? 430 00:14:37,298 --> 00:14:40,666 (suspenseful music) 431 00:14:40,751 --> 00:14:42,001 Nothing. 432 00:14:42,136 --> 00:14:43,002 You lying piece of sh-- 433 00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:44,403 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 434 00:14:44,505 --> 00:14:46,338 This is my man right here, a'ight? 435 00:14:46,424 --> 00:14:47,640 My brother. 436 00:14:47,725 --> 00:14:51,560 This man ain't never snitch on nobody, never. 437 00:14:51,679 --> 00:14:53,062 Whatever. 438 00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:54,480 Now, look... 439 00:14:56,317 --> 00:14:58,550 We in this together, right, hmm? 440 00:14:58,653 --> 00:15:01,086 Nobody says nothing, right? 441 00:15:01,188 --> 00:15:02,187 - Right. - Right. 442 00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:03,188 - Right. - Right. 443 00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:04,239 Nobody gonna say nothing 444 00:15:04,358 --> 00:15:07,326 about how Big Earl shot up that liquor store. 445 00:15:07,411 --> 00:15:08,661 No, no, no. 446 00:15:08,746 --> 00:15:09,745 It wasn't Big Earl. 447 00:15:09,864 --> 00:15:12,665 What the hell are you talking about? 448 00:15:12,750 --> 00:15:13,699 It wasn't? 449 00:15:13,834 --> 00:15:15,034 Hell no. 450 00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:17,453 Buckshot's the one that held up that liquor store. 451 00:15:18,923 --> 00:15:20,506 Buckshot. 452 00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:23,597 453 00:15:25,346 --> 00:15:26,545 (muttering) 454 00:15:26,631 --> 00:15:28,464 Now where's he going? 455 00:15:28,549 --> 00:15:29,548 I don't know, maybe he's going 456 00:15:29,634 --> 00:15:30,683 to the bathroom or some [bleep]. 457 00:15:30,768 --> 00:15:32,801 Man, he's going in there to snitch on us. 458 00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:34,303 No, no, listen, let me tell you something. 459 00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:35,471 That's my boy right there. 460 00:15:35,556 --> 00:15:36,639 We grew up together. 461 00:15:36,724 --> 00:15:38,691 That is a stand-up G. 462 00:15:38,776 --> 00:15:40,225 That man would never snitch. 463 00:15:40,361 --> 00:15:42,227 Pizza time! 464 00:15:42,313 --> 00:15:44,063 Pizza time, pizza time. 465 00:15:44,148 --> 00:15:45,931 Everybody love pizza time. 466 00:15:46,033 --> 00:15:47,733 Wake up in the morning, it's pizza time 467 00:15:47,818 --> 00:15:49,618 Go ahead and eat it, it's pizza time 468 00:15:49,737 --> 00:15:51,487 Pizza, pizza, p-pizza time 469 00:15:51,605 --> 00:15:54,907 Mother[bleep] pig-ass cop, man. 470 00:15:55,042 --> 00:15:55,941 - Oh, no. - Hold on, hold on. 471 00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:57,910 - Snitch-- - Hold on, hold on. 472 00:15:58,045 --> 00:16:01,413 Now, J-Rock, um... 473 00:16:01,499 --> 00:16:02,414 where'd you get the pizza? 474 00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,500 Yeah. 475 00:16:04,585 --> 00:16:06,585 Back there. 476 00:16:06,671 --> 00:16:08,220 I-- I-- 477 00:16:08,305 --> 00:16:09,388 I bought it. 478 00:16:09,473 --> 00:16:10,506 You know what, listen to me. 479 00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:12,341 This ain't no [bleep] game, okay? 480 00:16:12,426 --> 00:16:14,143 If I find out you done snitched on us, 481 00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:15,511 I'm gonna bust a cap 482 00:16:15,596 --> 00:16:17,763 in your tiny pizza-breath ass, 483 00:16:17,848 --> 00:16:20,482 and then I'm gonna bury you in my mother's basement 484 00:16:20,601 --> 00:16:23,769 with the rest of the snitches. 485 00:16:23,904 --> 00:16:25,771 - (muttering) - What? 486 00:16:25,906 --> 00:16:26,905 No, what'd he say? What'd he say? 487 00:16:26,991 --> 00:16:28,323 Where you going? Where you going? 488 00:16:28,442 --> 00:16:29,525 Where you going now? Where you g-- 489 00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:32,578 Oh, see, see? 490 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:33,696 See, look, look. 491 00:16:33,781 --> 00:16:35,280 Look, he's selling me out right now. 492 00:16:35,366 --> 00:16:36,331 No, no, no, he's saying 493 00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:38,250 that "I would never sell out that man." 494 00:16:38,335 --> 00:16:40,219 What? 495 00:16:40,321 --> 00:16:42,371 I'm telling you. 496 00:16:42,456 --> 00:16:44,423 All right, let's go. 497 00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:45,874 - Let's go, come on. - Oh, hell, man. 498 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,042 See, what'd I tell you, Rockwell, huh? 499 00:16:47,128 --> 00:16:48,043 What I tell you? 500 00:16:48,129 --> 00:16:49,094 You snitch-ass-- 501 00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,513 Roll with me, roll with me 502 00:16:51,632 --> 00:16:52,514 Let the night unfold 503 00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:53,632 (horn beeps) 504 00:16:53,768 --> 00:16:55,100 - What the-- - With me 505 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,434 (haunting Western music) 506 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,853 You know, there's, like, 507 00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:03,605 five different incarnations of the black handshake, right? 508 00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:06,275 And they're all fairly simple. 509 00:17:06,410 --> 00:17:08,076 But I don't know if somebody's coming in for the--oh, what? 510 00:17:08,162 --> 00:17:09,077 Yeah, yeah. What? 511 00:17:09,163 --> 00:17:10,279 And then we got to turn that. 512 00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:12,314 And then the worst is when you get 513 00:17:12,416 --> 00:17:13,282 what I call "grabbing the apple." 514 00:17:13,417 --> 00:17:14,750 Okay. 515 00:17:14,835 --> 00:17:16,285 So dude comes in there, and he's coming in for the bump. 516 00:17:16,420 --> 00:17:18,036 - You grab a dude's apple-- - For the bump. 517 00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:19,588 You're always the one looking a little weird. 518 00:17:19,673 --> 00:17:21,506 - You're the apple-grabber. - You're grabbing the apple. 519 00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,958 He's feeling palm. He doesn't want that. 520 00:17:23,093 --> 00:17:24,543 And he's going, "Whoa, dude, get your palm off my knucks." 521 00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:25,544 He didn't come here for that. 522 00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:26,545 He didn't want that. 523 00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:27,713 - He just wants to meet people. - Yeah. 524 00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:29,598 525 00:17:31,363 --> 00:17:33,162 (haunting Western music) 526 00:17:34,168 --> 00:17:37,169 (indistinct chatter) 527 00:17:43,710 --> 00:17:44,876 (sighs) 528 00:17:45,012 --> 00:17:46,044 Here is your white wine. 529 00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:47,629 - Thank you. - You are welcome. 530 00:17:47,714 --> 00:17:48,763 Hey, Pete. 531 00:17:48,882 --> 00:17:50,515 Little-- little thirsty tonight? 532 00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:52,217 Ha, yeah. 533 00:17:52,352 --> 00:17:53,385 Super thirsty. 534 00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:54,386 (laughs) 535 00:17:54,471 --> 00:17:55,604 Pete, this is Haraysa. 536 00:17:55,722 --> 00:17:56,888 Haraysa, this is Pete. 537 00:17:57,024 --> 00:17:59,024 Haraysa just got back from Africa. 538 00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:01,893 Oh, Africa. 539 00:18:05,065 --> 00:18:06,565 Anyways, uh, where was I? 540 00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:07,999 Oh, the AUC. 541 00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:09,651 Oh, right, so this conflict 542 00:18:09,736 --> 00:18:12,237 is exactly the reason the African Union Commission 543 00:18:12,372 --> 00:18:13,572 was put in place to address. 544 00:18:13,707 --> 00:18:15,240 The organization of African Unity 545 00:18:15,375 --> 00:18:16,491 certainly wasn't gonna do anything. 546 00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:17,626 Oh, exactly. 547 00:18:17,744 --> 00:18:19,578 And if Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma 548 00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:21,246 wants to do anything about Bangui, 549 00:18:21,331 --> 00:18:22,581 she's certainly being quiet about it. 550 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:23,999 The worst part about Bangui 551 00:18:24,084 --> 00:18:25,834 is that no one knows what's going on. 552 00:18:25,919 --> 00:18:26,835 Oh, no, I know. 553 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:27,886 I mean, look at right next door, 554 00:18:27,971 --> 00:18:28,970 the South Sudan. 555 00:18:29,089 --> 00:18:30,005 Here's the thing. 556 00:18:30,090 --> 00:18:31,223 Everybody just thinks that it's like-- 557 00:18:31,308 --> 00:18:32,340 that it's the damn Lion King over there. 558 00:18:32,426 --> 00:18:33,341 You know? 559 00:18:33,427 --> 00:18:34,593 Lion King. 560 00:18:37,564 --> 00:18:38,730 Excuse me? 561 00:18:41,318 --> 00:18:43,068 It's not The Lion King. 562 00:18:45,022 --> 00:18:46,655 Exactly. 563 00:18:46,773 --> 00:18:47,939 I mean, what do people think? 564 00:18:48,025 --> 00:18:49,274 A... 565 00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:52,277 baboon is going to hold a lion cub 566 00:18:52,362 --> 00:18:54,913 over a rock, up to the sun, 567 00:18:54,998 --> 00:18:57,666 while all the little animals sing? 568 00:19:00,337 --> 00:19:02,003 Anyway... 569 00:19:02,122 --> 00:19:03,004 Um... 570 00:19:03,123 --> 00:19:04,039 So I also wanted to mention is, 571 00:19:04,124 --> 00:19:05,457 they have the manpower, 572 00:19:05,592 --> 00:19:07,709 because AMISOM has 25,000 troops 573 00:19:07,794 --> 00:19:09,377 just sitting there in Somalia. 574 00:19:09,463 --> 00:19:14,015 It's not a "three animated hyenas" situation. 575 00:19:14,134 --> 00:19:15,967 That doesn't make any sense. 576 00:19:16,053 --> 00:19:19,938 The bad guy isn't Scar over there. 577 00:19:20,023 --> 00:19:21,356 Um...yeah. 578 00:19:21,475 --> 00:19:22,390 Yeah, that's right. 579 00:19:22,476 --> 00:19:24,693 It's not like Scar's the bad guy. 580 00:19:24,811 --> 00:19:26,645 Well, I mean, you know, the truth is, 581 00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:28,613 no one knows who to blame, 582 00:19:28,699 --> 00:19:29,814 because in reality, 583 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:32,200 AMISOM doesn't have that much control. 584 00:19:32,319 --> 00:19:34,286 - They don't. - Like Simba. 585 00:19:34,371 --> 00:19:35,987 Oh, like Simba. 586 00:19:36,073 --> 00:19:38,490 He had no control over-- 587 00:19:38,575 --> 00:19:41,576 Well, he was plucked out from his home 588 00:19:41,662 --> 00:19:43,828 and went on a whole journey 589 00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:44,963 before he came back 590 00:19:45,048 --> 00:19:47,082 and was just in the middle of a war. 591 00:19:47,167 --> 00:19:49,000 Really had nothing to do with him. 592 00:19:49,136 --> 00:19:51,136 You know, Pete, I'd be really interested 593 00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:52,220 in hearing your thoughts 594 00:19:52,339 --> 00:19:54,339 on the UN's policies in East Africa. 595 00:19:56,977 --> 00:19:58,009 Hakuna matata. 596 00:19:58,145 --> 00:19:59,010 (scoffs) 597 00:19:59,146 --> 00:20:01,096 Unbelievable. 598 00:20:01,181 --> 00:20:03,014 Yes. 599 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:06,735 My God, that sums it up perfectly. 600 00:20:06,853 --> 00:20:09,070 There's so much work still to be done. 601 00:20:09,189 --> 00:20:10,522 Yes, that's what I was saying. 602 00:20:10,607 --> 00:20:12,407 This has been going on for so many years. 603 00:20:12,526 --> 00:20:14,275 So many years, Circle of Life. 604 00:20:14,361 --> 00:20:15,860 Hmm. 605 00:20:15,996 --> 00:20:18,196 Exactly, that's really brilliant. 606 00:20:18,332 --> 00:20:19,414 I'm not brilliant. 607 00:20:19,533 --> 00:20:21,416 Let's dial it back. 608 00:20:21,535 --> 00:20:22,534 I'm just a man. 609 00:20:22,619 --> 00:20:24,536 Okay, uh, I'm gonna-- 610 00:20:24,671 --> 00:20:27,706 I'm gonna go get some hors d'oeuvres. 611 00:20:27,841 --> 00:20:29,708 Okay, no need to announce it. 612 00:20:34,181 --> 00:20:37,599 What are your thoughts on the Middle East? 613 00:20:37,718 --> 00:20:38,717 Aladdin. 614 00:20:41,138 --> 00:20:42,437 Huh. 615 00:20:42,556 --> 00:20:45,440 (haunting Western music) 616 00:20:45,559 --> 00:20:47,142 We never made a Key and Peele handshake. 617 00:20:47,227 --> 00:20:48,393 It should be something like this. 618 00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:49,644 It should be like boop, whap, 619 00:20:49,730 --> 00:20:51,312 and then you got to peel it on back. 620 00:20:51,398 --> 00:20:52,564 Real literal. 621 00:20:52,649 --> 00:20:54,399 - That would do the trick. - So dumb, so dumb. 622 00:20:54,534 --> 00:20:56,401 I'm gonna do my one line here 623 00:20:56,536 --> 00:20:58,486 Oh, yeah. 624 00:20:58,551 --> 00:21:00,030 Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com 625 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:04,630 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41991

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