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1
00:00:03,717 --> 00:00:06,668
I understand this is
your first professional massage?
2
00:00:06,754 --> 00:00:08,921
- That's right. Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
3
00:00:09,006 --> 00:00:10,457
I want to make you aware
of some things
4
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:11,816
that may or may not happen,
5
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:14,393
but there's no need
to feel embarrassed if they do.
6
00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:15,727
Okay.
7
00:00:15,763 --> 00:00:17,980
- Things such as crying.
- Really?
8
00:00:18,065 --> 00:00:19,264
Mm, oh, yes.
9
00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:22,901
Massage can release
pent-up emotions.
10
00:00:22,937 --> 00:00:26,855
Also, not uncommon
is the release of gas.
11
00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:27,906
Like farting?
12
00:00:27,942 --> 00:00:29,858
That's right, like farting.
13
00:00:29,944 --> 00:00:32,111
- Also, erections.
- Really?
14
00:00:32,196 --> 00:00:33,732
- Yeah.
- I didn't know that.
15
00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:35,235
Let's get started.
16
00:00:38,536 --> 00:00:39,751
(crying)
17
00:00:39,787 --> 00:00:43,255
(farts)
18
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,124
Well, at least
you didn't get a--
19
00:00:45,209 --> 00:00:46,675
There it is.
20
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,761
(haunting Western music)
21
00:00:49,797 --> 00:00:52,556
22
00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:11,709
Sync & corrections by dwigt
addic7ed.com
23
00:01:11,986 --> 00:01:13,652
So what's
the craziest biblical name?
24
00:01:13,737 --> 00:01:16,989
One of the best names
in the Bible is Nimrod.
25
00:01:17,074 --> 00:01:18,540
Don't think that didn't come
from the Bible.
26
00:01:18,626 --> 00:01:20,159
And what,
is that the character that just,
27
00:01:20,211 --> 00:01:22,327
- like, fucked up?
- No, you know what?
28
00:01:22,379 --> 00:01:25,797
Nimrod, Nimrod is--
29
00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:27,332
Nimrod is a mighty warrior.
30
00:01:27,384 --> 00:01:29,406
There's a high school basketball
team in Northern Michigan
31
00:01:29,454 --> 00:01:30,586
called the Nimrods.
32
00:01:30,671 --> 00:01:33,005
Can you imagine
having to be like,
33
00:01:33,057 --> 00:01:35,924
"Who a Nimrod?
We Nimrods!"
34
00:01:38,479 --> 00:01:41,313
(muffled shouting)
35
00:01:55,029 --> 00:01:57,162
Here we come, son.
Here we come.
36
00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,364
(shouting)
Hut!
37
00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:02,501
(epic theatrical music)
38
00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:05,295
39
00:02:28,229 --> 00:02:31,063
(high-pitched tone)
40
00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:39,488
(whistle blowing)
41
00:02:39,573 --> 00:02:40,739
Man, you feeling all right?
42
00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:43,909
Yeah, I'm fine, man!
43
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:46,245
Let's go, let's go!
44
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,547
- Come on!
- Let's go, man!
45
00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:50,415
Man, what are we doing
out there?
46
00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,918
What are we doing out there,
huh?
47
00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:54,253
Because I don't know.
48
00:02:54,338 --> 00:02:55,804
No, seriously,
what-- what are we doing?
49
00:02:55,889 --> 00:02:58,423
What-- What are we doing?
50
00:02:58,509 --> 00:02:59,925
- Playing football?
- Okay, yeah.
51
00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:01,476
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
52
00:03:01,562 --> 00:03:04,680
that's it, man.
Playing football, yeah?
53
00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:06,982
Yo, Eqqsquizitine.
54
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:09,401
You need to let the medics
take a look at you, man.
55
00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:11,486
Dude, I'm all right, man.
I'm fine.
56
00:03:11,572 --> 00:03:12,988
Shoot.
57
00:03:13,073 --> 00:03:14,523
I'm here,
58
00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:16,441
And I'm ready to do this, man.
59
00:03:16,477 --> 00:03:19,027
- All right.
- What about you all, man?
60
00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:21,396
- Do you want this?
- Yeah.
61
00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:22,678
- Yeah.
- Do you want this?
62
00:03:22,731 --> 00:03:23,565
(all) Yeah.
63
00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,317
- Do you want this?
- (all) Yeah!
64
00:03:25,369 --> 00:03:26,899
- Do you want this?
- (all) Yeah!
65
00:03:26,983 --> 00:03:28,370
I mean, all you had to do
was ask, man.
66
00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:29,871
There's plenty of apple pie
to go around.
67
00:03:29,957 --> 00:03:31,156
You want some apple pie,
brother?
68
00:03:31,241 --> 00:03:32,324
You want some apple pie,
brother?
69
00:03:32,376 --> 00:03:33,959
Come on, man.
Who want a slice?
70
00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:37,128
Yo, Eqqsquizitine,
ain't no apple pie, man.
71
00:03:37,164 --> 00:03:38,663
- That's your helmet.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
72
00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:41,049
Dog, dog, dog, maybe you should
just sit out the next play.
73
00:03:41,134 --> 00:03:42,334
- Sit out the next play?
- Yeah.
74
00:03:42,419 --> 00:03:43,458
Are you gonna sit
out the next play?
75
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,034
Nah.
76
00:03:44,087 --> 00:03:45,109
You gonna sit
out the next play?
77
00:03:45,148 --> 00:03:46,743
I didn't think so.
I don't need
78
00:03:46,799 --> 00:03:48,306
to sit out the next play,
and I'm gonna tell you why.
79
00:03:48,342 --> 00:03:49,758
'cause all y'all.
80
00:03:49,843 --> 00:03:51,560
'cause I know y'all got my back.
81
00:03:51,645 --> 00:03:53,678
Y'all know what I see
when I look at you?
82
00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:55,730
I'ma tell you what I see.
83
00:03:55,816 --> 00:03:57,649
- Grown men...
- Yeah, yeah.
84
00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,568
- Who look like giants...
- Yeah.
85
00:03:59,653 --> 00:04:01,403
with really big shoulders...
86
00:04:01,488 --> 00:04:02,521
(all) Yeah!
87
00:04:02,573 --> 00:04:04,155
who are wearing short pants.
88
00:04:04,191 --> 00:04:05,740
What?
89
00:04:05,826 --> 00:04:09,160
And just right there, a few
seconds of complete darkness,
90
00:04:09,196 --> 00:04:11,196
and then I saw some
little floaty specks of light
91
00:04:11,248 --> 00:04:12,364
in the air, up like that.
92
00:04:12,449 --> 00:04:14,032
- Eqqsquizitine.
- Who is that?
93
00:04:14,117 --> 00:04:15,583
Is that Cartoons Plural
talking to me?
94
00:04:15,621 --> 00:04:16,251
Yeah!
95
00:04:16,336 --> 00:04:17,335
Cartoons Plural,
where you at?
96
00:04:17,371 --> 00:04:18,537
- I'm here, man.
- Oh, yes.
97
00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:21,673
You have a brain injury.
98
00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:24,209
You need to get
some medical attention.
99
00:04:24,261 --> 00:04:26,011
I'm gonna tell you right now,
Cartoon Plural,
100
00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:28,847
who needs some medical attention
is the Cougars over there.
101
00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:30,098
- Dog, dog, dog.
- What, what?
102
00:04:30,183 --> 00:04:32,434
- We're playing the Bruisers.
- Right, okay.
103
00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:33,552
- Bruisers.
- Okay.
104
00:04:33,637 --> 00:04:34,803
Listen, y'all.
105
00:04:34,888 --> 00:04:36,771
We need to remember
who we are, okay?
106
00:04:36,857 --> 00:04:38,557
We're the team of Destiny
this year.
107
00:04:38,642 --> 00:04:40,392
We're the team everybody
talking about.
108
00:04:40,444 --> 00:04:42,727
We're the team everybody
afraid of, man.
109
00:04:42,779 --> 00:04:44,229
We got to remember who we are.
110
00:04:44,281 --> 00:04:46,982
- Who are we?
- Rhinos.
111
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:49,367
- Who are we?
112
00:04:49,403 --> 00:04:50,952
(all) The Rhinos.
113
00:04:51,038 --> 00:04:52,370
- Who are we?
- (all) Rhinos!
114
00:04:52,406 --> 00:04:54,573
- Who are we?
- (all) Rhinos!
115
00:04:54,658 --> 00:04:56,374
- Who are we?
- (all) Rhinos!
116
00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:58,076
- Who are we?
- (all) Rhinos!
117
00:04:58,128 --> 00:05:01,296
- Are we the Rhinos?
- (all) Rhinos!
118
00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:05,000
Oh, my God.
119
00:05:05,085 --> 00:05:07,636
Somebody stole our horns.
120
00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:11,640
- We got to find our horns, y'all.
- Oh, fuck it.
121
00:05:11,725 --> 00:05:14,726
- Where the horns at?
- What the fuck?
122
00:05:15,462 --> 00:05:16,594
(monitors beeping)
123
00:05:16,665 --> 00:05:19,257
Doctor Forrest, dial 118,
please.
124
00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:21,842
Dr. Forrest, please dial 1-1-8.
125
00:05:21,956 --> 00:05:23,935
(sighs)
126
00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:28,406
- Don?
- Yes, I'm here.
127
00:05:30,444 --> 00:05:32,556
Promise you'll never
forget about me.
128
00:05:35,082 --> 00:05:36,157
Yes.
129
00:05:37,618 --> 00:05:39,618
Of course.
130
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:43,788
Promise me you'll take care
of our little girl.
131
00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:45,457
And love her.
132
00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:49,058
Yes, with all my heart.
133
00:05:51,214 --> 00:05:54,314
Promise me you'll stay strong
for her.
134
00:05:55,719 --> 00:05:58,470
Yes, yes.
135
00:05:58,522 --> 00:06:02,774
I promise.
136
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:05,304
And promise me you'll never
sleep with another woman.
137
00:06:08,315 --> 00:06:12,091
(clicking)
138
00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:15,214
I hear you.
139
00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:19,212
Promise me you'll take care
of Mr. Big Fluffy Tail?
140
00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,575
Yes.
141
00:06:20,661 --> 00:06:22,377
Yes, yes, yes, done.
142
00:06:22,462 --> 00:06:26,246
That cat will be
the most loved cat in the world.
143
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,166
And that you won't look
at porn.
144
00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:35,340
- Ahh.
- Huh?
145
00:06:35,425 --> 00:06:37,308
(speaking gibberish)
146
00:06:37,344 --> 00:06:38,810
Is that yes?
147
00:06:38,845 --> 00:06:40,777
Checky, checky, checky,
checky, chickety, chickety,
148
00:06:40,826 --> 00:06:42,113
Chickety check.
149
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:44,099
No pornography.
150
00:06:44,184 --> 00:06:46,949
Buster Brown says what?
151
00:06:47,738 --> 00:06:50,405
Is that a yes?
152
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,492
Yo better believe
153
00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:55,827
I heard what you said, girl.
154
00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,028
You love me, right?
155
00:06:57,114 --> 00:06:59,531
Yes, I love you.
Yes.
156
00:06:59,616 --> 00:07:00,946
And we're soul mates, right?
157
00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:02,917
Yes.
158
00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,537
So you will never, ever,
159
00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:08,403
ever think of someone else
while masturbating, right?
160
00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:11,543
(as robot)
Message received.
161
00:07:11,628 --> 00:07:13,178
I don't understand.
Is that a yes?
162
00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,013
Yo comprende.
163
00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:16,264
Is that a promise?
164
00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:19,300
(goofy voice)
Your request has been filed.
165
00:07:19,386 --> 00:07:22,303
Say you promise.
166
00:07:26,309 --> 00:07:30,145
Fuhgeddabouuuut, huh?
167
00:07:30,230 --> 00:07:31,896
Huh?
168
00:07:31,948 --> 00:07:33,545
- I need to hear you say it.
- "It".
169
00:07:33,572 --> 00:07:34,315
I-- No, say, "I pro--
170
00:07:34,401 --> 00:07:36,067
- "I promise."
- You promise.
171
00:07:36,119 --> 00:07:39,521
You-- You promise.
172
00:07:40,741 --> 00:07:42,490
Say it.
173
00:07:42,576 --> 00:07:44,989
- Okay, "I promise."
- No air quotes.
174
00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:48,814
Promises are things
that mothers--
175
00:07:48,852 --> 00:07:50,394
Say it, say it!
176
00:07:52,219 --> 00:07:54,085
I promise, I promise.
177
00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:55,336
What are you promising?
178
00:07:55,422 --> 00:07:57,422
I promise what you said.
179
00:07:57,507 --> 00:07:58,723
Fine, forget it.
180
00:07:58,759 --> 00:08:03,011
Yes.
I mean, okay.
181
00:08:05,849 --> 00:08:08,408
Will you at least promise
to go see my mom every day?
182
00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,971
So zero pornography?
Done.
183
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:13,822
I like that.
184
00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:15,240
Nurse?
185
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,492
Fix my wife!
186
00:08:18,277 --> 00:08:20,745
(crying)
187
00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:25,929
Don't touch me right now.
I'm just--
188
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,044
I'm all about you...
189
00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:34,529
I got to go to the bathroom,
like, like, right quick, though.
190
00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:36,850
Give me that--
give me that bottle, here.
191
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,033
I'm kidding.
192
00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:40,634
Do you know
anybody who's done that?
193
00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:43,303
- Ever done that?
- What, peed in a bottle?
194
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,938
- Yeah.
- Probably.
195
00:08:44,974 --> 00:08:46,273
I have a family member,
196
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,892
one time, who had
some dysentery situations.
197
00:08:48,978 --> 00:08:50,477
- Oh, no.
- And we were out
198
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:53,397
in the middle-- like, in--
It looked like this.
199
00:08:53,482 --> 00:08:55,649
- And this person--
- He had dysentery out here?
200
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:58,068
- Now, I didn't say it was a he.
- Oh.
201
00:08:58,153 --> 00:09:00,787
I'm just saying a member
of my family.
202
00:09:00,823 --> 00:09:02,072
This person had to go
to the bathroom.
203
00:09:02,157 --> 00:09:03,624
We're out in the middle
of the desert.
204
00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:06,240
We didn't have anything for this
person to go to the bathroom in.
205
00:09:06,301 --> 00:09:09,920
Nigger, there was an empty...
206
00:09:09,972 --> 00:09:11,171
Country Crock.
207
00:09:11,256 --> 00:09:14,474
(laughing)
Country Crock.
208
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,509
- Oh, no.
- There was for real,
209
00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:19,262
in real life
an empty Country Crock.
210
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,014
This person left the car?
They left the car?
211
00:09:21,099 --> 00:09:22,432
- They left the car.
- But you were in the desert,
212
00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:24,100
so somebody
could have just gone--
213
00:09:24,152 --> 00:09:25,852
They didn't have to really.
214
00:09:25,938 --> 00:09:27,354
They didn't have to.
215
00:09:27,439 --> 00:09:30,824
- And then left it?
- But it was so apropros.
216
00:09:30,909 --> 00:09:33,159
Come on, man.
Country Crock?
217
00:09:33,245 --> 00:09:36,363
How could we not use that?
218
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:39,332
Oh, shit,
I'm gonna piss myself.
219
00:09:41,197 --> 00:09:42,869
Okay, so, okay,
but check this out, okay?
220
00:09:42,955 --> 00:09:46,206
So this one time in college,
man, I was straight kicking game
221
00:09:46,291 --> 00:09:48,124
to this beautiful chick,
Diana, man?
222
00:09:48,176 --> 00:09:50,210
And the-- It's a house party,
and so anyway,
223
00:09:50,295 --> 00:09:52,128
I go to the kitchen to grab us
a couple of beers, man.
224
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:55,682
I kid you not,
I slipped on a banana peel.
225
00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:57,133
A banana peel.
It was like this.
226
00:09:57,185 --> 00:10:02,055
I was like-- just fell on my ass.
I just busted my ass.
227
00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:03,339
A banana peel?
228
00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:05,108
Like I was Buster Keaton
or something.
229
00:10:05,143 --> 00:10:07,310
I was like--
Poo!
230
00:10:07,362 --> 00:10:08,895
(laughter)
231
00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:13,566
It's-- Uh--
232
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,203
Yo-- Uo, dog, you good?
233
00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:19,651
Yeah, man, what are you doing?
234
00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:22,981
What, me?
235
00:10:24,997 --> 00:10:27,631
It was a funny story.
I was laughing.
236
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:30,023
Then let it out, man.
237
00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:32,135
Just-- Just laugh.
238
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:33,887
I am.
239
00:10:33,972 --> 00:10:37,173
Yeah, so, anyway, you know,
so I get up, right?
240
00:10:37,225 --> 00:10:38,508
And I go to grab a beer,
241
00:10:38,593 --> 00:10:40,176
And I forget they
all was shooken up
242
00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,511
when they fell, right?
243
00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:45,231
I kid you not, this beer
exploded in my crotch,
244
00:10:45,317 --> 00:10:46,942
and it looked
like I peed myself.
245
00:10:47,071 --> 00:10:49,235
And now I'm trying to walk,
but my pants...
246
00:10:49,321 --> 00:10:51,905
(laughter)
247
00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:54,357
Come on, what are we doing?
248
00:10:57,746 --> 00:10:59,529
- Don't hit--
- Don't hit my couch, Laron.
249
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:00,664
Keep your--
250
00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:10,874
Come on, yo.
I'm just laughing with y'all.
251
00:11:10,959 --> 00:11:14,044
Well, we were laughing.
252
00:11:14,096 --> 00:11:16,179
You weren't-- You didn't,
you know, make any noise.
253
00:11:16,214 --> 00:11:20,100
You just opened your mouth,
and you started jiggling.
254
00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:21,384
You looked like
a worm on crack.
255
00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:22,886
Mm-hmm.
256
00:11:22,938 --> 00:11:27,390
I guess everybody just
has their own unique laugh.
257
00:11:27,476 --> 00:11:29,225
Okay, man,
you were not laughing.
258
00:11:29,277 --> 00:11:31,811
You were not emitting sound
up out your mouth, man.
259
00:11:31,897 --> 00:11:33,613
Hey, I'm good.
260
00:11:33,699 --> 00:11:36,066
Tell your story.
261
00:11:36,118 --> 00:11:38,318
Thank you.
Oka-- Anyway,
262
00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:42,238
I went back to the kitchen
to get two fresh beers,
263
00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:44,624
and she said, "I hate beer,
264
00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:48,328
but where did my banana go?"
265
00:11:48,413 --> 00:11:49,546
And so then
we called her
266
00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:54,334
Chiquita Diana.
267
00:11:54,419 --> 00:11:56,169
There he goes.
268
00:11:56,254 --> 00:11:57,804
Laron, don't back up.
269
00:11:57,889 --> 00:11:59,089
Hey.
270
00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:00,924
- Come on, man.
- Cut it out, Laron.
271
00:12:00,976 --> 00:12:03,560
Hey,
get away from the turtles.
272
00:12:03,595 --> 00:12:05,678
Laron, don't do this,
just don't touch my tur--
273
00:12:05,764 --> 00:12:07,480
Nigga, get away from it.
274
00:12:07,566 --> 00:12:10,934
Why you knocking down my CDs?
What are you doing?
275
00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:13,269
Okay, you put a lampshade
on your head?
276
00:12:13,355 --> 00:12:14,687
- Hey.
- Come on.
277
00:12:14,773 --> 00:12:16,406
- Come on, those are priceless.
- Okay, you know what?
278
00:12:16,441 --> 00:12:18,074
Now I say, like,
you doing it intentionally, now.
279
00:12:18,110 --> 00:12:19,409
All right, see?
That's not even-- You know,
280
00:12:19,444 --> 00:12:20,944
it's almost
like you choreographed it.
281
00:12:20,996 --> 00:12:21,945
You're gonna
clean all this up.
282
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,413
Okay.
283
00:12:23,448 --> 00:12:25,526
Look, hey, if you're gonna
laugh, then just laugh!
284
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:28,005
Damn.
285
00:12:31,957 --> 00:12:34,446
Maybe sometimes
286
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,203
you ain't as funny
as you think.
287
00:12:38,547 --> 00:12:39,718
All right.
288
00:12:39,857 --> 00:12:41,435
I got something that'll make
you laugh.
289
00:12:42,368 --> 00:12:43,850
Huh?
Bap, huh?
290
00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:45,769
- Yeah, just let it out.
- There you go, Laron.
291
00:12:45,804 --> 00:12:47,008
- Yeah, that's funny.
- That's it, man.
292
00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:48,161
Just let it-- Oh, no.
293
00:12:48,173 --> 00:12:49,851
- That's funny, huh?
- There you go, man.
294
00:12:49,912 --> 00:12:51,660
- Oh! He going backwards.
- Come on, buddy.
295
00:12:51,878 --> 00:12:54,694
Just laugh, man, just laugh.
You know that's funny.
296
00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,062
- That's funny!
- Why won't you laugh?
297
00:12:56,148 --> 00:12:57,814
- Come on, just let it out.
- Just laugh, brother.
298
00:12:57,866 --> 00:12:59,365
- Come on, man.
- It's a robot.
299
00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:03,153
- Oh, man, look, look, look.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, boop. Boop.
300
00:13:03,238 --> 00:13:05,054
- Let it out.
- Boop.
301
00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:07,991
Let it out, let it out!
302
00:13:08,076 --> 00:13:09,709
(screeching roar)
303
00:13:09,795 --> 00:13:11,628
(all screaming)
304
00:13:11,663 --> 00:13:14,547
(roaring continues)
305
00:13:16,635 --> 00:13:18,384
(roaring stops)
306
00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:24,235
See, that's why I didn't
want to laugh.
307
00:13:39,574 --> 00:13:41,423
Have a good life.
308
00:13:50,890 --> 00:13:54,003
Do you remember the first time
that you had a, like--
309
00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:55,202
Nocturnal emission?
310
00:13:55,257 --> 00:13:56,723
Or a, even a--
311
00:13:56,759 --> 00:13:58,258
Okay, no, that's--
312
00:13:58,344 --> 00:14:00,761
I was gonna say, like,
a good, really good sandwich,
313
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:03,430
but a nocturnal emission.
314
00:14:03,482 --> 00:14:04,865
A wet dream, let's go.
315
00:14:04,869 --> 00:14:07,317
Is that you were--
you were gonna say sandwich?
316
00:14:07,403 --> 00:14:09,262
Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah,
when was the last time--
317
00:14:09,339 --> 00:14:11,572
the first time
you had a really great sandwich?
318
00:14:11,607 --> 00:14:13,023
You talk about wet dreams.
319
00:14:13,108 --> 00:14:15,272
- No, wait a minute.
- Do you remember the first time
320
00:14:15,346 --> 00:14:19,112
you had a wet dream
about a sandwich?
321
00:14:19,198 --> 00:14:20,948
- 'cause I do.
- 1987.
322
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,784
1987.
323
00:14:28,237 --> 00:14:31,341
Bravo, welcome.
Welcome.
324
00:14:31,427 --> 00:14:32,580
Sit anywhere you like.
Sit here.
325
00:14:32,604 --> 00:14:34,989
Sit here, in the other one.
You want to sit right here.
326
00:14:36,045 --> 00:14:37,192
That's a good lady.
327
00:14:37,299 --> 00:14:38,392
Yes, all right.
328
00:14:38,477 --> 00:14:39,559
First time?
First time?
329
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:40,444
- First time?
- Is the first time?
330
00:14:40,476 --> 00:14:41,442
First time?
331
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:42,560
- First time?
- First time for you?
332
00:14:42,645 --> 00:14:43,561
- First time?
- Yes.
333
00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:44,946
All right!
334
00:14:45,149 --> 00:14:48,191
Dobro, dobro,
good, all right.
335
00:14:48,277 --> 00:14:49,726
So what's good?
336
00:14:49,812 --> 00:14:51,194
Well, I tell you right--
337
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:52,529
You have to have the kebapi.
338
00:14:52,615 --> 00:14:54,314
Kebapi is what you
are going to have, okay?
339
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,867
Oh, don't they serve that
in the cafe across the street?
340
00:14:56,952 --> 00:14:58,274
No!
341
00:14:58,327 --> 00:15:03,657
You cannot get the kebapi
at the cafe across the street!
342
00:15:03,709 --> 00:15:06,866
(yelling in foreign language,
pans clattering)
343
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:09,296
What?
What did I say?
344
00:15:09,331 --> 00:15:11,919
Across the street is Albanian.
345
00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:15,919
This cafe, Macedonian.
346
00:15:17,396 --> 00:15:19,513
Macedonian.
347
00:15:25,347 --> 00:15:26,619
My friends,
348
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:31,182
I like to apologize
for the behavior of my passion.
349
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,932
I just feel bad in my brain
for people to think
350
00:15:35,123 --> 00:15:39,109
that your mouths
will have been raped by the food
351
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:43,246
that they serving at
this Albanian mother of bitches.
352
00:15:43,740 --> 00:15:47,751
This mother bitches, sons
of my bitch across the street,
353
00:15:47,787 --> 00:15:51,129
What they be serving is ?evapi.
354
00:15:53,008 --> 00:15:55,259
And-- And what do
you serve here?
355
00:15:55,294 --> 00:15:57,732
- We serve the kebapi.
- Kebapi.
356
00:15:58,130 --> 00:15:59,763
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
357
00:15:59,799 --> 00:16:01,265
Kebapi.
358
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:05,385
- Kebapi.
- Ke...Ba...Pi.
359
00:16:05,471 --> 00:16:06,720
Kebapi.
360
00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:09,473
- Kebapi.
- No, look at mouth.
361
00:16:09,525 --> 00:16:11,108
- Ke...
- Ke...
362
00:16:11,143 --> 00:16:12,476
- Ba...
- Ba...
363
00:16:12,528 --> 00:16:13,861
- Pi.
- Pi.
364
00:16:13,946 --> 00:16:15,145
- Bapi.
- Bapi.
365
00:16:15,197 --> 00:16:16,146
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
366
00:16:16,232 --> 00:16:17,281
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
367
00:16:17,316 --> 00:16:18,160
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
368
00:16:18,212 --> 00:16:19,845
Now you know why
you're getting it.
369
00:16:20,319 --> 00:16:21,485
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
370
00:16:21,537 --> 00:16:22,736
- Kebapi.
- You got it.
371
00:16:22,822 --> 00:16:24,321
- You finally did it, perfect.
- Kebapi.
372
00:16:24,373 --> 00:16:28,209
What is the difference
between kebapi and ?evapi?
373
00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:31,328
But they don't know.
374
00:16:31,413 --> 00:16:32,996
No.
375
00:16:33,048 --> 00:16:34,665
I have to forgive them, right?
376
00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:37,168
It does seem they're nice,
Abud.
377
00:16:39,922 --> 00:16:42,673
For the bastard mother
bitches over there
378
00:16:43,009 --> 00:16:45,092
that are serving
the ?evapi...
379
00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:47,177
- Uh-huh.
- Put in the grilled meat,
380
00:16:47,229 --> 00:16:50,731
Salt, chopped red pepper,
diced onion,
381
00:16:50,816 --> 00:16:54,568
cream, kajmak, ajvar,
382
00:16:54,653 --> 00:16:56,854
then the cottage cheese.
383
00:16:56,906 --> 00:17:00,440
(laughs)
384
00:17:00,526 --> 00:17:01,909
So what-- what do you serve?
385
00:17:01,994 --> 00:17:04,695
We serve the kebapi.
386
00:17:04,747 --> 00:17:08,144
And we put in
the cottage cheese, the ajvar,
387
00:17:08,231 --> 00:17:11,201
the kajmak,
the cream, you know?
388
00:17:11,253 --> 00:17:13,036
Then it's the diced onions...
389
00:17:13,122 --> 00:17:14,371
It sounds exactly like--
390
00:17:14,456 --> 00:17:17,674
Chopped pepper,
and then grilled meat.
391
00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,259
Then the grilled meat.
392
00:17:20,596 --> 00:17:22,462
And then we stir it.
393
00:17:22,548 --> 00:17:24,515
And across the street,
they do--
394
00:17:24,550 --> 00:17:28,185
Those mother bitches
over there, they mix it!
395
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:30,220
The sons of mother,
396
00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:33,108
mother sons of liar, ay-yi-yi-yi!
397
00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:39,176
(speaking foreign language)
398
00:17:41,066 --> 00:17:42,897
I don't know
what that's supposed to mean.
399
00:17:43,214 --> 00:17:45,402
(continue shouting)
400
00:17:45,687 --> 00:17:47,495
- Oh, my God!
- I show you!
401
00:17:47,553 --> 00:17:48,635
I'm gonna show you!
402
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:50,680
We are here.
They are there.
403
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,377
We are here, they are there.
404
00:17:52,457 --> 00:17:55,319
Here, there, here,
there, here, there, here-- stop.
405
00:17:55,343 --> 00:17:57,880
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no.
406
00:17:58,063 --> 00:18:01,168
(folk music playing)
407
00:18:01,466 --> 00:18:05,153
- Good decision, my friends.
- Yes, yes, yes.
408
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,839
Now it is time for you to try
409
00:18:07,981 --> 00:18:09,755
the real good food,
410
00:18:10,050 --> 00:18:14,104
not what this son of my bitches
411
00:18:14,233 --> 00:18:16,496
serve across the street.
412
00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:19,656
- Um, McDonald's?
- Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
413
00:18:19,727 --> 00:18:22,608
Make sure to give us
the five stars on Yelp!
414
00:18:31,299 --> 00:18:32,266
Where is he?
415
00:18:33,084 --> 00:18:34,522
- Stanley.
- Huh?
416
00:18:36,388 --> 00:18:37,414
What's going on?
417
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,506
Oh, come on, I know
you've been cheating on me.
418
00:18:39,591 --> 00:18:40,924
You're being ridiculous.
419
00:18:41,009 --> 00:18:43,426
Andrea, enough is enough.
420
00:18:43,676 --> 00:18:45,752
I know you have been fucking
421
00:18:45,784 --> 00:18:47,826
a dog behind my back.
422
00:18:47,899 --> 00:18:48,985
What?
423
00:18:49,684 --> 00:18:51,601
A dog?
A dog?
424
00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:53,069
That is insane.
425
00:18:53,104 --> 00:18:56,421
Then why did I find this
in the laundry room, huh?
426
00:18:56,825 --> 00:18:58,992
(dog barks in the distance)
427
00:18:59,077 --> 00:19:01,661
Oh, my God,
he's here right now, isn't he?
428
00:19:01,746 --> 00:19:04,105
He's in my house right now!
429
00:19:04,181 --> 00:19:05,582
Wait, Stanley, no!
Wait!
430
00:19:05,617 --> 00:19:08,869
(growling)
431
00:19:08,955 --> 00:19:11,005
It was you!
432
00:19:11,256 --> 00:19:12,205
(screaming and struggling)
433
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:13,456
(gasps)
434
00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:15,041
You s-- Ow!
What ha--
435
00:19:15,126 --> 00:19:15,959
Aah!
(dog yipping)
436
00:19:16,011 --> 00:19:18,127
(growling)
437
00:19:18,213 --> 00:19:20,096
(exclaiming)
438
00:19:20,131 --> 00:19:22,348
Aah!
439
00:19:22,434 --> 00:19:25,768
(screaming)
440
00:19:25,804 --> 00:19:26,803
(dog growling)
441
00:19:26,855 --> 00:19:28,938
(grunting)
442
00:19:30,976 --> 00:19:32,075
(mouthing inaudibly)
Go.
443
00:19:37,637 --> 00:19:38,738
Come here.
444
00:19:51,351 --> 00:19:52,789
Oh.
445
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,793
I see.
446
00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:00,751
You...
447
00:20:02,321 --> 00:20:03,938
need to know...
448
00:20:05,574 --> 00:20:09,159
your dog ruined
a ten-year marriage.
449
00:20:09,347 --> 00:20:12,613
(dog whimpers)
450
00:20:14,185 --> 00:20:15,985
And you can go to hell.
451
00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:25,498
No, he's cute, he's cute.
I can see why you like him.
452
00:20:30,427 --> 00:20:31,951
Who was the first girl
you kissed?
453
00:20:32,037 --> 00:20:34,287
- You got to know that.
- First girl I kissed?
454
00:20:34,372 --> 00:20:36,001
I shouldn't ask names.
I just don't want to--
455
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,341
No, it was, it was, it was--
I was, like, five.
456
00:20:38,376 --> 00:20:41,761
She was six.
It was crazy.
457
00:20:41,846 --> 00:20:45,381
- Turbulent relationship?
- It was moving too fast.
458
00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:47,767
- I ended up with cooties.
- Oh, no.
459
00:20:47,852 --> 00:20:49,185
- It was terminal.
- Oh, boy.
460
00:20:49,220 --> 00:20:50,603
Still have it.
461
00:20:50,689 --> 00:20:53,097
I'm fighting
a sustained cooties infection.
462
00:20:53,159 --> 00:20:54,559
Infection, yeah.
463
00:20:54,590 --> 00:20:56,583
I'm gonna do
my one line here
464
00:20:56,629 --> 00:20:58,356
Oh, yeah!
465
00:20:58,404 --> 00:21:00,744
Sync & corrections by dwigt
addic7ed.com
466
00:21:01,187 --> 00:21:02,362
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
467
00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,314
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi!
468
00:21:03,314 --> 00:21:04,420
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
469
00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:05,577
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
470
00:21:05,577 --> 00:21:07,577
- Kebapi.
- As closer for you to do it.
471
00:21:07,577 --> 00:21:08,650
- (both) Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
472
00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:10,651
- Kerbati. It's kebapi.
- Kebapi.
473
00:21:10,651 --> 00:21:11,568
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
474
00:21:11,568 --> 00:21:13,123
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
475
00:21:14,508 --> 00:21:15,517
(both) Kebapi.
476
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:20,117
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