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1
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:11,828
- [Inhales]
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:11,911 --> 00:00:14,932
[Exhales]
3
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,210
- Hey, you know what?
4
00:00:16,616 --> 00:00:17,734
Let me hit that.
5
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,804
- Really?
- I can handle it.
6
00:00:21,242 --> 00:00:24,174
- I am certain
that you cannot.
7
00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,750
- Nah, come on, I smoked
a ton of weed in the '90s.
8
00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:29,212
- Right, the '90s.
9
00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:32,694
Um, you know, weed has gotten
a lot stronger since then.
10
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,452
- You honestly think
it's gotten so much stronger
11
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:36,753
that I just flat-out
can't handle it?
12
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:37,754
You think
I'm such a lightweight,
13
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:39,222
that if I take one puff...
14
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:40,824
- Keegan, you already
took a puff an hour ago.
15
00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,914
We've had the same conversation
15 times in a row.
16
00:00:46,646 --> 00:00:48,101
Yeah.
17
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:51,574
[Flicks lighter]
18
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:55,179
[Inhales]
19
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,910
- Hey, you know what?
Let me hit that.
20
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:00,937
- Really?
21
00:01:01,021 --> 00:01:03,980
[Soul music]
22
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:12,061
23
00:01:14,858 --> 00:01:16,559
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
24
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,448
[cheers and applause]
25
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:29,439
Thank you.
26
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:31,341
- Thank you so much
for coming out.
27
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,210
I am Keegan-Michael Key.
- I'm Jordan Peele.
28
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:34,945
- And we are Key and Peele.
- Yes, we are.
29
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:37,214
- So thank you for coming.
30
00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:38,682
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
31
00:01:38,765 --> 00:01:40,951
- We wanna talk about the ladies
for a second.
32
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:42,219
- We wanna talk about them
and to them.
33
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,721
- Hey.
- Hey!
34
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:45,664
[Laughter]
35
00:01:45,748 --> 00:01:48,692
Guys, have you ever just
woken up in trouble somehow?
36
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,963
Like, "How did I get in trouble
during an unconscious state?"
37
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,030
- You just walk...
sometimes, you'll just walk
38
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:55,499
into the kitchen
in the morning,
39
00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:56,700
just be like,
"Hey, what's going on?
40
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,398
You look nice."
- Yeah.
41
00:01:58,816 --> 00:02:00,101
What does that mean?
42
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,342
- You look nice, Meegan.
I'm saying you look nice.
43
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:08,195
- What,
was I fucking ugly yesterday?
44
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:11,048
- No, I'm saying
you look good today.
45
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,549
That's all I'm saying!
46
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:13,884
- So what am I gonna
look like tomorrow?
47
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,086
A monster?
- No... What? No.
48
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:18,388
I'm just saying you're probably
gonna look great tomorrow too.
49
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,369
- Probably?
What the hell is "probably"?
50
00:02:20,453 --> 00:02:21,925
- I don't...
51
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,094
- I mean, you're sure
I'm beautiful, or you're not.
52
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:26,563
- I am... I'm sure that
you're fucking beautiful.
53
00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:28,565
- You don't sound sure.
54
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,134
- I said "fucking." What more...
How more serious can I be?
55
00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:32,836
- Oh.
Oh, nice.
56
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,337
That's your answer
for everything, isn't it?
57
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:35,672
Isn't it? Sex?
- What?
58
00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:38,773
I didn't say anything
about sex!
59
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,804
- You didn't have to.
60
00:02:49,602 --> 00:02:52,522
[Jazz music]
61
00:02:52,605 --> 00:03:00,603
62
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,182
[clears throat]
63
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,105
- Oh, honey,
I am tired.
64
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,941
I am going to bed.
Good night.
65
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,611
- Uh, well...
66
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,635
[laughs]
67
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,932
- Is everything okay?
68
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,801
- Well, it's, uh...
69
00:03:20,885 --> 00:03:25,112
It's just
that I was hoping that...
70
00:03:25,869 --> 00:03:26,981
well, that we could...
71
00:03:27,065 --> 00:03:29,674
and I-I wanna make
this clear.
72
00:03:30,576 --> 00:03:33,129
I want to be straightforward.
73
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:36,233
I want to have...
74
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,634
- Okay.
Uh, Luther?
75
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:39,643
Are you available
to translate?
76
00:03:39,727 --> 00:03:40,690
- Yes, ma'am.
77
00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:42,604
[Clears throat]
78
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:46,604
- I really was hoping we could
spend some time together.
79
00:03:46,688 --> 00:03:48,887
- When was the last time
we had sex, woman?
80
00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:50,033
Reelection night?
81
00:03:50,117 --> 00:03:51,814
What does a brother
not named Bill Clinton
82
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,994
have to do to get some pussy
in this house?
83
00:03:54,212 --> 00:03:57,920
- Well, you have been
very busy lately.
84
00:03:58,004 --> 00:04:00,174
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
You know what?
85
00:04:00,691 --> 00:04:02,925
If I could j...
Can we get your translator?
86
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,500
- Oh, yes, certainly.
Uh, Katendra?
87
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:09,911
- Yeah, honey?
88
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:11,334
- Could you please translate
89
00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,073
"well, you have been
very busy lately"?
90
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:15,338
- Sure.
91
00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:17,607
My pussy ain't
one of your limousines
92
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,009
that you can jump
in and out of
93
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,715
whenever you feel like.
94
00:04:20,799 --> 00:04:22,779
I don't see you all day,
95
00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,565
then you want
a booty call?
96
00:04:24,993 --> 00:04:27,666
I need an emotional connection,
nigga.
97
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,320
- Thought this was romantic.
98
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:33,390
- I'm fucking trying, bitch!
Can't you see?
99
00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:35,058
I'm playing
the romantic music.
100
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,830
I got the Pinot
in the glasses.
101
00:04:36,914 --> 00:04:38,460
What more do you want
from me?
102
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:40,994
An engraved invitation
from my nuts?
103
00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:43,900
- Maybe we should make
a date.
104
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:45,168
- What am I supposed
to do,
105
00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:46,670
jump out of my clothes
every time
106
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,721
little Barry stands
at attention?
107
00:04:48,815 --> 00:04:51,518
You ain't my commander in chief,
motherfucker,
108
00:04:51,602 --> 00:04:54,576
and my vagina ain't some cave
in the Middle East
109
00:04:54,660 --> 00:04:56,746
you can fly
your heat-seeking missile into
110
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,580
whenever you feel like it.
111
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:02,152
- Well, I did mean
to call you,
112
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,321
but I had meetings
all day long.
113
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:07,385
- I'm dealing with
these motherfucking Republicans,
114
00:05:07,469 --> 00:05:09,492
hearing "no, no, no"
all day long.
115
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,328
Then I come home,
and you're not gonna let me
116
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,163
get my jam on
up in here?
117
00:05:13,526 --> 00:05:17,127
- Well, you know,
I have had a busy day too.
118
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,190
- You act like I ain't got
nothing else to do, nigga.
119
00:05:20,274 --> 00:05:24,323
I got these obese motherfuckers
on my ass 24/7.
120
00:05:24,573 --> 00:05:27,307
What's more important...
you getting your wick dipped
121
00:05:27,391 --> 00:05:30,978
or some eight-year-old fat-ass
collapsing in his bunk bed?
122
00:05:31,096 --> 00:05:32,143
- Okay.
123
00:05:32,227 --> 00:05:34,674
- You seem to be forgetting
job number one.
124
00:05:34,758 --> 00:05:37,278
You are my secretary
of pussy, bitch!
125
00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:39,073
Get to work!
126
00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:41,088
- You.
[Chuckles]
127
00:05:48,318 --> 00:05:52,035
[Moaning]
128
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:54,604
- Luther? Katendra?
- Yes, sir.
129
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:55,972
- We'll... we'll take it
from here.
130
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,540
- Absolutely, yes, sir.
- Yes, ma'am.
131
00:05:57,623 --> 00:05:59,568
- Thank you.
- Good night. Good night, ma'am.
132
00:05:59,652 --> 00:06:01,171
- [Laughs]
133
00:06:01,592 --> 00:06:03,613
- Come here.
- [Chuckles]
134
00:06:03,873 --> 00:06:05,782
Oh, this feels good.
135
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,717
- Um, Mom? Dad?
136
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,789
I know you already said
that I can't go,
137
00:06:09,873 --> 00:06:11,788
but can I please go
to the party tonight?
138
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,990
- Malia, use your translator.
139
00:06:15,702 --> 00:06:17,388
- If you don't let me go
to this party,
140
00:06:17,472 --> 00:06:19,240
I will get a tattoo
141
00:06:19,420 --> 00:06:20,803
on my face.
142
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,029
- Have fun.
143
00:06:24,194 --> 00:06:26,046
[Soul music]
144
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:29,105
- The Second Amendment
of the Constitution states
145
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:32,242
that a well-regulated militia,
being necessary
146
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:33,943
for the security
of a free state,
147
00:06:34,334 --> 00:06:37,113
the right of the people
to keep and bear arms
148
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:38,717
shall not be infringed.
149
00:06:38,801 --> 00:06:40,286
- Hear, hear.
- Yes.
150
00:06:40,370 --> 00:06:43,190
- Please, gentlemen,
we need all of your signatures.
151
00:06:43,274 --> 00:06:45,226
- Gentlemen.
152
00:06:45,310 --> 00:06:48,130
A point of order.
153
00:06:48,214 --> 00:06:51,401
What if someone
made a gun
154
00:06:51,485 --> 00:06:53,162
that could shoot, say,
155
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:56,375
50 people in 30 seconds?
156
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,768
[Laughter]
157
00:06:58,851 --> 00:07:02,164
- Congressman Peele, we have
many orders of business today,
158
00:07:02,248 --> 00:07:05,408
one of which is not judging
your sense of humor,
159
00:07:05,491 --> 00:07:06,711
prodigious as it may be.
160
00:07:06,795 --> 00:07:09,379
[Laughter]
161
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,123
- Then one man
162
00:07:12,037 --> 00:07:14,417
would be able to walk
into a crowded area
163
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:17,620
and kill scores upon scores
of people
164
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:21,084
before anyone would have
a chance to stop him.
165
00:07:23,513 --> 00:07:24,728
- Congressman Peele,
166
00:07:25,209 --> 00:07:28,092
where are you getting
these harebrained ideas?
167
00:07:28,404 --> 00:07:32,936
How could you possibly know
what the future holds?
168
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:36,639
[Dramatic music]
169
00:07:36,722 --> 00:07:40,609
- Because I am
from the future.
170
00:07:40,693 --> 00:07:42,379
I know what this amendment
will bring,
171
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,076
and I cannot let
any of you sign it.
172
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,154
[Gunfire]
[Screaming]
173
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:59,235
174
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:17,580
[sighs]
175
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:18,980
I did it.
176
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:23,286
- Did you see the...
the muskets he had?
177
00:08:23,933 --> 00:08:25,334
- Magnificent.
178
00:08:25,418 --> 00:08:28,105
Hand me the quill, so I can
draw them before I forget.
179
00:08:33,746 --> 00:08:35,551
- Damn it.
180
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:41,604
- Um, any basketball fans
in the house tonight?
181
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,006
[Cheers and applause]
182
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,607
This is Los Angeles,
home of the Lakers,
183
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:46,042
home of the Clippers.
184
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:48,478
- Basketball is mesmerizing
to us
185
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,947
because it... besides...
except for soldiers,
186
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,558
athletes are like
the toughest dudes we have.
187
00:08:52,642 --> 00:08:53,560
- Exactly.
- Right?
188
00:08:53,644 --> 00:08:54,484
They're just big, tough,
189
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,803
you know, masculine,
physical dudes.
190
00:08:56,887 --> 00:08:58,418
Why they always
be flopping?
191
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,560
- You'll see dudes not anywhere
near another guy flopping.
192
00:09:01,644 --> 00:09:03,076
- Yeah.
- You'll see a dude coming down.
193
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,327
My man's like
pop, pop, pop, pop.
194
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,562
He's coming down the court.
He's like...
195
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:06,696
- Dude over here,
blocking him.
196
00:09:06,779 --> 00:09:08,565
- [Mutters]
197
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:11,067
- Oh, see, now...
- Come on... come on, man.
198
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,902
- This dude.
Oh.
199
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:14,535
- Me?
200
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,807
[Screams]
201
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:19,476
Me?
202
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,691
Oh, no, but no.
But, ref, but how?
203
00:09:23,222 --> 00:09:25,915
That's against physics, y'all.
That's against physics.
204
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,550
- This dude's getting
a free throw shot.
205
00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:29,686
I'm gonna take my foul shot
right here.
206
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,221
- Ooh.
- No. No.
207
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,933
I didn't do nothing.
- Oh, no!
208
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:37,623
- Still scoreless with
only a few moments remaining.
209
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:40,330
Travino passes to Federnoir.
210
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,998
Slide tackle by Gozurp.
211
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,248
Clearly a flop there.
No contact made.
212
00:09:44,332 --> 00:09:46,903
[Operatic music]
213
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:49,572
214
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:51,074
[whistle blows]
215
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:59,155
216
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:36,166
[heart beating]
217
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:57,774
[Heart stops beating]
218
00:10:57,857 --> 00:11:05,855
219
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:22,599
[cheers and applause]
220
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:30,680
221
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:45,154
It all comes down to this
as the Power Falcons
222
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:46,889
prepare to take the free kick.
223
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,791
This is the last chance
to win the game.
224
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:50,827
These are the dying seconds
of the match.
225
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:58,908
226
00:12:06,002 --> 00:12:08,885
And what is this?
Can you believe it?
227
00:12:08,969 --> 00:12:10,646
Federnoir is back
on the pitch.
228
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,849
He's alive,
and he's taking the free kick.
229
00:12:12,932 --> 00:12:17,043
He shoots. He scores.
Oh, my!
230
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:20,465
So many rules clearly broken
leading up to that goal,
231
00:12:20,549 --> 00:12:22,158
but they've allowed it.
232
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:25,729
Power Falcons win
this match!
233
00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:31,401
[Soul music]
234
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,835
- You ever at a party,
235
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:34,337
and people are just having
a conversation
236
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:36,386
that's just impossible
to break into?
237
00:12:36,558 --> 00:12:38,241
- Yes, yeah, yeah, yes.
238
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:40,877
- Sometimes breaking into
a conversation, it's difficult,
239
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,913
like getting into a double Dutch
jump rope session.
240
00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:45,081
- Yeah, exactly.
- You know what I mean?
241
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:46,749
You gotta pick the right spot.
242
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:48,518
- Or people will look
at you weird, just like...
243
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,286
I think
the Oakland Raiders
244
00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,055
Might be good this year
245
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:55,091
This might be the year,
they got a new dude
246
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:56,592
He's playing quarterback
247
00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,561
And he's the one
that I think
248
00:12:58,644 --> 00:13:00,229
Could bring them back
- We'll wait for it.
249
00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:03,199
-
We are the team to beat
in the AFC
250
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:06,153
Forget San Diego,
the Chargers are the worst
251
00:13:06,237 --> 00:13:08,204
-
I don't watch football
I don't watch football
252
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:10,306
I am more
of a basketball...
253
00:13:10,389 --> 00:13:11,941
Oh, my God.
Oh!
254
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:16,245
[Groans]
255
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:20,287
[All moaning]
256
00:13:22,574 --> 00:13:24,454
Oh!
[Laughs]
257
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:25,822
Hi.
258
00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,424
I wasn't expecting to see you
259
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:30,975
all undulating up here.
260
00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:33,796
I-I just put my jacket
on the bed
261
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:35,431
when I first came
to the party,
262
00:13:35,514 --> 00:13:37,734
but I didn't realize
that the party
263
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,168
made its way up here.
264
00:13:39,251 --> 00:13:40,470
But I'll get that now.
265
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,090
I will, if you...
266
00:13:42,174 --> 00:13:45,273
Carol, I don't know
if you're in there somewhere,
267
00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:47,009
but wherever you are,
268
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:48,511
thank you
for the invitation.
269
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:49,812
I really enjoyed myself.
270
00:13:49,895 --> 00:13:51,447
I'll see you
at work tomorrow.
271
00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:53,616
Okay, hey, sir,
I think I see my jacket.
272
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:56,018
I think... I think your arm
is in the sleeve, actually.
273
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:58,955
I'll grab... That's not my jacket,
and that's not your arm.
274
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:01,524
It's not your arm.
White people are crazy.
275
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:04,654
White people are crazy.
Just looking for a jacket.
276
00:14:04,738 --> 00:14:07,129
Sir, okay, yes,
very nice mustache.
277
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:08,798
I've never seen one
above the nose.
278
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:11,000
That's interesting.
That's not your nose.
279
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,969
Okay.
Sorry to disturb you, sir.
280
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,615
Just looking
for a jacket,
281
00:14:14,699 --> 00:14:16,472
just an ordinary man
looking for a jacket.
282
00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:18,076
You wanna say something
to me, sir?
283
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:19,041
Are you try...
Oh, wait a minute.
284
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:21,477
Mm-mm.
No, thank you very much, sir.
285
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,347
It tasted a little bit like
salty butthole, but that's okay.
286
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,883
It's tweed,
the jacket I'm talking about,
287
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,451
and it's got leather patches
on it.
288
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,119
Just...
Oh, maybe this is it.
289
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,388
Thank you, found it, and...
Nope, that's not it,
290
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:33,823
but congratulations, ma'am.
291
00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:36,842
You are doing great
with what God gave you.
292
00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:38,995
Nope, don't look at me
in the eyes, ma'am.
293
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:40,983
I don't want you
to steal my soul.
294
00:14:41,067 --> 00:14:42,865
Hi, ladies.
Very nice to meet you.
295
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,467
And, sir,
yes, I do see you too.
296
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,678
Okay, yes.
White people are crazy.
297
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,311
Oh, no, I'm... I'm okay.
I really am.
298
00:14:50,395 --> 00:14:53,176
I'm already seeing
a-a group of people,
299
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:54,577
and we're taking it slowly.
300
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:57,053
We are taking it slowly.
It's a church.
301
00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:58,681
Maybe some of y'all
would be interested
302
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:00,059
in looking into that.
303
00:15:00,143 --> 00:15:02,885
Not mine,
but one somewhere, if that's...
304
00:15:02,968 --> 00:15:04,720
Okay, thank you,
ma'am, for...
305
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:06,155
There it is.
I found it.
306
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,857
Found the jacket.
It's right here.
307
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:09,225
I'ma pull it,
and I believe
308
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,994
it might be lost somewhere
within you.
309
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,362
I'm just guessing
because that
310
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:16,498
is just a little bit
of resistance.
311
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:17,867
All right, there we go.
312
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:20,735
And you know what?
That is going to be yours.
313
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:22,772
Keep it, thank you.
Cover yourself up.
314
00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:25,441
Carol, if you're in there, I'll
see you at the office tomorrow.
315
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,710
Just bring the bowl.
You can finish the egg salad.
316
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,731
My God,
white people crazy.
317
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:34,884
[Upbeat music]
318
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,176
- Welcome
to Metta World News.
319
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,442
I wish
320
00:15:44,098 --> 00:15:46,701
there was a genie
in here.
321
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:51,534
Well, that wraps up
Metta World News
322
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,903
for this Wednesday,
March hybrid ice rink.
323
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:56,572
I'm Metta World Peace.
Good night.
324
00:15:57,186 --> 00:15:58,346
Hey, Jim, where's that genie?
325
00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:01,863
[Soul music]
326
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:03,946
- The spoiler alert
started in a...
327
00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:05,748
you know, pretty...
you know, not long ago.
328
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:06,916
But now everybody's talking
about spoiler alerts
329
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:07,917
all the time.
330
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,186
We hate spoiler alerts,
331
00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:11,454
and the thing is
do not tell me
332
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:14,056
that you're not gonna ruin
the movie for me.
333
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,925
By you saying
"I'm not gonna ruin it,"
334
00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:17,460
you're already ruining it.
335
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:18,494
I know something special's
gonna happen.
336
00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:19,996
- I know there's a twist.
337
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,387
I know there's a twist,
so just shut your mouth,
338
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,433
say, "Yeah, movie was good,
339
00:16:24,516 --> 00:16:26,528
pretty straightforward
beginning to end."
340
00:16:27,129 --> 00:16:28,571
- And I've been guilty of it
'cause, you know,
341
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:29,963
I'm the one...
I'm the person who'll be like,
342
00:16:30,047 --> 00:16:31,365
"Have you seen...
Did you see"...
343
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,943
- No, don't.
Dude, don't do it.
344
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:35,912
See, now I know something's up.
345
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,080
- It's not... but listen, I just
wanna tell you this one thing.
346
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,639
It's... I swear,
it's not gonna ruin the movie.
347
00:16:40,723 --> 00:16:42,272
- 'Cause now
I'm already thinking
348
00:16:42,356 --> 00:16:43,920
what could possibly happen
with this.
349
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,815
- It's not... Okay, listen, I'm...
All right.
350
00:16:45,899 --> 00:16:47,452
You know what?
No, it's good.
351
00:16:47,535 --> 00:16:50,473
It's... I'm just...
- No, no, okay.
352
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,263
All right, just... If you can
promise you're going to tell me
353
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,665
something that won't
give anything away...
354
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:57,099
- Yes, this is...
It's not...
355
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,754
This is not integral
to the story, okay?
356
00:16:59,917 --> 00:17:01,536
Bruce Willis is a ghost.
- Fuck you.
357
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:05,223
[Laughter and applause]
358
00:17:09,294 --> 00:17:10,322
- Johnny.
359
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:12,634
Okay, Carter.
360
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:15,275
I can stay here all night.
361
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:18,384
So why don't
you and I cut the crap,
362
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:22,267
and you tell me what happened
on March 15th?
363
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,628
- And what's in it
for Carter Finley?
364
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,862
- What's in it for you
365
00:17:26,945 --> 00:17:28,898
is I don't send you back
to jail.
366
00:17:28,981 --> 00:17:31,901
[Dramatic music]
367
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:36,238
368
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,474
- [sighs]
369
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,309
The guy's name
is Cat Branchman.
370
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,981
I met him downtown at a club
called The Clutching Kitten.
371
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,482
You may have heard of it.
372
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:50,486
It's down on the corner
of Hang and Fur Street.
373
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,002
- Cat Branchman.
374
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:55,891
So what's a guy
like you
375
00:17:56,154 --> 00:17:58,978
and a guy named Cat...
376
00:18:06,390 --> 00:18:08,643
[sighs]
377
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:09,828
Okay.
378
00:18:10,355 --> 00:18:12,108
I know what you're doing,
Finley.
379
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:14,221
You're just using what you see
in my poster.
380
00:18:14,305 --> 00:18:16,345
- I'm not, detective.
381
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:17,913
I'm telling the truth.
382
00:18:17,996 --> 00:18:19,348
- We'll see how much truth
you tell
383
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,135
after a few weeks
in solitary confine...
384
00:18:21,219 --> 00:18:22,618
- Fine, detective.
385
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:25,805
You've twisted my arm.
- That's better.
386
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:28,624
- The guy's name wasn't
Cat Branchman.
387
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:30,149
- Thank you.
388
00:18:30,233 --> 00:18:33,768
- It was a Chinese guy
named Mr. Meow.
389
00:18:33,852 --> 00:18:37,258
- Oh, my God.
- He's the real gang boss.
390
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,136
Story went he hung guys
from trees
391
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:42,405
and took pictures of them.
- Finley.
392
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,140
- Used to run a club downtown...
393
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:47,830
a front, of course...
called it The Paw and Poster.
394
00:18:47,914 --> 00:18:48,744
- Finley.
395
00:18:48,827 --> 00:18:53,117
- Ran it with a guy
named Hong In Thar.
396
00:18:53,438 --> 00:18:54,367
- Okay.
397
00:18:56,633 --> 00:18:58,508
Let's try this
one more time.
398
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,271
Finley, who do you work for?
399
00:19:06,573 --> 00:19:08,358
- Um...
400
00:19:09,143 --> 00:19:10,195
Coffee.
401
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,967
Mr. Coffee Coop.
402
00:19:13,404 --> 00:19:15,738
- You... Coffee Coop?
403
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:20,176
- His name was
Baldy Tall Man Coffee Coop.
404
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:22,111
- [Sighs] Now you're just
talking about me.
405
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:25,084
Finley, I'm gonna give you
one more chance.
406
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:28,138
Who is in charge?
407
00:19:28,482 --> 00:19:31,320
- His name was
Angry Man.
408
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,673
- [Sighs]
409
00:19:32,757 --> 00:19:34,375
- The warehouse is located
410
00:19:34,459 --> 00:19:39,427
in the diploma
for being a detective.
411
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,388
- I want a name.
- Justin.
412
00:19:41,472 --> 00:19:42,723
- Thank you.
413
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:45,267
- Hangtree...
- Don't say "hang."
414
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,435
God damn it,
do not say "hang."
415
00:19:48,387 --> 00:19:49,505
- Hang...
- Nope.
416
00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:52,475
- Hangman Justin Cats...
- Finley.
417
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:53,476
- Poster.
418
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:56,857
- Do not say "poster" or "cat."
419
00:19:58,230 --> 00:19:59,949
- Cat poster.
- Okay, that's it.
420
00:20:00,178 --> 00:20:02,151
I'm losing my patience.
421
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:04,653
Winslow, get this moron
out of here.
422
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:06,076
- I...
423
00:20:10,576 --> 00:20:13,496
[dramatic music]
424
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:16,632
425
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:20,205
- I'm losing my patience.
426
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,174
Let's try this
one more time.
427
00:20:25,306 --> 00:20:27,158
I'm getting too old
for this shit.
428
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:34,585
- Well played, detective.
429
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,687
Well played, indeed.
430
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,546
- Hey, Carter.
431
00:20:40,939 --> 00:20:42,663
You hang in there.
432
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,395
[Cheers and applause]
433
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:50,249
Thank you so much for coming out
tonight, everybody.
434
00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:52,535
Thank you.
Good night.
435
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:55,476
No, no.
No.
436
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,505
What, me?
437
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:00,643
-
I'm gonna do
my one line here
438
00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:02,718
- Oh, yeah.
439
00:21:04,447 --> 00:21:05,894
- Whenever I stayed home
from school,
440
00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:07,340
I'd always get caught
just doing
441
00:21:07,424 --> 00:21:08,568
some stupid shit in my room.
442
00:21:08,650 --> 00:21:10,180
And she'd come home early.
443
00:21:10,264 --> 00:21:11,449
- Oh, so we're feeling better?
444
00:21:11,533 --> 00:21:13,144
- Oh, Mom, shit!
I'm naked!
445
00:21:13,228 --> 00:21:14,207
What?
446
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,818
- I thought you said
you were sick
447
00:21:15,902 --> 00:21:16,887
when I left this morning
to go to work.
448
00:21:16,971 --> 00:21:19,570
- I am sick in the head.
Ripped By mstoll
449
00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:20,617
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
450
00:21:20,667 --> 00:21:25,217
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