Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:02,867
The one who plays Jamie
is not English.
2
00:00:02,950 --> 00:00:03,581
He's not.
3
00:00:03,664 --> 00:00:05,805
I don't know what nationality he is,
but he's definitely not English.
4
00:00:05,888 --> 00:00:06,688
That's amazing.
5
00:00:07,003 --> 00:00:07,841
Whoa!
6
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:11,181
Come on, Max, no.
Bad dog, bad.
7
00:00:11,265 --> 00:00:14,955
I'm so sorry.
I just rescued him from a shelter.
8
00:00:15,914 --> 00:00:18,089
He seems to get really aggressive
towards people
9
00:00:18,172 --> 00:00:20,289
with darker-colored skin.
I'm so sorry.
10
00:00:21,642 --> 00:00:22,720
Don't worry about it.
11
00:00:22,804 --> 00:00:24,490
Yeah, I guess you never know
what they've been through
12
00:00:24,573 --> 00:00:25,552
before you get them.
13
00:00:25,635 --> 00:00:27,689
Yeah, we don't think
that your dog's racist.
14
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:07,485
Sync & corrections: dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
15
00:01:07,569 --> 00:01:09,970
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
16
00:01:14,778 --> 00:01:15,844
Whoo!
17
00:01:17,315 --> 00:01:18,536
Welcome!
18
00:01:22,436 --> 00:01:25,657
Oh, my God. Thank you
so much for coming out.
19
00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:28,385
- I am Keegan-Michael Key.
- I am Jordan Peele.
20
00:01:28,468 --> 00:01:29,738
And we are Key and Peele.
21
00:01:29,821 --> 00:01:31,580
So thank you.
22
00:01:35,664 --> 00:01:36,978
Um...
23
00:01:37,685 --> 00:01:39,810
That... that, uh...
just if you were wondering,
24
00:01:39,893 --> 00:01:41,866
- That was a racist dog.
- Actual racist dog.
25
00:01:41,949 --> 00:01:43,036
The dog was actually racist.
26
00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:46,155
Came to the set
with its own [bleep] hood.
27
00:01:46,238 --> 00:01:48,841
Yes. He just...
he slipped right into it.
28
00:01:48,924 --> 00:01:51,393
- It was crazy.
- I wanted to say to that dog so bad
29
00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:53,094
like, "you know you have
brown spots on you?
30
00:01:53,177 --> 00:01:55,380
"You know that?
You know that?"
31
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,733
It was weird. He came...
He was Method, you know,
32
00:01:57,816 --> 00:02:00,028
He [bleep] pissed
on my leg immediately.
33
00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:01,603
I'm telling you...
34
00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:03,599
He thought I was trying
to steal his bone.
35
00:02:03,682 --> 00:02:04,317
Yeah, it was...
36
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,303
But it was... That Jack Russell
was actually the dog from The Artist.
37
00:02:07,386 --> 00:02:09,901
- Mm-hmm, that's right.
- So, he's the most famous racist dog.
38
00:02:09,984 --> 00:02:12,147
He's the Mel Gibson of dogs.
That's who he was.
39
00:02:12,230 --> 00:02:13,797
That's right. That's right.
40
00:02:18,033 --> 00:02:19,227
Do you guys
know dubstep music?
41
00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:21,027
Yeah.
42
00:02:22,052 --> 00:02:24,757
So dubstep music is...
Is it music?
43
00:02:24,844 --> 00:02:26,742
It's not quite mu...
I-I...
44
00:02:26,805 --> 00:02:28,132
When I introduced it to you,
45
00:02:28,195 --> 00:02:30,203
- Yeah.
- I-I thought it blew your mind.
46
00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:33,175
You did blow my mind, because
I thought I was listening to a song,
47
00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:36,177
And then an alien communiqu?
took place in the middle of the song.
48
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:38,252
If you don't know what dubstep is,
it's like this.
49
00:02:38,336 --> 00:02:40,342
It always... It starts off,
and it's like,
50
00:02:40,504 --> 00:02:44,195
ba na na na wha na na
na na na na
51
00:02:44,279 --> 00:02:48,000
And then a [bleep]...
a dubstep fan will always go,
52
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:49,949
"Dude, [bleep] wait for it."
53
00:02:54,017 --> 00:02:56,211
- You can't rap to dubstep.
- You can't. No, you can't.
54
00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:58,617
I'm the mother[bleep]
from the...
55
00:03:00,162 --> 00:03:01,496
Uh buh buh buh
56
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,189
I'm the mother[bleep]
on the street
57
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:11,462
So I have finished the kitchen.
58
00:03:11,615 --> 00:03:14,002
I have finished my bedroom.
I have finished the office.
59
00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:15,748
And I'm just wrapping up
the living room.
60
00:03:15,831 --> 00:03:16,823
- Okay.
- So yeah.
61
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,752
- I'll get pack-a-lackin'.
- I love it. I love it.
62
00:03:18,835 --> 00:03:20,853
- Mind if I put on some music?
- I do not. I do not.
63
00:03:20,936 --> 00:03:23,179
All right. I got this new dubstep.
64
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,472
Uh, dubste... What is that?
I don't know what that is.
65
00:03:25,865 --> 00:03:28,181
- Oh, dude, you're gonna love it.
- Oh, cool. Cool, man.
66
00:03:31,951 --> 00:03:33,178
Ooh, I like this.
67
00:03:33,261 --> 00:03:35,903
- Wait for the drop.
- I'm sorry, "the drop"?
68
00:03:45,757 --> 00:03:48,760
- What is happening?
- What?
69
00:03:48,843 --> 00:03:52,015
- What is this?
- I can't hear you!
70
00:03:54,049 --> 00:03:57,029
- What is that?
- The music?
71
00:03:57,309 --> 00:03:59,436
- I'm sorry, is that music?
- Oh, yeah.
72
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,247
Dude, that's the dubstep, man.
That's my jam.
73
00:04:02,435 --> 00:04:05,738
Well, it's... it's a little, uh,
loud and disorienting.
74
00:04:05,821 --> 00:04:08,086
And, you know, you're being
a little rough with my things.
75
00:04:08,169 --> 00:04:10,393
Rough with...?
Dude, your stuff is fine.
76
00:04:10,647 --> 00:04:14,062
- Why am I sweating so much?
- Because you're feelin' it.
77
00:04:14,146 --> 00:04:16,176
- Is that a good thing?
- Yes!
78
00:04:16,981 --> 00:04:19,296
Come on, man.
Just give it another shot.
79
00:04:19,577 --> 00:04:22,175
Okay. Okay.
I will.
80
00:04:44,705 --> 00:04:47,601
Whoa, dude!
You're totally jacking my flow up.
81
00:04:47,685 --> 00:04:49,996
Dude, your nose is bleeding,
and so is mine.
82
00:04:50,911 --> 00:04:52,397
Awesome.
83
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,347
It doesn't really seem
like music to me.
84
00:04:55,359 --> 00:04:58,470
Okay. Wow.
Wally getting a little bit old.
85
00:04:58,554 --> 00:04:59,999
No, don't do that.
Come on.
86
00:05:00,082 --> 00:05:02,006
No. Didn't realize that.
Okay.
87
00:05:02,111 --> 00:05:04,008
Um, yeah, what would you
rather listen to?
88
00:05:04,091 --> 00:05:06,353
I can hook you up with some
Hootie & The Blowfish, if that's your...
89
00:05:06,437 --> 00:05:07,756
- Oh, that's funny.
- Is that good?
90
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:08,857
Want some Color Me Badd?
91
00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:11,859
You know what? Go ahead.
I don't care. I see what you're doing.
92
00:05:11,943 --> 00:05:14,702
Go ahead and play it. I don't care.
Because I'm not that old.
93
00:05:14,894 --> 00:05:18,547
I can get into it, okay? Let's just
get this stuff packed. Play it!
94
00:05:51,955 --> 00:05:54,694
- I think I'm getting it!
- Yeah!
95
00:05:54,778 --> 00:05:58,302
Ha, ha!
96
00:05:59,661 --> 00:06:02,216
Free at last, free at last,
97
00:06:02,299 --> 00:06:05,482
thank God Almighty,
we are free at last.
98
00:06:14,061 --> 00:06:16,613
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome your next speaker,
99
00:06:16,696 --> 00:06:19,855
the Reverend Robert Jones.
100
00:06:26,017 --> 00:06:27,785
How am I s'posed to follow that?
101
00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:30,372
I can't.
Nobody can follow that.
102
00:06:30,455 --> 00:06:32,074
How am I s...
103
00:06:32,407 --> 00:06:33,866
I can, uh...
104
00:06:34,585 --> 00:06:35,653
Oh.
105
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,134
All right.
106
00:06:39,008 --> 00:06:41,032
Good afternoon.
Um...
107
00:06:42,472 --> 00:06:43,763
That... that is the...
108
00:06:43,846 --> 00:06:47,048
The best speech I've ever heard
in my entire life.
109
00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:51,621
Ever.
I have never heard a better speech.
110
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:55,361
And now,
it is my turn to speak.
111
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:58,378
Huh.
112
00:07:00,274 --> 00:07:02,175
Who put this running order
together, right?
113
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:05,984
You know, um,
Dr. King, uh,
114
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:09,150
he... he actually covered a lot...
a lot of what I was gonna say.
115
00:07:09,233 --> 00:07:12,625
Um, you know, my...
my speech is, uh, uh...
116
00:07:12,747 --> 00:07:14,114
You gonna
find this funny, y'all.
117
00:07:14,198 --> 00:07:17,956
My speech was actually called, uh,
"A Vision for the Future."
118
00:07:18,191 --> 00:07:20,756
I'm not saying that Dr. King
copied my speech.
119
00:07:20,928 --> 00:07:22,090
I'm...
120
00:07:22,173 --> 00:07:25,399
No! No! No, I'm... I'm...
I'm saying I'm not saying that.
121
00:07:25,482 --> 00:07:27,473
I'm not saying
he tried to copy it.
122
00:07:27,556 --> 00:07:29,706
You... Why don't y'all listen
to what I'm s...
123
00:07:29,864 --> 00:07:31,695
Wow. You know what?
124
00:07:31,778 --> 00:07:32,773
No, come on!
125
00:07:32,856 --> 00:07:37,044
I'm just saying. I'm just saying.
I'm just saying. It's a joke.
126
00:07:37,128 --> 00:07:39,175
Did I not say it
like a joke?
127
00:07:39,657 --> 00:07:40,647
Ok...
128
00:07:42,188 --> 00:07:43,448
No?
129
00:07:44,668 --> 00:07:46,102
Apparently,
I have six more minutes.
130
00:07:52,980 --> 00:07:55,644
Hi, everybody, I'm Dave Stassen
alongside Geoff Worthing.
131
00:07:55,727 --> 00:07:57,991
And welcome to the annual
East/West bowl,
132
00:07:58,074 --> 00:08:01,195
as we get ready to watch some of
the best college players in the nation
133
00:08:01,278 --> 00:08:04,665
Showcase their skills
in a classic showdown
134
00:08:04,748 --> 00:08:06,606
between East and West.
135
00:08:06,761 --> 00:08:08,547
And there really
are some characters
136
00:08:08,630 --> 00:08:10,364
on this year's squads,
aren't there, Geoff?
137
00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:11,957
That's right, Dave.
It does seem
138
00:08:12,048 --> 00:08:14,424
like the most
flamboyant personalities
139
00:08:14,508 --> 00:08:16,927
came to the forefront,
and they are here.
140
00:08:17,010 --> 00:08:19,066
Let's meet the players
from the East.
141
00:08:24,245 --> 00:08:26,808
D'Marcus Williums,
University of Georgia.
142
00:08:27,283 --> 00:08:29,613
T.J. Juckson,
Wayne State University.
143
00:08:30,064 --> 00:08:32,511
T'Variusness King,
Merrimack College.
144
00:08:32,906 --> 00:08:36,683
Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace,
University of Miami.
145
00:08:37,138 --> 00:08:40,457
D'Squarius Green, Jr.,
University of Notre-Dame.
146
00:08:41,014 --> 00:08:44,986
Ibrahim Moizoos, University
of Tennessee at Chattanooga
147
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,074
Jackmerius Tacktheritrix,
Michigan State University.
148
00:08:49,567 --> 00:08:53,198
D'Isiah T. Billings-Clyde,
Coastal Carolina University.
149
00:08:53,715 --> 00:08:56,016
D'Jathper Probincrux the Third,
150
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:58,805
Thouth Carolina Thtate
Univerthity.
151
00:08:59,326 --> 00:09:01,933
Leoz Maxwell Jilliumz,
152
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,747
East Carolina University.
153
00:09:04,450 --> 00:09:06,777
Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar,
154
00:09:07,157 --> 00:09:08,891
University of Middle Tennessee.
155
00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:11,199
Davoin Shower-Handel,
156
00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:14,024
University of Southern Mississippi.
157
00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:16,871
Hingle McCringleberry,
Penn State University.
158
00:09:17,428 --> 00:09:19,949
L'Carpetron Dookmarriot,
159
00:09:20,322 --> 00:09:22,198
Florida Atlantic University.
160
00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:26,808
J'Dinkalage Morgoone,
University of South Florida.
161
00:09:26,892 --> 00:09:29,418
Xmus Jaxon Flaxon-Waxon,
162
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,716
California University
of Pennsylvania.
163
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,698
We're going to be looking
for big plays all game long
164
00:09:36,781 --> 00:09:39,084
from Tyroil Smoochie-Wallace.
165
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:40,930
And let's not forget
the tight ends,
166
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:44,366
Ibrahim Moizoos
and Hingle McCringleberry.
167
00:09:44,449 --> 00:09:46,958
- They've both had amazing seasons.
- That's right, Geoff.
168
00:09:47,041 --> 00:09:48,675
Now let's meet the players
from the west.
169
00:09:53,959 --> 00:09:57,731
Saggitariutt Jefferspin,
Texas A & M.
170
00:09:58,246 --> 00:10:01,415
D'Glester Hardunkichud,
University of Wisconsin.
171
00:10:02,067 --> 00:10:05,514
Swirvithan L'Goodling-Splatt,
Saskatchewan University.
172
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:09,141
Quatro Quatro,
San Jose State University.
173
00:10:09,964 --> 00:10:13,872
Ozamataz Buckshank,
Stanford University.
174
00:10:14,696 --> 00:10:17,727
Beezer Twelve Washingbeard,
Jones College.
175
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,533
Shakiraquan T.G.I.F. Carter,
176
00:10:20,803 --> 00:10:22,604
University of Northern Arizona.
177
00:10:23,088 --> 00:10:25,524
X-wing @aliciousness,
178
00:10:25,607 --> 00:10:28,008
Missouri Western
State University.
179
00:10:28,355 --> 00:10:31,837
Sequester Grundelplith, M.D.,
Adams State.
180
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:34,232
Scoish Velociraptor Maloish,
181
00:10:34,315 --> 00:10:36,032
South Dakota State University.
182
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:40,230
T.J. A.J. R.J.
Backslashinfourth the Fifth,
183
00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:41,923
Albion College.
184
00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:47,745
San Diego State University.
185
00:10:48,286 --> 00:10:51,343
Donkey Teeth,
Boise State University.
186
00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:53,012
Torque...
187
00:10:55,626 --> 00:10:57,910
Lewith,
Nevada State...
188
00:10:58,718 --> 00:10:59,806
Penitentiary.
189
00:11:00,269 --> 00:11:03,323
The player formerly known
as mousecop,
190
00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:06,518
University of Missouri,
Columbia.
191
00:11:07,199 --> 00:11:09,500
Dan Smith, B.Y.U.
192
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:19,723
There's nothing...
Hey... It... Here's the thing.
193
00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:22,164
- We had to do something...
- Yes, we had to.
194
00:11:22,247 --> 00:11:25,851
Because there's an offensive lineman
for the New York Jets...
195
00:11:25,990 --> 00:11:28,963
My man's name is...
D'brickashaw Ferguson.
196
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:32,330
That is his real name.
197
00:11:32,413 --> 00:11:34,192
His mama named him
D'Brickashaw Ferguson.
198
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,827
Someone asked her, "Where'd
his name come from, ma'am?"
199
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:39,877
And she said, "it's a family name."
Bitch, it ain't no family name.
200
00:11:39,965 --> 00:11:41,260
That is not a family name!
201
00:11:41,343 --> 00:11:44,485
We ain't talking about the "Ferguson."
We talkin' about "D'Brickashaw," bitch!
202
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:47,836
- Where you get that?
- D'Brickashaw.
203
00:11:48,145 --> 00:11:51,160
There's, like, three different nouns
in your son's first name.
204
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:52,777
- Come on!
- Come on, now.
205
00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:54,843
Just threw letters
in a bucket, and just went...
206
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,901
- Leodis McKelvin.
- Leodis McKelvin.
207
00:11:58,984 --> 00:12:01,309
What are we, in Middle Earth?
Who is this?
208
00:12:01,392 --> 00:12:03,765
I knew a girl... I knew... Well,
I didn't know... I didn't know her,
209
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,423
but I knew about a girl who
went to a school back home.
210
00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:10,106
My girl's name was spelled
L-hyphen-A. "La-dash-A."
211
00:12:10,189 --> 00:12:13,467
- Mm. Mm-mm, mm-mm,
mm-mm, mm-mm.
212
00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:18,143
Let's see here.
Red... Red hills of Georgia.
213
00:12:18,226 --> 00:12:20,027
He, uh, got that out there.
214
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:23,571
Okay, you know what?
215
00:12:23,654 --> 00:12:25,333
All right, here... Here's something...
Here's something new.
216
00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:26,952
Here's something brand new.
217
00:12:27,036 --> 00:12:29,188
How... Okay, this is off,
me talking off the top of my head
218
00:12:29,271 --> 00:12:30,795
here, everybody.
Uh, what...
219
00:12:30,878 --> 00:12:34,671
How about if we let, uh,
black people enslave
220
00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:35,921
white people for...
221
00:12:36,004 --> 00:12:38,863
Okay, you know, that sounded a lot
better in my head before I said it.
222
00:12:38,946 --> 00:12:41,888
So that, uh, that wouldn't work.
223
00:12:42,592 --> 00:12:46,212
Is it warm?
Is anybody else warm?
224
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:48,682
Whoo!
225
00:12:53,423 --> 00:12:55,809
I, uh, I vacuumed
my carpet the other day.
226
00:12:55,923 --> 00:12:58,610
A [bleep] ounce of weed came out
of this mother[bleep].
227
00:12:59,189 --> 00:13:01,982
I have gotten high
walking into your home.
228
00:13:02,065 --> 00:13:03,623
- Yes.
- Simply on the...
229
00:13:03,706 --> 00:13:06,860
I just... I walk into his apartment.
I go straight to the refrigerator.
230
00:13:06,943 --> 00:13:08,145
- I just...
- That's right.
231
00:13:09,306 --> 00:13:11,274
Nah, nah, we're just kidding.
Just kidding. We didnt...
232
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,397
Just kidding... I didn't
vacuum my apartment at all.
233
00:13:16,324 --> 00:13:18,087
Wouldn't do it.
Would never do that.
234
00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:20,499
Would never waste
that kind of good product...
235
00:13:21,112 --> 00:13:22,380
On the floor. I could just be...
236
00:13:22,463 --> 00:13:25,467
You have saved a lot of money not
buying vacuum cleaners in your life.
237
00:13:25,550 --> 00:13:28,178
I'll just be sitting, watching T.V,
talking about, "Yeah, yeah."
238
00:13:28,262 --> 00:13:29,874
- [laughs]
239
00:13:33,916 --> 00:13:36,883
Carpet.
That [bleep]'s just carpet.
240
00:13:40,966 --> 00:13:44,940
- This weed is mad tight, yo.
- Yeah, man, I'm super high, Dog.
241
00:13:45,106 --> 00:13:46,699
Ah.
242
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:49,666
Hey, yo.
243
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,397
Let me "ax" you a question
on the real.
244
00:13:53,134 --> 00:13:55,102
Yeah, yeah, Dog.
Yeah, go ahead, man.
245
00:13:57,843 --> 00:14:00,211
Hey, man,
where my dookie go?
246
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:07,117
Oh.
247
00:14:08,353 --> 00:14:10,483
- What?
- My dookie.
248
00:14:11,302 --> 00:14:12,660
Where do it go?
249
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,994
It go down in the toilet,
[bleep], you know that.
250
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:18,022
Nah, man. I ain't stupid.
251
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:21,039
Where do it go after that?
252
00:14:21,129 --> 00:14:22,670
Come on, man, quit playing.
I don't know.
253
00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:24,815
It... it goes down the sewer,
you know.
254
00:14:26,572 --> 00:14:28,322
Everybody's go down there?
255
00:14:28,424 --> 00:14:31,226
Yeah, everybody's dookie
goes down in the sewer.
256
00:14:37,282 --> 00:14:38,653
Where my dookie go after that?
257
00:14:39,718 --> 00:14:41,900
It washes out to the ocean.
258
00:14:43,021 --> 00:14:43,946
I guess.
259
00:14:44,029 --> 00:14:45,487
Hold up, hold up.
260
00:14:47,549 --> 00:14:49,920
Dolphins swim
with my dookie?
261
00:14:50,003 --> 00:14:52,871
I don't know, man. I mean,
I don't... I really don't know.
262
00:14:52,954 --> 00:14:54,511
- We're in the ocean...
- Yep.
263
00:14:54,797 --> 00:14:56,331
What happens to the dookie?
264
00:14:56,474 --> 00:14:59,445
I'm just taking a stab at...
like a wild guess, all right,
265
00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:02,136
that the dookie, like,
probably go up in the air
266
00:15:02,219 --> 00:15:05,300
and, like, evaporates and then
turns into a cloud or some [bleep].
267
00:15:05,383 --> 00:15:08,636
- A dookie cloud.
- Oh, this [bleep].
268
00:15:08,719 --> 00:15:11,552
- Everybody's dookie
mix up,
269
00:15:12,039 --> 00:15:15,594
goes up into a cloud,
and then it rains down.
270
00:15:15,677 --> 00:15:16,877
That's gangsta.
271
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,484
I just... Can we stop talking
about dookie right now?
272
00:15:21,823 --> 00:15:23,097
I just thought of something.
273
00:15:23,181 --> 00:15:24,680
Yes? What is it?
What is it, Levi?
274
00:15:24,763 --> 00:15:26,155
The pieces of my dookie...
275
00:15:26,394 --> 00:15:27,939
- Yep?
- ...falls on the ground...
276
00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:28,901
- That's true, yep.
277
00:15:28,984 --> 00:15:30,442
...and becomes a plant.
278
00:15:30,525 --> 00:15:33,100
Okay, okay, that's good. Now,
we're done with the dookie talk, right?
279
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,222
- A dookie plant...
- No.
280
00:15:35,528 --> 00:15:38,448
...that reaches towards the sky.
281
00:15:39,645 --> 00:15:41,031
Ahh.
282
00:15:42,365 --> 00:15:45,582
- Hey, Sed.
- Yeah, Levi?
283
00:15:45,994 --> 00:15:49,140
Maybe if my dookie
can make it out of the hood...
284
00:15:50,794 --> 00:15:52,721
Maybe we can too.
285
00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:56,439
Huh.
286
00:16:00,221 --> 00:16:01,523
Maybe.
287
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,561
Maybe, Levi.
288
00:16:07,839 --> 00:16:09,052
Okay, okay, okay.
289
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,610
Here's what we gonna do.
Here's what we gonna do.
290
00:16:10,693 --> 00:16:13,390
All right, Dr. King
talked about, um, uh,
291
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,153
all the races coming together,
right? Right?
292
00:16:15,236 --> 00:16:17,867
So what I want every negro
to do here today
293
00:16:17,950 --> 00:16:20,374
is find the nearest white person
and give 'em a hug.
294
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:21,976
Just... just give 'em
a hug, okay?
295
00:16:22,059 --> 00:16:23,722
No, sir,
you're not being attacked.
296
00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,896
You're not being attacked.
You're being hugged, okay?
297
00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:28,494
Everybody take it easy here, okay?
Everybody relax.
298
00:16:28,577 --> 00:16:31,837
You know what? We don't need 10 negroes
hugging one white person, okay?
299
00:16:31,921 --> 00:16:33,844
Let's just... let's...
You know, that's the new rule.
300
00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:35,689
Not ten on one.
One on one.
301
00:16:35,773 --> 00:16:37,464
So we'll just take turns
and everything, okay?
302
00:16:37,547 --> 00:16:39,005
So everybody relax, okay?
[crowd shouting]
303
00:16:39,088 --> 00:16:41,842
Oh, my Goodness.
Sir, she doesn't need to be defended.
304
00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:44,615
She doesn't need to be defended.
She's okay. She's okay, okay?
305
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:46,089
All right, ma'am... okay...
306
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,619
Officer,
is that necessary?
307
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,262
I don't think
that's necessary, officer.
308
00:16:49,346 --> 00:16:50,228
No ma'am! Please!
309
00:16:50,312 --> 00:16:51,350
Please take it easy sir!
310
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:52,924
Everyone take it easy,
all right?
311
00:16:53,007 --> 00:16:54,845
They're just hugs.
You're not being attacked.
312
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:05,842
Sometimes it's very difficult
to get black people,
313
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,543
especially black men, to laugh.
314
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:09,489
They are begrudging
laughers.
315
00:17:09,573 --> 00:17:11,270
Black dudes be... Look...
they'll be looking at us like,
316
00:17:11,353 --> 00:17:13,883
"Nah, see, nah, this ain't gonna
be funny. This ain't gonna be funny."
317
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,844
- We'll do something stupid...
- ...that really crack 'em up.
318
00:17:16,927 --> 00:17:18,366
These mother[bleep]s go,
"Psh, you stupid."
319
00:17:18,449 --> 00:17:19,311
"This is stupid."
320
00:17:19,394 --> 00:17:21,881
"You bein' stupid.
You bein' stupid."
321
00:17:21,964 --> 00:17:23,154
"Nah, man."
322
00:17:23,237 --> 00:17:24,599
"Y'all bein' stupid right now."
323
00:17:24,682 --> 00:17:25,724
"nah, that's stupid, man. Nah."
324
00:17:25,807 --> 00:17:27,057
- "I ain't laughing."
- "Y'all stupid."
325
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:28,647
- "I ain't laughing."
- "This thing is stupid."
326
00:17:28,731 --> 00:17:31,378
"Nah, nah, that ain't funny.
I ain't laughing at [bleep]."
327
00:17:31,461 --> 00:17:32,942
- "Dog, that's stupid."
- "Nah, nah."
328
00:17:33,025 --> 00:17:34,516
- "That's stupid!"
- "That's stupid as Hell.
329
00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:37,194
"That's stupid as Hell.
No, no, no.
330
00:17:37,278 --> 00:17:39,754
"No, these [bleep]s retarded.
These [bleep]s retarded."
331
00:17:39,837 --> 00:17:41,705
I think sisters
are actually harder.
332
00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:45,237
Sisters talk about, "[bleep], ain't
my job to laugh. It's your job to..."
333
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,988
"make me laugh."
334
00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:55,546
White people laugh a certain way,
which is, like, too hard.
335
00:17:55,630 --> 00:17:56,959
- Too hard, yeah.
- Just too hard.
336
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,934
It's a little too earnest, yes, yeah.
It's a little onomatopoetic.
337
00:18:00,017 --> 00:18:01,943
We do not need to be able
to spell your laughter.
338
00:18:02,026 --> 00:18:03,444
- We don't want to.
- Please don't do that.
339
00:18:03,527 --> 00:18:05,757
"Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho."
Don't do it.
340
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:07,545
Yeah, we... we don't need you
to be laughing like,
341
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:10,030
"Ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha."
342
00:18:10,646 --> 00:18:13,348
No [bleep] Mitt Romney
laughter here tonight.
343
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,006
- Good evening,
my fellow Americans.
344
00:18:21,089 --> 00:18:24,538
Now, first off, I would like
to once again introduce
345
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:26,178
my anger translator, Luther.
346
00:18:26,261 --> 00:18:26,933
Hi!
347
00:18:27,016 --> 00:18:30,512
Now, in the spirit of democracy,
I would like to take a moment
348
00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:32,306
to address my opponent,
Mitt Romney.
349
00:18:32,389 --> 00:18:33,973
Ooh, I been waiting for this.
350
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,022
Oh, boy,
I been waiting for this.
351
00:18:37,106 --> 00:18:38,833
Wassup, Mitt?
Ta-tai!
352
00:18:38,942 --> 00:18:41,525
Governor Romney
and I have different ideas
353
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:43,680
on how to best help
the American people.
354
00:18:43,764 --> 00:18:45,296
I saved the auto industry.
355
00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:47,394
You wanna give tax breaks
to millionaires.
356
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:49,034
I killed osama bin laden,
357
00:18:49,117 --> 00:18:51,856
And you strapped a dog
to the top of your car.
358
00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:54,306
Now, let's see.
Who's better for the country?
359
00:18:54,389 --> 00:18:57,643
I look forward to a fruitful
and healthy debate
360
00:18:57,726 --> 00:18:58,838
On the affordable care act.
361
00:18:58,921 --> 00:19:00,857
And since you already did it
in Massachusetts,
362
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,972
It's gonna be real interesting
to watch your flip-floppin' ass
363
00:19:04,055 --> 00:19:07,027
argue me on that [bleep] now!
Sa-si-san!
364
00:19:07,123 --> 00:19:10,650
But I also look forward to other ways
to articulate our differences.
365
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,384
I'm like the mother[bleep]
love child
366
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:15,566
of the Old Spice guy
and the Dos Equis dude,
367
00:19:15,649 --> 00:19:17,853
and you are literally
368
00:19:17,937 --> 00:19:21,248
the boringest,
whitest man alive today.
369
00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:25,629
I know that we will conduct
professional campaigns,
370
00:19:25,736 --> 00:19:28,679
That we will be respectful
to one another's personal lives,
371
00:19:28,762 --> 00:19:29,847
families, and religion.
372
00:19:29,929 --> 00:19:31,137
Oh, man, come on.
373
00:19:31,221 --> 00:19:34,562
I still gotta explain to half
the country that I'm not a Muslim,
374
00:19:34,645 --> 00:19:36,925
But it's still off limits
to talk about
375
00:19:37,008 --> 00:19:39,633
your mormon ass wearing
magic underwear
376
00:19:39,716 --> 00:19:43,520
and believing Jesus came down
and did some [bleep] in Pennsylvania?
377
00:19:43,604 --> 00:19:44,923
- All right now, Luther.
- I mean, come on, man!
378
00:19:45,006 --> 00:19:46,659
I mean,
this is some craziness!
379
00:19:46,742 --> 00:19:47,793
- Luther!
- This be..yes.
380
00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:50,934
Luther, Pennsylvania is a swing state.
Let's take it down a notch.
381
00:19:51,017 --> 00:19:52,441
Yeah, okay.
Come on, Luther.
382
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:56,261
Man, why you always gotta
cross the line, man?
383
00:19:56,451 --> 00:19:58,726
I believe
the American people will see
384
00:19:58,809 --> 00:20:01,613
that I've made their lives
better in the past four years.
385
00:20:01,696 --> 00:20:05,186
Americans would all be riding these
if I hadn't saved the auto industry.
386
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,735
I'm also confident
that the American people
387
00:20:09,831 --> 00:20:12,256
will make the choice
that will best help them
388
00:20:12,339 --> 00:20:15,064
and best help our path
to the future.
389
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,300
Y'all know
I'm winning this [bleep]!
390
00:20:17,565 --> 00:20:19,833
- Thank you,
and good night.
391
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,246
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
392
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,538
I love it.
I love playing Luther.
393
00:20:33,621 --> 00:20:35,190
- You do, huh?
- It's my favorite part.
394
00:20:35,273 --> 00:20:36,597
Well, any excuse you can get
to... to...
395
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,874
Yeah, I get to use
one of those... Oh, swa!
396
00:20:37,957 --> 00:20:40,751
Nope, um,
just almost ripped my taint.
397
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:42,765
- Okay. Thank you guys.
- Thank you very much.
398
00:20:42,848 --> 00:20:44,768
- You have a good night.
- Thanks for coming out.
399
00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:48,652
Sync & corrections: dwigt
www.addic7ed.com
400
00:20:48,777 --> 00:20:50,478
Resync BluRay by LeRalouf
401
00:20:52,034 --> 00:20:54,769
I'm gonna
do my one line here
402
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,838
Oh, yeah.
403
00:20:56,888 --> 00:21:01,438
Repair and Synchronization by
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