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1
00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,383
[woman sighing] I tell you, Nancy,
2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,136
I ain't never seen nobody so rude.
3
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,514
Here I am, trying to be nice to the guy.
4
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,016
Complimented his dog.
5
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,018
Showed him some love,
6
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,978
and what does he do in return?
7
00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:23,732
He pet my Kay Kay like an animal.
8
00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,942
Perhaps he was making the point
that he values his dog
9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,569
as much as you value your granddaughter.
10
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,195
Well, they're not the same.
11
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,613
To each his own.
12
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,033
He pet my Kay Kay's face.
13
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,492
Put his hands on her.
14
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,995
That is not right. I agree.
15
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,707
You know, they say he don't even work.
16
00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:44,419
Lives off some settlement money
or something like that.
17
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:48,131
This generation will never know the true
meaning of "work" anyway, but he...
18
00:00:48,673 --> 00:00:50,216
He sounds no good.
19
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,093
He is no good.
20
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,054
I tell you. A real piece of sh--
21
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:03,188
[Malcolm] Somebody new on the block
22
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:06,608
is letting their dog shit
all over the place and not picking it up.
23
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,784
♪ Bruno! ♪
24
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,578
♪ Bruno! ♪
25
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,997
♪ Bruno! ♪
26
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:22,499
♪ Yes, Bruno! ♪
27
00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:26,544
-[squawking]
-[man 1] I'll feed you in a little while.
28
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:27,754
[door chiming]
29
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:31,132
Hey, it's the main man, Malcolm.
How you doing?
30
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,217
What's up, fellas?
31
00:01:33,384 --> 00:01:34,427
Got a question for y'all.
32
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,595
What's up? What up?
33
00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:37,806
Have you seen anybody with a dog,
34
00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:40,308
letting it take a shit outside
and not cleaning up after it?
35
00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:41,559
You know, a shit and run?
36
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,144
[man 2] No, I ain't seen nothing, man.
37
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,814
How am I supposed to see a dog
taking a shit from here?
38
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,398
It's impossible.
39
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,984
What about inside the store?
You see anybody taking a shit in here?
40
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:51,111
[man 2] Hell no!
41
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:54,405
They can't do that stuff up in here.
We handle that shit right away.
42
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,366
[man 1]
We'd break their motherfucking legs.
43
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:57,617
And that's for real.
44
00:01:58,743 --> 00:01:59,994
Fucking love this guy.
45
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:02,163
All right.
Keep an eye out for me, all right?
46
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:03,373
-Of course.
-[man 2] I got you.
47
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,290
[man 1] Hello!
48
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:06,251
Fine products.
49
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:07,710
You've got two for one...
50
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,133
-[Malcolm] Yo, what's up, y'all?
-[boys] What's up?
51
00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:15,677
I've got a question
I need you to think very serious about.
52
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:16,594
What's up?
53
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:19,180
You seen anybody with a dog
letting them take a shit,
54
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:20,265
not cleaning up after it?
55
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:21,808
You know... a shit and run?
56
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:24,018
It depends on what type of shit
you talking about.
57
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,354
-Some little type of shit?
-Or some big type of shit?
58
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,773
'Cause me? I see a lot of shit.
59
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:31,568
I'm talking about some dog shit.
60
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:34,779
-Nah.
-I ain't seen no on-curb dog shit.
61
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,698
Well, keep a lookout for me, all right?
62
00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:37,615
Aight!
63
00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:40,243
And if you wonder what incentive you have,
just know...
64
00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,245
them pretty little Jordans you got on,
Timbs,
65
00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,413
whatever those are...
66
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:47,125
Victims. All victims to dog shit.
67
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:48,042
There's no shoe safe.
68
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,127
Word.
69
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:54,757
Hey!
70
00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,927
-Clean up after your dog, man.
-That's not my dog's shit.
71
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,095
I just saw it.
72
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,347
You saw this dog take that shit?
73
00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:02,557
Yeah.
74
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:03,683
There's the shit.
75
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,560
There's the dog.
76
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,562
Look at the size of that shit.
77
00:03:07,645 --> 00:03:09,522
Look how big it is. Get a good look at it.
78
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,940
Now look at my dog's ass.
79
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,859
Look how small the circumference is.
80
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,736
How could my dog have taken that shit?
81
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:17,280
I look like the kind of guy
that looks at dog's asses to you?
82
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,324
You're the kind
who doesn't look where he's stepping.
83
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:22,368
This don't happen in white neighborhoods.
That's all I know.
84
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,205
-Clean that shit up!
-It's not my dog's shit!
85
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,710
[Malcolm] Hey, man. Let me just get
these poop bags right here.
86
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,630
Ah, actually, Malcolm, instead of those...
87
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,632
you should go with these.
88
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,009
Biodegradable, deodorizing bags.
89
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:41,471
They're made out of materials derived
from plants and vegetable oils,
90
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:44,599
so they actually decompose
along with the feces.
91
00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:47,310
It also takes away the odor of it
as soon as you scoop it in there,
92
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:50,438
so why don't you do your part
for the environment, all the while...
93
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,398
avoiding a shitty smell?
94
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,235
I love this guy.
He's like a freaking encyclopedia.
95
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,736
All right. I'll take 'em.
96
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,321
[man 1] So...
97
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,573
Any news on the shit and run?
98
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,408
No, man. I looked everywhere.
99
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:05,453
-I asked everybody. Nothing.
-I just moved here.
100
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:09,457
[man 3] Yeah, yeah.
No, Minnesota's got nothing on this place.
101
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,920
Yeah. No, way less snow. Way less snow.
102
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:16,506
I mean, I haven't been here
for a winter yet, but...
103
00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:19,926
Brooklyn!
104
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,178
It sounds so gritty, right?
105
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,806
"I'm from Brooklyn!"
106
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,350
Yeah, you can't do that...
107
00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:30,270
Brap, brap!
108
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,314
Nah, it's like a rap thing.
109
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:35,900
Yeah.
110
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,695
I think it's like a gun sound.
I don't know.
111
00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:40,363
Hold on one second.
112
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:43,408
Is this organic?
113
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:44,701
Of course.
114
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:45,618
Cool.
115
00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:48,997
How you living?
116
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,415
[man 2] Good.
117
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,919
[Malcolm] Look at this fool here.
118
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,588
Just moved in
and thinks he's from the neighborhood
119
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,048
with his naked leash!
120
00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:02,135
Where's he keep the dog bags?
Could this be the culprit?
121
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,428
Brap!
122
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:06,306
With his rolled-up jeans
and floral shirt, yelling,
123
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:09,392
"Brooklyn!" and "Bushwick!"
like the guy's from here.
124
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:10,977
Poor greyhound.
125
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:11,978
Let's investigate.
126
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,692
-See you later, bros.
-[man 1] Enjoy!
127
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,112
[hipster] Yeah. This is where Spike Lee
did all those movies.
128
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:29,074
129
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:36,419
No, I don't know anything about computers,
so I would have to find like a developer.
130
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,589
[hipster laughing]
131
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:56,189
I told her if she wanted
to be in the band, she has to lose weight.
132
00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:01,778
Good boy.
133
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,248
Hey!
134
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,251
Shit and runner!
135
00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,029
[panting]
136
00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:50,910
I've never seen anything that fast.
137
00:06:52,286 --> 00:06:53,788
I don't know how we're gonna catch him.
138
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:54,997
What do you think?
139
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:56,499
[whining]
140
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:57,708
You're tired. I understand.
141
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,169
I'm gonna have to find out where he lives.
142
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,463
I'm gonna have to do something.
143
00:07:04,966 --> 00:07:06,717
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this shit.
144
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,386
[whining]
145
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,140
[man]
Bro, I think you're obsessing over this.
146
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:15,268
Obsessing? Nelson,
some hipster comes to my neighborhood,
147
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:17,854
our neighborhood, and lets his dog
shit all over the place.
148
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,021
I'm supposed to let that be?
149
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,023
I didn't say
you were supposed to be okay with it.
150
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,359
All I'm saying is you can walk around it.
151
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:26,571
There's some worse things on the street
than some dog caca.
152
00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,991
Are you sure it belongs... to a dog?
153
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,117
What?
154
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,077
I mean, this could be like a human shit.
155
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,705
I've seen
a person caca on the street before.
156
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,541
-Yeah, me too.
-No, man. It's not a human's shit.
157
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:41,043
I saw it fall out of the dog's ass.
158
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,838
Chris, I can't talk to you
with that dog humping your leg, man.
159
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,383
[Chris] Oh. Yeah, it's fine.
160
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,509
He'll get tired soon.
161
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,304
You have to resist.
Otherwise, it's gonna think you like it.
162
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:52,638
I don't wanna anger him.
163
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,932
[Nelson] Chris, you can't
let him dominate you like that.
164
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:56,100
You've gotta resist.
165
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,435
Macho, stop it!
166
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:01,063
He doesn't do that when I say it.
167
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,107
It's 'cause you say it with no authority.
168
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,275
Macho, come here!
169
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,780
I've gotta catch this guy.
170
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,866
He's one of these new hipsters moving in,
171
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:14,076
gentrifying and dog-shitting
the whole neighborhood.
172
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,870
I asked friends. Nobody knows him.
173
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:17,663
Maybe you can't ask friends.
174
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:19,165
Well, I asked strangers too.
175
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:20,833
[Nelson] Not strangers.
176
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,004
Enemies.
177
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:34,055
Yeah, that's it. [laughs]
178
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,016
[Nelson coughing]
179
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:38,768
You talking 'bout that dude
on 130 Evergreen
180
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:41,521
with that little bitch-ass greyhound
shitting all over the place?
181
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:44,440
Wait. You know who's been doing
the shit and runs in the neighborhood?
182
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,026
Do I know? I know everything
that happens on this block.
183
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:48,986
I've been asking everybody on the block.
184
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,863
Nobody knows nothing.
You knew this whole time.
185
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,990
-You could've told me.
-Why the hell would I tell you?
186
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,493
You hit me with a stick.
You got me all bruised up.
187
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:58,246
-My back hurt. I've got scoliosis.
-So you know him.
188
00:08:58,621 --> 00:08:59,539
What happened? Tell me.
189
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:04,293
Man, you're not gonna believe what I had
to do to get these shoes right here, man.
190
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,419
These right here?
191
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:07,421
These the PSNY Air Force 1s.
192
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:10,132
Everybody on the block
know these are the flyest shoes out.
193
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:12,093
[man] So I'm admiring 'em,
194
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:13,386
and boom!
195
00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:16,722
All of a sudden,
the sturdy ground got real mushy,
196
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,474
like some mashed potatoes or something.
197
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,185
But everybody on the block knows
ain't no fucking mashed potatoes
198
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,270
in these Brooklyn streets.
199
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,688
Just dog shit.
200
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,400
So I look out the corner of my eye,
and I see this hipster's dog...
201
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:28,985
finishing a dump!
202
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:30,861
So I rolled up on him...
203
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:31,779
[shouting]
204
00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:36,367
He dipped off on me.
Real quick, like a track star.
205
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,495
See this calf muscle right here, man?
206
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,373
Ran track, '98 to 2000.
Penn Relays and all of that.
207
00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,292
So I go after him with one shoe on,
208
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,127
but I can't really catch up to him,
209
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:49,213
but everybody on the block
saw that I was jogging after him, though.
210
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,131
[Malcolm] Wait a minute.
211
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,841
Why were you chasing him with one shoe on?
212
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:54,176
You could've put on the other shoe
and maybe caught him.
213
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,138
[man] When you step in dog shit,
you gotta catch it on the first step.
214
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:01,350
Otherwise, every step you take after that
gets into the crevice of the shoe.
215
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:03,436
Man, everybody on the block knows that.
216
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,897
So anyways,
I follow him to where he lives.
217
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,362
And when I get there,
I take a piss on his building.
218
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,574
Everybody on the block
saw me take a piss on that building.
219
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:19,452
Ew!
220
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:22,913
-Perfect. You know where he lives.
-Hell, yeah, I do.
221
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,790
-Okay, so you can take me there.
-Give me $20.
222
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,292
-No.
-All right. Let's do it.
223
00:10:42,558 --> 00:10:43,392
Hey.
224
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:45,102
Yeah.
225
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:22,264
[theme music playing]
225
00:11:23,305 --> 00:11:29,449
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