Original subtitles

Now, don�t touch anything, Casper. I�ll be right back, OK?

Catch.

Hey.

Wow.

Casper! I told you not to touch anything.

This urn is very dangerous.

I�m sorry, dad.

It�s OK, buddy. ljust don�t want to see you get hurt, is all. OK?

What do you say we put this back and go get ourself a little swirly cone?

Yeah! - Yeah? OK.

Daddy? You OK?

Daddy?

Casper, sweetie, you grandfather�s on the horn for ya!

Hey, Gramps.

Hey, kiddo. You won�t believe it!

The annual Occultist Society Awards are tonight!

Wow. Great. Cool.

Yeah! I originally RSVPed that l was going to go

on account of the shop. One of the organizers just called and said

l have to go, because they�re giving me a lifetime achievement award

with a trophy and everything! Can you believe it? My very first trophy!

Wow. Congrats, Gramps.

The only thing is, I need someone to watch the shop

while I�m away. - What about Mom?

Well, she�s working. And her and you are the only family I�ve got.

What do you say, kiddo?

Sorry, Gramps. I can�t. I�ve got football practice.

Oh? - Yeah, I�m kind of the glue that holds the team together...

Oh, alright. I guess I can always use my trophy case

to store my very sad-looking tribal masks.

Good luck with the footballs.

Thanks, Gramps. Bye. - Yeah. Bye-bye.

It�s a beautiful sunny day today, folks.

The type of day where nothing at all can ever, ever go wrong.

Football, Casper? Really?

I still have nightmares, Ma! You know I haven�t been in there since...

I know. I know, sweetheart. I know it�s hard, but it�s been 15 years.

Can�t he just close the shop for, like, a day or two? There�d be...

Your grandfather can�t close the shop during business hours. You know that.

ljust can�t, OK? It�s so cursed in there.

Oh, sweetheart. Oh, honey, don�t forget your lunch.

And remember what I did with the crusts:

I cut it... You cut itjust the way I like them. Yeah.

Sweetie! Don�t forget to put your mouth guard in.

I�ll be fine, Ma!

OK, sweetie! Bye! - Bye!

Better safe than sorry.

However, when the eagle eats the ferret, it�s hard

not to extrapolate the sexual undertones. Very creative writing, Lucy.

Thanks, Mr. Duffy. I heart eagles.

Oh, that�s creative, too.

Oof!

Mr. Galloway. How nice of you to grace us with your clumsy presence.

Good one, sir.

That�s a really cool sketchbook.

| doodle with pencil.

OK?

I doodle with pencils?

Alright, class. For the next 15 minutes, I want you to write a poem

about a jealous shark. I think you�ve got to be excited.

Oh my God, Casper. Did Ijust see your pinky finger touch Charlotte�s knee?

Well, for your information, Becky, she said my notebook was cool.

Why don�t you just ask her out?

I�m sure Patrick and his ginormous muscles would love that. They�re so big.

It�s better than being the weird guy that just draws sketches of his crush.

This coming from the girl that�s dating Burt the TA. Burt?

Really? What�s up with that?

Maturity and a mutual love of poetry, my friend.

Oh, maturity! Yes, the guy that wrote you a poem

comparing your hair to hot dogs? Is that that guy?

Yeah. And? - And? And that�s ridiculous!

Burt, do we have Mr. Galloway�s end-of�term assignment yet?

No, sir.

Just as I thought. Do you realize you have not handed in

Do you realize you have not handed in your end-of�term assignment yet, Mr. Galloway?

Yeah, I realized. I realized it because I...

l have it here. I�m just tweaking a few things.

Yeah, right!

Writing is rewriting, Professor Duffy.

If it�s not on my desk by tomorrow, |wi|| fail you.

I�m on it.

I�m screwed. - I know.

And, for the love of God, stop it with your incessant doodling!

I don�t like doodling. I never told you I liked doodling.

I never wrote you a note saying I liked doodling.

Stop doodling.

I don�t have a clue what to write.

I�m going to flunk out of college and live with my mother for the rest of my life.

She�s going to be making meatballs, and I�m going to be eating them at age 75!

Casper, just write anything. Look, I wrote a one-act play

entitled The Feminist Snail. Duffy gave me an �A�.

What? - Yeah!

Check it out, friends of mine. This puppy is a 19708 original, mint condition.

Seth, you�re the only guy I know that can actually sell mugs and make money online.

Sell and barter. Last week, I got a Winnebago.

For mugs? - Antique mugs.

Tonight, I�ve got to ready a massive shipment going out to the Polish Mug Society.

Mugs are hip, Casper.

Heck yes they are! My online mug business is booming.

After graduation, I am going to make buckets of money.

Casp, what are you doing after graduation?

I don�t know!

That�s crazy!

For tonight, my love, I was thinking some 18th-century poetry

and a little Japanese chardonnay. They go beautifully together.

Until then.

Oh, the minutes will feel like daggers to my eyes.

Burt. Hey. Hey, man. I�ve got a thing you need to own.

Oh yeah? What�s that?

Boom. Never know when you�re going to need a hotdog mug.

A hotdog mug! How much?

I can give you the one-time low-low price of a hundred bucks.

I�ve got 80, cash. - I�ll take that.

Thank you. - Fuck, 80 Dollar?

Eye daggers, Becky. Eye daggers.

It�s like drugs! - Yes.

Bye-bye, boys. - See you, Burt.

Sblah, Burt.

My man. Oh, check it out. There�s the trophy for the big grudge match tonight.

I remember my very first trophy.

Greatest day of my life. Most improved hygiene. True story.

That�s really gross. - Hey, man, | smell amazing now.

Casp, man, what�s up with you?

Oh, it�s that trophy guy back there. Gramps is supposed to be getting a trophy tonight,

and he asked me to watch the shop for him.

What? - Really? What�d you say?

I said I have football practice.

And he believed that?

Hey. Hey! Why are you laughing? I�m a great football player.

I can hold my own when it comes to the pigskin.

Yes. - Incoming!

Oh, my arm.

Nice catch, Casper. - I caught it.

Picture!

Make sure you post that shit, Becky. - Will do.

Hello, nurse! I am in love with Lucy Winthrop.

You should have heard her eagle poem. It was full of sexual undertones.

I bet.

Hey, Dazz. You got your arm ready for the big game tonight?

Touchdown is my middle name, baby.

Good, �cause I hate the Wildcats.

Hey, Lucy.

Get bent, loser.

You will be mine.

He�s so annoying!

Watch it, cheese-breath.

Hey, Dazz. You want to take home that trophy tonight, you�d better make sure

you get the ball to the Paddy wagon, you know what I�m saying?

Are you drunk, Patrick?

Oh, screw you, too. Hey, think quick, Galloway!

OK, OK. OK, man. Lay off.

Chill out, Dazz. Alright? I�m just messing around. You know that.

Come on, ladies. Let�s make like a baby and head out. The chariot awaits.

Bye,Lucy.

Bye, Lucy. Hahaha!

Thanks, Dazz.

Hey, man. We�re like family. That�s what we do: take care of each other.

Family. We�re like brothers.

And, on that note, who wants burritos?

I do. - Seth is paying.

Hey, you chug that hot sauce they have, and I�ll get you whatever you want.

You�ve got a deal, baby.

The trophy guy!

You coming, Cas?

You know what? You guys go. I�ve got stuff l have to do, so...

Suit yourself.

Hey, Gramps!

Hey, kiddo. What are you doing here? I thought you had the footballs.

Dislocated my appendix. And besides, we�re family.

A brudda�s got anudda brudda�s back.

You�re going to watch the shop?

If it helps you out.

That�s great news! - Yeah.

It�s not every day you get a lifetime achievement award

from the Occultists� Society!

Let me give you the nickel tour and explain the ground rules.

Ground rules.

One: never close during open hours, OK?

Two: make sure you lock up when you leave.

And three: absolutely, under no circumstances,

is anyone to come within spittin� distance of that urn.

Understand?

Yeah. I certainly do.

Let me tell you a story.

Your great granddaddy, Gilbert Galloway, captured evil spirits.

So he was like a ghost-buster?

More like a demon shit-kicker!

Oh Shit!

Now, that there urn contains the remains of the most malicious

and evil spirit of them all.

What happens if it breaks?

The spirit would curse whomever released it, that�s what!

You�ve got to treat that thing with respect!

Or it will make your life a living hell!

But don�t you worry, kiddo.

You�re safe, as long as you don�t mess with it.

OK!

Well, I�ve got to go.

80 soon? Really?

Got a long drive ahead of me!

Go deep! Hut!

It�s my appendix. Broke.

Remember the rules, and you�ll be fine. It means the world, Casper.

Gramps, I... I�ve got it under control!

I can�t do this. Oh my God.

Oh my God!

Whoa! Jeez.

I know. We�ll just be a second. There�s something I need to see.

What�s that, Charlotte? You bike wearing a mouth guard as well?

Really? Me too. I do. I know, it�s embarrassing.

Casper?

Ah! Hi! Hi. Hi.

What are you doing here?

Working? Just, I�m not working hard, though, if that�s not cool.

Just taking it cool, �cause I�m Mr. Cool-Beans. - Do you work here?

Taking care of it for my gramps.

Ah, Caspy, of course. Your grandfather talks about you all the time.

He does?

Yeah. I�m in here a lot.

| just think this stuff is so cool.

Yeah.

How come I�ve never seen you here?

Like, never? - Ever.

Oh. You know what? Probably in the back,

working with the really scary stuff.

Hurry, Charlotte. This place is gross.

OK. | just have to pay for the book.

You know what? It�s on the house.

No. - Yes. - What...

Yeah. You know what? You can consider it an appreciation gift

for the very faithful customer of the Occult Barn.

He must be there. - Thank you.

You�re welcome.

Good day, sir. I will take three buffalo testicles, please. Heh.

Hey, Lucy. Talk about fate! We�re meant to be together.

As if.

Guys, what are you...

What? You think we�re going to leave you alone in your most feared place on the planet?

Come on, man.

Feared? By feared, you mean favourite. That�s what you mean, right?

Favourite! Right, that�s what I meant to say.

Casper, man, how much your grandfather want for that cool mug thing?

That would catch me a mint online.

No, that is not a mug, that is an urn,

and it�s a do-not-touch, do�not-sell item!

Oh, come on, man. Everything�s negotiable!

No! Not that. That�s not negotiable.

It should be. - It�s not going to be.

Well, it will be, in my books.

Never! - Fifty bucks?

No. - OK.

I think it�s really cool. - You do? Really?

Oh yeah! I have asked your grandfather about it,

but he always just changes the subject.

I don�t know why he does that. It�s....

Hey, Charlotte, we going or what?

Yeah, in a second. Casper was just about to show us this really cool urn thing.

l was? - Well, shit or get off the pot, man.

Patrick, you�re a jerk. - I can�t.

Thanks for wasting my time, sack-breath. Let�s peel, ladies!

Wait, no! Just... I meant I can�t let you go

without seeing it. - Really?

Sure.

Yay!

Alright, careful, Casper. You�re not the most athletic.

Hurry up, butthoIe-breath.

l have been waiting so long to see this.

Whoa, whoa, careful, now.

Get it. Don�t drop it!

Hurry up, colon cleanser.

Good one.

Smile.

Easy, Becky! This thing�s dangerous! Jeez.

Oh, it�s a wicked picture, though.

Can I touch it?

Your hand...

Way to go, vomit-breath.

Don�t worry, Casp. All you need is a broom and some sticky tape.

I can fix that, no problem. - We�re all cursed, Seth!

Oh, sure we are. - Yeah, good one, Casper.

No, seriously! We are! That urn contains an evil spirit,

and, when it breaks, it escapes and curses you!

You mean an evil curse, like we walk out of here and everyone

we make eye contact with is going to kill themselves and then come back as a zombie?

That is a horrible thing to say. That�s a horrible thing to say!

No, wait a minute. Zombies are so overdone.

Not just any old zombie, Becky. I�m talking about a zombie

possessed by the ash demon from the urn.

What?

Well, wait. 80 then it�s half zombie, half demon.

A.k.a. zemon. - Right!

This isn�t a joke, guys! - You�re a joke.

Wait. Instead of eating your brains, they give you hickeys.

What?

Yeah. And then, if they hickey you, you�ll want to kill yourself, too.

And then, if you do, you will also turn into a zemon.

Obviously. - That doesn�t even make sense! That doesn�t...

And there�s totally a rule that you can seduce them, and,

if you give them a French kiss, then they become your slave.

I�m liking the oral fixation theme.

I think that everything should just start at midnight tonight.

Oh, Seth. Come on with the clich�s. - OK. How about 10?

No, 10 works for me. I�m free then.

We�ve got football. Can't make it.

10? That�s too early. - 10 works.

Oh! And, if we don�t reverse the curse by dawn,

we�ll be cursed for eternity. - Oh, it�s got to be eternity.

Definitely!

This is a wicked curse!

Alright, hands in. - Alright.

One, two, three... CURSE!

Ah! Lightning! Oh man! - Dude, you are being weird!

We need to build a barracks or find a bomb shelter or something!

You�re weird, man. - Nein.

Yeah! - N0!

You need to calm down.

OK, everyone out. Out! Out now!

Calm down, Caspy. It�s OK. - N0.

Don�t cry.

I�m not crying! I�m sweating in my eyes, that�s all.

Paddy wagon out!

Bye, Casp. You�re a weirdo.

See you later, Casper. - Get some rest.

Casper, nothing�s going to happen, OK?

It would be cool if it did, but nothing ever does, 30... Thank you, again, for the book.

No problem.

Bye! - See you, Cas!

Oh! I�m really sorry, Mr. Evil Urn Ash Man.

I�m going to fix up your little house in no time.

Whew. There you go, Mr. Terrifying Evil Ash Spirit Man.

I told you I�d fix up your little house, no?

Good as new. Tuck you in.

Hi, honey. I�ve got din-din ready. - No time! Cursed!

It�s homemade meatballs.

Where does a man find a hammer in this house, Mother?

Under the sink, honey.

I�m so happy. Your grandfather called today, and he told me

how proud he was of you that you stopped by the shop. You are such a good boy, sweetheart.

Casper? Casper?

What is it, Becky?

Well, I�m about to build my barracks before 10 hits. What are you doing?

You�re going on a date?

Imminent doom is upon us here, Becky! Imminent doom!

Don�t...

How am I supposed to know what colour lipstick is better? I don�t...

Just go with red. - Fine! Go with electric fuchsia!

I don�t care about your lipstick problems!

No eye contact after 10, OK? Hey... Hello?

OK. Need a timer.

No eye contact, no zemons.

Barracks complete.

Oh, good. Only nine minutes left. Whoa! Shit! I need supplies!

Can�t have enough com. I love creamed corn.

Your grandfather�s on the phone. - Ah! God! Hey, Gramps.

Hey, kiddo. How�d you make out today?

It was so awesome. Yep. Nothing bad happened, that�s for sure.

Oh, that�s swell. Things here are so awesome, too. My trophy...

Congrats, Gramps!

I�ve just got to go ice my appendix. Here�s Ma. I love you. Bye.

For I am a leaf, fragile and weak,

until I see you, my mighty yew.

If I could don a cloak made of the love of thee,

then I, as a leaf, could tip over my tree.

It�s brilliant.

Really? I�m... You know, I�m thinking of changing the leaf part to a more fragile metaphor.

But, anyway, just... - I wouldn�t change a thing.

Really? Thank you. How about we take the party to the balcony?

|�|| light up the tiki torches.

The annual grudge match is well under way,

and the Patriots are back in the red zone.

Will they hand it off to the Paddy wagon

No matter what�s took, no matter what�s given, I always want more, son, �cause this is how I�m livin�.

The fans are going crazy, and so are the cheerleaders.

Wow. Look at that guy shine!

Food ration, check. Toilet paper, check. F... l have T.P. but no latrine.

I need latrine!

Ma, where�s the mop bucket? Ma?

Rock and roll.

Casper.

Ah! N0! N0.

Are you on the weed, Casper?

How are you feeling, Ma? Nauseous? You suicidal?

Don�t change the subject. Are you on the weed?

No, not... I�m not on the weed.

Then why are you making messes and acting like a drug user?

Something bad happened at the shop today,

but the fact that you haven�t killed yourself is... it�s great.

Don�t even joke like that, Casper.

Sorry, Mom.

That�s great, sweetie. We�ll talk about it after my bath.

Thanks. - Love you, sweetie.

Yeah. Love you, Mom.

We�re not cursed.

Your eyes are majestic.

Oh, Burt.

Would it be presumptuous of me to say that, uh...

I�m falling head-over-heels in love with you.

I wouldn�t say presumptuous so much as premature.

I am moving away after graduation.

Too soon. Yeah. It�s... It�s the wine talking.

It�s OK.

Wow. With that, I... I�d like to propose a toast.

To my beloved Becky, and to the beauty of every moment

we spend together.

With that, I bid you adieu.

Adieu. Sure.

I don�t know why I did this.

Oh god.

It can�t be...

l have nothing.

Hopeless.

It all comes down to this.

If the Patriots score, the trophy is theirs.

Hey. Look at me. Look at me. It�s your time to shine, Tony.

I�m going to you on two, OK?

You bet your ass!

Catch the ball this time, bologna-breath. - I never drop the ball.

OK. Break! And here we go.

And here we go.

Tornado 22. Hut, hut!

Go, Tony, go!

Yeah! All day! Patriots, baby! Patriots!

I got you, Tony! Touchdown!

Give me that! Give it! I need this for some reason.

Where�s he going?

Oh! And Tony the receiver is impaling himself with the first-down marker!

Ooh! Tony just lanced himself!

Patriots!

No! Tony!

Booyeah, baby! Booyeah!

Why?

Oh, feels good! - Oh, that�s gross!

No. No way. Oh my God.

I�ve got to go.

That�s what I call a touchdown! Yeah! Yeah!

Ready? Go Pa...

Charlotte? I�m scared.

Now I�m just going to grab this fountain pen and stab it into myjugular.

Knife or something. What can I do? That�s stupid. Oh.

Hi. You�ve reached Seth�s Super Mug Mart. We are smug for mugs.

Leave a message, and I�ll get back to you.

Hopeless.

Ha. I�ll pass on the I told you we�re not cursed speech, Becky.

Everything OK in there?

Say something, Ma. I�m coming in, and that could get weird.

Mom?

Mom?

Please don�t make me use this!

Ah! Oh! Daw!

Ah! Oh, gross!

No! No! Oh god!

No! No!

This day is the worst!

Oh no. No.

Ma, please.

Ma? Please...

Oh, dang. Oh, dang. Please let it be a deer in pajamas.

We�re real sorry, mister.

Oh my God. She came out of nowhere.

Don�t mind the shotgun. We was just duck-hunting. It�s a twelve-gauge.

Pass her here. I�ve got a serious hankering for some buckshot.

This feels right.

No. No!

Ah! No, no!

Casper.

Oh, Becky, it�s so good to see you.

Mom turned into a zemon, and I ran

and now she�s dead!

Oh my God. - God!

Casper, I�m so sorry.

What�s with the crossbow?

Burt. I... He�s... I don�t know exactly what he is, but you were right:

we�re definitely cursed. - I knew this would happen.

What about the others?

The game. - What? - The game.

Oh shit.

Wow. We are in serious trouble.

Maybe, if we�re really quiet, she�ll just go back to sleep.

Run! Get out of there! We've got to go! Run! Run! Run!

We�ve got to go! Run!

I can�t believe this is actually happening!

We need to find Seth.

Somebody please carry me! - I�m not fit for cardio!

Seth! Seth, come on, man! We�ve got to go!

Wait, wait... I found his phone! - Aw, he�s not here.

Oh, shit. 80 now what? - OK. - OK.

I think, first, we�ve all got to come to grips with exactly what�s going on here.

Meaning? - We�re cursed.

I�m so sorry we didn�t believe you, Casper.

So everything we said at the shop is actually happening.

I don�t even remember what we said.

Whoever we make eye contact with is going to kill themselves,

come back as zemons, and try and kill us via hickeys.

Whose dumb idea was hickeys?

My bad.

But don�t forget you can French-kiss them and make them your slave.

My bad.

I�m going to go poop.

He was with his mom at 10 o�clock.

Zemon attack! Kill it! Kill it!

Sorry, Seth. I thought you were a zemon.

No, guys. It�s just brain-freeze central.

Lucy�s in my apartment?

Wait. Is this an intervention? - Where have you been, dude?

| just had to go and ship my package. Package.

Tell me you kept human contact to a minimum!

Well, as luck would have it, after I mailed my package out to the Polish Mug Society,

I ran into this hot Chick who asked me for directions.

I think she was Swedish.

And then I found this guy selling stolen stereos on the side of the road out of a van.

He gave me a great deal on a set of speakers.

And then I earned some brownie points by helping this old lady across the road.

God, she was a total GILF. - GILF?

Yeah. You know, granny I�d like to f--

Enough.

OK. Well, then I filled up my mug with a delicious Slurp-Slurp, red, of course.

And then I had a funny conversation with the store clerk guy

about how gross those salsa pretzels are. And then I came home.

You saw that many people on your way to mail a package?

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot:

when l was in the store, this hippie dude came in,

and he actually bought one of those gross salsa pretzels.

And then we got to chatting about mugs and stuff,

which led to this impromptu double-Dutch session with this friend of his named Tito.

And then we smoked a huge fattie.

And then I came home.

And how many of those people did you make eye contact with?

Well, everyone, of course. Eye contact�s an important character trait. Hey, man!

We�re all going to die!

No, no, guys. It�s cool. It�s one of the hippie dudes l was telling you about.

Hey, man, you�re so baked you�re, like, almost blue.

Oh, hey, hey. This is the merchandise, Dazz!

Whoa! Super hoot.

He�s a dragon zemon!

Oh, man. No, no. Please?

The head was a good Choice. - Thanks

The curse is real, isn�t it?

Yeah, man. And we�ve got to move now.

I say we hit up Gramps� shop. He�s got to have books that can help.

There�s no way I�m going back to that rat shack!

Now is not a good time to be difficult, Patrick.

Oh, like you don�t...

Maybe we should go. - Yeah!

Do you still have that Winnebago you traded for mugs?

Seth! Seth! Listen. Where are the keys to the Winnebago?

On the desk? - Desk. Desk! - Got �em!

Everybody grab a weapon. It�s a game of inches!

Oh wow.

Ninja stars?

Yeah, there was this really great sale online.

Batter�s up!

Ah. T-ball.

Let me out!

Go team!

Wait, Becky. Where is Casper?

I�m on it.

I�m coming!

Casper, they found us.

I can�t do this, Becky.

Come on. We have to fix what we�ve done.

Fixing things won�t bring back Mom.

I know, I know. Come on. Come on. - N0. I don�t...

Come on up. We can do this. OK?

Yes.

Now pick up that rolling pin

and get ready to flatten some zemon ass like a real man.

But what about Seth?

He�s in the van with everybody else.

I�m going to bring some tissues. - Good on you, good on you.

Ah, get, get, get!

Ha! Itjust don�t get no better than this! Ah.

Oh my God.

This is bad. This is really bad.

Great Scott!

There are more!

To the camper!

Get in!

Get away! Get away!

Let me in! Let me in!

Get away! Get away! Inside! Inside!

Come on!

Do it!

It won�t start!

Try it! Try it!

Nothing!

Oh my God, oh my God, help us.

Don�t worry, guys. I think this will help. Yeah. Yeah, it did. OK.

Just move!

I got it, guys. Come on, come on, come on!

Thanks for all your help, Patrick.

Guys? I�m hungry.

Hurry up, barf-breath.

Listen, man. I�m trying as hard as I can.

Could you just lay off him, Patrick? - Whose side are you on, Charl?

Guys, keep it down.

Ah!

Gramps! What are you doing here?

I came home to put up my trophy!

What happened to the urn?

It broke.

No kidding! This is bad!

I knew it was bad. - But manageable.

Oh, good. Oh. That�s real good. - Manageable is good.

|�|| lock the door!

Oh! Oho! Oh, I�m getting good at this.

What the heck is that?

That�s a zemon.

You need to tell me exactly what happened when you broke the urn.

OK, so we sort of made a joke about a curse that involved us looking at people,

and, when we did, they killed themselves

and came back as zombie demons.

A.k.a. zemons.

Oh, and don�t forget the hickeys.

And, oh yeah, if we don�t reverse it before sunrise,

then we�re cursed for eternity.

You mocked the spirit!

To be fair, sir, we actually thought we were mocking Casper, your grandson.

A curse is no laughing matter!

Our bad. - Sorry.

Whatever you said when the last ash hit the ground

is going to happen.

I knew I knew it was bad.

This book can help.

There�s a spirit. It burned the new curse rules into the book.

That is so cool.

It�s so shiny.

Gramps? Oh my God!

Oh Shit! We�ve been making eye contact the whole time!

Oh man! This curse is so complicated.

Get the book. There�s still hope.

Somebody do something! CPR, Heimlich, anything!

So ironic...

We�ve got company!

Oh God! He�s out of my seduction zone!

What do I do?

Don't know.

Oh my God.

Hang in there, Gramps.

Your great granddaddy, it�s in his...

In his what? What?

You�ve got to dig.

Dig to where?

You�ve got to dig.

Gramps? Gramps! No! Gramps...

Gramps... No!

Casper, we�ve got to move him before he turns into a zemon.

We�ll make this right, buddy. - Sorry, Casp.

OK. Where are we going to put him?

I�ve got an idea.

What have we got? - Look familiar? - Yes.

That urn contained an evil spirit that haunted these parts

during the turn of the century.

And it was finally captured and contained by none other than Casper�s great grandfather.

He was a hero, Casper. - He was a hero, Casper.

Hero, schmero. Can we fix this shit?

Yes, we can, but we have a lotto do before sunrise.

Which is in six hours and 13 minutes.

OK, OK, so, in order to capture the spirit again,

we need to recreate the urn by gathering the following elements.

OK, so, first we�re going to need ashes from the previous urn.

Ashes... - Got it!

Oh, great, OK. We need a new urn to capture the spirit.

Oh, I think I saw something over there!

OK, OK. Next up, we need a human skull to seal the urn,

and a toad heart to bring it to life.

Check and check. - You know where to find a human skull?

Anthro class, Patrick. If you came, you�d know. Keep going.

OK. OK.

Alright, next up we need a timepiece

from the previous exorcist of the spirit.

So that must be Casper�s great-grandfather, right?

Any ideas?

His name�s Gilbert Galloway. That�s all I�ve got.

That�s something. We can research the name at the library.

Looks like we�re headed back to campus.

Oh, good. I thought that place was useless.

You can check urn off the list.

Oh my god.

Looks like this one�s a gold-digger.

Just when I thought things couldn�t get more sick.

Weapons. We need more weapons.

OK. Just take your pick.

Ayootsasayee! - OK.

These are my guns. These are my bullets.

Guys, look what I found.

Cool.

Yeah. Gramps let me try these once. There used to be four.

Go, go, go, go!

Back door! Follow me!

Move! Move! Whoa, whoa, whoa.

| feel like we�re all dressed up with nowhere to go.

Boom goes the zemon.

Lucy, be careful! Here. Get in.

No! No! No! Gramps! The book!

Gramps, please don�t. Please don�t.

No! No, Dazz! No! Don�t! Don�t...

Gramps! - Come on, man. Let�s go! Let�s go!

Casper, I�m really sorry about Gramps.

Thanks.

That�s it. Stop. Stop. Stop!

OK, OK. What�s wrong?

I can�t do this anymore. Let�s go, Charl.

No, Patrick. We have to stick together.

Let�s go, Charlotte.

Wh... No. I�m not going to leave.

Look, I know tonight�s been tough. - Yeah!

OK. But I say we drop the dead weight and we save ourselves.

We can get a fresh start,

just you and me, just like the old days. What do you say?

Are you delusional? Patrick, this isn�t ninth grade anymore.

Why would I go anywhere with you after how you acted tonight?

Fine. You know what? Forget about it. And forget about us!

OK? You�ve made it pretty clear whose side you�re on.

Wait, this isn�t about sides, Patrick.

Oh, sure it is. And I�ll make it easy for you:

you can stay here with your new pussy friends

while the Paddy wagon moves on to greener pastures. Peace!

I wouldn�t do that.

Oh, shut up, horse-breath.

Let�s see how far you get without a leader like yours truly.

Patrick, please don�t do something stupid.

Patrick? Patrick! Where�s he going? Patrick!

You�re kidding me.

And, for the record, Char, the only reason I stayed with you so long

was the thought that I�d convince Lucy to have a threesome with us.

Gross!

Farewell, bitches!

Oh my God!

Help! Charlotte!

Oh man.

Oh, wait...

So does this mean you�re single?

Seth! It�s not funny!

Too soon. - Yeah, of course it does.

That�s what I thought, though. Sort of. - Not appropriate, guys.

Wait, wait, wait. Do you guys hear that?

What? No.

Oh my God!

It�s the guys that killed my mom!

Is that a pump-action shotgun?

Duck!

Christ! Hold on, guys!

How do you work one of these things?

Just pull the pin and throw it!

Oh. Hey, demon hillbillies! This one�s for my mom!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah!

That was so rad! That was so rad.

I�ve never done that before.

I almost enjoyed that.

Wow.

Wow. That was close.

Why are we stopping?

Bad news, guys.

For the record, guys, ifl had known we�d be involved in a zemon curse tonight,

I would have totally topped up the tank.

OK, it�s isolated. - OK.

There�s one guy working the joint. He�s half asleep, watching TV.

Dazz, did you happen to notice any snacks?

Honestly, Seth?

Guys, I�ve got the munchies, big time.

OK, let�s push.

Ready?

Ready?

One, two, three.

In breaking news, emergency rooms are filling up with reports

of self-inflicted injuries in the east end of town. But now, back to the music!

Alright. - Just so you know... - Yeah?

I�m not so great in these sort of situations.

We�ve just got to play it cool, give him 20 bucks for gas,

avoid eye contact, get out. No biggie.

OK, nobody is going to be able to see my eyes through this thing.

Here�s hoping. - Yeah.

Alright.

There�s our cue. Watch my back.

Well, hello. Good evening, sir.

We will take 20 in gas, please.

Nice camper.

Oh! Yeah, you�re telling me!. Purrs like a kitten. Yeah.

I need a price check on these.

Oh. Oh! Wow! You know what? I think I already have those in purple, so...

These are really small for my face. I can�t... Yep. So I don�t want �em.

20 it is.

Oh wow! Oh! Yikes! I�ve got something in both my eyes right when you did that.

Ah. My eyes also are stinging.

And it�s both of them.

My motor oil exhibit!

Oh, sir, you don�t...

You goddamn kids have no respect for history!

Oh! No! Don�t! Don�t go out there! Oh God!

Time for plan �B�. - We have a plan �B�?

No! - Oh God.

Hey, clean up your mess!

Pump it hard, Seth!

Seth, quick!

Casper!

Your hand.

You stepped on my back, you little freak!

Get out of here, you little st...

Thanks for the gas, man.

Seth, kind of in a hurry!

Coming! Go! Go! Go, go, go!

Well, it wasn�t pretty, but mission accomplished.

Except I accidentally made eye contact with the guy.

But I was wearing the mask, so we should be fine, right?

Guys?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, man, these masks don�t work at all!

Oh, well, at least you got the gas.

OK. Seth, Lucy, you guys tackle the biology lab, get the toad heart.

Charlotte and Becky, get to the library,

find out as much about Gilbert Galloway as you can.

Casper, stay here, man the Winnebago.

Perfect. What about the skull?

I know exactly where my anthropology prof keeps it.

We should stick together. I have a bad feeling about this.

No, Casper. We stick to the plan.

The college is going to be swarming with zemons from the football game.

We all know what happened when Patrick went off on his own.

We don�t have time, Casper!

Don�t say I didn�t warn you.

What? What is that supposed to mean?

Nobody listened to me with the urn. Look how that turned out.

Come on. That�s not fair.

It is fair. I didn�t even want to take the urn down in the first place!

Wait, I...

Are you blaming me?

That�s not what I meant.

Let�s go, Becky.

Come on, Casper.

That�s not what I meant! That�s not what I...

You make me sick.

Hey. Just cool it, man. We�ll be back in no time.

That�s not what I meant.

Sick.

What? You ever dissect a toad before?

It�s actually kind of fun. Here.

ljust puked in my mouth.

I�m telling you, after what we�ve been through tonight,

it�ll seem like a bowl of cherries. I promise.

I�d probably just screw it up.

That�s impossible, because you�re perfect.

Really?

Yeah. In every way. Let�s pop that cherry.

OK. So, as soon as that�s finished printing, we�ll head back to the Winny

and brainstorm what we�ve got. - OK, sounds like a plan.

You know, Casper really didn�t mean what he said back there.

He was just venting. - N0, I know. The poor guy.

He�s already lost his mother and his grandfather tonight.

Yeah...

What about Casper�s dad?

Oh, God. He died right in front of him when Casper was a kid.

Yeah, it happened right at the Occult Barn.

Hence Casper�s jumpiness in life and his sheer terror towards his grandfather�s shop.

Oh, wow. That explains a lot.

Is that a crow? Or an eagle?

Oh, man. Radio.

Radio will calm me down.

Everybody�s dead! They�re all dead! - Nope! No. Ooh.

Hey. How are you holding up? Patrick and everything.

You know, I�ve been trying to find a way to break up with him for so long.

ljust... I never imagined it would be so horrific.

Oh God.

Ah! Let�s get out of here before something horrific happens to us!

OK. I�ll grab the papers.

I�ll watch the door.

Oh yeah. Voila. A toad heart.

It�s so tiny. - I know. Alright.

Thank you.

You are humongous.

Josh?

Oh, man.

What a surprise, Mr. Galloway.

Doodling away in an unauthorized parking zone.

Professor Duffy, what are you doing here?

I�m here marking papers. And I couldn�t help but notice that yours still wasn�t in the piles.

You�re in serious danger, OK? You need to...

You need to go home, lock your doors, lock your windows, hide your dog...

Is this another feeble excuse as to why you haven�t handed in your assignment?

No, sir.

Good. Because I will fail you.

Hey, look at me when | talk to you.

Trust me, you don�t... you don�t want that.

I said look at me. I am your elder,

even though I do look good for my age, granted.

I will never look at you. I will never, ever look at you.

Are you on the weed, boy?

No! It�s just weed, not the weed!

Why do all you old people have to say that?

Good. Now ljust want you to move this vehicle

to an authorized parking zone.

Sir? Listen, I�m going to need you to think happy thoughts, OK?

Will do. Gotta go, not sure where, but I�m leaving!

N0! N0, Duffy! Wait!

Let me handle this. It�s time to seduce and enslave.

Hey, Joshy. Happy zemon day to you,

boop-bee-doo.

Pucker up, big boy.

I�m not sure this is a good idea.

It�s working. - Is it?

It�s working.

OK, touch your nose.

OK, nowjump up and down.

A zemon slave!

Oh my God, that�s so cute. OK, now stop. Now give me a back rub.

Well...

This is reminding me of that night. Remember that night?

My dad... Oh, he left for the weekend, and... Oh, your hands!

I�ll never forget your hands, Josh. Oh yeah, yeah.

You know how I like it, baby. Yes! Yes!

Don�t look at me like that.

OK, give me a break. Out of the way! Hey, Joshy.

Time to hit the showers, big boy.

Why�d you do that, Seth? He could have totally been our slave.

I�m not going to let no zemon slave mack on my girl.

Who said I�m your girl?

Keep thinking those happy thoughts, Duffy.

Zemon time. Oh, God.

Eat this, Duffy! I�m in neutral! Ah!

Gah! Kill it!

Oh my God, this is so gross!

Did I do it?

I totally seduced a football zemon and made him my slave.

Really?

Oh, God! Casper!

Is that Professor Duffy?

Yeah. He didn�t make it. I know this looks bad.

And I�m not going to lie: it is.

But I did successfully save the Winnebago.

Also, I�m really sorry about what I said earlier. I didn�t mean it.

We�re all in this together, and-- and, without you guys,

I definitely wouldn�t have made it this far tonight, so thanks.

Oh, guh. Was I holding that the whole time?

Casper, you have a little brain on your face.

Brain? Where? Here?

It�s pretty big.

Yeah, it�s all over.

There�s a little more.

Hail Mary, guys!

Where�s Dazzle? - Where is he?

RazzIe-dazzle, baby! Go, go!

You were right, Casp. The school is infested.

Did you pull a groin or something?

What?

Your groin. Did you pull it?

No. No, just... I�m just a little winded.

OK. - I�m going to go take a rest.

I am so tired now.

Zemons look sexy sometimes.

Ew, Seth. - Is that wrong?

Yeah. - Really, Seth?

OK, let�s see what we�ve got.

This is everything we could find on Gilbert Galloway.

Hey, check out this old photo, Casp. It looks like you.

We even know where he�s buried, but that�s all we could dig up.

Dig up. Dig up, that�s it. - What?

The missing element: a pocket watch. He�s got his very own timepiece.

And?

And Gramps said something about my great-grandfather before he died,

something about... I don�t know. It seemed like gibberish, but it�s not.

You said he�s buried? - Yeah.

Exactly. He�s buried with the pocket watch. That�s what my gramps was trying to tell me.

We�ve got to go dig up my great-grandfather.

Like, literally, tonight, with shovels.

Really? - Where to?

Dagger Cliff Cemetery.

Step on it, Seth.

A cemetery in the middle of a zemon curse. That�s comforting.

Hey, Dazz, what are you doing?

I�m taking in the scenery! What�s it look like?

It looks like you�re about to jump out the window.

Yeah! Jump I shall!

No! Razzle! Don�t even think about it, Dazz! Ah! Ah! Let me go!

Don�t do it!

Dazz, what the hell are you doing?

Oh. OK. OK. My skull adventure didn�t go so smooth.

There were zemons everywhere. And the skull wasn�t where it was supposed to be.

Finally, I found these zemons playing football,

using the skull as a ball.

The zemon QB saw me and hurled the ball.

I caught it, and ljust started running.

What�s not so smooth about that?

I got greedy, Becky.

Zemon Tiffany was watching, really into my catch.

Then I remembered the whole seducing thing, so I decided

I�d give it a shot. I thought I was in control,

but then she was seducing me!

Her tongue started going all crazy and shit, and then BAM!

She gave me a dickey! And l was like, Damn, zemon Tiffany!

You just gave me a dickey!

Wait. A dickey?

Yeah. A click hickey.

Right. Continue.

So I grabbed the bitch by her titties, and I threw her

as far as I could. I called it my titty toss.

Zemons started chasing me, and, well, you know the rest.

Now all I can think about is killing myself.

No! No! Stop, Dazz! Stop it right now!

You stop that!

I told you I can�t help it. Guys, suddenly I got really scared.

Don�t worry, Dazz. We�re not going to let you kill yourself.

OK. OK. Hey, is there any ointment in here? My dick is burning real bad.

Skull. - Check.

Toad heart. - Check.

Urn. - Check

Ashes. - Check.

Guys, there�s only one element left.

If you were to tell me we�d be digging up my great-grandfather today, I...

I can�t believe Gramps is actually gone.

Your grandpa really believed in you. And I do, too.

You do?

Yeah. I think you�re really special.

Hey, Lucy? I need you to forgive me.

For what? - For this.

ljust can�t help myself, girl! RazzIe-dazzle, baby!

Suicidal maniac incoming!

He�s going for the axe! - Duck!

Whoa. ljust clocked my best friend in the face with a shovel.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Dazz hit me over the head. I think I�m bleeding.

Whoa. What the hell? - Ah! I swear I�m bleeding!

Guys? | just hit the casket.

Guys, I�d like to announce that I�m officially no longer hungry.

Be quiet.

Gilbert? It�s your great-grandson.

I�m sorry we�re meeting under such uncomfortable circumstances.

Oh! Oh! It�s the watch. The pocket watch!

Yes!

Wait. Wait.

Bu??

Is that supposed to be a poem?

Stand back, everyone. Looks like another job for the zemon seducer.

Hey there, zemon Burty.

Stop that!

Lucy!

You stop that right now. You should be ashamed of yourself,

just waltzing in here, giving Lucy, of all girls, a hickey,

and then just screaming and acting like a simpleton.

It didn�t work.

You did really good. That was actually really...

Yeah?

Yeah. You had an impressive move going in. It was really good.

I tried really hard. - You did great.

Burt, listen. I�m going through a lot right now, and, if you really love me,

I need you to just give me some space.

No! No. Flowers.

I know what they are. | just... I�m going to need you to just go.

Please. Just go away.

I think I�m going to go now, Seth.

No. No, no. Don�t go. Lucy...

We�ll always have the toad heart.

Don�t say that, Lucy. You�re going to be fine, you hear?

It was so tiny.

Seth? Seth, we have to go.

You can do what you want, but I�m going to stay here forever.

Seth, she�s going to turn into a zemon.

It�s not Lucy anymore, OK? - Sure it is. Hi, Lucy. Hi.

Seth... Oh my... N0. - Wait.

I learned from the best. Pucker up, hot lips.

Time to seduce and enslave. I�m going in!

Oh God.

And that�s gross.

Yeah, yeah. It�s working. I think it�s working.

Raise your hand.

It worked.

My very own zemon slave. Guys. Guys, check it out.

I�d like to introduce you to my new main squeezeroo:

Zemon Slave Lucy. I think we�re going steady.

That�s real sweet, but can we go now?

Guys? Where�s Dazz?

He�s up in the tree with the bees.

Not the bees, Dazz! You�re allergic.

You�re allergic to bees!

Deathly allergic. But I already told you:

I can�t help myself.

Ah! Ah! Why? Why the bees? My eyes! Ack, my nose! Oh, my nose!

Man, my ears! Ack! Anything but the bees! The bees!

Bees! Bees!

Casper. Promise me one thing.

Anything, Dazz.

Promise me you�ll post that shit.

I promise.

We�ve got to go, guys. The sun�s almost up.

If we don�t hurry, we�re going to be cursed for eternity.

We have to deal with Dazz, Casper. I mean, he knows the plan, and,

when he turns into a zemon, he�ll do anything to stop us.

I can try and seduce him.

It�s too risky and it�s disgusting.

Thank... Yes, thank God you said that.

It would be very awkward, and socially irr... Thank you.

You know what? Just go to the Winnebago and ready the elements.

I�ll take care of Dazz. - Are you sure?

Yeah. - OK.

Shut the curtains. Really set the mood.

Yeah, it�s good for the s�ance, guys. Good.

It�s like Curse-Reverse 101.

Thanks for saving me from Gramps, Dazz. You did the right thing.

Alright. In you go.

That should hold you.

Alright.

Everything�s all set.

Alright. I took care of it. - OK.

80, according to the book, we have to put all of the elements inside of the urn

and seal it with the skull. - Where�s the urn?

The urn? Uh, Lucy had it last, right?

Oh, God. It�s what Dazz broke over her head!

It�s in a million pieces on the ground.

We don�t have an urn?

Well, what now?

Seth, you were right? - I was?

You never know when you�re going to need a hotdog mug.

A Wiener urn!

Alright, everyone grab an item.

First, we�re going to need the ashes. - Yes. Got it.

OK. Then followed by the toad heart.

Next, we need the pocket watch to reverse the hands of time.

Got it.

And, finally, the human skull to seal the urn.

OK. Cork it up, Casp. - Got it?

Guess this is it. Please work, Mr. Hotdog Mug Urn.

Did it work?

Of course it did! It totally did!

Guys, Lucy�s still a zemon.

Yes.

We don�t have time for this! What are we supposed to do?

Well, wait! Wait! Wait, something else is burning into the book.

What?

It�s an asterisk. - Oh, I hate those things!

What does it say?

OK, To reverse the curse and release your strife,

one of the cursed must...

Must what? What do we have to do?

What?

...must sacrifice your own life.

Wait, one of us has to kill ourselves?

Yeah.

This is crazy. There�s got to be something.

We�re running out of time. - There�s got to be something.

Wait, Casper!

Dawn�s almost here.

I�m doing it! - N0.

We�re running out of time, and I was the one who got us into this mess in the first place.

Casper, we�re all to blame. I�m not letting you do this.

l have to.

Casper, no.

Everything�s going to be fine, OK? I promise. Please.

Seth, you take care of the ladies, and my best to you and Lucy.

Thanks. - I know.

Here. It�s something to remember me by.

It was great getting to know you tonight.

Is this me?

It�s supposed to be cute, not weird.

It�s perfect.

Thanks.

Three minutes.

Casper. You�re going to kill yourself with a rolling pin?

Right.

Crossbow? - Have you got any better ideas, Seth?

Right. That�ll work. - It�s really going to work.

It�s going to be great.

Patrick? Look out!

Becky! No! Becky, what are you doing?

Patrick?

Lucy! You take care of Becky, Casper. I�m going to take care of the Paddy wagon.

Patrick, look! Look, there�s a hot girl inside!

No! No!

Becky. Becky, no.

Ah! Becky. Please wait.

It�s OK, Casper.

I can�t do this, Becky. Don�t leave me.

Go out with a bang, Caspy.

I love you.

Please.

It�s OK.

Casper, look out!

The grenade!

No! No! Get away from me!

Give you a hickey!

Stop it!

How�s this for a threesome, Patrick? One! Two! Three!

Casper, catch!

I need you to let go, Dazzle. Come on, man. Please.

Oh, man. Help me out, brother!

I know you�re in there somewhere, Dazzle. Please.

Just one last time. Please. One last time.

Boom goes the zemon.

Casper? Casper. Wake up. I�m here.

Casper? Casper.

Hi, Casper. - You did it.

We�re alive, man. - We�re not dead?

You�re a hero, man.

Where are all the zemons?

They�re gone.

You did it, Casp, man. You saved the day.

That�s nice. - I�m so proud of you, Casper.

The pictures are gone.

Yeah. Casp, everything�s back to normal. Nothing�s changed.

Almost nothing. - Really?

Yeah, whatever.

Now you�ve got your story for Duffy, Casp.

Oh, Casper, sweetie, you looked so handsome walking across that stage.

Thanks. - Your father would be so proud.

Thanks, Ma. - Big news, guys.

I�m expanding my online mug empire,

and ljust brought on a brand-new partner.

I�m responsible for giving the web layout a more seductive touch.

Yes you are.

And here you are, Mr. Galloway. Yes, I would have given you an �A�,

| just found the whole zemon thing a little far-fetched,

though I did love the bit with the exhaust pipe. Wonderful and charming.

Good luck. You�re my 38th-favourite student.

Thank you, Duffy. - Good luck with your future.

Mrs. Galloway, would you mind taking a photo?

Oh, I would love to. - Thank you.

Oh, wait for me!

Sorry, guys. I was just getting a dickey.

Say meatballs!

Meatballs!

Lock and load. - Let me get my skirt.

You ready? - Yes. Alright.

Oh. Casper, check it out.

Listen, ladies. The Paddy wagon isn�t into threesomes anymore,

so let�s say you grab a friend, and we go four-way all the way.

What a loser. - I know.

Dodged a bullet there.

Yes. - Let�s go.

Let�s go! Yeah!

Heya, kiddos! How you doing? Sorry I couldn�t make it.

I didn�t have anybody to watch the shop.

That�s actually why we�re here.

Now that we�re graduates, we were hoping

that we could be faithful employees of the Occult Barn.

Really?

You two will watch the shop?

We have to pay for our new place somehow.

It�s a big place.

Oh, that�s great news.

Oh, yeah!

Stand back!

Heads up!

Hey. Where are you going?

Vacation! I�ve waited 50 years for this! You remember the ground rules?

Don�t close during open hours, lock up when you leave,

and don�t come within spitting distance of the urn.

And?

And your prize trophy.

You got it. Aloha, kiddos. I�ll send you a postcard. Ha!

Well, he sure looks happy.

He�s not the only one.

You trying to give me a hickey?

Ah! Oh, oh, we�re so dead.