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1
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Antidepressants, anti -bullying, the
acceptance of diversity, people staring
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00:00:05,420 --> 00:00:07,740
their phones instead of realizing how
meaningless life is.
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00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,120
Suicides are way down, gentlemen. And
now, this.
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00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:12,920
You know who this is?
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00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,040
Yes.
6
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Who is it?
7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,820
I don't know. Dr. Paul McGibian. Oh, is
that that weird assisted suicide guy?
8
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,180
Oh, yeah, the guy's so metal!
9
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Yeah, but that son of a bitch hasn't
sent me any suicide in months.
10
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Maybe they're just angels up in sweet,
sweet heaven. Gary, suicide is a sin.
11
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,960
have you been down here this long and
you don't know that? Here. Okay. All
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00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:39,160
right. You can boil a child in a bucket
full of breast milk. Yeah, that's a sin,
13
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,720
of course. But you can't wear polyester?
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We're covered in polyester. That's why.
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Listen, I want you two to go topside.
Fine, I'm going to give in, all right? I
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00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,640
want that suicide train running again.
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00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,540
You got it. Tell me, can we use the
corporate card for this? Yeah, knock
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00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:53,539
yourselves out.
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00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,020
Um, think about the corporate account.
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00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:58,200
Do you remember how you spent that week,
kind of like, exploding my bottom with
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a bunch of lightning bolts, and then it
set my pants on fire, and then you
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ripped off my pants, and then shoved
them up my ass, and then set me on fire?
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00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:07,360
wallet was in those pants, and so my
card got demagnetized. So can I get some
24
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:13,160
petty cash for that, or can I... I don't
have money!
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Thank you for coming.
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I'm just happy to know I can...
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Get to see each of you all one more time
before I join my maker up in heaven.
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Oh, excuse me. Thank you.
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Thank you.
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00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:40,960
Do you mind, like, spreading this out on
a chair?
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Don't mind me? You can keep on going
with your poetry and your final
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I've just got to spread this out.
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Hello.
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00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:54,330
Who are these two handsome devils? Hey,
I'm Claude. I emailed you.
35
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Shouldn't you be inside working?
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Ah, watch.
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Watch. All this taken care of.
38
00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:05,050
You knew I was supposed to be injected
with sodium pentothal.
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00:02:05,770 --> 00:02:08,949
But I told Dr. Nick Gibby and I was
deathly afraid of needles.
40
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:15,170
Please stop banging those pots, cooking,
whatever you're doing.
41
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,680
Amen.
42
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,840
What's he spraying? Is that acid?
43
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It's holy water.
44
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Hammerman's Episcopalian.
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Oh, my God, he's coming his way. He's
coming his way.
46
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Yeah.
47
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:10,820
Very dignified ceremony, Hammerman. Now,
you go
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00:03:10,820 --> 00:03:13,760
evade the cops. I'll see you back at the
office, okay?
49
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,660
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
50
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:19,180
Yeah, Hammerman murder, so it's not a
suicide.
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They can go to heaven, their suffering's
over. Everybody wins.
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Satan wants me to get back to the
assisted suicides. I mean, what was so
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about the injections with drain cleaner?
Hammerman can't work a hypodermic. Have
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00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:32,830
you seen his hammer hand?
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I like your hat.
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Thank you.
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00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:54,070
Who are you, sir?
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Dude? Bro?
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Yeah, you. Leather jacket?
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It's time for you to see the doctor.
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00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:01,310
You don't look good, man.
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Nice tubes.
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Yeah, they keep me alive.
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00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,410
Right this way.
65
00:04:11,670 --> 00:04:13,570
You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be
fine. You're gonna be fine. Alright?
66
00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:14,790
You're gonna be fine.
67
00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:17,570
Sorry,
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buddy.
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Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I need to be more careful with needles.
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I'm so clumsy. Fine.
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Nice to meet you.
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I'm Gary.
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Hi, I'm Jenny.
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He stole my nose, too.
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Sorry.
76
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:41,380
Stopped feeling very good today.
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Guess we're a couple of cancer twins.
78
00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,440
I'm just glad that they found a way to
end our suffering.
79
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And it's not a sin.
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You didn't read page seven.
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Death by Episcopalian hammer robot.
82
00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:04,500
You start snapping your bones and
mashing your brains and just going... I
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00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:10,420
gave him free will and he's chosen to
become obsessed with me.
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00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,220
Did you happen to give him an off
switch?
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Why don't you and I go to bed and talk
about it, huh?
86
00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:20,350
Yeah, does my boldness unnerve you?
87
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Um, honestly, it does. Hammerman's very
jealous we mustn't be seen together.
88
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See you do what?
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Hammerman! You promised me you would
make me more human, and you programmed
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00:05:32,570 --> 00:05:36,110
to love you, but you gave me hammers for
hands. Not in front of the guest.
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00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:40,600
No, no. You have not touched my rubber
vagina in March. Why don't you go
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00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:41,539
us our dinner?
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00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:45,340
Huh? Yeah, he loves to beat the veal
with his hammer hands.
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Go, go. Can I ask why you gave a hammer
man a vagina?
95
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,680
Well, it's in the ass.
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00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,300
The vagina's in the butt.
97
00:05:53,780 --> 00:05:56,900
Yeah. Gary, should I do this?
98
00:05:57,860 --> 00:06:00,680
If I learn anything from my time in
Iraq, it's that life is short.
99
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:03,440
You ever see that movie, The Bucket
List?
100
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:07,910
I have... always wanted to go camping
and then watch a sunrise.
101
00:06:08,390 --> 00:06:11,990
No, not that. No, we should do the
bucket list from the bucket list. You
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00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:13,750
what I mean, when they're driving their
motorcycles down the Great Wall of
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China? Oh! Do Jack Nicholson at that
scene where he reconnects with his
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daughter. Oh, that would be fun. That's
fun. You know what? You're right. We
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only get one go -around at this life. We
should grab it by the horns.
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Yeah. And leave good -looking corpses
along the way. Oh, yeah. Is this hot? Do
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00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:30,550
you like it?
108
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:31,680
Sort of. Oh.
109
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,220
Gary, what the hell are you doing?
110
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,260
Jenny and I are taking a lap of the
horse. So you're just going to ignore
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00:06:38,260 --> 00:06:42,280
Satan told us to do? No, no. Satan wants
to hold. I'm going to get him a whole
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00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,280
lot.
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I was really hoping that we would swim
with the dolphins today, but it doesn't
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look like that's going to happen. Grab a
spoon. Come on. Be gluttonous. And then
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we can call your parents up and tell
them to go f*** themselves.
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Yeah, we'll disrespect thy mother and
father. What are you doing? No, no, no,
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no, no, no.
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Leviticus list of sins?
119
00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:04,460
Gary, you know I'm a Baptist.
120
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,380
I don't want to do anything on this
list.
121
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,580
You're right. What am I doing? I'm being
selfish.
122
00:07:11,820 --> 00:07:12,840
What do you want to do?
123
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:18,040
I have always wanted to get an old
-timey mustache on my finger, you know,
124
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:19,260
photos I can be like...
125
00:07:19,630 --> 00:07:20,630
Hello, Governor.
126
00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:23,030
Let's do that. And then maybe go to a
butterfly farm.
127
00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:27,870
They have those? We could go ride a
roller coaster like five times in a row.
128
00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:31,230
don't know. What if instead you handle
cookware while menstruating?
129
00:07:36,550 --> 00:07:39,990
We need to figure out how to stop your
robot from murdering.
130
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,030
That's his whole identity.
131
00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:43,510
Okay.
132
00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:48,990
I'm already planning to break up with
her. If he loses his job, too, he's
133
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:52,270
to have nothing left. Just tell me how
to shut him off.
134
00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:56,430
His off switch is under his left armpit.
Yeah, just there.
135
00:08:00,850 --> 00:08:05,450
Left the top.
136
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:09,190
I cooked the cutlet just how you like.
137
00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:14,220
But I suppose you two are more
interested in a clingy tongue and fleshy
138
00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:15,220
alien.
139
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,680
Hammerman, it's not like that. It's not
what you think. We wanted to bring you
140
00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,880
in on who's up for a threesome. Show of
hands.
141
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:27,100
Raise your hands high if you want to
have sex with me and the doctor.
142
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:35,980
Do I turn you on, Hammerman? Or do I
143
00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:37,360
turn you on?
144
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:39,640
No, stop.
145
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,240
You whole wrecking bitch. No.
146
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,100
Stop that now.
147
00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:47,240
I hope you have a great life together.
148
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,040
Where are you going?
149
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,060
No, no, not the wall.
150
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,320
Not the wall.
151
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:56,460
There it is.
152
00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:01,100
We've done so much over the past two
days, Gary.
153
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,080
I've grown really close to you.
154
00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:07,320
Governor?
155
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:09,600
Ditto, Jenny.
156
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:11,140
Ditto.
157
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:16,920
You brought a goat all the way up here?
158
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:18,359
Uh, yeah.
159
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:23,300
I love fresh goat's milk. Straight from
the teat. And I love milking it. You
160
00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:26,140
should try it. I'm going to guide your
hand so you can milk him. Him?
161
00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:27,760
I'm sorry, it's a her.
162
00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:29,460
It's just big for a lady.
163
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:30,800
Oh, okay.
164
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:33,640
This feels weird.
165
00:09:34,730 --> 00:09:38,470
milk come out yet? It sometimes takes up
to 45 minutes. You can switch hands.
166
00:09:38,670 --> 00:09:45,630
Okay, yeah, my hand's going to get
pretty tired. I didn't
167
00:09:45,630 --> 00:09:48,050
think anyone would ever love me looking
like this.
168
00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:50,770
I didn't think anyone could love me
looking like this.
169
00:09:53,130 --> 00:09:57,310
No, no, no, no, no. I'm still hot. I'm
still hot. See?
170
00:09:57,990 --> 00:10:01,330
It's just a hallucination brought on by
your brain cancer or some dumb shit.
171
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,290
Actually, it's...
172
00:10:03,910 --> 00:10:06,550
Ovarian. Is there something you need to
tell me, Garrett?
173
00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:08,850
Whoa! What are you doing?
174
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:13,690
My boyfriend was cheating on me, so I am
trying to lose myself in my word.
175
00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:16,530
Danny, don't you die at me. You touched
his goat penis first.
176
00:10:16,770 --> 00:10:17,770
I am worthless.
177
00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:20,390
No one loves me and begs me.
178
00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:26,350
I was up there working, Claude. I wasn't
trying to break off a piece inside Dr.
179
00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:30,450
Nick Gibbion. At least I don't get off
on watching my girlfriend jerk off a
180
00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:34,190
goat. I was trying to get her to commit
sodomy so that she could be down here
181
00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:37,270
with me. Why didn't you just have her
give you a blowjob?
182
00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:41,390
Blowjob? Since when is blowjobs a sin?
183
00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:43,670
Even if you're married?
184
00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:44,950
Big time.
185
00:10:44,970 --> 00:10:45,970
So,
186
00:10:46,450 --> 00:10:51,270
tricking a devout Christian girl into
touching a goat's dick is not a sin, but
187
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:55,950
you shall not print or tattoo any marks
upon you, govna.
188
00:10:57,670 --> 00:10:58,670
Coming up, Gary.
189
00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:00,910
I'm going to go see you about a girl.
190
00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:02,930
Jenny.
191
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,830
Jenny.
192
00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:07,010
Jenny.
193
00:11:07,590 --> 00:11:08,590
Jenny.
194
00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:10,650
Hello, governor.
195
00:11:11,730 --> 00:11:13,110
I want to have souls.
15763
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