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1
00:00:01,180 --> 00:00:06,240
Dolphins are man's best friend, not
dogs.
2
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:14,100
You're killing the coral reefs with bad
chem -chemicals. Uh,
3
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:18,320
don't quote me, but I think you want U
apostrophe R -E on that, Ted. It's not
4
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:22,680
the possessive. Then you're beeswax,
Cliff. It's one R in coral, too. You're
5
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:23,680
spelling it corral.
6
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,660
What, are you trying to save a dude
ranch or something?
7
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:28,000
It's about saving the reef. Okay.
8
00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:29,600
Hey, Ted. What's up? Gary!
9
00:00:30,570 --> 00:00:33,870
You got any white out? No, I do not.
Satan wants you in the conference room.
10
00:00:33,870 --> 00:00:34,870
you not get the email?
11
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:39,330
Are you kidding? He doesn't read emails,
Gary. He doesn't even have an email
12
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:42,490
account. You don't tell me what to do.
Did you grab your buddy Cliff there?
13
00:00:42,650 --> 00:00:45,010
Because Satan wants him there too, so...
I don't trust him.
14
00:00:45,890 --> 00:00:47,190
He's not a regular man.
15
00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:49,310
I don't care.
16
00:00:52,370 --> 00:00:58,170
And here he is.
17
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:05,260
Listen,
18
00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:09,460
I know you hate attention and you crave
your privacy, so we're going to give you
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00:01:09,460 --> 00:01:11,120
lots of attention and take away your
privacy.
20
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:13,120
We have a roast of Ted's honor,
gentlemen.
21
00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:19,000
Does anybody recognize this?
22
00:01:20,260 --> 00:01:21,780
That's the tree huger bomber.
23
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,040
He was bombing people who made trees
huger.
24
00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:30,810
Tree hugger. No, no, that's correct,
Gary. This was the tree huger bomber,
25
00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:34,390
semi -literate echo terrorist from the
80s. The one and only Ted!
26
00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,090
Yes! Ted!
27
00:01:36,890 --> 00:01:39,630
Ted! Ted! Yeah, you saw it!
28
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I put together a little highlight reel
of Ted's important environmental work
29
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the trees and the birds and the dolphins
and the flowers. Watch this!
30
00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:49,770
Yo! Ho!
31
00:01:50,390 --> 00:01:52,550
You're killing the turtles.
32
00:01:53,340 --> 00:01:55,460
Your? Like in days of yours?
33
00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:57,060
We don't have any turtles.
34
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:05,780
Now you're not big into swimming, but to
you it's to get in the water with one
35
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,960
of them dolphins and swim around with
them a little bit.
36
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:10,340
I tell you, you love them just like I
love them.
37
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:18,940
He's the only one that truly understands
me.
38
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,080
I can talk to you about my theories.
39
00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:26,210
Wait, Angela, you're a married woman.
40
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:31,050
Oh, no, no.
41
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,760
and a homemade acorn pie.
42
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:06,080
But no wonder the FBI had never found
you,
43
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:07,760
Ted. Who'd want to go in that dump?
44
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:12,560
All right, listen, I got Ted a little
present here.
45
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,000
We know how much you love animals.
46
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That's your paperweight. So we put a
little dolphin head in there.
47
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:37,120
2 ,162 pages of Ted's Manifesto. I hope
you can read the fine print!
48
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:42,460
And that's my only copy!
49
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:49,100
I have a two million dollar bounty on my
head. How much are you nerds worth,
50
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,220
huh? Vilch, probably.
51
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:53,100
Nerds!
52
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You bitch!
53
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,200
Well,
54
00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,700
good party, guys. Yeah, Gary.
55
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,980
On the invitation, you said there would
be cake, that the cake would not be made
56
00:04:02,980 --> 00:04:04,040
out of manure or bugs.
57
00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:07,200
There would be chocolate inside of the
cake. Yeah, it does have a little
58
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,040
chocolate holding the manure and the
bugs together.
59
00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,200
I'm a
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00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:27,880
police
61
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,120
siren. Really?
62
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:30,940
Has anyone seen Ted?
63
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,780
No, not since the roast.
64
00:04:33,020 --> 00:04:37,340
I think we may have been a little bit
hard on him. There he is. Ted, my man.
65
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,000
I get that a lot. Different Ted.
66
00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:41,840
Benji?
67
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,520
Yeah.
68
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:44,960
Troy.
69
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,440
Oh, look at this. There's one for Gary?
70
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You know me, Ted.
71
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,460
That must be pretty popular.
72
00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:55,900
Should open those suckers up. Come on,
Ted. We're sorry about the joke.
73
00:04:56,340 --> 00:04:57,960
Plus, we know these are bots.
74
00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,380
Mine is a...
75
00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:03,430
pile of bat turds with a timer. That's
so funny because those mines. You try
76
00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:05,470
finding fertilizer in hell.
77
00:05:05,690 --> 00:05:06,690
No, that's not funny.
78
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:08,890
I did.
79
00:05:09,430 --> 00:05:10,369
Oh, no.
80
00:05:10,370 --> 00:05:11,510
Mine's going to blow up.
81
00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:13,450
Ted.
82
00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:19,930
I'm all alone down here.
83
00:05:22,550 --> 00:05:23,630
You're not alone, Ted.
84
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:28,350
I read your manifesto and I think you
had a lot of good ideas in there.
85
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,800
Not the stuff about blowing up
computers, of course.
86
00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:33,140
What does it matter? Satan shredded it
anyway.
87
00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,580
I scanned it. It's right here.
88
00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:36,820
In my belly!
89
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,080
And I can spell check it for you, too.
90
00:05:40,820 --> 00:05:41,900
You'd do that for me?
91
00:05:42,140 --> 00:05:43,140
Of course I would.
92
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,340
What are friends for?
93
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,200
I do have friends.
94
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:55,240
That's not how you spell bomb -making
spilling.
95
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,740
Technology's not so scary after all, is
it?
96
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:04,040
See? Bad guano will explode, if you know
how to mix it.
97
00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:06,960
It's a label template with stickers.
98
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,300
Now doesn't that look more professional?
99
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,620
Up top! I think people are going to be
really impressed today.
100
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,780
Thanks, Percy!
101
00:06:21,550 --> 00:06:23,270
Now this is how you address a package.
102
00:06:23,810 --> 00:06:25,670
Ted could really learn from whoever did
this.
103
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,930
Does that package smell like batshit?
104
00:06:29,850 --> 00:06:31,770
Oh yeah.
105
00:06:32,370 --> 00:06:33,370
Don't open it!
106
00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:35,550
Now you know what? You should open it!
107
00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,090
Don't you yell at me.
108
00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,350
And where are your arms? You idiot.
109
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:40,610
You look dumb.
110
00:06:41,170 --> 00:06:43,710
I may have already won, and I like those
asses.
111
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,660
Moses? What's that prick want?
112
00:06:58,300 --> 00:06:59,320
He opened it!
113
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:00,960
He got the message!
114
00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:05,200
Holy moly! I may have killed Satan.
115
00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:07,620
It's getting hot.
116
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:08,840
We gotta lay low.
117
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,680
Or lay high. Top side. Up top. Know what
I mean?
118
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:16,860
Earth? Well, your body's still up there,
Ted. Frozen in that shack. If we can
119
00:07:16,860 --> 00:07:20,720
get your soul back up into your body,
there's no limit to the number of people
120
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:21,699
we can explode.
121
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:22,700
You're right.
122
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,400
Let's blow this popsicle stand.
123
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:27,360
Oh, wait.
124
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:28,520
We already did.
125
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,400
She's talking about hell. I know. I got
what you were talking about.
126
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:40,360
Just like I remember it. One room, but
it's roomy. Real roomy.
127
00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:43,500
Angela, you waited.
128
00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:46,160
My tap shoes.
129
00:07:47,140 --> 00:07:48,660
Right there on my dead body.
130
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,420
Hey, try it on. Let's see how it looks.
131
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:10,010
Hey, you look really good. I know we
don't have electricity in here, but...
132
00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:13,970
Cliff, we'll get you a phone, get you Wi
-Fi.
133
00:08:14,410 --> 00:08:15,570
We're going to start bombing people.
134
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:19,310
Like you taught me, more professional,
you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Turn around,
135
00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:21,610
dude. Let's see those legs working, huh?
136
00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:24,510
Yeah. You and me, man. We're going to do
it.
137
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:30,890
Yeah, FBI, please. Yeah, I have a tip on
the tree huger bomber.
138
00:08:31,150 --> 00:08:33,169
Yeah, is that $2 million reward still
available?
139
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:39,100
For my last meal, I'd like one freshly
baked acorn.
140
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:48,420
Two million dollars worth of cocaine and
hookers. Boom. Gone. I had never tried
141
00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:51,000
alcohol before. Can you believe that?
It's amazing.
142
00:08:51,780 --> 00:08:54,100
But all the solders came loose on my
motherboard.
143
00:08:54,380 --> 00:08:56,600
Burned up my hard drive. I really did.
144
00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:59,660
That's what happens when you're bumping
and grinding, you know.
145
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,280
Vegas, baby.
146
00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:04,050
Yeah, sounds like you had a real wild
time.
147
00:09:04,430 --> 00:09:07,070
I did. I very much did. Are you getting
this or what?
148
00:09:07,770 --> 00:09:08,770
Getting what?
149
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:13,710
The document I'm sending to you. Hey,
Ted. Troy, have a moment with your
150
00:09:13,710 --> 00:09:18,130
computer? Hey, sorry about the shack,
man. My CD -ROM 5 is all wonky. I'm
151
00:09:18,130 --> 00:09:20,370
to gouge your eyes out.
152
00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:22,550
Hey, Ted.
153
00:09:23,470 --> 00:09:26,330
Welcome back, buddy. Come with me. I got
a new job for you.
154
00:09:30,060 --> 00:09:31,060
You don't have the balls.
155
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:34,460
New department I've started, Ted.
156
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,500
And I want you to run it for me.
157
00:09:37,860 --> 00:09:41,940
Yep. So what you have to do is you take
a hook and you slam it into the
158
00:09:41,940 --> 00:09:45,680
blowhole. Take this and you cut off the
schnapps. Pretty quick.
159
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,980
They're going to be making lots of...
But trust me, they're not giggling.
160
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,019
They're in a lot of pain.
161
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:54,080
Get 50 of them done by the end of the
day today and then we'll work our way
162
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,160
All right?
163
00:09:58,990 --> 00:10:01,630
Don't make it hard on yourself. I don't
want to do it. I know.
164
00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:03,330
I
165
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:10,310
can't cut your
166
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,249
nose off?
167
00:10:11,250 --> 00:10:15,670
God, you sleek, beautiful, genius of the
sea.
168
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,330
Need a little help?
169
00:10:24,630 --> 00:10:28,250
Cut it? Ted, man, welcome back, brother.
We missed you.
170
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:29,600
What's all this stuff?
171
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:33,400
We knew you didn't want to cut off the
noses of those dolphins, so we're going
172
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,400
to do it for you.
173
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:39,500
Guys! Satan never said anything about
not sewing those snouts back on.
174
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:44,580
So what I brought was a little bit of
sewing thread and a needle and some
175
00:10:44,580 --> 00:10:47,940
antiseptic. And what we'll do is we'll
sew the snouts back on their bodies.
176
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,280
They'll be out in the ocean dancing and
singing for the rest of their lives,
177
00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:55,560
naturally. Don't sew the snouts back on.
No, we definitely won't do that.
178
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,320
Want those dolphins to bleed out.
179
00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:02,960
Man, his hearing has gotten, like, way
better. Can I just have some of the
180
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,380
water? No. No water.
181
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,280
Bit it.
182
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,280
Anyway. Sorry, dude.
183
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:14,680
See you guys.
184
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:15,760
Probably not.
14342
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