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1
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I don't know why I'm laughing.
2
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:48,560
I've got a sore head.
3
00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,120
Oh, think of my mother.
4
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,660
Oh, look at that.
5
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,240
I've been getting these terrible bad
dreams.
6
00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:09,030
I dreamt the other night I was plucking
a chicken.
7
00:01:11,090 --> 00:01:13,990
And I woke up next morning and the wife
was bored.
8
00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:20,170
Oh, dear.
9
00:01:23,230 --> 00:01:24,850
What a wonderful day it's been, hasn't
it?
10
00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,770
It's been 70 degrees in the shade.
11
00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:29,070
I was clever, I stayed in the sun.
12
00:01:32,690 --> 00:01:35,810
I did a little bit of sunbathing. I was
lying out there today.
13
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,880
A little boy crept across me and he put
something all over my back.
14
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:41,660
He said, this will make you brown.
15
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,140
I said, what is it? He said, gravy.
16
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:46,460
That's the thing about it.
17
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:53,880
I feel like I fell off a wedding cake.
18
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:04,420
When you walk through the storm... Keep
your
19
00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:05,420
head up high.
20
00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:07,730
I did that.
21
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,150
And I fell in a puddle.
22
00:02:13,530 --> 00:02:15,290
I played golf the other day.
23
00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,590
Got a hole in one. The other sock was
perfect.
24
00:02:21,870 --> 00:02:24,070
And I'm standing there with a golf club
like that.
25
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:34,650
I'm standing there like that, see?
26
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,340
And they said, keep your eye on the
ball.
27
00:02:41,140 --> 00:02:43,280
Keep your eye on it. That's what they
tell you. Keep your eye on the ball.
28
00:02:44,660 --> 00:02:46,980
And I locked up, and somebody pinched a
trolley.
29
00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:57,100
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to
present to you Percy and his performing
30
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,100
from Clapham.
31
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:01,638
Hold it!
32
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:02,900
Hold it! Hold it!
33
00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:06,000
Tom! No performing dogs in my crypt.
34
00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:08,910
Oh, well, you see, personally, he owed
me some money, you see.
35
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:13,710
And he couldn't pay me, so he gave me
his dog act.
36
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:15,870
Have you ever seen these dogs before?
37
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:17,470
No, but I know their names personally.
38
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,670
Well, thank heavens for that. Yes, I
know their names. There's Bonzo. He goes
39
00:03:20,670 --> 00:03:21,670
through that tube, see?
40
00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:25,030
Yes. Right through there like that. And
there's Prince and Duke. They rub up
41
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,890
there like that. And down there, takes
the board, just do it with the mouth. I
42
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:31,130
haven't done it again. And the other
three like that do flips like that.
43
00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:34,070
Terrific. And Henry. Henry. Fantastic.
44
00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:35,330
Yes, what's he doing?
45
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:39,470
Add that sum together. Get the total.
Yes.
46
00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:41,150
And then we skip together.
47
00:03:41,450 --> 00:03:43,870
Good. This I have to see. Can I announce
them?
48
00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:47,730
Certainly. Ladies and gentlemen, Percy's
performing dog from Clapham.
49
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,160
Who said I knew it was a dog?
50
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,660
I'll do the sub. All right, then.
51
00:04:49,780 --> 00:04:55,240
All right, here we go.
52
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:03,320
Waiter.
53
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:12,320
Yes, sir. Any danger of any service?
54
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,840
I'm sorry, but I've just come on duty,
sir.
55
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:18,070
I wonder if you'd like to look at the
menu while you order some drinks.
56
00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:22,810
We'll have two gin and tonics, and don't
take all night about it.
57
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:25,870
I know that menu off by heart, you know.
I can tell you exactly what's for
58
00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:28,250
starters, what's for main course, and
what's for sweets. I don't need to know.
59
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:31,030
You have what you like. You can have the
caviar, you can have the smoked salmon,
60
00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:32,950
you can have the salad and east wide,
anything you like.
61
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,940
Oh, you're not going to worry about that
here, sir.
62
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,580
April is over. There isn't an hour in
the month. Well, it doesn't matter here,
63
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,160
sir, because April follows Ray, Rune,
and Realize.
64
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,800
I don't want any funny remarks. Just
service.
65
00:06:13,580 --> 00:06:17,700
Yes, sir. I wonder if the madam would
like some prawns in aspect.
66
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,160
I'll say what we're going to have. Oh,
no, dear, he's only trying to be honest.
67
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,220
You shut it. You're pushing the
leftovers on us. I know.
68
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,210
No wonder all the waiters are foreign.
English waiters are diabolical. It is
69
00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:30,110
typical of them. They give you no
service, and they want a whacking great
70
00:06:30,110 --> 00:06:32,830
the end of a long drink of water like
this. All that's going to do anything
71
00:06:32,830 --> 00:06:36,090
me. I eat here regularly. I not only eat
here, I eat in every restaurant. Not
72
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,190
only the big ones, the little ones,
every one. It's in my job.
73
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,260
these things on the table and you have
to throw my wine glass.
74
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,620
Get me another one.
75
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,020
Are those out of the friendly room?
76
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,600
Get it yourself.
77
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:19,500
Well, mate.
78
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:21,280
Waiter, waiter.
79
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,780
Luke, I owe you an apology. I was a bit
rude earlier on.
80
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,060
You know he didn't mean it.
81
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:28,340
Shotted, shotted.
82
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:31,440
You're doing a grand job, lad, and we
will have the oysters.
83
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,880
Ah, right, thank you.
84
00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:38,060
There you are!
85
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:39,560
Where's my wine glass?
86
00:07:40,220 --> 00:07:43,240
You want some wine, sir? Wine? I have
some wine. I want my wine glass.
87
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,200
Would you like some oysters, sir?
Oysters?
88
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,920
Oysters? Who's talking about oysters?
There's no hour in the month. I just
89
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,240
my wine glass. Get me my wine glass, you
swine!
90
00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:56,420
Certainly, sir.
91
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,180
The swine will get in your wine glass.
92
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,560
Straight away, sir.
93
00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,380
The swine will get in your wine glass.
94
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,460
The swine will get in your wine glass!
95
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:23,660
Now, look here. As far as I'm concerned,
your
96
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:26,100
reputation as a high -class restaurant
is over. I...
97
00:08:26,350 --> 00:08:29,590
I don't know whether you are aware who I
am, but you soon will be. Here is my
98
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:30,830
card. Come on, June.
99
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:34,270
Come on.
100
00:08:37,169 --> 00:08:40,710
Do you know who that was?
101
00:08:40,929 --> 00:08:41,929
No idea.
102
00:08:42,169 --> 00:08:44,010
That was Sir Parsimony Fry.
103
00:08:44,710 --> 00:08:46,270
The international gourmet.
104
00:08:46,530 --> 00:08:47,530
That's who that was.
105
00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:48,730
Parsimony Fry? Yes.
106
00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:50,130
Well, I didn't know that.
107
00:08:50,870 --> 00:08:52,310
I got all confused, you see.
108
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:55,750
Because all this is going on is because
I thought this was...
109
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,100
The nursery where I had to be nice. And
then there was a nursery where I could
110
00:08:59,100 --> 00:08:59,859
be nasty.
111
00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:01,760
You know what I mean? And I got
confused.
112
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,400
And I was nasty in both rooms, you see.
113
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,060
Shut up!
114
00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:09,440
You're fired!
115
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:11,840
Yes. No.
116
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:14,800
In here.
117
00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:21,900
Now then, once and for all, Cooper, in
here you can do what you like.
118
00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,680
are the one and only Frank Sinatra.
119
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:56,320
Look down, look down, that lonesome road
before
120
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,260
you travel on.
121
00:10:04,550 --> 00:10:05,970
Make your maker!
122
00:10:06,410 --> 00:10:07,410
Stop.
123
00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:25,310
I'm singing in the rain. Singing in the
rain. I'm singing in the rain.
124
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,250
That's nothing to do with it.
125
00:10:36,590 --> 00:10:38,810
Now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to
do something serious for you now.
126
00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:46,830
It's a one -man theatre in which I play
400 different people.
127
00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:50,970
But luckily, 398 are not in this scene.
128
00:10:52,450 --> 00:10:54,470
Just him and him.
129
00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,230
The scene is 1941.
130
00:11:05,450 --> 00:11:06,450
Something else come on.
131
00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:12,210
The scene is 1941, the prisoner of war
camp in the Rhine.
132
00:11:12,890 --> 00:11:14,510
And they're all wearing Rhine coats.
133
00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:27,070
And... The leader of the British is the
134
00:11:27,070 --> 00:11:30,730
officer, Captain... Creepy.
135
00:11:34,050 --> 00:11:35,150
He's one of the real...
136
00:11:35,420 --> 00:11:36,520
Dempsey Creamleys.
137
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,640
And he's face to face with that brutal
Cap Combinant.
138
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,280
Hans Neeson and Boomsities.
139
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,300
Captain.
140
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:00,520
Captain.
141
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,580
Yesterday, there were 200 prisoners.
142
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,080
In the camp.
143
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,960
Today, 10 ,000.
144
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,260
Why is this?
145
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,840
We built our escape on the back of the
front.
146
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,200
Silence! Silence!
147
00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:36,150
I lost a leg in Tobruk.
148
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:38,710
Well, I haven't got it.
149
00:12:44,790 --> 00:12:45,790
Silence!
150
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:48,510
Silence!
151
00:12:48,830 --> 00:12:49,830
I thought it was me eye.
152
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:33,090
which stand for... These
153
00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:39,630
initials are the initials of the dreaded
154
00:13:39,630 --> 00:13:44,290
organisation which these initials stand
for.
155
00:14:09,119 --> 00:14:13,960
to teach you to have more... More...
156
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:18,680
To teach you to have... What? Yes, all
right.
157
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,220
To teach you to have more respect in the
future.
158
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,040
You will put on the blindfold.
159
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,840
I have one last request.
160
00:15:47,359 --> 00:15:48,359
Thank you.
161
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:19,920
I'm a sharpshooter now.
162
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,520
See the stands with the plates on there?
Watch this very closely.
163
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:25,800
Here we go.
164
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:27,800
You know the shirt trick?
165
00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:29,319
Not offhand.
166
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:30,320
Not offhand?
167
00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:33,340
Well, how would it be if I tried the
shirt trick on you?
168
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:34,639
Why not?
169
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,380
All right. I will try the shirt trick on
you.
170
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:45,040
Now, we've got to, uh... We've got to
undo a few... He's very suave, isn't he?
171
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,260
Not for long, unless I can get these
buttons undone. No, just... There we
172
00:17:49,420 --> 00:17:50,379
What are you trembling for?
173
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:51,380
Trembling?
174
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,120
Okay? Yes.
175
00:17:58,200 --> 00:17:59,200
There you are.
176
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,360
Couple of buttons undone.
177
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,560
Oh, yes.
178
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,580
What are you doing? Trying to hypnotize
me?
179
00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:13,280
What is... There we are, I think.
180
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:15,060
Oh, my goodness, we're not.
181
00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,060
One more.
182
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,800
The suspense is killing me.
183
00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:20,760
Are you watching this, ladies and
gentlemen?
184
00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:42,029
do the shirt trick.
185
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,030
Are you prepared to do it?
186
00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:45,930
Well, as a matter of fact, I've done it
a long, long time ago. No, no. Do you
187
00:18:45,930 --> 00:18:46,629
want to do it?
188
00:18:46,630 --> 00:18:48,550
Come on. I want you to do it. They want
to do it.
189
00:18:48,770 --> 00:18:50,190
Ladies and gentlemen, do you want to do
it?
190
00:18:52,470 --> 00:18:53,490
No, you don't.
191
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:57,830
Your fans demand that you do the shirt
trick. You don't want to see me do it,
192
00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:58,830
you? Yes, you do.
193
00:19:00,010 --> 00:19:01,010
All we want... You don't.
194
00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:02,290
Why?
195
00:19:03,170 --> 00:19:05,910
All we want is a volunteer from the
audience.
196
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:07,610
What about you, sir?
197
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:20,959
Henry Cooper.
198
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,920
Henry Cooper. It's Gladys' boy.
199
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,200
Now, Tommy, you've got the chap here.
Can I leave you to it?
200
00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:32,940
To do the shirt trick? Yes, all right.
Ladies and gentlemen, that popular duo,
201
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:37,480
Tommy Cooper and Henry Cooper, the ex
-heavyweight champion in...
202
00:20:10,990 --> 00:20:11,990
Yeah, I know.
203
00:20:12,550 --> 00:20:15,110
I mean, I come from a long line of
boxers. Yeah?
204
00:20:15,770 --> 00:20:17,530
Except my father is a cocker spaniel.
205
00:20:22,810 --> 00:20:25,670
Do you know, I was in the ring much with
Cassius Clay.
206
00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:27,890
Go on. No, really, all my life. I was,
yes.
207
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,310
And I got him worried.
208
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:31,049
I did.
209
00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:32,430
He thought he'd kill me. Go on.
210
00:20:40,330 --> 00:20:41,610
And I was like that. Like that.
211
00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:51,150
I just have to do that.
212
00:20:51,470 --> 00:20:52,470
I've got to do the shirt.
213
00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:56,250
You don't know what it is, do you? I
don't. Well, I'll show you. Well, could
214
00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:58,290
just be so kind and do your bows there?
Look.
215
00:20:58,490 --> 00:20:59,490
I'll do that.
216
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,690
Because you're not trim, you know. No,
I'm not trim. I'm one.
217
00:21:04,050 --> 00:21:05,049
Yes, that's right.
218
00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:06,050
Have you done those?
219
00:21:06,130 --> 00:21:07,590
Yeah. Right, I'll just take your tie.
220
00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:09,660
Yeah. It's a good tie, isn't it? Oh,
it's very nice.
221
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,220
Shall I do it, mate? Yeah, it's all
right, then.
222
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:15,720
Thank you.
223
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:29,420
Undo the buttons, will you? Undo the
buttons. Yes, that's all right.
224
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:39,240
There's a ripple coming up, Roy.
225
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:43,720
Right, right.
226
00:21:43,900 --> 00:21:48,980
Now, I'm going to do... I'm going to do
exactly what you've just seen.
227
00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:50,880
I'm going to take your shirt off.
228
00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:54,520
It's an handmade shirt. I'm going to
take it off without taking the coat off.
229
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,060
Right? I haven't done this for a long
time.
230
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,400
How long?
17649
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