Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:43,540
Thank you.
2
00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:44,660
Thank you very much.
3
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:46,680
Thank you.
4
00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:49,060
Thank you.
5
00:00:49,620 --> 00:00:50,620
Thank you.
6
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:52,240
Thank you very much.
7
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:53,840
What a lovely audience.
8
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,000
Well, I must say, you have been a good
audience.
9
00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,360
And I'd like to close it up, eh?
10
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,620
Oh, dear, I've had a pain here all day.
11
00:01:03,220 --> 00:01:04,220
Look at that.
12
00:01:13,510 --> 00:01:14,510
Oh, isn't it hot?
13
00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:16,310
It's the heat that does it.
14
00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,250
It's different every time, isn't it?
15
00:01:28,110 --> 00:01:29,430
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
16
00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:51,760
I went to see my doctor. I had to. He's
ill.
17
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,340
And he said to me, he said, can I help
you? I said, yes.
18
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,080
I said, I get these terrible dreams. He
said, what's that? I said, I keep
19
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,740
dreaming. These beautiful girls keep
coming towards me.
20
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,520
Beautiful girls. I keep pushing them
away. They keep coming towards me. I
21
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:05,520
pushing them away.
22
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,260
He said, what do you want me to do? I
said, break my arm.
23
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,720
He said, I want you lying down on the
couch.
24
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,240
I said, what for? He said, I want to
sweep out.
25
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:31,440
I said, but seriously, doctor. I said,
seriously.
26
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,500
I said, seriously, doctor.
27
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:41,860
Seriously, doctor. I said, I have broke
my arm in several places.
28
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,800
He said, well, you shouldn't go to those
places.
29
00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:00,970
barber coming to the front guard. See,
he's turning the spit like that and the
30
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:01,970
flame's getting higher and higher.
31
00:03:04,510 --> 00:03:05,448
Higher and higher.
32
00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:08,230
See? And he's singing. Oh, soul of me.
33
00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:11,130
No music.
34
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,750
Oh, soul of me.
35
00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:17,810
Farewell.
36
00:03:19,570 --> 00:03:21,150
And the flame's getting higher and
higher.
37
00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:24,630
And a drunk walks by. He says, your
singing's all right, mate. A monkey's on
38
00:03:24,630 --> 00:03:25,630
fire.
39
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:36,600
.
40
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,240
Yes.
41
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:40,660
just told me just before the show.
42
00:05:41,580 --> 00:05:43,360
And she said to me, I've got water in a
carburettor.
43
00:05:44,020 --> 00:05:45,420
I said, where's the car? She said, in
the river.
44
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,060
Oh, excuse me, that reminds me.
45
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:57,920
One minute, please.
46
00:06:01,540 --> 00:06:02,540
Hello?
47
00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:04,180
Is that the GPO?
48
00:06:08,430 --> 00:06:11,130
Look, I won't complain about my... my
phone bills.
49
00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:14,190
They keep going up and up.
50
00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:16,970
But why are they so big?
51
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:53,560
with a bird on his head.
52
00:06:55,860 --> 00:06:57,540
And the doctor said, what can I do for
you?
53
00:06:57,940 --> 00:07:00,300
And the bird said, would you take this
man off my feet?
54
00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:03,780
There you go, guys.
55
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,260
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
you now to meet an old ship...
56
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,210
Be brisk.
57
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:24,920
I speak to Inspector Smith.
58
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,100
Is that your inspector?
59
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:30,960
Well, it's me.
60
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,520
You know me, don't you?
61
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:40,220
Listen, I've got the news you wanted.
62
00:13:40,660 --> 00:13:42,300
I can tell you who the killer is.
63
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:50,420
The killer's name is... The killer's
name
64
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:51,420
is...
65
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:08,920
I'll ring him back later. There's too
much noise in here.
66
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:21,700
I think I've done my leg in.
67
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,620
Good evening, Mr Cooper. Good evening.
68
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:37,440
I believe you have a black belt.
69
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:38,840
Yes.
70
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,380
And before that, I had a brown belt. And
before that, I had a white belt.
71
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:44,499
And before that?
72
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,500
My trousers were pulled out.
73
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:51,520
Yes, now, these karate experts seem to
care. What are they like?
74
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,040
Marvellous. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Japanese.
75
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:55,600
All Japanese are. Oh, yes.
76
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,280
And one was about that high.
77
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,480
See?
78
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:04,180
And... And...
79
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:10,360
These six men came towards him, six by
three foot four they were, and they all
80
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,100
came towards him and attacked him at the
same time. And what happened?
81
00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:14,340
They murdered him.
82
00:15:16,980 --> 00:15:18,980
Tell me. No, not yet. No.
83
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:20,900
Tell me.
84
00:15:27,740 --> 00:15:29,220
It's remarkable, yes.
85
00:15:29,660 --> 00:15:34,520
Now, what would you do if a man came
towards you with a gun in his hand?
86
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:37,720
About 50 miles an hour.
87
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:44,040
You're right. Now is the time. Now is
the time. I believe that you are going
88
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,340
break these four bricks in halves with a
single blow of your hand.
89
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:48,259
That's quite right.
90
00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:49,260
Yes. Quite right.
91
00:15:49,420 --> 00:15:53,260
See, because, look, that there is like
solid steel.
92
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:54,460
Really?
93
00:15:55,860 --> 00:15:57,120
I don't feel any pain.
94
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,520
No pain at all.
95
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,460
Marvellous. This hand is a killer.
96
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,040
No?
97
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:03,540
Yes, go ahead.
98
00:16:09,550 --> 00:16:10,750
It's the wrong hand. It's this one.
99
00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:21,730
The very famous magic clock.
100
00:17:11,690 --> 00:17:12,790
So hula hacha, I'm a hula hula.
101
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:56,879
Thank you, Chief.
102
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,140
Yes? Anybody here?
103
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:01,080
Thank you very much.
104
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,260
for a minute. What I should do, I should
go down here like this.
105
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,560
See? Yeah. I should stand here like
that.
106
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,080
Right? And you'll be up there. Yeah. And
I want you to creep towards me and try
107
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:51,020
to hit me in the back with that plank of
wood.
108
00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:53,720
Are you sure about that? Oh, yes.
Because you won't have a chance, you
109
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,120
Because I should stand like that and I
should turn around very quickly like
110
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,120
that. Or I may go that way. I don't
know.
111
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,720
I may go up.
112
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,060
And I should take the wood and jam it in
the eyes like that.
113
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:12,970
Yes, I'm not... Very good at hitting
people. Don't worry. I'll tell you what.
114
00:20:13,050 --> 00:20:15,310
Take your shoes off so I can't hear you
coming down and talking.
115
00:20:19,470 --> 00:20:21,150
Up here. Up here? Yes.
116
00:20:23,210 --> 00:20:24,730
Right. Just there like that.
117
00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:26,170
Oh, yes.
118
00:20:26,550 --> 00:20:28,790
Right? See? Now, don't forget, Noah.
119
00:20:29,390 --> 00:20:33,130
Come down any time you like because I've
got amazing reflexes.
120
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:57,960
I mean, can you, um... I'll tell you
what, can you cough?
121
00:20:58,220 --> 00:20:59,220
Yeah.
122
00:21:00,580 --> 00:21:02,620
Put your shoes on. Oh.
123
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,260
And this time, when you come down,
cough.
124
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:12,639
Like that.
125
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,140
Yeah, that's it. I mean, you'd better
give me a chance. Oh, of course, yes.
126
00:21:17,380 --> 00:21:18,900
I mean, I've got major reflexes.
127
00:21:19,450 --> 00:21:21,230
But you've got to be fair, haven't you?
Yes, fair is fair.
128
00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:22,409
Oh, yes, yes.
129
00:21:22,410 --> 00:21:23,550
I do see that.
130
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:25,390
Right. Right?
131
00:21:25,790 --> 00:21:29,310
Yes. Now, come down, see, as fast, loud
as possible.
132
00:21:30,310 --> 00:21:36,450
I'm beginning to enjoy this.
133
00:21:42,090 --> 00:21:44,930
Can you... Can you sing?
134
00:21:45,730 --> 00:21:48,210
Not very well. Any particular song?
135
00:21:48,410 --> 00:21:50,080
Anything you like. I told you to do
this.
136
00:21:50,620 --> 00:21:51,620
Here we are.
137
00:21:51,820 --> 00:21:56,520
You've got your shoes on. I want you to
come up here and sing a song and come
138
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:57,520
down very heavy like that.
139
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,840
It's a long way to go.
140
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:04,360
It's a long way to go.
141
00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:05,820
Yes.
142
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,120
Right? Yes.
143
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,540
I want you to sneak up on me.
144
00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:10,980
Loudly.
145
00:22:15,620 --> 00:22:17,100
All right? Are you ready?
146
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:18,480
Okay.
147
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:20,630
That's it.
148
00:22:21,110 --> 00:22:22,550
Surprise, attack, surprise.
149
00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:24,670
Start, baby.
150
00:22:25,090 --> 00:22:26,470
Uh -huh. Where's he gone?
151
00:22:38,170 --> 00:22:39,170
I'll tell you what.
152
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:44,670
How about wearing a blindfold and bang a
big drum?
153
00:22:55,790 --> 00:23:00,690
From the zippy vase or vase, I will now
produce a bouquet of flowers.
11103
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof