All language subtitles for roast_night_s01e06

Remember to say happy 40th year, kid.

Excuse me. Uh, Semmy, Semmy, I actually
need your help, please. Getting some

stuff out of the boot.

Semmy.

Flynn. Oh, God. Thanks, guys.

Um, Glenn, do you... Do you... Yeah, do
you mind if we have a talk about

something real quick?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. One second.

Can we, um...

Can we walk and talk?

Actually, no, I'd rather not. It's kind
of important.

Cake.

What about it? I just don't want the
frosting to melt.

I don't want to just pop it in the
fridge. It's been in the boot.

Okay. No, sorry. Yep.

My bad. Sorry. What's up?

Shoot. Okay.

Look.

Look, I don't really know how to say
this.

I've been meaning to tell you. I can
feel the wetness at the bottom of the

Like, it's so soggy. It's just a cake,
Glenn. No, but it's Mum and Dad's 40th

anniversary cake. I want it to be
special. I don't want the chocolate. OK.

OK, fine.

Can we talk about this later? Oh, I
can't wait. I can't wait.

Can you put those in the living room,
please?

You poke it, garlic goes in, it's been
infused, and lemon goes all the way

through the roast.

Don't want it so dry. Oh, it's not dry.

There's nothing wrong with the best
roast in the whole world. Can I be

with you?

I think the last couple of rows tasted
like jerky. Where is he?

There he is, man of the hour.

Congratulations. Happy 40th anniversary.

Cheers.

How's it feel, Dad?

It's just another day, mate.

Just another day.

It's a pretty epic achievement.

40 years. That's a long, you know, not
many couples stay in it that long.

What did you get her?

What do you mean?

A present. What did you get her?

Oh, we don't really do prezzies.

What? You didn't get her anything?

Well, it's just an anniversary. We've
had heaps of them. Yes, I was like 40.

Well, we didn't give any prezzies last
year. Yeah, that's because of Boston.

You're 40. Dad, any special occasion
with a zero on it is a big deal, meaning

you need to get a big present.

Bollocks. Oh, no, Dad.

I can guarantee your mum's going to have
something really good for you.

100%. Well...

I'll give her the best cut of the roast.

The best... 40 years of loving you,
cleaning up after you, putting up with

stinking balls, you being a tight arse,
and what she get for all that?

The best cut of the roast.

Shit. Yeah.

Shit, shit.

Yep.

You boys are going to have to help me
get her a present.

Not far at that. Honestly, I mean,
you're shit. You're normally shit, but

is extra shit. Pretty shit.

I got myself the best present.

What did you get?

Well, last night I came to the
conclusion that I'm just not cut out for

that online hook -up crap.

But then I was lying there and I
thought, well, how am I going to get

Roger for all of these disgusting happy
ending massages?

And then it hit me.

What?

I booked myself a massage.

A massage?

Massage. Yeah, yeah. I found him in the
classifieds. His name is Felix, and he's

going to be here in an hour.

Today?

Holy shit, Kez.

On your 40th anniversary?

Yeah.

It's the perfect way to get back at
Roger, don't you think?

I guess.

What?

I don't know.

I guess it just makes me a little bit
sad because it's your 40th anniversary.

I'm really excited.

I'm going to go get the room ready.

Pour us another one, darling.

Okay, just over here. That's a little
bit over. All right, I think that's

for today, Henry.

God damn it!

Patience.

It's going to heal.

Okay?

Ten months, Martha.

Ten months I've been stuck in this bed.

I'm sick of feeling like a cripple.

Stop!

Stop!

Useless?

You think that your leg is useless?

Henry, you saved those men's lives.

Okay, when everyone left them to die,
you went back.

You're a hero.

Sorry to break the flow. I just have one
quick question.

Oh, that was really good.

Okay, what's up?

Um, before rehearsal, um, when we get to
the end, are we doing the kiss,

or...? No, no, I reckon we save it for
the real performance.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah. Why, though?

Oh, I just feel like it'll keep the
tension between the actors and, you

it'll add more energy to our theme.
Yeah, no, I get that. Yeah, 100%. That

sense. Okay. Cool. So we're just going
to do, like, a kiss on the cheek for

Oh, no, no, no. We'll do an air kiss.

An air kiss?

Yeah.

What's that?

An air kiss?

Yeah. Oh, I'll show you.

Okay.

Okay. Ready from the top?

Yeah. Cool.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, no, only because it's a bit of an
emergency, that's all.

Yeah, okay, no, that's fine. That's
fine, I understand. I've got to go.

bye. Okay, so, can't get flowers, you
can't get a hand part because they need

four hours lead time plus the closing
scene anyway. Oh, shit.

No, hang on here, Dad. Look, six nights,
barley, right?

Flights, accommodation, a trip to see
the monkeys, $4 ,300.

$4 ,300?

I'm not paying that.

What is it, like six and a half stars,
pallets in the tie?

No, no, it's a four -star hotel, ocean
view and breakfast included.

There you go. I don't eat breakfast.

What can you get for three nights, two
stars, zero breakfast?

Wow. I mean, you really are the tightest
man alive. It doesn't matter anyway,

because you can't get that.

Why? Because Mum's going to see the bank
statement and see today's date. She'll

know it's last minute. Oh, shit.

What am I going to get her?

I don't even want to put this out there,
but there is something you can do to

cop out.

What? What?

You could just make her something from
the heart, and because then no matter

shit it is, they can't get angry at you
because you did it with the best

intention. Good. No, that's good. That's
good. It was like those shithouse cards

that Sammy and Flynn used to make me
when they were younger.

Excuse me? Yeah, with the... You know,
remember the shitty little cats and

balloons they used to draw on my
birthday cards? They were terrible.

You mean when they were, like, three?

Yeah. How hard is it to draw a balloon?
Pretty hard when they can't hold a

fucking crayon, Tommy. It's brilliant.

I can make something.

And I can write a poem.

Poem's good.

Poem's good.

And it's free.

Felix? That's right, yep. Kerry?

Yeah, oh, okay.

Come on in. Great, thanks.

Yeah, great.

Sorry, should I pay now or later?

Later's fine.

Great, okay.

Sorry, except that I've got cash out
because I wasn't sure how much I'd need

for, you know, extras.

We can talk about that in the room if
you like.

Okay.

Sorry about the mess.

That's okay.

Okay, so this is the room. This is the
bed. Okay. Where I'll be flying and

receiving the massage.

Naked or... We'll get to that in a few
moments.

Firstly, let me just ask you a few
questions.

Okay.

When was the last time you had a
massage?

You mean like a special massage?

All massages are special, aren't they?
Oh, yes.

Yes,

it's been a long while.

Okay.

In terms of pressure, would you like it
light, medium or remedial?

I think, oh, well, I guess I'd like a
light pressure on the upper body and I

guess more of a sort of a, like a
remedial dip.

on the lower half of the body.

Okay. Please.

All right.

Look, sorry, this is feeling very
professional, and I'm just concerned

you're just a masseuse, and I'm feeling
like a bit of an old creep.

Sensual part of the massage.

These are the do's and don'ts.

I will be fully naked for your arousal.

The buttocks are fine to feel, but no
biting, no scratching.

Light licking is okay.

Now, I like to use a sandalwood blend in
my oil.

Is that okay with you?

Yes.

Great. Take off all your clothes and lay
on your back.

Okay, I've got butterflies now.

I'm actually so excited to show your
family our scene.

Yeah, me too. Yeah.

Are you nervous?

A little bit, yeah.

Yeah.

I just

have a question.

Yeah?

With the kiss,

I'm just kind of worried about my
breath.

So should I not eat anything before?

I've got a piece of gum in my bag. Do
you want one? Yeah, yes, please. Thank

you. No, we're good.

Oh, sorry. There you go.

Have you kissed anyone before?

Yeah, sort of.

You know, I've kissed my mum on the
cheek and my grandma and my sister when

was really young.

But, you know, like not anyone in
school.

You know, I've seen heaps of it on telly
and shit. But, yeah, not like a kiss

-kiss, you know.

Have you?

Nope.

They're done already.

I couldn't do it.

I mean, I was lying there and I was
trying to get into it and then I

what if Roger's got me something really
special for tonight?

And then I'm laying there in the spare
room getting, you know what, done.

I wouldn't be that hard on yourself,
Kerry. Roger's had 100 you -know -whats.

Yeah, I know, I know. But, you know, I
just want to see if he's made an effort

for our 40th.

This is Roger, Kerry.

It's our 40 -year marriage anniversary.

Spending every single day together,
every holiday, every major moment of my

life, Roger's been there through all of
it.

Highs and the lows. I mean, he's my
family.

And surely that man, after 40 years, is
going to honour our love with something

special. Yeah.

What did he get you last year?

Laundry powder.

I hope he gets you something nice, Kev.

Me too.

So where's the dude? Did you send him
home?

No, I gave him an extra 150 to stick
around till after the gifts at dinner.

Just in case.

Putting glue on my finger. Okay, if that
finger's out of it, please. If you put

the glue on my fingers one more time,
I'm going to shove them up your

Oh, okay. So you want to have your
finger permanently stuck up your

arsehole, do you? Yeah, you'd love that.
Would I?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you love a finger in
the date. I bet Susan Straps went on

and smashes you on the tongue. Oh, yeah,
because she's the boss and I'm the...

You're the little bitch. Yeah, okay.
You're the little bitch. Cut it out.

I need help.

What rhymes with diapers?

Dad, please don't tell me you're writing
about the time you went for your

morning walk and couldn't get home in
time, so you shat yourself in the front

yard. I can't help it if I've got no
upsuck.

You know, I've got a bit of a loose arse
piece down there. You blokes will find

out sooner or later.

Dad, promise me you don't put either
arse piece or upsuck in Mum's poem, OK?

You blokes are about as helpful as a one
-legged man at an arse -kicking

contest. It's going to work, Dad, OK?
You've made something from your heart.

can't get the shits up with your heart.

I mean, I hate that you've done this on
Muff's 40th anniversary, but you're safe

as houses.

All right, well, you two finish whatever
bullshit you're doing because the roast

is ready.

Go quick. No, other side.

Don't yell at me.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our
performance of The War In My Heart.

I just wanted to say thank you so much
to all the turners for letting us

showcase our work before our final mark.

And I want to say thank you to Grandma
and Grandad and happy 40th anniversary.

We love you.

It was

the year 1945.

World War II was coming to an end when a
heavy dose of shrapnel went into the

leg. Corporal Henry looks at facing a
life where he may never walk again.

Action.

Just a little bit over here. A few more
steps, Henry. You've got it. You've got

it. Okay.

I think that's enough for today.

Ten months, Marta.

Ten months I've been stuck in this bed.
Patience.

Henry, it's going to heal.

Useless.

Useless. Useless.

Useless. Stop!

Seriously?

Henry, you saved those men's lives.

When everyone left them to die, you went
back there.

You're a hero.

I'm not a hero.

Heroes can walk.

Wait.

You've been seeing me for ten months.

And I loved you from the moment I saw
you.

I could never get the courage to tell
you that I wanted to kiss you.

Why didn't you?

I wanted to walk first.

I wanted to show you how much I cared.

Now it's too late. Now you're leaving
and... No.

You're going to walk again.

You will.

And when you walk again, you can walk
all the way to Townsville and with me.

Goodbye, Henry.

Yeah, get that one.

Yours is going.

Yeah.

Coming in, coming in. Speech, mum,

speech.

I'm not going to make a big speech
because I just want to get to the

So, darling, I know it's something that
you've been wanting for a long time.

Hand it up. I didn't dare pick it out
because I knew I'd get the wrong one.

But I hope you like it. Not as big as I
thought.

Oh, is it? Oh, you beauty.

It's a $2 ,000 voucher to Barbecue
World.

Oh, thank you.

I've had my eye on this eight -burner
turbo jobby that, oh, just, this is

fantastic and real.

Thanks, love. It's bloody brilliant.

Your turn.

Well, I thought long and hard about what
I'd buy it, and

I thought the best bet was to do
something from the heart

to make you something.

And, um, so, I, uh, wrote you a poem.

And, uh... Ta -da!

Goes like this.

Um, I'll put it on my speckies.

Kerry, babe, we've been through it all.

When you served me fish and chips and I
said I'd give you a call.

We had sex on the first date. Then you
told me your period was late.

Then you pumped out these two vipers.

You never once made me clean their
shitty diaper.

It's true.

For 40 years, you've put up with my
drinking, snoring and farts.

And that's why, darling.

I've made you a heart.

Don't bother to hand him up.

Really, Roach?

What?

For 40 years I've devoted my love to you
and... That's what you think I'm worth?

Well, it's... It's a good poem.

It's from the heart.

What heart?

What heart, Roger?

Clearly you've just made this, and
probably because the boys made you.

You don't give a shit about making me
feel special, do you?

You're too busy taking care of yourself.

Steady on love is going a bit hard.

It's just a present. It's not about the
bloody present.

It's about you getting wanked off at the
Thai place once a month for the past

ten years.

No, sorry. Don't sorry me.

I got myself a present.

My own happy ending.

Because God knows you're not giving it
to me.

Felix?

Yeah? I'm ready for my massage.

Okay. Yep, now.

Thanks, Lilo.

Yeah, Ling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's me.

Can you fit me in now?

Can you fit me in now?

About, oh, 20 minutes?

Oh, that's the way I'm feeling. It'll be
about five.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll be right there.

Righto.

Hey.

What are you doing? What?

I'm just ducking out for a bit. No,
you're not.

I'll be back.

Dad, don't be a dickhead. Come on.

Yeah.

Come on.

A couple of eyes and ears.

What is it?

Earplugs.

I can't believe I'm a part of this
fucking family. It's so embarrassing.

I mean, that was... That was next level,
even for my family.

Jeez, we have our issues.

We look pretty perfect in comparison to
that.

I want a divorce.

What? I want a divorce, Gwen.

Are you serious?

I'm not happy.

I wanted to wait for the kids to finish
school, but I can't wait anymore. Finish

school? Hang on. What the fuck are you
talking about? Finish school? I don't

love you anymore, Glenn.

Fucking hell, Susan, what are you
talking about?

How fucking long have you been feeling
like this for?

A long time.

Oh. Oh.