All language subtitles for roast_night_s01e03

Make sure you do it when you're in
there, please.

Okay, nobody crease their clothes, okay?

And make sure you sit up straight when
he takes the photo.

Oh, I don't think it's going to ruin a
photo, babe, if we have a couple of

creases. Yeah, don't sit down, Flynn.

Don't sit down, Sammy.

Like that?

Yeah, mate.

I don't really like the bow ties.

I know.

I'm not a massive fan of it myself.
Yeah.

Do you reckon you could...

ask mum to lose them, or are you too
scared to ask? Because, you know, I

understand if... Too scared?

I'm not scared of your mother, mate, no.

Yeah. If you don't want to wear them,
you know, you don't want to wear them?

no. All right, no worries. It's too
easy. Great, yeah.

Watch this. Yeah.

Sue? What?

Um, just chatting to Flynn about bow
ties.

We're not really vibing them. Is it all
right if we don't wear them? Is that OK?

That's not OK, Glenn.

They colour connect you to me and Sammy.

You're wearing them.

Yeah.

Did you tell her?

Huh? Did you tell her? Yeah.

Yep.

Thanks for trying, Dad.

Flynn, I actually, mate, I think they
look good.

Honestly.

It's got a bit of a James Bond vibe, you
know what I mean? Yeah. I think she's

actually picked out bloody good bow
ties.

Yeah, you look good too, Dad.

Thanks, mate.

Yeah.

You look like a cockhead. Okay.

That's worse than the velvet bloody
suspenders you wore last year. You look

you should be judging a spelling bee.
You look like you've been handing out

lollies at a primary school. If I had a
bloke at work that wore that, I'd be

ripping it off and saying, hey, mate,
put your nuts in a jar in the bloody

kitchen and give us your man card back.
It's the disgusting, silky, shiny little

plastic shit I hate.

Sometimes when your mother wants to
throw the leg over, she's got this pink,

silky lingerie number there with a
crutchless area for easy access.

Do you want me to go and get that to
match?

Can you promise me you're never going to
say anything that's disgusting again?

Every year she puts me and Flynn in this
shit, and then she prints it out in a

massive frame, puts it up on the wall,
and I've got to look at it for the next

12 months.

I just don't stand up to her, you know
what I mean? There you go, just to make

you feel better.

I just feel like shit because just
before, she shut me down in front of

right? And I'm just worried he's
starting to see his old man as, I don't

like a little bit whipped, you know? And
I'll tell you something I've never told

you before.

I've never stood up to Susan.

No, really.

Haven't you?

I'm trying to be serious.

I'm trying to get some help. You want
some real tough chat?

Yeah, go on.

Flynn's already a bit of a soft cop.

He is, isn't he? Yeah.

But there's still a chance for him.

You sure?

Really? What about me?

Huh?

You're too far gone.

But there is one thing you can do.

You have to stand up to Susan in front
of Flint.

So he sees me standing on my ground.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes sense.

Okay.

I'm not going to do it today, but I'll
do it next week. Not next week. Tonight.

Tonight is the perfect opportunity for
you to say no to this dicky little bow

tie, right? And then when the portrait
gets printed and put on your wall for

next 12 months, that is proof.

to your son that his dad wasn't a little
bitch. Yeah, no, because I'm not a

little bitch. Like, you know, I'm the
man of the house. Like, I am the man of

the house.

Don't get ahead of yourself, mate.

Oh, yeah, I'll go in there right now.
I'll go, Susan, go fucking F yourself.

Whoa, that was pretty loud. That was
loud, wasn't it? Yeah, loud enough that

would have heard that? Yeah, definitely.

I love your dress, Susan. It's gorgeous.

Oh, thanks, Kat.

Yeah, I like it too. I got the boys
matching bow ties.

So cute. But anyway.

I've been meaning to ask, have you been
chatting with any guys on the app? I

have. And?

Well, it's actually been really nice
chatting and flirting like I'm 16 again.

Really? Mm -hmm. Oh, that's great, Kev.

Yeah. There has been one guy, though,
who's a bit, I don't know, full on.

Hmm? He keeps wanting to meet up.

Okay, that, I mean, that's...

Good, right? Isn't that the whole point?
Have yourself a cheeky little affair

and then you can move on with your life?
Yeah, yeah, I know, but... His name's a

bit... Oh, it's a bit off.

What is it?

Grannyfucker23.

Oh, my God.

I wasn't ready for that.

Oh, yeah.

He keeps saying he wants to come over
and help me carry my shopping.

He wants what?

Yeah, and he wants to come over and
soothe my osteoarthritis and give me a

rub.

And that sounds pretty nice, to be fair.
Yeah, well, I don't have

osteoarthritis, Susan.

Right. Anyway, the final straw was when
he sent this voicemail.

He's definitely a serial killer. You
need to block him immediately.

Yeah, no. I thought so.

Yeah, look, unfortunately, you are going
to run into these types on the app. But

it's fine. Just don't give your address
out. It'll all be okay.

Yep. Mm -hmm.

Yep.

Oh, Kerry, you didn't... He asked me. He
asked to snip a hole in your bloomers,

too. Are you going to let him do that?
Well, I don't know. He asked me for the

address before all that weird stuff. I
thought that's how this bloody app

Kerry, you do not give your address out
to randoms on the internet. You meet at

a cafe.

I don't know. I'm 60 next year. You
should have told me the rules.

Okay, Kes, I'm sorry. I should have let
you know. Just don't give your address

out again, okay?

Okay.

And go.

Hey, can I have a quick word? Yeah,
what?

Um...

First thing I want to say, you know,
thank you for organizing the family

shoot. Mm -hmm. Stop kissing ass and get
on with it. Yeah, Flynn and I, we don't

want to wear the bow ties.

Um, you're wearing them.

But we don't want to.

No, I know, but... I'm the boss of the
family, and you're my little bitch

husband.

No, I'm not. This role play's not
working for me. No, it is. It is. Stay

Stay in it. Do it again and act like a
man.

Man?

Don't give a shit. They don't give a
shit about their consequences. They

care. They can shoot out their nagging
wife. So go again, be a man, and give it

some. Okay.

Come on.

Okay, Susan.

Don't shout.

Susan. Yeah?

Quick word about these bow ties.

Oh, sorry, you mean the bow ties that I
spent weeks researching and then got

custom -tailored for tonight's photo
shoot? Yeah, those bow ties, yeah.

Why do you have to be like this?

Do you think it's easy being the mother
of this family?

What?

And then you turn around to me and you
nag me about wanting to have sex. You've

got red dots on the calendar. I am
exhausted, Glenn.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. Yeah, you're right.
Would you do me a favour?

For tonight, for once, just wear the bow
ties, please.

Yeah, of course. Yep, yes.

Oh, Jesus Christ, it's worse than I
thought.

I can't watch it.

He's beyond being wit, mate. Give it up,
Tommy.

I just... I obviously just don't have
balls like you and the old man.

Flynn's got no chance.

You know what?

Last resort.

Brave mode.

What?

Get smashed.

What do you mean? Lots of blokes get
their courage back after a thousand

coldies. So get absolutely polled and
enter brave mode.

I'm going to get smashed at the family
photo, Tommy. I've got kids, mate.

Okay, well, keep doing it the way you're
doing it, because that seems to be

working tip -top. Yeah, well, Susan,
she's not a complete monster. I mean,

can be a bit hard to reason with, but,
you know, I can talk to her.

No, I can.

Okay.

Okay.

I was looking for you in drama class
today, but you weren't there.

Oh, yeah, my mum just got these bow ties
fitted for a family photo, so she took

it that early.

OK.

You were looking for me?

Oh, yeah, we're doing scene work in
class and we have to pick a partner.

I was hoping that maybe you'd want to do
a scene with me.

I mean, it means that we're going to be
spending a lot of time in and outside of

class together, so have a think, let me
know.

No stress if not.

Yes.

Oh, okay, great. Well, we've actually
chosen a couple of scenes for us.

But I'll show you now. The first one,
this one's actually really cool. It's a

funny interview that could really show
off our comedy chops, if that's what

you're into.

Yeah. Yeah?

Sounds good.

Oh, and the second one here, this is
personally my favourite.

It's a really fast -paced political
drama.

Right, yeah, that sounds like my
favourite as well.

Yeah.

Um, and the third one... Oh, this one's
kind of boring. It's just a soldier

being held by a nurse.

Yeah, that sounds so shit.

Yeah. No, I know. It's so typical.

It's just about a suicidal soldier who
suddenly wants to live after being

by a nurse.

Actually, that sounds pretty
interesting.

We should probably have a look at that
one.

Oh.

Okay, are you sure? There's not really
much in it, though.

Yeah. You know, short and sweet, right?
I mean...

You're the nurse, I'm the soldier,
chucking a kiss.

Easy kissy peasy.

Did you just say easy kissy peasy?

Yeah.

Well, same partners.

Yay.

Okay.

Start learning lines?

Yep.

Oh, no, no. Shit.

Oh, God.

We've got a problem.

What? We've got a really big problem.

What?

Grannyfucker23 is here.

Kerry, you blocked him.

Did you unblock that creep?

Well, look, I like the attention, OK?
Don't judge me. It's been a while.

What if Roger and the boys see? Yeah, I
know. Please go outside and ask him to

leave. Me?

Yeah. Yeah, please, I'm begging you.
Because if Roger sees him, it will be

Fine. Block him. OK, all right, I am.

Hey.

Hi. Yeah, you need to leave right now.

I'm here to meet someone.

Yeah, she's married.

Who's that?

Kerry.

I'm not here to meet a Kerry. I'm here
to meet T -slut. Yeah, that's Kerry.

She's married.

You need to leave before you get her
into trouble.

Yes. Could you please take your hand off
me?

Sorry. Thank you.

I would like to leave, but I can't. Why?

I'm too revved up.

I'm very excited.

Listen, mate.

You need to leave right now or her
husband is going to kill you.

Okay.

Just do me one favour.

Oh, Jesus. Yes, okay, what?

Please give these to her for me. What
are they?

These are Vickie's.

I was going to feed them to her with
some warm tea because she looks so

She's not that old.

Does she have big swingers? Okay, come
on, let's go. Go, go, go, go.

Hey, Suze. Oh, Jesus Christ, Grandad.
Who's this?

Christ, Grandad.

Sorry.

Who's this?

Who? Your friend.

Oh, this is Granny.

Granny? Your name's Granny?

It's a nickname for Grant.

Oh, Grant.

Oh, you must be the photographer.

Yes. Yes, he's the photographer.

Oh, you're a bit early, mate. We've got
a roast dinner about to happen. Yeah,

Grant is about to leave and come back
later. Oh, bullshit. We've got plenty of

food. You like roast beef, mate?

Yes, I like roast beef. Oh, mate, and my
wife does the best roast spuds you've

ever had in your life. Oh, the big,
juicy, succulent, melt -in -your -mouth,

wet... Why can't you get it in your
mouth?

Suck on them.

Yeah, it's a special recipe. Her great
-nana had it, then her nana had it, and

then Kerry got it. It's gorgeous. You
wait.

So many nanas.

Yeah, we'll stay. Thank you.

Will you?

Yeah.

Really? Come on.

Here we go.

Well, this is where we do all the family
bullshit every year, the photos,

everything, the Christmas tree over
here.

Where's your camera and stuff?

I just shoot it on my phone.

Oh, really?

It's amazing the technology these days,
isn't it? You can get the whole family

on that little phone.

Just need to get through the roast.

He's not staying for a roast.

Yeah,

he is.

Grandad invited him.

Hey, Susan, I've got a quick word. No,
no, no, not now, Glenn. I'm dealing with

a situation with your mum. Just five
minutes, okay?

Um, I have a quick question.

What? What?

What, Glenn? What is so important that I
can't wait five minutes?

Come on, quickly, Glenn. Speak.

Sorry.

There you go.

Brave mode.

Uh -oh.

Okay.

Good, bro. Back in.

You all right? Yeah.

My lip. It's really cold on my lip.
Barely got down to the coaster. Hang on.

I don't even like it. You've got the
last little bit. It doesn't even taste

good.

Can you scald this?

Yeah. How long does it take normally to
scald beer?

Not that long.

Do you want me to have a go with you?

Do you want me to have a go with you?

I'll do one.

You won't be able to scald it. I'll do
one.

I don't think you're going to be able to
scald it, though.

You don't think I will?

No, it's cold, man. It goes straight to
your head.

Ready? Watch this.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

You want another one?

You want another one?

You didn't get through the first.

Don't touch me like that.

Go on, then, bitch.

Okay, you need to... Huh?

You need to take that. Sorry, should we
have another one?

You need to take 20 % off. Do you want
to finish going mine? No, no, no.

Jesus. Our boys do it. Yeah, okay.

There you go. How's that?

Just want light like that?

Yeah, maybe we could get a model to just
check the light.

Hey.

Maybe your wife could do it.

Oh, too easy.

Hey, hey!

Hey!

Come and be a Glennipus model for the
photographer.

Oh, no, darling. I've got the spuds on,
so I'm busy.

Come on.

There she is.

There she is.

Hello. We haven't met before.

Hey. You look amazing.

She's an old bag, but she's my old bag,
aren't you?

She'll go.

Hey.

I love old bags.

Used to model old bags once upon a time,
didn't you, love?

You have a lovely neck.

Just like a rooster.

Have you got enough?

Yeah, I think that's enough.

Yeah, just a few more. Just a few more.

Could you just lean forward for me?
Okay.

How are you?

This is crazy.

I've got to get a little bit closer to
your face for a light reading.

They have no idea.

And they're right there.

I'm really turned on right now.

Can I just get... A little bit of hair.
Okay, all right, sorry. Roast ready.

Yep, good. Okay, we'll do.

Thank you for that, granny.

Are

you

not eating?

I don't feel like eating dinner tonight,
Susan. Is that all right?

Well, just don't spill your beer on your
shirt. Oh, I wouldn't dare, but babe.

Fucking hell.

Grandma?

Yes,

love?

Why is the photographer's hand on your
leg?

She wishes a young fella would feel her
up.

It's been a while.

She has to play the ivories for a while.

Welcome to Glen's Bar.

Wow. What would you like to buy today,
sir?

Wow, you look good. You look confident.

I feel them, but I'll tell you what,
brave motor works, mate. Yeah, okay. So

what we're going to do, I'm going to
take that one. Huh? I'll take that one.

no, no, I'm drinking it. No, I reckon
that's probably... One more sip, one

sip, and then we can... That's

good, very good.

Okay. Have a drummy.

I'm not eating, mate. I'm drinking. Have
a drummy. It's better for you.

Fuck your drummies, mate. I don't want a
drum. I'm having a good time. I'm

having a party, mate. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Do you remember what the plan was?

Have a big night with my brother. Are we
going clubbing? It wasn't that. Do you

remember what the plan was? You got
jeans?

You got jeans and shoes? The plan was
that you've got to be sober enough to go

inside. I love you, mate. I love you
too. You've got to be sober enough.

I don't tell you how much I like you
because you're my bro.

Oi, I'm telling you something, fucker,
and I'm telling you I like you and

not even listening to me.

Stop.

Stop. Stop.

Listen,

you've got to be sober enough to walk in
there and tell Susan who's boss, but

you can't be so drunk you're going to
shit yourself.

That make sense? Yeah. If I shit myself,
Susan's going to lick it out of my ass.

She's not going to lick it out of your
ass. Yes, she is. No, she's not. Well,

something, something here.

You're like this.

Is that Dad's rum?

OP, baby.

Ooh.

OK. Have you drunk this? No, I haven't,
but neither should you, so let's... Ah,

OK, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very good. Give it to me. Just getting
started on it. Give it to me.

I'm going inside. You're coming in in
two minutes.

Fuck.

Fucking deer, dog. They're coming in in
two minutes, yeah?

How long are you coming in? Two minutes.
Two minutes you're coming in for

photos, yeah?

OK, I'm just flipping it a bit, OK?

Mum, it's fine. Mum,

it's OK. It's fine. Thank you.

OK, everyone, can we have a bit of
shush, bit of shush, please? I just need

concentrate for a second. OK, Grandad,
if you could just go and stand behind

Grandma there.

Thanks for changing your shirt, by the
way. Appreciate that. Flynn, just over

here by your sister.

Thank you. Quick, quick, quick, quick,
quick. All right.

Tommy, yeah, great. If you could just go
around the back. Where's Glenn?

Where's Glenn? He's on the way in. OK,
well, when he gets back, we're ready to

shoot, so...

Where's the photographer?

He went to the toilet like ages ago.

Oh, Jesus. Okay, I'll go get him, but
nobody move. Just hold your position.

You tend to be a photographer.

You take one photo, you fuck off.

Let me keep one.

One, please. Just a little one. A little
souvenir. Just for me.

Give me the knickers.

Get this over with, and we can all
forget today ever happened.

Oh, Jesus, Tommy, where is Glenn?

I don't hear... I told you, he... Don't
talk to my fucking brother like that.

Fuck, he's just mad.

Isn't she?

Shut up!

Leave him alone!

Sammy? What are we doing? Is this where
I am, darling? You happy with this spot?

Is the bow tie how you saw it?

Dad, you all right?

Quick update, by the way, Zeus.

I think you're going to be driving home
tonight because me and Tommy necked

about 14 fucking long necks out the
back. So, Tommy, thank you, sir.

I didn't... Brave mode, baby. It had
nothing to do with... I'll be drinking

we get home, too.

If I can open the spirits, bubs.

If I can leave it. All right, I'm going
to go and get a towel.

No, sit down.

Nobody move.

We are getting this photo. Grant, throw
a towel over. They're just over there on

the sideboard, love.

Give us a kiss.

Give us a kiss, you stupid brat.

Fuck off.

Thanks, mate.

Are those my wife's special underpants?
Are those your crotchless easy access

underpants? I can explain.

You better explain pretty bloody quick,
mate. Fucking smash him, Dad. Okay, all

right. He put himself.

Yes, and he was very embarrassed, and so
I gave him a pair of mine.

What do you mean you gave him yours?

He's a man, for Christ's sake. Me too,
Dad. Fuck yeah.

Just shit yourself, mate.

The roast was pretty rich.

Nothing wrong with my bloody roast,
mate. There's something wrong with your

All right, can everyone just calm down?
Susan, calm the fuck down. The

photographer's going to take the photo
and everyone's going to go home.

Sorry to barge in, guys. I've been
knocking for a little while. I'm here

Turner family photo.

I can explain.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

That was a fucking good night.