All language subtitles for Punky Brewster s04e08 Cosmetic Scam

Maybe the world is blind or just a
little unkind.

Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure of anything
anymore.

I have my skirt hemmed.

Well, you shouldn't be embarrassed.

None of your friends are going to see
you.

Besides, everyone knows you're all dog.

You're welcome.

Isn't it great miniskirts are coming
back?

Fortunately, you've got the legs for
them.

I better go get you some milk to wash
down the thorium.

Hello?

Good afternoon. Is this H. Warnemont?

No, it's P.

Brewster. Well, it doesn't matter as
long as you have a little ambition and a

lot of cash.

Huh?

Congratulations, P. Brewster. This is
the luckiest day of your life.

It is?

Tell me, are you tired of never having
enough cash, scrimping and saving,

cutting corners and still ending up
short?

Hey, who are you calling short?

With just a small investment, I can help
you add hundreds, no, thousands of

dollars to your yearly income.

Are you interested?

Sure. What do I have to do?

Don't worry.

It's nothing kinky. A child could do it.

Now you're talking.

Here's a nice front row seat.

Will this take long?

I have snow to shovel.

Oh, relax, Henry.

Don't get your ear flaps in an uproar.

Allow me to introduce Miss Punky
Brewster.

Thank you, Miss Johnson.

Carrie and I are proud to announce that
we want to go in business for ourselves.

Good. I can't wait to hear about it.

We want to sell Lady Contempo cosmetics.

And all we need from you guys is $500.

Meeting adjourned.

Wait! That includes the sample kit and
the official distributor's license.

But $500 is a lot of money.

Henry, Henry, Henry.

You've got to spend money to make money.

Then you should have invited a
millionaire to this meeting.

Henry, these children are showing some
ambition.

The least we can do is hear them out.

But... That's right. Put it there.

Look at all this fabulous stuff. Lady
Kintepo has everything.

Wrinkle -away.

Skin cream.

Hair conditioner.

Men's cologne.

Mmm, this hand cream feels smooth.

Mmm. The cologne is very provocative,
yet naive.

Interesting blend. Has legs.

Listen to what Miss Spalding Keebler
from Bemidji, Minnesota has to say.

Lady Contempo face cream brought new
meaning to my face.

My husband loves the new me, and so does
my boyfriend.

Henry, this... This might be a good
idea.

Every woman I know spends a fortune on
cosmetics.

That's because every woman you know is
ugly.

And think of all the ugly people we
know. Just in this building alone.

If we do invest, what can we expect for
our $500?

I need one item from this sample kit as
our gift to you.

There's more snow being shoveled in here
than outside.

Please, make us an offer.

Well, the way I see it, if we put up 100
% of the initial investment, we should

get back at least 50 % of the profits.

Thank you, Payne Webber.

Boy, you drive a hard bargain.

But we can live with it.

How about it, Henry? Is it a deal?

All right.

It's a deal.

You're late.

I am?

Yes. We agreed to meet at 8 o 'clock.
And according to Mickey here, it's 8

I was hungry.

So I wanted to eat some breakfast.

Cherry, we're in business.

Business people are supposed to be
punctual.

Do you think we'll eat Iacocca? We'd be
late just so we could stuff his face.

Well, from the looks of it, you might
say he stuffed his face a few times.

get started. Are there any questions?

Just one. When's lunch?

You are hopeless.

Actually, I'm nervous. I've never sold
anything door to door before.

The most important thing is sincerity.

Now, give me a nice sincere smile.

Forget sincere.

Just do what I do, okay?

Okay, as long as one of the things you
do is have lunch.

Who is it?

It's Punky and Sherry.

Be right with you, girls.

One of the best sales techniques is to
flatter them.

Let's flatter Mrs.

Yurtsoff.

I'll try, but I know I'll laugh if she
isn't wearing her teeth.

Care for a cookie?

Nothing.

I'll take them.

I haven't eaten lunch yet.

Well, now, what can I do for you?

Oh, well, we were going to try and sell
you some cosmetics.

But it's obvious you don't need any.

Oh, come on.

Really?

Well, we've got skin cream, but your
skin is already so smooth.

Yeah, and you're lucky to have so much
of it.

great for double chins.

But all your chins are really lovely.

It would be hard to decide which ones
you go.

Cherry lay off her chins. But Henry says
she needs a bookmark to find her

pearls.

You know, honey, I think I will take
some of this skin tightener.

Smells just like lilac. Oh, I think I'll
take a bottle of this, too.

What size will she be? Small, medium, or
blue?

Margot, could I interest you in some
Lady Contempo nail polish?

I have my own manicurist.

How about some shampoo?

I have my own beautician.

How about some body oil?

I have my own masseuse.

How about buying all this stuff anyway,
because you're rich?

Okay.

Henry, great news! We're hit!

After lunch, we sold $900 worth of
beauty gunk.

That's wonderful!

Punky, Cherry, I want to congratulate
you both on your efforts to rise out of

this lower...

poverty pit.

Thanks, Margo.

We're almost completely sold out. All we
have left is one bottle of bubble bath.

You want it, Margo? It'll save you the
trouble of putting your money away.

Good idea.

I'm gonna buy a new skateboard with my
money. How about you, Punky?

I'm taking Henry to Disneyland.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

We could waste our profits on
frivolities, or we could reinvest this

more cosmetics, and triple our profits.
What do you think?

Triple our profits works for me.

Leave the dishes for later. We've got to
get down to Lady Contempo and buy more

stuff.

And this morning, I woke up next to it.

Look on the bright side, Henry.

It'll save you about two years' worth of
haircut.

And spend it all on sunscreen for my
head?

Who is this?

It's Betty.

That's all I need.

Her making fun of me.

I give up.

How do I get this mask off?

It's supposed to peel off.

I peeled. I scrubbed. I chipped.

I even got on my knees and begged.

Nothing.

You want my opinion? It's an
improvement.

Why are you wearing that stupid hat?

Target for ridicule, right?

Agreed. We have the clear choice of
either totally humiliating each other or

showing compassion for each other, not
mentioning one word about our respective

problems. What do you say?

It's a deal, melonhead.

Melonhead? Yeah, I would have called you
Mr.

Clean, but you're 40 years too old and
50 pounds too flat.

I wouldn't talk if I were you.

You look like a smurf with a gland
problem.

Mr. Yutsov, we'll refund your money.

Tempo shampoo fried his head.

Hello?

Oh, Mrs. Rufferman.

Oh, you tried Lady Contempo massage oil.

lady can temple and make mincemeat out
of.

I can't. Daddy's flying me to the Mayo
Clinic.

Hold the mayo.

Itching will go away.

I'm sure it will.

I'm sorry, Margo.

Not as sorry as you're gonna be when you
get the bill.

Look, everybody, I'll go and get
dressed.

Then we'll go down to the Lady Contempo
headquarters, calmly explain our

problem, and request a refund for our
capital investment.

Well, what if they don't give it back?

This is room 315.

Maybe they went to lunch.

I wonder what they're having.

Good afternoon, Lady Contempo. All of
our order takers are busy now.

Please hold.

That's the same message I got when I
called.

You could have been on hold all the way
through high school.

Gang, I think we've been had.

Check around.

a clue where he went.

Look what we found.

Here's a bottle of shampoo.

Here's a bottle of Contempo Furniture
Stripper.

It's the same stuff with different
labels.

No wonder my hair fell out.

I'm lucky I have skin.

And look.

The face.

is in the same jar as the kitchen floor
wet.

Well, at least your face won't get waxy
yellow buildup.

Hey, what are you folks doing here?

It's him!

Hey, what are you doing, lady?

I'm getting you ready for a contemptible
coffin.

Chicago Police Department?

Sergeant Denko from Punco.

Oh, pleased to meet you. Yeah. I'm a
registered nurse.

I want you to consider that deep muscle
massage on the house.

Have you caught these guys yet?

Nah, it's the third time I've missed
them.

They set up in a boiler room like this,
make a couple of hundred calls, and reel

in some gullible dolts who throw their
cash after a pipe dream.

Boy, do I feel stupid.

This guy's been working scams all across
the country.

He preys on people's greed and the
desire to make a quick million.

And if it's not cosmetics, it's cheap
condos or free Hawaiian holidays.

In some cases, people lose their life
savings and end up looking like that.

Well, if folks come with me, we'll make
a statement.

Well, whatever it takes to book them,
Dan -o.

You're welcome.

Aren't you coming, Punky?

There's something I don't understand.

That guy who called me was out to rob me
from the very beginning?

I'm afraid so.

Why would anyone do that?

Some people just aren't as honest as
they should be.

I'll never trust anyone again.

No, that's not the answer either.

Remember the first time you fell off
your bike?

Yeah, that hurt.

But you didn't throw your bike away.

Kept on riding.

Only you became more careful.

It's the same with people.

Just because you meet one bad one, you
don't stop trusting everyone.

You just become more careful.

That's pretty smart.

I'm so smart.

Why am I the only guy in Chicago who
loves his money and his hair?

Hello, Kate.

Which one of you clowns this lady can
temple?