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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:14,814 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 2 00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:30,296 [ DRAGONETTE'S "OUR SUMMER" PLAYS ] 3 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,467 ♪ GETS, GETS BETTER, BETTER 4 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:40,640 ♪ OUR SUMMER OUT WEST, OUR SUMMER IS SEX ♪ 5 00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:43,276 ♪ OUR SUMMER JUST GETS BETTER 6 00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:46,346 ♪ OUR SUMMER OUT WEST, OUR SUMMER IS SEX ♪ 7 00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:48,681 ♪ OUR SUMMER JUST GETS BETTER, BETTER ♪ 8 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,818 ♪ I DON'T NEED NO WEEKEND TELLING ME WHEN TO BEGIN, AH ♪ 9 00:00:51,851 --> 00:00:54,220 YOU STAY UPSTAIRS UNTIL I CALL YOU DOWN FOR DINNER 10 00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,823 ♪ SINGLE LADIES WANT A RING ON IT, I SHAKE A FINGER ♪ 11 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:58,558 ♪ LET IT BE, I'LL CALL YOU PAUL ♪ 12 00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,160 ♪ PAUL, YOU CALL ME LINDA 13 00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:02,762 ♪ SINGLE LADIES WANT A RING ON IT, AH ♪ 14 00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,398 ♪ I SHAKE A FINGER, I SHAKE A FINGER ♪ 15 00:01:05,432 --> 00:01:06,866 ♪ ALL THE SINGLE LADIES WANT A RING ♪ 16 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,568 ♪ I SHAKE A FINGER 17 00:01:08,601 --> 00:01:11,171 ♪ WE'RE JUST HAVING FUN IF YOU GOT TO ORDER ♪ 18 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:14,307 ♪ OUR SUMMER OUT WEST, OUR SUMMER IS SEX ♪ 19 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:16,843 ♪ OUR SUMMER JUST GETS BETTER 20 00:01:16,876 --> 00:01:19,679 ♪ OUR SUMMER OUT WEST, OUR SUMMER IS SEX ♪ 21 00:01:19,712 --> 00:01:23,450 ♪ OUR SUMMER JUST GETS, GETS BETTER, BETTER ♪ 22 00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,853 ♪ AH, AH, AH 23 00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:29,222 ♪ BETTER, BETTER, AH 24 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:33,560 ♪ AH, AH, BETTER, BETTER 25 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,895 ♪ OUR SUMMER IS SEX, WE GET SO WET ABOUT THE WEATHER ♪ 26 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,765 ♪ SHE TELL YOU NO 'CAUSE SHE WANT AVOID A COMMITMENT ♪ 27 00:01:38,798 --> 00:01:41,668 ♪ SHE RESISTS, BUT YOU PERSIST, AND I SUGGEST HER SISTER ♪ 28 00:01:41,701 --> 00:01:44,737 ♪ SHE'S A GO-GETTER, SHE SAY NO, NEVER ♪ 29 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,307 ♪ SHE'S A GO-GETTER, SHE NEVER SAY NO ♪ 30 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,909 ♪ THE SIGN SAYS OPEN, DOESN'T EVER SAY CLOSED ♪ 31 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,946 ♪ I PUT A TWENTY ON HER, SHE'S GOOD TO GO ♪ 32 00:01:52,979 --> 00:01:55,715 ♪ I BET YOU GET HER, SHE SAY NO, NEVER ♪ 33 00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:58,818 ♪ OUR SUMMER OUT WEST, OUR SUMMER IS SEX ♪ 34 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,654 ♪ OUR SUMMER JUST GETS BETTER 35 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:04,491 ♪ OUR SUMMER OUT WEST, OUR SUMMER IS SEX ♪ 36 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:07,627 ♪ OUR SUMMER JUST GETS, GETS BETTER, BETTER ♪ 37 00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:12,398 Tanner: EVER NOTICE HOW IN HIGH SCHOOL 38 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,467 THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT BEING FIRST, 39 00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:17,337 LIKE THAT GIRL WHO'S ALWAYS FIRST TO RAISE HER HAND 40 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:20,807 OR THAT FIRST KID TO OWN EVERY NEW CUTTING-EDGE iTHINGY? 41 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:25,745 THERE'S SO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE A TREND-SETTER, A PIONEER. 42 00:02:25,778 --> 00:02:27,580 WELL, NOT ME. 43 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:31,551 TANNER DANIELS WAS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER AVERAGE COMIC-BOOK GEEK, 44 00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:34,287 MORE THAN CONTENT TO FLY UNDER THE RADAR 45 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,556 AND LEAVE THE TRAILBLAZING TO THE OTHERS. 46 00:02:36,589 --> 00:02:39,792 AFTER ALL, OF THE MANY FIRSTS MY PEERS WERE VYING FOR, 47 00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,762 ONE STILL REMAINED CONSPICUOUSLY UP FOR GRABS. 48 00:02:42,795 --> 00:02:45,498 NEVER IN THE HISTORY OF NORTH GATEWAY HIGH 49 00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:47,634 HAD ANY STUDENT ADMITTED OUT LOUD 50 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:51,404 TO BEING AN HONEST-TO-GOODNESS, CARD-CARRYING, PROUD -- 51 00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:54,307 OR EVEN SLIGHTLY MODEST -- HOMOSEXUAL, 52 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,576 INCLUDING ME AND MY BEST FRIEND, BRENT. 53 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,379 EXPLAIN THIS TO ME AGAIN. HOW WILL BEING THE FIRST OUT KID 54 00:02:59,412 --> 00:03:01,614 IN SCHOOL MAKE YOU INSTANTLY POPULAR? 55 00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,918 IT'S SIMPLE. ALL THE TEEN AND TWEEN RAGS AGREE -- 56 00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:07,921 THE HOTTEST NEW TREND SWEEPING SCHOOLS WORLDWIDE 57 00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:10,590 IS THE G.B.F. 58 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:12,859 G.B.F.? GAY BEST FRIEND. 59 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:15,528 EVERY CELEB HAS ONE, SO EVERY TEEN GIRL NEEDS ONE. 60 00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:18,298 AND PRETTY SOON, ALL THREE PROM-QUEEN FRONT-RUNNERS 61 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,500 WILL BE BATTLING IT OUT FOR MY ATTENTION. 62 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,035 [ VEVA'S "H.E.R." PLAYS ] 63 00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:24,370 ♪ H 64 00:03:24,404 --> 00:03:25,905 ♪ E 65 00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,508 ♪ R 66 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:32,512 Tanner: THREE POWERFUL CLIQUES CONTROLLED NORTH GATEWAY HIGH, 67 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:33,947 AND THE QUEEN BITCH FROM EACH 68 00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,616 RULED OUR SCHOOL FROM NEARLY EVERY DIRECTION. 69 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:39,752 CAPRICE WINTERS DOMINATED 70 00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:42,422 AS QUEEN OF DRAMA, ALL THREE KINDS OF CHOIR, 71 00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:45,558 AND OUR SCHOOL'S LOOSE NETWORK OF MINORITY STUDENTS. 72 00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:49,062 THEN THERE WAS 'SHLEY OSGOODE, SHORT FOR "ASHLEY," 73 00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:51,464 WHICH WAS ABOUT AS EDGY AS SHE GOT. 74 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:54,367 WITH HER PERPETUALLY SUNNY MORMON DISPOSITION, 75 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,036 'SHLEY RULED ALL WEARERS OF SHINY GOLD CROSSES 76 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,339 AND GOODY-TWO-SHOES. 77 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:03,676 BUT NEITHER COULD HOLD A CANDLE TO FAWCETT BROOKS. 78 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,478 BY FAR THE HOTTEST GIRL IN SCHOOL 79 00:04:05,511 --> 00:04:07,380 AND EMPRESS OF THE RICH AND POPULAR, 80 00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:10,683 FAWCETT LOVED FADS AND HATED FATTIES. 81 00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,652 HER TRADEMARK GOLDEN TRESSES 82 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:15,355 HAD WON HER "BEST HAIR" THREE YEARS IN A ROW, 83 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:16,956 AN UNPRECEDENTED ACHIEVEMENT 84 00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:20,960 BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A SENIOR TO WIN. 85 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,930 LIKE NEIGHBORING WARLORDS IN A THIRD-WORLD COUNTRY, 86 00:04:23,963 --> 00:04:27,033 THEY MAINTAINED AN UNEASY BALANCE OF POWER, 87 00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,635 FRIENDLY BUT ALWAYS VIGILANT 88 00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:30,770 OF ANYTHING THAT COULD UPSET THE TRUCE 89 00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:34,007 AND CREATE ALL-OUT SOCIAL WARFARE. 90 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,709 SO, I'M THINKING PROM, FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT. 91 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,611 THAT WAY, NO MATTER WHO WINS KING OR QUEEN, 92 00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:39,979 ALL ANYONE WILL REMEMBER IS ME. 93 00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:42,882 WHY NOT SEND OUT A MASS TEXT AND BE DONE WITH IT? 94 00:04:42,915 --> 00:04:44,450 "F.Y.I., I LIKE GUYS. 95 00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:46,119 NOW LET'S NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN." 96 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:48,721 TANNER, YOU CANNOT COME OUT VIA TEXT. THAT IS SO GAY. 97 00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:52,792 WELL, YOU CAN COUNT ME OUT -- ER, IN, I GUESS. 98 00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:54,961 OH, HOW VERY EARLY 2000s OF YOU. I'M SO NOT SURPRISED. 99 00:04:54,994 --> 00:04:57,397 YEAH, GLENN HERE IS MORE LIKELY TO COME OUT THAN TANNER, 100 00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:59,799 AND HE IS OUR TOKEN VAGINA ENTHUSIAST. 101 00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:01,634 DAMN STRAIGHT. LITERALLY. 102 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:05,438 LOOK, IT'S NOT A MATTER OF IF I'M COMING OUT. OF COURSE I AM. 103 00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:09,475 IT'S THE "WHEN" I'M STILL WORKING ON. 104 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:11,611 I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'D BE HAPPY 105 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,846 BEING SOME VAPID WHORE'S SEXLESS ACCESSORY. 106 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,715 AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THIS PLAN WILL EVEN WORK? 107 00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:18,584 OH, YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN DOING MY RECONNAISSANCE. 108 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,053 All: READY? OKAY! 109 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,622 Brent: FAWCETT'S THE OBVIOUS PROM-QUEEN FRONT-RUNNER, 110 00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,591 BUT SINCE MEGA-HOTTIE HAMILTON SMITH DUMPED HER LAST WEEK, 111 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:28,027 SHE'S VULNERABLE, AND SHE'LL BE LOOKING FOR AN EDGE... 112 00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,929 WHOO! ...ANY EDGE. 113 00:05:29,962 --> 00:05:32,165 WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? YOU GUYS WERE TOTALLY OUT OF SYNC. 114 00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,434 IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, LADIES. 115 00:05:34,467 --> 00:05:37,036 [ SCOFFS ] PLEASE. THEIR "MUST-HAVE" LIST IS SO FIVE MINUTES AGO. 116 00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:39,772 LET'S HEAR IT. THIS MONTH'S ARE... 117 00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,708 TOTALLY BEDAZZLED VINTAGE TOTES, 118 00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,543 CHUNKY CASHMERE IRONIC SHRUGS... 119 00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:44,877 BEEN THERE, WORN THAT. 120 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,146 ...DISTRESSED JEGGINGS... CUTE! 121 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,915 I PRACTICALLY INVENTED THEM. 122 00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:50,683 COLD LANGU. 123 00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:53,086 ...AND A G.B.F. 124 00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:56,122 IT -- IT STANDS FOR -- I KNOW WHAT IT STANDS FOR. 125 00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,560 WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT THAT THE SCHOOL IS DEVOID OF THE GAY. 126 00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:02,762 I MEAN, IF THERE WERE SOME, THEY'D OBVI WORSHIP ME. 127 00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:05,131 I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS. 128 00:06:05,164 --> 00:06:06,766 NO, NO, TOTALLY. THEY'D WORSHIP YOU. 129 00:06:06,799 --> 00:06:08,634 LIKE, LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE, LIKE, BEAUTIFUL, LIKE... 130 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:10,837 Tanner: OKAY, SO, FAWCETT MIGHT FALL FOR IT, 131 00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:13,740 BUT WHAT MAKES YOU THINK A SUPER-CHRIS LIKE 'SHLEY OSGOODE 132 00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:14,941 WOULD EVER WANT A G.B.F.? 133 00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,609 'SHLEY IS MORMON. HEY, GLENN. 134 00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:18,745 THEIR WHOLE SHTICK IS JUST BEING RELENTLESSLY NICE TO YOU 135 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,214 UNTIL YOU GIVE UP AND THROW ON A PAIR OF THEIR MAGIC UNDERWEAR. 136 00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:23,516 YEAH, THEY SMILE TO YOUR FACE AND PROP-8 YOU IN THE BACK. 137 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:27,620 I CAN'T BELIEVE OUR GODLESS PEERS READ THIS BLASPHEMY. 138 00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:30,123 THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE SIN SEEM "IN." 139 00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:31,958 I DON'T KNOW. 140 00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:34,093 DON'T YOU EVER THINK IT WOULD BE KIND OF NEAT TO MEET ONE? 141 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,796 LIKE A REAL, LIVE GAY? WHAT? 142 00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:38,898 YOU KNOW, WE COULD BRING HIM YOUTH GROUP 143 00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,167 OR TAKE HIM OUT FOR MILKSHAKES OR SOMETHING. 144 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,469 AND THEN IF WE'RE ALL SUPER-DUPER NICE TO HIM, 145 00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,138 MAYBE HE'D REALIZE THAT THE ONLY PERSON 146 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,940 HE SHOULD BE GAY FOR IS JESUS. 147 00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:51,577 'SHLEY, YOU CAN'T JUST BEFRIEND THESE PEOPLE. 148 00:06:51,611 --> 00:06:52,812 THEY'RE OUT TO STEAL 149 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:57,116 OUR BROTHERS, BOYFRIENDS, OUR GERBILS, 150 00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,519 ALL AS PART OF A SECRET AGENDA 151 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,154 TO SPREAD THEIR GAYBIES ALL OVER AMERICA. 152 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:03,222 [ GASPS ] AWW. GAY BABIES? 153 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:06,192 NO! LIKE -- LIKE GAY RABIES. 154 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:08,161 [ Coughing ] BITCH! 155 00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:11,264 Brent: 'SHLEY WILL TRY TO BEFRIEND ME AND CONVERT ME, 156 00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:13,199 AND THAT'LL MAKE FAWCETT WANT ME EVEN MORE. 157 00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,934 SO, WHAT ABOUT CAPRICE? PLEASE. 158 00:07:14,967 --> 00:07:18,204 MISS CAPRICE CANNOT STAND NOT BEING THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. 159 00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:20,840 YOU ALL SAW HER MOSTLY PLAGIARIZED MUSICAL MASH-UP 160 00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:22,708 OF "MEAN GIRLS" LAST SPRING. 161 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:26,078 ♪ MEAN GIRLS 162 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:29,115 ♪ MEAN PLASTIC GIRLS 163 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:33,019 ♪ I'M COMING TO GET YOU WHEREVER YOU TURN ♪ 164 00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:36,255 ♪ I'M WRITING YOUR NAME IN THE BOOK OF BURN ♪ 165 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,824 THAT ACTUALLY COULD HAVE BEEN KIND OF BRILLIANT. 166 00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,292 BUT IT WASN'T. 167 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,960 CAPRICE NEEDS A GAY VISIONARY 168 00:07:40,993 --> 00:07:44,530 TO SHEPHERD HER CAREER TOWARDS ICONIC DIVA-DOM. 169 00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,732 I JUST HOPE EVERYTHING GOES ACCORDING TO PLAN. 170 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,734 YOU WON'T FORGET US WHEN YOU'RE IN A NEW 171 00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:50,970 SOCIAL STRATOSPHERE, WILL YOU? NO PROMISES. 172 00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:52,605 OH, MY GOD! IS THAT THE NEW ONE?! 173 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,006 OH, SWEET, DUDE! 174 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,043 AND I STILL CARRY THE LAST FLIP PHONE ON THE PLANET. 175 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:59,278 WE ARE SO DOWNLOADING GUYDAR. 176 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,881 WHAT THE HELL IS GUYDAR? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 177 00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:05,551 IT'S THE NEW APP THAT LETS GAY GUYS FIND OTHER GAY GUYS 178 00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:08,054 THROUGH STATE-OF-THE-ART, GLOBALLY POSITIONED TECHNOLOGY. 179 00:08:08,087 --> 00:08:10,056 SHE KNOWS. I ONLY KNOW ABOUT IT 180 00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:12,291 BECAUSE BRENT HERE TRIED TO DOWNLOAD IT ONTO MY PHONE. 181 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,561 YEAH, AND HETERO BUZZKILL HERE TOTALLY COCK-BLOCKED ME. 182 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:17,330 I'M NOT SOILING MY PRISTINE PHONE 183 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:19,232 WITH SOME SLUTTY GAY HOOKUP APP. 184 00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:21,667 TANNER, WE'RE NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING. 185 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,669 WE'RE JUST GONNA SEE IF THERE ARE 186 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,571 ANY OTHER GAY GUYS IN THIS TOWN 187 00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:28,040 AND FIND OUT HOW MANY CUBIC FEET AWAY THEY ARE FROM US. 188 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,742 IT'S SCIENCE. 189 00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,811 AND IT'S ABOUT TO CHANGE OUR LIVES. 190 00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:35,581 Tanner: WHICH WAS ACTUALLY TRUE, BUT NOT IN THE WAY WE IMAGINED. 191 00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:37,116 BUT IT ISN'T FAIR, MS. HOEGEL. 192 00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:40,253 I'M SORRY, SOLEDAD, BUT THE SCHOOL BOARD WAS CLEAR. 193 00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:42,989 NOW, WE CAN'T HAVE A GAY/STRAIGHT ALLIANCE 194 00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,891 WITHOUT AN ACTUAL GAY MEMBER. 195 00:08:44,924 --> 00:08:46,659 JUST BECAUSE WE'RE ALL STRAIGHT 196 00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:49,262 DOESN'T MEAN THAT THERE AREN'T GAY KIDS AT THIS SCHOOL. 197 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:51,797 MY FUTURE G.B.F. IS JUST WAITING TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET 198 00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:53,866 AND TELL ME HOW FIERCE I AM. 199 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,369 PLEASE, MS. "H," THIS CLUB IS ALL I HAVE. 200 00:08:56,402 --> 00:09:01,107 IS THIS ABOUT HELPING QUEER AND QUESTIONING KIDS OR YOURSELF? 201 00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:02,909 IT'S ALL FOR THE GAYS! 202 00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:06,345 THEY NEED TO AT LEAST KNOW THIS GROUP EXISTS. 203 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,848 WHAT IF VIOLA HERE CAME OUT AS A LESBIAN? 204 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,651 HEY! I'M STRICTLY DICKLY, YO. 205 00:09:11,684 --> 00:09:13,319 JUST TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM. 206 00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:16,355 NOW, SOLEDAD! OR THE FACT THAT BRAXTON HAS TWO MOMMIES -- 207 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,324 THAT HAS GOT TO COUNT FOR SOMETHING. 208 00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:20,893 AND BOTH MRS. COOPER-CULLINS WERE SO HELPFUL 209 00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,962 IN ORGANIZING LAST MONTH'S VEGAN BAKE SALE. 210 00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:24,764 MOMS SAY HI, BY THE WAY. 211 00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:26,766 [ CHUCKLES ] HI, MOMS. 212 00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:30,703 BUT IT'S SIMPLY NOT ENOUGH, I'M AFRAID. 213 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,809 PLEASE, MS. HOEGEL, JUST BUY ME A FEW MORE WEEKS. 214 00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:38,377 LIKE, I WILL FIND A REAL-LIFE GAY, 215 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,646 EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG THE LITTLE TEEN QUEEN 216 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,914 OUT OF THE CLOSET MYSELF. 217 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:43,683 SOLEDAD, I DON'T WANT YOU CONDUCTING 218 00:09:43,716 --> 00:09:45,151 SOME SORT OF A GAY WITCH-HUNT. 219 00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:47,687 NO, OF COURSE NOT, MS. HOEGEL. GIVE IT TIME. 220 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,056 ONE DAY YOU WILL MEET THE GAY OF YOUR DREAMS, 221 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,824 AND IT WILL BE THE HAPPIEST, 222 00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,759 MOST FULFILLING DAY OF YOUR LIFE. 223 00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:57,163 THEN IT'S ALL DOWNHILL FROM THERE. 224 00:09:57,196 --> 00:09:59,165 [ SIGHS ] 225 00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,838 HI, THERE, SOLEDAD. OR WHATEVER. 226 00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:08,107 YOU'RE PREZ OF THE SCHOOL'S CURRENTLY GAY-LESS 227 00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,443 G.S.A., RIGHT? YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 228 00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,112 COULDN'T HELP BUT OVERHEAR YOUR DILEM. 229 00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:16,082 I MIGHT HAVE AN IDEA THAT COULD HELP YOU OUT. 230 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:19,986 KEEP UP. 231 00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,721 THE WI-FI PASSWORD IS "LILO." 232 00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:24,757 OH, HEY, GUYS. WHERE'S THE FIRE? OH! HI, MOM. 233 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:27,994 UM, WE JUST GOT THIS REALLY TOUGH MATH ASSIGNMENT, SO... 234 00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,695 OH. MATH. 235 00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,764 IT'S GONNA BE, LIKE, A REALLY TOUGH NUT TO BUST. 236 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,065 T-T-Y-L! 237 00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,800 LATER, MRS. VAN CAMP. 238 00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:39,171 BE SAFE! W-WITH YOUR MATH. 239 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:42,842 YOUR MOM TOTALLY KNOWS AND ALSO THINKS WE'RE DOING IT. 240 00:10:42,875 --> 00:10:44,910 WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL HER? 241 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:47,113 OH, SHE'S SO SMUG, DROPPING HER LITTLE HINTS. 242 00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:49,148 I'M NOT GONNA GIVE HER THE SATISFACTION. 243 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,183 MAYBE WHEN SHE GETS THE BALLS TO ASK ME. 244 00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,486 MAYBE SHE'S JUST RESPECTING YOUR PRIVACY. 245 00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:56,722 SHE WANTS TO MILK THIS FOR ALL THE DRAMA IT'S WORTH. 246 00:10:56,756 --> 00:10:59,425 TRUST. I AM HER SON, AFTER ALL. 247 00:10:59,458 --> 00:11:03,129 [ VEVA'S "LOVE GUN" PLAYS ] 248 00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:06,432 [ CHUCKLES ] 249 00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:14,407 DO WE HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS HEINOUS POP DANCE CRAP? 250 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,075 SHUT UP. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT. 251 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:19,045 ♪ WHY SHOULD I BE A VICTIM OF THIS LOVE? ♪ 252 00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:21,947 ♪ WHY SHOULD I FEEL SO ASHAMED? ♪ 253 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:25,017 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] Mrs. Van Camp: KNOCK, KNOCK! 254 00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,452 WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?! 255 00:11:26,485 --> 00:11:27,987 EVERYBODY DECENT? 256 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,155 YEAH, MOM. 257 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:31,223 NO, I'M SERIOUS. YES, WE'RE DECENT! 258 00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,459 OH, GOD. OKAY, GOOD. WHEW! JUST CHECKING. 259 00:11:33,492 --> 00:11:37,463 OH, O-M-G! THIS BE MY JAM. WHOO! 260 00:11:37,496 --> 00:11:39,398 HEY, YOU BOYS HAVE ANY POPPERS? 261 00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,534 A POPPER WOULD REALLY HIT THE SPOT RIGHT ABOUT NOW. 262 00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:46,972 MOM, UM, YEAH, THIS, UM, DANCE PARTY IS INVITATION-ONLY, SO... 263 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,842 I SIMPLY CAME UP TO TELL YOU BOYS 264 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:55,214 THAT I WON'T BE BACK UP HERE FOR AT LEAST ONE HOUR OR SO. 265 00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:58,250 RELAX. DO YOUR THING. GET CRAZY. 266 00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,885 THANKS. I'M GOOD WITH IT. 267 00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:01,987 THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. BYE! YEAH. GREAT. ALL RIGHT. 268 00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:05,157 NOW THAT WE'VE BANISHED THE BEAST, 269 00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,460 LET'S DOWNLOAD THAT APP AND FIND US SOME MENS. 270 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,528 WHAT IF WE SEE SOMEONE WE KNOW ON THERE 271 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,064 OR SOMEONE FINDS MY PHONE? 272 00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:14,166 IT'S MY ASS ON THE LINE. 273 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,035 TAN, PLEASE, 274 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,170 IF I DON'T AT LEAST GET MY MAKEOUT ON BEFORE COLLEGE, 275 00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:20,005 I'LL BE PLAYING SEXUAL CATCH-UP FOR YEARS. 276 00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:21,540 I JUST WANT TO FIND OUT IF THERE ARE 277 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,243 ANY OTHER GAY GUYS THERE THAT, YOU KNOW, AREN'T YOU. 278 00:12:24,276 --> 00:12:26,078 YOU KNOW, NO OFFENSE. 279 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,380 [ SIGHS ] 280 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,816 [ CHUCKLES ] OKAY, FINE. 281 00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:32,818 BUT WE'RE GONNA NEED A PROFILE PICTURE FIRST. 282 00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:34,887 SAY "CHEESE." CHEDDAR! 283 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:35,988 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 284 00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,523 LET ME SEE. 285 00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:39,859 NO. 286 00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:41,894 TH-- HEY! [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 287 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,196 RELAX. YOU'LL JUST BE ANOTHER HEADLESS TORSO 288 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,898 IN A SEA OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM. 289 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,067 P.S. -- YOUR ABS AIN'T TOO BAD, MR. FOUR-PACK. 290 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,935 REALLY? 291 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,004 HMM. 292 00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,874 NOW LET'S SEE WHAT THE FILTHY GAYS OF NORTH GATEWAY THINK OF THEM. 293 00:12:54,907 --> 00:12:56,942 YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA? 294 00:12:56,976 --> 00:13:00,312 WAS DRAKE ON "DEGRASSI"? THE ANSWER IS YES. 295 00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:02,047 BAD-ASS RAPPER DRAKE 296 00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:04,617 WAS ON A WHOLESOME CANADIAN AFTER-SCHOOL SOAP OPERA. 297 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,552 NEVER FORGET. 298 00:13:06,585 --> 00:13:08,287 Tanner: WE HAD LITTLE LUCK 299 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,923 CHATTING UP DUDES ON GUYDAR THAT NIGHT, 300 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,125 BUT THE NEXT DAY, SOLEDAD AND HER SWARM 301 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,461 OF BLOSSOMING FRUIT FLIES WERE PREPARING 302 00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:17,396 TO PUT THE APP TO MUCH BETTER USE. 303 00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,632 Soledad: OKAY, LADIES, SOMEWHERE IN THIS SCHOOL, 304 00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,300 THERE'S A SEXUALLY CONFUSED BOY 305 00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,269 WITH NO ONE TO TURN TO AND NOWHERE TO GO. 306 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:27,473 SO WE MUST HUNT HIM DOWN -- TO HELP HIM, OF COURSE. 307 00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:29,441 ACCORDING TO A VERY KNOWLEDGEABLE SOURCE 308 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,277 ON WHAT'S IN STYLE, THIS GUYDAR THING 309 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,013 IS ALL THE RAGE WITH THE GAYS, ESPECIALLY THE CLOSET CASES. 310 00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:36,215 SO, WE ALL GOT OUR FAUX-MO AVATARS READY, RIGHT? 311 00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:39,552 YEP. MINE'S OF ROBERT PATTINSON'S AIR-BRUSHED TORSO. 312 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,487 THAT'S WHAT THEY LIKE, RIGHT? TOTALLY. 313 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,322 AND YOU'VE GOT ZAC EFRON. PERFECT. 314 00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:45,324 AND PERSEPHONE'S ROCKING ADAM LAMBERT. 315 00:13:45,357 --> 00:13:47,626 OH, GREAT. I THINK WE GOT ALL OUR BASES COVERED. 316 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,329 LET THE MANHUNT BEGIN! [ LAUGHTER ] 317 00:13:50,362 --> 00:13:51,330 OH, SHIT! 318 00:13:51,363 --> 00:13:53,232 WHAT WAS THAT? 319 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,434 OH, UM, NOTHING. 320 00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,470 JUST STATING THE OBVIOUS IN HERE. 321 00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,639 EW. LET'S GO. 322 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,943 SHIT. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT. 323 00:14:03,976 --> 00:14:06,445 [ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ] 324 00:14:10,950 --> 00:14:13,118 Mr. Slatsky: TANNER! HAND IT OVER. 325 00:14:13,152 --> 00:14:15,087 YOU'LL GET IT BACK AT THE END OF THE DAY. 326 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,323 Shit. 327 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:19,491 COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. COME ON. SHIT! 328 00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,031 MONTAG. 329 00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:27,266 Students: MONTAG. 330 00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:28,500 DIENSTAG. 331 00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,035 DIENSTAG. 332 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:31,237 MITTWOCH. 333 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,571 MITTWOCH. 334 00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,139 DONNERSTAG. 335 00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:35,674 [ CELLPHONE RINGING ] WHAT'S UP, BITCH? 336 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,577 HERR BRENT. 337 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:39,945 EIN MOMENT, FRAU BURKHARDT. 338 00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:49,188 OH, SCHEISSE. 339 00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:53,058 OOH, I GOT ONE! 4PACKBOY95. 340 00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:54,193 HE'S 400 FEET AWAY. 341 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,495 I GOT HIM, TOO! THIS WAY! 342 00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:59,231 YEAH! 343 00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,733 GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NOW! NOW! 344 00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,234 OH, MY GOD, BRENT! 345 00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,536 YOU'RE OBSESSED WITH THAT STUPID APP. 346 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,606 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. SOLEDAD AND HER GAGGLE OF JUNIOR HACKS 347 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,142 ARE USING GUYDAR TO TRACK GAYS AT THE SCHOOL. 348 00:15:10,175 --> 00:15:13,178 OH, MY GOD. SLATSKY TOOK MY PHONE IN THIRD PERIOD. 349 00:15:13,212 --> 00:15:14,713 IT'S STILL SIGNED ON. 350 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:17,416 I AM NOT TAKING THE FALL FOR THIS! 351 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,385 TIME FOR THE BIG, DRAMATIC COMING-OUT YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED. 352 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,153 WAIT. NO, NO, NO, NO! THIS IS NOT HOW I PLANNED IT. 353 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:23,355 P-P-PROM IS MONTHS AWAY! 354 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:24,490 IT'S COMING FROM IN HERE. 355 00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:26,125 WE ARE HERE TO HELP. COME ON, GUYS. 356 00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,394 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? 357 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,562 WHO DO THESE HAIRLESS ABS BELONG TO? 358 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,238 THE SIGNAL'S COMING FROM THE FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM... 359 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:40,339 YOU HAVE TWO SECONDS TO -- 360 00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:41,774 ...FROM RIGHT AROUND... 361 00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,642 MR. SLATSKY'S DESK?! 362 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,644 MR. SLATSKY? MR. SLATSKY? 363 00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,446 YOU'RE MARRIED TO A LADY, 364 00:15:47,479 --> 00:15:50,349 AND THESE ARE CLEARLY NOT YOUR ABS. 365 00:15:50,382 --> 00:15:52,151 THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING. 366 00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:54,053 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 367 00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:56,221 WAIT! IT'S NOT MR. SLATSKY'S. 368 00:15:56,255 --> 00:15:58,057 TANNER, I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD. 369 00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,591 THIS IS YOUR CELLPHONE, CORRECT? 370 00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:05,431 I-I GUESS IT IS. 371 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,668 YOU'RE THE SECRET GAY. 372 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,271 BUT YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT FABULOUS. 373 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:15,207 I... 374 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,109 GUESS I AM... 375 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,445 N-NOT FABULOUS, BUT GAY. 376 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,480 I'M GAY, I GUESS. 377 00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:27,519 OH, WE'VE GOT ONE, OUR VERY OWN HOMOSEXUAL! 378 00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:29,655 [ SHRIEKING ] 379 00:16:29,688 --> 00:16:33,459 TWEET THIS RIGHT NOW. 380 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,762 WE DID IT! I'M SO EXCITED! 381 00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:39,498 [ CELLPHONES BEEPING ] 382 00:16:39,531 --> 00:16:42,167 [ STUDENTS MURMURING ] 383 00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:45,738 WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, FAG-OFF? 384 00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:47,272 WHAT, ARE YOU -- 385 00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:50,142 WHAT, ARE YOU CHECKING OUT MY...BALLS? 386 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,444 YOU TRYING TO CHECK OUT MY BALLS? 387 00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:55,581 TANNER! WAIT! WAIT! I'M YOUR FRIEND! 388 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,717 LEAVE HIM ALONE, YOU DESPERATE PSYCHO-BITCH. WHOA. 389 00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,152 THAT WAS REALLY MEAN. OH, REALLY? 390 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,820 ARE YOU A PSYCHO, AND ARE YOU A BITCH? 391 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,689 I AM HIS BEST FRIEND. Tanner: I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT. 392 00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:05,491 I'D BEEN SO CAREFUL FOR 17 YEARS. 393 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,226 I MEAN, I LEARNED HOW TO CLEAR 394 00:17:07,259 --> 00:17:09,094 THE INTERNET HISTORY WHEN I WAS 11. 395 00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:12,464 ONE STUPID SLIP-UP HAD COST ME EVERYTHING, 396 00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:14,800 AND I HAD ONE PERSON TO BLAME. 397 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,373 HEY, GIRL, HEY. 398 00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:24,743 "HEY"? THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY? 399 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:27,880 I'M SORRY. I-I FREAKED. IT HAPPENED SO FAST. I -- 400 00:17:27,913 --> 00:17:30,182 YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO COME OUT! 401 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:32,551 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET ME TAKE THE FALL! 402 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:33,685 Shh. PLEASE. OKAY, LOOK. 403 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,287 MAYBE YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND, 404 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,122 YOU KNOW, LIKE PRETEND IT WAS A JOKE. 405 00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,558 YOU CAN'T "NO HOMO" THIS, BRENT. 406 00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:41,527 I'M BASICALLY A DEAD MAN, 407 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,495 AND WHAT KILLS ME IS YOU'RE THE QUEENY ONE. 408 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:45,164 THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS COME OUT 409 00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:46,899 AND TAKE YOUR SHARE OF THE DAILY BEATINGS. 410 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:49,701 I CAN'T. I MEAN, IT WOULD BE, YOU KNOW, PATHETIC, 411 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,470 LIKE I'M COPYING YOU OR SOMETHING. 412 00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:53,639 YOU KNOW WHAT? I BLAME MYSELF. 413 00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:56,275 ALL I EVER DO IS GO WITH THE FLOW, YOUR FLOW 414 00:17:56,308 --> 00:17:57,810 99% OF THE TIME. 415 00:17:57,843 --> 00:18:00,679 OH, PLEASE, TANNER. WE BOTH KNOW YOU LOVE BEING THE SIDEKICK. 416 00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:03,849 OH. SO, I'M THE SIDEKICK? WOW. 417 00:18:03,882 --> 00:18:06,685 WELL, AT LEAST NOW I REALIZE ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOURSELF, 418 00:18:06,718 --> 00:18:09,154 YOU SELF-ABSORBED, GUTLESS LITTLE FAGGOT! 419 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,722 TANNER DANIELS. 420 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:13,759 CHRIST, TANNER. I SAID I'M SORRY. 421 00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:16,161 SORRY, MRS. VAN CAMP, 422 00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,363 BUT I'M ALLOWED TO USE THAT WORD, 423 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,299 SEEING AS HOW I AM ONE... 424 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,535 ...JUST LIKE YOUR SON. 425 00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:28,574 TANNER, YOU HAD NO RIGHT. 426 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,211 WELL, WHAT DO YOU CARE? YOU KNOW SHE KNOWS. 427 00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:34,446 Tanner: IT WAS A TOTAL DICK MOVE, 428 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,749 AND I IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED IT, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. 429 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:41,720 LIKE LEX LUTHOR AND CLARK KENT OR PROFESSOR X AND MAGNETO, 430 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:44,890 BRENT AND I WENT FROM BEST FRIENDS TO ARCHENEMIES 431 00:18:44,923 --> 00:18:46,391 IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. 432 00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:48,560 HEY, TANNER. HOW WAS SCHOOL, HONEY? 433 00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,562 UH, HEY, SHANNON, DAD. 434 00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:55,200 IT WAS UNEVENTFUL, LACKING EVENTS. 435 00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:57,402 WHY? YOU DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING, DID YOU? 436 00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:01,974 NO. WHAT WOULD WE HAVE HEARD ABOUT, TANNER? 437 00:19:02,007 --> 00:19:06,812 NOTHING, OF COURSE, BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE NOTHING THING. 438 00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:08,680 WELL, HONEY, THAT'S GREAT. ARE YOU HUNGRY? 439 00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:11,917 'CAUSE I MADE MY WORLD-FAMOUS, HOMEMADE, GLUTEN-FREE POPSICLES. 440 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:13,485 THEY ARE DELICIOUS. 441 00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,921 OH, I HOPE YOU MADE THEM EXTRA THICK AND FRUITY, 442 00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:17,789 JUST THE WAY TANNER LIKES THEM. 443 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,892 WHAT?! UH, I MEAN, RIGHT. 444 00:19:19,925 --> 00:19:23,495 UH, THANKS FOR FREEZING JUICE ON A STICK FOR ME, SHANNON, 445 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:24,830 BUT I'M GOOD. 446 00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,565 MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE ONE LATER. 447 00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:28,734 MAYBE I'LL HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW. 448 00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,002 OOH. 449 00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:32,538 WHAT FLAVOR DID YOU MAKE? 450 00:19:32,571 --> 00:19:34,640 CHERRY. OHH. 451 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:38,343 Tanner: THE NEXT DAY, I TRIED TO KEEP AN EVEN LOWER PROFILE THAT USUAL, 452 00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:42,414 BUT MY POWER TO GO UNNOTICED HAD BEEN COMPLETELY NEUTRALIZED. 453 00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:44,283 HEY. REMEMBER ME? 454 00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:47,486 HEY, SOPHE. SORRY I HAVEN'T TEXTED/CALLED YOU BACK. 455 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:49,922 I'M JUST REALLY OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW. 456 00:19:49,955 --> 00:19:52,391 LOOK, I KNOW YOU'RE PISSED AT BRENT, 457 00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:54,426 AND, HONESTLY, I WOULD BE, TOO. 458 00:19:54,459 --> 00:19:56,895 BUT WHAT HE DID WAS AN ACCIDENT. 459 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,697 WHAT YOU DID WITH HIS MOM WAS -- WAIT. 460 00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:00,332 REALLY? WOW. 461 00:20:00,365 --> 00:20:03,702 OF ALL PEOPLE, I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO TAKE HIS SIDE. 462 00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:06,605 HE OUTED ME TO THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. 463 00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:09,308 AND PLUS, HIS MOM ALREADY KNEW. 464 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:11,476 BUT IT WASN'T YOUR JOB TO TELL HER, AND YOU KNOW THAT. 465 00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:13,879 YOU KNOW WHAT, SOPHE? I HAVE BIGGER THINGS 466 00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:16,748 TO WORRY ABOUT THAN BRENT'S PSYCHO MAMA DRAMA. 467 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,552 OHH! 468 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,654 WELL, HEY, THERE, TAN TAN. 469 00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:25,657 YOU KNOW, I USED TO THINK YOU WERE A LITTLE FAG. 470 00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:28,694 I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE ACTUALLY A FULL-FLEDGED HOMO! 471 00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,996 THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. 472 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,998 OH, YEAH? OH, YEAH? YOU CALLING ME STUPID? 473 00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,667 YOU CALLING ME STUPID AND GAY? 474 00:20:35,701 --> 00:20:39,471 HAMILTON, TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIM. 475 00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:41,340 BACK OFF, BABE. WE'RE HISTORY, 476 00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:43,909 WHICH MEANS YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. 477 00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,378 HISTORY -- NOW, THAT'S AN APPROPRIATE WORD 478 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,747 BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOUR SEX LIFE IS GONNA BE 479 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,382 IF YOU DON'T LEAVE HIM ALONE. 480 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,551 AFTER ALL, I KNOW THINGS -- 481 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:54,920 TINY, LITTLE, PINKY-SIZED DETAILS. 482 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,089 TOUCH HIM AGAIN, AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE 483 00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,358 TO GET AS MUCH AS A HALF-ASS HANDJOB 484 00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:01,627 FROM SOME FLAG-TWIRLING COLOR GUARD SKANK. 485 00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,862 BITCH, YOU WOULDN'T DARE. 486 00:21:03,895 --> 00:21:05,697 TRY ME. 487 00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,375 YOU OKAY, BABES? 488 00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:18,076 I'M...FINE. 489 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,811 I'M FAWCETT. 490 00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,580 [ LAUGHS ] YEAH, I KNOW. 491 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:23,649 YOU DOING ANYTHING AFTER SCHOOL? 492 00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:26,551 WANT TO GO SIP EXTRA-LARGE LOW-FAT ICED COFFEES 493 00:21:26,585 --> 00:21:28,787 AND TALK SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE? 494 00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:31,790 HEY, THERE, YOU. I LIKE COFFEE, TOO. 495 00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:32,991 I'LL COME WITH. 496 00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:34,960 OOH! [ CHUCKLES ] I LIKE DECAF. 497 00:21:34,993 --> 00:21:37,029 HOW NICE FOR YOU BOTH. 498 00:21:37,062 --> 00:21:41,566 WELL, UH, WE COULD ALL GO TOGETHER? 499 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,436 FINE. WHATEVS. LET'S. 500 00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,705 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ] 501 00:21:53,945 --> 00:21:56,615 SO... 502 00:21:56,648 --> 00:21:59,017 SO, YOU'RE A GAY NOW. 503 00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:01,920 UH, NOT NOW. I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN. 504 00:22:01,953 --> 00:22:03,955 JUST NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS. 505 00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,058 ARE YOU GONNA AUDITION FOR THE SPRING MUSICAL? 506 00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:08,493 'CAUSE WE'RE DOING "THE WIZ," AND WE'RE GONNA NEED, 507 00:22:08,527 --> 00:22:10,162 LIKE, AS MANY MINORITIES AS WE CAN GET. 508 00:22:10,195 --> 00:22:12,964 I'M NOT MUCH FOR THE WHOLE SINGING OR DANCING 509 00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:15,167 OR BEING ONSTAGE THING. 510 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,802 YOU SURE YOU'RE A 'MO? 511 00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:18,904 WHAT GAY STUFF DO YOU, LIKE, LIKE? 512 00:22:18,937 --> 00:22:21,440 UM, I'M INTO COMICS. 513 00:22:21,473 --> 00:22:23,475 LIKE KATHY GRIFFIN? SHE'S HILAR. 514 00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:25,811 UH, NO, LIKE COMIC BOOKS. 515 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,847 THAT'S NOT GAY. THAT'S JUST LAME. 516 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,849 YOU DON'T EVEN SOUND LIKE THE ONES ON BRAVO. 517 00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:33,919 SAY THE WORD "FIERCE." OOH. 518 00:22:33,952 --> 00:22:36,121 YEAH, I DON'T REALLY SAY THAT WORD. 519 00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:38,056 OH, WELL, MAYBE IT'S LIKE CAPRICE. 520 00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:40,125 I MEAN, SHE'S BLACK, BUT SHE DOESN'T TALK LIKE THEM. 521 00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:43,128 EXCUSE ME? WELL, NOT ALL THE TIME. 522 00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:44,963 YEAH, ASHLEY, IT'S LIKE WHEN WE CALL YOU A "MORMON" 523 00:22:44,996 --> 00:22:46,898 BUT FORGET THE SECOND "M." 524 00:22:46,932 --> 00:22:49,668 ANYWAY, WHAT ABOUT THOSE OTHER LOSERS YOU EAT LUNCH WITH? 525 00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:51,136 THEY SEEM WAY GAYER THAN YOU. 526 00:22:51,169 --> 00:22:54,439 OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. I HEARD BRENT IS LIKE SUPER HETERO. 527 00:22:54,473 --> 00:22:56,108 THAT'S WHY THEY'RE ALL FIGHTING. 528 00:22:56,141 --> 00:22:58,944 THAT GLENN, THOUGH -- OH, HE IS WAY TOO CUTE TO BE STRAIGHT. 529 00:22:58,977 --> 00:23:01,012 UH, GLENN IS SO NOT GAY. TRUST ME. 530 00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:04,049 I WOULD KNOW 'CAUSE I'VE GOT THAT GAYDAR THING, RIGHT? 531 00:23:04,082 --> 00:23:07,018 BUT EVEN THAT SOPHIE GIRL -- SHE'S ALWAYS SEEMED LIKE 532 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,920 A MUCHO MUNCHER SUPREME TO ME. 533 00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:11,623 I DON'T THINK SO. I MEAN, SHE HATES ALL THE GUYS 534 00:23:11,656 --> 00:23:14,059 AT THIS SCHOOL, BUT SHE HATES ALL THE GIRLS, TOO. 535 00:23:14,092 --> 00:23:16,828 WELL, TANNER, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW 536 00:23:16,862 --> 00:23:19,030 THAT I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH YOUR HOMOSEXINESS. 537 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,699 I MEAN, IT IS A SIN AND ALL, 538 00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:22,734 BUT WE MORMONS PRETTY MUCH THINK EVERYTHING'S A SIN, 539 00:23:22,768 --> 00:23:25,937 INCLUDING THOSE CAFFEINATED BEVERAGES YOU GUYS ARE SUCKING DOWN RIGHT NOW. 540 00:23:25,971 --> 00:23:28,039 SO, IF YOU'RE ALL GONNA BURN IN HELL FOR AN ETERNITY, 541 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,574 YOU MAY AS WELL HAVE A NICE TIME 542 00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:31,243 BEING ALL QUEER AND STUFF WHILE YOU'RE HERE. 543 00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:33,979 WELL, THAT'S AT LEAST CONSISTENT OF YOU, 'SHLEY. 544 00:23:34,012 --> 00:23:36,648 [ GASPS ] I HAVE AN AMAZEBALLS IDEA. 545 00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:39,084 THIS SATURDAY, WHY DON'T YOU AND ME COME BACK HERE, 546 00:23:39,117 --> 00:23:40,886 AND WE CAN TOTALLY GAY YOU OVER? 547 00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:43,622 OH, AND I KNOW ALL THE STYLISTS AT HEROINE SALON. 548 00:23:43,655 --> 00:23:45,957 I'M SURE THEY CAN GIVE YOU SOMETHING BUTCHY 549 00:23:45,991 --> 00:23:47,259 AND RIHANNA-ESQUE. 550 00:23:47,292 --> 00:23:49,694 I THINK HE JUST NEEDS A TRIM, SWEETIE, 551 00:23:49,728 --> 00:23:50,996 NOT A FULL-BLOWN WEAVE. 552 00:23:51,029 --> 00:23:52,597 THESE ARE CLIPS, BOO. 553 00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:54,499 UM, I-I HAVE A GIFT CARD 554 00:23:54,533 --> 00:23:56,501 TO BANANA REPUBLIC THAT'S HALF FULL. 555 00:23:56,535 --> 00:24:00,672 WELL, PERF. I GUESS WE'LL SEE YOU BOTH THERE. 556 00:24:00,705 --> 00:24:03,041 Tanner: NONE OF THEM WANTED TO SHARE 557 00:24:03,074 --> 00:24:06,211 THE SCHOOL'S NEWEST LIMITED-EDITION STATUS SYMBOL, 558 00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:08,513 AND IF THAT MEANT PRETENDING TO PLAY NICE WITH EACH OTHER, 559 00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:09,915 GAME ON. 560 00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:12,551 THAT WEEKEND, I QUICKLY DISCOVERED THAT IF I WAS 561 00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:15,020 GOING TO ACCEPT THE PROTECTION OF THE "IN" CROWD, 562 00:24:15,053 --> 00:24:16,988 I HAD SOME MAJOR CATCHING-UP TO DO. 563 00:24:17,022 --> 00:24:18,590 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 564 00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:20,826 I THOUGHT WE WERE MEETING AT THE FOOD COURT. 565 00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:22,994 THAT WAS LIKE FOUR TEXTS AGO. COME ON! 566 00:24:23,028 --> 00:24:26,865 Tanner: MY TEXTS-PER-MINUTE AVERAGE WAS EXTREMELY SUBPAR. 567 00:24:26,898 --> 00:24:29,935 I HAD ABOUT 200 COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE PHOTOS OF MYSELF 568 00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,269 TAGGED ON FACEBOOK. 569 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,138 OOH. FAT FACE. DE-TAG. 570 00:24:33,171 --> 00:24:36,908 DE-TAG. DE-TAG. [ GASPS ] DE-TAG! 571 00:24:36,942 --> 00:24:40,212 OH, MY GOD. DE-FRIEND WHOEVER PUT THAT ONE UP! 572 00:24:40,245 --> 00:24:42,113 Tanner: AND I WAS ABOUT THREE MONTHS BEHIND 573 00:24:42,147 --> 00:24:43,615 ON ALL OF THE LATEST ABBREVES. 574 00:24:43,648 --> 00:24:44,816 INCREDSIES. 575 00:24:44,850 --> 00:24:46,117 UGH, FUG, IN THE GOOD WAY. 576 00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:48,720 OHH! THIS ONE IS TALLY "FEROSHE"-BALLS. 577 00:24:48,753 --> 00:24:50,088 "FEROSHE"-BALLS? 578 00:24:50,121 --> 00:24:52,090 Caprice: THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT. 579 00:24:52,123 --> 00:24:53,258 Ashley: HERE, SWEETIE. 580 00:24:53,291 --> 00:24:55,160 ♪ SINCE WE FOUND OUT 581 00:24:55,193 --> 00:24:57,662 ♪ SINCE WE FOUND OUT 582 00:24:57,696 --> 00:24:59,965 ONE, TWO, THREE. 583 00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:02,300 ♪ ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN 584 00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:03,702 ♪ ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN 585 00:25:03,735 --> 00:25:05,804 [ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD. 586 00:25:05,837 --> 00:25:07,038 PRAISING THE LEATHER GOD. 587 00:25:07,072 --> 00:25:09,674 ♪ ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN 588 00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:11,176 ♪ ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN 589 00:25:11,209 --> 00:25:13,111 ♪ ANYTHING CAN 590 00:25:15,213 --> 00:25:18,250 [ GASPS ] HOW DO WE LOOK TOGETHER? 591 00:25:22,053 --> 00:25:24,856 [ SQUEALS ] I LOVE IT! 592 00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:32,731 Tanner: IT WAS A STRAIGHT-UP MAKEOVER-MONTAGE SITUATION, 593 00:25:32,764 --> 00:25:34,199 AND ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS HOW MUCH BRENT 594 00:25:34,232 --> 00:25:37,135 WOULD HAVE LIVED FOR EVERY SECOND OF IT. 595 00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:45,877 ♪ I GUESS WE THOUGHT THAT'S JUST WHAT HUMANS DO ♪ 596 00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:49,281 WITH BRENT, SOPHIE, AND GLENN, IT WAS ALWAYS SO EASY. 597 00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:52,050 I NEVER WORKED SO HARD JUST TO HAVE FRIENDS. 598 00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:54,352 BUT WITHOUT FAWCETT AND THE OTHER CLIQUE QUEENS 599 00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:58,623 WATCHING MY BACK, I WAS A SITTING DUCK. 600 00:25:58,657 --> 00:26:00,759 ♪ BUT NOW I'VE SEEN IT THROUGH 601 00:26:00,792 --> 00:26:02,727 GOOD MORNING, LADIES. HEY. 602 00:26:02,761 --> 00:26:04,062 SO, YOU SPEAK TO TRAITOR -- 603 00:26:04,095 --> 00:26:06,031 EXCUSE ME, I MEAN TANNER -- THIS WEEKEND? 604 00:26:06,064 --> 00:26:07,732 WELL, NO, ACTUALLY. 605 00:26:07,766 --> 00:26:11,202 I CALLED HIM LIKE 50 TIMES, AND NO RESPONSES. 606 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:14,105 YOU TWO REALLY NEED TO WORK IT OUT. I MEAN, IT'S LIKE -- 607 00:26:14,139 --> 00:26:15,974 UH, LADIES... 608 00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:17,342 ♪ I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE 609 00:26:17,375 --> 00:26:19,678 ♪ OH, YEAH 610 00:26:19,711 --> 00:26:21,279 ♪ OH, YEAH 611 00:26:21,313 --> 00:26:22,981 ♪ UH-HUH 612 00:26:23,014 --> 00:26:24,950 ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH 613 00:26:24,983 --> 00:26:27,819 BUT I DON'T THINK I NEED YOU 614 00:26:27,852 --> 00:26:29,754 ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH 615 00:26:29,788 --> 00:26:32,123 ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH 616 00:26:32,157 --> 00:26:33,692 ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH 617 00:26:33,725 --> 00:26:35,126 ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH 618 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,662 HE UNITED THEM. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 619 00:26:37,696 --> 00:26:41,333 I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW TIGHT HIS PANTS ARE. 620 00:26:41,366 --> 00:26:43,668 AND IS HE WEARING BRONZER? 621 00:26:43,702 --> 00:26:47,238 HE'S SPRAY-TANNER NOW. 622 00:26:47,272 --> 00:26:49,074 Tanner: BEFORE, I COULD MOVE THROUGH THIS SCHOOL 623 00:26:49,107 --> 00:26:50,775 UNNOTICED, INVISIBLE. 624 00:26:50,809 --> 00:26:55,847 BUT AS THE G.B.F., WELL, I WAS KIND OF INDESTRUCTIBLE. 625 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,084 THE UP-CLOSE VIEW OF 'TOPHER, 'SHLEY'S HOT MORMON BOYFRIEND, 626 00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:01,019 WASN'T BAD, EITHER. 627 00:27:01,052 --> 00:27:07,125 FOR ONCE, I WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF ENJOYING THE SPOTLIGHT. 628 00:27:07,158 --> 00:27:09,260 [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] [ GIGGLES ] 629 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:11,997 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WITH THAT -- 630 00:27:12,030 --> 00:27:13,865 THAT HO-- HO-- HO-- 631 00:27:13,898 --> 00:27:16,334 HO-HO? THIS IS A TWINKIE. 632 00:27:16,368 --> 00:27:18,136 HOMOSEXUAL. 633 00:27:18,169 --> 00:27:20,238 I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT OTHER TWINKIE, 634 00:27:20,271 --> 00:27:22,741 YOUR NEW APPARENT B.F.F. 635 00:27:22,774 --> 00:27:24,409 TANNER? HE'S SUPER NICE, ACTUALLY. 636 00:27:24,442 --> 00:27:26,277 LIKE NOT PURE EVIL AT ALL, REALLY. 637 00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:28,380 I MEAN, MAYBE WE'RE WRONG. 638 00:27:28,413 --> 00:27:31,916 'SHLEY, THIS IS NOT GOD'S PLAN. 639 00:27:31,950 --> 00:27:33,351 I THINK THAT MEANS "TIME-OUT." 640 00:27:33,385 --> 00:27:35,754 THIS IS PART OF THE POLYGAMISTS' PLOT, ISN'T IT? 641 00:27:35,787 --> 00:27:38,289 THE PASTOR ALWAYS SAID IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE. 642 00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:40,759 FIRST COME THE GAYS. THEN NEXT THING WE KNOW, 643 00:27:40,792 --> 00:27:43,395 YOU PEOPLE WILL WANT MULTIPLE SISTER-WIFE PROM DATES. 644 00:27:43,428 --> 00:27:45,430 WELL, I'M TAKING A STAND. 645 00:27:45,463 --> 00:27:48,266 CONSIDER THIS MY RESIGNATION FROM THE O-M-G CLUB. 646 00:27:48,299 --> 00:27:50,068 I CAN'T BE A PART OF A GROUP 647 00:27:50,101 --> 00:27:52,203 WHOSE LEADER IS IN LEAGUE WITH SODOMITES. 648 00:27:54,773 --> 00:27:56,241 WHAT'S A SODOMITE? 649 00:27:56,274 --> 00:28:00,145 I THINK IT'S LIKE DUST MITE, BUT WITH SOD. 650 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:01,846 OH. 651 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:05,917 IN TIMES OF CRISIS, I TURN TO LILO. 652 00:28:08,420 --> 00:28:12,090 I MEAN, I KNOW HE'S ANGRY AT ME, BUT, LIKE... 653 00:28:13,391 --> 00:28:15,927 HOW COULD HE DO THIS? 654 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,362 TANNER'S JUST DOING HIS BEST 655 00:28:17,395 --> 00:28:19,197 TRYING NOT TO GET HIS ASS KICKED. 656 00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:20,465 I MEAN, AREN'T WE ALL? 657 00:28:20,498 --> 00:28:22,534 I'M NOT LETTING HIM OFF THAT EASY. 658 00:28:22,567 --> 00:28:25,970 THIS LITERALLY COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE. 659 00:28:26,004 --> 00:28:29,874 ACTUALLY, IT CAN. 660 00:28:32,077 --> 00:28:34,179 YOU KNOW HOW THE PAPER 661 00:28:34,212 --> 00:28:36,314 HAS ITS PROM-COURT PREVIEW ISSUE COMING UP? 662 00:28:36,347 --> 00:28:37,782 YEAH. 663 00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:40,952 I GOT A PROOF. 664 00:28:40,985 --> 00:28:42,921 TANNER IS THE UNDISPUTED FRONT-RUNNER 665 00:28:42,954 --> 00:28:44,289 FOR PROM KING THIS YEAR. 666 00:28:47,258 --> 00:28:49,861 AND IT'S -- IT'S NOT EVEN CLOSE, REALLY. 667 00:28:49,894 --> 00:28:51,996 WHAT OFFENDS ME MORE THAN ANYTHING 668 00:28:52,030 --> 00:28:54,265 IS THE HYPOCRISY AND SEXISM OF IT ALL. 669 00:28:54,299 --> 00:28:56,101 IF I WERE TO COME OUT AS A LESBIAN, 670 00:28:56,134 --> 00:28:58,269 WOULD I ALL OF A SUDDEN BE A TOP CANDIDATE FOR PROM QUEEN? 671 00:28:58,303 --> 00:28:59,471 I THINK NOT. 672 00:28:59,504 --> 00:29:02,240 CONGRATULATIONS, YOUR MAJESTY. 673 00:29:02,273 --> 00:29:04,576 THIS HAS GOT TO BE A JOKE. OH, IT'S NO JOKE. 674 00:29:04,609 --> 00:29:06,010 YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH A LOCK. 675 00:29:06,044 --> 00:29:07,512 YEAH, YOU'VE GOT ALL OUR VOTES. 676 00:29:07,545 --> 00:29:09,514 AND THE VOTES OF OUR VARIOUS MINIONS AND MINI-MES. 677 00:29:09,547 --> 00:29:12,117 AS FOR QUEEN, THEY'VE GOT US IN A THREE-WAY. 678 00:29:12,150 --> 00:29:15,086 TIE, THAT IS. MOST KIDS ARE UNDECIDED. 679 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,355 THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU TO TELL THEM WHAT TO THINK. 680 00:29:17,388 --> 00:29:19,290 ME?! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT 'MOS 681 00:29:19,324 --> 00:29:22,193 ARE ALWAYS WAY AHEAD OF WHAT'S HOT AND WHAT'S SO NOT. 682 00:29:22,227 --> 00:29:24,229 WELL, ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED TOPIC, 683 00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:25,997 I MADE YOU A BATCH OF MY FAMOUS 684 00:29:26,030 --> 00:29:27,899 BRIGHAM YUM-YUM DOUBLE FUDGE BROWNIES LAST NIGHT. 685 00:29:27,932 --> 00:29:30,468 'SHLEY, ARE YOU SPECIAL? GAYS DON'T DO CARBS. 686 00:29:30,502 --> 00:29:34,839 YEAH, A CARB TO A 'MO IS LIKE SUNLIGHT TO A VAMPIRE. 687 00:29:34,873 --> 00:29:39,043 CARBS MAKE GAY PEOPLE SPARKLE? 688 00:29:39,077 --> 00:29:40,979 SO, I'M THINKING MAYBE WE SHOULD HANG OUT 689 00:29:41,012 --> 00:29:43,114 JUST THE TWO OF US TONIGHT, SANS "C" AND 'SHLEY. 690 00:29:43,148 --> 00:29:44,949 WILL THEY BE COOL WITH THAT? 691 00:29:44,983 --> 00:29:48,086 THOSE BITCHES CAN SUCK IT. I'M SO OVER SHARING YOU. 692 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:49,287 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 693 00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:53,892 PSST. UM, PSST. HEY. 694 00:29:53,925 --> 00:29:56,327 [ CHUCKLES ] SOLEDAD. REMEMBER ME? 695 00:29:56,361 --> 00:29:57,595 HOW COULD I FORGET? 696 00:29:57,629 --> 00:29:59,564 THIS IS AN "A" AND GAY CONVERSATION, 697 00:29:59,597 --> 00:30:01,933 SO KINDLY SEE YOUR NEXT TUESDAY OUT OF IT. 698 00:30:01,966 --> 00:30:06,137 UM, WELL, TANNER, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW 699 00:30:06,171 --> 00:30:08,273 THAT THERE'S A G.S.A. MEETING AFTER SCHOOL, SO I THOUGHT -- 700 00:30:08,306 --> 00:30:10,942 HE DOESN'T WANT TO JOIN YOUR LITTLE FAG-HAG TRAINING CLUB. 701 00:30:10,975 --> 00:30:12,944 THAT IS A HIGHLY INFLAMMATORY TERM. 702 00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:15,580 I MEAN, SOLEDAD, YOU DID OUT ME TO THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. 703 00:30:15,613 --> 00:30:17,615 THINK OF ALL THE OTHER GAY KIDS AT THIS SCHOOL 704 00:30:17,649 --> 00:30:19,484 THAT ARE STILL LANGUISHING IN THE CLOSET. 705 00:30:19,517 --> 00:30:22,520 YOU COULD BE A REAL ROLE MODEL FOR THEM. 706 00:30:24,622 --> 00:30:27,525 THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. 707 00:30:30,929 --> 00:30:33,531 HEY, SO, WE HEARD A VICIOUS RUMOR 708 00:30:33,565 --> 00:30:36,100 THAT FAWCETT'S SNAGGED YOU ALL TO HERSELF AFTER SCHOOL? 709 00:30:36,134 --> 00:30:37,502 WORD TRAVELS FAST. 710 00:30:37,535 --> 00:30:39,237 WELL, IF THAT'S HOW WE'RE GONNA PLAY IT, 711 00:30:39,270 --> 00:30:40,572 I'M CALLING YOU AFTER SCHOOL FRIDAY 712 00:30:40,605 --> 00:30:42,106 FOR ONE-ON-ONE AUDITION PREP. 713 00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:44,042 WE'RE GONNA TURN THE SHIZ OUT OF "THE WIZ." 714 00:30:44,075 --> 00:30:45,410 AND THURSDAY YOU'RE ALL MINE. 715 00:30:45,443 --> 00:30:47,245 'TOPHER AND I ARE GONNA COOK YOU DIN-DIN. 716 00:30:47,278 --> 00:30:49,948 Tanner: FAWCETT HAD MADE HER MOVE, BUT IT LOOKED LIKE 717 00:30:49,981 --> 00:30:52,383 THE OTHER QUEENS WEREN'T GOING DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT. 718 00:30:52,417 --> 00:30:54,419 AND THEN FRIDAY NIGHT IS CAMERON WOODS' PARTY. 719 00:30:54,452 --> 00:30:57,121 WE'LL ALL BE THERE, INCLUDING 'SHLEY FOR SOME REASON. 720 00:30:57,155 --> 00:31:00,358 I'M BRINGING ENOUGH DIET, CAFFEINE-FREE GINGER ALE FOR EVERYBODY. 721 00:31:00,391 --> 00:31:03,928 WOW. WELL, I GUESS MY WEEK'S PLANNED OUT, THEN. 722 00:31:03,962 --> 00:31:07,031 MM-HMM. WE'VE SO GOT YOU BOOKED, BITCH. BOOM. 723 00:31:07,065 --> 00:31:10,301 [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 724 00:31:10,335 --> 00:31:13,238 WOW. THIS REALLY WORKS. 725 00:31:13,271 --> 00:31:14,572 OR DID YOU PREFER THE OTHER ONE? 726 00:31:14,606 --> 00:31:16,641 I'M REALLY NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS. 727 00:31:16,674 --> 00:31:19,577 TANNER, I DON'T ACTUALLY THINK 728 00:31:19,611 --> 00:31:21,512 THAT GAYS HAVE A HEIGHTENED SENSE OF FASHION. 729 00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:23,381 I'M JUST ASKING YOU TO LOOK AT TWO OPTIONS 730 00:31:23,414 --> 00:31:24,682 AND CHOOSE THE ONE YOU PREFER. 731 00:31:24,716 --> 00:31:27,185 I LIKE THE ONE FROM BEFORE. 732 00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:29,487 THOSE KIND OF GIVE YOU '90s MOM ASS. 733 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:31,422 AH, THANK YOU! THAT IS JUST THE KIND 734 00:31:31,456 --> 00:31:33,424 OF BITCHY GAY INSIGHT I'M LOOKING FOR. 735 00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:35,660 SO, THE BITCHIER I AM, THE MORE YOU'LL LIKE ME? 736 00:31:35,693 --> 00:31:38,630 EXACTLY. BUT DON'T PUSH IT. 737 00:31:38,663 --> 00:31:40,965 [ CHUCKLES ] 738 00:31:40,999 --> 00:31:43,034 YOU SURE HAVE A LOT OF STUFF. 739 00:31:43,067 --> 00:31:44,636 I KNOW. DON'T YOU LOVE? 740 00:31:44,669 --> 00:31:47,338 I KIND OF HAVE A THING FOR LABELS -- 741 00:31:47,372 --> 00:31:49,641 CHANEL, VERSACE, 742 00:31:49,674 --> 00:31:52,577 GAY, FIERCELY FABULOUS. 743 00:31:52,610 --> 00:31:54,612 THAT'S KIND OF LIKE YOUR NEW COMIC STRIPS. 744 00:31:54,646 --> 00:31:56,547 BOOKS. WHATEVS. 745 00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:59,050 I'D MUCH RATHER SAY HELLO TO A NEW HANDBAG 746 00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:01,185 THAN A FRIEND OR BOYFRIEND. 747 00:32:01,219 --> 00:32:03,254 AND THEY'RE MUCH EASIER TO RETURN. 748 00:32:03,288 --> 00:32:05,490 IS THAT WHY YOU AND HAMILTON BROKE UP? 749 00:32:05,523 --> 00:32:08,192 NOW, HE IS SOMEONE 750 00:32:08,226 --> 00:32:11,162 WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE VALUE OF A LABEL. 751 00:32:11,195 --> 00:32:13,431 SOMEHOW ME BEING HIS "GIRLFRIEND" MEANT 752 00:32:13,464 --> 00:32:16,100 THE WHOLE CHEERLEADING SQUAD SUDDENLY BECAME 753 00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:18,002 HIS OWN PERSONAL HOOKUP HAREM. 754 00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:20,171 GROSS. 755 00:32:20,204 --> 00:32:22,373 BUT NOW I'VE GOT YOU, BITCH. 756 00:32:22,407 --> 00:32:23,641 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 757 00:32:23,675 --> 00:32:25,510 SERIOUSLY, THOUGH. 758 00:32:25,543 --> 00:32:28,413 I FEEL LIKE I CAN BE MYSELF AROUND YOU, YOU KNOW? 759 00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,748 YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO SCREW ME LIKE A GUY 760 00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:33,584 OR THREATENED BY ME LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL IN SCHOOL. 761 00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:37,588 I GUESS THAT'S THE APPEAL OF THIS WHOLE G.B.F. THING. 762 00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:40,091 NOT SURE WHAT I GET OUT OF IT. 763 00:32:40,124 --> 00:32:43,027 DUH -- YOU GET TO HANG OUT WITH ME. 764 00:32:43,061 --> 00:32:45,063 [ BOTH CHUCKLE ] 765 00:32:46,331 --> 00:32:50,068 OKAY, UM... 766 00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:51,703 I COULD HELP YOU WITH YOUR CHEMISTRY HOMEWORK. 767 00:32:51,736 --> 00:32:54,272 YOU'RE GETTING A "C," RIGHT? 768 00:32:54,305 --> 00:32:56,107 MM. 769 00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:58,242 I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF BRILLS WHEN IT COMES TO SCIENCE-Y STUFF. 770 00:32:58,276 --> 00:32:59,777 REALLY? 771 00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:01,412 [ GIGGLES ] 772 00:33:01,446 --> 00:33:02,647 CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET? 773 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,049 [ SIGHS ] 774 00:33:05,083 --> 00:33:09,554 OKAY, MY HAIR IS ONLY 99.9% FLAWLESS. 775 00:33:09,587 --> 00:33:13,391 I MIX ALL OF MY OWN HAIR SERUMS AND CONDITIONERS IN HERE. 776 00:33:13,424 --> 00:33:15,526 I'LL HAVE MY OWN HAIR-CARE LINE ONE DAY 777 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:19,564 ON, LIKE, QVC OR SOMETHING, FINALLY MAKE IT BIG. 778 00:33:19,597 --> 00:33:20,832 Tanner: THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED 779 00:33:20,865 --> 00:33:23,267 FAWCETT WAS MORE THAN JUST POPULAR. 780 00:33:23,301 --> 00:33:25,336 SHE WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF COOL. 781 00:33:25,370 --> 00:33:29,273 CONVERSIONS. THIS IS EASY. 782 00:33:30,808 --> 00:33:32,777 I KNOW YOU AND TANNER HAD A FALLING OUT, 783 00:33:32,810 --> 00:33:35,246 BUT YOU'RE TAKING IT KIND OF LITERALLY. 784 00:33:35,279 --> 00:33:38,149 YEAH, WELL, MY LIFE IS OVER. SO, THANKS. 785 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:41,552 OH, COME ON, MAN. I MEAN, YOU STILL GOT THE TWO OF US. 786 00:33:41,586 --> 00:33:46,357 FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES. I NEVER RSVP TO A NONSTOP PITY PARTY. 787 00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:49,494 SO, I'M BOUND TO ETERNITY IN LOSERLAND WITH YOU TWO. GREAT. 788 00:33:49,527 --> 00:33:51,229 THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH. 789 00:33:51,262 --> 00:33:53,664 AND HERE I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL DOING PRETTY OKAY, 790 00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:55,633 BUT I GUESS WE AREN'T SPARKLY ENOUGH 791 00:33:55,666 --> 00:33:58,302 OR HAVE ENOUGH SYNTHETIC HAIR EXTENSIONS FOR YOU. 792 00:33:58,336 --> 00:33:59,771 OH, MY GOD, SOPHIE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT. 793 00:33:59,804 --> 00:34:01,239 NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? 794 00:34:01,272 --> 00:34:03,274 WHY DON'T WE TAKE A FEW DAYS APART, 795 00:34:03,307 --> 00:34:06,144 MAYBE WITHOUT A COUPLE LOSERS LIKE US HANGING AROUND? 796 00:34:06,177 --> 00:34:08,780 YOU'LL ASCEND TO YOUR PROPER SOCIAL STATION. 797 00:34:08,813 --> 00:34:11,549 JUST BE CAREFUL, THOUGH, BECAUSE WE MIGHT NOT BE HERE 798 00:34:11,582 --> 00:34:13,551 TO BANDAGE YOU UP NEXT TIME YOU FALL. 799 00:34:13,584 --> 00:34:14,819 COME ON, GLENN. 800 00:34:14,852 --> 00:34:16,387 SOPHIE! 801 00:34:16,421 --> 00:34:19,791 UM, YEAH. TAKE IT EASY, BRO. 802 00:34:19,824 --> 00:34:23,628 GLENN. COME ON. WE WERE GONNA WATCH "THE VOICE." 803 00:34:23,661 --> 00:34:25,563 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 804 00:34:25,596 --> 00:34:27,198 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ] 805 00:34:27,231 --> 00:34:28,800 Tanner: AS THE WHEELS SEEMED TO BE COMING OFF 806 00:34:28,833 --> 00:34:31,169 MY OLD FRIEND GROUP, THE NEXT DAY, 807 00:34:31,202 --> 00:34:33,738 I WAS THIRD-WHEELING IT, MORMON-STYLE. 808 00:34:33,771 --> 00:34:36,574 WOW. THIS IS A WHOLE LOT OF MEAT, 'SHLEY. 809 00:34:36,607 --> 00:34:40,445 WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU LIKE, ISN'T IT? MEAT. 810 00:34:40,478 --> 00:34:42,180 HUH? 811 00:34:42,213 --> 00:34:44,449 NO CARBS. [ CHUCKLES ] I REMEMBERED. 812 00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:48,820 OH, RIGHT. UH, MMM, MEATS WITH... 813 00:34:48,853 --> 00:34:53,257 SIDES OF MEATS. 814 00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:57,261 UM, MAY I USE THE RESTROOM? 815 00:35:03,601 --> 00:35:05,503 WHOA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 816 00:35:05,536 --> 00:35:08,172 GIRL-TALK TIME. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 817 00:35:08,206 --> 00:35:10,541 THINK ABOUT WHAT?'TOPHER. 818 00:35:10,575 --> 00:35:12,477 DO YOU THINK HE'S BORED WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP? 819 00:35:12,510 --> 00:35:13,644 I FEEL LIKE HE'S BORED. 820 00:35:13,678 --> 00:35:15,313 UM, I DON'T KNOW. 821 00:35:15,346 --> 00:35:18,716 I'M WORRIED BECAUSE WE DON'T, YOU KNOW... 822 00:35:18,749 --> 00:35:21,419 SO I NEED SOME TIPS. TIPS? 823 00:35:21,452 --> 00:35:24,188 YOU GAYS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE EXPERTS IN MAN PLEASING. SO, SPILL. 824 00:35:24,222 --> 00:35:26,557 UH... DO YOU THINK I SHOULD GIVE HIM A B.J.? 825 00:35:26,591 --> 00:35:28,426 A WHAT?! OR AN H.J.? 826 00:35:28,459 --> 00:35:29,660 OR HOW ABOUT AN R.J.? 827 00:35:29,694 --> 00:35:32,463 UH -- I DON'T EVEN KNOW 828 00:35:32,497 --> 00:35:34,265 WHAT AN R.J. COULD POSSIBLY BE. 829 00:35:34,298 --> 00:35:37,668 UGH. ME NEITHER. I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD. 830 00:35:37,702 --> 00:35:39,770 ARE MORMONS EVEN ALLOWED TO -- WHAT ABOUT BACKDOOR? 831 00:35:39,804 --> 00:35:41,772 OH, MY GOD! [ GASPS ] TANNER, HONEY. 832 00:35:41,806 --> 00:35:43,975 PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN IN MY HOUSE. 833 00:35:44,008 --> 00:35:46,777 I'M SORRY. I ACTUALLY DID HAVE TO PEE. 834 00:35:46,811 --> 00:35:49,580 COULD WE, UH, TALK LATER? 835 00:35:49,614 --> 00:35:53,818 FINE, BUT YOU OWE ME GIRL-TALK TIME, MISTER, OKAY? 836 00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:59,223 [ WHIMPERS ] 837 00:35:59,257 --> 00:36:01,826 OH, TANNER, I AM SO, SO SORRY. 838 00:36:01,859 --> 00:36:03,361 'TOPHER JUST REMINDED ME I HAVE 839 00:36:03,394 --> 00:36:04,962 A JUNIOR REPUBLICANS MEETING IN LIKE 20 MINUTES. 840 00:36:04,996 --> 00:36:06,597 DO YOU MIND IF 'TOPHIE TAKES YOU HOME? 841 00:36:06,631 --> 00:36:10,801 UM, S-SURE, I GUESS. 842 00:36:23,381 --> 00:36:25,917 'TOPHER, THIS ISN'T MY HOUSE. 843 00:36:25,950 --> 00:36:29,487 I KNOW. I JUST WANTED TO TALK. OKAY. 844 00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,255 YOU KNOW, I'VE CAUGHT YOU CHECKING ME OUT. 845 00:36:31,289 --> 00:36:33,691 PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME UP! I'M SO SORRY! IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN! 846 00:36:33,724 --> 00:36:35,793 WHOA, DUDE. WHEW! RELAX. 847 00:36:35,826 --> 00:36:39,497 I FIND IT KIND OF FLATTERING. 848 00:36:39,530 --> 00:36:43,267 SO, WHAT DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT ME, HUH? 849 00:36:43,301 --> 00:36:47,405 WHAT'S MY SEXIEST QUALITY? 850 00:36:47,438 --> 00:36:49,674 OH, I GET IT. YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE STRAIGHT GUYS 851 00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:52,443 WHO LIKES TO FLIRT WITH GAY GUYS FOR YOUR OWN AMUSEMENT. 852 00:36:52,476 --> 00:36:54,478 NO, TANNER, THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 853 00:36:54,512 --> 00:36:56,047 CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU MIGHT BELIEVE, 854 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,417 WE HOMOS DON'T ALL SIT AROUND PINING FOR STRAIGHT BOYS, OKAY? 855 00:36:59,450 --> 00:37:01,385 SOME OF US LIKE THE IDEA OF A GUY 856 00:37:01,419 --> 00:37:03,654 ACTUALLY BEING TURNED ON BY US. 857 00:37:03,688 --> 00:37:07,892 DOES THIS FEEL STRAIGHT TO YOU? 858 00:37:07,925 --> 00:37:10,828 UM, IT DOES, ACTUALLY. 859 00:37:11,929 --> 00:37:14,432 YOU MORMONS ARE A HORNY, REPRESSED PEOPLE! 860 00:37:14,465 --> 00:37:15,800 YOU HAVE NO IDEA. 861 00:37:15,833 --> 00:37:18,736 MNH! WAIT! THIS IS WRONG. YOU'RE WITH 'SHLEY. 862 00:37:18,769 --> 00:37:21,772 DUDE, IN TWO YEARS, I'M GONNA GO ON MY MISSION. 863 00:37:21,806 --> 00:37:23,808 IN FOUR YEARS, I'LL PROBABLY BE MARRIED 864 00:37:23,841 --> 00:37:26,410 WITH A BUNCH OF REDHEADED RUGRATS RUNNING AROUND. 865 00:37:26,444 --> 00:37:29,313 SO, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIT BACK... 866 00:37:29,347 --> 00:37:32,750 [SMOOCHES] ...RELAX... [SMOOCHES] 867 00:37:32,783 --> 00:37:35,620 ...AND LET ME GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM? 868 00:37:35,653 --> 00:37:37,355 [ WHIMPERS ] 869 00:37:39,590 --> 00:37:41,592 OOH. [ INHALES SHARPLY ] 870 00:37:41,626 --> 00:37:42,693 YOU OKAY? 871 00:37:42,727 --> 00:37:45,029 UH, T-THANKS. I'LL WALK. 872 00:38:08,152 --> 00:38:10,921 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 873 00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:13,357 SO, I HAVE SOME NEWS FOR YOU. 874 00:38:13,391 --> 00:38:15,092 IT'S PRETTY MAJ. WHAT? 875 00:38:15,126 --> 00:38:17,128 I MAY HAVE SNATCHED YOU A PROM DATE. 876 00:38:17,161 --> 00:38:18,996 HIS NAME IS CHRISTIAN. 877 00:38:19,030 --> 00:38:21,132 HE WENT TO THEATER CAMP WITH ME LAST SUMMER. 878 00:38:21,165 --> 00:38:23,834 HE'S A TENOR, A COLLEGE BOY, AND HE'S BRITISH. 879 00:38:23,868 --> 00:38:25,569 [ CLICKS TONGUE ] LOVE IT? 880 00:38:25,603 --> 00:38:27,471 HE SOUNDS GREAT. 881 00:38:27,505 --> 00:38:30,708 I'M JUST NOT SURE IF THIS WHOLE PROM THING IS FOR ME. 882 00:38:30,741 --> 00:38:34,445 OKAY. YOU'RE LOSING YOURSELF. COME WITH MAMA. 883 00:38:36,914 --> 00:38:38,649 TAKE A LOOK, TANNER. 884 00:38:38,683 --> 00:38:42,119 THIS IS EVERY PROM KING AND QUEEN SINCE 1983. 885 00:38:42,153 --> 00:38:43,954 YOU NOTICE ANYTHING? 886 00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:46,090 NOT THE MOST DIVERSE SELECTION. 887 00:38:46,123 --> 00:38:48,859 HUH. ALL WHITE, ALL STRAIGHT, 888 00:38:48,893 --> 00:38:51,696 ALL JOCKS AND POM-POM WRANGLERS. 889 00:38:51,729 --> 00:38:54,932 TANNER, WE COULD BE THE ONES TO CHANGE ALL THAT. 890 00:38:54,965 --> 00:38:57,601 YOU COULD BE THE FIRST OPENLY GAY PROM KING 891 00:38:57,635 --> 00:38:59,570 AND ENJOY A HOT DATE TO BOOT, 892 00:38:59,603 --> 00:39:01,472 AND I CAN BE THE FIRST QUEEN 893 00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:03,974 WHO'S ACTUALLY DESERVING OF ANY NOTORIETY. 894 00:39:04,008 --> 00:39:06,677 SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 895 00:39:06,711 --> 00:39:08,546 I GET YOU LAID. YOU GET ME CROWNED. 896 00:39:08,579 --> 00:39:09,980 YOU CAN LOSE THAT VIRGINITY 897 00:39:10,014 --> 00:39:11,816 BEFORE YOU SNATCH UP THAT DIPLOMA. 898 00:39:11,849 --> 00:39:13,784 CAPRICE, JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW ANOTHER GAY GUY 899 00:39:13,818 --> 00:39:15,453 DOESN'T MEAN I -- [ CLEARS THROAT ] 900 00:39:15,486 --> 00:39:18,789 WHOA! HE'S... VERY ATTRACTIVE. 901 00:39:18,823 --> 00:39:20,524 THOSE LIPS. 902 00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:23,794 MM-HMM. THAT'S WHAT WE CALL SOME HIGH-SPEED DSLs. 903 00:39:23,828 --> 00:39:26,597 SO? 904 00:39:26,630 --> 00:39:29,066 I'LL...THINK ABOUT IT. PERF! 905 00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:31,001 I'M GONNA INVITE HIM TO CAMERON'S TONIGHT 906 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:32,837 SO YOU TWO CAN GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. 907 00:39:32,870 --> 00:39:34,505 CRAP. I FORGOT THAT WAS TONIGHT. 908 00:39:34,538 --> 00:39:36,640 OH, RELAX. IT'S GONNA BE "V" LOW-KEY. 909 00:39:36,674 --> 00:39:40,211 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ] 910 00:39:40,244 --> 00:39:42,546 EVERYONE CAN RELAX. 911 00:39:42,580 --> 00:39:45,649 THE PEOPLE WHO MATTER HAVE ARRIVED. 912 00:39:48,219 --> 00:39:49,920 I'M GONNA GO SEE IF CHRISTIAN'S HERE. 913 00:39:49,954 --> 00:39:51,789 [ GASPS ] OOH. THERE ARE CHRISTIANS HERE? 914 00:39:51,822 --> 00:39:54,525 [ SCOFFS ] GET YOUR GAY GAME FACE ON. 915 00:39:54,558 --> 00:39:56,727 AFTER TONIGHT, YOU'LL HAVE THE PROM DATE OF YOUR DREAMS. 916 00:39:56,761 --> 00:39:58,629 OH. 917 00:39:58,662 --> 00:40:01,599 SO, CAPRICE REELED YOU IN SOME MANGINA, HUH? 918 00:40:01,632 --> 00:40:03,701 WELL PLAYED. I GUESS. 919 00:40:03,734 --> 00:40:06,537 I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE'LL LIKE ME. 920 00:40:06,570 --> 00:40:08,806 SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED SOME LIQUID COURAGE. 921 00:40:08,839 --> 00:40:10,040 FOLLOW ME. 922 00:40:10,074 --> 00:40:12,676 OH. COME ON. 923 00:40:12,710 --> 00:40:16,046 YOU CALL THIS AN ENSEMBLE? GET IT TOGETHER, GIRL. 924 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,716 DO NOT CALL ME THAT. 925 00:40:18,749 --> 00:40:21,786 WH-WHY? I MEANT, LIKE, "GURL" WITH A "U." 926 00:40:21,819 --> 00:40:23,687 GURL! 927 00:40:23,721 --> 00:40:26,991 NOT LIKE YOU'RE A -- OH, OKAY. 928 00:40:27,024 --> 00:40:29,026 UM, SO, HEY, WHY DON'T WE DUST THIS OFF 929 00:40:29,059 --> 00:40:31,962 AND YOU TAKE ME TO THE MALL AND PICK ME OUT SOME EYE SHADOW, 930 00:40:31,996 --> 00:40:33,597 JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS, HUH? 931 00:40:33,631 --> 00:40:35,266 YOU'RE SO GOOD WITH COLOR. 932 00:40:35,299 --> 00:40:37,768 YEAH, I DON'T THINK I'M LEAVING THE HOUSE 933 00:40:37,802 --> 00:40:39,503 TILL COLLEGE, BUT, THANKS. 934 00:40:39,537 --> 00:40:42,239 [ SIGHS ] OH, "B" BOO. 935 00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:44,642 LISTEN. I GET IT. I REALLY DO. 936 00:40:44,675 --> 00:40:48,145 WITH WHAT HAPPENED WITH TANNER, I KNOW THAT YOU DIDN'T 937 00:40:48,179 --> 00:40:51,682 GET TO COME OUT TO ME IN THE WAY THAT YOU WANTED TO. 938 00:40:51,715 --> 00:40:54,618 WE DIDN'T GET TO HAVE OUR EXTRA-SPECIAL 939 00:40:54,652 --> 00:40:57,087 MOTHER/SON LIFETIME MOVIE MOMENT. 940 00:40:57,121 --> 00:40:59,190 I KNOW THAT. 941 00:40:59,223 --> 00:41:01,625 YOU DON'T WANT TO GO OUT TONIGHT, RIGHT? 942 00:41:01,659 --> 00:41:04,562 I GOT A PLAN "B"! [ CHUCKLES ] 943 00:41:04,595 --> 00:41:07,298 DID YOU KNOW THAT WEBFLIX 944 00:41:07,331 --> 00:41:09,967 HAS AN ENTIRE GAY AND LESBIAN SECTION? 945 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,635 BLEW MY MIND. 946 00:41:11,669 --> 00:41:14,839 OKAY, "MILK." I GOT "MILK." IT'S ABOUT A GAY MAYOR. 947 00:41:14,872 --> 00:41:17,775 "BOYS DON'T CRY" -- NOW, THIS IS GIRL THAT WANTS TO BE A BOY. 948 00:41:17,808 --> 00:41:19,743 THAT'S A TRICKY ONE. 949 00:41:19,777 --> 00:41:22,112 "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN" -- THAT'S THE COWBOYS. 950 00:41:22,146 --> 00:41:24,548 AND SOMETHING CALLED "SHORTBALLS" -- 951 00:41:24,582 --> 00:41:26,917 OH, "SHORTBUS." "SHORTBUS." 952 00:41:26,951 --> 00:41:29,887 SO, WHICH ONE DO YOU WANT TO POP IN FIRST, HUH? 953 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:32,957 PROBABLY THE COWBOYS, RIGHT? THAT ONE'S SAFE. 954 00:41:32,990 --> 00:41:36,160 Ashley: SOMEONE DRANK ALL MY GINGER ALES. 955 00:41:36,193 --> 00:41:38,662 HEY, DO YOU KNOW IF THERE'S CAFFEINE/ALCOHOL 956 00:41:38,696 --> 00:41:40,297 IN A CHICA LOCA? 957 00:41:40,331 --> 00:41:42,333 [ CHUCKLES ] NO, 'SHLEY, OF COURSE NOT. 958 00:41:42,366 --> 00:41:44,201 CHUG AWAY. 959 00:41:44,235 --> 00:41:46,003 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 960 00:41:46,036 --> 00:41:48,072 THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. 961 00:41:48,105 --> 00:41:50,074 THERE IS NO GETTING COLD FEET NOW. 962 00:41:50,107 --> 00:41:51,876 WE HAVE GOT TO RESCUE TANNER 963 00:41:51,909 --> 00:41:54,078 FROM THOSE GAY-SNATCHING FASHION NAZIS. 964 00:41:54,111 --> 00:41:57,915 DIVIDE AND CONQUER. 965 00:41:57,948 --> 00:42:00,317 HEY, SEXY. 966 00:42:00,351 --> 00:42:03,754 DON'T THINK ME PRESUMPTUOUS WHEN I SAY "BOTTOMS UP." 967 00:42:03,787 --> 00:42:05,356 [ CHUCKLES ] 968 00:42:05,389 --> 00:42:08,726 UGH. THIS TASTES LIKE ASS. 969 00:42:08,759 --> 00:42:10,127 MM-HMM. PERFECT FOR YOU. 970 00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:11,328 [ SCOFFS ] FUNNY. 971 00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,264 LOOSEN UP. I HEAR THAT'S HELPFUL. 972 00:42:13,297 --> 00:42:14,899 THERE YOU GO. [ CHUCKLES ] 973 00:42:14,932 --> 00:42:16,367 LOOK, DON'T LET CAPRICE PRESSURE YOU. 974 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:18,302 IF YOU'RE REALLY THAT NERVOUS, THEN JUST BLOW OFF 975 00:42:18,335 --> 00:42:21,639 BLOWING WHAT'S HIS NAME AND COME TO PROM AS MY ARM CANDY. 976 00:42:21,672 --> 00:42:23,340 IT MIGHT BE KIND OF COOL TO, LIKE, 977 00:42:23,374 --> 00:42:25,309 ACTUALLY GO ON A DATE OR SOMETHING. 978 00:42:25,342 --> 00:42:30,981 P.S. -- THIS ONE CAN HAS OVER 600 CALORIES. 979 00:42:31,015 --> 00:42:33,651 I THOUGHT CARBS WERE LIKE GAY KRYPTONITE OR SOMETHING. 980 00:42:33,684 --> 00:42:35,853 ALCOHOL IS THE ONE EXCEPTION. DUH. 981 00:42:35,886 --> 00:42:37,655 NOW DOWN IT, BITCH. 982 00:42:37,688 --> 00:42:39,790 Boy: WHOO! 983 00:42:39,823 --> 00:42:42,226 [ SIGHS ] WELL, IT'S JUST FREEZING COLD OUT THERE. 984 00:42:42,259 --> 00:42:44,728 HEATH! DON'T STAND ON YOUR PRIDE. 985 00:42:44,762 --> 00:42:48,198 GET IN THE TENT WITH JAKE! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. 986 00:42:48,232 --> 00:42:50,301 GOOD. GET IN THERE. SNUGGLE UP. 987 00:42:50,334 --> 00:42:52,803 SNUGGLE UP FOR WARMTH. THERE YOU GO. 988 00:42:52,836 --> 00:42:55,205 OH. LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE WAKING BACK UP. 989 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:59,777 [ CHUCKLES ] UH-OH. HERE WE GO. GAME ON. 990 00:42:59,810 --> 00:43:02,246 YOU KNOW, I DO SENSE AN AFFECTION THERE. 991 00:43:02,279 --> 00:43:05,282 I MEAN, YOU REALLY DO FEEL THEY CARE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER. 992 00:43:05,316 --> 00:43:08,319 [ SPITS ] OH, MY. WELL, YEAH. 993 00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:11,922 I GUESS NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION. 994 00:43:11,956 --> 00:43:14,291 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] I MEAN... 995 00:43:14,325 --> 00:43:16,026 YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY. I GUESS BACK THEN 996 00:43:16,060 --> 00:43:18,062 THEY DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO USE PROTECTION, REALLY, RIGHT? 997 00:43:18,095 --> 00:43:19,997 [ CLEARS THROAT ] YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA GET A DRINK. 998 00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:22,366 THEY COULD HAVE MADE SOMETHING OUT OF LIKE A -- 999 00:43:22,399 --> 00:43:24,368 SOME KIND OF LAMB SKIN OR SOMETHING, 1000 00:43:24,401 --> 00:43:27,037 BUT THERE PROBABLY WASN'T TIME FOR THAT. 1001 00:43:27,071 --> 00:43:29,707 Tanner: A FEW HOURS AND A LOT OF DRINKS LATER, 1002 00:43:29,740 --> 00:43:33,010 I WAS GETTING ALL THE FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS. 1003 00:43:33,043 --> 00:43:37,014 SO, WITH STRAIGHT GUYS, THERE'S ASS MEN AND TIT MEN, 1004 00:43:37,047 --> 00:43:39,049 BUT WHAT'S THE GAY EQUIVALENT? 1005 00:43:39,083 --> 00:43:40,918 LIKE, BALL MEN? 1006 00:43:40,951 --> 00:43:43,253 WHEN YOU'RE GETTING GAY WITH A GUY, 1007 00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:47,057 HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO'S THE GIRL AND WHO'S THE BOY? 1008 00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:50,394 NOT AN EXPERT, BUT I THINK YOU'RE BOTH THE BOY. 1009 00:43:50,427 --> 00:43:52,763 THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT. 1010 00:43:52,796 --> 00:43:54,198 JUST WIKI THAT SHIT, FREAK. 1011 00:43:54,231 --> 00:43:55,766 LEAVE HIM ALONE. 1012 00:43:55,799 --> 00:43:57,735 COME ON, SLUT. YOU OWE ME A DANCE. 1013 00:43:57,768 --> 00:43:59,370 [ CHUCKLES ] 1014 00:43:59,403 --> 00:44:02,106 ♪ YOU DO YOUR BODY WORK 1015 00:44:02,139 --> 00:44:04,908 ♪ I FEEL MY PULSE WORKING OVERTIME ♪ 1016 00:44:04,942 --> 00:44:06,844 OH, MY GOD! SORRY. 1017 00:44:06,877 --> 00:44:08,245 ♪ YOU DO YOUR BODY WORK 1018 00:44:09,747 --> 00:44:11,982 OH. SORRY. 1019 00:44:12,016 --> 00:44:14,184 [ Slurring ] OH, YOU GUYS, I FOUND YOU! 1020 00:44:14,218 --> 00:44:15,919 HI! 1021 00:44:15,953 --> 00:44:18,022 'SHLEY. [ CHUCKLES ] HI. 1022 00:44:18,055 --> 00:44:19,089 HI. HI. 1023 00:44:19,123 --> 00:44:22,393 [ CHUCKLES ] HI AND BYE. 1024 00:44:22,426 --> 00:44:25,929 IS IT JUST ME, OR IS SHE, LIKE, THE WORST MORMON EVER? 1025 00:44:25,963 --> 00:44:28,766 IT'S SO NOT JUST YOU. SHE'S CRAY-CRAY. 1026 00:44:28,799 --> 00:44:32,503 HEY! YOU! GAYSIAN BOY, COME HERE. 1027 00:44:32,536 --> 00:44:35,039 [ MOANING ] EW. GET OUT. 1028 00:44:35,072 --> 00:44:36,974 WE'RE HAVING GAY-GUY/GIRL GAB TIME. 1029 00:44:37,007 --> 00:44:39,309 SERIOUSLY? OH, MY GOD. 1030 00:44:39,343 --> 00:44:41,812 THERE'S A BEAN BAG IN THE OTHER -- LET'S GO. 1031 00:44:41,845 --> 00:44:43,180 SORRY ABOUT THIS. I CAN'T WAIT. 1032 00:44:43,213 --> 00:44:44,915 REALLY SORRY. GOD. BITCH. 1033 00:44:44,948 --> 00:44:48,852 SO, YOUR FRIEND TANNER WON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE J's. 1034 00:44:48,886 --> 00:44:50,054 THE -- THE WHO? 1035 00:44:50,087 --> 00:44:52,056 THE -- THE H.J.s AND THE B.J.s, 1036 00:44:52,089 --> 00:44:53,957 PRETTY MUCH ANY OF THE J's. 1037 00:44:53,991 --> 00:44:56,827 BUT I'VE GOT AN IDEA. 1038 00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:58,862 YOU ARE GONNA SHOW ME HOW. 1039 00:44:58,896 --> 00:45:02,232 AND IT'S NOT GONNA COUNT BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE SUPES GAY-MOSEXUAL. 1040 00:45:02,266 --> 00:45:05,235 UH, YEAH, RIGHT. Shh! 1041 00:45:05,269 --> 00:45:08,906 JUST PRETEND I'M, LIKE, SOME SUPER-HOT GUY, 1042 00:45:08,939 --> 00:45:11,842 LIKE DAVID ARCHULETA. 1043 00:45:11,875 --> 00:45:13,510 OH, DAVID ARCHULETA? DAVID, DON'T YOU WORRY. 1044 00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:16,814 I'M GONNA TEACH YOU ALL ABOUT THE H.J.s AND THE B.J.s 1045 00:45:16,847 --> 00:45:19,216 AND THE JAY-Zs AND THE J.J. ABRAMS. 1046 00:45:19,249 --> 00:45:21,552 NO, WAIT. HOLD ON. 1047 00:45:21,585 --> 00:45:24,254 YOU'RE DRUNK, PLUS, YOU'RE MORMON, 1048 00:45:24,288 --> 00:45:26,423 WHICH, LIKE, TOTALLY EXACERBATES THE WHOLE BEING DRUNK THING. 1049 00:45:26,457 --> 00:45:28,392 [ LAUGHS ] "EXASTURBATES." 1050 00:45:28,425 --> 00:45:30,227 [ BOTH LAUGH ] THAT'S A FUNNY WORD. 1051 00:45:30,260 --> 00:45:32,196 YEAH. 1052 00:45:32,229 --> 00:45:34,465 YEAH, ANYWAY, I'M -- I'M NOT EVEN -- 1053 00:45:34,498 --> 00:45:35,833 WHAT? 1054 00:45:35,866 --> 00:45:37,000 GAY. 1055 00:45:37,034 --> 00:45:38,802 PROVE IT, GAYSIAN. 1056 00:45:38,836 --> 00:45:41,138 [ MOANING ] 1057 00:45:42,506 --> 00:45:43,941 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ] 1058 00:45:43,974 --> 00:45:45,876 [ Singsong voice ] LOOK WHO I FOUND! 1059 00:45:45,909 --> 00:45:49,079 [ Slurring ] SORRY. OH, HI. 1060 00:45:49,113 --> 00:45:50,814 YOU MUST BE -- 1061 00:45:50,848 --> 00:45:52,883 [ British accent ] CHRISTIAN. HELLO, TANNER. 1062 00:45:52,916 --> 00:45:54,351 EVEN BETTER IN REAL LIFE, RIGHT? 1063 00:45:54,384 --> 00:45:56,320 EVEN BETTER WITH BEER GOGGLES, SHE MEANS. 1064 00:45:56,353 --> 00:45:58,222 DON'T TOUCH ME. 1065 00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,190 DAMN, YOU ARE PRETTY. 1066 00:46:00,224 --> 00:46:02,993 I MEAN HANDSOME. I MEAN PRETTY HANDSOME. 1067 00:46:03,026 --> 00:46:07,231 'SUP, BRO? 1068 00:46:07,264 --> 00:46:10,234 HE'S USUALLY LESS SPECIAL. 1069 00:46:10,267 --> 00:46:12,870 DO YOU MAYBE WANT A GLASS OF WATER OR SOMETHING, MATE? 1070 00:46:12,903 --> 00:46:15,873 OH, HI, THERE. I HATE TO BREAK UP THIS LITTLE... 1071 00:46:15,906 --> 00:46:18,041 WHATEVER THIS IS, BUT I NEED TO TALK TO TANNER. 1072 00:46:18,075 --> 00:46:19,943 TANNER CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, AND HE AND CHRISTIAN 1073 00:46:19,977 --> 00:46:21,478 WERE ABOUT TO HAVE A PRIVATE MOMENT ALONE. 1074 00:46:21,512 --> 00:46:23,514 CAPRICE, I REALLY THINK WE GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT. 1075 00:46:23,547 --> 00:46:25,282 YO, 'TOPHER, WELCOME TO THE CASA. 1076 00:46:25,315 --> 00:46:27,451 THANK YOU. HEY, IS TANNER HERE? I MEAN 'SHLEY. 1077 00:46:27,484 --> 00:46:29,853 IS 'SHLEY HERE? SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. LOVE HER. 1078 00:46:29,887 --> 00:46:31,088 YEAH. SHE'S IN THE BACK. 1079 00:46:31,121 --> 00:46:32,589 OKAY. THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT. 1080 00:46:32,623 --> 00:46:35,058 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ] 1081 00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:37,561 HEY, GLENN. 1082 00:46:37,594 --> 00:46:39,997 Caprice: OH, MY GOD. EW, 'SHLEY. 1083 00:46:40,030 --> 00:46:42,099 GLENN, YOU REALLY ARE STRAIGHT? 1084 00:46:42,132 --> 00:46:46,303 NO, NO, HE'S TOTES NOT. SO IT DOESN'T COUNT. RIGHT? 1085 00:46:46,336 --> 00:46:47,638 OH, JESUS CHRIST. 1086 00:46:47,671 --> 00:46:49,873 CAPRICE, WATCH YOUR MOUTH, PLEASE. 1087 00:46:49,907 --> 00:46:51,408 I COULD SAY THE SAME FOR YOU, "WHORE-MON." 1088 00:46:51,441 --> 00:46:53,076 I THINK I HAVE TO BARF. 1089 00:46:53,110 --> 00:46:55,112 I'LL HOLD YOUR HAIR. 1090 00:46:56,446 --> 00:46:59,183 HEY, "T." REMEMBER ME? 1091 00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:01,919 [ VOMITS ] 1092 00:47:05,155 --> 00:47:07,891 I JUST RIPPED IT OFF. I JUST HAD TO BECAUSE -- 1093 00:47:07,925 --> 00:47:12,529 TAN-PON, I HEARD YOU BULIMED CUISINE ALL OVER A MORMON. 1094 00:47:12,563 --> 00:47:14,398 [ LAUGHS ] I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU 1095 00:47:14,431 --> 00:47:16,466 TO ALWAYS DRINK ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. 1096 00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:18,502 I'M GONNA GO. 1097 00:47:18,535 --> 00:47:21,505 I'M KIND OF OVER BEING THE PARTY'S GAY MASCOT 1098 00:47:21,538 --> 00:47:24,007 AND OF PUBLICLY HUMILIATING MYSELF 1099 00:47:24,041 --> 00:47:26,210 IN FRONT OF POTENTIAL DATES. 1100 00:47:26,243 --> 00:47:28,212 YOU WANT MINDIE TO DRIVE YOU? 1101 00:47:28,245 --> 00:47:30,280 DON'T WORRY. I'M TOTALLY SOBER. 1102 00:47:30,314 --> 00:47:32,082 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 1103 00:47:32,115 --> 00:47:34,985 NO, THANKS. I'LL WALK. 1104 00:47:35,018 --> 00:47:37,921 OKAY. CALL ME TOMORROW. KISSES. MWAH! 1105 00:47:37,955 --> 00:47:40,958 OH, MY GOD, YOU TOTALLY MADE OUT WITH YOUR GAY BESTIE. 1106 00:47:40,991 --> 00:47:43,360 [ LAUGHS ] NO! 1107 00:47:43,393 --> 00:47:45,362 [ INSECTS CHIRPING ] 1108 00:47:45,395 --> 00:47:47,931 [ DOG BARKING ] 1109 00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:52,936 [ LAUGHS ] OH, UM... 1110 00:47:52,970 --> 00:47:56,540 I...AM...DRUNK. 1111 00:47:56,573 --> 00:47:59,076 ME TOO. 1112 00:47:59,109 --> 00:48:01,712 [ LAUGHS ] 1113 00:48:01,745 --> 00:48:03,981 [ LAUGHS ] 1114 00:48:06,416 --> 00:48:09,253 WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE? 1115 00:48:09,286 --> 00:48:11,455 I HAVE NO CLUE. 1116 00:48:11,488 --> 00:48:13,257 [ LAUGHS ] 1117 00:48:13,290 --> 00:48:15,592 SINCE I BASICALLY HAVE NO FRIENDS LEFT, 1118 00:48:15,626 --> 00:48:19,496 MY MOM DECIDED TO HAVE A QUEER-MOVIE MARATHON. 1119 00:48:19,529 --> 00:48:22,599 BUT WHEN WE GOT TO HEATH AND JAKE GRUNTING IN A TENT, 1120 00:48:22,633 --> 00:48:24,434 I STARTED DRINKING HEAVILY. 1121 00:48:24,468 --> 00:48:26,703 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 1122 00:48:28,305 --> 00:48:30,741 YOU WALKED ALL THE WAY OVER HERE? 1123 00:48:30,774 --> 00:48:32,643 MM-HMM. 1124 00:48:32,676 --> 00:48:35,746 I HAD THIS IDEA THAT I'D MAKE THIS GRAND ENTRANCE AT THE PARTY 1125 00:48:35,779 --> 00:48:39,082 AND MAKE A HUGE SCENE, BUT THIS IS AS FAR AS I GOT. 1126 00:48:39,116 --> 00:48:40,717 OOPS. YEAH. I SEE. 1127 00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:43,053 [ CHUCKLES ] IT'S NOT FAIR! 1128 00:48:43,086 --> 00:48:45,322 YOU GET TO BE BELLE OF THE BALL, 1129 00:48:45,355 --> 00:48:48,358 AND I'M STUCK HOME WITH MOMMY DEAREST. 1130 00:48:48,392 --> 00:48:51,228 I'D TRADE PLACES WITH YOU IN A SECOND. 1131 00:48:51,261 --> 00:48:53,297 JUST -- JUST DO ME A FAVOR. 1132 00:48:53,330 --> 00:48:54,765 HMM? 1133 00:48:54,798 --> 00:49:00,037 WHEN YOU WIN PROM KING, YOU'LL MAKE A BIG SPEECH 1134 00:49:00,070 --> 00:49:02,172 ABOUT, YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING THAT YOU'VE LEARNED, 1135 00:49:02,205 --> 00:49:04,341 YOU KNOW, VERY LOHAN. 1136 00:49:04,374 --> 00:49:08,612 NOT REALLY MY STYLE, BUT...WE'LL SEE. 1137 00:49:09,813 --> 00:49:11,615 [ LAUGHS ] 1138 00:49:13,350 --> 00:49:15,218 SORRY. STILL PICTURING YOU 1139 00:49:15,252 --> 00:49:18,288 WATCHING "BROKEBACK" WITH YOUR MOM. 1140 00:49:18,322 --> 00:49:19,690 IT'S NOT FUNNY! [ LAUGHS ] 1141 00:49:19,723 --> 00:49:22,025 I'M GONNA HAVE TO EMANCIPATE OR SOMETHING. 1142 00:49:22,059 --> 00:49:23,260 SHE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. 1143 00:49:23,293 --> 00:49:26,463 SHE'S JUST BEING SUPPORTIVE. 1144 00:49:26,496 --> 00:49:30,600 MAYBE EVERYONE SECRETLY WANTS A G.B.F., 1145 00:49:30,634 --> 00:49:33,103 EVEN MOMS. 1146 00:49:36,340 --> 00:49:41,345 RIGHT NOW I WOULD JUST SETTLE FOR, LIKE, A B.F. 1147 00:49:43,780 --> 00:49:49,720 YOU MEAN LIKE A BEST FRIEND OR, LIKE, BOYFRIEND? 1148 00:49:52,723 --> 00:49:55,158 EITHER/OR... 1149 00:49:55,192 --> 00:49:57,561 OR BOTH. 1150 00:50:13,710 --> 00:50:16,179 [ BIRDS CHIRPING ] 1151 00:50:22,152 --> 00:50:24,821 [ SNORING ] 1152 00:50:24,855 --> 00:50:27,624 WAIT. WHAT? 1153 00:50:27,657 --> 00:50:29,426 OH, MY GOD, NO, NO. 1154 00:50:29,459 --> 00:50:32,295 DID WE...? WE DIDN'T, RIGHT? 1155 00:50:32,329 --> 00:50:34,164 YOU DON'T KNOW? DO YOU? 1156 00:50:34,197 --> 00:50:36,166 NO, NO, NO, NO, WE -- WE -- WE CAME IN, 1157 00:50:36,199 --> 00:50:37,701 AND WE -- WE JUST -- WE WERE DRUNK. 1158 00:50:37,734 --> 00:50:39,136 WE PASSED OUT, I THINK. 1159 00:50:39,169 --> 00:50:41,138 RIGHT. THAT SOUNDS RIGHT. YEAH. 1160 00:50:41,171 --> 00:50:43,306 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] CLOSET! NOW! 1161 00:50:43,340 --> 00:50:44,508 SERIOUSLY? OH! GAH! 1162 00:50:50,213 --> 00:50:51,748 HONEY, WHAT WAS THAT? 1163 00:50:51,782 --> 00:50:54,618 NOTHING. I'M JUST CLEANING UP IN HERE. 1164 00:50:54,651 --> 00:50:57,621 YEAH, IT DOES SMELL KIND OF MUSKY IN HERE. 1165 00:50:57,654 --> 00:51:01,291 SO, I'VE GOT BUBBLING CINNABONS IN THE MICROWAVE 1166 00:51:01,324 --> 00:51:02,726 AND SOME CHOCOLATE MILK FOR YOU. 1167 00:51:02,759 --> 00:51:04,361 SUPER. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 1168 00:51:04,394 --> 00:51:06,196 COME ON. 1169 00:51:06,229 --> 00:51:07,798 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 1170 00:51:08,865 --> 00:51:10,467 THANKS FOR THAT. 1171 00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:12,903 I'M SORRY. I'M JUST NOT READY. 1172 00:51:12,936 --> 00:51:17,140 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE. UGH, GOD. 1173 00:51:17,174 --> 00:51:19,409 WAIT! WHAT? 1174 00:51:19,443 --> 00:51:23,580 COULD YOU, UH, JUST GO THAT WAY? 1175 00:51:23,613 --> 00:51:25,749 SO, FIRST YOU WANT TO PUT ME BACK IN THE CLOSET, 1176 00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:27,818 AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO JUMP OUT YOUR WINDOW? 1177 00:51:27,851 --> 00:51:30,287 YES. REAL NICE, TANNER. 1178 00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:31,822 I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. I SWEAR. 1179 00:51:31,855 --> 00:51:33,690 YEAH, WHATEVER. IT'S FINE. I GET IT. 1180 00:51:33,723 --> 00:51:36,259 [ NEIL HALSTEAD'S "HEY DAYDREAMER" PLAYS ] 1181 00:51:36,293 --> 00:51:39,696 ♪ I DON'T WANNA BE ALL RIGHT 1182 00:51:39,729 --> 00:51:43,567 ♪ I DON'T WANNA FEEL JUST OKAY 1183 00:51:43,600 --> 00:51:47,504 ♪ I WANNA SEE EVERYTHING 1184 00:51:47,537 --> 00:51:51,341 ♪ I WANNA GO EVERYWHERE 1185 00:51:51,374 --> 00:51:53,510 ♪ I WANNA SETTLE DOWN 1186 00:51:53,543 --> 00:51:55,278 ♪ HEY, LOVER 1187 00:51:55,312 --> 00:51:57,747 Tanner: THE NEXT MONDAY, I STILL COULDN'T SHAKE MY HANGOVER 1188 00:51:57,781 --> 00:52:00,817 OR WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN BRENT AND ME. 1189 00:52:00,851 --> 00:52:03,920 I MEAN, WHAT WAS I THINKING? 1190 00:52:03,954 --> 00:52:06,857 ♪ I DON'T WANNA SIMPLIFY IT 1191 00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,326 HEY, "T." AMAZING NEWS. 1192 00:52:09,359 --> 00:52:12,262 CHRISTIAN'S WILLING TO FORGET ABOUT YOUR PROJECTILE VOMIT 1193 00:52:12,295 --> 00:52:14,364 AND GENERAL SCHWASTEDNESS THIS WEEKEND. 1194 00:52:14,397 --> 00:52:16,299 HE'S STILL WILLING TO GO TO THE PROM WITH YOU. 1195 00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:18,835 REALLY? STILL? BELIEVE IT, BITCH. 1196 00:52:18,869 --> 00:52:20,871 APPARENTLY, YOU BEING THE ONLY DECENT-LOOKING, 1197 00:52:20,904 --> 00:52:22,839 AGE-APPROPRIATE GAY GUY IN A 20-MILE RADIUS 1198 00:52:22,873 --> 00:52:25,675 HAS GIVEN HIM A CONVENIENT CASE OF BONER-INDUCED AMNESIA. 1199 00:52:25,709 --> 00:52:29,346 HE REALLY THINKS I'M DECENT-LOOKING? 1200 00:52:29,379 --> 00:52:30,547 YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ] 1201 00:52:30,580 --> 00:52:31,948 JUST ONE CONDITION -- 1202 00:52:31,982 --> 00:52:35,252 LAY OFF THE COSMO-TINI-RITAS ON PROM NIGHT, OKAY? 1203 00:52:35,285 --> 00:52:36,987 THAT DEFINITELY WON'T BE A PROBLEM. 1204 00:52:37,020 --> 00:52:41,558 YAY! THIS IS GONNA BE SO HOMO-DORALBE! 1205 00:52:41,591 --> 00:52:44,528 COME ON, TAN-TUT. 1206 00:52:44,561 --> 00:52:48,298 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 1207 00:52:48,331 --> 00:52:51,001 I'D LIKE TO GET TWO TICKETS TO PROM. 1208 00:52:51,034 --> 00:52:52,769 OH, OKAY, THEN. 1209 00:52:52,802 --> 00:52:55,539 JUST WRITE DOWN THE NAME OF YOUR DATE HERE 1210 00:52:55,572 --> 00:52:58,275 AND ALSO HER SCHOOL IF SHE --"HE." 1211 00:52:58,308 --> 00:52:59,743 UM, EXCUSE ME? 1212 00:52:59,776 --> 00:53:02,245 HE. HE. SOMETHING FUNNY? 1213 00:53:02,279 --> 00:53:03,680 NO, "HE," AS IN "HIM," 1214 00:53:03,713 --> 00:53:07,617 PRONOUNS THAT DESCRIBE MY DATE, WHO IS A DUDE. 1215 00:53:07,651 --> 00:53:09,886 YIKES. SORRY. TO GET THE COUPLE'S SPECIAL, 1216 00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,522 YOU NEED TO BE A TRADITIONAL BOY/GIRL PAIRING. 1217 00:53:12,556 --> 00:53:13,790 YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT THIS BITCH, TANNER? 1218 00:53:13,823 --> 00:53:15,625 SORRY, BUT THAT'S JUST THE POLICY. 1219 00:53:15,659 --> 00:53:18,361 TANNER, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I SHARE YOUR OUTRAGE. 1220 00:53:18,395 --> 00:53:20,530 NOW, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS? "WE"? 1221 00:53:20,564 --> 00:53:22,432 I JUST THOUGHT YOU COULD USE THE G.S.A.'s HELP 1222 00:53:22,465 --> 00:53:23,900 TO RIGHT THIS BLATANT DISCRIMINATION. 1223 00:53:23,934 --> 00:53:25,535 THAT'S WHY OUR GROUP EXISTS. 1224 00:53:25,569 --> 00:53:27,604 PLEASE COME TO OUR MEETING AFTER SCHOOL. 1225 00:53:27,637 --> 00:53:30,473 THANKS, "SOLE-HAG," BUT WE CAN FIGHT OUT OWN BATTLES. 1226 00:53:30,507 --> 00:53:32,309 THIS ISN'T OVER. 1227 00:53:33,944 --> 00:53:38,348 IT'S JUST OUTRAGEOUS. I MEAN, WHAT IS THIS -- 2008? 1228 00:53:38,381 --> 00:53:39,816 OKAY, THAT'S 20. GIVE ME 20 MORE. 1229 00:53:39,849 --> 00:53:42,586 YOU WANT TO STAY A FOUR-PACK QUEER FOREVER? LET'S GO! 1230 00:53:42,619 --> 00:53:43,820 McKENZIE HAS A DIFFERENT TAKE 1231 00:53:43,853 --> 00:53:45,555 ON THE WHOLE "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR" THING. 1232 00:53:45,589 --> 00:53:47,390 YEAH, AND APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T GET ENOUGH 1233 00:53:47,424 --> 00:53:49,326 OF THAT NEIGHBOR LOVIN'. 1234 00:53:49,359 --> 00:53:51,728 McKENZIE PRICE IS DECEASED, SOCIALLY, AT THIS SCHOOL. 1235 00:53:51,761 --> 00:53:53,863 I'VE ALREADY GOT THE FACEBOOK POST COMPOSED. 1236 00:53:53,897 --> 00:53:56,666 [ SIGHS ] BUT THAT DEFEATS THE PURPOSE. 1237 00:53:56,700 --> 00:53:58,435 [ SIGHS ] I THINK I'M GONNA GO 1238 00:53:58,468 --> 00:54:00,403 TO THE G.S.A. MEETING AFTER SCHOOL. 1239 00:54:01,605 --> 00:54:04,040 NO. SOLEDAD AND HER LITTLE GROUP -- 1240 00:54:04,074 --> 00:54:06,309 IT'LL TOTALLY DOWNGRADE YOUR REP. 1241 00:54:06,343 --> 00:54:07,811 PLUS, THOSE BUSTED BITCHES WERE THE ONES 1242 00:54:07,844 --> 00:54:09,379 THAT DRAGGED YOU OUT OF THE CLOSET. 1243 00:54:09,412 --> 00:54:11,581 REMEMBER? YOU WANT MY ADVICES? 1244 00:54:11,615 --> 00:54:13,516 JUST BUY THE STAG TICKETS AND GET THE "F" OVER IT. 1245 00:54:13,550 --> 00:54:15,885 PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING THIS. 1246 00:54:15,919 --> 00:54:18,755 WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE? I MEAN, THEY OUTED ME, 1247 00:54:18,788 --> 00:54:22,759 BUT AT LEAST THEIR INTENTIONS WERE KIND OF NOBLE, I GUESS. 1248 00:54:22,792 --> 00:54:25,862 AND LET ME JUST SAY -- IF YOU GUYS REALLY CLAIM TO BE MY FRIENDS, 1249 00:54:25,895 --> 00:54:27,464 YOU COULD FOCUS A LITTLE LESS 1250 00:54:27,497 --> 00:54:29,866 ON HOW MUCH I MATCH YOUR OUTFIT ON ANY GIVEN DAY 1251 00:54:29,899 --> 00:54:32,669 AND SHOW SOME CONCERN FOR MY FREAKING EQUAL RIGHTS! 1252 00:54:32,702 --> 00:54:36,740 ♪ A-AMAZING, A-A-AMAZING 1253 00:54:36,773 --> 00:54:39,943 P.S. -- ARE MY ARMS LOOKING MICHELLE OBAMA TONED 1254 00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,811 OR MADONNA SCARY? 1255 00:54:41,845 --> 00:54:44,881 HEY! HEY! HEY! HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT TANNER? 1256 00:54:44,914 --> 00:54:47,884 WHAT? WHAT DID -- I DIDN'T -- WHAT DID YOU HEAR? 1257 00:54:47,917 --> 00:54:49,986 WELL, APPARENTLY HE TOTALLY THREW DOWN 1258 00:54:50,020 --> 00:54:51,821 WITH McKENZIE PRICE OVER PROM. 1259 00:54:51,855 --> 00:54:53,890 YEAH, HE WAS ALL LIKE, "I'M GONNA TAKE A DUDE AS MY DATE," 1260 00:54:53,923 --> 00:54:55,625 AND SHE WAS ALL LIKE, "OH, NOT ON MY WATCH," 1261 00:54:55,659 --> 00:54:57,093 AND THEN HE WAS ALL LIKE, "OH, YEAH, 1262 00:54:57,127 --> 00:54:58,728 WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, YOU C-WORD-FACE MOFO HO." 1263 00:54:58,762 --> 00:55:02,966 HOLD THAT, WONTON. TANNER WANTS TO ASK A GUY TO PROM? 1264 00:55:02,999 --> 00:55:05,435 YEAH. I HAVE NO IDEA WHO, THOUGH. 1265 00:55:05,468 --> 00:55:07,671 HEY, MAYBE HE MET SOMEONE. 1266 00:55:09,939 --> 00:55:12,409 NO ONE I CAN THINK OF. [ LAUGHS ] 1267 00:55:12,442 --> 00:55:14,110 ME NEITHER. 1268 00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:15,745 SEE YA. 1269 00:55:15,779 --> 00:55:17,881 FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, G.S.A.'ers -- 1270 00:55:17,914 --> 00:55:21,117 I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE OUR FIRST ACTUALLY GAY MEMBER, 1271 00:55:21,151 --> 00:55:23,553 TANNER DANIELS! WHOO! 1272 00:55:23,586 --> 00:55:25,588 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] WELCOME, BRO DUDE. 1273 00:55:25,622 --> 00:55:28,558 GOOD TO HAVE ANOTHER MEMBER WITH A MEMBER REPRESENTIN'. 1274 00:55:28,591 --> 00:55:30,026 UH, RIGHT. WELL, I'M JUST HERE 1275 00:55:30,060 --> 00:55:32,462 BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO BUY PROM TICKETS, AND -- 1276 00:55:32,495 --> 00:55:35,699 AND HE COULDN'T BECAUSE OF OUR SCHOOL'S UNJUST, 1277 00:55:35,732 --> 00:55:37,767 TOTALLY OUTDATED PROM-DATE POLICIES. 1278 00:55:37,801 --> 00:55:39,936 SO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS? 1279 00:55:39,969 --> 00:55:41,404 "WE"? 1280 00:55:41,438 --> 00:55:43,840 YEAH. I AM JOINING THE G.S.A. 1281 00:55:43,873 --> 00:55:47,877 TO SUPPORT MY G.B.F. MOVE. 1282 00:55:47,911 --> 00:55:49,646 SORRY. I'M SORRY. 1283 00:55:49,679 --> 00:55:53,516 UM, FAWCETT, THANK YOU, BUT, UM, WE'RE AT CAPACITY. 1284 00:55:53,550 --> 00:55:55,118 SO WE DON'T REALLY -- 1285 00:55:55,151 --> 00:55:58,955 SOLEDAD, THE G.S.A. IS OPEN TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO JOIN. 1286 00:55:58,988 --> 00:56:02,025 BUT, MS. HOEGEL, THIS IS MY THING, YOU KNOW? 1287 00:56:02,058 --> 00:56:04,494 SHE HAS THINGS, LOTS OF THINGS, 1288 00:56:04,527 --> 00:56:07,964 AND SHE'S TRYING TO TAKE MY -- MY, UH... 1289 00:56:07,997 --> 00:56:09,699 SHE'S... ARE YOU QUITE DONE? 1290 00:56:10,967 --> 00:56:13,737 SO, CAN WE PLEASE JUST -- JUST ONE MOMENT, FAWCETT. 1291 00:56:13,770 --> 00:56:16,973 I'VE NOTICED SOME DISTURBING TRENDS 1292 00:56:17,006 --> 00:56:19,442 IN THIS SCHOOL AS OF LATE. 1293 00:56:19,476 --> 00:56:22,645 IT SEEMS THAT MANY OF YOU GIRLS ARE TREATING TANNER 1294 00:56:22,679 --> 00:56:26,850 AS MORE OF A PRIZE TO BE WON THAN AN ACTUAL PERSON. 1295 00:56:26,883 --> 00:56:28,918 MS. HOEGEL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 1296 00:56:28,952 --> 00:56:31,154 RIGHT, "T"? 1297 00:56:31,187 --> 00:56:34,524 LISTEN, GIRLS. I GET THE APPEAL. 1298 00:56:34,557 --> 00:56:38,094 NOW, I MYSELF HAD A GAY BEST FRIEND ONCE AND -- 1299 00:56:38,128 --> 00:56:42,065 OH, WE WERE ROOMMATES FOR MANY FRUITFUL YEARS. 1300 00:56:42,098 --> 00:56:46,936 BUT NOW HE'S NO LONGER WITH US. 1301 00:56:48,705 --> 00:56:50,473 OH. 1302 00:56:50,507 --> 00:56:52,642 OH, DAMN. 1303 00:56:52,675 --> 00:56:54,210 WHAT? WHERE'D HE GO? 1304 00:56:54,244 --> 00:56:56,813 HE OBVI DIED OF THE HIV, DUMBASS. 1305 00:56:56,846 --> 00:56:58,882 OH, GOD, NO! 1306 00:56:58,915 --> 00:57:01,518 HE MOVED TO SAN DIEGO WITH A LEATHER QUEEN. 1307 00:57:01,551 --> 00:57:06,623 I MEANT MYSELF AND MY CAT -- ANDERSON COO-PURR. 1308 00:57:08,825 --> 00:57:10,560 OH, MY GOD. 1309 00:57:10,593 --> 00:57:15,565 [ LAUGHS ] WE'RE VERY HAPPY, MR. COO-PURR AND I. 1310 00:57:15,598 --> 00:57:17,567 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS PROM SITUATION? 1311 00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:19,636 IF YOU CAN'T TAKE YOUR BOY TOY TO PROM, 1312 00:57:19,669 --> 00:57:21,538 I WILL LEAD A SCHOOL-WIDE BOYCOTT, 1313 00:57:21,571 --> 00:57:27,010 AND IF THEY DON'T MEET MY -- I MEAN OUR -- DEMANDS 1314 00:57:27,043 --> 00:57:31,848 THEN I WILL JUST HOST MY OWN COOLER ALTERNA-PROM. 1315 00:57:31,881 --> 00:57:33,883 FAWCETT, YOU'D DO THAT? 1316 00:57:33,917 --> 00:57:37,821 I MEAN, PROM'S YOUR NIGHT. YOU'RE A SHOE-IN FOR PROM QUEEN. 1317 00:57:37,854 --> 00:57:40,857 COME ON. WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING QUEEN 1318 00:57:40,890 --> 00:57:43,593 WHEN I DON'T HAVE A FABULOUS KING TO SHARE IT WITH? 1319 00:57:43,626 --> 00:57:46,196 YOU KNOW WHAT, SOLEDAD? 1320 00:57:46,229 --> 00:57:48,598 YOU HAVE DONE SUCH A GREAT JOB WITH THIS GROUP, 1321 00:57:48,631 --> 00:57:50,867 BUT I THINK IT'S TIME THAT SOME THINGS 1322 00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:52,602 ACTUALLY CHANGED AROUND THIS SCHOOL. 1323 00:57:52,635 --> 00:57:56,172 WHO'S WITH ME? WHOO! 1324 00:57:58,107 --> 00:58:00,810 [ LAUGHS ] 1325 00:58:00,844 --> 00:58:02,545 Girl: HEY, TANNER, LOOKING GOOD. 1326 00:58:02,579 --> 00:58:03,913 HEY. THANKS. 1327 00:58:03,947 --> 00:58:05,281 UGH! W-T-F, "T"? 1328 00:58:05,315 --> 00:58:07,784 I SECURE YOU A DATE WITH THE HOTTEST TEEN HOMO 1329 00:58:07,817 --> 00:58:10,053 IN THE TRI-STATE AREA, AND THAT JIZZ-BIN 1330 00:58:10,086 --> 00:58:11,688 STILL GETS YOUR ENDORSEMENT? 1331 00:58:11,721 --> 00:58:14,924 WHAT? BUT I DIDN'T EVER -- WHAT? 1332 00:58:14,958 --> 00:58:17,894 "TANNER DANIELS ENDORSED FAWCETT BROOKS YESTERDAY 1333 00:58:17,927 --> 00:58:19,262 "AT THE G.S.A. MEETING. 1334 00:58:19,295 --> 00:58:21,764 THE NEW POWER B.F.F.s KNOWN AS --" 1335 00:58:21,798 --> 00:58:24,267 G-FAWCE. CUTE, ISN'T IT? 1336 00:58:24,300 --> 00:58:26,269 YOU REALLY THINK ANOTHER BLAND BLONDE LIKE HER 1337 00:58:26,302 --> 00:58:28,071 DESERVES THE CROWN, TANNER? 1338 00:58:28,104 --> 00:58:31,074 WELL, AT LEAST SHE STANDS UP FOR MY -- MY RIGHTS OR WHATEVER. 1339 00:58:31,107 --> 00:58:32,809 WHAT? PLEASE. THIS HACK-TIVIST DOESN'T GIVE 1340 00:58:32,842 --> 00:58:34,577 A FLYING FAIRY ABOUT GAY RIGHTS. 1341 00:58:34,611 --> 00:58:36,846 SHE JUST DID IT TO GAIN THE ADVANTAGE WITH YOU. 1342 00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,115 OH, YOU MEAN LIKE WHAT YOU DID WITH THAT MALE-BAIT, CHRISTIAN? 1343 00:58:39,148 --> 00:58:41,317 WHATEVER! AT LEAST I TRIED TO BRIBE HIM WITH SEX. 1344 00:58:41,351 --> 00:58:43,253 I TREATED HIM LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING 1345 00:58:43,286 --> 00:58:45,688 AND NOT SOME ASEXUAL, NEUTERED LITTLE PURSE PUPPY. 1346 00:58:45,722 --> 00:58:47,023 COME ON, TAN. I'VE HAD ENOUGH 1347 00:58:47,056 --> 00:58:48,892 BAD-DINNER-THEATER DRAMATICS FOR ONE DAY. 1348 00:58:48,925 --> 00:58:50,927 WE'VE GOT A REVOLUTION TO PLAN. 1349 00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:53,029 DO NOT COME FOR MY CRAFT, BITCH! 1350 00:58:53,062 --> 00:58:54,964 DO NOT COME FOR MY BITCH, BITCH! 1351 00:58:54,998 --> 00:58:57,901 AAH! 1352 00:58:57,934 --> 00:59:00,036 YEAH, IT SOUNDS GREAT. 1353 00:59:00,069 --> 00:59:03,773 [ SIGHS ] RIGHT. PROMISE. NO DRINKS FOR ME. 1354 00:59:03,806 --> 00:59:06,809 SEE YOU THEN, DUDE. 1355 00:59:08,311 --> 00:59:09,913 HEY. 1356 00:59:09,946 --> 00:59:11,848 WHAT'S UP? 1357 00:59:11,881 --> 00:59:13,283 [ SIGHS ] NOT MUCH. 1358 00:59:13,316 --> 00:59:15,952 YOU'RE MAKING QUITE THE STANK OVER PROM, 1359 00:59:15,985 --> 00:59:18,955 JOINING THE G.S.A., ENDORSING YOUR NEW BESTIE. 1360 00:59:18,988 --> 00:59:23,359 I DIDN'T ENDORSE ANYONE. I JUST -- IT'S NOT FAIR. 1361 00:59:23,393 --> 00:59:25,695 WE SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 1362 00:59:25,728 --> 00:59:30,366 "WE"? I MEAN, YOU GOT TO ASK ME FIRST. 1363 00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:32,702 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 1364 00:59:32,735 --> 00:59:35,772 YOU AND ME. PROM. 1365 00:59:35,805 --> 00:59:38,207 UH... 1366 00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:42,045 CAPRICE SET UP THIS THING WITH HER FRIEND. I JUST -- 1367 00:59:42,078 --> 00:59:43,980 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHO SAID ANYTHING 1368 00:59:44,013 --> 00:59:45,315 ABOUT US GOING TO PROM TOGETHER? 1369 00:59:45,348 --> 00:59:47,784 JUST THAT -- NO, NO, I WAS SAYING, 1370 00:59:47,817 --> 00:59:51,321 LIKE, IF YOU WANTED A FRIEND TO GO WITH, 1371 00:59:51,354 --> 00:59:54,958 BUT, LIKE, OBVIOUSLY YOU GOT THAT, YOU KNOW, TAKEN CARE OF, 1372 00:59:54,991 --> 00:59:58,328 SO, YOU KNOW, I HOPE YOUR PRINCE CHARMING 1373 00:59:58,361 --> 01:00:01,431 GIVES YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT... 1374 01:00:01,464 --> 01:00:02,899 AND ALSO CRABS. 1375 01:00:06,035 --> 01:00:08,838 [ SIGHS ] 1376 01:00:15,011 --> 01:00:17,714 I GOT YOUR FACEBOOK MESSAGE. 1377 01:00:17,747 --> 01:00:20,750 WHY ARE YOU WEARING SUNGLASSES? 1378 01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:25,154 DOES YOUR VOCAL COACH KNOW YOU SMOKE? 1379 01:00:26,322 --> 01:00:28,024 [ SIGHS ] 1380 01:00:28,057 --> 01:00:30,226 LOOK, WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE GAYER 1381 01:00:30,259 --> 01:00:32,962 THAN A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE OF "GLEE." 1382 01:00:32,996 --> 01:00:35,131 I AM NOT! 1383 01:00:35,164 --> 01:00:37,133 WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 1384 01:00:37,166 --> 01:00:40,837 WELL, I NEED A MINION, AND YOU NEED A DIVA TO WORSHIP. 1385 01:00:40,870 --> 01:00:44,140 WITH TANNER AND FAWCETT HEADING UP THIS FEY PROM, 1386 01:00:44,173 --> 01:00:45,475 THAT LEAVES AN OPPORTUNITY 1387 01:00:45,508 --> 01:00:47,343 FOR ME TO BE THE QUEEN OF THE REAL ONE. 1388 01:00:47,377 --> 01:00:51,247 SO, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY DATE, MAYBE EVEN MY KING? 1389 01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:53,416 [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 1390 01:00:53,449 --> 01:00:55,084 ALL RIGHT, IF YOU STILL NEED CONVINCING, 1391 01:00:55,118 --> 01:00:58,054 CHECK OUT A PIC OF TANNER'S PROM DATE. 1392 01:00:58,087 --> 01:01:00,123 HE CAN DO BETTER, BUT I'M IN. 1393 01:01:04,227 --> 01:01:05,862 HI, THERE. CAPRICE, YOU SAID 1394 01:01:05,895 --> 01:01:08,064 YOU HAD SOMETHING YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT? 1395 01:01:08,097 --> 01:01:10,299 I DO. 1396 01:01:13,302 --> 01:01:15,038 LOVE YOUR CLOAK. 1397 01:01:15,071 --> 01:01:16,339 THANKS. 1398 01:01:16,372 --> 01:01:19,442 [ LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 1399 01:01:19,475 --> 01:01:21,844 SUPPORT TRADITIONAL PROM-GOING VALUES. 1400 01:01:21,878 --> 01:01:25,915 BUY TICKETS TO THE OFFICIAL, SCHOOL-SANCTIONED PROM. 1401 01:01:25,948 --> 01:01:29,819 ATTEND THE PROM BY STUDENTS, FOR ALL STUDENTS. 1402 01:01:31,521 --> 01:01:33,222 CAN I HAVE ONE, PLEASE? 1403 01:01:33,256 --> 01:01:35,091 NO. UM, SORRY. 1404 01:01:35,124 --> 01:01:37,827 YOU'RE NOT ON OUR LIST OF APPROVED STUDENTS. WHAT? 1405 01:01:37,860 --> 01:01:40,763 THIS BEING AN INDIE OPERATION, WE'VE GOT VERY LIMITED SPACE, 1406 01:01:40,797 --> 01:01:43,099 BUT I'M SURE CAPRICE'S OLD-FASHIONED LOSER DANCE 1407 01:01:43,132 --> 01:01:45,835 HAS PLENTY OF TICKETS AVAILABLE. THANK YOU. 1408 01:01:46,969 --> 01:01:48,905 FAWCETT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! 1409 01:01:48,938 --> 01:01:52,408 TAN, IF WE WANT TO PULL OFF THIS WHOLE GAY-INCLUSIVE-PROM THING, 1410 01:01:52,442 --> 01:01:55,945 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO KEEP IT KIND OF...EXCLUSIVE. 1411 01:01:55,978 --> 01:01:57,914 LOOK, I DIDN'T MAKE UP THESE RULES, 1412 01:01:57,947 --> 01:01:59,816 BUT A FUGLY PROM IS A FAILED PROM. 1413 01:01:59,849 --> 01:02:01,417 [ SMOOCHES ] 1414 01:02:01,451 --> 01:02:03,419 SO WRONG. [ SIGHS ] 1415 01:02:03,453 --> 01:02:06,222 YOU SMELL GREAT. 1416 01:02:07,457 --> 01:02:09,325 THANK YOU. 1417 01:02:09,358 --> 01:02:10,993 I TOLD YOU. THIS IS CRAZY. 1418 01:02:11,027 --> 01:02:13,463 IT'S LIKE FREAKING HIGH-SCHOOL "GAME OF THRONES" 1419 01:02:13,496 --> 01:02:15,798 OUT HERE OR SOMETHING. 1420 01:02:15,832 --> 01:02:18,401 SORRY, ELLEN JR., BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE 1421 01:02:18,434 --> 01:02:20,169 YOUR POOR MAN'S PORTIA TO THIS DANCE. 1422 01:02:20,203 --> 01:02:22,071 TRY THE PRO-SODOMY PROM. 1423 01:02:22,105 --> 01:02:24,474 YOU DO KNOW THAT ORAL COUNTS AS SODOMY, RIGHT? 1424 01:02:24,507 --> 01:02:27,910 SO, WITH THE AMOUNT OF GOING DOWN THAT GOES DOWN AT PROM, 1425 01:02:27,944 --> 01:02:31,114 YOU MIGHT WANT TO RETHINK THE CONCEPT. RIGHT, BRENT? 1426 01:02:31,147 --> 01:02:34,117 BY THE WAY, DID THEY CHANGE THE OFFICIAL PROM SONG 1427 01:02:34,150 --> 01:02:36,486 TO "TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET" JUST FOR YOU? 1428 01:02:36,519 --> 01:02:38,921 NICE TRY, LIES-BIAN, BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT 1429 01:02:38,955 --> 01:02:41,324 THAT MY BOO BRENT IS AS STRAIGHT AS THEY COME. 1430 01:02:41,357 --> 01:02:44,961 LIKE KANYE OR DIDDY OR TYLER PERRY. 1431 01:02:44,994 --> 01:02:47,130 [ SCOFFS ] WHATEV. 1432 01:02:47,163 --> 01:02:49,832 ER. WHATEVER. 1433 01:02:49,866 --> 01:02:53,269 THE FULL WORD. I SAID IT ALL. 1434 01:02:54,537 --> 01:02:57,874 [ SIGHS ] 'TOPHIE, I WANT TO GO TO COOL PROM. 1435 01:02:57,907 --> 01:03:00,376 HEY, 'SHLEY, YOU KNOW CAPRICE CALLS YOU 1436 01:03:00,409 --> 01:03:02,478 A GINGER-SNATCH BEHIND YOUR BACK, RIGHT? 1437 01:03:02,512 --> 01:03:03,980 SHE DOES? 1438 01:03:04,013 --> 01:03:06,082 WELL, FAWCETT SAID YOUR RELIGION 1439 01:03:06,115 --> 01:03:08,951 IS JUST SCIENTOLOGY WITHOUT BIRTH CONTROL OR FAMOUS PEOPLE. 1440 01:03:08,985 --> 01:03:11,988 [ SCOFFS ] WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 1441 01:03:12,021 --> 01:03:14,223 "F" YOU BOTH. 1442 01:03:14,257 --> 01:03:16,092 SHE'LL BE FINE. 1443 01:03:16,125 --> 01:03:20,396 AND WE'LL TAKE TWO TICKETS TO THE 100% TOTALLY UN-GAY PROM. 1444 01:03:20,429 --> 01:03:22,131 THANK YOU. 1445 01:03:23,499 --> 01:03:25,635 Brent: MM. CUTE SHORTS. 1446 01:03:25,668 --> 01:03:27,603 AND YOU. 1447 01:03:27,637 --> 01:03:30,540 I HEAR YOU AND SPIGOT HERE ARE DENYING 1448 01:03:30,573 --> 01:03:32,909 CERTAIN LESS-THAN-FAVORABLE PEOPLE TICKETS. 1449 01:03:32,942 --> 01:03:34,443 RELAX, "SO-FAT." 1450 01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,879 YOU AND "MEMOIRS OF A GAY NERD" ARE ALLOWED TO COME. 1451 01:03:36,913 --> 01:03:40,216 I'M GIVING YOU A TEMPORARY PASS TO THE COOL KIDS' TABLE. 1452 01:03:40,249 --> 01:03:42,552 WE WOULDN'T COME IF YOU PAID US, FAWCETT. 1453 01:03:42,585 --> 01:03:45,087 OR SHOULD I SAY "FASCIST"? 1454 01:03:45,121 --> 01:03:47,156 IT'S YOUR SOCIAL FUNERAL, SWEETIE. 1455 01:03:47,190 --> 01:03:49,992 I'LL START MOURNING NOW. 1456 01:03:50,026 --> 01:03:55,264 SO-FAT! I MEAN, SOPHIE -- DAMN IT -- WAIT! 1457 01:03:55,298 --> 01:03:57,500 YOU KNOW WHAT? 1458 01:03:57,533 --> 01:04:01,204 YOU BOTH HAVE BECOME SO MUCH MORE 1459 01:04:01,237 --> 01:04:05,141 THAN THESE BITCHES' SEXLESS ACCESSORIES. 1460 01:04:05,174 --> 01:04:08,511 YOU'VE BECOME FULL-BLOWN TOOLS, 1461 01:04:08,544 --> 01:04:11,047 IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD. 1462 01:04:12,481 --> 01:04:14,083 OH. 1463 01:04:19,121 --> 01:04:22,191 TANNER. TANNER. 1464 01:04:22,225 --> 01:04:25,361 TANNER! TANNER! 1465 01:04:25,394 --> 01:04:28,364 [ SIGHS ] TANNER! 1466 01:04:28,397 --> 01:04:29,999 WHAT IS YOUR DEAL? 1467 01:04:30,032 --> 01:04:32,235 I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! EXCUSE ME? 1468 01:04:32,268 --> 01:04:34,604 THE LAST I CHECKED, THIS WAS ALL FOR YOU. 1469 01:04:34,637 --> 01:04:36,439 IS IT? 1470 01:04:36,472 --> 01:04:39,342 YOU KNOW I ACTUALLY STARTED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU WERE MY FRIEND? 1471 01:04:39,375 --> 01:04:42,378 BUT WHAT IS THIS, REALLY? AM I JUST SOME TOOL TO YOU, 1472 01:04:42,411 --> 01:04:46,082 A WRENCH SO THAT YOU CAN SCREW OVER CAPRICE AND 'SHLEY? 1473 01:04:46,115 --> 01:04:49,285 WRENCHES DON'T SCREW THINGS. GOD, YOU ARE GAY. 1474 01:04:49,318 --> 01:04:51,554 BUT YOU'RE RIGHT. 1475 01:04:51,587 --> 01:04:55,091 LOOK, AT FIRST I JUST WANTED TO KEEP YOU TO MYSELF. 1476 01:04:55,124 --> 01:05:01,197 AFTER HAMILTON DUMPED ME -- YEAH, IT'S TRUE, HE DUMPED ME -- 1477 01:05:01,230 --> 01:05:03,733 I THOUGHT I NEEDED YOU BY MY SIDE TO WIN. 1478 01:05:03,766 --> 01:05:06,068 BUT IT'S DIFFERENT NOW. 1479 01:05:06,102 --> 01:05:08,471 I REALLY LIKE HANGING OUT WITH YOU... 1480 01:05:08,504 --> 01:05:10,339 FOR REAL. 1481 01:05:10,373 --> 01:05:12,375 THEN WHY CREATE A SEPARATE PROM? 1482 01:05:12,408 --> 01:05:14,543 I MEAN, YOU'RE GONNA WIN QUEEN NO MATTER WHAT. 1483 01:05:14,577 --> 01:05:17,647 DON'T BE SO SURE. 1484 01:05:17,680 --> 01:05:20,516 I TOOK A PEEK AT THE POLLING DATA. 1485 01:05:20,549 --> 01:05:22,151 I RULE WITH THE POPULAR KIDS, 1486 01:05:22,184 --> 01:05:24,220 BUT THE OTHER 90%, THE REST OF THE SCHOOL, 1487 01:05:24,253 --> 01:05:27,089 JUST THINK I'M A SOULLESS BITCH. 1488 01:05:27,123 --> 01:05:29,258 I MEAN, THEY'D RATHER VOTE FOR 'SHLEY. 1489 01:05:29,292 --> 01:05:31,494 AT LEAST SHE'S NICE. 1490 01:05:31,527 --> 01:05:36,132 CAPRICE -- SHE'S GOT TALENT. 1491 01:05:36,165 --> 01:05:37,566 WHAT HAVE I GOT? 1492 01:05:41,304 --> 01:05:44,240 YOU HAVE ME. 1493 01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:46,042 REALLY? 1494 01:05:47,810 --> 01:05:50,513 YOU'RE MORE THAN WHAT PEOPLE SEE ON THE SURFACE, FAWCETT, 1495 01:05:50,546 --> 01:05:52,515 AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO STOOD UP FOR ME 1496 01:05:52,548 --> 01:05:56,552 WHEN IT REALLY MATTERED, SO LET'S MAKE A COMPROMISE. 1497 01:05:56,585 --> 01:05:58,754 YOU LET EVERYONE COME TO THE ALTERNA-PROM, 1498 01:05:58,788 --> 01:06:01,090 AND I'LL MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET THAT CROWN. 1499 01:06:01,123 --> 01:06:02,358 DEAL? 1500 01:06:02,391 --> 01:06:05,261 YEAH. 1501 01:06:08,764 --> 01:06:13,703 THANKS, ALL OF YOU, FOR HELPING TO KEEP OUR PROM GAYNESS-FREE. 1502 01:06:13,736 --> 01:06:19,475 SO, I'M THINKING, ACTIVITY-WISE, HOW ABOUT A PROMISE-RING BOOTH? 1503 01:06:19,508 --> 01:06:21,110 SO CHARMING. LOVE IT. 1504 01:06:21,143 --> 01:06:23,813 PROMISE RINGS FOR PROM. CUTE. 1505 01:06:23,846 --> 01:06:26,215 Brent: I'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF A DIFFERENT PLAN, ALL RIGHT? 1506 01:06:26,248 --> 01:06:29,118 LISTEN UP, LADIES. TANNER AND FAWCETT ARE POACHING 1507 01:06:29,151 --> 01:06:31,153 ALL THE COOL KIDS FOR THEIR LITTLE PANSY PROM. 1508 01:06:31,187 --> 01:06:33,322 IF WE DON'T ACT QUICK, WE WON'T HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE 1509 01:06:33,356 --> 01:06:34,790 FOR A HALFWAY-DECENT HOKEY POKEY. 1510 01:06:34,824 --> 01:06:40,363 WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS START "PROM-OTING" PROM. 1511 01:06:40,396 --> 01:06:41,764 YOU FEEL ME? 1512 01:06:41,797 --> 01:06:45,735 AMAZING. WHOO! YEAH! 1513 01:06:47,370 --> 01:06:51,574 HMM. DON'T YOU THINK THIS MIGHT BE A BIT OVER-THE-TOP, BRENT? 1514 01:06:51,607 --> 01:06:56,645 Brent: I'M JUST FIGHTING FLAMERS WITH FLAME. 1515 01:06:56,679 --> 01:07:00,182 ♪ A LA, A LA LA, WOULD YOU BE KIND? ♪ 1516 01:07:00,216 --> 01:07:03,452 ♪ GIMME ONE LITTLE MORE, AND I'LL BE SUPERFINE ♪ 1517 01:07:03,486 --> 01:07:05,287 ♪ A LA LA, A LA LA 1518 01:07:05,321 --> 01:07:07,356 HEY. OH, MY GOD! 1519 01:07:07,390 --> 01:07:08,858 [ CHUCKLES ] RELAX, DUDE. 1520 01:07:08,891 --> 01:07:12,461 I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I ADMIRE YOUR PASSION. 1521 01:07:12,495 --> 01:07:16,198 YOU'RE REALLY... ORGANIZED. 1522 01:07:16,232 --> 01:07:18,100 I MEAN, WHEN I HEARD ABOUT TANNER GOING TO PROM 1523 01:07:18,134 --> 01:07:21,337 WITH THAT OTHER DUDE, I WAS TOTALLY GROSSED OUT, TOO. 1524 01:07:21,370 --> 01:07:25,241 RIGHT, BRO? I MEAN, LIKE, TWO DUDES, LIKE... 1525 01:07:25,274 --> 01:07:28,310 UGH! UGH. ICK. BLAH. YEAH. 1526 01:07:28,344 --> 01:07:33,749 SO, UM, DO YOU WANT TO FEEL HOW STRAIGHT I AM? 1527 01:07:33,783 --> 01:07:35,351 [ POPS LIPS ] 1528 01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:37,219 COME AGAIN. 1529 01:07:40,156 --> 01:07:42,458 WHOA. IS THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, OR IS THIS A DREAM? 1530 01:07:42,491 --> 01:07:44,493 BECAUSE I JUST CHANGED MY SHEETS YESTERDAY. 1531 01:07:44,527 --> 01:07:46,262 NO, IT'S REAL, BRO. OH, MY GOD. 1532 01:07:46,295 --> 01:07:47,630 WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. 1533 01:07:47,663 --> 01:07:50,733 HOW DID YOU KNOW? I MEAN, DID TANNER TELL YOU? 1534 01:07:50,766 --> 01:07:52,501 NO, DUDE, I FIGURED IT OUT MYSELF. 1535 01:07:52,535 --> 01:07:54,770 TANNER WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME SINCE I TRIED TO GET WITH HIM. 1536 01:07:54,804 --> 01:07:57,206 MMM. MMM. WAIT. WHAT AM I DOING? 1537 01:07:57,239 --> 01:07:58,574 NO, NO WAY, NO. 1538 01:07:58,607 --> 01:08:01,143 I CANNOT HAVE TANNER'S REJECTED SLOPPY SECONDS. 1539 01:08:01,177 --> 01:08:02,645 I HAVE TOO MUCH SELF-RESPECT. 1540 01:08:02,678 --> 01:08:05,181 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOME ANTI-GAY 1541 01:08:05,214 --> 01:08:07,249 PROM POSTERS TO FINISH. 1542 01:08:07,283 --> 01:08:09,385 MMM. 1543 01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:15,357 SO CLOSE. GOD DAMN IT! 1544 01:08:15,391 --> 01:08:16,525 [ GASPS ] 1545 01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:18,861 I AM SO SORRY. 1546 01:08:18,894 --> 01:08:21,263 ♪ YOU GOT ME SHRUNK LIKE A... 1547 01:08:21,297 --> 01:08:24,533 "PROM IS SHORT FOR PROMENADE, NOT PROM-N-AIDS." 1548 01:08:24,567 --> 01:08:27,303 Tanner: NO ONE BUT BRENT COULD COME UP WITH A PUN 1549 01:08:27,336 --> 01:08:29,805 THAT SIMULTANEOUSLY LAME AND OFFENSIVE. 1550 01:08:29,839 --> 01:08:32,875 I TOLD YOU -- HE HAS OFFICIALLY LOST IT. 1551 01:08:32,908 --> 01:08:34,877 WHAT THE SHIT WERE YOU THINKING?! 1552 01:08:34,910 --> 01:08:36,745 THIS LANGUAGE IS UNACCEPTABLE! 1553 01:08:36,779 --> 01:08:38,581 PRINCIPAL CROWE, AS A DEVOUT MORMON, 1554 01:08:38,614 --> 01:08:42,184 I THINK THE SIGNS ARE ALL TOTALLY TRUE AND APPROPRIATE. 1555 01:08:42,218 --> 01:08:45,788 OH, IN WHAT UNIVERSE WOULD "BOUTONNIERES, NOT BUTT SEX!" 1556 01:08:45,821 --> 01:08:48,424 BE APPROPRIATE FOR A PROM SLOGAN? 1557 01:08:48,457 --> 01:08:50,359 YEAH, AND "NO TOSSING SALADS"? 1558 01:08:50,392 --> 01:08:52,695 I GOT THE CAFETERIA LADIES COMING IN HERE 1559 01:08:52,728 --> 01:08:54,697 ASKING ME IF I CHANGED THE MENU! 1560 01:08:54,730 --> 01:08:57,199 I'VE GOT NEWS ORGANIZATIONS CALLING ME, 1561 01:08:57,233 --> 01:08:59,268 NOT TO MENTION THE ACLU. 1562 01:08:59,301 --> 01:09:00,603 FACEBOOK! 1563 01:09:00,636 --> 01:09:01,837 PEOPLE ARE TWEETING ABOUT THIS! 1564 01:09:01,871 --> 01:09:04,273 WE -- WE WEREN'T THINKING. 1565 01:09:04,306 --> 01:09:05,841 WELL, I'M PARTICULARLY DISAPPOINTED 1566 01:09:05,875 --> 01:09:07,543 IN YOU, MR. VAN CAMP. 1567 01:09:07,576 --> 01:09:09,445 I EXPECTED MORE OF YOU. 1568 01:09:09,478 --> 01:09:11,313 I WAS THINKING ABOUT SUSPENDING YOU ALL. 1569 01:09:11,347 --> 01:09:12,648 [ ALL GASP ] 1570 01:09:12,681 --> 01:09:14,917 BUT INSTEAD I'M JUST GONNA CANCEL PROM. 1571 01:09:14,950 --> 01:09:17,386 [ SIGHS ] OH, WAIT, NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT! 1572 01:09:17,419 --> 01:09:19,722 WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'LL TURN US INTO SOCIAL PARIAHS. 1573 01:09:19,755 --> 01:09:22,224 YEAH, THAT'S NOT FAIR. YOU'RE NOT CANCELING THEIR PROM, TOO. 1574 01:09:22,258 --> 01:09:24,326 THAT PROM IS OUT OF PRINCIPAL CROWE'S JURISDICTION, 1575 01:09:24,360 --> 01:09:26,795 AND ITS ORGANIZERS HAVEN'T BEEN PROMOTING A HATE. 1576 01:09:26,829 --> 01:09:29,632 NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT THE SUSPENSIONS. 1577 01:09:31,967 --> 01:09:33,636 THAT WAS TERRIFIC RESTRAINT. 1578 01:09:33,669 --> 01:09:35,771 THANK YOU. 1579 01:09:41,644 --> 01:09:44,914 WELL, TANNER, LOOKS LIKE WE'VE NOW GOT THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN. 1580 01:09:44,947 --> 01:09:47,783 THOUGH, BRENT, I HAVE TO GIVE YOU SOME PROPS. 1581 01:09:47,816 --> 01:09:50,719 THOSE SIGNS WERE PRETTY HILAR. LATER, LATER. 1582 01:09:50,753 --> 01:09:52,555 SORRY. 1583 01:09:53,689 --> 01:09:55,324 ONWARD, CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS. 1584 01:09:55,357 --> 01:09:56,792 THEY WANT TO CANCEL OUR PROM? 1585 01:09:56,825 --> 01:09:58,460 THEN WE WILL ORGANIZE A PROTEST 1586 01:09:58,494 --> 01:10:00,829 OF THEIR DEVIANT DANCE OF DEBAUCHERY. 1587 01:10:00,863 --> 01:10:02,431 SHE'S RIGHT, "B." 1588 01:10:02,464 --> 01:10:04,934 THE WHOLE "ME BEING PROM QUEEN" SHIP HAS SAILED. 1589 01:10:04,967 --> 01:10:08,370 BUT TAKE IT FROM AN ACTRESS -- IF WE CAN'T BE IN THE SPOTLIGHT, 1590 01:10:08,404 --> 01:10:10,906 WE CAN SURE MAKE ONE HELL OF A SCENE. 1591 01:10:10,940 --> 01:10:13,709 [ Chanting ] FAMILY VALUES! 1592 01:10:13,742 --> 01:10:15,744 All: [ Chanting ] FAMILY VALUES! 1593 01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:18,547 FAMILY VALUES! FAMILY... 1594 01:10:18,581 --> 01:10:19,882 'TOPHIE, HOW COULD YOU? 1595 01:10:19,915 --> 01:10:22,618 THOSE SIGNS THAT YOU MADE WERE JUST SO, SO MEAN. 1596 01:10:22,651 --> 01:10:25,020 BABE, I WAS JUST TRYING TO PROTECT OUR RELATIONSHIP. 1597 01:10:25,054 --> 01:10:27,656 OH, WELL, CONGRATULATIONS. YOU JUST DID THE OPPOSITE. 1598 01:10:27,690 --> 01:10:29,725 WE ARE SO DONE-ZO. 1599 01:10:32,695 --> 01:10:34,997 HMM. 1600 01:10:35,030 --> 01:10:36,632 HOW'S IT GOING, GUYS? 1601 01:10:36,665 --> 01:10:38,634 OH, FANTASTIC. 1602 01:10:38,667 --> 01:10:40,636 WE'VE DEVISED A GENIUS WAY TO TAKE "TAN LINES" 1603 01:10:40,669 --> 01:10:42,004 DOWN A FEW NOTCHES. 1604 01:10:42,037 --> 01:10:43,973 AND KNOCK "FAWCE-SLUT" OFF HER HORSE HIGH. 1605 01:10:44,006 --> 01:10:45,774 OKAY, SO, WHILE YOU CRAZY CHRISTIANS 1606 01:10:45,808 --> 01:10:47,743 ARE OUTSIDE PROTESTING, CAPRICE AND I WILL 1607 01:10:47,776 --> 01:10:49,678 INFILTRATE THE PROM IN KILLER ENSEMBLES. 1608 01:10:49,712 --> 01:10:50,980 JAMES BOND. HELLO. 1609 01:10:51,013 --> 01:10:52,715 AND THE MOMENT THAT TANNER AND FAWCETT 1610 01:10:52,748 --> 01:10:56,552 ARE CROWNED KING AND QUEEN, WE DOUSE THEM WITH THIS. 1611 01:10:56,585 --> 01:10:58,520 IT'LL BE VERY STEPHEN KING'S "CARRIE" 1612 01:10:58,554 --> 01:11:00,089 MEETS MARIAH CAREY'S "GLITTER." 1613 01:11:00,122 --> 01:11:01,924 TANNER WILL HATE IT. 1614 01:11:01,957 --> 01:11:03,993 THIS ONE TIME, IN, LIKE, THE FOURTH GRADE, I ACCIDENTALLY, 1615 01:11:04,026 --> 01:11:05,761 LIKE SPILLED GLITTER ON HIM IN ARTS AND CRAFTS. 1616 01:11:05,794 --> 01:11:07,596 HE DIDN'T TALK TO ME FOR LIKE A MONTH. 1617 01:11:07,630 --> 01:11:09,531 IT'S LIKE THE LONGEST HE AND I HAVE EVER GONE WITHOUT SPEAKING, 1618 01:11:09,565 --> 01:11:11,834 YOU KNOW, UP UNTIL NOW. 1619 01:11:11,867 --> 01:11:13,402 AND FAWCETT WILL BE PICKING IT 1620 01:11:13,435 --> 01:11:15,771 OUT OF HER PRIZED GOLDILOCKS FOR MONTHS. 1621 01:11:15,804 --> 01:11:18,374 WITH ANY LUCK, SHE'LL HAVE TO SHAVE IT BACK LIKE BRITNEY. 1622 01:11:18,407 --> 01:11:20,509 [ SQUEALS ] YEAH! I LOVE IT! 1623 01:11:20,542 --> 01:11:22,077 GREAT SCHEMING, GUYS. 1624 01:11:22,111 --> 01:11:24,813 I'M JUST SO GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS NOW, CAPRICE. 1625 01:11:24,847 --> 01:11:26,915 I'VE ALWAYS WANTED AN S.B.F. 1626 01:11:26,949 --> 01:11:28,450 AN S.B.F.? 1627 01:11:28,484 --> 01:11:30,486 SASSY BLACK FRIEND. DUH. [ GIGGLES ] 1628 01:11:33,522 --> 01:11:36,458 Tanner: AS BRENT AND CAPRICE PLOTTED, 1629 01:11:36,492 --> 01:11:37,860 I REALIZED I HAD MY OWN 1630 01:11:37,893 --> 01:11:40,629 UNFINISHED BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF. 1631 01:11:40,663 --> 01:11:41,864 HEY. 1632 01:11:41,897 --> 01:11:44,433 I-I MEAN, HEY. 1633 01:11:44,466 --> 01:11:46,969 I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY. 1634 01:11:47,002 --> 01:11:50,506 TANNER, HONEY, WHAT IS IT? YOU NEED A SNACK. 1635 01:11:50,539 --> 01:11:52,574 NO, SHANNON, I'M NOT HUNGRY. 1636 01:11:52,608 --> 01:11:54,076 I, UM... 1637 01:11:54,109 --> 01:11:56,011 I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU BOTH, 1638 01:11:56,045 --> 01:11:58,113 AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. 1639 01:11:59,682 --> 01:12:01,050 TANNER? 1640 01:12:01,083 --> 01:12:03,018 HONEY, WHAT IS IT? 1641 01:12:04,953 --> 01:12:06,655 I, UM... 1642 01:12:06,689 --> 01:12:08,857 SO, I'M -- I'M NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO THE PROM 1643 01:12:08,891 --> 01:12:10,559 WITH FAWCETT TOMORROW. 1644 01:12:10,592 --> 01:12:14,730 I MEAN, SHE'S DRIVING ME, BUT I'VE GOT ANOTHER DATE -- 1645 01:12:14,763 --> 01:12:16,065 A BOY. 1646 01:12:16,098 --> 01:12:18,100 I LIKE BOYS. 1647 01:12:19,535 --> 01:12:21,970 WELL, I MEAN, NOT BOYS, LIKE -- GROSS. 1648 01:12:22,004 --> 01:12:24,840 MEN. MEN. LIKE MEN MY OWN AGE. 1649 01:12:24,873 --> 01:12:28,544 AND SO DID ABRAHAM LINCOLN. I READ THAT SOMEWHERE. 1650 01:12:28,577 --> 01:12:31,513 AND HE WAS, LIKE, THE BEST REPUBLICAN EVER, 1651 01:12:31,547 --> 01:12:33,982 SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY SAY SOMETHING 1652 01:12:34,016 --> 01:12:36,685 BEFORE I KEEP SAYING MORE THINGS. 1653 01:12:39,588 --> 01:12:41,123 TANNER... 1654 01:12:41,156 --> 01:12:42,925 WE KNOW. 1655 01:12:45,194 --> 01:12:46,929 Y-YOU WHAT? 1656 01:12:46,962 --> 01:12:48,997 WE KNOW. 1657 01:12:49,031 --> 01:12:50,866 AND IT'S OKAY. 1658 01:12:50,899 --> 01:12:54,536 ALTHOUGH YOUR CLAIMS ABOUT ABRAHAM LINCOLN 1659 01:12:54,570 --> 01:12:56,839 I DON'T THINK ARE ENTIRELY SUBSTANTIATED. 1660 01:12:56,872 --> 01:12:58,140 TANNER, SWEETIE. 1661 01:12:58,173 --> 01:13:00,809 I MEAN, YOU HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLETELY CONSISTENT 1662 01:13:00,843 --> 01:13:02,644 IN CLEARING THE INTERNET HISTORY. 1663 01:13:02,678 --> 01:13:05,581 WE'VE SEEN SOME STUFF. 1664 01:13:05,614 --> 01:13:07,616 WORD. WE HAVE SEEN SOME STUFF. 1665 01:13:07,649 --> 01:13:09,585 I MEAN, WHO KNEW THAT THAT EVEN -- OH, MY GOD. 1666 01:13:09,618 --> 01:13:12,221 ANYWAY, SO, YOU'RE 100% 1667 01:13:12,254 --> 01:13:15,023 COMPLETELY ALLERGIC TO THE LADY PARTS. 1668 01:13:15,057 --> 01:13:18,093 THAT'S FINE! WHO CARES? IT'S OKAY. 1669 01:13:18,127 --> 01:13:20,763 I-I-I COULD BE BI. 1670 01:13:20,796 --> 01:13:22,765 [ Laughing ] YEAH, RIGHT! 1671 01:13:22,798 --> 01:13:24,733 OF COURSE YOU CAN. 1672 01:13:24,767 --> 01:13:28,737 [ CLEARS THROAT ] OKAY, WELL, UM... 1673 01:13:28,771 --> 01:13:31,073 SO, GOOD, I GUESS, THEN. 1674 01:13:31,106 --> 01:13:34,209 I'M -- I'M GONNA -- I'M GONNA GO. 1675 01:13:34,243 --> 01:13:35,911 TANNER, HONEY, DO YOU NEED A SNACK? 1676 01:13:35,944 --> 01:13:37,946 YOU'RE SKINNY. 1677 01:13:37,980 --> 01:13:40,048 HE COULD BE BI. [ CHUCKLES ] 1678 01:13:40,082 --> 01:13:41,583 COASTAL. 1679 01:13:41,617 --> 01:13:43,786 [ BOTH LAUGH ] [ SIGHS ] 1680 01:13:43,819 --> 01:13:45,821 Mrs. Van Camp: OH, PROM! LET'S DO THIS! 1681 01:13:47,723 --> 01:13:49,224 OH, THAT'S CUTE. 1682 01:13:49,258 --> 01:13:52,928 OH, THAT'S SO PROM. YES. 1683 01:13:52,961 --> 01:13:55,597 [ ROYAL TEETH'S "WILD" PLAYING ] 1684 01:14:00,068 --> 01:14:03,539 ♪ OH, OOH-OOH-OH 1685 01:14:03,572 --> 01:14:05,908 ♪ OOH-OOH-OH, OH 1686 01:14:05,941 --> 01:14:07,576 GIRL, YOU LOOK GREAT. 1687 01:14:07,609 --> 01:14:08,911 HEY, GIRL. 1688 01:14:08,944 --> 01:14:11,547 [ CHUCKLES ] I WAS TALKING TO MY SON. 1689 01:14:11,580 --> 01:14:13,682 THANK YOU. [ CHUCKLES ] 1690 01:14:13,715 --> 01:14:15,651 ♪ OH 1691 01:14:15,684 --> 01:14:16,785 [ SIGHS ] READY? 1692 01:14:16,819 --> 01:14:18,821 YEAH. LET'S DO THIS. 1693 01:14:18,854 --> 01:14:20,956 ♪ DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TIME 1694 01:14:20,989 --> 01:14:26,128 ♪ FOR YOU AND ME TO MAKE SOME HISTORY? ♪ 1695 01:14:26,161 --> 01:14:27,830 ♪ TELL ME NOW WHAT YOU SAY 1696 01:14:27,863 --> 01:14:30,032 All: CHEESE! 1697 01:14:30,065 --> 01:14:32,301 AH! AWW. 1698 01:14:32,334 --> 01:14:33,569 ♪ WE CAN TAKE ANYTHING 1699 01:14:33,602 --> 01:14:35,637 CAPRICE, I'M IMPRESSED. 1700 01:14:35,671 --> 01:14:39,842 I MEAN, YOU LOOK VERY CONVINCING. 1701 01:14:43,612 --> 01:14:47,149 ♪ WHEN TIMES ARE HARD WE'LL SMILE AND SAY ♪ 1702 01:14:47,182 --> 01:14:50,152 ♪ WE'RE NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING 1703 01:14:50,185 --> 01:14:53,255 ♪ 'CAUSE WE FEEL YOUNG AND WILD ♪ 1704 01:14:53,288 --> 01:14:55,057 ♪ I BELIEVE 1705 01:14:55,090 --> 01:14:57,292 DARLING, CAN I JUST -- JUST WANT -- 1706 01:14:57,326 --> 01:15:00,229 LISTEN, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT, 1707 01:15:00,262 --> 01:15:02,331 YOU KNOW, ALL THIS IS AND I DON'T -- 1708 01:15:02,364 --> 01:15:05,234 WHATEVER -- WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL YOURSELF. 1709 01:15:05,267 --> 01:15:12,708 I MEAN, THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR MOM LOVES YOU VERY MUCH, 1710 01:15:12,741 --> 01:15:15,344 LIKE CRAZY A LOT, LIKE TO THE POINT 1711 01:15:15,377 --> 01:15:18,046 WHERE IT'S REALLY KIND OF RIDICULOUS. 1712 01:15:18,080 --> 01:15:20,616 IT'S ALMOST EMBARRASSING. A LOT. 1713 01:15:20,649 --> 01:15:24,119 SO, PLEASE JUST KNOW THAT, DARLING. 1714 01:15:24,152 --> 01:15:27,356 THANKS. I LOVE YOU, TOO. 1715 01:15:27,389 --> 01:15:29,191 OH, GOSH, HONEY. THANK YOU SO MUCH. 1716 01:15:29,224 --> 01:15:32,094 HERE, I DON'T WANT TO -- I DON'T WANT TO SMUDGE YOUR MAKEUP. 1717 01:15:32,127 --> 01:15:34,229 ...SHALL SURELY BE PUT TO DEATH! 1718 01:15:34,263 --> 01:15:35,664 [ GRUNTING ] 1719 01:15:35,697 --> 01:15:39,701 PREPARE YE... FOR THE INFIDELS. 1720 01:15:41,003 --> 01:15:42,771 FINALLY. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 1721 01:15:42,804 --> 01:15:45,674 AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT? 1722 01:15:45,707 --> 01:15:49,044 YOU'RE BAILING ON ME TO GO AFTER THAT LATTER-DAY SKANK. 1723 01:15:49,077 --> 01:15:50,612 'SHLEY DUMPED 'TOPHER 1724 01:15:50,646 --> 01:15:52,948 AND NEEDS A G.B.F. TO ESCORT HER TO PROM. 1725 01:15:52,981 --> 01:15:55,284 SHE STILL SEEMS TO THINK THAT I'M GAY, 1726 01:15:55,317 --> 01:15:57,953 DESPITE OUR LITTLE DRY-HUMPING SESSION. 1727 01:15:57,986 --> 01:16:00,989 THE INDIGNITIES AND HUMILIATIONS A GUY WILL GO THROUGH 1728 01:16:01,023 --> 01:16:02,958 JUST FOR SOME MORMON GINGE-MUFF. 1729 01:16:02,991 --> 01:16:06,695 YOU REALLY ARE A FLAMING HETEROSEXUAL. 1730 01:16:06,728 --> 01:16:08,096 [ Singsong voice ] GUILTY. 1731 01:16:08,130 --> 01:16:10,165 SERIOUSLY, SOPHE, CAN YOU DO ME A HUGE FAVOR 1732 01:16:10,198 --> 01:16:11,767 AND COVER PROM FOR THE GAZETTE? 1733 01:16:11,800 --> 01:16:13,936 NO. COME ON! PLEASE. 1734 01:16:13,969 --> 01:16:15,304 YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, KNOW 1735 01:16:15,337 --> 01:16:17,306 THAT THIS INSANITY NEEDS TO BE DOCUMENTED. 1736 01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:21,743 AND, UH, WELL, I MIGHT HAVE MY HANDS FULL. 1737 01:16:21,777 --> 01:16:23,211 I AM NOT PAYING AQUA-VALVE ONE CENT 1738 01:16:23,245 --> 01:16:25,013 TO GET INTO HER SHAM OF A DANCE. 1739 01:16:25,047 --> 01:16:27,783 COMPED PRESS PASSES. 1740 01:16:27,816 --> 01:16:31,386 FINE, BUT I'M ONLY GOING IF THERE ARE APPETIZERS. 1741 01:16:31,420 --> 01:16:33,322 YES! 1742 01:16:33,355 --> 01:16:35,724 DON'T HUG ME. COME ON. 1743 01:16:37,359 --> 01:16:40,395 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] 1744 01:16:40,429 --> 01:16:42,331 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] AWW! 1745 01:16:42,364 --> 01:16:43,799 YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN. 1746 01:16:43,832 --> 01:16:45,300 WHAT? 1747 01:16:45,334 --> 01:16:47,869 THAT NOISE GIRLS MAKE WHEN THEY SEE TWO GAY GUYS TOGETHER. 1748 01:16:47,903 --> 01:16:50,305 YEAH, IT'S THE SAME ANNOYING SOUND PEOPLE MAKE 1749 01:16:50,339 --> 01:16:53,008 WHEN THEY SEE CUTE ANIMALS DRESSED IN HUMAN CLOTHES. 1750 01:16:53,041 --> 01:16:56,144 EW, GROSS. BARF. IS THAT BETTER? 1751 01:16:56,178 --> 01:16:59,181 MUCH. 1752 01:16:59,214 --> 01:17:00,415 YOU'RE ALL GONNA BURN! 1753 01:17:00,449 --> 01:17:02,417 THINK OF YOUR SOUL YOU'RE DEFILING! 1754 01:17:02,451 --> 01:17:04,052 EVER READ THE BIBLE?! 1755 01:17:04,086 --> 01:17:06,154 "DO NOT LIE WITH A MAN AS ONE LIES WITH A WOMAN! 1756 01:17:06,188 --> 01:17:08,056 IT IS AN ABOMINATION!" 1757 01:17:08,090 --> 01:17:10,258 ABOMINATION! 1758 01:17:10,292 --> 01:17:12,060 Hamilton: YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL! 1759 01:17:12,094 --> 01:17:14,396 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 1760 01:17:16,398 --> 01:17:18,333 THAT'S RIGHT, BITCHES. 1761 01:17:18,367 --> 01:17:20,268 I'M UPSTAGING YOU ALL WITH DOUBLE THE 'MO. 1762 01:17:20,302 --> 01:17:23,138 AND THIS ONE'S IMPORTED. 1763 01:17:35,917 --> 01:17:38,286 [ LAUGHTER ] 1764 01:17:44,359 --> 01:17:46,361 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 1765 01:17:49,798 --> 01:17:51,867 TAKE MY PICTURE! PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE MY PICTURE! 1766 01:17:51,900 --> 01:17:53,335 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 1767 01:18:25,167 --> 01:18:26,535 CAPRICE. 1768 01:18:26,568 --> 01:18:28,236 BRENT. 1769 01:18:28,270 --> 01:18:30,272 FUNNY SEEING YOU HERE. 1770 01:18:30,305 --> 01:18:32,140 WELCOME. 1771 01:18:32,174 --> 01:18:33,975 Caprice: WE'VE SEEN THE ERROR OF OUR WAYS. 1772 01:18:34,009 --> 01:18:35,544 WE JUST CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU BOTH CROWNED. 1773 01:18:35,577 --> 01:18:38,880 YOU GUYS REALLY DESERVE IT. TRULY. 1774 01:18:38,914 --> 01:18:40,916 Ashley: SEE, YOU GUYS? IT ALL WORKED OUT. 1775 01:18:40,949 --> 01:18:42,484 WE ALL HAVE OUR VERY OWN G.B.F. 1776 01:18:42,517 --> 01:18:45,353 ACTUALLY, WE'RE NOT ALL G.B.F.'s. 1777 01:18:45,387 --> 01:18:47,823 RIGHT -- BRENT'S 100%, GRADE-"A" HETERO. 1778 01:18:47,856 --> 01:18:50,358 [ CHUCKLES ] SURE HE IS. 1779 01:18:59,301 --> 01:19:01,036 ♪ I MIGHT BE DRASTIC, 1780 01:19:01,069 --> 01:19:03,371 ♪ BUT I'M MORE THAN PLASTIC, I SHOW IT OFF... ♪ 1781 01:19:03,405 --> 01:19:05,073 WELL, HEY, THERE, PROM DATE. 1782 01:19:05,107 --> 01:19:06,374 HEY. 1783 01:19:06,408 --> 01:19:08,510 SO, IS THIS NOT THE LAMEST THING EVER? 1784 01:19:08,543 --> 01:19:10,312 I DIDN'T KNOW WE WERE GONNA BE 1785 01:19:10,345 --> 01:19:12,347 YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S MATCHING CORSAGES. 1786 01:19:12,380 --> 01:19:15,450 [ CHUCKLES ] I KNOW, RIGHT? SORRY ABOUT THAT. 1787 01:19:15,484 --> 01:19:17,586 YOU WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE? 1788 01:19:17,619 --> 01:19:21,356 I KNOW A PLACE WHERE WE COULD... GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. 1789 01:19:21,389 --> 01:19:24,559 YEAH, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME. I JUST FEEL LIKE I SHOULD 1790 01:19:24,593 --> 01:19:26,928 REALLY STAY HERE FOR FAWCETT'S SAKE, YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE... 1791 01:19:26,962 --> 01:19:28,196 TANNER. ...SHE'S LIKE... 1792 01:19:28,230 --> 01:19:29,598 TANNER. ...REALLY FRAGILE... 1793 01:19:29,631 --> 01:19:31,900 TANNER. ...AND -- HMM? 1794 01:19:31,933 --> 01:19:35,971 I GET IT. YOU'RE NOT THERE YET. 1795 01:19:36,004 --> 01:19:39,808 SO, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M -- I'M GONNA BOUNCE. 1796 01:19:41,042 --> 01:19:42,244 OKAY. 1797 01:19:42,277 --> 01:19:44,846 [ SMOOCHES ] 1798 01:19:44,880 --> 01:19:46,548 NIGHT. 1799 01:19:46,581 --> 01:19:48,483 SURE. 1800 01:19:50,485 --> 01:19:52,420 [ CELLPHONE DINGS ] 1801 01:19:58,393 --> 01:20:00,262 ...THESE WAYS, FOR THIS IS HOW THE NATIONS 1802 01:20:00,295 --> 01:20:02,330 I AM DRIVING OUT BEFORE YOU BECAME DEFILED. 1803 01:20:02,364 --> 01:20:05,167 'Topher: NICE! AS THE LAND WAS DEFILED, I CAME TO PUNISH IT, 1804 01:20:05,200 --> 01:20:07,035 AND IT HAS VOMITED OUT ITS INHABITANTS. 1805 01:20:07,068 --> 01:20:09,171 YOU SHALL KEEP MY PROMISES... SEE YA. 1806 01:20:09,204 --> 01:20:11,072 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ] 1807 01:20:11,106 --> 01:20:13,208 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 1808 01:20:14,276 --> 01:20:15,977 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 1809 01:20:16,011 --> 01:20:19,314 [ SIGHS ] I FEEL A MONSTER STRESS ZIT COMING ON. 1810 01:20:19,347 --> 01:20:20,949 YOU KNOW WHEN YOU CAN FEEL IT COMING 1811 01:20:20,982 --> 01:20:22,517 AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT? 1812 01:20:22,551 --> 01:20:23,919 LET ME LOOK. 1813 01:20:23,952 --> 01:20:25,053 [ SIGHS ] 1814 01:20:25,086 --> 01:20:27,222 OKAY, WELL, I DO SEE IT. 1815 01:20:27,255 --> 01:20:30,091 THE GOOD NEWS IS IT WON'T SURFACE FOR A FEW HOURS. 1816 01:20:30,125 --> 01:20:31,493 THANKS. 1817 01:20:31,526 --> 01:20:34,062 BUT IF THINGS RUN LATE WITH POSH SPICE, 1818 01:20:34,095 --> 01:20:36,598 HE MIGHT HAVE TO LEARN TO LOVE YOU, ZITS AND ALL. 1819 01:20:36,631 --> 01:20:40,602 NOT GONNA HAPPEN. HE BAILED. 1820 01:20:40,635 --> 01:20:43,405 I GUESS I SPENT ALL THIS TIME BEING A G.B.F. 1821 01:20:43,438 --> 01:20:47,175 AND NEVER ACTUALLY LEARNED HOW TO BE A REAL, LIVE GAY. 1822 01:20:47,209 --> 01:20:52,047 WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU. 1823 01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:53,615 [ SIGHS ] 1824 01:20:53,648 --> 01:20:58,353 I JUST MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH. 1825 01:20:58,386 --> 01:21:00,488 I CAN'T BELIEVE I DITCHED YOU. 1826 01:21:00,522 --> 01:21:02,958 I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. 1827 01:21:02,991 --> 01:21:06,394 I JUST -- JUST GOT S-SCARED. 1828 01:21:06,428 --> 01:21:08,296 NOT TO MENTION BLINDED BY THE FLASH 1829 01:21:08,330 --> 01:21:10,365 OF BLEACHED TEETH AND HAIR? 1830 01:21:10,398 --> 01:21:13,335 TANNER? 1831 01:21:13,368 --> 01:21:16,371 OUR CROWNING MOMENT IS ONLY MINUTES AWAY. 1832 01:21:21,409 --> 01:21:23,612 [ APPLAUSE ] GREAT TUNES, GREAT TUNES. 1833 01:21:23,645 --> 01:21:26,181 OKAY, HELLO THERE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, 1834 01:21:26,214 --> 01:21:28,350 AND, UH, EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. 1835 01:21:28,383 --> 01:21:30,719 THIS IS IT, BABES. THIS IS OUR MOMENT. 1836 01:21:30,752 --> 01:21:33,321 T-FAWCE IS GONNA DOMINATE. 1837 01:21:36,258 --> 01:21:41,329 THIS IS IT, OUR MOMENT. T-FAWCE IS GONNA EAT IT. 1838 01:21:41,363 --> 01:21:43,465 WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM, "B." [ CHUCKLES ] 1839 01:21:43,498 --> 01:21:46,434 IT IS MY PLEASURE TO ANNOUNCE THIS YEAR'S, 1840 01:21:46,468 --> 01:21:49,471 UH, PROM KING AND QUEEN OF NORTH GATEWAY'S FIRST 1841 01:21:49,504 --> 01:21:53,541 "L-G-B-T-Q-A 1842 01:21:53,575 --> 01:21:56,578 AND EVERY OTHER LETTER YOU CAN THINK OF"-INCLUSIVE PROM. 1843 01:21:56,611 --> 01:22:00,248 SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO... 1844 01:22:00,282 --> 01:22:02,450 [ DRUM ROLL ] 1845 01:22:04,185 --> 01:22:07,188 ...OUR TRAILBLAZING COUPLE IS... 1846 01:22:08,356 --> 01:22:09,624 ...T-FAWCE! 1847 01:22:09,658 --> 01:22:11,693 [ GASPS ] 1848 01:22:11,726 --> 01:22:13,662 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] TANNER AND FAWCETT! 1849 01:22:13,695 --> 01:22:16,331 WOW. 1850 01:22:21,469 --> 01:22:24,472 CONGRATULATIONS. WELL DESERVED. 1851 01:22:24,506 --> 01:22:26,708 LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU THINK THEY'RE IN POSITION. 1852 01:22:26,741 --> 01:22:28,109 CONGRATULATIONS. 1853 01:22:28,143 --> 01:22:29,277 Girl: WE LOVE YOU, TANNER. 1854 01:22:29,311 --> 01:22:30,512 THANK YOU. 1855 01:22:30,545 --> 01:22:32,714 OH, MY GOODNESS. THIS IS SUCH A SURPRISE. 1856 01:22:32,747 --> 01:22:34,616 FAWCETT, I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING. 1857 01:22:34,649 --> 01:22:36,584 [ CHUCKLES ] OKAY. 1858 01:22:36,618 --> 01:22:38,620 Boy: YOU'RE FIERCE! 1859 01:22:38,653 --> 01:22:41,423 This is for you. 1860 01:22:41,456 --> 01:22:43,491 WAIT. GIVE HIM A SECOND. 1861 01:22:43,525 --> 01:22:46,127 Girls: WE LOVE YOU, T-FAWCE! 1862 01:22:46,161 --> 01:22:47,629 LOOK, UH, THANKS, EVERYONE, 1863 01:22:47,662 --> 01:22:52,233 FOR MAKING ME KING OF THIS GAY PROM. 1864 01:22:52,267 --> 01:22:55,303 OH, MY GOD, HE'S DOING IT. HE'S GOING FULL LOHAN. 1865 01:22:55,337 --> 01:22:59,774 I DON'T WANT TO BE KING OF THE GAY PROM 1866 01:22:59,808 --> 01:23:06,448 OR BE A GAY BEST FRIEND OR GET GAY-MARRIED. 1867 01:23:06,481 --> 01:23:09,184 I JUST WANT TO GO TO PROM, 1868 01:23:09,217 --> 01:23:14,255 BE A FRIEND, AND GET MARRIED, MAYBE. 1869 01:23:14,289 --> 01:23:19,127 YOU ALL SEE ME MORE AS AN OBJECT OR A SYMBOL. 1870 01:23:19,160 --> 01:23:22,263 I GUESS I'VE BEEN GUILTY OF THAT MYSELF. 1871 01:23:22,297 --> 01:23:26,601 I USED MY FRIENDS AS SHIELDS TO HIDE BEHIND. 1872 01:23:28,870 --> 01:23:32,240 I HAD FRIENDS WHO CARED ABOUT ME, 1873 01:23:32,273 --> 01:23:36,077 WHETHER I WAS GAY OR WHATEVER. 1874 01:23:38,713 --> 01:23:44,319 AND I HAD A BEST FRIEND WHO I SHARED EVERYTHING WITH. 1875 01:23:44,352 --> 01:23:48,656 AND ALL I WANT IS -- I MEAN, I'D GIVE ANYTHING 1876 01:23:48,690 --> 01:23:52,527 TO JUST BE HIS LOYAL SIDEKICK AGAIN. 1877 01:23:57,132 --> 01:23:58,700 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 1878 01:23:58,733 --> 01:24:01,202 [ APPLAUSE ] 1879 01:24:02,804 --> 01:24:05,874 WELL, THAT'S JUST SWEETER THAN A PUG IN A SUNDRESS. 1880 01:24:05,907 --> 01:24:07,242 OH, NO! 1881 01:24:07,275 --> 01:24:09,811 [ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ] 1882 01:24:13,314 --> 01:24:15,283 OH, MY GOD. 1883 01:24:18,553 --> 01:24:19,721 [ ALL GASPING ] 1884 01:24:19,754 --> 01:24:22,157 [ GIRL SCREAMS ] 1885 01:24:25,794 --> 01:24:28,196 MNH. 1886 01:24:28,229 --> 01:24:31,366 BRENT! JESUS. ARE YOU OKAY? 1887 01:24:31,399 --> 01:24:32,767 THOUGHT YOU COULD UPSTAGE ME 1888 01:24:32,801 --> 01:24:34,736 WITH A CLASSIC "WHAT I LEARNED" SPEECH? 1889 01:24:34,769 --> 01:24:37,872 [ BLOWS ] AMATEUR. 1890 01:24:37,906 --> 01:24:39,841 Tanner: SO, BRENT BURST OUT OF THE CLOSET 1891 01:24:39,874 --> 01:24:43,244 IN AN EXPLOSION OF GLITTER, JUST LIKE HE ALWAYS WANTED, 1892 01:24:43,278 --> 01:24:44,813 AND I GOT MY BEST FRIEND BACK. 1893 01:24:44,846 --> 01:24:46,648 CAPRICE, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED? 1894 01:24:46,681 --> 01:24:48,516 UH, NOT YET. 1895 01:24:48,550 --> 01:24:51,286 OKAY, Y'ALL MADE YOUR POINT. 1896 01:24:51,319 --> 01:24:54,522 I MADE MINE. NOW WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE. 1897 01:24:54,556 --> 01:24:56,424 YOU CAN STAY OUT HERE, BORED OUT OF YOUR MINDS 1898 01:24:56,458 --> 01:24:58,426 AND FREEZING YOUR ASSES OFF WITH THIS CRAZY BITCH. 1899 01:24:58,460 --> 01:25:01,329 OR YOU CAN COME INSIDE AND DANCE YOUR ASSES OFF 1900 01:25:01,362 --> 01:25:03,331 WITH THIS CRAZY BITCH. 1901 01:25:03,364 --> 01:25:04,833 I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GO HEAVEN 1902 01:25:04,866 --> 01:25:06,668 IF IT'S FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT PSYCHOS LIKE HER? 1903 01:25:10,305 --> 01:25:11,473 THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 1904 01:25:11,506 --> 01:25:13,274 LET'S GO. 1905 01:25:13,308 --> 01:25:15,910 SUIT YOURSELVES! RUN TOWARD DAMNATION! 1906 01:25:15,944 --> 01:25:18,246 I'LL SEE YOU ALL IN HELL! 1907 01:25:18,279 --> 01:25:20,915 I MEAN, I WON'T SEE YOU 'CAUSE I WON'T BE THERE, 1908 01:25:20,949 --> 01:25:23,651 BUT THERE'S PROBABLY, LIKE, A WINDOW OR SOMETHING 1909 01:25:23,685 --> 01:25:26,621 WHERE PEOPLE IN HEAVEN CAN LOOK DOWN TO PEOPLE IN HELL! 1910 01:25:26,654 --> 01:25:31,659 AND I'LL SEE YOU THROUGH THAT HELL WINDOW...THING! 1911 01:25:31,693 --> 01:25:34,295 THAT SUCKS, MAN. 1912 01:25:34,329 --> 01:25:37,532 ♪ IT'S NOT JUST ALL PHYSICAL ♪ 1913 01:25:37,565 --> 01:25:39,234 HOW ABOUT AN H.J.? 1914 01:25:39,267 --> 01:25:41,236 ♪ DROP THAT BEAT, BITCH 1915 01:25:41,269 --> 01:25:45,940 ♪ IT'S HOOK, MAN, HEY, HEY, HEY ♪ 1916 01:25:45,974 --> 01:25:48,710 ♪ MY NAME IS HEVEN 1917 01:25:48,743 --> 01:25:50,512 ♪ MY GAY BEST FRIEND, MY GAY BEST FRIEND ♪ 1918 01:25:50,545 --> 01:25:52,747 ♪ HE'S ON THE GO, HE'S ON THE GO ♪ 1919 01:25:52,780 --> 01:25:54,816 ♪ WE HIT THE CLUB, WE HIT THE CLUB ♪ 1920 01:25:54,849 --> 01:25:56,718 ♪ WE DROP IT LOW, WE DROP IT LOW ♪ 1921 01:25:56,751 --> 01:25:58,920 ♪ HE ALWAYS GETS, HE ALWAYS GETS ♪ 1922 01:25:58,953 --> 01:26:00,788 Tanner: SO, I WENT DOWN IN HISTORY 1923 01:26:00,822 --> 01:26:03,358 AS THE FIRST KID IN OUR SCHOOL TO COME OUT, 1924 01:26:03,391 --> 01:26:06,528 BUT I DEFINITELY WASN'T THE LAST BECAUSE, AS IT TURNS OUT, 1925 01:26:06,561 --> 01:26:09,831 THE CLOSET AND HIGH SCHOOL ARE KIND OF THE SAME THING. 1926 01:26:09,864 --> 01:26:12,267 THEY'RE BOTH SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT TO ESCAPE 1927 01:26:12,300 --> 01:26:14,669 BUT ARE SCARED TO DEATH OF WHAT LIES BEYOND. 1928 01:26:14,702 --> 01:26:16,905 THEY BOTH MAKE YOU KIND OF INSANE, 1929 01:26:16,938 --> 01:26:19,507 CAUSE YOU TO TAKE ON A SECRET IDENTITY, 1930 01:26:19,541 --> 01:26:22,377 OR MAKE YOU CONFUSED... 1931 01:26:22,410 --> 01:26:26,347 OR MEAN... 1932 01:26:26,381 --> 01:26:27,882 OR CRAZY HORNY, EVEN. 1933 01:26:27,916 --> 01:26:29,884 SWEET JOSEPH SMITH, YOU ARE SEXY. 1934 01:26:29,918 --> 01:26:32,720 YOU TOO. 1935 01:26:32,754 --> 01:26:34,622 YOU'RE OUT, RIGHT? 1936 01:26:34,656 --> 01:26:36,658 FOR A FACE LIKE YOURS, I'LL OUT MYSELF 1937 01:26:36,691 --> 01:26:39,827 TO THE ENTIRE MORMON TABERNACLE CHOI-- 1938 01:26:39,861 --> 01:26:42,263 WHEN YOU'RE IN, EVERY LITTLE THING 1939 01:26:42,297 --> 01:26:43,865 JUST SEEMS LIKE THE HUGEST DEAL, 1940 01:26:43,898 --> 01:26:45,400 BUT ONCE YOU'RE OUT, WELL, 1941 01:26:45,433 --> 01:26:47,635 YOU WONDER WHY YOU EVER MADE SUCH A FUSS. 1942 01:26:47,669 --> 01:26:50,872 AND WHILE THINGS STILL SUCK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, 1943 01:26:50,905 --> 01:26:54,509 WHEN YOU FINALLY LEAVE BOTH THE CLOSET AND HIGH SCHOOL, 1944 01:26:54,542 --> 01:26:56,778 EVERYTHING JUST KIND OF... 1945 01:26:56,811 --> 01:26:58,780 SUCKS LESS. 1946 01:26:58,813 --> 01:27:00,682 SO, NOW THAT YOU'RE OUT... 1947 01:27:00,715 --> 01:27:02,283 I AM? 1948 01:27:02,317 --> 01:27:05,286 [ CHUCKLES ] ...WHAT ABOUT US? 1949 01:27:05,320 --> 01:27:06,754 US? 1950 01:27:06,788 --> 01:27:08,523 MM-HMM. 1951 01:27:08,556 --> 01:27:10,925 WELL, I JUST -- I WAS -- HUH? 1952 01:27:10,959 --> 01:27:13,962 WHAT? NO, YOU GO FIRST. 1953 01:27:13,995 --> 01:27:15,663 I WAS THINKING... 1954 01:27:15,697 --> 01:27:16,931 MM-HMM. 1955 01:27:16,965 --> 01:27:19,000 YOU KNOW, IF WE ENDED UP TOGETHER -- 1956 01:27:19,033 --> 01:27:20,468 WHICH WE TOTALLY WOULD 1957 01:27:20,501 --> 01:27:22,971 IF THIS WERE A CLASSIC HIGH-SCHOOL MOVIE. 1958 01:27:23,004 --> 01:27:24,505 RIGHT, AND, YOU KNOW, 1959 01:27:24,539 --> 01:27:26,407 BUT WE DON'T GET TO KISS AS THE CREDITS ROLL. 1960 01:27:26,441 --> 01:27:28,443 WELL, WE GOT TO, YOU KNOW, KEEP GOING. 1961 01:27:28,476 --> 01:27:31,679 MAYBE WE'D LAST A FEW MONTHS... 1962 01:27:31,713 --> 01:27:32,981 RIGHT. ...A YEAR. 1963 01:27:33,014 --> 01:27:35,083 AND THEN WHAT? THEN WE GO TO COLLEGE 1964 01:27:35,116 --> 01:27:37,552 AND THEN I CHEAT ON YOU AND IT'S AWKWARD 1965 01:27:37,585 --> 01:27:39,487 AND I LOSE YOU FOREVER. 1966 01:27:39,520 --> 01:27:42,323 SO, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS, 1967 01:27:42,357 --> 01:27:46,861 INSTEAD OF SATISFYING OUR TEENAGE HORNINESS... 1968 01:27:46,894 --> 01:27:52,700 INSTEAD OF RISKING HAVING YOU AS MY B.F., 1969 01:27:52,734 --> 01:27:56,638 I'D RATHER KEEP YOU FOREVER AS MY B.F.F. 1970 01:27:56,671 --> 01:27:58,373 [ CHUCKLES ] 1971 01:27:58,406 --> 01:28:00,675 GO "F" YOURSELF. 1972 01:28:02,710 --> 01:28:05,880 ♪ BUT NOW I'VE COME BACK AGAIN 1973 01:28:05,913 --> 01:28:09,817 SO, AFTER BRENT HAD MADE HIS GAYNESS OFFICIAL, 1974 01:28:09,851 --> 01:28:11,452 'SHLEY AND GLENN WON CUTEST COUPLE 1975 01:28:11,486 --> 01:28:14,055 WHEN HE CAME OUT AS IRREFUTABLY STRAIGHT 1976 01:28:14,088 --> 01:28:16,591 AND SHE CAME OUT AS A TOTAL RICE QUEEN. 1977 01:28:16,624 --> 01:28:19,394 BUT IT TOOK US A BIT LONGER TO CONVINCE FAWCETT TO COME OUT 1978 01:28:19,427 --> 01:28:22,930 AS A CHEMISTRY NERD WITH A SECRET NICE STREAK. 1979 01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:24,499 OH, MY GOD! 1980 01:28:24,532 --> 01:28:26,801 Tanner: SOPHIE WON A SCHOLARSHIP TO SARAH LAWRENCE 1981 01:28:26,834 --> 01:28:28,870 AFTER SHE PUBLISHED A WELL-REGARDED ANALYSIS 1982 01:28:28,903 --> 01:28:30,138 OF THE ADOLESCENT PROPENSITY 1983 01:28:30,171 --> 01:28:32,507 FOR SELF-PERPETUATED OBJECTIFICATION. 1984 01:28:32,540 --> 01:28:36,144 AND BRENT AND CAPRICE WERE VOTED MOST DRAMATIC, 1985 01:28:36,177 --> 01:28:38,513 WHICH -- LET'S FACE IT -- IS BASICALLY SHORT-HAND 1986 01:28:38,546 --> 01:28:41,115 FOR "GAYEST" AND "BITCHIEST." 1987 01:28:41,149 --> 01:28:45,153 AS FOR ME, I DIDN'T WIN ANY SENIOR SUPERLATIVES. 1988 01:28:45,186 --> 01:28:47,121 WITH ALL THE NEW OUTINGS GOING ON, 1989 01:28:47,155 --> 01:28:49,157 MY SEX LIFE -- OR LACK THEREOF -- 1990 01:28:49,190 --> 01:28:52,460 WAS ONCE AGAIN THE LEAST INTERESTING THING ABOUT ME. 1991 01:28:52,493 --> 01:28:56,030 I WASN'T AN ACCESSORY OR A SIDEKICK. 1992 01:28:56,064 --> 01:28:57,799 I WAS JUST ME. 1993 01:28:57,832 --> 01:28:59,834 AND I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN GAYER ABOUT IT. 1994 01:28:59,867 --> 01:29:02,070 AND I MEAN THAT IN THE OLD-TIMEY, HAPPY WAY, 1995 01:29:02,103 --> 01:29:03,871 NOT THE GAY WAY, BUT -- 1996 01:29:03,905 --> 01:29:06,574 YEAH, THAT, TOO. 1997 01:29:06,607 --> 01:29:08,843 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 1998 01:29:10,812 --> 01:29:17,518 ♪ I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU 1999 01:29:17,552 --> 01:29:19,554 [ HEVEN'S "GAY BEST FRIEND" PLAYS ] POP DANCE CRAP! 2000 01:29:19,587 --> 01:29:21,923 OH, SHUT UP. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE THAT CRAP. 2001 01:29:21,956 --> 01:29:23,691 OOH! 2002 01:29:23,725 --> 01:29:25,026 YOU HAVE A LADYBUG IN YOUR HAIR. 2003 01:29:25,059 --> 01:29:27,562 AHH! [ LAUGHTER ] 2004 01:29:27,595 --> 01:29:29,130 UH-OH. LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE WAKING BACK UP. 2005 01:29:29,163 --> 01:29:31,632 [ LAUGHS ] 2006 01:29:31,666 --> 01:29:32,867 YOU WANT TO HANG OUT? 2007 01:29:32,900 --> 01:29:34,135 YEAH. SHOULD I JUST...? 2008 01:29:34,168 --> 01:29:36,704 YEAH, JUST HAVE A SEAT. 2009 01:29:36,738 --> 01:29:40,541 MM. SITS WELL. [ CHUCKLES ] 2010 01:29:40,575 --> 01:29:44,479 SHE DI-- YOU -- YOU -- AH! OKAY, DO IT AGAIN. 2011 01:29:44,512 --> 01:29:48,916 YOU'RE NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR, ARE YOU? 2012 01:29:48,950 --> 01:29:50,785 I THINK THEY DO CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, THOUGH. 2013 01:29:50,818 --> 01:29:53,087 I MEAN, THAT'S THE NICE THING. 2014 01:29:53,121 --> 01:29:54,722 OH! 2015 01:29:54,756 --> 01:29:56,724 YEAH! 2016 01:29:56,758 --> 01:29:59,093 YOU COULD BE LIKE MY SISTER WIFE. [ GIGGLES ] 2017 01:29:59,127 --> 01:30:01,028 I LIKE JUST "GAY." HE'S GAY. 2018 01:30:01,062 --> 01:30:04,198 YO, BRO. OH. [ GASPS ] 2019 01:30:04,232 --> 01:30:06,834 NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF INVENTION, RIGHT? 2020 01:30:06,868 --> 01:30:08,703 LITTLE... [ LAUGHS ] 2021 01:30:08,736 --> 01:30:10,037 ...SPITTING. 2022 01:30:10,071 --> 01:30:12,907 ♪ HE'S A GUY, BUT HE ONLY LIKES BOYS ♪ 2023 01:30:12,940 --> 01:30:15,243 NOW GIVE ME BOOTY BUMP, BOOTY BUMP. 2024 01:30:15,276 --> 01:30:19,080 OH. OH, BOY, THAT'S FIRM. NOT SURPRISED. 2025 01:30:19,113 --> 01:30:20,982 [ PURRS ] [ GIGGLES ] 2026 01:30:21,015 --> 01:30:22,683 I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME. 2027 01:30:22,717 --> 01:30:25,853 I MISS YOU. [ SMOOCHES ] 2028 01:30:25,887 --> 01:30:28,256 YEAH. [ GASPING ] 2029 01:30:28,289 --> 01:30:30,992 THANK YOU. 2030 01:30:32,927 --> 01:30:35,530 [ Singsong voice ] DRAMA. 2031 01:30:35,563 --> 01:30:37,665 YOU CHECKING OUT MY BAL-- [ LAUGHS ] 2032 01:30:37,698 --> 01:30:39,867 I LIKE THE COLORS. 2033 01:30:39,901 --> 01:30:42,570 I REALLY THINK HIPSTER GOTH IS COMING BACK. 2034 01:30:42,603 --> 01:30:45,973 NO, IT'S NOT. LET'S GO. 2035 01:30:46,007 --> 01:30:50,077 I JUST BOUGHT THESE! 2036 01:30:50,111 --> 01:30:52,079 WHAT FLAVORS DID YOU MAKE? 2037 01:30:52,113 --> 01:30:53,815 CHERRY, OF COURSE. 2038 01:30:53,848 --> 01:30:55,516 MMM. BLACK OR BING? 2039 01:30:55,550 --> 01:30:57,084 [ LAUGHS ] 2040 01:30:57,118 --> 01:30:58,519 YOU KNOW I LIKE THE BLACK ONES. 2041 01:30:58,553 --> 01:30:59,687 [ LAUGHS ] 2042 01:30:59,720 --> 01:31:01,022 HE COULD BE BI. 2043 01:31:01,055 --> 01:31:03,825 [ BOTH LAUGH ] LINGUAL. 2044 01:31:03,858 --> 01:31:06,060 YEAH, BUT THEN WE'D HAVE A SPANISH-SPEAKING SON. 2045 01:31:06,093 --> 01:31:07,595 WHO THE HELL WANTS THAT? 2046 01:31:07,628 --> 01:31:09,230 BI IS CONFUSING. I DON'T GET IT. 2047 01:31:09,263 --> 01:31:12,233 I'M GLAD HE'S GAY. YO NO COMPRENDO BI. 2048 01:31:12,266 --> 01:31:13,768 YEAH. 2049 01:31:13,801 --> 01:31:14,869 HOW ABOUT A POP-TART? 2050 01:31:14,902 --> 01:31:16,037 DO YOU WANT A POP-TART? 2051 01:31:16,070 --> 01:31:17,672 YES, I WOULD LIKE A POP-TART. 2052 01:31:17,705 --> 01:31:19,707 I'M GONNA GET YOU A POP-TART. THANK YOU, LOVE. 2053 01:31:19,740 --> 01:31:21,642 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 2054 01:31:21,676 --> 01:31:23,511 ♪ TRADITIONAL PROM 2055 01:31:26,714 --> 01:31:28,115 IT'S ALWAYS MY DAY. 2056 01:31:28,149 --> 01:31:29,951 WAIT! WHOA! I WOULDN'T LIFT UP THAT HIGH. OKAY. 2057 01:31:29,984 --> 01:31:31,252 OH, MY BRITNEY. 2058 01:31:31,285 --> 01:31:33,721 IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL IT THESE DAYS? 2059 01:31:33,754 --> 01:31:36,057 MY SUNGLASSES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON. 2060 01:31:36,090 --> 01:31:40,161 TWEETS! PEOPLE ARE TWEET-- TWEETING. 2061 01:31:41,996 --> 01:31:44,065 OR HOW ABOUT AN ARCH "J"? 2062 01:31:44,098 --> 01:31:46,033 NOT "ARCH." AN ARCH "J"? 2063 01:31:46,067 --> 01:31:47,301 [ LAUGHTER ] 2064 01:31:47,335 --> 01:31:49,604 I DON'T KNOW -- WHAT'S AN ARCH "J"? 2065 01:31:49,637 --> 01:31:52,173 "...CAN THINK OF"-INCLUSIVE PROM, SO -- SORRY! 2066 01:31:52,206 --> 01:31:54,976 [ Laughing ] WITH THAT... 2067 01:31:55,009 --> 01:31:59,280 HE CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. HEATH IS FREAKING. 2068 01:31:59,313 --> 01:32:01,782 THAT'S SAD. 2069 01:32:01,816 --> 01:32:03,017 ♪ MY GAY BEST FRIEND 2070 01:32:03,050 --> 01:32:04,919 ARE YOU COMING BACK? 2071 01:32:04,952 --> 01:32:06,787 [ VEVA'S "H.E.R." PLAYS ] 2072 01:32:06,821 --> 01:32:08,756 ♪ H 2073 01:32:08,789 --> 01:32:10,625 ♪ E 2074 01:32:10,658 --> 01:32:12,894 ♪ R 2075 01:32:12,927 --> 01:32:15,329 ♪ OH, I'M SUCH A LADY 2076 01:32:15,363 --> 01:32:17,899 ♪ BUT NOW I WANNA GET FREAKY 2077 01:32:17,932 --> 01:32:20,935 ♪ I'M FEELING NAUGHTY, AM I CRAZY? ♪ 2078 01:32:20,968 --> 01:32:23,638 ♪ OH, I JUST WANT TO BE BAD 2079 01:32:23,671 --> 01:32:25,339 ♪ PASS ME MY GLASS 2080 01:32:25,373 --> 01:32:27,775 ♪ THE FANGS ARE OUT TONIGHT 2081 01:32:27,808 --> 01:32:28,709 ♪ WHO AM I GONNA BITE? 2082 01:32:28,743 --> 01:32:30,678 ♪ "H" -- MY HIPS 2083 01:32:30,711 --> 01:32:32,747 ♪ "E" -- EMOTION 2084 01:32:32,780 --> 01:32:34,749 ♪ "R" -- THE RHYTHM 2085 01:32:34,782 --> 01:32:36,717 ♪ ALL THE PARTS OF HER 2086 01:32:36,751 --> 01:32:38,686 ♪ "H" -- MY HIPS 2087 01:32:38,719 --> 01:32:40,788 ♪ "E" -- EMOTION 2088 01:32:40,821 --> 01:32:42,723 ♪ "R" -- THE RHYTHM 2089 01:32:42,757 --> 01:32:44,825 ♪ ALL THE PARTS OF HER145658

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