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Ladies and gentlemen, it's Cooper!
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00:00:15,660 --> 00:00:17,740
Just like that!
3
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:11,470
The polls are not long enough, I'm
sorry.
4
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What a lovely audience.
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As I do the full act tonight, I won't
cut anything.
6
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Ooh, my teeth itch.
7
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I went to the dentist, he said, my teeth
are all right, but my gum's got to come
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out.
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And I was sitting inside, waiting to see
the dentist, and I'm reading the
10
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,440
magazines like you do, and...
11
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Wasn't awful about that Titanic
12
00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:16,630
Please
13
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You may say to yourself, why does he
keep walking about?
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And I'll tell you the reason why,
because... What?
15
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What was that?
16
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Yes.
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She said something, I don't know why.
18
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So I went to this doctor, I said, it
hurts me if I do that. He said, well,
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do it.
20
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:19,860
And I said, I said, you've got to listen
to this.
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I said, I keep dreaming of these
beautiful girls keep coming towards me,
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pushing them away.
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They keep coming towards me, I keep
pushing them away.
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00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:31,220
He said, what do you want me to do? I
said, break my arm.
25
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Look at that.
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00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:44,230
That'll take a lot of folly when I tell
you that.
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It'll take a lot of folly when I tell
you.
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What?
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Yeah, I know.
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Is he all right?
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Oh, good.
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I've got my dog in the dressing room.
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He's a one -man dog. Only bites me.
34
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He took a big lump out of my knee once.
A friend of mine said, did you put
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anything on it? I said, no, he left it
as it was.
36
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My next door neighbour said to me,
you've got to get rid of that dog. I
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why?
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I didn't shout too much, I said.
39
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I said, why?
40
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He said, well, he keeps chasing people
on a bicycle.
41
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:35,400
I said, well, I'll take his bike away.
42
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It makes me laugh.
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It makes me laugh.
44
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And I've done it for about 30 years.
45
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He's not the Irishman.
46
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He's an old Irishman, isn't he?
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He had a ship, a cargo ship, full of yo
-yos.
48
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And I hit this rock, and it sank 44
times.
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Ladies and gentlemen, once again, the
Sisters of the Rock.
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Chant Chant
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Chant
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Chant
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Chant
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Chant
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Every time I hear Chantant, chantant
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An accumulator.
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Ten pence.
58
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And it won thousands and thousands of
pounds.
59
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:20,020
And he went to his bookmaker, and his
bookmaker said, I'm not a very big
60
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bookmaker.
61
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:28,260
He said, I'm not one of the top line
bookmakers.
62
00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:32,400
Hello, Eddie. I didn't know you were in.
63
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Didn't know you were in without the
ticket.
64
00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:40,980
Oh, good.
65
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:43,560
What was I talking about?
66
00:11:52,140 --> 00:11:53,560
So, this scorpion...
67
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:04,850
So this Irishman backed ten pence.
68
00:12:06,310 --> 00:12:08,450
I forgot the bling joke.
69
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What?
70
00:12:14,370 --> 00:12:15,370
Accumulator, yeah.
71
00:12:18,990 --> 00:12:23,150
And he backed his horse for ten pence as
accumulator.
72
00:12:23,770 --> 00:12:24,770
Right?
73
00:12:25,150 --> 00:12:28,430
And he went to his bookmaker and his
bookmaker said,
74
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I'm not a very big bookmaker.
75
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:34,840
I've done that, haven't I?
76
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:37,560
I thought I heard it.
77
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,480
He said, I told you what I've got to do.
78
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:47,580
He said, I'll pay you £1 ,000 this week,
£1 ,000 next week, and we'll go on like
79
00:12:47,580 --> 00:12:48,580
that.
80
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:51,440
And his eyes went, no, he said, I'm
going to stand for that.
81
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:53,640
He said, give me my ten pence back.
82
00:13:05,390 --> 00:13:08,530
And now, ladies and gentlemen, my guest
star this week
83
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:13,830
has
84
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:20,490
got her feet firmly planted on the
ladder
85
00:13:20,490 --> 00:13:22,570
of success.
86
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,290
And apart from that,
87
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:41,500
She's my next -door neighbor ladies and
gentlemen Sheila Burnett
88
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:54,720
The
89
00:13:54,720 --> 00:14:01,600
moment I saw him smile I knew he was
90
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,380
just my style
91
00:14:20,380 --> 00:14:27,320
How can I ignore the boy next door?
92
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,620
I love him more than I can say.
93
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:38,320
Doesn't try to please me, doesn't even
tease me.
94
00:14:39,340 --> 00:14:43,100
And he never sees me glance his way.
95
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:49,940
And though I'm a hot sore, the boy next
door, affection
96
00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:52,240
for me won't display.
97
00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:55,760
I just adore him.
98
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:48,940
Do you know I've got a splitting
headache?
99
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:52,660
I'll be honest.
100
00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:54,740
It's just like an arrow in my head.
101
00:16:56,460 --> 00:16:57,520
You thought it was real, didn't you?
102
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:06,760
I did the wrong.
103
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,100
What? Two watches? No, I've got millions
of them. Look at that.
104
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,080
That's better, isn't it?
105
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:41,980
these cards from the tan into their top
hat.
106
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,500
Missed.
107
00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:04,740
Missed.
108
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:06,680
If I miss again,
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00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,510
I said, shoot my toe.
110
00:19:14,230 --> 00:19:15,230
Fist.
111
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:25,450
I know, ladies and gentlemen, a trick I
want to show you now, which you've seen
112
00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:26,450
many, many times.
113
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:28,410
I've sawn a lady in half.
114
00:19:29,470 --> 00:19:31,310
But I'm going to saw myself in half.
115
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,250
Tonight.
116
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,020
For the very first time.
117
00:19:42,540 --> 00:19:45,080
Not that way, but down.
118
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:49,920
Down.
119
00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:10,290
I should get inside the cabinet.
120
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:16,090
I should go inside and saw myself down
from top to bottom.
121
00:20:17,470 --> 00:20:19,130
Which has never been done before.
122
00:20:21,650 --> 00:20:22,650
Ever.
123
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:40,880
He hasn't said it yet.
124
00:20:43,020 --> 00:20:44,020
Inside.
125
00:20:45,420 --> 00:20:47,200
I shall go inside this cabinet.
126
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,360
I'm coming in now.
127
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:01,800
I'm inside.
128
00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:34,770
Thank you.
129
00:22:07,630 --> 00:22:08,930
I tell you what I'd like to do now for
me.
130
00:22:10,390 --> 00:22:12,230
We're going to do little songs.
131
00:22:14,810 --> 00:22:15,810
Old and new.
132
00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:18,190
And old and new.
133
00:22:38,670 --> 00:22:39,670
in the spring.
134
00:22:43,450 --> 00:22:44,450
It's only spring.
135
00:22:49,770 --> 00:22:54,490
We'd like to sing for you now for me
some old songs and new songs.
136
00:22:57,930 --> 00:23:01,950
And old songs and new songs.
137
00:23:05,580 --> 00:23:08,380
And after that, we may sing some new
songs and old songs.
138
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,840
But at the moment, we'll sing some old
songs and new songs.
139
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,080
Thank you, Bob.
9724
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