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Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Tommy
Cooper Hour!
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Among his guests tonight are Cool
Breeze!
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And Nina Martell!
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And now...
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in person, the punster in the fez, that
gaga giant from Chiswick, Tommy Cooper!
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Thank you.
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That's right.
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Thank you.
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I'd all like to show you now a
photograph of that wonderful
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Houdini.
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He's gone away again.
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Tommy Cooper!
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Fuck off.
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Can't fall down. Got my finger there?
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The very famous Indian rope trick.
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00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:19,680
You may have seen this trick because
I'll tell you what happens.
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and throws it into the air, and it
stands up on its own, and a boy climbs
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I will now make that jump from there
down to there.
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From there down to there. It's a whole,
whole horror.
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Famous Indian rope trick.
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eat no feet.
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His wife could eat no lean.
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So between the both, you see, they died
of starvation.
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00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,730
So I met this man at the airport.
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00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:53,210
And he said to me, would you like to
share a taxi with me? I said, yes.
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00:05:53,950 --> 00:05:55,390
He said, well, you take the wheels, I'll
take the engine.
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00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:03,480
I'm so fed up with this.
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We, Willy Winkle, run through the town,
upstairs and downstairs,
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in his nightgown.
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And you think I'm nuts.
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00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:31,760
What's next?
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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
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Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
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All the king's horses and all the king's
men said, I want to hell with it.
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00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,190
The vanishing bouquet of flowers.
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It's not my fault, though, right?
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It was all right for a long time.
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All right, Tom, that's it.
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Now it's time for Cool Breeze.
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You're certainly right.
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Don't mistake me so literally. I'm only
trying to introduce your first guest,
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the group Cool Breeze. Oh, yes, with hot
music.
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You close your eyes.
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I heard you sigh.
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Do it some more. Do it some more. Do it
some more.
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The story begins with an actress
rehearsing her life.
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And a word is saying.
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Water. Well, get your own water, lovey.
I haven't got time.
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Harry, do you think we can go through
that stagging scene before we leave?
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We've got to leave to the studio in a
couple of minutes.
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I know. We're going to be late, aren't
we?
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Take it from Dr.
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Frankenstein, OK? Right. Right. Now,
you're there, aren't you? Mm -hmm.
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The perfect one.
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What do you mean?
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I'm going to marry her to my second
generation.
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Young and strong like your own. Oh, no!
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Oh, no, leave me alone!
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Leave me alone! Please!
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Will you chill?
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Oh, I beg you, please!
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Please! I'm sorry, my dear.
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Don't die.
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The window cleaner. He wanted a bucket
of water a minute ago. Seems to have got
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one. Look,
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we'd better hurry.
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Yes, we're going to be late. Bring a
script.
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Oh, yes.
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You know what Damida said to me in the
canteen yesterday?
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Tell me. Look, she was out with this
tour, and yes, we have no pyjamas.
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And the leading man, apparently.
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He's hidden the body.
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But look, he's left a handbag. There may
be a clue in there. We'll have a look.
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I will.
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I saw you drop that. You stay where you
are. You're under arrest. What do you
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think?
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What do you think you're doing? I'll get
you for this. What are you talking
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about? I saw him strangle it. I saw it.
I saw it.
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I saw him strangle a lady. Do you know
that? In a flat. I was looking through
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the window. I saw him strangle a lady.
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He could have let that run the through.
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Keep your hands to yourself.
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Well, it wasn't me. It was him.
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I saw him. He's a murderer.
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If it's a fight you're looking for, I'll
take you on any time you like.
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Television London.
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That's a clue, isn't it?
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Give me some.
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You've got your stick through my hand.
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Don't worry about that.
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Thank you.
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And this man got this woman around the
throat and started strangling her.
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Just got around her throat like that.
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Yes, can I help you?
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Yes.
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Do you know him? Does he work here? Yes,
Studio C.
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You go straight down there, turn right,
turn left, and then straight on, turn
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left, turn right. Straight on there?
Yes.
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Turn there, turn there, and straight on,
and turn there, and turn there.
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Straight on, turn right, turn... Left,
straight on, left, right, right. I've
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it. I've got it.
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Harry's just told me we've got to keep
our eyes out for a tall idiot with a
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handbag. He's a robber.
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Let me see a mixed one.
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Beautiful.
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Oh, lovely, isn't that? It all went
well, didn't it?
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Okay, ready?
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Why me?
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Why me?
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I've tried.
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I've cleared all this up. I've got all
my buttons and everything's going wrong.
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And I know who's to blame.
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Let's go.
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What did you say?
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This is a tape.
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What do you mean?
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I need a new heart for my second
creation.
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Young and strong.
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to your bridegroom, my dear.
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Come on.
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Where?
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Behold.
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It's in a beauty.
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This calls for a little celebration.
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Pour the drinks.
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Where are the drinks? On the table.
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On the table.
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On the wall.
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Where's the wall?
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Well, I can't see, can I? Oh,
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you're right.
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Aha!
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Murderer!
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That's right, you're a murderer!
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Strangler!
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Strangler!
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I saw him strangle the girl. Girl? What
girl? Girl? What girl? You.
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Me? What are you doing standing up? What
are you doing?
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that whenever we meet with a fellow
citizen in distress or see a wrong that
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should be righted, let us all, one and
all, mind our own business.
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Pardon me, thou fleeting piece of earth,
but I am meek and gentle with these
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witches.
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Thou art the ruin to the noblest man.
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I've spent three months in jail over
you.
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I know. You're cleaning the windows,
aren't you?
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No.
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Push off.
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I am the Grand Gentleman.
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I know, ladies and gentlemen, there's a
young lady that can appear on this show
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any time she likes.
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The more time she comes on, the better
chance he has of remembering her name.
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Ladies and gentlemen, Lena Horne. Lena
Martell.
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Oh, Martell. I love that. Especially
with ice and soda. I love that.
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Ladies and gentlemen, no ice, but lots
of fizz. Lena Martell.
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Till the Lord comes to call me awake.
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Well, the morning is bright.
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And the lamb is the light.
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And the night is as fair as day.
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There'll be peace in the valley.
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flowers will be blooming in the grass
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there will ever be.
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In the valley.
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And now, welcome once again to another
pretty grotesque chapter in the Tommy
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Cooper story.
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And this time, we're dealing with Tom's
school days.
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Now, what was life like at Chizzy
Grammar, Tom?
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Well, it was the happiest time of my
life. Ah. Any particular reason?
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Yeah, it was a girl's school.
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I should have known that. Ah, of course.
Lovely.
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Now, did you have any particular
ambition at school? I mean, was there
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you wanted to grow up into? Yes, I
wanted to be an actor.
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An actor? Yes, I mean, because I look a
little bit like Gregory Peck.
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A little bit like who?
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Well, I mean, I'm a spit image of
Gregory Peck.
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Well, your image does make me spit from
time to time. I must admit that, yes.
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I mean, do you know, only this morning I
looked in the mirror and I saw Gregory
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Peck. Oh, Tom, how can that possibly be?
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Well, I... His photograph was stuck on
the mirror.
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You know, Tom, you're really a bit vain,
aren't you? I mean, I notice you always
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seem to laugh at your own jokes.
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No, I wasn't laughing at my joke.
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I was laughing at yours, about the
spitting image. That's funny. I like
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I think you like that, Tom. It really is
funny.
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What do you think of it? Did you learn
anything at school?
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Did I learn anything at school? Yes.
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00:40:31,710 --> 00:40:34,710
Well, I always say that the sun shines
on the lower side of the hill.
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Oh, I think that's totally... I mean,
that's...
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What does that mean exactly?
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I don't know, but I always say it. I
don't know.
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You see, my father was a great
philosopher.
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Oh, yes.
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And he said to me, it doesn't matter if
you let love slip through your fingers
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or any money slip through your fingers,
but when your fingers slip through your
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fingers, you're in trouble.
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00:41:01,090 --> 00:41:02,350
It's semi -jolly, that, isn't it?
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You know, I think you're trying to tell
me, Tom, that you don't believe in
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00:41:06,390 --> 00:41:07,390
education.
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00:41:07,470 --> 00:41:10,290
Well, I wouldn't say... Well, not
really. I mean, I knew a teacher once
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00:41:10,290 --> 00:41:15,210
given this religious instruction. Oh,
yeah. And this teacher said to this boy,
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00:41:15,350 --> 00:41:17,270
who knocked down the walls at Jericho?
201
00:41:18,330 --> 00:41:19,710
And he said, I didn't do it.
202
00:41:24,970 --> 00:41:27,490
And he said, if I knew who did it, I
wouldn't tell you.
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00:41:29,810 --> 00:41:31,430
That's what he said. He said, I wouldn't
cross on anybody.
204
00:41:33,270 --> 00:41:34,630
So this teacher was having lunch.
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00:41:35,150 --> 00:41:39,050
No. And he said to this other teacher,
he said, what a funny school this is. He
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00:41:39,050 --> 00:41:40,050
said, my first day here.
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00:41:41,010 --> 00:41:44,330
He said, I asked this boy who knocked
down the walls of Jericho and he said he
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00:41:44,330 --> 00:41:45,330
didn't do it.
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00:41:46,750 --> 00:41:49,570
And he said, if he knew he did it, he
wouldn't tell me because he wouldn't
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on anybody.
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00:41:51,290 --> 00:41:55,570
So this teacher said, wasn't he a little
fair -haired boy with freckles? He
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00:41:55,570 --> 00:41:56,570
said, yes.
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He said, well, if he said he didn't do
it, he didn't do it.
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00:42:12,660 --> 00:42:19,100
teacher the same teacher he went along
to the educational board to see the
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00:42:19,100 --> 00:42:23,680
officer there and he said to him he said
do you know it's a funny school he said
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00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:29,060
i'm at he said i said to this boy who
knocked on the water jericho and he said
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00:42:29,060 --> 00:42:36,020
laughing i know
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00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:37,020
what's coming next
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00:42:40,110 --> 00:42:42,630
And he said, who knocked the door to
Jericho? He said it twice.
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And he said, I didn't do it.
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And he said, if I knew who did it, I
wouldn't trust anybody.
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00:42:49,570 --> 00:42:50,570
See?
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00:42:50,970 --> 00:42:56,450
So, I was speaking to this other
teacher, and this other teacher said,
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00:42:56,450 --> 00:42:57,450
told this other teacher.
225
00:42:59,010 --> 00:43:01,030
I said, I don't know what I'm talking
about now.
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00:43:04,150 --> 00:43:07,950
I said to this teacher, to this other
teacher,
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I would talk to this boy, I said.
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00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,060
Who knocked on the walls of Jericho?
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See, and he said he didn't do it.
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00:43:18,540 --> 00:43:22,440
He said, and if he did, he didn't know,
he wouldn't tell anybody.
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Because he wouldn't tell anybody.
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And this Jesus said, what did the fair
man tell you?
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00:43:32,620 --> 00:43:34,580
And he said, yes.
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00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:36,580
He said, what if he didn't do it?
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00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,550
He said, I believe he didn't do it.
236
00:43:40,830 --> 00:43:43,410
Sir, this education officer now thinks
it's disgusting.
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00:43:45,430 --> 00:43:48,170
He said, well, don't worry about it. He
said, I'll set a bricklayer on tomorrow
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00:43:48,170 --> 00:43:49,170
morning.
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00:43:55,850 --> 00:43:56,850
Gosh,
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00:44:01,810 --> 00:44:03,030
I think that's awful, Tom.
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I mean, did they ever find out...
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Isn't that amazing?
243
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Ah! Oh,
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00:44:32,150 --> 00:44:35,270
I've been working on that for years.
I've got quite a repertoire of tricks
245
00:44:35,350 --> 00:44:36,350
You do?
246
00:44:36,370 --> 00:44:39,250
Would you like me to do another one for
you? Yes.
247
00:44:39,690 --> 00:44:43,970
Well, I could saw you in halves into two
bits, but maybe one bit's enough.
248
00:44:44,610 --> 00:44:46,210
Do you know the shirt trick?
249
00:44:47,050 --> 00:44:48,050
Not offhand.
250
00:44:48,130 --> 00:44:49,130
Not offhand?
251
00:44:49,690 --> 00:44:52,110
Well, how would it be if I tried the
shirt trick on you?
252
00:44:52,490 --> 00:44:53,448
Why not?
253
00:44:53,450 --> 00:44:54,450
All right.
254
00:44:54,490 --> 00:44:55,490
I will try.
255
00:44:56,250 --> 00:45:02,950
Now, we've got to... We've got to undo a
few... He's very
256
00:45:02,950 --> 00:45:03,950
suave, isn't he?
257
00:45:04,570 --> 00:45:08,030
Not for long, unless I can get these
buttons undone. No, just... There we
258
00:45:08,210 --> 00:45:09,169
What are you trembling for?
259
00:45:09,170 --> 00:45:10,170
Trembling?
260
00:45:10,550 --> 00:45:11,810
What are you sweating for?
261
00:45:14,110 --> 00:45:15,029
Tie off?
262
00:45:15,030 --> 00:45:15,908
Of course.
263
00:45:15,910 --> 00:45:16,910
Okay. Yes.
264
00:45:17,010 --> 00:45:18,010
There you are.
265
00:45:18,030 --> 00:45:19,690
Couple of buttons undone. Oh, yes.
266
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:26,440
What are you doing? Trying to hypnotize
me?
267
00:45:27,620 --> 00:45:32,100
There we are, I think.
268
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:33,840
Oh, my goodness, we're not.
269
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:35,840
One more.
270
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,600
The suspense is killing me.
271
00:45:37,820 --> 00:45:39,580
Are you watching this, ladies and
gentlemen?
272
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:40,800
Drum roll!
273
00:45:42,420 --> 00:45:43,379
Wait a minute.
274
00:45:43,380 --> 00:45:44,380
Make it an egg roll.
275
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:46,600
Are you right?
276
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:47,820
Ladies and gentlemen!
277
00:46:04,590 --> 00:46:05,509
do the shirt trick.
278
00:46:05,510 --> 00:46:06,510
Are you prepared to do it?
279
00:46:06,770 --> 00:46:08,870
Well, as a matter of fact, I've done it
a long, long time ago. No, no.
280
00:46:09,070 --> 00:46:10,070
Do you want to do it?
281
00:46:10,110 --> 00:46:12,010
Come on. I want you to do it. They want
to do it.
282
00:46:12,250 --> 00:46:13,630
Ladies and gentlemen, do you want to do
it?
283
00:46:16,090 --> 00:46:17,090
No, you don't.
284
00:46:17,990 --> 00:46:21,250
Your fans demand that you do the shirt
trick. You don't want to see me do it,
285
00:46:21,250 --> 00:46:22,250
you? Yes, you do.
286
00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:51,140
Henry Cooper. Henry Cooper. It's Gladys'
boy.
287
00:46:54,220 --> 00:46:57,420
Now, Tommy, you've got the chap here.
Can I lead you to it?
288
00:46:57,900 --> 00:47:01,180
To do the shirt trick? Yes, all right.
Ladies and gentlemen, that popular duo,
289
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:04,960
Tommy Cooper and Henry Cooper, the ex
-heavyweight champion...
290
00:47:33,220 --> 00:47:37,120
I know your face.
291
00:47:38,580 --> 00:47:40,200
I mean,
292
00:47:41,420 --> 00:47:42,860
I come from a long line of boxers.
293
00:47:43,100 --> 00:47:45,720
Except my father is a Cocker Spaniel.
294
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,880
Do you know, I was in the ring once with
Cassius Clay.
295
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,100
Go on. No, really, all my life. I was,
yes.
296
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:57,480
And I got him worried.
297
00:47:58,400 --> 00:47:59,218
I did.
298
00:47:59,220 --> 00:48:00,220
He thought he killed me.
299
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:09,560
And I was like that.
300
00:48:13,580 --> 00:48:19,360
I'm going to do that.
301
00:48:19,780 --> 00:48:23,420
I'm going to do the... You don't know
what it is, do you? I don't. Well, I'll
302
00:48:23,420 --> 00:48:23,939
show you.
303
00:48:23,940 --> 00:48:26,520
Well, could you just be so kind and do
your buttons there? Look.
304
00:48:26,740 --> 00:48:27,740
I'll do that.
305
00:48:27,820 --> 00:48:29,980
Because you're not trim, are you? No,
I'm not trim. I won't.
306
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:33,319
Yes, that's right.
307
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:34,320
Have you done both?
308
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:35,820
Yeah. Right, I'll just take your tie.
309
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:37,870
Yeah. It's a good tie, isn't it? Oh,
it's very nice.
310
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:41,430
Shall I do it, mate? Yeah, it's all
right, then.
311
00:48:42,870 --> 00:48:43,870
Thank you.
312
00:48:54,330 --> 00:48:57,610
Undo the buttons, will you? Undo the
buttons. Yes, that's all right.
313
00:49:06,390 --> 00:49:07,470
There's a ripple coming up, Roy.
314
00:49:10,950 --> 00:49:11,950
Right. Right.
315
00:49:12,190 --> 00:49:17,150
Now, I'm going to do... You saw, I'm
going to do exactly what you just see.
316
00:49:17,290 --> 00:49:19,090
Yeah, yeah. I'm going to take your shirt
off.
317
00:49:19,350 --> 00:49:22,550
It's an handmade shirt. Yes, I'm going
to take it off without taking the coat
318
00:49:22,550 --> 00:49:23,269
off. OK.
319
00:49:23,270 --> 00:49:25,270
Right? Yeah. I haven't done this for a
long time.
320
00:50:31,660 --> 00:50:32,660
. .
24632
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