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1
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Good morning.
2
00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:17,750
Be brisk.
3
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:21,290
How did I ever do this?
4
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,410
Next time I read a small print.
5
00:02:37,850 --> 00:02:39,010
Thank you very much. Thank you.
6
00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:40,650
Thank you.
7
00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,850
Ah, walkies, walkies.
8
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:55,460
Sit. Stop that, stop that.
9
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,000
Stop that, stop that.
10
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,840
Is he all right? Oh, good.
11
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I've got my dog in the dressing room.
He's a one -man dog. Oh, he bites me.
12
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:15,070
Have I got time for more?
13
00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:25,430
I'll say to him, attack, and he has one.
14
00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,270
Stop that, stop that, stop that.
15
00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:33,790
Go on, sit, sit on it, sit on it.
16
00:03:35,190 --> 00:03:38,950
He took a big lump with one knee once,
and a friend of mine said, did you put
17
00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:40,470
anything on it? I said, no, he liked it
as it was.
18
00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:48,230
Dear, oh dear.
19
00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:53,070
My next door neighbour said to me, he
said, you've got to get rid of that dog.
20
00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:53,489
said, why?
21
00:03:53,490 --> 00:03:54,930
He said, he keeps chasing people on a
bicycle.
22
00:03:55,510 --> 00:03:56,570
I said, well, take his bike away.
23
00:04:11,810 --> 00:04:12,810
Light bulb!
24
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:14,970
Heavy bulb.
25
00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:29,870
I picked up. I don't know who dropped
it.
26
00:04:35,910 --> 00:04:37,230
Blue there, white spots.
27
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,630
White there were blue spots.
28
00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:43,050
Inside here, we have a blue handkerchief
dyed white.
29
00:04:48,350 --> 00:04:49,770
And a white handkerchief dyed blue.
30
00:04:51,610 --> 00:04:55,470
And inside here, there's just a brown
empty bag.
31
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,310
So now the spots are inside.
32
00:04:58,950 --> 00:04:59,990
Now, what I'm going to do is this.
33
00:05:03,830 --> 00:05:05,470
I put the both handkerchiefs out there
like that.
34
00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:08,430
Zuzo aloha.
35
00:05:17,790 --> 00:05:18,890
Zuzo aloha.
36
00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:23,010
Now, here's the blue handkerchief, which
is now white.
37
00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:41,110
inside the bag again.
38
00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:50,030
And now I shall make some spots come on
each handkerchief. Spots on each
39
00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:51,030
handkerchief.
40
00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:53,490
I
41
00:05:53,490 --> 00:06:03,670
don't
42
00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:04,670
know what it means.
43
00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:07,170
I thought I'd turn aside these ones.
44
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,490
My handkerchief were white spots.
45
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,350
And here's the blue handkerchief with
blue spots.
46
00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:28,570
You don't believe me, do you?
47
00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:31,730
All right, I'll tell you what I'd do.
I'd put them in there again like that.
48
00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:38,130
Now, here's the blue handkerchief.
49
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:48,690
somebody else come on.
50
00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,710
It's the blue magazine for white spots.
51
00:06:55,690 --> 00:06:56,690
Thank you.
52
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,350
Well,
53
00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:04,910
a lovely audience.
54
00:07:05,330 --> 00:07:07,350
I won't cut anything at all.
55
00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:13,610
And here's the white...
56
00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:22,770
There's a spot missing.
57
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:26,730
There is a spot missing. Come on, spot.
58
00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:28,390
Spot.
59
00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:29,750
Come on, spot. Where are you, spot?
60
00:07:30,190 --> 00:07:31,190
There he is. Hello.
61
00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:40,970
Here we go.
62
00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:45,690
Last week, I went to a travel agency to
see about my holidays.
63
00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:47,950
And there was a big poster of Mallorca.
64
00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,550
So I thought, I want to go there. So he
pinned me to the wall.
65
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,640
I went by jumbo jet.
66
00:07:58,920 --> 00:07:59,920
The pilot was an elephant.
67
00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:05,100
And I always sit in the tail end of a
plane, always.
68
00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:08,080
Because you never hear a plane backing
into a mountain.
69
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:21,840
And when I got to the hotel in Mallorca,
they
70
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,960
gave me the red carpet treatment.
71
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,560
They did. I thought it was very nice of
them.
72
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,440
And they said, the beds are not ready,
so you've got to sleep on the red
73
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:34,039
And I got to the room, and there was no
ceiling to the room. So I rang out to
74
00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:35,659
the manager. I said, there's no ceiling
to my room.
75
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,940
He said, that's all right. He said, the
man up over here doesn't walk about
76
00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:38,940
much.
77
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:54,000
And when I got back, when I got back...
I'm bleating. And when I got
78
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,000
back...
79
00:08:56,750 --> 00:09:00,130
When I got back from the holiday, I
parked the car in the drive, took the
80
00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:03,130
luggage out of the back seat, and helped
my wife down from the roof rack.
81
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,710
And there was 2 ,000 milk bowls on the
doorstep.
82
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:14,610
And I said to the milkman, I said, I've
been away on a holiday.
83
00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:19,190
He said, thank goodness for that. He
said, I was beginning to think you
84
00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:20,190
like the stuff.
85
00:09:28,590 --> 00:09:31,650
Because my wife, she always leaves her
taps running when we go away.
86
00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:34,230
Because she's got a theory that it
drowns burglars.
87
00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:40,190
And the cellar was about seven foot high
of water. Seven foot.
88
00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:42,790
I was so surprised I nearly fell off her
shoulders.
89
00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:51,590
And it started to rise. The first floor,
second floor, third floor.
90
00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:53,870
Which I couldn't understand. We live in
a bungalow.
91
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:04,900
There's a little trick I'd like to show
you now.
92
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:09,000
From an empty top hat here like this, I
can produce an elephant.
93
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:14,700
Just cover it there like that.
94
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,620
Now, you must admit, it's taken a lot of
magic to do this.
95
00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:21,580
Anyway, this one is a little bit small
to do this trick.
96
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,500
So, a larger one there, please.
97
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,960
to do i'll tell you what i'm going to do
i'm going to tap this top act three
98
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:00,960
times lightly
99
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:05,380
I'll wait from you. No words can tell us
that it makes me kiss you.
100
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,080
See and dance.
101
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,660
Do it over again.
102
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,560
Watch for the man.
103
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:15,600
I'll never fail.
104
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,820
If you don't get a letter, then you
know.
105
00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:25,199
Yeah,
106
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,760
watch for the mail.
107
00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,700
I never bail.
108
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,880
If you don't get a letter, then you know
I'm in jail.
109
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,920
Tootsie, tootsie, don't cry.
110
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,400
Tootsie, tootsie, goodbye.
111
00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:07,990
Okay.
112
00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:08,370
I left my heart in
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00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:10,910
San Francisco.
114
00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:19,390
Thank you.
115
00:19:28,170 --> 00:19:30,990
Splendid, my man. Thank you.
116
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,680
Right, changing rooms at the location,
you know. You didn't have to travel in
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00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,680
costume.
118
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:47,340
Young lady, I like to work my way into
the roles I portray.
119
00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:50,340
Here. I knew that actor.
120
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,140
Let me see now. What's his name?
121
00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:53,620
Maswell Beamish.
122
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,340
No, no, no, that's not it.
123
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:56,800
Anyway, never mind.
124
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,220
Hey, I saw you on the telly the other
night. Really?
125
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,060
In one of them old films. Yeah.
126
00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:03,620
God, it was awful.
127
00:20:08,010 --> 00:20:09,830
Studio car waiting for you at the other
end.
128
00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:11,370
Have a lovely trip.
129
00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:12,789
Must that.
130
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:13,790
Thank you, my dear.
131
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,550
Oh, I just made it.
132
00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:21,290
I thought I was going to miss it.
133
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,100
her face? Ah, no.
134
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,200
So?
135
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,680
That is the face of it.
136
00:21:48,460 --> 00:21:49,740
Do you take anything for it?
137
00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:54,100
I know who you are.
138
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,200
Really? I suppose you want my autograph.
139
00:21:57,540 --> 00:21:58,540
Certainly not.
140
00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:07,020
I thought you were dead.
141
00:22:10,350 --> 00:22:11,510
resting for a little while.
142
00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:13,430
South America?
143
00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:19,310
Well, if you must know, for some years I
was a bingo caller at Cleethorpes.
144
00:22:22,450 --> 00:22:23,450
Somebody's got to go there.
145
00:22:26,850 --> 00:22:28,290
So that's where you've been hiding, is
it?
146
00:22:28,510 --> 00:22:29,510
You know, it's incredible.
147
00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:30,690
You don't look over 80.
148
00:22:31,290 --> 00:22:32,290
Thank you.
149
00:22:33,470 --> 00:22:36,870
You've had your hair done, haven't you?
It's been dyed, hasn't it? Well, it's
150
00:22:36,870 --> 00:22:38,430
the little tint, you know, to hide the
grey.
151
00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:44,059
It's lifted, right?
152
00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:46,620
Well, is that... Sir, must we pursue
this conversation?
153
00:22:46,980 --> 00:22:47,980
Sorry, sorry.
154
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,480
That's Randy Ethel.
155
00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:58,640
Who?
156
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,040
Randy Ethel.
157
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,420
I heard you the first time. All right.
158
00:23:03,260 --> 00:23:05,500
In 1940, you fronted the life out of
her.
159
00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,090
Are you some sort of newspaper critic?
160
00:23:32,890 --> 00:23:33,890
Yes, gentlemen.
161
00:23:36,830 --> 00:23:39,250
In fact, maybe Peter Swines doesn't know
who it is.
162
00:23:39,470 --> 00:23:40,470
Yeah, of course I do.
163
00:23:40,570 --> 00:23:42,130
And I mean, he's not that bad an actor.
164
00:23:42,450 --> 00:23:43,530
No, I think he's not.
165
00:23:44,610 --> 00:23:45,610
What,
166
00:23:46,510 --> 00:23:49,750
actor? Mudswell Beamish. Look, I'm sorry
about this, sir. I'll go in the game
167
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:50,750
club. Yes, sir.
168
00:23:51,850 --> 00:23:52,849
Is it true?
169
00:23:52,850 --> 00:23:53,850
Yes.
170
00:23:53,950 --> 00:23:55,670
Could I have your order back, Mr
Beamish? Get away!
171
00:24:13,070 --> 00:24:14,590
is an actor, Muswell Beamish.
172
00:24:17,810 --> 00:24:18,910
Muswell Beamish?
173
00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:21,110
Absolute terrible actor.
174
00:24:21,310 --> 00:24:22,310
Should be shot.
175
00:24:25,290 --> 00:24:27,470
You never know who you're going to meet
on the train these days, do you?
176
00:24:34,730 --> 00:24:41,390
And now, I'd like to introduce the
winner of the 1973 Eurovision Song
177
00:24:41,390 --> 00:24:42,390
Contest.
178
00:24:42,670 --> 00:24:46,090
And in her honor, I shall make the
introduction in French.
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00:24:51,130 --> 00:24:51,830
Ladies
180
00:24:51,830 --> 00:24:59,750
and
181
00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,530
gentlemen, Anne -Marie David.
182
00:25:09,950 --> 00:25:11,150
What now?
183
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:13,520
Love!
184
00:28:21,390 --> 00:28:26,210
Silver Patrol, a group of teen young boy
scouts, off for a day in the country to
185
00:28:26,210 --> 00:28:27,210
learn woodcraft.
186
00:28:27,270 --> 00:28:30,570
Led by their dedicated, enthusiastic
scout master.
187
00:28:39,570 --> 00:28:43,850
They'll follow him anywhere, because he
knows where he's going.
188
00:29:06,250 --> 00:29:11,350
It is easy to get lost in the woods, so
the experienced scout blazes his trail
189
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:14,510
by cutting a notch in the tree as he
goes along.
190
00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:30,650
Of course, there should be taken not to
cut the knot too deeply.
191
00:29:39,660 --> 00:29:42,120
Pinching a tent is no problem for the
expert.
192
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:55,560
It is, however, most important to pitch
on firm, solid ground.
193
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:00,820
We have set up camp.
194
00:30:01,020 --> 00:30:03,200
The next thing is to look for water.
195
00:30:24,270 --> 00:30:25,870
with tadpole for nature study.
196
00:30:27,970 --> 00:30:31,890
The scoutmaster tickets his troop to
recognize our feathered friends.
197
00:30:38,110 --> 00:30:39,330
The common wood.
198
00:30:45,930 --> 00:30:52,210
Back to the base to start a roaring
campfire.
199
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:59,040
It must be kept well away from anything
inflammable, such as the tent.
200
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:05,579
Quickly, Captain.
201
00:31:05,580 --> 00:31:06,960
Water to put out the fire.
202
00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:10,740
Or any of the scoutmaster.
203
00:31:13,460 --> 00:31:20,180
A makeshift pressure cooker can be made
from two tin cans sealed with clay.
204
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:27,060
But personally, I wouldn't recommend it.
205
00:31:28,740 --> 00:31:29,540
I
206
00:31:29,540 --> 00:31:36,260
think
207
00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:39,980
we all agree it's fun to be a scout.
208
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:04,900
I'd like to do something dramatic for
you.
209
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:10,460
I'd like to do a one -man theatre.
210
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,680
There should have been a one -man and a
one -woman theatre, but she never turned
211
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:16,680
up.
212
00:33:17,380 --> 00:33:19,160
Because she did want to play the part of
the sailor.
213
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,620
So I should do both parts.
214
00:33:26,140 --> 00:33:27,800
This side is Sally.
215
00:33:31,460 --> 00:33:32,640
The very shy...
216
00:33:33,420 --> 00:33:34,500
Innocent young maiden.
217
00:33:35,620 --> 00:33:36,800
You've got to use your imagination.
218
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,220
On the other side, a sailor.
219
00:33:42,460 --> 00:33:46,920
Tall, virile, incredibly handsome.
220
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:51,880
You've got to use your imagination.
221
00:33:52,980 --> 00:33:56,560
Now, I want you to picture the scene.
222
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:01,220
It's a tumble down cottage in 1898.
223
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:02,860
It's a very long street.
224
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:12,340
And next door at 1897... ..lives this
wicked
225
00:34:12,340 --> 00:34:15,360
squire who wants to pull down Sally's
Cottage...
226
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:22,320
..to build a multi
227
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,380
-storey cowshed.
228
00:34:34,699 --> 00:34:38,159
Oh, Jack, you've come back after all
these years away at sea.
229
00:34:39,580 --> 00:34:40,780
I'm not that up for a start, am I not?
230
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,580
it's he who'll come back to me.
231
00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:08,600
Oh, Jack, Jack.
232
00:35:09,700 --> 00:35:11,120
Is it really you, Jack?
233
00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,580
No, my name's Fred.
234
00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:22,500
What?
235
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,800
What doesn't matter as long as you come
back to me?
236
00:35:29,420 --> 00:35:30,780
As long as you come back to me.
237
00:35:32,220 --> 00:35:33,780
Sub, sub, sub, sub, sub.
238
00:35:35,259 --> 00:35:37,300
Sub. Sub, sub. Oh, Jack.
239
00:35:38,020 --> 00:35:39,020
Fred.
240
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,280
Jack, will you hold me... Will you hold
me fast?
241
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:46,780
I'm holding you fast as I can.
242
00:35:49,700 --> 00:35:51,360
Now, what about this wicked squire?
243
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:57,020
Well, he will throw me out into the snow
with my two -year -old child.
244
00:35:58,420 --> 00:35:59,640
Well, don't you worry, Sally.
245
00:36:00,380 --> 00:36:03,980
After four years away, see, I've saved a
lot of money, and I shall...
246
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:14,680
Two years old.
247
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:17,160
What are we, four?
248
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,640
Nine? How
249
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:31,040
did
250
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,040
it happen?
251
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:35,720
Well, you wrote very passionate letters.
252
00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:42,820
Yes, you're quite right. I did, didn't
I?
253
00:36:49,390 --> 00:36:50,390
with his squire.
254
00:36:51,110 --> 00:36:52,110
He's to blame.
255
00:36:54,250 --> 00:36:59,770
With his curly black hair and his little
thin moustache and that hooked nose.
256
00:37:01,530 --> 00:37:02,890
Don't worry about the squire.
257
00:37:03,570 --> 00:37:04,810
Look at your little boy.
258
00:37:06,610 --> 00:37:07,710
You're quite right, Sally.
259
00:37:08,010 --> 00:37:09,150
Look at him lying there.
260
00:37:10,030 --> 00:37:11,030
Beautiful in his cot.
261
00:37:11,910 --> 00:37:16,410
With his curly black hair and that
little thin moustache.
262
00:37:24,170 --> 00:37:25,170
Reminds me of somebody.
263
00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:28,030
My mother.
264
00:37:30,950 --> 00:37:31,950
My mother?
265
00:37:33,730 --> 00:37:35,810
Yes, your mother. And not only that, the
squire.
266
00:37:36,690 --> 00:37:37,990
Sally, I'm going to leave you, Sally.
267
00:37:38,570 --> 00:37:39,690
Oh, no, Fred, no.
268
00:37:39,990 --> 00:37:40,990
Yes, I must.
269
00:37:41,970 --> 00:37:44,430
Fred, can't we start all over again?
270
00:37:46,010 --> 00:37:47,210
Well, all right, if you must.
271
00:37:49,450 --> 00:37:50,670
We'll start all over again.
272
00:38:21,130 --> 00:38:24,970
this to my next guest for selling a
million copies of the latest records.
273
00:38:26,510 --> 00:38:27,510
Pardon?
274
00:38:28,550 --> 00:38:29,550
What's that?
275
00:38:32,290 --> 00:38:33,350
Oh, half a million.
276
00:38:33,850 --> 00:38:38,750
You shouldn't be brisk about this.
277
00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:40,990
Oh, sorry.
278
00:38:41,950 --> 00:38:43,170
Half a million records.
279
00:38:45,410 --> 00:38:46,410
Half a million.
280
00:38:47,430 --> 00:38:49,230
Ladies and gentlemen, design.
281
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:05,120
Sometimes some things turn out how you
need them.
282
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:12,160
But then again, sometimes you can't see
them.
283
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:20,180
So then you should remember, the sun
don't always shine.
284
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,060
There was a tailor who made them throw
it out.
285
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,280
It's hair, Moe.
286
00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:02,620
There's Moe hair inside out.
287
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:05,799
Shot silk.
288
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:06,800
I shot it myself.
289
00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:12,700
The tech is not a bad fit, but the
trousers are a bit tight on the armpits.
290
00:42:14,860 --> 00:42:17,540
Do you know, every time I'm feeling down
in the dumps, I always get myself a new
291
00:42:17,540 --> 00:42:18,540
suit.
292
00:42:18,700 --> 00:42:19,820
Because they're cheaper down there.
293
00:42:29,450 --> 00:42:32,450
to a tailor to get a new suit, just to
see how it's coming along.
294
00:42:33,210 --> 00:42:34,210
Coming along?
295
00:42:44,250 --> 00:42:48,210
Good morning, sir.
296
00:42:48,570 --> 00:42:49,570
Good morning.
297
00:42:50,010 --> 00:42:51,790
My name's Mr. Fitting. I come here for a
cooper.
298
00:42:54,010 --> 00:42:57,450
Oh, no, sir. No, no. The other way
around.
299
00:42:57,990 --> 00:42:58,990
Oh, all right.
300
00:43:01,420 --> 00:43:02,420
Yes,
301
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:04,440
Mr Cooper.
302
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:08,000
You're here for your fitting, yes? Yes.
I thought so. Just one moment.
303
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:09,440
Ah, here we are.
304
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,500
Large pinhead.
305
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:18,800
Little wobbly chops.
306
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:26,720
The suit, sir, the suit. It's a pinhead.
Oh, I see. I see, of course, yes.
307
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:29,860
Shall we slip into the jacket?
308
00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:33,820
Shall both of us get in it?
309
00:43:34,700 --> 00:43:35,700
All right.
310
00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,280
Hold that.
311
00:43:40,500 --> 00:43:42,540
Now, me, sir. Thank you very much.
312
00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:44,480
Now,
313
00:43:46,180 --> 00:43:47,340
here we go.
314
00:43:47,860 --> 00:43:50,160
Now, gently, gently, gently.
315
00:43:50,860 --> 00:43:51,860
Please, sir.
316
00:43:52,260 --> 00:43:56,040
After all, sir does appear to have
rather fat shoulders.
317
00:43:58,510 --> 00:43:59,610
How can it have fat shoulders?
318
00:44:00,950 --> 00:44:01,950
It's only tat.
319
00:44:03,010 --> 00:44:04,450
Well, that's tat. What do you like
within your room?
320
00:44:09,890 --> 00:44:12,510
Would you care to look into the mirror?
321
00:44:12,830 --> 00:44:13,830
Certainly.
322
00:44:16,490 --> 00:44:17,490
I've vanished!
323
00:44:18,190 --> 00:44:19,190
I've disappeared!
324
00:44:19,650 --> 00:44:21,490
Oh! Am I overdoing this? The other side.
325
00:44:22,910 --> 00:44:25,670
I've vanished! The other side. Oh, the
other side, sir.
326
00:44:31,370 --> 00:44:32,410
Not bad as me, isn't it? Very nice.
327
00:44:32,690 --> 00:44:34,610
But I thought the buttons would come
with the price of the suit.
328
00:44:36,770 --> 00:44:39,230
Sir, this is only a first fitting.
329
00:44:39,590 --> 00:44:40,590
You get your buttons.
330
00:44:41,130 --> 00:44:42,130
All right, spare buttons?
331
00:44:42,670 --> 00:44:44,690
In case I lose one. Well, of course. Oh,
good.
332
00:44:44,950 --> 00:44:47,970
Because the last suit I had made, I had
spare buttons and I lost a buttonhole.
333
00:44:51,850 --> 00:44:54,330
Look, sir, would you mind lifting your
left arm?
334
00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:56,150
A little higher.
335
00:44:56,810 --> 00:44:57,970
Now put your right arm out.
336
00:44:58,570 --> 00:44:59,570
Bend it.
337
00:44:59,790 --> 00:45:00,790
Drop your left shoulder.
338
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:08,560
I wish you'd fit me like a suit.
339
00:45:10,260 --> 00:45:12,780
Yes, perhaps you are right. Relax for a
moment, sir.
340
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:14,740
I'll just bring the fitter. Right.
341
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:19,980
It was a terrible night in the desert.
342
00:45:22,060 --> 00:45:23,380
They were putting the cameras to bed.
343
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,100
One camera sat with his legs crossed,
scratching the back of his head.
344
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:37,680
make you laugh a bit, innit?
345
00:45:39,380 --> 00:45:40,380
Eh?
346
00:45:40,460 --> 00:45:43,660
Look, I'm in rather a hurry, my good
man. Do you have any blue material?
347
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:45,738
Any what?
348
00:45:45,740 --> 00:45:46,740
Blue material.
349
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:49,860
Well, I don't use it as a rule.
350
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:57,060
But I tell you what, I did hear on the
other day, funny enough, it was about
351
00:45:57,060 --> 00:46:02,100
this big tall Scotsman and he met this
little tiny woman and she said... That
352
00:46:02,100 --> 00:46:03,460
looks rather interesting up there.
353
00:46:03,820 --> 00:46:04,820
Oh, you've heard it?
354
00:46:19,820 --> 00:46:20,820
This? Fear that.
355
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,780
It's half nylon and half wool. Really?
356
00:46:23,540 --> 00:46:25,300
A sheet we fed on old plastic buckets.
357
00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:30,600
It's made you laugh a bit, hasn't it?
358
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:32,860
Yes, that's very good.
359
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,200
Yes? Yes.
360
00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:36,480
I'll have a suit in this.
361
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:38,360
Really? Yes.
362
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:39,640
Well, fancy air.
363
00:46:41,580 --> 00:46:43,380
Well, aren't you going to take down my
name and address?
364
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:45,800
Yes, all right.
365
00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:51,480
Oh, I don't think so, no.
366
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:59,160
Uh... Charlie Farnsbarn.
367
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,020
37 Lesby Avenue.
368
00:47:14,380 --> 00:47:15,620
She's Chiswick W4.
369
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:17,718
Who's he?
370
00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:18,760
I don't know, I just made it up.
371
00:47:21,770 --> 00:47:23,170
Okay, just tell me one of your suits.
372
00:47:23,430 --> 00:47:24,470
Surely not. It wouldn't fit you.
373
00:47:25,990 --> 00:47:27,310
Excuse me, Mr Cooper?
374
00:47:27,730 --> 00:47:29,430
No, no, that's Charlie Farnsworth. I'm
Mr Cooper.
375
00:47:30,230 --> 00:47:31,990
Could I be of assistance to you?
376
00:47:32,510 --> 00:47:35,910
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
377
00:47:37,650 --> 00:47:38,810
It's not one of mine, is it?
378
00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,970
No, it's not. No, of course not. I've
been on holiday.
379
00:47:42,390 --> 00:47:44,490
Sir, we'll soon get this right for you.
380
00:47:46,890 --> 00:47:49,250
What are you doing?
381
00:47:50,230 --> 00:47:53,050
Alterations, sir. This jacket makes,
sir, look as if he's got fat shoulders.
382
00:47:53,630 --> 00:47:54,468
What, again?
383
00:47:54,470 --> 00:47:57,470
Oh, dear. They should never have let it
get into this state before they checked
384
00:47:57,470 --> 00:47:58,388
the measurements.
385
00:47:58,390 --> 00:48:01,990
Well, as you mentioned, this sleeve
seems a bit longer, shorter than this
386
00:48:02,090 --> 00:48:03,049
Shorter, yes.
387
00:48:03,050 --> 00:48:04,910
Yes, never mind. We'll soon fix that for
you, sir.
388
00:48:07,710 --> 00:48:08,830
It's a bit shorter now, isn't it?
389
00:48:10,430 --> 00:48:12,570
Oh, my God. Look at those lapels.
390
00:48:14,910 --> 00:48:15,910
How's the other sleeve?
391
00:48:16,010 --> 00:48:17,010
Great.
392
00:48:21,390 --> 00:48:23,430
Perhaps, but not to the expert eye.
393
00:48:26,370 --> 00:48:29,450
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. Look at
those pockets.
394
00:48:33,090 --> 00:48:35,490
Just a minute. Just before we go any
further, there's something I've got to
395
00:48:35,490 --> 00:48:36,490
you. I know, I know, I know.
396
00:48:36,730 --> 00:48:38,330
It's the back seam, isn't it? Shoddy.
397
00:48:38,730 --> 00:48:40,810
Shoddy! All had to be done again.
398
00:48:41,210 --> 00:48:42,850
Mr. Hillbeam, a word.
399
00:48:43,090 --> 00:48:44,530
Just a minute. I haven't finished.
400
00:48:46,250 --> 00:48:47,590
Have a look at these trousers.
401
00:48:48,350 --> 00:48:49,890
Oh, good Lord. Just a minute.
402
00:48:57,770 --> 00:48:59,630
If you want to buy one of my suits, you
get it, there's one cheap.
403
00:49:01,730 --> 00:49:02,770
Now, this leg, come on.
404
00:49:03,410 --> 00:49:04,510
Mr Pilgrim!
405
00:49:05,230 --> 00:49:06,230
What is it?
406
00:49:07,770 --> 00:49:08,770
Hmm?
407
00:49:13,870 --> 00:49:15,070
Red sails in the sunset.
408
00:49:16,590 --> 00:49:17,590
What is it?
409
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:30,660
I couldn't help it. It's not my fault.
I'll pay you the money for the suit.
410
00:49:31,240 --> 00:49:32,480
I've got any pockets to put it in, have
I?
411
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:34,840
Anyway, I'm all going to get home.
412
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,820
Well, look, there is one thing we can't
do, sir. If you'll just step into the
413
00:49:37,820 --> 00:49:38,820
queue before the door opens.
414
00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:45,700
The cabinet may need your help.
415
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:47,100
I feel like a little more nervous.
416
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:49,360
How are we going to get the oven?
417
00:50:26,499 --> 00:50:27,499
Thank you.
418
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:29,420
Ah, what a lovely audience you are.
419
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,660
Do you know, I should never forget the
time when I was in Hong Kong. It's true,
420
00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:34,360
this regard about suits.
421
00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:36,780
And you know this, that in Hong Kong
they make a suit.
422
00:50:37,529 --> 00:50:38,529
Boy, in 24 hours.
423
00:50:39,710 --> 00:50:40,710
Even quicker than that.
424
00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:42,830
It can.
425
00:50:44,650 --> 00:50:48,250
And I had this suit made. It was a blue
one, and it was like that, and I had it
426
00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:49,250
all made like that.
427
00:50:49,330 --> 00:50:51,790
And I went back, and I started looking
like that.
428
00:50:55,910 --> 00:50:57,350
I said to the wife, what do you think of
this?
429
00:50:57,750 --> 00:50:59,130
She said, not bad, not bad at all.
430
00:50:59,730 --> 00:51:01,030
I said, 24 hours, that's all.
431
00:51:02,850 --> 00:51:03,970
She said, what's the hump on the back?
432
00:51:06,089 --> 00:51:07,710
I said, there's a tailor still working
on it.
31534
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