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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,759 --> 00:00:24,960 Good morning. 2 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:17,750 Be brisk. 3 00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:21,290 How did I ever do this? 4 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,410 Next time I read a small print. 5 00:02:37,850 --> 00:02:39,010 Thank you very much. Thank you. 6 00:02:39,650 --> 00:02:40,650 Thank you. 7 00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,850 Ah, walkies, walkies. 8 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:55,460 Sit. Stop that, stop that. 9 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,000 Stop that, stop that. 10 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,840 Is he all right? Oh, good. 11 00:03:05,460 --> 00:03:08,080 I've got my dog in the dressing room. He's a one -man dog. Oh, he bites me. 12 00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:15,070 Have I got time for more? 13 00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:25,430 I'll say to him, attack, and he has one. 14 00:03:30,250 --> 00:03:31,270 Stop that, stop that, stop that. 15 00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:33,790 Go on, sit, sit on it, sit on it. 16 00:03:35,190 --> 00:03:38,950 He took a big lump with one knee once, and a friend of mine said, did you put 17 00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:40,470 anything on it? I said, no, he liked it as it was. 18 00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:48,230 Dear, oh dear. 19 00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:53,070 My next door neighbour said to me, he said, you've got to get rid of that dog. 20 00:03:53,070 --> 00:03:53,489 said, why? 21 00:03:53,490 --> 00:03:54,930 He said, he keeps chasing people on a bicycle. 22 00:03:55,510 --> 00:03:56,570 I said, well, take his bike away. 23 00:04:11,810 --> 00:04:12,810 Light bulb! 24 00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:14,970 Heavy bulb. 25 00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:29,870 I picked up. I don't know who dropped it. 26 00:04:35,910 --> 00:04:37,230 Blue there, white spots. 27 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,630 White there were blue spots. 28 00:04:39,310 --> 00:04:43,050 Inside here, we have a blue handkerchief dyed white. 29 00:04:48,350 --> 00:04:49,770 And a white handkerchief dyed blue. 30 00:04:51,610 --> 00:04:55,470 And inside here, there's just a brown empty bag. 31 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,310 So now the spots are inside. 32 00:04:58,950 --> 00:04:59,990 Now, what I'm going to do is this. 33 00:05:03,830 --> 00:05:05,470 I put the both handkerchiefs out there like that. 34 00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:08,430 Zuzo aloha. 35 00:05:17,790 --> 00:05:18,890 Zuzo aloha. 36 00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:23,010 Now, here's the blue handkerchief, which is now white. 37 00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:41,110 inside the bag again. 38 00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:50,030 And now I shall make some spots come on each handkerchief. Spots on each 39 00:05:50,030 --> 00:05:51,030 handkerchief. 40 00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:53,490 I 41 00:05:53,490 --> 00:06:03,670 don't 42 00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:04,670 know what it means. 43 00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:07,170 I thought I'd turn aside these ones. 44 00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:13,490 My handkerchief were white spots. 45 00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:25,350 And here's the blue handkerchief with blue spots. 46 00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:28,570 You don't believe me, do you? 47 00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:31,730 All right, I'll tell you what I'd do. I'd put them in there again like that. 48 00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:38,130 Now, here's the blue handkerchief. 49 00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:48,690 somebody else come on. 50 00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,710 It's the blue magazine for white spots. 51 00:06:55,690 --> 00:06:56,690 Thank you. 52 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:00,350 Well, 53 00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:04,910 a lovely audience. 54 00:07:05,330 --> 00:07:07,350 I won't cut anything at all. 55 00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:13,610 And here's the white... 56 00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:22,770 There's a spot missing. 57 00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:26,730 There is a spot missing. Come on, spot. 58 00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:28,390 Spot. 59 00:07:28,510 --> 00:07:29,750 Come on, spot. Where are you, spot? 60 00:07:30,190 --> 00:07:31,190 There he is. Hello. 61 00:07:35,570 --> 00:07:40,970 Here we go. 62 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:45,690 Last week, I went to a travel agency to see about my holidays. 63 00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:47,950 And there was a big poster of Mallorca. 64 00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,550 So I thought, I want to go there. So he pinned me to the wall. 65 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,640 I went by jumbo jet. 66 00:07:58,920 --> 00:07:59,920 The pilot was an elephant. 67 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:05,100 And I always sit in the tail end of a plane, always. 68 00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:08,080 Because you never hear a plane backing into a mountain. 69 00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:21,840 And when I got to the hotel in Mallorca, they 70 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,960 gave me the red carpet treatment. 71 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,560 They did. I thought it was very nice of them. 72 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,440 And they said, the beds are not ready, so you've got to sleep on the red 73 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:34,039 And I got to the room, and there was no ceiling to the room. So I rang out to 74 00:08:34,039 --> 00:08:35,659 the manager. I said, there's no ceiling to my room. 75 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,940 He said, that's all right. He said, the man up over here doesn't walk about 76 00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:38,940 much. 77 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:54,000 And when I got back, when I got back... I'm bleating. And when I got 78 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,000 back... 79 00:08:56,750 --> 00:09:00,130 When I got back from the holiday, I parked the car in the drive, took the 80 00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:03,130 luggage out of the back seat, and helped my wife down from the roof rack. 81 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,710 And there was 2 ,000 milk bowls on the doorstep. 82 00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:14,610 And I said to the milkman, I said, I've been away on a holiday. 83 00:09:15,450 --> 00:09:19,190 He said, thank goodness for that. He said, I was beginning to think you 84 00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:20,190 like the stuff. 85 00:09:28,590 --> 00:09:31,650 Because my wife, she always leaves her taps running when we go away. 86 00:09:31,990 --> 00:09:34,230 Because she's got a theory that it drowns burglars. 87 00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:40,190 And the cellar was about seven foot high of water. Seven foot. 88 00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:42,790 I was so surprised I nearly fell off her shoulders. 89 00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:51,590 And it started to rise. The first floor, second floor, third floor. 90 00:09:51,950 --> 00:09:53,870 Which I couldn't understand. We live in a bungalow. 91 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:04,900 There's a little trick I'd like to show you now. 92 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:09,000 From an empty top hat here like this, I can produce an elephant. 93 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:14,700 Just cover it there like that. 94 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,620 Now, you must admit, it's taken a lot of magic to do this. 95 00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:21,580 Anyway, this one is a little bit small to do this trick. 96 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,500 So, a larger one there, please. 97 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,960 to do i'll tell you what i'm going to do i'm going to tap this top act three 98 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:00,960 times lightly 99 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:05,380 I'll wait from you. No words can tell us that it makes me kiss you. 100 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,080 See and dance. 101 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,660 Do it over again. 102 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,560 Watch for the man. 103 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:15,600 I'll never fail. 104 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,820 If you don't get a letter, then you know. 105 00:16:24,199 --> 00:16:25,199 Yeah, 106 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,760 watch for the mail. 107 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:34,700 I never bail. 108 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,880 If you don't get a letter, then you know I'm in jail. 109 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,920 Tootsie, tootsie, don't cry. 110 00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,400 Tootsie, tootsie, goodbye. 111 00:18:06,990 --> 00:18:07,990 Okay. 112 00:19:02,190 --> 00:19:08,370 I left my heart in 113 00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:10,910 San Francisco. 114 00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:19,390 Thank you. 115 00:19:28,170 --> 00:19:30,990 Splendid, my man. Thank you. 116 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,680 Right, changing rooms at the location, you know. You didn't have to travel in 117 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,680 costume. 118 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:47,340 Young lady, I like to work my way into the roles I portray. 119 00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:50,340 Here. I knew that actor. 120 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,140 Let me see now. What's his name? 121 00:19:52,620 --> 00:19:53,620 Maswell Beamish. 122 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,340 No, no, no, that's not it. 123 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:56,800 Anyway, never mind. 124 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,220 Hey, I saw you on the telly the other night. Really? 125 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,060 In one of them old films. Yeah. 126 00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:03,620 God, it was awful. 127 00:20:08,010 --> 00:20:09,830 Studio car waiting for you at the other end. 128 00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:11,370 Have a lovely trip. 129 00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:12,789 Must that. 130 00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:13,790 Thank you, my dear. 131 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,550 Oh, I just made it. 132 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:21,290 I thought I was going to miss it. 133 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,100 her face? Ah, no. 134 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,200 So? 135 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,680 That is the face of it. 136 00:21:48,460 --> 00:21:49,740 Do you take anything for it? 137 00:21:52,780 --> 00:21:54,100 I know who you are. 138 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,200 Really? I suppose you want my autograph. 139 00:21:57,540 --> 00:21:58,540 Certainly not. 140 00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:07,020 I thought you were dead. 141 00:22:10,350 --> 00:22:11,510 resting for a little while. 142 00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:13,430 South America? 143 00:22:14,150 --> 00:22:19,310 Well, if you must know, for some years I was a bingo caller at Cleethorpes. 144 00:22:22,450 --> 00:22:23,450 Somebody's got to go there. 145 00:22:26,850 --> 00:22:28,290 So that's where you've been hiding, is it? 146 00:22:28,510 --> 00:22:29,510 You know, it's incredible. 147 00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:30,690 You don't look over 80. 148 00:22:31,290 --> 00:22:32,290 Thank you. 149 00:22:33,470 --> 00:22:36,870 You've had your hair done, haven't you? It's been dyed, hasn't it? Well, it's 150 00:22:36,870 --> 00:22:38,430 the little tint, you know, to hide the grey. 151 00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:44,059 It's lifted, right? 152 00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:46,620 Well, is that... Sir, must we pursue this conversation? 153 00:22:46,980 --> 00:22:47,980 Sorry, sorry. 154 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,480 That's Randy Ethel. 155 00:22:57,640 --> 00:22:58,640 Who? 156 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:00,040 Randy Ethel. 157 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,420 I heard you the first time. All right. 158 00:23:03,260 --> 00:23:05,500 In 1940, you fronted the life out of her. 159 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,090 Are you some sort of newspaper critic? 160 00:23:32,890 --> 00:23:33,890 Yes, gentlemen. 161 00:23:36,830 --> 00:23:39,250 In fact, maybe Peter Swines doesn't know who it is. 162 00:23:39,470 --> 00:23:40,470 Yeah, of course I do. 163 00:23:40,570 --> 00:23:42,130 And I mean, he's not that bad an actor. 164 00:23:42,450 --> 00:23:43,530 No, I think he's not. 165 00:23:44,610 --> 00:23:45,610 What, 166 00:23:46,510 --> 00:23:49,750 actor? Mudswell Beamish. Look, I'm sorry about this, sir. I'll go in the game 167 00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:50,750 club. Yes, sir. 168 00:23:51,850 --> 00:23:52,849 Is it true? 169 00:23:52,850 --> 00:23:53,850 Yes. 170 00:23:53,950 --> 00:23:55,670 Could I have your order back, Mr Beamish? Get away! 171 00:24:13,070 --> 00:24:14,590 is an actor, Muswell Beamish. 172 00:24:17,810 --> 00:24:18,910 Muswell Beamish? 173 00:24:19,790 --> 00:24:21,110 Absolute terrible actor. 174 00:24:21,310 --> 00:24:22,310 Should be shot. 175 00:24:25,290 --> 00:24:27,470 You never know who you're going to meet on the train these days, do you? 176 00:24:34,730 --> 00:24:41,390 And now, I'd like to introduce the winner of the 1973 Eurovision Song 177 00:24:41,390 --> 00:24:42,390 Contest. 178 00:24:42,670 --> 00:24:46,090 And in her honor, I shall make the introduction in French. 179 00:24:51,130 --> 00:24:51,830 Ladies 180 00:24:51,830 --> 00:24:59,750 and 181 00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:01,530 gentlemen, Anne -Marie David. 182 00:25:09,950 --> 00:25:11,150 What now? 183 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:13,520 Love! 184 00:28:21,390 --> 00:28:26,210 Silver Patrol, a group of teen young boy scouts, off for a day in the country to 185 00:28:26,210 --> 00:28:27,210 learn woodcraft. 186 00:28:27,270 --> 00:28:30,570 Led by their dedicated, enthusiastic scout master. 187 00:28:39,570 --> 00:28:43,850 They'll follow him anywhere, because he knows where he's going. 188 00:29:06,250 --> 00:29:11,350 It is easy to get lost in the woods, so the experienced scout blazes his trail 189 00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:14,510 by cutting a notch in the tree as he goes along. 190 00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:30,650 Of course, there should be taken not to cut the knot too deeply. 191 00:29:39,660 --> 00:29:42,120 Pinching a tent is no problem for the expert. 192 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:55,560 It is, however, most important to pitch on firm, solid ground. 193 00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:00,820 We have set up camp. 194 00:30:01,020 --> 00:30:03,200 The next thing is to look for water. 195 00:30:24,270 --> 00:30:25,870 with tadpole for nature study. 196 00:30:27,970 --> 00:30:31,890 The scoutmaster tickets his troop to recognize our feathered friends. 197 00:30:38,110 --> 00:30:39,330 The common wood. 198 00:30:45,930 --> 00:30:52,210 Back to the base to start a roaring campfire. 199 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:59,040 It must be kept well away from anything inflammable, such as the tent. 200 00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:05,579 Quickly, Captain. 201 00:31:05,580 --> 00:31:06,960 Water to put out the fire. 202 00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:10,740 Or any of the scoutmaster. 203 00:31:13,460 --> 00:31:20,180 A makeshift pressure cooker can be made from two tin cans sealed with clay. 204 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:27,060 But personally, I wouldn't recommend it. 205 00:31:28,740 --> 00:31:29,540 I 206 00:31:29,540 --> 00:31:36,260 think 207 00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:39,980 we all agree it's fun to be a scout. 208 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:04,900 I'd like to do something dramatic for you. 209 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:10,460 I'd like to do a one -man theatre. 210 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,680 There should have been a one -man and a one -woman theatre, but she never turned 211 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:16,680 up. 212 00:33:17,380 --> 00:33:19,160 Because she did want to play the part of the sailor. 213 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:23,620 So I should do both parts. 214 00:33:26,140 --> 00:33:27,800 This side is Sally. 215 00:33:31,460 --> 00:33:32,640 The very shy... 216 00:33:33,420 --> 00:33:34,500 Innocent young maiden. 217 00:33:35,620 --> 00:33:36,800 You've got to use your imagination. 218 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,220 On the other side, a sailor. 219 00:33:42,460 --> 00:33:46,920 Tall, virile, incredibly handsome. 220 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:51,880 You've got to use your imagination. 221 00:33:52,980 --> 00:33:56,560 Now, I want you to picture the scene. 222 00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:01,220 It's a tumble down cottage in 1898. 223 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:02,860 It's a very long street. 224 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:12,340 And next door at 1897... ..lives this wicked 225 00:34:12,340 --> 00:34:15,360 squire who wants to pull down Sally's Cottage... 226 00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:22,320 ..to build a multi 227 00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,380 -storey cowshed. 228 00:34:34,699 --> 00:34:38,159 Oh, Jack, you've come back after all these years away at sea. 229 00:34:39,580 --> 00:34:40,780 I'm not that up for a start, am I not? 230 00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,580 it's he who'll come back to me. 231 00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:08,600 Oh, Jack, Jack. 232 00:35:09,700 --> 00:35:11,120 Is it really you, Jack? 233 00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,580 No, my name's Fred. 234 00:35:21,500 --> 00:35:22,500 What? 235 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:26,800 What doesn't matter as long as you come back to me? 236 00:35:29,420 --> 00:35:30,780 As long as you come back to me. 237 00:35:32,220 --> 00:35:33,780 Sub, sub, sub, sub, sub. 238 00:35:35,259 --> 00:35:37,300 Sub. Sub, sub. Oh, Jack. 239 00:35:38,020 --> 00:35:39,020 Fred. 240 00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,280 Jack, will you hold me... Will you hold me fast? 241 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:46,780 I'm holding you fast as I can. 242 00:35:49,700 --> 00:35:51,360 Now, what about this wicked squire? 243 00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:57,020 Well, he will throw me out into the snow with my two -year -old child. 244 00:35:58,420 --> 00:35:59,640 Well, don't you worry, Sally. 245 00:36:00,380 --> 00:36:03,980 After four years away, see, I've saved a lot of money, and I shall... 246 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:14,680 Two years old. 247 00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:17,160 What are we, four? 248 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:21,640 Nine? How 249 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:31,040 did 250 00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,040 it happen? 251 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:35,720 Well, you wrote very passionate letters. 252 00:36:41,300 --> 00:36:42,820 Yes, you're quite right. I did, didn't I? 253 00:36:49,390 --> 00:36:50,390 with his squire. 254 00:36:51,110 --> 00:36:52,110 He's to blame. 255 00:36:54,250 --> 00:36:59,770 With his curly black hair and his little thin moustache and that hooked nose. 256 00:37:01,530 --> 00:37:02,890 Don't worry about the squire. 257 00:37:03,570 --> 00:37:04,810 Look at your little boy. 258 00:37:06,610 --> 00:37:07,710 You're quite right, Sally. 259 00:37:08,010 --> 00:37:09,150 Look at him lying there. 260 00:37:10,030 --> 00:37:11,030 Beautiful in his cot. 261 00:37:11,910 --> 00:37:16,410 With his curly black hair and that little thin moustache. 262 00:37:24,170 --> 00:37:25,170 Reminds me of somebody. 263 00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:28,030 My mother. 264 00:37:30,950 --> 00:37:31,950 My mother? 265 00:37:33,730 --> 00:37:35,810 Yes, your mother. And not only that, the squire. 266 00:37:36,690 --> 00:37:37,990 Sally, I'm going to leave you, Sally. 267 00:37:38,570 --> 00:37:39,690 Oh, no, Fred, no. 268 00:37:39,990 --> 00:37:40,990 Yes, I must. 269 00:37:41,970 --> 00:37:44,430 Fred, can't we start all over again? 270 00:37:46,010 --> 00:37:47,210 Well, all right, if you must. 271 00:37:49,450 --> 00:37:50,670 We'll start all over again. 272 00:38:21,130 --> 00:38:24,970 this to my next guest for selling a million copies of the latest records. 273 00:38:26,510 --> 00:38:27,510 Pardon? 274 00:38:28,550 --> 00:38:29,550 What's that? 275 00:38:32,290 --> 00:38:33,350 Oh, half a million. 276 00:38:33,850 --> 00:38:38,750 You shouldn't be brisk about this. 277 00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:40,990 Oh, sorry. 278 00:38:41,950 --> 00:38:43,170 Half a million records. 279 00:38:45,410 --> 00:38:46,410 Half a million. 280 00:38:47,430 --> 00:38:49,230 Ladies and gentlemen, design. 281 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:05,120 Sometimes some things turn out how you need them. 282 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:12,160 But then again, sometimes you can't see them. 283 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:20,180 So then you should remember, the sun don't always shine. 284 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,060 There was a tailor who made them throw it out. 285 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:01,280 It's hair, Moe. 286 00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:02,620 There's Moe hair inside out. 287 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:05,799 Shot silk. 288 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:06,800 I shot it myself. 289 00:42:09,820 --> 00:42:12,700 The tech is not a bad fit, but the trousers are a bit tight on the armpits. 290 00:42:14,860 --> 00:42:17,540 Do you know, every time I'm feeling down in the dumps, I always get myself a new 291 00:42:17,540 --> 00:42:18,540 suit. 292 00:42:18,700 --> 00:42:19,820 Because they're cheaper down there. 293 00:42:29,450 --> 00:42:32,450 to a tailor to get a new suit, just to see how it's coming along. 294 00:42:33,210 --> 00:42:34,210 Coming along? 295 00:42:44,250 --> 00:42:48,210 Good morning, sir. 296 00:42:48,570 --> 00:42:49,570 Good morning. 297 00:42:50,010 --> 00:42:51,790 My name's Mr. Fitting. I come here for a cooper. 298 00:42:54,010 --> 00:42:57,450 Oh, no, sir. No, no. The other way around. 299 00:42:57,990 --> 00:42:58,990 Oh, all right. 300 00:43:01,420 --> 00:43:02,420 Yes, 301 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:04,440 Mr Cooper. 302 00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:08,000 You're here for your fitting, yes? Yes. I thought so. Just one moment. 303 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:09,440 Ah, here we are. 304 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,500 Large pinhead. 305 00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:18,800 Little wobbly chops. 306 00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:26,720 The suit, sir, the suit. It's a pinhead. Oh, I see. I see, of course, yes. 307 00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:29,860 Shall we slip into the jacket? 308 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:33,820 Shall both of us get in it? 309 00:43:34,700 --> 00:43:35,700 All right. 310 00:43:36,280 --> 00:43:37,280 Hold that. 311 00:43:40,500 --> 00:43:42,540 Now, me, sir. Thank you very much. 312 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:44,480 Now, 313 00:43:46,180 --> 00:43:47,340 here we go. 314 00:43:47,860 --> 00:43:50,160 Now, gently, gently, gently. 315 00:43:50,860 --> 00:43:51,860 Please, sir. 316 00:43:52,260 --> 00:43:56,040 After all, sir does appear to have rather fat shoulders. 317 00:43:58,510 --> 00:43:59,610 How can it have fat shoulders? 318 00:44:00,950 --> 00:44:01,950 It's only tat. 319 00:44:03,010 --> 00:44:04,450 Well, that's tat. What do you like within your room? 320 00:44:09,890 --> 00:44:12,510 Would you care to look into the mirror? 321 00:44:12,830 --> 00:44:13,830 Certainly. 322 00:44:16,490 --> 00:44:17,490 I've vanished! 323 00:44:18,190 --> 00:44:19,190 I've disappeared! 324 00:44:19,650 --> 00:44:21,490 Oh! Am I overdoing this? The other side. 325 00:44:22,910 --> 00:44:25,670 I've vanished! The other side. Oh, the other side, sir. 326 00:44:31,370 --> 00:44:32,410 Not bad as me, isn't it? Very nice. 327 00:44:32,690 --> 00:44:34,610 But I thought the buttons would come with the price of the suit. 328 00:44:36,770 --> 00:44:39,230 Sir, this is only a first fitting. 329 00:44:39,590 --> 00:44:40,590 You get your buttons. 330 00:44:41,130 --> 00:44:42,130 All right, spare buttons? 331 00:44:42,670 --> 00:44:44,690 In case I lose one. Well, of course. Oh, good. 332 00:44:44,950 --> 00:44:47,970 Because the last suit I had made, I had spare buttons and I lost a buttonhole. 333 00:44:51,850 --> 00:44:54,330 Look, sir, would you mind lifting your left arm? 334 00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:56,150 A little higher. 335 00:44:56,810 --> 00:44:57,970 Now put your right arm out. 336 00:44:58,570 --> 00:44:59,570 Bend it. 337 00:44:59,790 --> 00:45:00,790 Drop your left shoulder. 338 00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:08,560 I wish you'd fit me like a suit. 339 00:45:10,260 --> 00:45:12,780 Yes, perhaps you are right. Relax for a moment, sir. 340 00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:14,740 I'll just bring the fitter. Right. 341 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:19,980 It was a terrible night in the desert. 342 00:45:22,060 --> 00:45:23,380 They were putting the cameras to bed. 343 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,100 One camera sat with his legs crossed, scratching the back of his head. 344 00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:37,680 make you laugh a bit, innit? 345 00:45:39,380 --> 00:45:40,380 Eh? 346 00:45:40,460 --> 00:45:43,660 Look, I'm in rather a hurry, my good man. Do you have any blue material? 347 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:45,738 Any what? 348 00:45:45,740 --> 00:45:46,740 Blue material. 349 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:49,860 Well, I don't use it as a rule. 350 00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:57,060 But I tell you what, I did hear on the other day, funny enough, it was about 351 00:45:57,060 --> 00:46:02,100 this big tall Scotsman and he met this little tiny woman and she said... That 352 00:46:02,100 --> 00:46:03,460 looks rather interesting up there. 353 00:46:03,820 --> 00:46:04,820 Oh, you've heard it? 354 00:46:19,820 --> 00:46:20,820 This? Fear that. 355 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,780 It's half nylon and half wool. Really? 356 00:46:23,540 --> 00:46:25,300 A sheet we fed on old plastic buckets. 357 00:46:29,420 --> 00:46:30,600 It's made you laugh a bit, hasn't it? 358 00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:32,860 Yes, that's very good. 359 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,200 Yes? Yes. 360 00:46:35,460 --> 00:46:36,480 I'll have a suit in this. 361 00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:38,360 Really? Yes. 362 00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:39,640 Well, fancy air. 363 00:46:41,580 --> 00:46:43,380 Well, aren't you going to take down my name and address? 364 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:45,800 Yes, all right. 365 00:46:50,480 --> 00:46:51,480 Oh, I don't think so, no. 366 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:59,160 Uh... Charlie Farnsbarn. 367 00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,020 37 Lesby Avenue. 368 00:47:14,380 --> 00:47:15,620 She's Chiswick W4. 369 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:17,718 Who's he? 370 00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:18,760 I don't know, I just made it up. 371 00:47:21,770 --> 00:47:23,170 Okay, just tell me one of your suits. 372 00:47:23,430 --> 00:47:24,470 Surely not. It wouldn't fit you. 373 00:47:25,990 --> 00:47:27,310 Excuse me, Mr Cooper? 374 00:47:27,730 --> 00:47:29,430 No, no, that's Charlie Farnsworth. I'm Mr Cooper. 375 00:47:30,230 --> 00:47:31,990 Could I be of assistance to you? 376 00:47:32,510 --> 00:47:35,910 Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. 377 00:47:37,650 --> 00:47:38,810 It's not one of mine, is it? 378 00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,970 No, it's not. No, of course not. I've been on holiday. 379 00:47:42,390 --> 00:47:44,490 Sir, we'll soon get this right for you. 380 00:47:46,890 --> 00:47:49,250 What are you doing? 381 00:47:50,230 --> 00:47:53,050 Alterations, sir. This jacket makes, sir, look as if he's got fat shoulders. 382 00:47:53,630 --> 00:47:54,468 What, again? 383 00:47:54,470 --> 00:47:57,470 Oh, dear. They should never have let it get into this state before they checked 384 00:47:57,470 --> 00:47:58,388 the measurements. 385 00:47:58,390 --> 00:48:01,990 Well, as you mentioned, this sleeve seems a bit longer, shorter than this 386 00:48:02,090 --> 00:48:03,049 Shorter, yes. 387 00:48:03,050 --> 00:48:04,910 Yes, never mind. We'll soon fix that for you, sir. 388 00:48:07,710 --> 00:48:08,830 It's a bit shorter now, isn't it? 389 00:48:10,430 --> 00:48:12,570 Oh, my God. Look at those lapels. 390 00:48:14,910 --> 00:48:15,910 How's the other sleeve? 391 00:48:16,010 --> 00:48:17,010 Great. 392 00:48:21,390 --> 00:48:23,430 Perhaps, but not to the expert eye. 393 00:48:26,370 --> 00:48:29,450 Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. Look at those pockets. 394 00:48:33,090 --> 00:48:35,490 Just a minute. Just before we go any further, there's something I've got to 395 00:48:35,490 --> 00:48:36,490 you. I know, I know, I know. 396 00:48:36,730 --> 00:48:38,330 It's the back seam, isn't it? Shoddy. 397 00:48:38,730 --> 00:48:40,810 Shoddy! All had to be done again. 398 00:48:41,210 --> 00:48:42,850 Mr. Hillbeam, a word. 399 00:48:43,090 --> 00:48:44,530 Just a minute. I haven't finished. 400 00:48:46,250 --> 00:48:47,590 Have a look at these trousers. 401 00:48:48,350 --> 00:48:49,890 Oh, good Lord. Just a minute. 402 00:48:57,770 --> 00:48:59,630 If you want to buy one of my suits, you get it, there's one cheap. 403 00:49:01,730 --> 00:49:02,770 Now, this leg, come on. 404 00:49:03,410 --> 00:49:04,510 Mr Pilgrim! 405 00:49:05,230 --> 00:49:06,230 What is it? 406 00:49:07,770 --> 00:49:08,770 Hmm? 407 00:49:13,870 --> 00:49:15,070 Red sails in the sunset. 408 00:49:16,590 --> 00:49:17,590 What is it? 409 00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:30,660 I couldn't help it. It's not my fault. I'll pay you the money for the suit. 410 00:49:31,240 --> 00:49:32,480 I've got any pockets to put it in, have I? 411 00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:34,840 Anyway, I'm all going to get home. 412 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,820 Well, look, there is one thing we can't do, sir. If you'll just step into the 413 00:49:37,820 --> 00:49:38,820 queue before the door opens. 414 00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:45,700 The cabinet may need your help. 415 00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:47,100 I feel like a little more nervous. 416 00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:49,360 How are we going to get the oven? 417 00:50:26,499 --> 00:50:27,499 Thank you. 418 00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:29,420 Ah, what a lovely audience you are. 419 00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:32,660 Do you know, I should never forget the time when I was in Hong Kong. It's true, 420 00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:34,360 this regard about suits. 421 00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:36,780 And you know this, that in Hong Kong they make a suit. 422 00:50:37,529 --> 00:50:38,529 Boy, in 24 hours. 423 00:50:39,710 --> 00:50:40,710 Even quicker than that. 424 00:50:41,830 --> 00:50:42,830 It can. 425 00:50:44,650 --> 00:50:48,250 And I had this suit made. It was a blue one, and it was like that, and I had it 426 00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:49,250 all made like that. 427 00:50:49,330 --> 00:50:51,790 And I went back, and I started looking like that. 428 00:50:55,910 --> 00:50:57,350 I said to the wife, what do you think of this? 429 00:50:57,750 --> 00:50:59,130 She said, not bad, not bad at all. 430 00:50:59,730 --> 00:51:01,030 I said, 24 hours, that's all. 431 00:51:02,850 --> 00:51:03,970 She said, what's the hump on the back? 432 00:51:06,089 --> 00:51:07,710 I said, there's a tailor still working on it. 31534

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