Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:24,389 --> 00:00:26,130
It's Tommy Cooper!
2
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,120
very much, ladies and gentlemen.
3
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,780
You've all no doubt seen that wonderful
trick I've shown a lady in half.
4
00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,019
You have?
5
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:51,020
What the hell with it?
6
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,660
I shall never forget the last time I did
that. I can see it now. The lights, the
7
00:00:55,660 --> 00:00:57,140
applause, the costumes, the blood.
8
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,680
Just before the show, the producer said
to me, he said, how are you tonight?
9
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,700
I said, well, I'm feeling a little bit
funny.
10
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,120
He said, well, get out there before it
wears off.
11
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:18,380
I went to the local cinema the last
night and I saw the slimy, one -eyed,
12
00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:19,380
-man monster.
13
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,400
He's been a manager of their phrases.
14
00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:33,220
Do you know, last week, because we got a
load of this, last week, an insurance
15
00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:36,760
man came up to me, you see, and he said
to me, I said, I've got plenty of
16
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,260
insurance. He said, no, he said, just
listen first.
17
00:01:39,940 --> 00:01:42,440
See? He said, are you listening? I said,
yes, I am.
18
00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:44,620
So, no, I was.
19
00:01:45,820 --> 00:01:48,880
And I looked at him, I looked at him
like that, I looked him square in the
20
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:55,220
yeah, square eyes, and I said to him, he
said, look, you pay tuppence a week for
21
00:01:55,220 --> 00:02:01,120
50 years, that's all, and when you get
to 90, you get £100.
22
00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:05,200
He said, I know it's not much, but it's
a starting line.
23
00:02:10,870 --> 00:02:14,210
You know, we've been rehearsing the
shows, which you know, and a couple of
24
00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:17,350
nights ago I was leaving late, see, and
I was going home, I had two bags with
25
00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:21,310
me, and I'm just... Grips, grips.
26
00:02:22,730 --> 00:02:25,650
And, well, you know, a policeman can
stop you after midnight, can't they?
27
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:26,730
They're allowed to do that.
28
00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:28,210
Am I right?
29
00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:29,869
There are, aren't they?
30
00:02:29,870 --> 00:02:32,130
So this policeman stopped me, and he
said, what have you got in that grip
31
00:02:32,390 --> 00:02:33,390
A bit harsh, he was.
32
00:02:35,070 --> 00:02:36,790
I said, in there, I've got sugar from a
tea.
33
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:38,390
He said, what have you got in that one?
34
00:02:38,590 --> 00:02:39,790
I said, I've got sugar from a coffee.
35
00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:42,100
And he took his little truncheon out, he
went, boom!
36
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,140
He said, there's a lump of your purple.
37
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:50,080
What
38
00:02:50,080 --> 00:03:00,800
happened
39
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,800
then? What happened?
40
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:03,780
Now, you get this ball here.
41
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:04,840
Good evening.
42
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:11,960
You get this ball here like this, you
see.
43
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,060
Anything I can do for you?
44
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,700
Possibly, yes. My name is Winterbottom.
45
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,160
That's a bit chilly for you.
46
00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:26,360
But don't mind me, Mr Cooper. Carry on.
Oh, thank you.
47
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:30,460
I'm just doing a trick with a ball, you
know.
48
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:35,460
Just throw it there like that, you see.
Push it in the hand there like that.
49
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:37,300
Boop. Just appears there. Go in your
pocket.
50
00:03:37,690 --> 00:03:38,710
And then it is there like that, look.
51
00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:50,110
One, two, three balls there like that.
Now watch this very, very closely.
52
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,410
Here we go. I want you to pay a lot of
attention to this because later on I
53
00:03:53,410 --> 00:03:54,410
shall ask questions.
54
00:04:01,350 --> 00:04:03,010
I've placed one ball in my pocket, like
that.
55
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,330
One ball in the hand and one in the
pocket. Everybody's in the hand.
56
00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:08,850
Now look, we'll start again. Three balls
there like that.
57
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:15,130
And two, look. One, two, three.
Everybody's in the hand, quick.
58
00:04:15,810 --> 00:04:17,050
Two, no, one. How's that?
59
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:22,970
Look,
60
00:04:25,930 --> 00:04:26,930
who are you?
61
00:04:28,030 --> 00:04:29,030
I'm a censor.
62
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,070
My card.
63
00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:32,990
Well, there's nothing on it.
64
00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:34,550
Naturally, it's been censored.
65
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:38,900
Saves me a fortune in printing costs.
66
00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:41,540
Oh, I see.
67
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,220
Ada Spade, or Rana Spade, does anything
I say, come down.
68
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,240
Oh, thank you.
69
00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:56,200
I say, what are you doing here?
70
00:04:57,420 --> 00:04:59,880
Well, it's my job to see that nothing
offensive creeps into the show.
71
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,500
Well, no -one's watching. Why don't you
creep back out again?
72
00:05:08,140 --> 00:05:11,900
Tell me, Mr Cooper, have you read the
ITA rule book?
73
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,560
No, but I saw the film with Doris Day
and Bazarath.
74
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:17,200
Bone. Got a bone stuck up my throat.
75
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,300
Very amusing.
76
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,520
The rule I'm referring to is one which
says that no offensive material must be
77
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,520
used in television shows.
78
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,080
Those glasses, for instance, those ought
to go.
79
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:31,520
Why? Well, glasses suggest drinking.
80
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,460
Drinking suggests alcohol.
81
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,920
And alcohol suggests alcoholism.
82
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:38,780
I think we'd better get rid of those.
83
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:42,920
Family show, Mr Cooper.
84
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:44,599
Carry on, please.
85
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:45,600
Thank you.
86
00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,740
Right, for my next trick, before I
start, I'd like to show you there's
87
00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:52,740
up my sleeve.
88
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:53,760
See?
89
00:05:54,380 --> 00:05:55,460
There is nothing up my sleeve.
90
00:05:58,020 --> 00:05:59,040
Here's a trick with the packed cards.
91
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,340
Just a moment, Mr Cooper.
92
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:02,980
Not the cards, please.
93
00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:04,140
Why not?
94
00:06:04,340 --> 00:06:07,020
Well, cards suggest gambling, and that's
one of the evils of our society. No,
95
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,160
I'd better get rid of those.
96
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:10,620
It's a family show, remember?
97
00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,780
A bunch of flowers, a pair of scissors,
watch very closely now. Stop, stop.
98
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,200
Now, watch better now. What are you
doing?
99
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,980
Well, just a bunch of flowers. Just a
bunch of flowers?
100
00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:23,500
Just a bunch of flowers?
101
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,640
And you're going to destroy them by
cutting their heads off with scissors?
102
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:27,900
Well, it's only a trick.
103
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,720
I mean, I'll go woof all of that, and
they'll appear back on there again. Oh,
104
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:31,780
murderer.
105
00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,430
Here's a gun. Now, watch very closely.
Stop!
106
00:06:39,070 --> 00:06:41,870
No guns. No, no. Guns definitely out.
That incites violence.
107
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:43,130
No, I can't take any more.
108
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,530
That's all I can take from you. What?
I've had enough. Right. Okay, thank you
109
00:06:46,530 --> 00:06:47,530
very much.
110
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:48,870
What are you doing?
111
00:06:49,010 --> 00:06:51,550
I've just had enough. What do you mean?
Hey! Oh, no!
112
00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:52,589
Oh, stop!
113
00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:54,290
Oh, Duke! Put me down!
114
00:06:57,150 --> 00:07:02,470
What's happened, mister?
115
00:07:02,910 --> 00:07:05,240
Who are those people? Well, that was my
wife and kids.
116
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,400
They always come to the studio.
117
00:07:08,660 --> 00:07:09,680
It's a family show, remember?
118
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,580
Other people's jobs.
119
00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:28,100
Welcome to Other People's Jobs, the
informative television feature which
120
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,620
young people to decide what they want to
do with their lives.
121
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:36,040
And this week we suggest some exciting
sports you can choose from, as we say,
122
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,640
you want to be a sportsman.
123
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,160
I'd like to see the all -in wrestling.
124
00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:47,420
Five shins?
125
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,020
Yes, certainly. Thank you very much.
126
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:59,060
And now for the winner of the
championship,
127
00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:00,460
the man who...
128
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,100
23 rounds, had thrown the most powerful
right hook in the history of fighting.
129
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,220
Rocky Figgins!
130
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:13,500
Oh,
131
00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:19,940
what's this for?
132
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,200
Oh, good luck.
133
00:08:23,060 --> 00:08:27,320
One, two, three, four, five.
134
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:28,900
Just a minute.
135
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:30,220
I'll do the counting.
136
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:31,620
Get a doctor.
137
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,539
I feel great.
138
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:41,860
Never been so fit in all my life.
139
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,280
All right, Cooper, you're on.
140
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:54,440
How are you feeling, Tom? Great, really
great.
141
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,080
All right, nice and loose. Ready?
142
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:01,470
Look at my opponent over there.
143
00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:03,010
Just look at him.
144
00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,550
His little short legs and flat head.
145
00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:07,810
That's the two.
146
00:09:09,610 --> 00:09:13,070
That woman told me you're doing great.
Lost six or seven rounds. He hasn't laid
147
00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:13,969
a glove on you.
148
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,070
No? Well, keep your eye on the referee.
149
00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:17,530
Somebody's hitting me.
150
00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:35,320
take you to a bridge somewhere in
London.
151
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,100
Quick, quick, there's a man in the
river.
152
00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:46,540
A man in the river? Yes.
153
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,640
Are you sure? Of course I'm sure.
154
00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:52,160
Who said that? He did.
155
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,420
Who did? The man in the river. I tell
you, there's a man in the river.
156
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:00,760
You're right, there is a man in the
river. Now, somebody ought to jump in
157
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:01,439
save him.
158
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,620
Do you know, I've just got to say that
myself.
159
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,400
Somebody should jump in there and save
him. Yeah, well, I would, but I can't
160
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,540
swim. You can't swim? No.
161
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,660
Well, it's easy. Look, just do this,
look. Put your hands like that first.
162
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:11,559
can't. Just try.
163
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:15,400
Just try. Do that, and then do that. Now
turn. I'll never learn. You will. Just
164
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,420
try. Like that. Turn, and like that.
That's it. Hold.
165
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:19,800
Go on. There, there.
166
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:21,460
That's it. Oh, no. Lovely.
167
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:24,160
Go on, like that. Now kick your leg like
that as well.
168
00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:25,380
Help!
169
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:26,960
He's coming. He's coming.
170
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:32,830
a born swimmer. Not so difficult, is it?
171
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,610
Now, keep going. Now, get on the ledge.
172
00:10:35,070 --> 00:10:36,009
I'm coming with you.
173
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,010
There you go.
174
00:10:37,550 --> 00:10:39,010
Now, jump in.
175
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,210
Oh, no, no.
176
00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:41,470
Oh,
177
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,830
I forgot to tell you. When you're doing
that, breathe in and out like that.
178
00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:51,310
Almost to get out. Oh, you're out.
179
00:10:53,370 --> 00:10:54,370
He's out.
180
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:55,570
Oh, good.
181
00:10:55,590 --> 00:10:56,790
It's all right. He's out.
182
00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:00,270
He jumped in to save you, you know.
183
00:11:00,590 --> 00:11:01,590
No, he's in trouble.
184
00:11:01,690 --> 00:11:02,609
Can you swim?
185
00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:03,910
No, of course I can't swim.
186
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:06,010
Well, no, it's easy. They just do that
and that.
187
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:09,010
Kick your leg like that at the same
time.
188
00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:10,430
See, like that.
189
00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:14,290
Oh, you're out now? Yes. Oh, look at the
time. I must be going.
190
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,590
Here, hang on a minute.
191
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,130
Can you swim?
192
00:11:17,590 --> 00:11:18,590
I'm a swimming instructor.
193
00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:20,470
Well, why didn't you jump in the river?
194
00:11:20,750 --> 00:11:21,750
It was my day off.
195
00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:28,770
In our studio this evening, we're very
proud and privileged to have with us...
196
00:11:28,990 --> 00:11:33,290
England's greatest naval hero, Admiral
Lord Horatio Nelson.
197
00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:46,190
I got the patch over the good eye again.
198
00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:49,770
Oh, good evening. Good evening.
199
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:53,830
First of all, may I ask you a question?
What do you regard as the most palpable
200
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:57,590
consequence of your victory at
Trafalgar? Was it A, the total
201
00:11:57,590 --> 00:12:02,110
Bonaparte's rapacious annexations, or B,
the resounding validation of British
202
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:03,290
nautical preeminence?
203
00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:04,530
Yes.
204
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:07,690
Yes what?
205
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,290
You can ask me a question.
206
00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:11,830
Yes. On the other hand... Yes?
207
00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,410
I've got four fingers and a thumb.
208
00:12:17,310 --> 00:12:20,130
Let me ask you about the Battle of
Trafalgar.
209
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:21,900
Oh! That was my famous victory.
210
00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:23,860
You took the words out of my mouth.
211
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:25,360
I'm sorry, I didn't know you were
friends with him.
212
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,460
Although at Trafalgar you were
outnumbered 33 to 27, you still managed
213
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:31,900
Now, what do you put that down to?
214
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,240
Expenses.
215
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:39,240
During the Trafalgar engagement, how did
you manage to divert the French and
216
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,240
Spanish warships? Ah, well, I had
something up my sleeve.
217
00:12:42,740 --> 00:12:43,880
You could have fooled me.
218
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:49,200
It's just a joke you see about your
sleeve.
219
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:52,060
There's no arm in it.
220
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:53,180
Do
221
00:12:53,180 --> 00:13:02,540
you
222
00:13:02,540 --> 00:13:04,440
know what I like about you? No, what?
Nothing.
223
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:12,120
It was during the Trafalgar engagement
that you sent off your most famous
224
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,720
message. England expects every man this
day to do his duty.
225
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,380
No, I didn't say that. No, what did you
say?
226
00:13:16,580 --> 00:13:18,810
I said... Boat 24 coming a half an
hour's up.
227
00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:28,510
And, uh, looking back on Trafalgar,
looking back on Trafalgar, what would
228
00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:30,230
have done if you'd been in Napoleon's
shoes?
229
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:31,810
Limp.
230
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:36,230
Now,
231
00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:41,310
earlier in your career, I believe you
went to the West Indies, and while
232
00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:43,730
I understand you came down with a very
rare tropical disease.
233
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:45,090
Yes, Joe Blaine's.
234
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,100
1993, you first met Lady Hamilton.
235
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:52,740
That's right. And do you know what she
said to me? No.
236
00:13:52,940 --> 00:13:53,940
Correct.
237
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:00,480
Please.
238
00:14:00,980 --> 00:14:02,080
Please, please, please.
239
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:03,560
No, no, no. That's what I said.
240
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,260
Please stop messing about.
241
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:07,560
That's what her husband said.
242
00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:13,240
Finally, Lord Horatio, I wonder if you
have any advice for any young viewers
243
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,100
may be watching and may be considering
taking up a naval career.
244
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,440
Certainly.
245
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,240
Boys, I think there's no greater life
than the sea. To feel the salt spray
246
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:24,880
coming over you and the deck heaving
under your feet and the waves going up
247
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,660
down, getting higher and higher, and
you're going up and down.
248
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:30,500
Up and down.
249
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,340
Up and down.
250
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,340
Up and down.
251
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,280
Up and down.
252
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:37,640
Up and down.
253
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,460
Great discoveries of our time.
254
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:46,300
Tonight we salute the greatest force
ever harnessed by man, electricity.
255
00:14:53,310 --> 00:14:56,230
Good morning, madam. I come to read to
me, sir. Oh, yes, you know where it is.
256
00:14:56,410 --> 00:14:57,410
Yes, thank you.
257
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:10,590
Now, once upon a time...
258
00:15:10,590 --> 00:15:17,330
Well, sir, madam, have you
259
00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:19,030
decided which fridge you prefer?
260
00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,380
Well, we like the larger one really, but
before deciding definitely, I think
261
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:26,880
we'd like to sleep on it. Of course,
naturally.
262
00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:34,960
Excuse me, could you show me how this
electric cooker works?
263
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,220
Oh, it's not electric, madam.
264
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,060
It works on North Sea gas.
265
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,280
Look, I'll show you.
266
00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:53,430
Good morning, madam. I'm from the
electricity board. I believe you made a
267
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:55,190
over your last bill. Yes, that's right.
268
00:15:55,430 --> 00:15:58,050
Well, if there's any trouble, they
always send me along to settle it.
269
00:15:58,590 --> 00:15:59,810
Oh, God.
270
00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:05,270
Can you take recorder, Tommy? Yes.
271
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:06,630
Great.
272
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:07,730
I'll play it for you.
273
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:12,550
Dear Mum, I'm fine. Love, Tommy.
274
00:16:13,530 --> 00:16:14,530
I'll play it back for you.
275
00:16:32,330 --> 00:16:33,730
Show the brightness down a bit, will
you?
276
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,230
What are you doing, love?
277
00:16:38,970 --> 00:16:41,950
Oh, it's all right, love. I'm just
wiring up your mum's Christmas present.
278
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:52,070
Oh, you haven't put the light out.
279
00:16:52,690 --> 00:16:53,690
Well, it's your turn.
280
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:56,110
No, it isn't. Now, go on, put the light
out.
281
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:57,550
Well, all right, then.
282
00:17:11,790 --> 00:17:12,790
Good morning, madam.
283
00:17:12,869 --> 00:17:14,930
I've come to look at your meter. Oh,
there it is.
284
00:17:15,170 --> 00:17:16,170
Oh, thank you.
285
00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:22,589
What's that electricity meter for?
286
00:17:23,089 --> 00:17:24,089
I'm from the gas board.
287
00:17:44,259 --> 00:17:48,340
At last, at last, now for my experiment.
288
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:52,320
Today I'm going to show them that they
were wrong when they laughed at me at
289
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:58,220
university because I said that man had
two natures, one good and one evil, and
290
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:00,120
that there must be some way of releasing
the evil.
291
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,340
They laughed at Gladstone, but he went
ahead and invented the bag.
292
00:18:06,140 --> 00:18:08,820
They laughed at Wellington when he
invented the boot.
293
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,360
They even laughed at Jock.
294
00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:23,620
This potion will make me bigger.
295
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:24,820
More powerful.
296
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,100
More evil.
297
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:32,940
Have
298
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:42,600
you
299
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,380
ever had one of those days when nothing
seemed to go right?
300
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,440
I don't understand.
301
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:16,819
quiz. A little quiz.
302
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,020
What popular game is this?
303
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:22,100
Greetings, salutations, and may your
poppadoms never perish.
304
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:24,540
Well, did you get it?
305
00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:26,420
Hide and seek.
306
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,900
I'm a new man now. I don't look.
307
00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:34,180
I look in the mirror.
308
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,160
That's the wrong mirror.
309
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,199
I've got no head.
310
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:41,200
Oh, it's the wrong way around.
311
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,780
Mirror, mirror in the hand.
312
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,420
Who's the is in the land.
313
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,500
Well, that's a silly question.
314
00:19:51,740 --> 00:19:52,740
Oh, it's hot in here.
315
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:58,200
That's my fiancée. She mustn't see me
like this.
316
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,840
beyond the forbidden bounds where no man
has dared to venture. How could I
317
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:31,160
forget? No, no, no, no.
318
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,480
Today, I have made the greatest
discovery since Madame Curie discovered
319
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:41,920
and since Michael Miles invented tedium.
320
00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:48,660
I'll show you, Alice.
321
00:20:51,860 --> 00:20:52,860
Oh.
322
00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:54,900
Now, in a moment, you shall see.
323
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:15,380
I didn't write it.
324
00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:17,160
But I came to see the doctor.
325
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,300
Well, I'm his assistant, Mr Hyde.
326
00:21:19,540 --> 00:21:22,400
Are you a qualified doctor?
327
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:23,980
Of course I'm qualified.
328
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,080
I go to six hospitals a week.
329
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:27,780
I'm a very sick doctor.
330
00:21:29,340 --> 00:21:31,560
I'll examine you. Oh, please do, doctor.
331
00:21:31,820 --> 00:21:34,300
Because every time I do this, it hurts.
332
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:35,520
Well, don't do it.
333
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:38,540
Cough. Cough.
334
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,019
And again.
335
00:21:40,020 --> 00:21:41,060
Got a nasty cough there.
336
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,520
into the covers and you get green
stamps.
337
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:46,620
What sort of medicine will I get?
338
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:47,840
I've just told you, green stamps.
339
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,880
But what good will they do my spots?
340
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,260
Well, you can cover them all over with
green stamps.
341
00:21:52,620 --> 00:21:55,020
But what happens when I'm covered all
over in green stamps?
342
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,720
Well, then I hand you in for a frying
pan.
343
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,040
Take this out for breakfast.
344
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:02,939
What is it?
345
00:22:02,940 --> 00:22:03,940
Lunch. Oh.
346
00:22:04,980 --> 00:22:05,980
Right, next.
347
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,300
Come on, get on with it, you great fool.
348
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:09,560
All right, all right, all right.
349
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:10,720
Right, it's Jekyll's turn now.
350
00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:12,700
Where's the lotion?
351
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:13,720
Where's the recipe?
352
00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:16,180
Get on with it.
353
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:25,980
What have
354
00:22:25,980 --> 00:22:31,740
I done? What have I done?
355
00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:38,420
This vile liquid courses through my
every vein.
356
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,900
Oh, that this too -too -solid flesh
would melt.
357
00:22:42,909 --> 00:22:45,750
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew.
358
00:22:46,990 --> 00:22:48,070
My life is done.
359
00:22:48,690 --> 00:22:51,450
My race is run, so told the ghostly
bell.
360
00:22:52,030 --> 00:22:53,250
My end is nigh.
361
00:22:54,130 --> 00:22:56,530
Yet ere I die, I cry.
362
00:22:57,190 --> 00:22:58,250
Oh, flipping hell.
363
00:23:00,210 --> 00:23:03,830
But you're supposed to be my alter ego,
my other self. How can we both be here
364
00:23:03,830 --> 00:23:04,829
at the same time?
365
00:23:04,830 --> 00:23:07,290
Well, if I wasn't here, how could we do
the song?
366
00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:08,870
After you.
367
00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:10,769
I'm Dr.
368
00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:11,770
Jenkins.
369
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,740
You've been welcomed to the show. And
I've reached a brand new low.
370
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,260
Absolutely, Dr. Jeff.
371
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:22,840
Positively.
372
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:51,920
Yeah.
28106
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof