All language subtitles for the_tuckers_s01e03

So your insurance came through then,
Clint?

Yeah, it paid up quick. I was lucky.

Look, I've nothing to do with it. You
play Skittles with Johnny the Prudential

every Thursday.

That didn't help me.

You threatened to have Billy and Bobby
dump him naked on the beacons if you

didn't push it through.

Yeah, that did help me.

Anyway, I've got something for you.

It came in the post last week.

Delivered to mine by mistake.

I've been meaning to... What the hell
was that?

That's my new security system.

Anybody who comes within five foot of
this little baby is goodnight Vienna.

Anyway, Shakira's party's at three o
'clock.

So I want this to be the best party
ever.

Got it?

Fine.

No one touches a Batmobile.

Someone has shot me.

Eh? This is from the Department of Work
and Pensions.

I'm being inspected.

When? This afternoon.

They're going to stop my invalidity.
What's rightfully mine.

But you can walk, Dad.

Yeah, but if they do that, your benefits
as my carer will go too.

Bastard!

I tell you what, this universal credit,
it's an absolute joke.

You know, you've got to be actively
looking for work. What work is there

you? The window in the job centre, it's
emptier than Bobby's head. He's no

wrong, Nan.

Big corporations.

That's what they ought to go after. You
know, millions in tax.

Millions they owe. Tax.

Millions. Why come after us? What about
me?

Me? Why after me? What have I ever done?

Nothing. That's the point.

What chance do I have with you as a
mother?

Oh, here we go. I was the only kid in
school with bingo markers instead of

They worked. I had no support.

I came to that school sports day, didn't
I?

Yeah. You set up a tent and started
reading palms.

We needed to pay the electric.

The police had to come and escort you
out. I was so embarrassed.

You are an embarrassment. You're a
bloody embarrassment to me.

We'll all go under without that money,
Dad.

What are we going to do?

I got the big one, like I said.

What happened to you?

Even I thought you'd win that fight.

Well, you surprised me. I wasn't
expecting a southpaw. He had one arm

What else could he be?

Where do you want her? Usual place?

Yeah, hook's still up from last year.

She loves a pinnater, doesn't she? Yeah.

Ever since she was a toddler.

Yeah. It's a family tradition now.
That's how parties should be, shouldn't

A tradition, family, just families like.
No one else, just close family. Don't

you think?

Roberto's busy at work today. All right?
He won't be coming.

He'll calm down and cut the flan off.

That'll be lush. Why's she come in?
She's not family.

Cupcakes. Cupcakes.

She's the cupcake queen, isn't she? I
want this party to be special. Yeah, but

she gets on my tits. I mean, all this.

Hiya. Oh, that's lush. This is lush.

She doesn't do that so much now.

Hiya.

Hiya.

Oh, my God. It's totally lush.

You've had it painted in you, haven't
you, Nath?

It's proper lush. I love lilac. It's
such a lush colour.

Hi, Bob.

Right. Yeah.

Lush.

Say my friend.

Jack.

Blanket.

Jack. Hot water bottle.

Jack. Grabber.

Jack.

Sunglasses.

Jack.

Walking stick.

Couldn't find it, but I think the Zimmer
and Scooter do enough.

Do enough?

Oh, you think so, do you?

Sit down.

Huh? Sit down, take a seat.

Pretend to be me.

Hello, Mr Tucker. I see you've got a
mobility scooter outside.

Uh, yeah.

And, uh, how'd you get to it?

Um, on my Zimmer frame. And how'd you
get your Zimmer frame?

Well, I keep it by me.

Yes, but what if, for example, you were
to fall asleep in your chair and a

member of your family was to... Ooh.

That's an innocent mistake.

Could easily happen.

Do you think you could reach it?

No, I don't... Good, good. You fly, Mr
Tucker?

Quite. You can't, sir. How would you get
to it, Mr Tucker? Don't lie to me now.

You tell me the truth. How would you get
to it? Do not lie. How would you? All

right, I walk. I walk to it.

How's our social down the pan? Oh, God,
what have I done?

I... I'm sorry, boy.

I didn't like having to do that to you.

But these people from work and pensions,
you know, they're not human.

They haven't got feelings.

They haven't got hearts.

Now, if we show one chink in our armour,
they'll have us up there washing cars

with those little Latvians in the Asda
car park. The poor bastards.

A 5F in and out.

A wet arse, frozen fingers all day. Do
you want that?

No. So what are you going to do?

I'm going to get you a walk -in stick.

Plate's out. What's next?

Get on with the buttering. I'll get the
balloons.

Listen, Bobs, I know that Natalie's my
best friend and she's totally lush and

everything. Right.

But I want you to know that I think what
she's doing is wrong.

Huh?

Splitting up your family like this, even
if it is the best sex she's ever had.

Well, she said that.

Well, she said it was totally lush.

I can imagine.

But it doesn't seem right.

And if you ever want to chat, I want you
to know that I'm here for both of you.

I'm a really good listener.

You're all right.

Huh?

I'm fine.

Hey, I can't find the signal from Dr
Khaled. Now, without that, we're bigger

than we've seen it.

Ma 'am?

We're not talking.

Since when?

Since I'm an embarrassment to you.

Oh, get over it.

Your own cow and mam, you potty -mouthed
geth. Hey, look, I need that now.

This is going to affect us all, this is.

Mam!

Mam!

What? What is this? Tell this lump of
lard I am not in charge of his

Tell my mother she had a glass in a big
red folder.

Tell him it's a purple folder and he can
stick it up his arse for all I care.

Stop it!

It's Shakira's big day today and you two
are not going to spoil it for her.

Oh, that's fine. If you want to be
childish, write it down. That's

fine.

Thank you.

I am not a baldy bastard.

Stress, that is.

That is stress.

Please tell me where my letter is.

24,

25, 26, 27, 28. What are you doing?

Oh, there should only be 30 to a plate.

One, two, three. What are you doing
here?

I thought you were working.

You look lovely.

Got us some panadoni.

Yeah, I cancelled my appointment. I want
to do something nice for Shakira.

All right, Lush.

Ciao, Bobby.

What's Alice in Wonderland doing here?

Bobby? It's fine, Natalie.

I'm fine.

Just family, you said? No outsiders?

I just want to make it a special day for
Shakira.

Well, sod off back to Cardiff and it
will be.

Try and express yourself without
swearing, Bobby. You know, I think

it quite fulfilling.

Oh, piss off.

You two, cut it out.

Boil this for her and I'll stick that
panettone with a sun -done shine for

of you.

Oh, that means cake.

Delicious.

There he goes again. Stop it.

Both of you.

You can either help out or ship out.

Your choice.

Good.

Now get useful and blow them balloons
up.

Hey, you're going to let me off this
party. No way. You're her grandpa, Glyn.

She loves you.

She thinks I'm an idiot. Did you know
that?

No one is going to spoil this party for
her.

No, no. The social economy up the
street. I cannot find the doctor's

Take this to Murphy.

Don't want him missing out.

How did he get out of it?

Don't spoil it now, Glyn.

Ah, don't worry, Bobby.

Size isn't everything.

You two, enough.

Get in the kitchen and finish the
sandwiches.

No problem. Yeah, leave it to me.

Can you help me find the mustard, Bobby?

I like a thin layer on my ham.

You be careful with that, bud.

You don't want to blow your wig off.

Oh, I like it hot.

Me too.

I'm a valley boy.

I don't call it down with harm.

Roberto, back on balloons.

What the hell are you playing at?

You want Nats back. You've got to show
her that you're the man.

Not a big kid like him.

Spooning Malta down, you want, do we?

Got it?

Put your tongue back in your head when
you're talking to me.

It's not a good look.

Better.

When I was 14, skiing.

13, robbing.

Four years ago, I've been working in a
kibbutz.

Three years ago, working in Porthcawl.

Oi!

It's an 11th birthday party, not a
pissing contest, boys.

Yeah, put your shirt down, bud.

You cover up too, Bobs.

Trying to concentrate on my cupcakes
here.

Oh, that looks nice, Peg.

None for Glyn. Tell him. I found it. No
thanks to you. You two got to make it

up, men. I got enough to put up with
with those two in the kitchen.

That'll be Shakira. Quick.

Aight. Quick.

Aight. Aight, everyone, move.

Come on. All right.

Surprise!

Aight. For Christ's sake, Billy.

Quick, get back. Move, move, move.

I don't want you to grow up.

You're my special girl.

I love you more than anything in the
world.

Well, take the present. Here we are.

Mine first, mine first.

Yeah, get on with it, love.

Yeah, what do you think?

I'll let you know in six years when
they're grown to it.

Fantastic. Right, that's me off, then.

You don't stay for cake.

I'll catch your balls off with a spoon.

Right, anyone for cake?

For a month o 'clock. He's not here,
Uncle.

An adjustable spanner?

Honestly, the bloke's a joke.

Happy birthday, Pinchy. Best of.

Hope you like it.

Oh, thanks for better.

Autumn!

It's a 24 -carat Sicilian, so... Are you
next, Bobby?

Huh? Well, you're present.

It's not here yet. It's on its way.

I'm just waiting for Clark to deliver
it.

It's from Clark.

You're kidding me.

What is it, a workbench?

I'll get it.

Stop being a dickhead.

Ah, hello. I wonder if you could help
me. I've been trying next door for a

while. Have you seen them leave today?

No. They're all in... In a party mood,
yeah?

I mean, I wouldn't have heard them
anyway.

I don't know them very well.

I'm looking for a Glyn Tucker, you see.
Glyn Tucker, you see?

What do you want him for?

I don't think they could have gone very
far. I don't think Mr Tucker can get

about these days. He's totally immobile.

His son will have to look after him now.

I've been there now.

I hope so.

Walk, walk, walk and speak.

Why do you keep shouting?

Do I?

I work in a band.

As a drummer.

Do you mind if I ask your name, sir?

Mine.

Letter, letter, letter.

Sorry, was someone knocking? I was
having a shit.

Thanks for your time.

We have an appointment at 3 .30.

I'm Billy, Mr Tucker's carer.

Sorry I said the word shit just now,
sir.

I was actually just taking a poo.

Anyway, thank goodness you're here.

Please, come in.

Thank you, neighbour.

You're welcome.

There he is.

Dad?

He's the nice man from the council.

Sorry, sir.

We're going to have to shut the front
door.

He's no use to the daylight.

Hello, Mr Tucker.

I'm Mr Jarrett from the Department of
Work and Pensions.

How are you today?

He's as well as can be expected, sir.

But he can't speak for himself?

He's passed from all the coughing at
night, you see, sir.

He's as weak as...

A little getter.

Please, take a seat, sir.

Shouldn't we get him a handkerchief?

Let's leave him. He likes to be
independent.

Bourneville? No.

The reason I am here is... What is it,
Dad?

He gets so cold, you see, sir.

No circulation because he doesn't move.

How does he get to his scooter outside?

With this, of course.

He can't fly, can he?

Anyway, the reason I'm here is that it
seems from your bank statements that you

have a direct debit that comes out every
month, Mr Tucker.

What if he does? To the Skittles Club.

And when I checked with the Skittles
Club, they confirmed that a Mr G. Tucker

a member.

Oh.

Why didn't you say?

Well, Dad takes that out every month for
me.

Or my birthday present.

I'm Mr. B. Tucker.

They must have missed you on the phone.

It's been coming out for 25 years.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Started when I was three.

Love skittles me.

I'll need to see your doctor's papers.

It don't make happy reading, sir.

Dr. Carlet says he's never seen a chest
like my father's. Has he, Dad?

Oh, is he going to do that thing again
in his handkerchief?

Oh, you should have seen what come off
his chest last night, sir.

You could have hung wallpaper with it.

Oh, I'm ready.

Just thought this would help me a
little.

What are you doing?

Time to clean my father's haemorrhoids.

It gets a bit messy, but you just relax.

No. Right, Dad?

On your knees?

Your father is obviously a very unwell
man. This must be an administrative

error.

I'll see myself out.

We

did

it.

I know. We bloody did it. I know, I
know. We had it. We had it.

Buddy, that was real. I rarely say this,
right? But I am proud of you.

Bloody proud of you.

You've never said it.

Yeah, but I said it just now. I said it,
didn't I?

Here. Come on.

Hey. Here.

All right, leave it now.

Leave it.

We are winners today.

Parties!

Where the hell is she being at present?

I'm stuck in traffic.

Well, step on it. I'm looking like a
right mug, yeah?

Of course we did.

We're the tuckers, aren't we?

Well done, boy.

Well done.

Let me try a few gorgeous.

Ike, Goldilocks.

Out the way for a daddy.

Sorry, I've got to get this.

Come on, everybody.

There you go, Prince Yvette.

Party time. Let's celebrate.

Could have bloody wrapped it.

The name's Clock, not Santa. Bastard.
Closed.

That's 40 quid, remember?

Some bugger's on the rope.

Your benefits will stop with immediate
effect.

Good day, Mr. Tucker.

You soppy, useless, fat git.

Are we talking again, are we?

What is it, Dad?

It's nothing much, and I can take it
back if you don't like it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! The snake!

My very own snake at last!

You're the best dad ever!

You wait till I tell Rich Thomas.

That was beautiful, Bobby.

You know your daughter was really in her
heart, and

that's very attractive.

Huh?

Nats might have chosen Roberto with his
great job and perfect smile, amazing

hair, and Matthew. Yeah, all right. I
get your point.

But I think she was wrong.

Because I've been watching you, Bobby
Tucker.

Why?

It's not just the icing that makes a
cupcake less.

It's the cake underneath as well.

What cake are you on about?

You only get one crack at life, Bobby.

You have to forget what's behind you and
see what's in front of you.

I've only just realised that.

It's in your hand now.

My little cupcake.

Come and look at my sugars.

For Christ's sake, Glenn, it's only a
snake.

Yeah, exactly.

It's a snake. That's my phobia. You all
know that.

Do you want to hold him? Son of a... Go
back. Back.

I tell you this now.

I tell you all for nothing.

Either that snake goes or I go.

Right, John.

Off you go, then.

Late at that.

I know and I'm going to call him now.

Glenn.

Night long.

Night.

Be back tomorrow with more stuff.

Not long now.