All language subtitles for the_rich_and_the_ruthless_s03e02

The rich and the ruthless.

Brought to you by Trigger and Tramble
and the WNB Network.

Delivering truth, not fluff.

We keep you clinging to a cliff while
inspiring you during commercials to keep

your laundry white and those chocolate
cakes moist.

20 years of aspirational escapism from
your own damn dirty problem.

Well,

well, well.

This looks rather cozy.

Am I getting paroled, Edith? I heard
there's big problems with Fin Fang in

York. I've handled that. Why don't you
sit down?

There is a reason, after all, that I'm
head of daytime.

Anyway, this won't take long.

Yeah, we wanted to reward you.

Reward me? Reward me with what? A
daughter.

A daughter?

What daughter?

Okay, so, Larry, you know, I'm on
vacation. I don't like doing business

on vacation.

All right, give me your best shot. What
is it? I'm sorry, sir, but our soap

audience consists of primarily black and
Hispanic women, and their incomes show

no sign of slowing down.

Oh, well, yeah, but if that loudmouth
would stop blabbing about it every

she gets, no one would know. Our ad
agency says this is not a sexy stat to

broadcasting.

But if our viewers buy the trick during
Trammell Detergent we advertised during

the show, who cares? Who cares?

Larry, I cannot have the Barringers
knowing that they sell more soap than

other daytime show I have on the air.

As it is, Augustus is demanding a bigger
portion of everything.

Calista, you look like you've seen a
ghost.

Uh, water?

I'm cool, thank you.

Yeah, Edith suggested, why not keep it
all in the family?

Hmm, Edith thought.

Family, what family?

Yes, to cultivate our network diversity
motto.

It's, um, be careful who you hate,
because it might be someone bringing

Right, right, right, yes. And she came
right to our doorstep, literally

the bread.

Literally. And I intend on making her a
Bolenstein star.

Ah, yeah, of course.

I just wish somebody would have given me
a heads up that I was committing soap

opera suicide.

Don't be so short -sighted. Yes, it's
true she's never acted a day before in

life, but that doesn't matter.

She's going to cut her teeth on a pro
like you.

Yeah, look what those did for Morgan
Freeman.

Right. Morgan Freeman.

You know, Larry, I tried canceling that
show a long time ago, years ago, but

Augustus went to the NAACP, can you
believe?

Oh, my goodness, disgusting.

Disgusting. Nearly cost me my job and my
marriage to Fan Fan.

How so, sir? Well, I needed that studio
for her show.

Let your fingers do the walking.

Walking? Oh, no, I see.

But I'm telling you, Larry, it's that
color girl that's stuck in my craw, even

on vacation. Oh, the color girl. You
mean Callista Jeffries? Yeah. Oh. Yeah,

yeah, Callista Jeffries.

I had to warn all my industry buddies
that if they dared to hire Calista

on any one of their shows, I would crush
all of their actors, their directors,

what, their writers, their set dressers,
everybody, I'm telling you, Larry.

Yeah.

So, does your dad know about this?

Uh, not yet, but he's in meetings in the
boardroom. Bottom line, I oversee

daytime.

And I'm going to put all my network
weight behind this.

Yeah, you could finally get a shot at
that Sundsies award. That's right. And

you behave, maybe I can make that happen
for you.

Now, let's get to this dope new
storyline for you.

So, just the world on the same page. Out
of thin air, I got a kid.

Don't worry about all of that. The
writers will take care of that.

Bottom line, network tested her.

She's hired. Yeah. This is happening
right after the fan club cruise. Right.

Fostering young talent. It's part of
what we do here at the network.

Mm -hmm.

Cut to the skinny guy. Who is she?

We squeezed her as hard as we could.
Yeah.

Yeah, but that freaking girl, she made a
Teflon. Yeah, we even tried the

recaster, but the fans weren't having
it, and neither was Augustus. Now, about

Max and the stock acquisition, sir, I
was dead. And then Kalista completely

upstaged my wife with her collard green
stir fry, and she went

on and on about color girl magic.

Black girl magic.

It was black girl magic, Larry.
Horrible.

Well, we'll see how much magic she has
left when I get done with her.

Ivy.

Warm in here.

I'm telling you, Fen Fang was freaking
furious.

Freaking furious.

We haven't had sex since, Larry. Sounds
serious.

Make Calista's life hell, Larry.

Everywhere. I want my wife back. Sir,
sir. Have no worry. One step ahead of

sir. How dare she say that the network
is unfair to you people? I mean, look

what I've done for you, Larry. Look who
I'm married to, for Christ's sakes.

Oh, Larry, I mean, I'm asking you, who
is the real victim here? I have so

many things to worry about. What with
sinking ratings and soaring production

costs, not to mention the regular daily
sexual harassment indictment.

Oh, yes, sir.

Well, maybe I should rethink buying
Max's shares.

What do you think? No, no, no, no. Why?
Why? His mother is putting in his hands.

Listen, Max just needs the right
opportunity, sir. Oh, well, what if he

his mind? Oh, no, he won't. Max plans to
get enough of Kitty's shares to tip the

scales in our favor.

Oh. But we'll have to pay him something
to avoid blackmail for now.

Oh, Larry, you are good.

You are good.

Thank you, sir.

Well, if your powers of persuasion have
convinced Max

Productions to sell shares of
Barringer's to us, and if he really

believes that we'll finance his
ridiculous movies, well, Larry,

I think you have earned your bonus.

But at all costs, make sure it looks
like the blacks still run that

blasted soap. The last thing I need is
Maxine Waters protesting on my front

lawn. Listen, sir, just leave all the
prickly details to me. Same offshore

like before?

Yep. Yep.

You think of everything, Larry.

Though I have to admit, it still feels a
bit awkward working at this level

with a black man.

Yes. Oh, okay. Yes. I mean, I remember
thinking.

Failure was imminent when you walked
through the door. But, Larry, I mean,

have removed all doubt.

And you have become my number one fixer.
It's a privilege.

I've always admired the way you can put
capital gains before conscience.

It's a gift.

So we'll celebrate the stock acquisition
of a Thanksgiving dinner in Malibu?

Hmm?

Hmm? Oh, yeah, about that.

After Fensang found Augustus fingering
over Picasso last year, she

drew the line, no more mashed potatoes
in Malibu. Oh.

Well, okay.

Are we done?

Oh, one more thing, sir, about my
promotion.

I think I hear my mother calling me.

Oh, okay.

Discuss it another time.

Didn't know your mother was alive, sir.

Wow.

Willie, I need you to give me that cup.

Well, you said I could have it. Yeah,
but bookkeeping said it is too

and I need to return it.

Bookkeeping my eye.

Now, I don't see you shaking down Derek
and Phillip over their little costumes

all out in public. It's just not right.

You know, this is harassment of a
different sort. Yeah, yeah. And I'm

tell Veronica. Fine, fine. You just
better make sure the price tag is still

attached. You used to be so nice. Well,
a lot of things used to be nice until

soap operas went on life support.

Thank you. Excuse me.

Where's your pants, Willie?

In your wallet, neck bone.

Anyway, Augustus needs to see you. He's
in the boardroom.

He says it's urgent.

Urgent my biscuit.

Y 'all just want to hold a black man
down.

We don't, Willie.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I can't do this
anymore, Snuggle Bunny. I can't. I'm

so hard to be faithful with Allison. I
had so much to lose. Come on.

I messed up again. I just... I just... I
guess I missed that red, hairy chest

and those big, muscular arms around my
teeny, tiny waist making me feel safe.

Really?

Yes. I've just been feeling so, so
lonely and paranoid, Randy, ever

I get these nightmares ever since my ex
nearly killed me at your renewal vows

ceremony with Allison. I know. I tried
to rescue. And then Derek comes in and,

you know, beats me to it. No, it's...
Anyway, we're past that now. And, look,

and Roger's in jail and you're safe
and... I know. I just... I thought that

could, you know, to calm me down. But I
guess I'm just a fool for wishes.

No, we could work something out. Just,
uh... Um...

You do miss that naughty little thing
you used to do. I miss it, too.

No, but I got to go to a meeting, so...
Oh,

whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm in, I'm in.

I'm really disappointed in you, Fern.

I know, sir. I'm sorry, but, um, take
your chance at the airline. Just call it

out of the blue, and you know how I need
the extra money.

I depend on you, Fern, as my secretary.

To have you flying off during the fan
club cruise is extremely inconvenient.

I know, but you knew I was a part -time
flight attendant.

Who gave you a full -time job when Take
Your Chances Airlines put you on

probation for joining the Mile High Club
with your captain, huh?

Uh, you did, sir, but that was a long
time ago, and funny how the captain kept

his job.

Knock, knock.

Who's there? The daytime actor, Philip
McQueen, I thought. I had a meeting with

Augustus Berenger. Yes, Philip, yes.
Have a seat.

Safe flight, Fern.

Thank you, sir, and...

Smooth sailing to you, too.

This better be important, Philip.

I've got loose ends to tie up.

Speaking of rich, I think I should stay
back this year.

Let the newbies on the show bask in the
glory of soap opera stardom for a

change. That was very generous of you,
Philip.

But I need you on the yacht. You're an
important part of the Arnor family.

I wish I felt that way.

Seeing Derek on billboards promoting the
latest Steven Seagal action movie

and... Kurt on cereal boxes everywhere.
I can't escape feeling a bit

diminished.

I don't follow.

Give me back my old vampire storyline.

I hate working with Emmy.

But the audience is crazy about the love
triangle between you, Emmy, and Kurt.

Besides, furthermore, I see no animus
between you and Emmy. Because I am a

thespian, that's why.

I'll think about it.

And have you heard that Willie is back
on... Wait, don't say it. Cue cards.

Just say it.

All right. Which is why I shortened his
dialogue to two sentences of grunts and

repeating after you.

Good day, Phillip.

See you on the boat.

What the hell?

It's like Camp David around here. People
all in and out of here. This old firm

go out on a scooter. What was he doing
here? Yes, yes. Have a seat, Willie.

As you know, the fan club cruise is
tomorrow.

Whoa! Yes, and I am ready. Got my brims
and my outfits all laid out. I'm going

to put a spell on them ladies from 2452.
That's my demographic.

Willie, would you say I've been fair to
you all these years?

No, not lately.

Did you make a living?

Barely. Had to string together six
characters just to make ends meet.

That's what I wanted to talk to you
about.

I'm making a big storyline change where
you're concerned.

Cut me out like a chicken gives a...

Oh, man.

Show business cold -blooded. But I
didn't expect you to do me like this,

Not after all the great parts I gave
you. After I gave you my best judge.

I gave you my best thug. I gave you my
best background woman.

I gave you my best butler, my best
gardener. Willie, I'd like to have

with my family, probably tonight.

All right, go on then. Go on. But when's
my last day? I want to go sign for my

unemployment. I'm giving you a love
interest.

Whoo!

What? Hey, wait a minute. Good kooka
-mooka. Hot!

diggity dog.

Wait a minute. You need more space in
here. Listen.

After 20 years of soap opera
celebration, I'm finally going to get my

afternoon delight.

And a fighting chance of the Sudsy
Award.

The Sudsy.

You know, I just feel bad.

I feel bad about all the bad stuff I
said to you. I just feel terrible about

that. I'm going to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You know, I'm acting all
crazy and everything, like I'm going

some mental changes or something. But I
take it all back. Take every word back.

In fact, I love you. In fact, I respect
you.

I take a rubber bullet for you. And you
know that.

Sure, Willie. No, no, no. I mean, you
was always there for me, giving me

chance every time I messed up.

I understand you, Willie. I know how
much this job means to you, because

it, you'd be... Homeless. Or back to
flipping advertising boards for Roscoe's

Chicken and Waffle.

Stood by me thick and thin.

Who got that double boot off your rental
last week? Ha!

You did.

And also, you paid for it, too, by
garnishing my wages so you got your

back. Well, I'm successful for a reason.
That's right.

Now, about that love interest.

Oh, my.

I know it's going to be a good one. It's
going to be a sexy penderoni, man.

Come on with it. What you got for me? I
know you got something sexy, something

sweet. What?

Who?

And you two can start rehearsing right
now.

A .B., wait. Hold up now.

A .B., hold him up. A .B., don't leave
me. No.

Our storyline's going to be front
burner, Willie.

And don't worry, no colostomy bag to
camouflage.

Dinky, dinky colostomy bag.

And I got my Hershey Highway fixed.

Wait a minute. Just think about this
storyline. An interracial couple on

TV. Come on, I don't want to get a bunch
of hate mail, Maeve. Don't worry.

Back in the 60s when I was on Petticoat
Junction, I kissed this big, big

black guy and nobody said nothing.

Because they cut that scene, Maeve.

They did?

Yeah. Oh.

I'm starting to get a fever.

Oh, whoa.

Who cares?

Give me the illness.

There's nothing gonna stop me from
rehearsing our love scenes.

Why? Well, because I'm rusty.

I haven't had a good poke in the
whiskers in years.

Tongue or no tongue?

No, no, no, hold up, hold up, hold up.
Now, wait, wait, wait. I believe in

spontaneity. And I believe in being
prepared.

Oh, I'm tired of...

Sucking on my forearm.

Got a nasty hickey.

No, no, no, wait. Let's just look at
this storyline. Is it really believable?

Huh? Yeah, come on. An elderly white
heiress falls in love with her young

black gardener. Oh, to all ages, love

surrenders.

And to be honest...

I kiss a toad to stay on the air.

Now, let's practice.

What do you mean you tried?

Tamara wouldn't let me change her
paintings. She said there was no time

set dressing.

So why didn't you call me, huh?

You have any idea how important it was
to have that artwork hanging in Maeve

Allison's scene today?

Sorry. How am I going to sell the art if
it ain't on the damn wall?

Look, don't act like you don't know how
this Fordy thing works and how you get

paid. All my clients care about is what
day and what scene to watch so they can

see the art I'm putting up for sale.

Yes, sir.

How are they going to bid on the black
market, huh?

Yes, sir. I just think I'm going through
a rough patch with my mom and I'm

calling my dad back on the pen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for breaking parole, I
know. You see this? The tiniest violin

on the planet, all right?

Happens again, sorry won't cut it.

Okay.

Do you think the paintings had anything
to do with my mom's hit and run?

Man, I ain't got time to stand here
playing detective with you.

Fix it, or I'm going to fix you.