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1
00:00:04,990 --> 00:00:09,950
My dreams are all dead and buried
2
00:00:09,950 --> 00:00:16,710
So it's hard to wish the sun would just
explode When
3
00:00:16,710 --> 00:00:21,930
God comes and calls me to his kingdom
4
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:27,850
I'll take all you sons of bitches when I
go.
5
00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:29,689
Hi, sir.
6
00:00:29,690 --> 00:00:32,810
Hey, let me drive that thing. Come on.
Cut the trim.
7
00:00:35,150 --> 00:00:38,750
Hey, y 'all. This is Rusty Collar. And
I'm going to bungee jump off this bell
8
00:00:38,750 --> 00:00:40,410
tower in the back of that pickup truck.
9
00:00:40,630 --> 00:00:43,410
And my granny down there, she's going to
flip that truck over that pickup truck.
10
00:00:44,550 --> 00:00:48,950
Thank you, Rusty. So hit me up with some
likes and subscribe to my channel
11
00:00:48,950 --> 00:00:51,150
because somebody told me this is how you
make some damn money.
12
00:00:51,370 --> 00:00:52,370
I'm out, bitches.
13
00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:07,370
I thought a bungee cord was supposed to
snap back. It's a freaking rope, dude.
14
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:08,750
You gotta watch it.
15
00:01:09,390 --> 00:01:10,990
No, no, no, no.
16
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:14,630
No, no, no.
17
00:01:15,370 --> 00:01:16,370
Headly naked.
18
00:01:20,110 --> 00:01:24,130
What y 'all watching? Something funny on
the computer box? Oh, no, my trunk is
19
00:01:24,130 --> 00:01:26,710
on fire. Oh, no, my trunk is on fire.
20
00:01:29,059 --> 00:01:33,280
Your whole family is dumb. I'm going to
share this with everyone I have ever
21
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,320
known. Boom.
22
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,800
This is going viral.
23
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,500
Every time.
24
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:41,840
I want to see.
25
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:47,900
Tragedy plus time.
26
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,180
Too soon, I guess.
27
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:58,170
There's my guy, Steve Blumen, senior
vice president in charge of marketing
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00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:02,510
Guzzle Libations. Congratulations,
Rusty. You broke the internet. You
29
00:02:02,510 --> 00:02:07,370
it, bro. No, no, no. Over 20 million
unique page views yesterday alone.
30
00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:11,870
Yoda bro and Baby Watch's gang bang are
both going, where are my eyeballs at?
31
00:02:12,110 --> 00:02:13,910
They're on the Guzzle bumpkin, son.
32
00:02:14,290 --> 00:02:16,150
The Guzzle bumpkin. That's right.
33
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,470
Guzzle wants you as our brand
ambassador.
34
00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:23,330
We want to build a whole campaign around
you and all the crazy, stupid shit
35
00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:26,450
you're about. to do to create excitement
for our energy beverage.
36
00:02:26,950 --> 00:02:27,950
I'm gonna be famous?
37
00:02:28,170 --> 00:02:29,170
Hell yeah!
38
00:02:29,290 --> 00:02:32,450
Hold on now. My boy almost lost his
life.
39
00:02:32,710 --> 00:02:35,890
So pardon my sarcasm, Steve, when I ask.
40
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,510
Who's gonna replace my sumbitchin'
truck?
41
00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:42,890
When I called the insurance people, they
had the gall to say that I didn't have
42
00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:43,809
no insurance.
43
00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,450
And why in the hell am I calling them?
44
00:02:45,650 --> 00:02:48,210
And I said, I don't know. I don't have
no damn insurance.
45
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:52,710
Man, I think we hung up or something. I
forget. Hell, I don't know.
46
00:02:53,230 --> 00:02:56,030
How about if I hook you up with some
guzzle gear?
47
00:02:56,870 --> 00:02:59,590
Can you get me a cornhole game out of
this?
48
00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:02,330
Yeah, sure. I have one of those in the
warehouse, I'm sure. Woo!
49
00:03:03,090 --> 00:03:04,090
Cornhole, baby!
50
00:03:05,070 --> 00:03:07,430
I'll negotiate the hell out of you, son.
51
00:03:07,690 --> 00:03:10,910
He don't even know what hit him. Look at
his pockets. Flipped out like bunny
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00:03:10,910 --> 00:03:11,910
ears.
53
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:16,470
Doctor, throw this asshole's nuts back
on. He's got some videos to make.
54
00:03:16,970 --> 00:03:19,970
Hey, y 'all, this is the Guzzle Bumpkin,
and I'm gonna fight this black bear
55
00:03:19,970 --> 00:03:22,640
with a bullwhip while I'm ducking. Safe
to the back of a stingray.
56
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,740
Grab these nuts and guzzle them up.
57
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,040
Oh, my God!
58
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:28,700
Hey,
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00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,240
y 'all, it's Guzzle Bunkin' coming at
you. Hey,
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00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:42,260
y 'all, it's Guzzle Bunkin' shouting at
you, and I'm going to eat a pound of dry
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00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:45,780
cinnamon, chug a gallon of milk, then
chase it all with a quart of soy sauce.
62
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:56,740
Grab these nuts and just... Oh,
63
00:03:56,740 --> 00:04:00,040
baby, are you all right?
64
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,980
I feel kind of dizzy.
65
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,200
Why diffuse?
66
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,900
What are y 'all doing down there? Play
the plays now. That's right.
67
00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:09,560
Cut. Ah, damn it. He didn't say it.
68
00:04:09,940 --> 00:04:13,320
Oh, baby, are you all right? Hang on.
69
00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,880
Did y 'all blow up my butt? I'm sorry,
honey, but... You forgot to say the
70
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:18,880
guzzle phrase.
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00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:21,459
That's right. Grab these nuts and guzzle
up.
72
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:25,040
That's what the hell they pay us for,
bunkin'. Wait, y 'all didn't pay for...
73
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:30,160
Why is there not an M -80 up his poop
chute? They wouldn't sell me no more.
74
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:33,540
Said we was misusing them. Well, didn't
you tell them it's our butthole and we
75
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:34,780
can do what we want with it?
76
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,740
Oh, honey, are you all right? Y 'all
didn't pay for this shit.
77
00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,240
Since you destroyed my truck boat truck.
78
00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:45,240
Guzzle done give me a snowmobile, towing
a jet ski, towing a hang glider,
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00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:48,980
pulling a parasail, dragging a
hoverboard. He tied that cornhole game
80
00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:49,819
back, too.
81
00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:52,100
It don't ride with a dam, but it's
extreme as hell.
82
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:54,380
That's a bumpkin. Grab these nuts.
83
00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:55,780
He did what?
84
00:04:56,280 --> 00:05:01,000
Your son swallowed three pounds of
crickets and a whole thing of fishing
85
00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:02,540
just like his daddy.
86
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,320
Oh, come on, Tammy. They're easy to get
out. Just hook up the fishing lines to
87
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,080
the tow hitch of an ATV and gun it.
88
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,360
Let's do it.
89
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:17,400
You're missing the point. Your son looks
up to you, and you're running around
90
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,560
calling yourself a bumpkin? You want
Randy to back down the next time
91
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,060
tells him to jam an ice pick down his
ear hole for attention?
92
00:05:24,460 --> 00:05:25,960
Yeah, actually, I do.
93
00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:30,740
Look, baby, there's got to be a safer
way to provide for us, and providing
94
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:33,740
money would be nice, too. We can't eat
Internet locks.
95
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,850
There he is, the guzzle pumpkin.
96
00:05:38,430 --> 00:05:39,129
Hey, Steve.
97
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:43,070
Yo, so I had some notes on your bleach
pong challenge video. The biggest one
98
00:05:43,070 --> 00:05:45,010
being you didn't drink any bleach, bro.
99
00:05:45,330 --> 00:05:46,330
Don't be a fool.
100
00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:49,790
Drinking bleach ain't cool. I mean, if
the guzzle drinking public wants to be
101
00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:52,870
lectured to, they can go back to school.
Am I right, pumpkin?
102
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:54,630
Yeah, about that, Steve.
103
00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:58,510
I was talking to my baby mama, and she
showed me in the dictionary what pumpkin
104
00:05:58,510 --> 00:06:02,170
means, and maybe we could come up with a
name that's a little more positive and
105
00:06:02,170 --> 00:06:03,170
life -affirming.
106
00:06:03,790 --> 00:06:05,790
How about the Guzzle Gladiator?
107
00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:09,190
The guzzle gentleman with the good
guzzle manners?
108
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,970
The guzzle gay acceptance guardian?
109
00:06:12,350 --> 00:06:15,690
Anything's ringing any bells for you?
Clang, clang. They're ringing the shitty
110
00:06:15,690 --> 00:06:20,330
name bell, bro. You want us to recall
all these hoodies? You would do that to
111
00:06:20,330 --> 00:06:25,470
guzzle after all we've done to you?
After all we've dropped on you and
112
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:29,010
inside you? Look, I'm just worried about
the impression I'm making on the world.
113
00:06:29,630 --> 00:06:32,750
I think I'm going to have to turn in my
guzzle gear. The hoodie, the grill, the
114
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:33,549
guzzle gauges.
115
00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:36,230
I'm sorry, Steve. I just can't do this
anymore in good conscience.
116
00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:41,570
That's a real shame, Bumpkin. We're
going to get so many frosh eyeballs on
117
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:42,690
for the New Year's Eve stunt.
118
00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:44,610
What New Year's Eve stunt?
119
00:06:44,870 --> 00:06:48,790
We were planning to drop a tanker filled
with dog shit on your head. And you
120
00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:50,310
were going to have to eat your way out.
121
00:06:50,790 --> 00:06:52,290
Sounds like you're moving on.
122
00:06:52,630 --> 00:06:56,130
Yeah, and it sounds like I made the
right decision, too. And we were going
123
00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:57,850
pay you a hundred grand to do it.
124
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,740
That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
125
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,340
Look, Tammy, it's 100 grand.
126
00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:07,520
Then I'm out. I just want to grab these
nuts and guzzle up one last time.
127
00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:11,500
Then you're going to grab those nuts
without me and Randy. I will not go to
128
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:15,060
York City to watch you kill yourself
under the world's biggest pile of dog
129
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,300
Oh, so you don't think I can do it, huh?
130
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,640
I'll show your ass. I'll show everybody.
131
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,080
Oh.
132
00:07:27,469 --> 00:07:29,230
Don't drop that shit on me. Don't do it.
133
00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:31,210
Please don't drop that shit on me.
134
00:07:31,550 --> 00:07:32,950
What the hell, man?
135
00:07:33,810 --> 00:07:37,570
Who are y 'all? Let's tell this little
punk. Friend like he don't know who we
136
00:07:37,570 --> 00:07:40,070
are. Coolio, gangster's paradise in the
flesh, cuz.
137
00:07:40,390 --> 00:07:41,309
I'm Wee Man.
138
00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:42,830
I can kick myself in the forehead.
139
00:07:44,270 --> 00:07:48,130
Are y 'all gullets? What? Just because
I'm not in the news every day don't mean
140
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:48,949
I'm dead.
141
00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:51,450
I'm just taking a break from the
entertainment business.
142
00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:53,910
Spending more time with my family. You
know what I'm saying?
143
00:07:54,350 --> 00:07:57,750
What y 'all doing here? Bumpkin, these
other folks don't have your best
144
00:07:57,750 --> 00:07:58,750
interests at heart.
145
00:07:58,850 --> 00:08:01,330
You remember my space vampire movie,
right?
146
00:08:01,550 --> 00:08:02,550
Dracula 3000?
147
00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:07,150
Damn, you made 3000 of them? I did all
my own stunts. Except for the ones the
148
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:10,930
stuntman did. I did a commando role and
compressed three dents in my back.
149
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:14,110
My gangster walk wasn't quite as
thuggish after that injury.
150
00:08:14,330 --> 00:08:17,870
I used to do all of my own stunts, too.
Like that time they stuck me in a
151
00:08:17,870 --> 00:08:20,110
gorilla uterus so it could give birth to
me.
152
00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:22,450
That's not even wrong. The gorilla died.
153
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,370
Turns out they're not supposed to give
birth to human men.
154
00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:27,250
Also, super illegal.
155
00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:33,250
I got pink eye, hep C, and nearly lost
my foot to sepsis. I couldn't kick
156
00:08:33,250 --> 00:08:35,210
in the forehead for a year after that.
157
00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:38,630
Damn. Don't do this New Year's Eve
stunt, pumpkin.
158
00:08:39,159 --> 00:08:40,799
But it's 100 grand, wee man.
159
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,320
Oh, you should totally do the stunt.
160
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,560
But you just said not to do the stunt.
161
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,220
How much you getting paid again?
162
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,920
100 grand. You should totally do the
stunt. I can do the stunt. No, it's my
163
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,100
up there getting shit dumped on it.
164
00:08:54,580 --> 00:08:55,800
Tonight's the night, folks.
165
00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,780
Above you, one metric ton of dog shit.
166
00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:02,560
Below, the guzzle bumpkin!
167
00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:05,409
Where's your son, bro?
168
00:09:05,410 --> 00:09:08,910
Oh, Bumpkin's gonna be here. Yeah, he
done told me how excited he was to get
169
00:09:08,910 --> 00:09:12,390
shit dropped on his head. He's real
thrilled at this opportunity, Steve, and
170
00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:16,590
he's very grateful for it. Do you have
any idea how much that tanker full of
171
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:17,590
shit cost us?
172
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:22,230
Not much. It was donated. But if the
Bumpkin doesn't show, we're confiscating
173
00:09:22,230 --> 00:09:24,930
all of your guzzle -branded gear.
174
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:29,350
Everything. Uh, Steve, now, you know,
the cornhole game was a gift. No, it
175
00:09:29,350 --> 00:09:31,270
wasn't. Read the fine print, bro.
176
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:35,160
What about the Bumpkin? Damn it! Don't
he know how much this means to me?
177
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:38,440
I'm so glad you did the right thing,
baby.
178
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:42,120
Well, I can't dump shit on a bumpkin if
there ain't no bumpkin to dump shit on.
179
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,400
Hold up, who's that wearing your
wingsuit?
180
00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:46,600
I'm Jungle Bumpkin, y 'all.
181
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,260
I'm ready to do this thing.
182
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:52,000
Y 'all dump a tanker of dog shit on my
head, because I don't know no better.
183
00:09:52,580 --> 00:09:54,580
Drop that shit!
184
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:05,240
Happy New Year, Tammy.
185
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:12,420
Yeah, you know, them guzzle folks got a
shit ton of bad press after they dropped
186
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:16,740
that shit ton of dog shit on your
daddy's head. Well, it is good to see
187
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:20,520
moving their marketing campaign in a
more positive direction. And without
188
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,600
Listen up, y 'all. This is Coolio with
the flow, coming at you from sub
189
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,600
Africa.
190
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:30,540
Guzzle has provided enough rice, soy
protein, and purified guzzle for this
191
00:10:30,540 --> 00:10:31,660
village to last a year.
192
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:36,120
And they have to eat it all in three
minutes, or we get to turn their village
193
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,340
into a skate park!
194
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,740
Totally rad, Coolio!
195
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:45,800
You're a daddy would have hated to see
this.
196
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:48,340
He'd probably be spinning in his grave.
197
00:10:48,660 --> 00:10:50,460
His dog shit grave.
198
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:00,080
I did it.
199
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,260
I ate my way through.
200
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:02,760
Where's my money?
201
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,680
My guns were branded gear too, huh?
17255
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