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1
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:09,460
My dreams are all dead and buried.
2
00:00:10,180 --> 00:00:15,880
Yeah, sometimes I wish the sun would
just take me.
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00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:40,120
I tell you, Tina, I sure do appreciate
you letting me have a sleepover with my
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00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,039
little macho man.
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00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:46,040
Here's his diaper bag and his bippy and
his binky and a pillow and a blanket,
6
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:47,620
because I know y 'all ain't got one of
them.
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00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:48,779
That's the milk?
8
00:00:48,780 --> 00:00:52,920
We ain't had no milk since the pig
runoff. It's formula, Rusty, and it's
9
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:56,900
Now, you promised me. Your daddy ain't
over there, right?
10
00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:58,760
Right.
11
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:00,120
Say it again.
12
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,520
Say it one more time.
13
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Can we trust him? Stop that and go fetch
the doctor.
14
00:01:23,020 --> 00:01:23,919
Oh, Lord.
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Oh, Lord. Why?
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My only boy.
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Did you get the doctor?
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah, he's coming.
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Right now. Right now. He's coming right
now.
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I'm going to call him.
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Fix him to call him.
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00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:58,630
Well, it's like I said, I mean, the gun
went off, and next thing I know, I'm
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still asleep, and Rusty's laying there
in a pool of his own blood, and I'm
25
00:02:03,310 --> 00:02:04,310
asleep this whole time.
26
00:02:04,470 --> 00:02:07,590
And you said that the baby was cleaning
the gun at the time, right?
27
00:02:08,289 --> 00:02:12,350
Are you suggesting that a baby should
not be allowed to have a gun? Oh, no,
28
00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:16,430
no. I respect the Second Amendment as
much as you do, Early. I mean, the
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00:02:16,430 --> 00:02:20,550
Founding Fathers knew that babies had
the right to maintain an armed militia.
30
00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:24,390
The baby lost the gun. I mean, how the
hell should I know?
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I mean, it's the baby's gun.
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00:02:25,870 --> 00:02:29,190
The baby's got a right to carry and
conceal his own gun. I mean, hell, I
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00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,190
you I was asleep.
34
00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:36,450
So he lost the gun after he fired the
gun while cleaning it. Well,
35
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Rusty was trying to break into the
house. And when that baby accidentally
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him, it was still self -defense. Your
assertion was that the baby was with
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Rusty. And the baby knows that Rusty
ain't to break in here.
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Of course, I didn't see any of it
because I was asleep, damn it. I told
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00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:57,010
was asleep. And yet your statement says
that the baby was cleaning the gun at
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00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,290
the time of the shooting. Don't you tell
me how to tell my baby how to clean my
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00:03:00,290 --> 00:03:01,670
gun. Your gun?
42
00:03:02,110 --> 00:03:05,490
I thought you said it was the baby's
gun. You take the guns away from the
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00:03:05,490 --> 00:03:08,910
babies, then only the adults is going to
have the guns. Then where the hell are
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00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:11,350
we going to be? Early, have you had some
drinks tonight?
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00:03:11,870 --> 00:03:13,330
You want to get some drinks now?
46
00:03:14,250 --> 00:03:18,230
Well, there's been a tragic shooting,
but okay, then. Hell, let's get some
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00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:21,750
drinks. Well, I'll tell you what I
think, Early. I think it's pretty clear
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00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:26,170
here. This pretty much went down the way
you said it did. I mean, a man's got to
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00:03:26,170 --> 00:03:28,730
protect what's his. A baby. A baby's got
to protect.
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00:03:28,970 --> 00:03:33,090
Well, hold on now. If he was asleep, how
come you know the baby was cleaning
51
00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:34,730
again? What the hell are you, some kind
of detective?
52
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:38,130
Yeah, I'm studying to be. I'm answering
the questions here.
53
00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:40,190
How about them drinks now?
54
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:43,230
No, it's getting late, but thanks for
the offer, anyhow.
55
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:49,100
I know it's been an emotional night for
you, so if you want to follow that
56
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:51,380
ambulance to the hospital... Ah, he'll
be fine.
57
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,780
Well, yeah, but Rusty's... No.
58
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:58,160
What, they gonna let me scrub in,
dumbass?
59
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,460
Hell, I didn't never rebuild a damn
brain.
60
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,440
Okay, then.
61
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,560
Y 'all have a good night.
62
00:04:14,350 --> 00:04:15,350
again, baby!
63
00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:16,550
Woo!
64
00:04:17,470 --> 00:04:18,470
Woo!
65
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Woo?
66
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No!
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My only gun!
68
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:34,930
Now you give me all that spendy paper in
that cash box right now
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or you gonna deal with this!
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00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:43,670
Yeah, I see where you're going with
that. But I'm afraid that you've finally
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00:04:43,670 --> 00:04:45,670
given me enough time to get to my wall.
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00:04:48,390 --> 00:04:51,190
Yes, sir, I like that. This is my
boomstick.
73
00:04:51,530 --> 00:04:53,030
Hand it over now. Come on, let's go.
74
00:04:53,490 --> 00:04:54,490
This is still a stick.
75
00:04:57,150 --> 00:05:01,650
This here ain't over. Hell no. Because I
got me a handful of bullets.
76
00:05:01,870 --> 00:05:03,350
And I ain't afraid to throw them.
77
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,840
Well, I ain't doing the robbery today.
Hell no. I ain't giving you the
78
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:11,060
satisfaction. How about that?
79
00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:12,219
Bye -bye now.
80
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,340
Now, there's why we need gun control in
this here land.
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When the criminals ain't got guns, only
the guys they rob got guns.
82
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,380
Okay. See you later.
83
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,920
Hey, lad, you son of a bitch!
84
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,600
Here, Denny, come on up here. Look at
this.
85
00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:31,400
Praying to the Lord Jesus to make his
boy whole again.
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The baby was cleaning the gun. You broke
in, okay? The baby shot you with his
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gun. Victimless crime. Self -defense
accident. Yeah, that's what we're going
88
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:41,280
go with, okay? Now repeat it back to me.
89
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:45,640
Hell, that ain't gonna convince nobody.
90
00:05:45,940 --> 00:05:49,520
Your baby can be tried as a minor. A
couple weeks in juvie, he'll walk by
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00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:52,000
Christmas. Me? This is my 29th strike.
92
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,140
And we ain't bowling, you son of a
bitch. Now wake up. Is this a bad time?
93
00:05:56,140 --> 00:05:59,300
ain't ready. Can't you see I'm trying to
get my damn story straight before you
94
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:00,840
come around here requisitating me?
95
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:02,700
That's, uh, respected.
96
00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:07,350
Family privacy. Come on, Dee. Yeah, the
government's trying to turn it around on
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me. Make me the one who done it. Well,
that's why we formed a militia. For this
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very reason.
99
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That's right.
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Meeting of the militia. Right now.
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Confederate sons of the wild -eyed
Southern Liberty boys and Dale Jr.
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fan club will call to order.
103
00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:23,990
Munitions officer, please give us an
inventory.
104
00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:30,610
We got 14 shotgun shells and no gun at
the moment.
105
00:06:31,270 --> 00:06:32,810
But we do have this.
106
00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:37,230
Two -by with the rusty nail in it. Yeah,
the equalizer.
107
00:06:37,470 --> 00:06:40,990
We're gonna lay this out there as a
deterrent. I'd like to see you trying
108
00:06:40,990 --> 00:06:42,530
all my three -penny nails, Obama.
109
00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:48,330
What do we do if the world's largest and
most advanced military force decides to
110
00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:50,930
order a drone strike on our
headquarters?
111
00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:52,429
Head of intel.
112
00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:55,870
Yeah? In the event of a code black,
what's our survival window?
113
00:06:56,410 --> 00:06:59,150
I got that at three seconds.
114
00:07:00,650 --> 00:07:04,050
But we got all them beans stocked up
now. Yeah, the beans are going to be
115
00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:05,090
destroyed as well.
116
00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:10,110
Yeah, but we got the decoys. They're
just a bunch of hollowed out gourds with
117
00:07:10,110 --> 00:07:11,570
faces. With faces on them, that's right.
118
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:13,210
Designed to look like us.
119
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:21,030
I feel like a gun would allow us the
chance to end things on our own terms.
120
00:07:21,990 --> 00:07:23,530
You get what I'm saying?
121
00:07:24,970 --> 00:07:29,050
Yes, I do. We got to get us a damn gun.
Fight them off to the last man.
122
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:33,610
Yeah, I guess that'd be... same result.
123
00:07:34,590 --> 00:07:39,110
I'm a damn taxpayer! No, Ernie, this is
mine. So I'll pay for that damn gun
124
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,370
you're wearing on your hip!
125
00:07:41,190 --> 00:07:43,330
Back the fudge off!
126
00:07:46,110 --> 00:07:48,710
Well, government's trying to overthrow
me now.
127
00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:51,470
You sons of bitches can keep your tax
-paid guns.
128
00:07:51,690 --> 00:07:54,470
I'll just take my welfare check and go
buy me a damn gun.
129
00:07:54,730 --> 00:07:56,230
I'll pay my own damn way.
130
00:07:58,830 --> 00:08:00,330
Can I just see some ID real quick?
131
00:08:00,570 --> 00:08:01,570
What the hell for?
132
00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:06,010
This is a standard background check. We
can't sell guns to convicted felons.
133
00:08:06,290 --> 00:08:07,290
All right.
134
00:08:07,390 --> 00:08:11,030
Of course, that won't be a problem for
you, Sheriff.
135
00:08:11,310 --> 00:08:12,229
The Sheriff's here.
136
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:16,830
No, that's what your ID says, though.
Oh, yeah, that's right. It does.
137
00:08:17,170 --> 00:08:20,850
And so does this here credit card with
Teddy Bear Junction points.
138
00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:24,710
That's okay. Can't pay yet. There's a 15
-day wait on all gun purchases.
139
00:08:24,990 --> 00:08:28,020
15 days? For my... Chipper can't wait 15
days.
140
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:31,960
We need the gun now. What if I forget
what the hell I'm so pissed off about?
141
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:37,360
They didn't hear it from me, but there's
no mandatory anything on bats.
142
00:08:37,659 --> 00:08:39,940
Those are in the sports section. Ask for
Sheila.
143
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:48,720
No, no. There ain't nothing more
unsatisfying than a plink of aluminum
144
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:49,679
her skull.
145
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:50,820
I'm a purist.
146
00:08:55,690 --> 00:08:57,250
There's one. Get his gun. Get it.
147
00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:02,030
Oh, I hate to take it off one of our
own. Well, I'll declare.
148
00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:08,870
I feel this scoundrel is trying to
abscond with my... Hang on. Stop.
149
00:09:09,110 --> 00:09:10,150
Guys, time out.
150
00:09:10,370 --> 00:09:12,550
You know we're play -acting, right? Get
the flash.
151
00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:14,470
They built that gun off the internet.
152
00:09:20,110 --> 00:09:21,170
Hey, y 'all.
153
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:23,730
Oh, hell.
154
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,260
Y 'all get me with that every time. The
government!
155
00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:28,040
They're coming for my sidearm!
156
00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:32,320
Dammit, dammit, dammit! He breached the
outer perimeter!
157
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:35,720
Protect the homeland at all costs!
158
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,640
It ain't working! The laser scope is
broke!
159
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,780
Use the ramrod, dumbass!
160
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,340
Scoot over to let me use it.
161
00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:44,940
Hang on just a second, government!
162
00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:52,280
In about a minute, you're gonna feel my
righteous fury!
163
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:57,699
Turn the hell up, bitch.
164
00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:02,040
Here you go. You're going to get this
stuff from me when you buy it for my
165
00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:05,360
Damn it.
166
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,660
Just come by to tell you that we closed
the book on Rusty's shooting.
167
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:13,020
You was right.
168
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,320
It was the baby.
169
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,380
Finally. Thank God.
170
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:18,540
Yeah, we had to get him off the street.
171
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,840
He's going to jail. Yes, you are. Going
to jail. I know he did.
172
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,040
Well, that ends well.
173
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,960
You know, Rusty's still in serious
condition in the ICU.
174
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,400
All right. Good to know.
175
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,960
Matter of fact, doctor says he ain't out
of the woods. That's great. Thank you.
176
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:44,240
Now, about that gun that I throwed at
you, you reckon I could get that back?
177
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:45,420
Well, it's closer to you.
178
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:47,660
All right.
179
00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:48,860
Here.
180
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:12,690
Not really, bitch!
15076
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