All language subtitles for squidbillies_s08e07_thou_shale_not_drill

my dreams they are all dead and buried

sometimes I wish the sun would just

explode

He's a damn man.

Why do you think they're giving us free
rodeo, Granny?

You know what they say.

You don't get something for nothing.

Except for rodeos.

You get them free for nothing. That's
what they say.

Wait a minute.

Ain't that thar the hamburger dog?

You know, the big old dog what
hamburgers comes out of?

That's a bull.

Thanks, Early.

Didn't y 'all see I was in trouble in
there?

Oh, damn, player. You kept my only bull.

I see how y 'all play in Dougal County.
Let me introduce myself.

My name is Paul Newberg from Galacticon
Energy Solutions.

But you can call me Peanut.

What, what? Can I get a what, what?

What, what?

Galacticon has got an unbelievably
lucrative opportunity for all y 'all.

-ching!

that money, but we'll discuss it at y
'all's cribs tomorrow.

Right now, get them hands up for some
free corn dogs. Come on, get them corn

guns out here. Keep that big going.

Corn dogs?

Okay. Oh, looky here. It's raining meat
sticks.

Woo -hoo! Yeah, baby!

Woo -hoo!

Well, well, if it isn't Mr.

Smooth. talking rap man dropping science
from the big city. Yo, I'm just a

squirrel trying to find a nut player.
Save me your squirrel analogy.

You can't appeal to these rodents on a
personal level. They don't respond to

human connection and empathy. I've tried
it.

Everyone, eyes up here.

You will all upgrade to my elite premium
cable package or this baby dies.

Do you think I'm a monster? I mean,
obviously, I wouldn't drop a real baby.

baby was Chinese.

Look, I don't know who you are or why
you're here.

Oh, it says it right here.

Wait, you can get natural gas out of the
ground? How?

What's up, y 'all?

It's your boy, Peanut.

Biscuits! You got us some free biscuits.
Free biscuits. Real biscuits. Come on.

Biscuits.

Savory biscuits.

Yeah, all right, eat up. Breakfast is
over.

Now, you're about to get your hat bill
straightened up.

So you pick up your biscuit box from the
city and climb your ass back into your

damn beautiful son of a bitch.

Is that a bohemoth on a 40 -inch lift
kit?

You want to drive it?

Hey,

where you get all that money for the
biscuits and corn dogs and Jerry?

Are you Italian?

No, son.

I'm just rolling with big faces in my
pocket, working for Galacticon. What the

hell's Galacticon?

We're the people that's going to pull
all this natural gas out your land and

you paid with a mad tax on money, son.

Don't you want some extensions for that
hair of yours?

That wispy one right there in the middle
that's just waving back and forth.

Oh, I don't know.

You think it would suit me?

Damn, that's a big -ass spread, Jack.

Galacticon's giving out ten bills an
acre, y 'all. That's more money, more

money, more money. Do the math.

Lil does a little too much math.

Lil? You know, she even had a math lab.

Is that the pretty lady under this big
-ass wig?

You here to do some drilling?

Baby, please, call me Peanut.

Good question.

Those ain't rib bones, baby. Give me
that hand back.

Whoa, whoa. Hold up, plan.

Ain't that your whip? Damn straight it
is.

Wait. My whip?

How the hell did this happen?

That's all right. That's all right. You
sign this contract and you can buy a

whole fleet of these.

I'm going to go to town and get my game
on.

Wait, Peanut.

Can I go with you? Can you go?

Player, can you drive?

Yo, Ruzzy, is your aunt with that crazy
-ass wig single?

Single? They got Thor in this county.
She'll pick anybody from out of town.

Don't you think I gotta get to know her
first?

Why? Oh, that's my boy.

Knuckle up. Blow it up. Oh!

Every day, you know I be about my
business.

Every way, you know I'm handling my
business. All the time, you know I be

my business.

And with your contract, I get a healthy
per diem. When my supervisor see him,

it's being quoted like every damn day.

And with your contract signed, then your
whole town is mine. Buying land,

getting hoes, Google County, what what?

Take what you want, Ernie. I don't need
this piece of money.

Can one of them fracking trucks come?

I am retiring. Hell, I don't want your
damn pocket change.

Because when they frack my land, I'll be
richer than you. And I might just buy

your damn house and move your lazy ass
right the hell out.

So, uh, no robbery today, or, uh...
That's up to him. I couldn't do nothing.

There's no skin off my wallet. You're
making me laugh here. I wouldn't wipe my

tail with this mask.

I'm gonna be rich, you hear?

I just wear this bag out of habit. Oh,
yeah? I'm gonna be richer than you.

I sit with you? The hell you are.

Hell, I might just buy your damn new
money. Well, buy new money and buy your

money out and throw it away.

How are y 'all getting rich all of a
sudden?

I bet you there's gas all up under here.
If you need to level the house, just

give me time to get Mama's iron lung out
of the crawl space.

Yo, Ruzzy, what's that geo survey say,
player?

It ain't got no shell. Just granite
bedrock up in this bitch. What's that

That's good, right? Sorry, Lord Dog. I
know you want this, but not everybody

ride the gravy train.

We gots to bounce.

Well, I wasn't going to say nothing, but
what you're doing here is just bad for

the environment.

Somebody ought to tell somebody about
this and tell them what you're doing. I

mean, what about our grandkids and their
grandkids?

Sheriff, you ain't got no kids. Because
I got sluggish sperm. And now the whole

world knows.

Thank you so much, Rusty. Have a good
day, Raisin Sack. We out. Peace!

I'm glad it ain't on my land, because
these fracking outfits, they're just bad

for Mother Earth.

Well, my snapback here tends to
disagree.

Well, your hat does make a compelling
argument, Early.

I'm just saying you got to weigh the
pros and cons here.

Good. Free money.

Free trucks.

Free super truck to crush my free trucks
with. Free new hair. Put that in there.

I'm going to shove you in that crack
hole.

Crack you up. Early, they put toxic
chemicals in those holes. Hell, it'll

your well water on fire.

Son of a bitch. Are you serious?

You better believe I am.

Free fire water. Yeah. No, that goes in
the bad car. I will fry them catfish

some bitches where they live. Early, I'm
talking about your drinking water.

See, when they go down in the ground for
that gas. Gas?

You mean inside the world?

Yeah, early, that's what this is all
about. Three huff gas on my lamb, too. I

can't believe it. That's a big good, big
time, yeah.

See, that's the good Italian boy.

I ain't have nobody say nothing bad
about the whops. Granny, he gets your

signature, and he's going to leave you
with a big old steaming hole in the

ground and just a few million measly
dollars for your trouble.

I'm still glad there ain't no gas on my
lamb, though.

Peanut? Huh.

Guess it's your turn to get screwed.

I'm going to holler at you, baby. Yeah,
whatever.

Yo, Peanut, what's up, G?

What you got that big bag for?

I got to get on, player.

My silly's blowing up. I got to tap,
tap, tap that gas in South Dakota, son.

All right. I got to drive by my crib,
get my new kit, and then we out. Whoa,

whoa, Ruzzy. I got to fly solo. It ain't
no team sport.

But, man, I couldn't have done it
without you.

Come on. I got a grenade right here. You
got to pull the pin.

Blow it up. Damn it. I knew it. You
wasn't ready, my bud.

You was just using me to get the gas.

Have a good life, Paul Newberg. Rosie,
you snapback.

Little brother.

Rosie.

They ain't going to get none of our gas.

Not if I can help it. Are you out of
your damn mind?

We're about to be stuffed with a butt
with green leafy spending monies. We're

going to be richer than hell.

Rusty, they'll repossess me here.

We don't want that, do we?

I've only got three more payments on
this.

Ain't none of y 'all going to be
fracking this land.

How will I live and breathe?

Because I ain't going to.

Where are they going? Probably should
have chained yourself to the field over

there. We don't drill trees, you dumb
chug nut.

We're still going to be rich.

Oh, crap.

Daddy's got to keep this thing. Let me
out.

Hold up, guys.

Stop the drilling, y 'all. Stop it.

What the hell are you doing here,
Newberg?

Y 'all can't be drilling here without no
land rights, son. But you already

secured those, right?

Whoops! A boo! What the hell are you
doing? I can't be letting no one frack

backyard, Playboy. This is my home turf,
son. Damn straight, Peanut.

My boo!

Woo! Yeah!

Nice working with you, you dumb son of a
bitch.

Hell, it's just a job.

My only job.

Ugh. I'm probably going to lose my damn
job.

Look out for the rent -a -hair truck.

They usually come at night.

They're rough as bastards and they move
like cats.

Why'd you do it, Peanut?

I didn't want you thinking I was using
you, Ruzzy. We know she was using us.

we was okay with it because we're going
to get a big -ass payday out of it. And

I was going to milk your fat ass for
child support.

Child support?

You're saying... Yeah, that's right.

I poked a hole in your rubbers. Oh, you
did too?

I done it, too.

Guilty. And I scraped semen off your
hotel sheets and put it in that little

bucket where the finger... Whoa! Hey,
shh. That's between us. Welcome to the

family, Peanut.

We're happy to have you.

Oh, damn it.

Do you take this woman to be your
lawfully wedded wife for richer?

Or poorer.

Most likely poorer, since you decided to
rip up the gas drilling rights for

everyone in this town. I take her. Okay,
Reverend, I do.

Get on with this damn thing.

Super. I begrudgingly pronounce you Mr.

and Mrs.

Paul Peanut Newberg.

You may kiss the bride.

All right, all right. Who threw the egg?

Oh, I'm sorry. Ain't that the tradition?

It's rice, player.

Right. Maybe it ought to be a brick.

Hey, hey. Let's throw these big red
books at him.

Wait, y 'all. Please, please.

Don't lash out against your brother with
physical violence. That's right.

Listen to him. Brother, let us pray that
Jesus will smite him by way of the ball

cancer or flesh -eating virus.

Father Lord Jesus, please make this son
of a bitch suffer. We've got to get out

of here, brother. Eyes are closed.

Open up, you bearded old belly goat.

Come on, it's payday.

There you go. Have at it.

What the? There ain't nothing in here.

I know, you damn son of a bitch. I
burned it all in a ridiculous display of

rich I thought I was going to be when
that fracking cash rolled in. Come on,

boy. Damn.

I got my mouth to feed.

You ain't welcome to rob my store no
more until you get that new brother -in

-law of yours back on the program.

Get him some of that damn fracking
money.

I know they're mad at me now, but in the
long run, they're going to thank me. I

mean, if it weren't for me, all these
fish would be dead. Yeah, yeah, nature's

the tits and all, but ain't you got a
condo in the city? I mean, you said you

had a pool and an indoor crapper. Come
on, let's live there. No, baby, we can't

raise our... whatever the hell's in your
belly in the city.

That godforsaken monster needs to run
and play out here in the sunshine. I

working no more. I gave notice.

Oh, you had a career, huh?

Yeah. I jerked dudes off for money
behind the Walmart.

I told you that.

You know, I feel like we might have
rushed into this a little bit.

Second trimester, baby.

Can't touch it now.

I've been gestating the hell out of this
mother... Whoa!

Do the right thing, Peanut.

You made your bed.

You ain't got to worry about money. I
got a lot of cash saved up and a solid

business plan.

What? What?

What is it? You heard of Froyo, right?

Well, this is Hoyo.

Hot yogurt.

What, what?

Everybody be doing fro -yo. But peanut
zigs with them fools be zagging. Plus, I

save on refrigeration because there
ain't no power up in this bitch.

What, what?

Get some of this, son.

Toss it up.

It's good. Yeah.

That's some script cocktail flavor right
there.

You want some Clams Casino or some
lobster biscuits?

That's plenty. Hot.

Seafood flavored yogurt.

Yeah, yeah.

This is the future, boo.

Seafood hoyo in the house, Dougal
County. What, what?

My hoyo's dead.

Oh, God.

Lordy, lordy. I got that hoyo got too
hot for some folks around here.

Looks like somebody's trying to send you
a message, little fella.

What does that say?

They're supposed to say, you need to go
back there to fracking our land.

Town people, they don't spell too good
when they red hot and pissified off at

you. I ain't going back to fracking.

I won't do it. It's wrong.

Fine. I'll get the damn gas out of the
ground. You just see.

Damn dinosaurs.

Burying their kins so damn deep.

Wait, what's that there?

Oh, it's bubbling.

It's coming out.

Do you get to wear red, bitches?

We the rich now.

No hard feelings, peanut.

You know, you're family now, so I'm
going to show you what kind of fellow I

You're getting less than the rest of us
because you doubted me.

Oh, this don't smell like gas to you,
Doc.

Hell, I know that. It's dinosaur juice.

I mean, they scientifify, refine it, you
know, because with the science,

chemicals and all, and then they science
makes it come out as gas.

Appreciate you, E -Dog, but y 'all can
keep your sack full of turd. We don't

need your charity, because my man Peanut
has got him a job interview up in town.

What do you see as your strengths?

I guess you could say I'm a... Now you
listen to my strengths now. I have

massive wealth, roguish good looks,
unyielding power, and overwhelming

So how is it that you...

The Rube Whisperer are able to wrap this
whole town around your fat finger with

just a few catch phrases of corndog
projectile and a smile.

You just gotta try to connect with them.
I'm already connected with them through

surveillance. But they're so boring to
watch.

No, man, you gotta get with them on a
personal level, dog.

Hand over the technique. I'll pay you a
king's ransom.

It ain't really something you buy.

Then I'll have it beaten from you.

Paging the beaters.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We ain't got to
do that. I'm sure I can probably teach

you some social game. You know, get you
straightened up and everything, balling

with the people. You feel me? I do feel
you.

Give me some more street gibberish that
I might use to lull these corn syrup

enthusiasts into a false sense of
solidarity.

YOLO, Glenn.

And wife.

You're straight up balling with your
bitch, I see.

What up, Glenn?

What up?

I'm not supposed to be at work, right?
Uh, it's Saturday. No, dog, no. You're

entirely correct to be stone cold
chilling in your crib at this time.

YOLO. I don't, uh... Swag.

What, uh, what... What is happening
here? Free barbecue ribs, Glenn.

YOLO. Gotta make it rain ribs up in
here, Yolo.

Oh, my chest.

Oh, my God.

Perhaps those ribs could have been
deboned, but no matter. Sign this next

kin, or you too will be ribbed.

For thy pleasure.

Fool, did you not read the clause on
page 19?

He's simulized it for us. Mad fat
stacks, YOLO, getting paid, barbecue

that. This says Dan Halen can drill here
in perpetuity.

That vinegar sauce stings. And he ain't
got to pay your dumb ass one thin dime.

Wait a minute, what, what? What, what?
Well, good luck then, cause look what

I've done.

Ripped up the damn drilling rights, just
like you done. It doesn't work that

way. They've got copies.

Copies?

They can do that? You just ripped up
your copy, dumbass.

Damn, Internet.

Thanks a lot, Obama.

Why in the hell didn't you do nothing to
stop this, peanut?

Damn it. I'm trying to save your ass. Y
'all calm down now.

I have a plan. You can't put dynamite in
Dan Halen's butthole.

Why the hell not? It's not legal or
practical or probable. even possible.

No, he done got him a butthole. I seen
it. That's not what I'm talking about.

Well, then you come up with a damn idea.

There's gotta be some old law in the
books or some animal we gotta protect or

something, right?

Cream Peas used to nail our asses with
this all the time. Here's some.

The Red Whisker Salamander.

This ornery bearded reptile was said to
lurk below the North Georgia mountains.

Children are told that they didn't
finish their okra.

He climb out of the earth and undone all
their socks.

Sounds like a fairy tale, Rosie. Nuh
-uh, uh -uh, that's real.

My mama told me about that.

How about that we just tell Dan Halen
it's a wildlife refuge for the red

shellamander, and he won't be able to
drill.

You really think this is gonna work?
Hell yes, it's gonna work. What, what?

Your moronic ruse does not work.

Y 'all, it didn't work.

Damn it. Bring in the drill.

Oh, no, y 'all, wait a minute now. I
mean, what?

He'll what?

Undone my socks?

I don't wear shoes, motherfucker.

Tonight we dine on money.

What's going on over there? Commence
with the fracking ass order.

Oh, hell no.

What the hell? That thing's for real.

Shoot him. Shoot him, Sheriff. Shoot him
at once.

Where are you going?

No, that didn't eat my okra. Mac and
cheese are counted as the best. Well,

at least it isn't.

Get him!

Get him! Get him! No!

Wait! No!

Don't shoot!

Nobody shoot!

I think this... This savage critter...
He's loving me.

And only exists between...

Easy, I just had a mint.

So it's gonna switch up the flavor,
okay?

Baby,

no!

Okay,

so, we good here?

Recommence the fracking!

Well, what can I say?

Peanut should have ate his okra, you
know. I thought the Shayla Manor only

orangey socks.

They also owned orangey intestines,
nerve bundles, wiggly brain matter.

Yeah, they don't mention that in the pop
-up book, do they?

I'm pouring one out for my homeboy,
Peanut. Don't you pour nothing on that

You're going to be contaminizing that
sumbitch. Danny Dunne had got all the

and he didn't get Jack Squawks. Then how
come I got this share money checking my

hand in the mail?

That's mine.

Peanut had an insurance policy on the ho
-yo stand.

We all family here, Leo.

So we're going to split it equal out.
No, Daddy, don't split it equal.

Grab your shower now, because we richer
than hell, baby.

I got my business every day. You know I
be about my business every way. You know

I'm handling my business all the time.
You know I be about my business.

I get a healthy per diem when my
supervisors see I'm exceeding quotas

damn day.

And with your contract signed, then your
whole town is mine. Buying land,

getting hoes, Google County, what what?