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1
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,980
My dreams are all dead buried.
2
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Sometimes I wish the sun would just
explode.
3
00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:22,300
When God calls me to his kingdom.
4
00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:28,500
I'll take all you sons of bitches when I
go. Let us go.
5
00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:32,540
I'm not going to drive that thing. Come
on. Touch the tram.
6
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,740
I sure appreciate y 'all displaying
my...
7
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:39,030
Election signs, Granny.
8
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:45,670
Hell, those are all of my election signs
up there, aren't they? Well, we're
9
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:46,670
happy to help.
10
00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:49,750
Roxy, make sure to cover that skyline.
11
00:00:49,990 --> 00:00:52,550
It's getting an assload of rain off
through there.
12
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:58,150
Well, I was going to put some up in
town, but I guess folks could come by
13
00:00:58,190 --> 00:00:59,950
No one set foot on this land.
14
00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:04,010
Oh, okay. I could just walk around town
and spread the word verbally.
15
00:01:04,349 --> 00:01:06,110
Either way, though, I've got a campaign.
16
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,460
Two years ago, I just barely beat out
the writing candidate.
17
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:14,540
Sheriff gobbles his own farts. Can you
imagine where we'd be if he'd won?
18
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,700
Rusty, start up the north wall of the
details department.
19
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A lot of wind gets through that
peephole.
20
00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:22,180
Fairly tough.
21
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:23,920
I guess you're sort of tough.
22
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Sort of. No, no, fairly in the sense
that I am tough, but I do it fairly.
23
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Fairly tough.
24
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Not fairly in the sense of kinda or
somewhat.
25
00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:38,050
That would be the exact opposite of the
message I'm trying to do here.
26
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You call these things doorknob flyers?
Ain't you got some of that thick card
27
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stock like the Denny ones? Denny ones?
28
00:01:43,330 --> 00:01:47,990
Yeah, these sheriff ones are too flippy
floppy. Just like your stance on crime,
29
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according to Denny.
30
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What the heck?
31
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Pardon my French, Granny.
32
00:01:53,410 --> 00:01:54,490
What the heck?
33
00:01:54,970 --> 00:01:57,670
Pardon my French, Denny. But this is my
career.
34
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I'm going to make a change.
35
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:00,610
I'm going to make a change?
36
00:02:01,230 --> 00:02:06,330
Implying that what's going on right now
needs to be changed? That I'm not doing
37
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,249
a good job?
38
00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:11,330
Why'd you have to advertise to the whole
world that you think I suck a barrel
39
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of... Hello?
40
00:02:12,510 --> 00:02:16,210
Hello, this is Denny. Hey, buddy, what
are you... Tired of the fat -bloated,
41
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:20,290
flippy -floppy policies of our current
fat -bloated, flippy -floppy sheriff?
42
00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:22,950
Wait. On election day, vote Denny for
sheriff.
43
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,110
With your help, I'm going to make a
change.
44
00:02:25,550 --> 00:02:27,450
How are you doing that?
45
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:32,200
Robocall, our research showed that this
office had some undecideds. Well, I
46
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:37,280
ain't undecided. I'm leaning pretty
heavily toward voting for me. You can
47
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:41,620
your robot army, because I got flesh and
blood friends in this town. Hello?
48
00:02:41,820 --> 00:02:44,540
Hello, this is the Reverend. Oh, hey,
Reverend.
49
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:49,440
Your ears must be burning. Reminding you
to vote for Denny this November.
50
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:55,500
This county has become Satan's
playground under the current sheriff.
51
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:56,560
Vote if...
52
00:03:00,940 --> 00:03:03,180
All right, Reverend. I appreciate your
support.
53
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,500
Thank you for calling.
54
00:03:06,860 --> 00:03:08,760
Real person there, didn't he?
55
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:16,200
I'm Denny. I've lived in this town all
my life. Like you, I see what the
56
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:19,040
flippy -sloppy administration has done
to our county.
57
00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:21,420
Cozy enough to cram in on time.
58
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:22,620
Good night, little buddy.
59
00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:25,800
This jail is a revolving door for repeat
offenders.
60
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:27,510
That's this, Early.
61
00:03:27,570 --> 00:03:28,509
See you later.
62
00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:29,690
I built this by myself.
63
00:03:30,270 --> 00:03:34,530
Denny, you getting all this? Not to
mention all the lavish scramble parties
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the taxpayer dime.
65
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:39,250
Are we sure Diddy Wibble is a word?
There's a word.
66
00:03:40,990 --> 00:03:45,370
That's two words, Early. So vote Denny
for sheriff, because I'm going to make a
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00:03:45,370 --> 00:03:47,350
change. It's had people vote by Denny
for sheriff.
68
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:50,330
Damn. Now what the hell am I going to
do?
69
00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:54,730
Throw the bombs out. But, Early, I'm the
bomb. Throw the bombs out.
70
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,520
It's time to make a change.
71
00:03:56,860 --> 00:03:58,480
Hell, you're all flippy -floppy on
crime.
72
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,520
But, Early, you're the crime I'm flippy
-floppy on.
73
00:04:01,740 --> 00:04:02,780
Then you're going to make a change.
74
00:04:03,060 --> 00:04:06,220
I don't want no more diet sodas. I'm
going to vote for a man that I'd like to
75
00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:07,220
have a beer with.
76
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:12,920
Well, now you've had nine beers, three
dozen queens, and a lap dance.
77
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,079
You think I can count on your vote this
November?
78
00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:21,459
Now I want to vote for a man that I'd
like to have pay for me and my big
79
00:04:21,459 --> 00:04:23,120
right here to spend about...
80
00:04:23,370 --> 00:04:25,330
20 minutes in the campaign room.
81
00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:26,550
Right now.
82
00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:30,470
Yeah. Okay, but I can't do this for
everybody.
83
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,350
Some voters don't like Big Breast.
84
00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:38,130
You want to beat that runt Danny in this
here election, you just take my advice
85
00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:39,350
and crush his ass.
86
00:04:39,690 --> 00:04:42,110
Crush him? Like with dirty tricks?
87
00:04:42,510 --> 00:04:44,570
Crush him like with a car crusher.
88
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,280
Dress up a car crusher like a car wash
that says free car wash.
89
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:52,340
Then you tell Danny, look here, I want
you to go down to the car crusher, only
90
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:53,900
he thinks it's a car wash.
91
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:56,520
Then car crush Danny with a car crusher.
92
00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:58,320
Never mind.
93
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,500
Night -night early.
94
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,860
Remember what I said about crushing him
with a car crusher.
95
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,660
Hey, Boyd, you think I can ask for your
vote this November?
96
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:09,939
Well, I don't know.
97
00:05:09,940 --> 00:05:13,580
Danny is promising to make a change in
all these kinds of robberies they got
98
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:14,580
to...
99
00:05:15,740 --> 00:05:20,800
Is that early? Well, who the hell else
would it be? Oh, he don't mean no harm.
100
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:26,940
Stop calling here while I'm working. Put
me back on with Boyd, please.
101
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:28,440
Slap it off, Chatty Cathy.
102
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:33,040
Hey, Boyd, you're not too shot to vote,
are you? I want to talk to Denny.
103
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,580
This here is one of them robocalls.
104
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:40,540
The sheriff is busy now, crime -solving
a drug ring. Wait a minute.
105
00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,830
Please vote Sheriff this November.
106
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,930
This is Robot hanging up now.
107
00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:46,510
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
108
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:48,030
Oh,
109
00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:52,210
damn it.
110
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:12,390
No job here, guys.
111
00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:14,650
It's not going to be a real car wash.
112
00:06:16,130 --> 00:06:19,130
Hey, guys, get out of there. Get out of
the way.
113
00:06:22,470 --> 00:06:26,530
Who am I kidding? I ain't got what it
takes to do this.
114
00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:31,090
Damn right you don't. Your appeal to the
Latinas is soft.
115
00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:35,170
Soft? But these guys can't vote. They're
illegal.
116
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:38,420
Who's being naive?
117
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:43,980
Denny's vulnerable with undecideds. And
I happen to know that there's one thing
118
00:06:43,980 --> 00:06:46,900
worse than the Antichrist in the red
state.
119
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:47,979
What's that?
120
00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:49,780
Rodrigo Marcarpronto.
121
00:06:50,740 --> 00:06:53,060
He's no longer Denny.
122
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,940
He's Denny, the Democrat.
123
00:06:56,780 --> 00:06:57,960
Dios mio.
124
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:01,540
Granny, I can't go that negative. I
won't do it.
125
00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:06,540
Oh, well. Maybe they were right. You are
fat, bloated.
126
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,560
Flippy floppy. Enjoy working in the
private sector.
127
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:15,360
Right between Rodrigo and mustache
Rodrigo.
128
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:20,460
Fine. Let's do it.
129
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,580
This is a lie.
130
00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:29,020
There ain't no tax and spend Democrats.
Step aside, please, sir. We've got some
131
00:07:29,020 --> 00:07:32,180
Americans here who want to exercise
their God -given rights.
132
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,520
You are Trent, comma, Travis.
133
00:07:34,990 --> 00:07:36,210
You are Swayze, comma, Patrick.
134
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:37,770
You're Rock, comma, Kid.
135
00:07:38,070 --> 00:07:39,310
You're Rock, comma, The.
136
00:07:39,550 --> 00:07:42,070
You're Rock, comma, that movie, The
Rock.
137
00:07:42,310 --> 00:07:43,770
I'm voting to make a change.
138
00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:45,310
Oh, a dentist supporter.
139
00:07:45,570 --> 00:07:50,330
Okay. Well, you just put your little
idea in this slide, okay, honey?
140
00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:55,510
Wait, is that... That's a sweater, isn't
it? Sorry, poles are closed now. Hola,
141
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,190
bienvenidos, amigos.
142
00:07:57,490 --> 00:07:58,750
Do you even work here?
143
00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:01,670
I sure hope.
144
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,390
This is worth one vote.
145
00:08:04,670 --> 00:08:07,190
Yeah, we gonna make a change together.
146
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:09,990
You that little make a change midget,
right?
147
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,710
No, I'm the other one. I'm the one
that's fairly tough.
148
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:15,510
Whatever.
149
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:18,950
Oh, go back.
150
00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:21,430
I forgot my ID.
151
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:23,950
All right.
152
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:30,930
Come on up!
153
00:08:33,309 --> 00:08:34,409
Everybody say hey.
154
00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:36,530
Oh, God.
155
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:38,049
Early, these are dead bodies.
156
00:08:38,330 --> 00:08:40,030
Yeah, our ground game is strong.
157
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:42,690
Underground, you know what I mean?
158
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,490
They only needed the names, not the
bodies.
159
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:49,590
So I can keep all the jewelries I done
got. Look at here now. Free neck
160
00:08:49,590 --> 00:08:50,590
dressings.
161
00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:55,450
I hate that we've got to share election
headquarters with Denny. And they got
162
00:08:55,450 --> 00:08:57,370
the booth next to the jukebox, too.
163
00:08:58,180 --> 00:08:59,760
Like I don't like music.
164
00:09:00,020 --> 00:09:02,540
Hey, Sheriff, look at me and my big fat
tie.
165
00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,440
I'm a businessman, hell yeah.
166
00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:06,800
I'm a businessman, too.
167
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,380
Hell, you ain't never conducted no
business with no damn ones that know how
168
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:14,340
run no business. I'm the businessman in
this family, and don't you know how you
169
00:09:14,340 --> 00:09:16,680
don't never know how to build no damn
business with no business?
170
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:21,140
Now I'm twice the businessman you'll
ever be. Hey, uh, what's Mr. Halen doing
171
00:09:21,140 --> 00:09:24,700
over there sitting with Denny? And this
is the way the horsey rides.
172
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:26,740
Okay, hop down, cowboy.
173
00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:29,340
Attention, everyone. We have the
results.
174
00:09:29,580 --> 00:09:34,900
Please join me in congratulating the
sheriff, Denny!
175
00:09:36,540 --> 00:09:37,720
I'm going to make a change.
176
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:41,580
You should have crushed him in the car,
Crusher, when you had the chance.
177
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,820
What about all them dead folks who voted
for sheriff? Yeah, I voted for sheriff
178
00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:47,000
seven times myself.
179
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:53,740
Are you saying that this election was a
sham and that I arbitrarily chose Denny
180
00:09:53,740 --> 00:09:56,380
as sheriff because he's easier for me to
control?
181
00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:02,080
How dare you level such an absurd
accusation in front of the local
182
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:06,640
community? Yeah, the business community
is not happy. I demand a recount.
183
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:14,280
Fine. As dictated in the county charter,
we will settle this with... the
184
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,720
paper carnation.
185
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:21,880
My mother and your mother were hanging
out clothes. My mother punched your
186
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,700
mother right in the nose.
187
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,240
What color was her...
188
00:10:26,510 --> 00:10:27,510
Blood.
189
00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:29,010
Red, obviously.
190
00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:35,710
R -E -D is the color, and the new
sheriff is still Denny.
191
00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:37,450
I'm gonna make a change.
192
00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:40,250
Goddammit, that should have gone to
blue.
193
00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:46,030
Yep, I done told that fat -ass bald
loser that he was gonna make a change.
194
00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:48,930
Hey, how about topping me off on my
third diet soda pop?
195
00:10:49,150 --> 00:10:51,990
Deputy? So this is the big change,
Denny?
196
00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:54,060
Diet soda to soda zero.
197
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,960
Don't forget that sliding glass door.
198
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,060
That door's a change, too.
199
00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,280
Ready to wait, boys.
200
00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,320
Florbs. Triple letter score on that Z.
201
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,220
Florbs, come on, man. Oh, I'm looking
that one up.
202
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:07,520
Both of y 'all go look it up.
203
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,040
Come on out, bitches!
16573
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