All language subtitles for squidbillies_s07e06_from_russia_with_stud

My dreams,

all dead and buried.

Sometimes I wish the sun would just
explode.

Wait! Don't you think I'm going to
escape?

No!

I'll take...

God rest your soul, Cock Johnson.

But once you hit that wall in Pocono,
ain't enough headache powder in this

to put your brain back together.

Excuse me, Earl. My gout's acting up.
You keep your ass on the floor. That was

moment of respect.

This here is still a robbery.

Stop what you're doing right now.

Guess who's getting married.

I can't believe it.

Somebody's finally tamed this old rowdy
beast. That's wonderful news. Yeah, I'm

off the market now.

There she is out there on the hog.

God almighty, she's hotter than the
handle on the gates to hell.

How'd you meet her? You dope her up with
a rag?

Well, we just kind of hit it off. I'd
like to hit it off with them boobies. I

know what I'm saying.

Yeah, I know what you're saying, Earl.
Mammaries.

You know them glands that secretes the
milk?

Mammals got them.

They secrete stuff?

Yep. Once she spits out a couple of
young 'uns, and you don't want no

with her no more, you tire of her
quickly. Well, we're not going to try

children right away.

Not until next week, after our special
day, you know. On that note, Boyd, I

would like the rubber, please.

Well, I'm sorry, Sheriff. We'll plumb
out of those. I actually had the last

stolen from me just this morning.

Well, give me a holler when the new
shipment arrives.

I've waited 45 years. I guess I'll wait
another few days.

Why do you think he took that helmet off
if he was just going to put it right

back on? Get in the corner!

Marriage isn't all wine and roses.

Lord knows Charlene and I have had our
bumps in the road.

But as long as you go into the marriage
with the understanding that the woman

belongs to the man and is to do his
bidding, obey his commands, and harbor

ambitions of her own.

Sheriff, is she allowed to have a phone?

Arena, honey, you're kind of chewing up
my battery there.

So tell me, Irina, how did you meet this
young buck over here?

Funny story, actually. She was driving
an out -of -control bus that had a bomb

on board. Some maniac had put it on
there, and if she went under 55... I

we've all seen the movie Speed. But I'm
kind of anxious to hear the story from

Irina's surgically enhanced lips.

I request surgeon.

Here, surgeon. Honey, could you take
another one of your frequent smoke

outside for a minute? This 3BS is crap.

I want forest light or marriage is off.

Hit this phone.

Well, I've certainly got some fodder for
the senior spaghetti social this

Sunday. Look, Reverend, we're adults.

We know what we're getting into.

I can't in good conscience preside over
such a union, knowing that our youth

center, the Teen Chill Zone, is without
neon signage.

All right, fine.

But this needs to happen on Sunday.
Sunday? Oh, that's a busy day for us.

all the extra people, we may need a new
flat screen to play to the back row, you

know.

Fine. But you have to keep quiet about
this Russian cruise thing. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. I can tell you both are very much
in love.

Here we are.

Welcome to your new home.

This is small house for surgeons.

Well, we can move Mama's iron lung out
of the living room and put her down in

the crawl space.

Oh, no, please don't. She needs to be
more independent anyway.

Hey, I got something special I want to
show you out back, all right?

Surprise!

Surprise on me. Where is Paul?

You have other house? No, look, honey.

Potatoes. I planted them just for you.

Didn't you tell me you used to raise
potatoes or something?

I slaved in potato field from age four,
hands bleeding, so Papa could make vodka

in bathtub.

Then KGB shoot Papa dead in front of
family.

So, yeah, this is something fun we can
do together.

Y 'all raised goats too there, didn't
you?

Well, just take a peek over there. Who's
looking around the corner?

Drain the blood, so meat not spoil.

Honey, I gotta head into town to scrub
up for surgery.

Thank God it's still got the tag on it.

What in the hell are you doing here? You
ought to be back at your house with

that little gal of yours, making the
beast with two backs.

I guess I got some pre -wedding jitters
early.

Marriage is hard work, Sheriff.

And you know my record with work.

I do not do it. How'd you and Crystal
make it through all them tough times?

Listen, there's gonna be times when she
calls you a green -ass runt that ain't

no bigger than a damn booger. And when
that happens, you just got to whip off

your belt and show her the snapping
sound it makes.

It's just not like it was back in the
beginning on Tuesday.

I felt her really got a good look into
her soul during that speed date. But

it's all different.

Well, she's too damn good looking for
you.

Uh, thanks, Early. No, I mean, what if
she's seeing you? If she's gold digging,

she's digging in the wrong damn place.

You're paunchy, you're bald, you can't
do your job worth a damn.

See, I just stole your gun. Oh, damn it.
What is that hot -ass bitch seeing you?

I just wish she'd look up from that damn
phone and look me in the eye so I can

see if our love's still real.

I can find out.

Hell, it's just like trapping possums.
But you've got to set bait, and that

had better be leafy and green.

Hey, honey, sweetheart, did you get a
chance to listen to the band demos for

reception? I think these guys on the
railroad tracks look pretty cool. As you

know, I'm loaded, but we could save a
little money getting this DJ I know.

I need to go to town for faster
internet.

Well, hurry back. We got to pick out
some cemetery plots.

I'm not letting you get away from me.

Not even in the cold grip of death.

All right, what'd you find out?

Well, she wasn't going into town for no
fast internet. That's for damn sure.

See this fella right here?

She told me that guy was her brother.

She told me that, too. Oh, good.

Thank God it's her brother. Yeah, it is
her brother. You know, they was in there

a long time.

He's probably talking about the wedding,
you know. We'll just fast forward

through this.

All right, slow, slow, slow. All right,
and here.

In a row, looking fine as wine.

Couple of tasty bitches at my side.

You brought girls with you? A million
-hour playboy's got to look the part.

This year it's me offering to make love
to her on the hood of the Bugatti with

these two other womans also.

Bugatti? It's a rental. Thank God, too,
because it's at the bottom of the damn

ravine. That's something that's as hard
as hell to handle. Early, that money was

from Flash only.

I was supposed to return it to the
evidence room. You're missing the big

picture, Hoss. I offered to make love to
her, and she turned me down flat.

You know why?

Because her heart lies with you.

Well, I guess that's one way of looking
at this. That's right.

There they go again, talking about the
wedding.

Yeah. Talking real loud about it, too,
ain't they? Yep. Against the wall.

Repeatedly.

That's not your brother on top of you at
all, is it?

Look, he's detective now.

I'm the man, and you're supposed to obey
my commands.

This is over.

Present Mr.

and Mrs. Sheriff.

We're going to see a counselor after the
honeymoon.

She's committed to make it work.

Here's me cutting the cake.

Here's me dancing with Mama.

And here's Irina riding off on my
motorcycle with the guy that she said

brother. And here's Eve.

Telling everybody to stop throwing rice
at me.

Oh, man, you're looking kind of puffy in
that one. That's because I'm allergic

to rice.

I told Irina I wanted bubbles.

That's the one damn thing I asked her to
handle.

And here's the honeymoon.

Oh, Jeff, you ain't got to go through
all this again.

Are you sure you don't want to see me
playing mini -golf all by myself? Or

having the divorce papers served on me
at Ruby Falls?

That's a good 'un of me trying to drown
myself in the hot tub, ain't it? Well,

now, you still got your house, ain't
you? I mean, she let you buy her out of

right? Yeah, but I could never go back
there.

Well, why won't you? It's your home.

You should go there now.

Oh, it's not home. It's just a house
full of memories.

I think I'll just stay here with y 'all.

Family meeting on the porch.

Not you.

I'm gonna smoke his ass the hell out of
there. There's no way to treat him after

all he's done for us over the years. We
need to help him move on with his life.

Give him the closure he so desperately
needs.

I want to thank y 'all for your
hospitality and patience.

I know I hadn't been myself lately.

Oh, that's okay, Sheriff.

I know breakups are hard. I've been
through one recently myself. What is

Honey? Right so. You know, we're here
for you, Sheriff.

But sometimes the little baby bird can't
fly unless it's pushed out of the nest,

you know.

Heads up.

All right.

Oh, my God, help me now. All right,
there. Fly, little baby, fly.

Headlocker. Woo!

I got my man cave back.

Thank you. Yes