All language subtitles for squidbillies_s05e10_america_why_i_love_her

My dreams are all dead and buried,
sometimes I

wish the sun would just explode.

When God comes and calls me to his
kingdom, I'll take all your

sons of bitches when I go.

My turn.

Hell no. Hey, man, let me drive that
thing. Come on.

Don't touch the tram.

That's good.

I'm starting to feel a little hungry.

Again?

Yes, sir.

Well, down in Africa, they got little
baby young 'uns that are starving.

Why don't you do like him and wait for
somebody to please help?

You got food?

Oh, just cause somebody else wants what
you got, does that mean you gotta have

it? Hell, if the sheriff jumped off of
the slum -bitchin' bridge, would you do

it, huh?

Is it the Okalichi Bridge?

No. It's the Lackahatchee.

This sport seems just a little too
extreme.

I don't think I care to do this. Aw,
come on now. You got the dang swag,

nobody watchin'. Geronimo!

By a week's jump, he dead.

All right, then. I mean, I hate not to
conform.

Incentive Indian slur!

I ain't equipped to think for myself.

Me neither.

Daddy, I'm still hungry.

Here, Rusty. I think there's maybe some
mint dust in here. Nope. Only God

Almighty himself will provide for my
boy.

God will provide.

Eat anything you find. All you've got to
do is live off the land.

If it's food, that's your craving. Look
at all that amber waving.

It's all grain. A growing boy can stand.

But that isn't a weed. Dumbass didn't
plant no seed.

I ain't too fond of working with my
hands.

So what do we do now?

Grab granny to the plow. And beer gates
are brown with the sweat of a wrinkly

brow. Chow the land!

You want a fish fry, then the fish they
gotta buy.

Yank the bug at the bottom of the pond.

Then you wait 30 years for the brim to
reappear. Bet you to ask me and you'll

meet the great beyond.

If you're the one to kill it, then you
get to lick the skillet. Just make sure

you keep it on the scale.

Or your tongue buds are cauterized and
you are authorized to have a heaping

of squirrel split.

You know, like a sundae. Split implies
bananas, and I don't see any of those.

And this ain't cold and smelled fine.

That's more dessert for me.

This salad ain't valid unless you've got
your salad.

Nature's on all you can eat buffet.

That's here at the salad bar station.

That's a suggested donation.

But I'll be damned if I'm gonna pay.

Are we telling the field? I know that I
shouldn't, but I love banana pudding and

mac and cheese as high as your damn
knees.

Frightenators and taters, just don't
look at the waiter. Make a run for the

on three.

Three! Go, go, go!

There is hair in this thousand island.

Can I get cost on this or what? Nature
gave us dairy for all our culinary.

We got all the food that we need. Hey, I
ain't getting none. Try the warmer cow.

I'm touching a cow's dick.

It's a free meat and free manifest
destiny. This land was made for you and

Daddy, this ain't our land.

Blow that bora -bora right quickly.

That is like the space fence. It hurts.
Damn it. Now we're going to have to go

through this damn gate.

The heat.

Hold it right there.

Look out, son. The heat is amongst us.

Ah, damn.

Early this time you've crossed the line.

This ain't no line, boy.

This here be a fence.

And if such is my land, so I say it's
half mine.

Early, how can you steal from these God
-fearing men?

Hey, wait a minute now. Ain't that a
crescent moon and a star?

Uh, we're keeping the old rugged cross
in those beans.

It's the new Christianity.

It's very cool and modern, you know.
Yeah, but ain't that a photo of us? No,

no, it's Kenny Bean Logging. Highway to
the Danger Zone.

So please have a loaf of our homemade
bread. Take your oil -eating beast and

on your way.

For soon the bed of your creeks will run
red.

Thank you for coming, and have a nice
day.

Sorry if I cast any doubt.

Everything here seems to check out.

Do it over. I'm driving. Not till we get
around the corner. I understand the

risk of saying this and all, but I need
some food. Damn it!

Ain't you learned nothing from that
first song? God will provide.

No, no, no, wait, please.

Please, let us take the hungry, angry,
suggestible young man for the afternoon.

We are having marshmallow roast.

Daddy, can I say? Daddy, I want to say,
please. Can I say, Daddy?

Whatever.

Have a good one.

Well, uh, Early, I'm sure glad Rusty
found him some playmates there, uh,

dangerously older than him.

Ah, ain't nothing gonna happen. He ain't
very sexy with that damn acne.

Ain't nobody gonna get in line for a
piece of that.

That a house of God looks like a facade
for training death

squads and claiming jihad.

We're just saying, ain't it odd?

You know, these singing birds have got
kind of a point there.

Yep, only two sources I trust.

Glenn Beck and Singing Woodland
Creatures.

Listen to the animals.

Or better, understand them.

The Holocaust was big.

So was moon landing.

Now what about Obama and his birth
certificate?

He was born in Hawaii. That ain't no
God's earth state.

He was born in Hawaii.

That ain't no God's earth state.

Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill JFK.

He's a giant slime horse built by the
CIA.

It's benign and immortal. There's a
government receiver planted in your

I get my newsman's favor. I know I ain't
insane.

Listen to the animals if you want to
hear the truth.

We got a quarter horse who ain't a
puppet for the Jews.

Hey, little birdie, tell me. Peninsula
gives you AIDS.

Don't ever go to the doctor.

They're going to shoot you up with AIDS.

Early,

I wouldn't trust any of these animals to
tell you the truth.

Remember back when Florida?

Had all them pain chats.

Should have been a damn recount.

What? Well, Gore won the popular vote
and he should have had a recount, I

Talking animals, that don't make no damn
sense.

Well, all right, Early.

Putting in bull, bud? What we're doing
is digging a liberty hole straight to

China. We're attacking from underneath.

Uh, yeah, that's right. Let's get
this... yellow business out of here so

really take it to those lead -peddling
Orientals, but good.

Don't get them in the feet!

All right, now hold on a minute.

I have no idea what this is.

Yep, I don't recognize this at all. Y
'all carry on.

Well, what the hell is it?

Yellow cake!

My heart is a -blutter.

I found me a suitor.

A handsome young man is after my
cooters.

I met him trolling on Hezbollah hotties
when I posted shots of

my hard, nubile body.

It's for her alone that my lonely heart
aches. If she'll only share

with me her yellow cape.

And I'll take her hand on a yellow cake
walk as long as she

stays behind seven arm length.

He said I would know him by his good
hook. My hands were cut off for reading

that Da Vinci Code book.

We will quap spit when I lift up my
veil.

But first we'll conduct the yellow cake
sale.

Well,

what have we got here? Oh, you brought
your friend. Okay, let's keep it about

doing this. Oh.

Is that the yellow cake? Back in a way.
Let's get to know... each other better.

I understand you come from a large
family.

I have 17 wives. I don't think this is
going to work out. We're not clicking,

you know. I need my space.

Come back.

I'm gay.

I think right now.

You dumb

bitch. You've been trying to knock your
damn boots with the Alcaters. At least

he knows how to treat a lady.

I hate to interrupt, but your land's
covered in radioactive uranium ore.

Oh, hell.

I put that in my mouth.

Why is it your first instinct to taste
everything?

Look, what I think Denny's trying to say
is that these Alcatas put all this

yellow stuff all over your land.

Nope.

Want to take it from your land? There
you go. So they can use it to invade

Alabama.

No, definitely not that. But then why?

Yellow cake's concentrated uranium oxide
obtained through the milling of uranium

ore. It's all they need to create a
nuclear bomb.

For the Alabama thing, right?

Brothers, our destiny has arrived.

I give you the yellow cake.

Aw, hell, Granny, you done give away
that teddy cake? I got a half off at the

erotic bakery because it had a rat
pelvis in the frosting.

Do not despair, my brothers.

We have another connection to the yellow
cake.

I like cake.

What y 'all looking at?

Hey, let me have that rat pelvis.

chicken that you can eat.

See, I was told it was made up by Libra
Media.

Hey, man, you like video games, man?

All right.

It's called Bejeweled. It's a new thing
that came out. I like it. This is a

joystick. Point and click and you aim.

That's that man right over there?

Yeah, it should be.

Just stay away from the crotch area,
man.

I'm about to get real busy, man.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. You don't get divergence
unless you take others with you. Wait,

that's not fair. You can't change the
rules.

That thing wrong.

Rusty buddy, come here. You must
understand, growing up is all about

responsibility. And claiming it.

To eradicate the nation of the hidden.

That's the Jews.

It was us who did it.

If your inbox is crammed with increased
shopping and scam, it was us who did it.

When you're walking down the road and
you feel a heavy, low diarrhea.

Excuse me, no.

No, I am not going to take credit for
global diarrhea.

No. We did it.

You must take it.

Hold on a second. Hold on. Wait, wait,
wait.

What do you mean about all that? Before
you grow up, you must blow up stuff.

Don't listen to the words. Dance to it.

Curly, take a peek at Rusty over there.

Who now? Your son. Your only son.

Look, they got him kneeling toward
Watkinsville.

Yeah, I think that's Mecca. Well,
Watkinsville's over there, too.

No. And look at his dress and demeanor.

He's clearly on drugs.

Rusty, you got drugs on you, boy?

You holding out on me in front of me?

Oh,

hell, early talk to the boy.

Why don't you not hang out with him? He
ain't got no drugs. Let him know you're

there, boy.

It's too late, ain't it?

They grow up so fast.

We really let him down, didn't we?

We? Well, they.

Some mention Jackal. What kind of father
were they?

You pawned Rusty off on that band
Jackal? During the formative years.

That chainsaw guitar guy?

Yeah. Early.

I did what any parent would do.

I turned the boy over to a band of
traveling musicians during a summer

It was all I was willing to do.

We taught you how to drive.

Where the bait is coming from?

Well, I'm glad you asked me that, son.

Grab that poopy alpha willy.

He must show you how it's done.

The ejaculate leaves the penis, and that
fluid is called semen. But does Roman

have to be here?

Hell, man, that's called double semen.

Hey, Daddy.

Rusty.

I've missed you so.

Is that chicken?

Get on over here. Run them milk -capped
roaches. Get away.

Behind it by a flader.

Wait a minute.

This jacket's filled with fake dynamite.

Filled with drugs.

Don't put it in your mouth. Oh, come on,
man.

Yep. Tastes bad. Because it's real
dynamite. The hell? Oh, man. I put that

mouth. The boy's wearing a herd jacket.
Clearing the perimeter. Clearing the

perimeter.

So, how's your new school going? That's
been fine.

We're supposed to have a class tomorrow
about keeping women into place and all,

but I guess I'll be absent.

Hell, I forgot more than I ever knowed
about that. Watch this. Granny, drop

wrinkle sheet you call a face down there
and put your nose on that knothole.

Right now.

All right. I am in control, baby. This
makes me feel like a big -ass man. Have

you said something about dynamite?

This wire.

Right here.

Daddy. Daddy. No. See you on the flip.

The chicken was good.

That was a close one.

Hell yeah.

Democracy wins again.

Let freedom reign.

And all the young 'uns of the world will
hold hands and fight.

Oh yeah.

Okay.

Knock it off.

Stop singing.

Look, they're coming.

Oh, hell.

Come on, let's get out of here.

I ain't a back in office land.

No way, no how, no far.

Yeah, well, you're going to need a
little help.

I called the drive -by truckers. Damn
it, I'm conducting an ass whooping. Not

compiling a village for it. Fast up,
Leo.

Oh, I just thought they could. Thought
they could what?

I don't know. I mean, they play guitar.

Can you come on?

Don't you startle me. I collect
autographs. That's my hobby. I don't

for all the books you read.

I don't need yours or them drive -by
truckers. Hell, I'll take on them damn

Alcatas all by myself.

Now, they're going to get some damn
blood for their oil.

Them sumbitches ain't going to set foot
on Tyler's store.

Hell no.

1,

2, 3, 4.

I'll be damned!

Come on, Granny. Wait.

Where is the yellow cake?

It's gone.

Well, what the hell are we supposed to
do with this land?

God will provide.

Early, early. Please, stop.

Yeah. Well, you know, you could always
invade Alabama.

We could invade Alabama. No, no, no, no,
Alabama. We just need a little restroom

break and then I'm ready.

How about you be American?

We're the number one country on this
planet.

Hell yeah!

Democracy wins! Early, early. Please,
stop. Being American is the thing to do.

That way you can help us get rid of all
the immigrants.

America is the land of opportunity if it
ain't nothing else.

Really? The possibilities are endless.

It's always a great day.

Is there any milk at the fillet?

Hi, have you tried our macadamia nut
brown?

Never mind.

We gave them all concussions.

Who bought white and who bought treble?

We ain't afraid to start no quibble.

You haven't shed that hand.

I'll sell you all this land.