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My oldest son was born an albino.
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My youngest is a covered in hair.
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00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,680
The middle one says he's a homosexual.
4
00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:24,440
And the other seven gone, I don't know
where.
5
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I raised them right. They ought to be
mine.
6
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,160
My turn.
7
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:38,920
Hey, Early, come on out here. I got
something amazing out here I want you to
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00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:39,920
see.
9
00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:43,000
Nope. Suck it.
10
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Come on, Early.
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00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,700
I'm seeing things out here I can't
believe.
12
00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:49,760
Okay, you piqued my interest.
13
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,640
That's great, Granny.
14
00:00:52,020 --> 00:00:55,560
Now, if we could just get Early to join
us, well, that'd just be... Oh, he ain't
15
00:00:55,560 --> 00:01:00,260
here. He got him a job selling Bibles
door to door. Thank Jesus.
16
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:05,440
Is he smoking some sort of drug pipe in
there? Well, he needs to get his mind
17
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,000
right. Tales is a high -pressure gig.
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00:01:08,580 --> 00:01:13,900
Well, I'm glad to see he's matured and
accepting some responsibility. How do
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like this?
20
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:15,920
My ass in the winter.
21
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I don't like it one bit.
22
00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:23,300
Me neither, but he likes the clothes
strong. Come on, Granny.
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00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:26,340
Well,
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00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:28,640
here it is.
25
00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:36,190
It's everything you said it would be.
Damn it, lady, I'm trying to smoke here.
26
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:38,190
I'm talking about contraption, Granny.
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It's a holodeck. You can use it to make
your wildest dreams come true. My
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wildest dreams are coming true. Granny,
leave him alone.
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00:01:47,150 --> 00:01:50,470
Hey, how about a little privacy, buddy?
I don't judge your lifestyle.
30
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Okay, Kenny, you know the fantasy.
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That's wonderful.
32
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,840
That tastes like a biscuit. Do I?
33
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,000
Next time I want three puppies.
34
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:09,779
Balls out.
35
00:02:09,780 --> 00:02:14,280
Oh, I want to try and eat meat. Just
imagine what you want most in your life,
36
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:15,520
and it'll be yours.
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00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,080
Oh, my goodness.
38
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,960
My fantasy.
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00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:22,460
What's happening?
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Sweet release.
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00:02:29,839 --> 00:02:30,839
Granny?
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Not now.
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00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:37,020
Just let me soak this in for a little
while.
44
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:41,580
Okay. It's just making me sad, Zal.
45
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All right, fine.
46
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,560
Let's see.
47
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:50,060
Mammy? Mammy, is that you?
48
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,480
There, there, darling.
49
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,260
You're with your mammy now.
50
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:58,200
That's where you are. You're with your
mammy. Oh, mammy. Why did you run off
51
00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,440
with your friend Lamar?
52
00:02:59,710 --> 00:03:04,370
and drop me off at the post office in
the box labeled free, baby?
53
00:03:04,730 --> 00:03:06,550
I did do that, didn't I?
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00:03:07,010 --> 00:03:09,290
That was wild.
55
00:03:09,630 --> 00:03:11,230
You with your mammy now.
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00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:16,130
Ain't nobody gonna hurt you in this
whole big world. Enough, Lumber!
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00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,830
Mammy! Granny child!
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00:03:20,110 --> 00:03:22,650
I'm gonna get floppy in here, Hoss. Oh,
hey there, Early.
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00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:25,350
I knew you'd come around sooner or
later.
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00:03:25,690 --> 00:03:26,690
Here we go.
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00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:29,910
Did I do one?
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00:03:30,850 --> 00:03:31,850
No.
63
00:03:32,570 --> 00:03:34,730
You can't force it. Just kind of relax.
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Did I do one?
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Uh -uh.
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00:03:39,430 --> 00:03:42,750
You're getting a nosebleed here. I think
that was one, wasn't it? No.
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00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:46,470
I think I feel one coming on.
68
00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:52,470
What was that? Was that one?
69
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:57,200
Didn't I do one? No, not really, no. I
was fat, damn close to a magi -fine, and
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00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,100
you interrupted my fucking damn son of a
bitch and a magic peddler. Just send
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him to Panama City.
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00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:05,900
Hell yeah!
73
00:04:06,060 --> 00:04:07,240
Pee, pee, pee, baby!
74
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,620
Hey! Yeah!
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00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,820
And no consequences for your actions,
neither.
76
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,220
No consum equitas?
77
00:04:22,770 --> 00:04:25,350
Consequences. You know, the result of
doing something.
78
00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:28,350
Like when you drink liquor all weekend.
Brown or see -through?
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00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:30,050
Well, either one.
80
00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:32,630
How much liquor? I got to budget out my
weekend, you know.
81
00:04:34,250 --> 00:04:38,130
I'm talking about consequences. You keep
saying liquor. Where the damn liquor
82
00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:39,130
at?
83
00:04:39,430 --> 00:04:42,650
The early real point is... Oh, no, no. I
get it. I totally get it.
84
00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:44,330
Consequence -ify my thirst.
85
00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:47,230
Let's go hog -ass wild right now. Come
on. See, see, see.
86
00:04:53,860 --> 00:04:54,860
There you go.
87
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,900
You're getting the hang of it, Erlie.
88
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:32,740
I hate to keep interrupting your
holodeck experience there, but maybe you
89
00:05:32,740 --> 00:05:37,460
try something different. Hey, E -Dog, am
I going to have to flush this turd?
90
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,480
Stay cool, Devin. Let me handle it. Like
what, long dog?
91
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:41,800
Well, anything.
92
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,620
You got all the space and time at your
command.
93
00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:49,200
Bam, you're right. What the hell was I
thinking? Hey, bring that fool closer.
94
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,160
Jump, jump, jump.
95
00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:58,920
Yeah, E -Dog. Should have made it a
little bit boozy too early.
96
00:05:59,580 --> 00:06:00,580
Yeah, bro.
97
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,880
Let me see. Hell, yeah.
98
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,180
Now, let's go beat the holy hell out of
some of them dolphins.
99
00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:10,220
Hey, Daddy. I want to whoop a dolphin's
ass. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You want to bump
100
00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:12,060
with me? You want to bump with me?
Kevin, chill.
101
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:15,740
It's all good. It's all up in your
grill, man. I'll handle it, Hoss. I'll
102
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:17,440
it. Son, what are you doing here?
103
00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:21,560
Now, don't take us the wrong way, but
you don't exist in my perfect dream
104
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:26,060
In my dream world, I wasn't so damn
insistent about riding bar back all the
105
00:06:26,060 --> 00:06:29,940
time. Well, I got up in that holodeck
thing, and I knew I could have anything
106
00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:33,740
wanted to. Now it's my fantasy that you
and me, you know, we'd spend some time
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together, Daddy.
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You're right, son.
109
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,000
You're right.
110
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But it's just I wish you weren't so damn
boring.
111
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:44,600
I get so busy getting caught up in
things that are more interesting than
112
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:49,400
that I lose sight of what's really
important, like having somebody to watch
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00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,000
ass during a criminal endeavor.
114
00:06:52,310 --> 00:06:53,310
What you putting on me?
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00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:54,530
Shut your damn mouth.
116
00:06:54,750 --> 00:06:55,870
This here is a future suit.
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00:06:56,470 --> 00:07:00,490
What the hell? What is this, Eddie? We
in the future, but we from the past,
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00:07:00,610 --> 00:07:04,390
right? We know what happened in all them
UFC stock car races and cult fights,
119
00:07:04,530 --> 00:07:08,670
don't we? We bet the monies on them
contests here and then take them
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00:07:08,670 --> 00:07:10,890
back to the past and hell, we live like
kings.
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00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:14,330
Now, Daddy, I don't think you can bet on
something that's already happened, can
122
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:15,330
you?
123
00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:16,430
They don't know that.
124
00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:20,650
Hell, I don't know that. They from the
future. We from the future. We making
125
00:07:20,650 --> 00:07:21,650
damn rules here.
126
00:07:21,950 --> 00:07:23,210
Ain't these people mad in there?
127
00:07:23,630 --> 00:07:26,470
And even if they wasn't, ain't they been
in the past just like us?
128
00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:29,570
Dammit, you ain't listening.
129
00:07:29,790 --> 00:07:30,830
They're from the future.
130
00:07:31,090 --> 00:07:32,510
It's a damn different time.
131
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:35,830
So then we just spent money on something
that's already happened?
132
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:37,050
Yeah, that's the thing.
133
00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:39,350
Give me some monies. You got money,
right?
134
00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:40,950
No.
135
00:07:41,930 --> 00:07:44,830
Well, now this is how we get the money,
with this whole betting thing.
136
00:07:45,270 --> 00:07:47,490
Well, we could just make up some money
with that mine.
137
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:51,490
No, that ain't gonna work.
138
00:07:52,090 --> 00:07:55,170
Uh -oh. Where are we now?
139
00:07:55,410 --> 00:07:57,570
The question is, when are we, son?
140
00:07:58,430 --> 00:08:01,590
I'm afraid we're at a painful crossroads
in our nation's history.
141
00:08:02,050 --> 00:08:03,750
It's here, September 10th.
142
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:07,650
So we gonna stop them Jews from doing
it, ain't we, Daddy? No, no, son. We
143
00:08:07,650 --> 00:08:09,890
mustn't interrupt the flow of time and
crap.
144
00:08:10,550 --> 00:08:15,130
Get your 9 -11 shirts, folks. Come on
now. Here they are. No, Daddy. We can
145
00:08:15,130 --> 00:08:17,870
actually stop it. I can contact the FBI.
You don't understand.
146
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:19,570
It will impact... The shirts!
147
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,510
Yeah, fine, whatever. It's a holodeck
anyway.
148
00:08:24,830 --> 00:08:26,150
Time's up. Get out of here.
149
00:08:26,370 --> 00:08:27,370
But the shirt!
150
00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:29,930
What the? All right.
151
00:08:30,270 --> 00:08:33,030
How'd y 'all like the holodeck? What the
hell you think you doing?
152
00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:37,590
I'm sorry, Early. I just kind of had to
keep you busy in that holodeck while I
153
00:08:37,590 --> 00:08:42,010
repossessed your, uh, truck, boat,
truck, boat, truck, uh, wave runner
154
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,230
My flea!
155
00:08:46,970 --> 00:08:51,390
I'm sorry, Early, but doggone it, you
got a bad habit of walking all over my
156
00:08:51,390 --> 00:08:56,030
feelings. Nobody's going to treat me
like the big man I know I am unless I
157
00:08:56,030 --> 00:09:00,130
the big man out of the back seat and put
him behind the wheel. On that note,
158
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:05,010
good day, Mr. Collar. I said good day.
159
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:09,810
That sheriff's a good fella.
160
00:09:10,030 --> 00:09:11,030
I like him.
161
00:09:11,210 --> 00:09:15,210
Can't I see that he's an officer of the
law and as such deserves my respect?
162
00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:20,220
Oh, I've learned my lesson. I have seen
the error of my perpetrating weapons.
163
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,760
I will never break the law again. I will
never break the law again.
164
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:25,960
Time's up.
165
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,800
Dang, that felt good.
166
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:32,240
You know, Doc, that holodeck therapy was
a good idea.
167
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:34,340
You know, I think I had a real
breakthrough.
168
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:39,360
You know, sometimes therapy helps to
visualize things, especially things that
169
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:42,760
you will never possibly achieve in your
waking life.
170
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,030
Well, uh, What are you saying here, Doc?
171
00:09:46,330 --> 00:09:51,510
Even in your own fantasy, you only half
listen to you. And you're also insecure,
172
00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:56,590
and you haven't made any progress at
all. I mean, this is just a colossal
173
00:09:56,590 --> 00:09:57,590
of time.
174
00:09:57,950 --> 00:09:58,950
Oh.
175
00:09:59,110 --> 00:10:00,870
Well, what should I do?
176
00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:05,670
Well, you have a gun. I mean, you figure
it out. That's... You know, either way,
177
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:09,870
I've got to be out of here by five. Now,
get your fancy country ass off my land!
178
00:10:09,990 --> 00:10:11,530
You know, what I'd like you to do is to
get your...
179
00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:16,400
To remove your stanky country ass from
my land. Or I'll make mouth love to you
180
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:20,060
with the barrel of my shoddy. I would be
obligated to make mouth love to you
181
00:10:20,060 --> 00:10:22,360
with the barrel of my shoddy. Okay?
182
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:28,620
You know that during these sessions it's
really more helpful that you be out
183
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:34,500
here talking about your feelings and not
just masturbating in my holodeck. What
184
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,359
do you mean?
185
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,620
I've grown a lot in these sessions.
186
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:40,920
I mean, right back there in that booth,
I done grown about six. I knew you were
187
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:44,800
going for a joke here, but... And while
it's amusing, I'm late for my next
188
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,460
appointment, and this shirtless carny
and I are going to... We're going to go
189
00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:50,880
totally family style on your confused
grandmother.
190
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,880
I found only group therapy really does
it for me anymore.
191
00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:57,910
Oh, no.
192
00:10:58,110 --> 00:10:59,790
So this one actually happened then, huh?
193
00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:00,990
Oh, look at him.
194
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:06,850
Watching his first homemade porno. Take
a picture, Granny. Today, you'll become
195
00:11:06,850 --> 00:11:07,850
a man.
15989
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