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1
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My oldest son was born in Alabama.
2
00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:13,700
My youngest is stubborn in hair.
3
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The middle one says he's homosexual.
4
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:26,140
The other seven's gone. I don't know
where and I don't care.
5
00:00:26,620 --> 00:00:28,360
I just don't care.
6
00:00:28,660 --> 00:00:29,398
My turn.
7
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,540
Hey, man, let me drive that thing. Come
on.
8
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the tram.
9
00:00:36,180 --> 00:00:37,180
Hey, now.
10
00:00:39,020 --> 00:00:40,020
Hi, baby.
11
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You like me some good hair?
12
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,620
I like me some good hair, too.
13
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:53,320
Well, your nipples is erecting. Hey,
which way we think is party downstairs?
14
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,780
Let me just get down here.
15
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:57,640
Come on, now.
16
00:00:58,260 --> 00:00:59,260
Loosen up.
17
00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:00,780
Early. Early.
18
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,219
What the?
19
00:01:02,220 --> 00:01:03,740
Them papers is 25 cents.
20
00:01:04,060 --> 00:01:04,779
Hell no.
21
00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:08,360
You done priced yourself out of the damn
market. Damn media.
22
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,240
Bull mouse.
23
00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:11,820
Hey. Hey.
24
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:14,840
It's me.
25
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:17,820
Did you get my text?
26
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:19,039
Nuh -uh.
27
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:20,018
Didn't send one.
28
00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:21,520
Hell, you can't read, you dumb bitch.
29
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,020
Nothing. Then I wouldn't make love to
you if you was the last woman on Earth.
30
00:01:29,260 --> 00:01:30,860
Well, don't come over then.
31
00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:32,220
Well, I won't.
32
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:38,100
If I was not to show up in 20 minutes,
would that work? I mean, would you be
33
00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:41,560
there in 20 for me not to be there if
you was the last woman on Earth? I'm
34
00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,560
my cousin.
35
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,560
Is there anything you won't bang?
36
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:47,020
It's a C.
37
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,100
Oh, browser temple.
38
00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:50,420
Two of them.
39
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,360
Lord, please let me have this extra
chunky threesome, and I will forever
40
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,640
gospel is better than the devil's music,
which we both know it ain't. Amen.
41
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,520
Ladies! Uh -uh. Don't answer him,
Crystal.
42
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:02,280
He's just not that into you.
43
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,520
Hey, come on now. Give that cousin a
hug.
44
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,440
Bet you ain't seen her in a long time.
45
00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:07,980
Bet you missed her.
46
00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:10,400
Yeah, and then a hand on the thigh.
47
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,680
Let's loosen up and have a little bit of
fun here.
48
00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:16,280
No, sirry way. No way. No how.
49
00:02:16,890 --> 00:02:18,790
Come on, now. I'm a God -fearing woman.
50
00:02:19,150 --> 00:02:21,050
I won't do nothing out of marriage.
51
00:02:22,450 --> 00:02:23,490
We married.
52
00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:25,570
And we married.
53
00:02:27,110 --> 00:02:28,590
Oh, no.
54
00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:32,570
Rusty, you don't need to be seeing this.
Go play in the yard with your
55
00:02:32,570 --> 00:02:34,870
stepsisters and brothers.
56
00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:37,930
Woo -hoo! All right!
57
00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:40,390
Wake up, you drunk fool.
58
00:02:40,790 --> 00:02:41,890
You're done married.
59
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,960
That's what the Lord told me to do.
Yeah, he never said that. Jesus says he
60
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:47,960
never said that.
61
00:02:48,020 --> 00:02:48,759
But wait.
62
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,120
What'd you say, Lord? Who are you
talking to?
63
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:52,019
Shut up, woman.
64
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:53,020
Men are talking.
65
00:02:53,220 --> 00:02:53,959
What's that?
66
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,780
That's not me at all. You're giving me a
vision. What?
67
00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:58,340
They don't say a thing to me.
68
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:03,520
That I must seek to matrimonialate
multiple women like a smart son of a
69
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:04,520
down there in Texas.
70
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,660
What Bible do you have? Are you making
this up as you go along? Oh, and they
71
00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:11,320
shall be barely legal. No. And their
skirts shall be short and slight of
72
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,480
tuniness. You didn't even have that kind
of language. And their t -shirts, he
73
00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:19,780
shall wet the... Herbie, you're going to
ruin my end with Jesus. And I just got
74
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:23,760
him to forget about that Ponzi scheme I
ran in the 70s. Leave me be.
75
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:28,240
Well, I must now seek repose in the
apple bosom of my husky betrothed.
76
00:03:28,859 --> 00:03:34,140
Deliver unto them my manly pleasures,
hard and with much speed.
77
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,000
Oh, early, multiple wives.
78
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:41,180
Well, why don't you just kick Jesus in
the crotch? I was going to do this on a
79
00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:44,180
big -ass blimp at the tractor pull, but
hell, here goes.
80
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:51,680
I'd like you to be my bride, number one.
Oh, early? If you'll have me. A churchy
81
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:56,880
wedding. Two young lovers bound by
blood. The hottest of passions.
82
00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,930
between them through physical intimacy.
83
00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,210
Granny, come on. We're gone, Chasen.
84
00:04:02,890 --> 00:04:07,290
Now, look, we gotta book that venue now
because that stuff, Chasen, and I don't
85
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:08,970
want a DJ, I want a band.
86
00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:10,228
Hey, Randy Ruth.
87
00:04:10,230 --> 00:04:13,650
How's it hanging, boy? I've already
gotten some demos. How about you
88
00:04:13,650 --> 00:04:16,870
that blimp with the proposal on it? Most
of them are lame as hell. What do you
89
00:04:16,870 --> 00:04:20,050
mean you can't return my damn deposit?
Pick a caterer. That's very important.
90
00:04:20,050 --> 00:04:21,529
All right, then. Just tweak the
barbitage.
91
00:04:28,910 --> 00:04:29,910
Do you love him?
92
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:31,470
Do you love him?
93
00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:38,890
Y 'all ever watch Cops?
94
00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:43,890
I can't think of the stage, really.
95
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:51,130
Y 'all ever watch Cops? Okay, Christian
singles.
96
00:04:51,530 --> 00:04:53,230
Let's make some connections.
97
00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:57,130
Monogamy. Yeah.
98
00:04:58,010 --> 00:04:59,010
You've got to be faithful.
99
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:01,410
Faithful. You know, you've got to be
tired.
100
00:05:01,770 --> 00:05:06,890
Tired. All right, let's have all the men
stand on this side of the room and all
101
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,510
you women come introduce yourselves.
102
00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:13,290
But otherwise, remain silent and
obediently follow whatever your new life
103
00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:17,630
partner tells you to do. For you were
created from an expendable bone from
104
00:05:17,630 --> 00:05:18,950
Adam's hairy, rippled chest.
105
00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:21,810
The Bible says... Reverend, what women?
106
00:05:22,930 --> 00:05:25,210
It's like a chorizo party in here.
107
00:05:27,230 --> 00:05:29,710
We're losing our females to Early's
cult.
108
00:05:33,810 --> 00:05:35,290
Hey, Daddy, I got me a girlfriend.
109
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,750
My step -sister, Dorothy. You mean my
wife?
110
00:05:38,390 --> 00:05:39,770
You smooth, Daddy.
111
00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:44,510
Coxmanship. I guess I'll go over here
and swing. Not with my wife, you won't.
112
00:05:44,650 --> 00:05:48,770
You don't mind if I go over here to this
fuel filter, do you? Not with my wife,
113
00:05:48,810 --> 00:05:53,130
you won't. I better go propose to the
seesaw. Not with my wife, you won't.
114
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:56,720
I can see their boobs with these space
glasses.
115
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:57,959
Give me that.
116
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,820
Let somebody that can be professional
look at these bazoons and see what's
117
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:02,820
on.
118
00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:05,620
Damn, those are boobs, aren't they?
119
00:06:08,060 --> 00:06:09,240
Let's do this thing.
120
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:11,880
Early collar.
121
00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:13,600
This is Sheriff speaking.
122
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,440
Get inside now. Go on.
123
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,120
Let us in.
124
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,320
In time is upon us, my folk.
125
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,100
Oh, I am troubled, and my eyes wish to
behold a make -out session.
126
00:06:24,460 --> 00:06:28,540
Go on, 27, you just get on down there
and lay down with 26. It's a make -out
127
00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:30,380
session. He's mocking us.
128
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:31,720
Start to take, Denny.
129
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,480
What the hell?
130
00:06:37,540 --> 00:06:38,600
What the hell's this?
131
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:42,660
He ain't gonna be able to take this
long, I guarantee it.
132
00:06:48,010 --> 00:06:49,530
This doesn't seem to be working.
133
00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:55,490
These boys
134
00:06:55,490 --> 00:07:02,470
just don't have a lot of range, do they?
Yeah, this is a South Beach extended
135
00:07:02,470 --> 00:07:05,510
remix. Hey, man, you see that dark
-headed one over there?
136
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,010
Making out with the big one?
137
00:07:07,390 --> 00:07:10,130
Is it just me, or she keeps looking over
here?
138
00:07:10,370 --> 00:07:11,530
I like it, son.
139
00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,830
Yeah, the groove is pretty tight.
140
00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:19,450
Come on now, baby. Let's cut this thing
loose.
141
00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:23,970
Early, you want ice to get us? Oh, you
best stay out of it.
142
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:25,970
Oh, we'll restack the can good.
143
00:07:26,950 --> 00:07:27,950
What the hell?
144
00:07:28,570 --> 00:07:30,950
The government is going to burn us down.
145
00:07:31,350 --> 00:07:36,050
The day has come, people. Do you hear
me? Early, it ain't like that at all. We
146
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:39,590
just came to meet other singles for
friendship and maybe more.
147
00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:44,250
You with the dark hair under the
slightly larger one, what's your name?
148
00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,820
You ever watch that show, cops?
149
00:07:47,140 --> 00:07:48,500
Sheriff, I'm afraid they all took.
150
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:50,119
Married to me.
151
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,580
I'm sorry, Early. I didn't see a ring or
nothing. Marm wire is the ring.
152
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:55,619
Oh, well.
153
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:59,880
See, what we do here is we create an
underage woman for me to marry out of
154
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,000
women that I done and married.
155
00:08:01,340 --> 00:08:05,460
And by doing this, we was able to create
a younger, finer, good -looking woman.
156
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:06,800
And they all mine.
157
00:08:07,580 --> 00:08:09,980
Early, you just seem so happy and
together now.
158
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:13,000
It's great to see you found some, uh,
ones.
159
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,900
God tells me what to say.
160
00:08:15,380 --> 00:08:16,760
And then I tweak it a little bit.
161
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:19,840
I put all the sex spin on it. That's how
I do.
162
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:23,380
You know, Early, I like to join things.
163
00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:27,380
What's a guy got to do to get in on
something like this? Oh, it's easy.
164
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:29,880
You just got to make two women join in
with you.
165
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:31,120
Preserve the ratio.
166
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,799
And cut your testicles off. Uh, wait a
minute. Hold it.
167
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:37,820
How many women did you say? Two.
168
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,900
Well, if I could find two women, then,
hell, I wouldn't need to join. They
169
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:47,340
you know, be one, just one but one,
bequeathed to have it, and to bangeth
170
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,460
own way with it.
171
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:49,720
Read you, scholars.
172
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,900
Well, look, let's meet halfway.
173
00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:57,240
How about I bring one woman and cut one
nut off? Let him keep a nut.
174
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,960
Hold on, hold on, let me ask.
175
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:05,360
God, willst thou accept one clacker and
one woman from this lonely pilgrim?
176
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,650
No, he said no. Two nuts it is.
177
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,350
Oh, damn it.
178
00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:14,830
Well, I'll be back this afternoon.
179
00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:19,030
Okay, we're all set for lima beans. I
got them stacked nine high.
180
00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:20,450
Lord, tell it me low.
181
00:09:20,670 --> 00:09:24,630
They should be moved again to yet
another corner of the room.
182
00:09:24,910 --> 00:09:30,090
Best do it now before you cause him
anger. And then maybe we can consummate
183
00:09:30,090 --> 00:09:32,210
on... Let's just tackle them beans
first.
184
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:50,540
Just drink this, okay? Just drink it,
damn it. Praise be the church of the
185
00:09:50,540 --> 00:09:51,620
early... Talks over with.
186
00:09:51,940 --> 00:09:56,120
But you said God said we'd all be...
Come on now. Let's not get into he said,
187
00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,139
God said.
188
00:09:57,140 --> 00:09:58,300
Well, what happened?
189
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:03,520
Unholy menstrual cycles all in tandem as
the damn tour de France of ball
190
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:04,520
-busting victory.
191
00:10:04,780 --> 00:10:05,800
Ball -busting.
192
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,500
Those were the days.
193
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:12,280
Can we... Can we go into the party, ma
'am?
194
00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:14,060
The biggin' stays.
195
00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:15,820
You get on in there.
196
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,300
Get you some fruit punch.
197
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,800
All right, fruit punch.
198
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,360
Uh, Denny, wait, stop.
199
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:27,160
Bring me out a glass, too. I like that
fruit punch. All right, Den.
200
00:10:29,140 --> 00:10:33,480
Look, I don't mean to be a jerk, but you
said this was a way for me to meet
201
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,020
willing singles in my area. No, I just
started a church, so I ain't got to pay
202
00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:38,020
no tax.
203
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,500
I ain't so sure you've ever paid taxes,
have you?
204
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,700
No, I don't pay no taxes, no.
205
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:48,220
Got awful quiet in there. Yep, party's
over.
206
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,500
Well, how you gonna break the news to
the girls?
207
00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:52,360
Oh, I think they got the message.
208
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,300
Hmm, thanks, Denny.
209
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,560
Ah, that grape hit the spot.
210
00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,780
And burned the hole right to it.
211
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:04,580
Oh, damn.
212
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:05,600
I feel something.
213
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,260
I ain't about to play no sumbitchin'
tag.
214
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:33,860
I walk with Jesus.
16743
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