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1
00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:08,960
Somehow I got spinal meningitis.
2
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Injecting all that hashbray in my spine.
3
00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:19,560
It's a super cheap way to party.
4
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:24,920
If you ain't killed some brain cells in
some time.
5
00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:28,580
Good luck getting that child support
check from me now.
6
00:00:28,780 --> 00:00:29,479
My turn.
7
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,560
Why am I a little bit drowned last
night? Come on.
8
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the tram.
9
00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:37,310
The mysteries of the universe.
10
00:00:38,710 --> 00:00:41,950
Soon, they shall be mysteries no longer.
11
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:46,770
Behold, the colossal subterranean
particle accelerator.
12
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:53,210
This marvel of technology is capable
of... I have no time for your puffery.
13
00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,050
it make a black hole or not?
14
00:00:55,510 --> 00:01:00,860
Well... Basically, it smashes protons.
Yes, yes, I got that. And that's leading
15
00:01:00,860 --> 00:01:03,260
to a giant... What?
16
00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:10,000
A giant understanding of subatomic
particles. Yes, but after that,
17
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:16,740
ultimately, in the end, opening a
giant... A window to the
18
00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:18,660
understanding of... Just say it! A hole.
19
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Okay? Fine, I said it. A hole. All
right.
20
00:01:22,030 --> 00:01:23,930
Allow me to pose a hypothesis.
21
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Say that, hypothetically, I accidentally
slayed a prostitute during an eight
22
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,010
-ball -fueled weekend of debauchery.
23
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:37,470
I know it sounds silly, but just stick
with me. Would this rift in space -time
24
00:01:37,470 --> 00:01:43,470
be a good place to dispose of such a
hypothetical and now entirely lifeless
25
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:49,090
body? Well, yeah, but it would also sear
everything in existence down to
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subatomic particles. Then you have my
interest.
27
00:01:52,030 --> 00:01:55,210
I trust you will keep Georgia on your
mind.
28
00:01:57,790 --> 00:02:03,770
So that's your offer for this massive
works project? A bushel of peaches? Why?
29
00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:05,490
What is Dothan offering you?
30
00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:11,410
Nine farm fresh eggs. A moron's dozen.
Leave it to Dothan. Then it's such
31
00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:13,110
peaches trump eggs.
32
00:02:13,390 --> 00:02:16,050
You, frame out the harlot. And smile.
33
00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:24,430
Uh, based on what I'm seeing here, I
think this is going to be a tough sell.
34
00:02:24,430 --> 00:02:28,990
no, no. I've tailored your video to
appeal more to the local populace as
35
00:02:28,990 --> 00:02:32,290
drag their jaws through the street like
common simians.
36
00:02:32,650 --> 00:02:33,650
Roll it!
37
00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:37,490
You'll like you some science?
38
00:02:37,970 --> 00:02:39,810
Then you're gonna love this.
39
00:02:41,710 --> 00:02:47,850
Folks call me Dr. Horny. You know what
that means. I love boontech. But enough
40
00:02:47,850 --> 00:02:48,809
about your mom.
41
00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:51,910
I'm here to tell you about something
you'll need in your town.
42
00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:57,330
This here thing's called Dougal County
Speedway. It's just one big -ass
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00:02:57,330 --> 00:02:59,310
racetrack for teensy little stock cars.
44
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It's cool as hell.
45
00:03:03,470 --> 00:03:05,250
Show us your tits.
46
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:10,140
Let us build one of these in your
municipality, and I ain't saying your
47
00:03:10,140 --> 00:03:13,080
will grow an inch, but I ain't not
saying it ain't either.
48
00:03:13,580 --> 00:03:17,500
You don't need science for that. It
helps me all the time in the bathtub.
49
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:21,080
Ain't that one of them things that makes
a black hole that swallows up space and
50
00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,540
time? You know, not even like it, it's
taping off. Don't rush to judgment, boy.
51
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,520
In matters of science, you must turn to
religion.
52
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I don't understand it. So it's an
abomination!
53
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,160
Oh, boy. Here we go. Leave!
54
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,240
Let us rise above ignorance.
55
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:39,480
Let us embrace modern science.
56
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,480
And let this man build the earth
-swallowing black hole.
57
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,560
I don't think they're buying it. Fine,
fine, fine.
58
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:51,040
I hereby declare a period of public
comment.
59
00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:53,640
Oh, I want to make a public comment.
60
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,120
It's my turn to public comment.
61
00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:01,020
Uh, Leslie, today I ate me some of them
Dell pickles I got. Go now.
62
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,160
Build your whole swallowing machine
quickly. Actually, you know what? I'm
63
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:06,160
some ethical concerns.
64
00:04:06,460 --> 00:04:09,900
You know, if this thing works, it could
bring me in. Oh, no, no. I understand.
65
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:14,540
We wouldn't want to lose any or all of
these valuable members of society.
66
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,820
You can spread them on a sumbitching
cracker. You know, just melt in your
67
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,019
And their pressing pickle concern.
68
00:04:20,339 --> 00:04:22,630
Delicious. We'll go get those fighting
sports.
69
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:27,650
Okay. What else y 'all hear about me?
Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Baba Booey.
70
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,530
Hearken to my words, devil.
71
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We won't know part of your sinful and
godless mathematics.
72
00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:37,990
Come out, unholy lasers.
73
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Come out.
74
00:04:39,230 --> 00:04:40,230
Wait a minute.
75
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:41,530
Holes and lasers.
76
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:47,020
Oh, I've been saving six years for that
treatment. No, sister.
77
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:52,760
I'm going to hem these curtains up and
let some light back into the pelvic
78
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:57,340
parlor, boys. Hey, you think you can
kick my ass with your mouth, do you?
79
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,500
Let's go.
80
00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:02,280
Oh, you're writing something now? You
trying to formulate on how you're going
81
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:05,400
kick my ass? Hey, man, you got them
Georgia Tech nerds shaking, didn't you?
82
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,880
on, come and get me. I ain't going
nowhere.
83
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:12,260
You better watch out. He's an unknown
funny. My bass times my velocity equals
84
00:05:12,260 --> 00:05:13,260
your ass.
85
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:14,440
Now,
86
00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:24,900
just so y 'all know, Mr.
87
00:05:25,140 --> 00:05:29,360
Halen says I gotta impose brutal martial
law on y 'all if you step out of line.
88
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:34,940
But life's so short, and if you boys
feel like you need to open a can on that
89
00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:38,180
stranger over there, well, just follow
your bliss.
90
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,160
Now, we all gonna die anyway when this
thing turns on.
91
00:05:41,660 --> 00:05:43,360
How come we ain't smashing stuff up
more?
92
00:05:43,820 --> 00:05:45,640
Hmm. That makes sense.
93
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:46,659
That's right!
94
00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:51,020
I say we race it down hell! It's the
wrath of God working through me!
95
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:52,220
Stop it! Animal!
96
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:56,440
They know they've got nothing to lose.
Fire up your horse, wallower, now!
97
00:05:56,860 --> 00:06:00,220
Yeah, you know, I really wish you
wouldn't call it that. Fine! How does
98
00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:04,220
-hogging slut -drain grab you? You think
this is the only illegal thing I have
99
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:05,220
to do today?
100
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:06,540
Fire the weapon!
101
00:06:11,630 --> 00:06:12,670
Come on.
102
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Work, damn you.
103
00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:23,290
Yes.
104
00:06:26,230 --> 00:06:28,290
Damn it. Come on, hail in here.
105
00:06:42,410 --> 00:06:45,710
down and dismantle it. No, no, that's
not how it works, okay? You can't just
106
00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:48,510
shut it down. Oh, that's right. Leave it
on, leave it on.
107
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,310
They have bingo bridge.
108
00:06:50,590 --> 00:06:54,790
You can be with people your own age who
relate to your interminable story.
109
00:06:55,710 --> 00:06:57,690
It's dark in there. Your eyes will
adjust.
110
00:06:58,330 --> 00:06:59,330
Seal it forever!
111
00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:08,450
Dark. Nice talking to you. I have a
thing at noon.
112
00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:10,370
Men of science!
113
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:14,610
You have torn asunder the great good
works of the Creator.
114
00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:17,910
Oh, Lord, secretly I've always believed
in you.
115
00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:24,230
That is a load, my friend. Oh, God, take
me with you to heaven. No, no, no, no,
116
00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:25,850
no, no. I am not your God.
117
00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:33,570
Look, he's my stepbrother. The Lord God
has no father who was divorced?
118
00:07:33,970 --> 00:07:34,970
Twice, bro.
119
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:40,750
That didn't make the book. Don't talk
trash about him now. Oh, come on.
120
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,310
You think he's powerful?
121
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,630
Check this out.
122
00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:45,250
Bam!
123
00:07:46,510 --> 00:07:47,510
Alternate universe.
124
00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:50,370
Six days plus a day of rest, one day
here.
125
00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:54,190
What up? Do the math, Chinese people.
What the hell are you looking at? Hell,
126
00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:57,050
don't know. I ain't quite figured it
out. All right, well, who in the hell
127
00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:00,390
You sure got your hell of a lot of
questions there, Chinaman. You call me a
128
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:01,390
now? Hell yeah.
129
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,610
Maybe you ought to come down here and
explain it to me. Wait.
130
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,230
How can two...
131
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:10,600
Filers exist in the same space -time
continuum. It's a damn conundrum. Hey,
132
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:15,760
drink party liquor? Well, hell yeah, I
do. Drink hell out of it. Oh,
133
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:16,760
That's all, mate.
134
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:18,240
Sucks for you, man.
135
00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:21,060
He was the only one who truly understood
me.
136
00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:23,700
Kid Rock, too.
137
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,540
Except a damn midget wouldn't let me
near him.
138
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,740
So, your only sit -down restaurant is
also your gas station?
139
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,380
What a...
140
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,820
Come on, let's stack mountains on each
other or something fun.
141
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,900
Let's turn cows inside out.
142
00:08:40,159 --> 00:08:43,559
How do you live here?
143
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:45,800
There is nothing to do.
144
00:08:46,140 --> 00:08:51,200
Nothing. Brother, perhaps you were
brought unto us for a reason.
145
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:58,720
Yeah, I doubt this was the reason. What
a thrill to see the entire filmed works
146
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,420
of Kirk Cameron back to back.
147
00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:04,440
Quite literally in the right hand of
God.
148
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,040
Stepbro.
149
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,140
Stepbrothers, sibling almighty.
150
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,440
I've got to sit you down, bro. My wrist.
151
00:09:10,820 --> 00:09:12,000
Ready for another one, gang?
152
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,280
You know what?
153
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:17,300
Ow! What's going on here? Kirk! All
right.
154
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,760
Hi, Mr. Cameron. My name's Rusty. Did
you know that the banana is the perfect
155
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,100
fruit? What?
156
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,660
I'm working in mysterious ways here.
157
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:26,900
Oh, no!
158
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,040
Oh, wah, wah, wah.
159
00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:34,740
They were crappy movies. I heard that.
160
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,120
Forget this.
161
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:38,700
Anyone cool, come with me.
162
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:41,200
Whoa, whoa, Purple, where are you going?
163
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:43,340
But I'm really cool.
164
00:09:44,860 --> 00:09:45,860
Aw.
165
00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:49,180
Now, why don't you try using your powers
to create your own universe?
166
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:50,660
You know, get a fresh start and
everything.
167
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,380
Gay. All right.
168
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,040
Can I have a mini bike?
169
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:59,840
Uh, how about a slightly used trooper
cruiser? Back me up here now, all right?
170
00:10:01,599 --> 00:10:03,720
Look in that way. No, no, no, no.
Straight ahead.
171
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:08,800
And, uh, okay, one... Oh, there we go.
Magic. Look out.
172
00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,740
I ain't even got my learner's permit
yet.
173
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:14,460
I'll just make it legal. Boy, to do
that, you'd probably have to go down to
174
00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:15,460
courthouse.
175
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,280
All right, it's legal.
176
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:19,080
Woo! I'm a Blake fan!
177
00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:19,999
Woo -hoo!
178
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,720
You're a just and righteous guy.
179
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,940
I worship no other guys before you.
180
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000
Suck up.
181
00:10:27,740 --> 00:10:28,960
You love God, Lil?
182
00:10:30,550 --> 00:10:33,190
I suppose I'd love him more if I got
sick or something.
183
00:10:33,930 --> 00:10:36,290
What the hell does he have that I don't?
184
00:10:36,730 --> 00:10:40,830
Not a thing, sailor. You're a bad boy
and I like it.
185
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,930
Yeah, I'm getting a little old to play
that card.
186
00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:48,450
When my bro was building this whole
universe thing, I'd call him a nerd.
187
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:51,410
Try to make him mess up by revving my
Harley real loud.
188
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,470
It was funny in his tits.
189
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,170
Look at him now.
190
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,490
Look at me.
191
00:10:58,830 --> 00:10:59,910
You own a Harley?
192
00:11:00,510 --> 00:11:01,590
Yeah. Damn!
193
00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:02,890
Where is it?
194
00:11:08,870 --> 00:11:15,870
What the hell's the
195
00:11:15,870 --> 00:11:16,689
matter with you?
196
00:11:16,690 --> 00:11:18,270
Why don't you love me back?
197
00:11:41,580 --> 00:11:43,120
I love pooping.
16017
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