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1
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:08,740
My dreams are all dead and buried.
2
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:14,160
Sometimes I wish the sun would just
explode.
3
00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:22,400
When God comes and calls me to his
kingdom, I'll take all your
4
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,780
sons of bitches when I go.
5
00:00:25,140 --> 00:00:29,000
My turn.
6
00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,540
Hey, man, let me drive that thing. Come
on.
7
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:32,900
Touch the tram.
8
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:36,660
Breaker, breaker, horn dog.
9
00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:38,340
Anybody got their ears on?
10
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:41,880
Yoo -hoo!
11
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:46,820
Don't be shy, boys. I'm freakier than a
lot lizard, and I like to show my boobs
12
00:00:46,820 --> 00:00:48,740
over. Who's that breaker out there?
13
00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:52,980
This is loose Lucy looking for a rag
chew with a sexy trucker man.
14
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,400
That's ten -four, Lucy. This poppy dog
about to pick me up over the assload of
15
00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,400
pine cones over.
16
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:01,100
How about you drop off a load while
you're here?
17
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:07,420
Run a little convoy down below the
beltway. All access roads are wide open
18
00:01:07,420 --> 00:01:11,320
the scales are off, honey. You've got
to... I get that you want the sex.
19
00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:15,600
We'll say I'll make a dirty detour and
we'll hit you up on the flip -flop on
20
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:20,480
Amber Alert sign south of 441. You copy
me? That's a 10 -4 on that one, fat
21
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,480
buddy.
22
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,560
It's awkward seeing you set up dates
like this.
23
00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:53,680
I'm going to get laid if it kills me.
24
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,520
You ever think about meeting someone at
church or internet date or something?
25
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:01,980
Ooh, like that site where they put them
fire poppers up your butthole?
26
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:05,380
Now, that's a good one. No, not that
specific site. But why?
27
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:10,060
That's how I met your great -grandpappy.
That woman? Ooh, he loves him a good
28
00:02:10,060 --> 00:02:13,960
butthole. I told you not never, ever,
not no, damn, don't never, verbulate
29
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,540
man's name in this house again.
30
00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:17,440
I don't think she said his name.
31
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:22,080
Some of us were a little too busy
banging to exchange business cards.
32
00:02:22,380 --> 00:02:24,560
And don't you go Facebook him on the
iBox neither.
33
00:02:24,780 --> 00:02:27,020
Sheriff says you raised him down to hell
down at the library.
34
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,260
Yeah, you know I did.
35
00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,060
You go strong or you don't go at all.
36
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:40,200
And also, don't y 'all never not never
shoot at no gas cans in the house unless
37
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,120
y 'all in an unventilated area.
38
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,520
Close the windows.
39
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:44,900
I'm sorry, Daddy.
40
00:02:51,399 --> 00:02:53,100
Boo. There it goes.
41
00:02:54,380 --> 00:02:55,780
Come on, son. Breathe in.
42
00:02:56,220 --> 00:02:57,220
Go on, boy.
43
00:02:57,580 --> 00:02:58,580
That's it.
44
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:01,100
As close as you ever going to get to a
damn birthday party.
45
00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,120
Happy birthday.
46
00:03:04,180 --> 00:03:09,480
Oh, this is just how your great
-grandpapa used to get off.
47
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:13,400
But back in those days, all we had was
horse fart.
48
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:16,800
Oh, those were happy, happy times.
49
00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:19,530
We was all slaves back then, of course.
50
00:03:20,370 --> 00:03:25,130
And I, well, I was the happiest slave of
the bunch.
51
00:03:29,030 --> 00:03:34,730
We slaves used to have happy contests
just to see how happy we could be.
52
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:39,410
The prize was the kiss from Rat Butler.
53
00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:41,470
Oh, Mr.
54
00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:44,190
Butler. Oh, you're so forward.
55
00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:48,270
Put one of them hands on my ass. and the
other one around under my ear.
56
00:03:48,630 --> 00:03:49,950
Now lick clockwise.
57
00:03:50,890 --> 00:03:52,090
Oh, Mr.
58
00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:54,810
Butler, I'm not used to this.
59
00:03:55,530 --> 00:04:01,850
Yeah, he had a reputation for sexing up
the slaves, and that made the slaves
60
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:03,130
even happier.
61
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:08,570
Wow. So Rat Butler is my granddaddy?
Well, no wonder I got that smooth
62
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:12,410
way with the ladies like Rico Suave.
Right, Granny? Oh, he ain't your
63
00:04:12,410 --> 00:04:15,630
grandpappy. I gave him a handy by the
cotton gin.
64
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:20,800
He must have been real impressed,
though, because all he kept saying was
65
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,240
couldn't believe he did that with me.
66
00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:28,400
Watch
67
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:35,340
it
68
00:04:35,340 --> 00:04:36,340
now.
69
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,400
Coming out at you.
70
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,980
Taking her back. Taking her back.
71
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:42,500
Spread the sand. Spread the sand. Take
her back. Take her back. Don't wait a
72
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:42,999
minute now.
73
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,920
You're telling me he was a slave now?
74
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,160
Uh -huh.
75
00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:47,189
A happy slave.
76
00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:48,670
I was the happiest slave.
77
00:04:48,950 --> 00:04:49,950
Glory days.
78
00:04:50,030 --> 00:04:53,910
You betcha. Now, granted, I've only been
homeschooled, but wasn't there
79
00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:57,330
something in those days that had to do
with racialistic injustice?
80
00:04:58,350 --> 00:04:59,710
Racialistic what you cause?
81
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:04,010
You know, like when one race kind of
gets the upper hand on another and kind
82
00:05:04,010 --> 00:05:05,430
runs with it for a few years and
everything?
83
00:05:06,450 --> 00:05:08,210
Not that I can recall.
84
00:05:09,590 --> 00:05:11,950
Guess I was thinking about Canada, huh?
85
00:05:12,610 --> 00:05:13,610
There you go.
86
00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:15,550
Canada.
87
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,620
Big black fella, I recall.
88
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,340
Oh, but don't you dare reveal our family
secrets.
89
00:05:21,660 --> 00:05:24,340
Flash boy, this story must be told.
90
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:29,800
I was having one of my rare off days in
the slave field.
91
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:35,620
So, some days I just feel like packing
up and quitting the slaving life for
92
00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,400
good. Monday, right?
93
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:43,260
I said Monday, right? Go easy, go easy
now.
94
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,400
Damn it. We all get the blahs.
95
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:51,820
Some days I can't even imagine having to
crack this whip across your bleeding
96
00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:55,380
back and everything. It just seems like,
oh, please don't make me go through
97
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:59,320
that. But come on, let's buck up. It's
almost the weekend, isn't it?
98
00:05:59,580 --> 00:06:00,580
I don't know.
99
00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:04,040
And then you'll pull a double. Pick the
cotton faster.
100
00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:05,880
Then I saw him.
101
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,140
Dr. Julius Irving.
102
00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:17,520
My great -grandpappy was a doctor? Dr.
James. they called him. But he ain't,
103
00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:21,640
he wasn't no medical doctor or nothing.
You gonna pick apart my whole story?
104
00:06:21,980 --> 00:06:23,980
That man was a wizard in the paint.
105
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,660
All right. All right, I'll take it. Hell
yeah. Dr.
106
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,080
J is my grandpappy. No wonder I got the
skills to pay the bills.
107
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,560
Now check out this dog. Oh, no, I gave
him a handy jammer and he disappeared.
108
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:38,900
Something about playoffs and needing to
focus and it's been fun. Hey, y 'all
109
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,340
seen them stickers what look like bullet
holes?
110
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:45,560
It doesn't have any real relevance to
this. Yeah, I'm gonna get me some of
111
00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:48,200
and I'm gonna stick some bitches on the
back of my truck boat truck, you know?
112
00:06:48,260 --> 00:06:51,620
Make it look like I got into some kind
of badass gun battle or what have you.
113
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:52,920
Running from the law.
114
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,640
Yeah.
115
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:58,160
So I'm gonna go do that.
116
00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:05,220
Your great -great -great -granddaddy
liked his decals and banners.
117
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,120
He put them up on water fountains and
bathrooms.
118
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:21,640
So that was my great -grandpappy. I
know. That's what I was just talking
119
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:26,340
Oh, I'll tell you about your great
-great -granddaddy, Rusty. He was a fat,
120
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,260
stupid, thieving, hairy -as -crap butt
-grabber who wrote rubber checks to
121
00:07:30,260 --> 00:07:31,260
prostitutes.
122
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,540
And guess who caught his eye?
123
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:38,180
I miss my people!
124
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,440
Cost no $4 .95 neither.
125
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:59,060
They look almost real.
126
00:07:59,820 --> 00:08:02,460
Anyway, go ahead. Continue your tale.
127
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:03,760
I'm finished.
128
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,620
Wait, who's my great -granddaddy?
129
00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:08,080
Oh, that. Right.
130
00:08:09,220 --> 00:08:13,000
It was a dark, scary night.
131
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:19,720
I was out creeping in the graveyard with
my old corpse and shovel.
132
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:22,120
Forgive me, Jesus.
133
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:28,500
Enough pieces to stitch together a
million monsters!
134
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:34,500
Oh, man, a couple of extra little
stitches in the butt.
135
00:09:02,349 --> 00:09:06,650
Grandpappy? Well, sounds like your
grandpappy to my memorization.
136
00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:09,330
Yep. He was a smoker.
137
00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:11,690
Smoking from his head and torso.
138
00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:13,290
His feet, beard.
139
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:16,030
Just about anything that would slam it
to us.
140
00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:18,710
Some bitch was on fire, I reckon.
141
00:09:19,570 --> 00:09:21,110
Corpsey, sharp corp, or stank.
142
00:09:21,990 --> 00:09:24,910
Pungent. Well, did he ever like to do
grandpappy things?
143
00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:28,710
He ever bounce his kids on his knee or
some crap? I do recall him bouncing a
144
00:09:28,710 --> 00:09:29,710
knee off my forehead.
145
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,420
Another couple times he bounced it off
my nathers.
146
00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,540
Yep, you could say he was a knee
-bouncing fool.
147
00:09:35,940 --> 00:09:41,220
Well, my great -grandpappy was just a
bunch of body parts all sewn together
148
00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:42,320
it's on fire.
149
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:43,700
Was it a monster fellow?
150
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,840
Oh, no, no, he's just a friend.
151
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:47,900
Well, that's a benefit.
152
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:49,340
Well,
153
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:50,660
then who was it?
154
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,140
Who was my grandpappy, old woman? Tell
me, damn it. Use the knife, son.
155
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,079
Like this?
156
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:59,060
That's right. Right there in the soft
meat. Now tell me, damn it. Do I? Do I
157
00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:04,820
have a great grandpappy? Come on. It was
a virgin bird from when Jesus, he came
158
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:07,820
down. No, no, no, no, no. You do not
drag me into this one.
159
00:10:10,660 --> 00:10:11,660
Fine.
160
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:13,460
Fine.
161
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,000
Your grandpappy was nitro of the
American... No, no, no.
162
00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:22,480
You gave me a handjob behind the
Eliminator. That was it. The DNA proved
163
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,180
the Jury of Greed. All right, fine,
Derek. I told you it's nitro!
164
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,400
I don't know.
165
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,020
How about General Sherman? Would you buy
that?
166
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:34,960
General Sherman?
167
00:10:34,980 --> 00:10:36,480
What now? Yeah, let's go with that.
168
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:41,120
Well, that mean that, uh, that mean
we're Yankees. You saying we Yankees?
169
00:10:41,380 --> 00:10:44,820
yeah, I guess we would be, wouldn't we?
170
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:48,290
So we did win the war. Oh, yeah.
171
00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:53,070
We won the damn war, baby.
13905
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