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1
00:00:04,739 --> 00:00:08,840
I gave all my best years to that woman.
2
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:14,080
All she gave me was mouths to feed.
3
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,480
A miracle straight from the loins of
Jesus.
4
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,860
Since Charlie blew off both my
terrapins.
5
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,780
1969, Cameron Bay.
6
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,520
I might not be proud of that, but come
on. Touch the tram.
7
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:39,160
Oh.
8
00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:43,620
Oh. Oh, Lord.
9
00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:48,220
Tiggers! Yeah, family style.
10
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,340
Give me one, too.
11
00:00:51,220 --> 00:00:53,420
Rusty, fetch the preserve jar.
12
00:00:53,860 --> 00:00:55,280
Look, Daddy, up in the sky.
13
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,780
Judgment Day is coming.
14
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,040
Oh, yes it is. Bomb them all, the
kingdom come.
15
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,300
Woo! Bag them and tag them, stack them
and rack them. Heed the words that I
16
00:01:11,340 --> 00:01:13,240
Let God sort them out.
17
00:01:13,780 --> 00:01:17,180
America is number one. All right, all
right. Please, please, shut up.
18
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:21,020
I am not the Air Force.
19
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,560
Oh, I get it. Our horse, Black Ops, come
found the primitive age of mine.
20
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:26,699
Daddy, look.
21
00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:30,720
Sunspots coming out of the spigot.
Either this is spring break at P .C.
22
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,980
we're in some damn Jamie Kennedy
experiment. That is blood.
23
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,760
A sea of blood.
24
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,360
Don't get no better than this.
25
00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:45,060
Okay, they're drinking the blood.
26
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:52,680
What the hell? What the hell with it?
You know, you just, you're disgusting me
27
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,680
here.
28
00:01:57,640 --> 00:02:02,120
I am one of the poor horsemen of the
apocalypse.
29
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:10,199
Witcher. What is that? My grasshopper?
These are locusts
30
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:15,200
with human faces and the tails of
scorpions.
31
00:02:17,540 --> 00:02:20,040
He's overcompensating.
32
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:21,760
Hey, one word.
33
00:02:22,540 --> 00:02:26,480
Apocalyptic horseman. Boom. Warm.
34
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:32,540
Famine, death, and grasshoppers. Well,
now, one don't quite belong, does it?
35
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,740
Prepare for the end of days.
36
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,560
Consider yourself one.
37
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,220
Let's get that...
38
00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:03,710
Never gonna look up my boy's butt.
39
00:03:04,030 --> 00:03:08,490
What's the real issue? That's when all
the good people fly out of their clothes
40
00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:10,410
straight up into heaven.
41
00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:11,710
Like Superman?
42
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:14,870
Yes. But completely new.
43
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:19,010
Gonna be one hot tangle of bodies up
there. I know you don't need to eat or
44
00:03:19,010 --> 00:03:22,090
drink. Cause I'm gonna be banging all
day.
45
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:23,770
Ready?
46
00:03:52,590 --> 00:03:55,370
to agnostic areas and put your faith in
him.
47
00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:00,710
Praise Jesus.
48
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,170
Praise him!
49
00:04:03,730 --> 00:04:06,950
Are you gonna meet the Lord with that
tiny dick?
50
00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:09,870
It'll look a whole lot bigger when we
get to heaven.
51
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:13,750
I have to say what's all worth it! Screw
every last one of you!
52
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,730
Am I looking at the right thing?
53
00:04:19,910 --> 00:04:20,910
Judgment day.
54
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:25,640
I guess there was a reason for the
seats.
55
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:31,280
Okay, this is Big Crimson Daddy. Stop
production on all sex toys immediately.
56
00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:33,020
Where? Everything?
57
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:39,580
Uh, I could maybe fold the anal beads
team into yo -yos, but no vibrators.
58
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,420
Can't we just call them back massagers?
59
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,700
No.
60
00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:48,820
Yes. Yes, we can make that work. I'll
call Sharper Image.
61
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:50,120
What about this, Santa?
62
00:04:51,999 --> 00:04:56,800
The Kalashnikovs with the drum -type
rear sight and the fixed stock. Oh, God,
63
00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,740
that's a nice weapon. Uh, let me hold
off on that.
64
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:01,899
Roger, look.
65
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,700
It's happening. What? Get back down
here. It's happening. Wait.
66
00:05:04,940 --> 00:05:06,800
You told us we have no soul.
67
00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:08,120
You're still my flame.
68
00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:14,560
Merry Christmas, Afghanistan.
69
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,800
Goodbye, you dumbasses that told me to
study algebra.
70
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,460
Goodbye, Patrick Swayze poster.
71
00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,520
Goodbye, truck boat truck. Don't you
worry, Russell. The truck boat truck
72
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,580
meet us at the pearly gates.
73
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:25,860
It's got the GPS.
74
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,720
You can't even bog in heaven.
75
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,659
Do what?
76
00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:29,660
Ain't no mud.
77
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:31,100
Uh -uh.
78
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:58,160
There's people flying around. You might
want to step aside as I fly forth into
79
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,160
the heavens, hmm?
80
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,600
Jesus will want me quickly.
81
00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:03,300
Might take your arm clean off, boy.
82
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,480
Oh, excuse me. You do what you got to
do.
83
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,480
Any minute now.
84
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:12,460
I'm praying for you, Reverend.
85
00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:16,000
Yeah. A little further back, boy. Oh,
sorry, sorry.
86
00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:17,700
Oh,
87
00:06:18,340 --> 00:06:21,900
how do you do that? Just like you said,
Reverend.
88
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,960
Yep. It's our time, boy.
89
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:25,460
We're coming home.
90
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,240
Well,
91
00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:31,220
this is awkward.
92
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,960
If you wouldn't mind, would you lock up
the store?
93
00:06:35,060 --> 00:06:36,060
Oh,
94
00:06:37,460 --> 00:06:38,460
come on!
95
00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:42,180
$4 ,398.
96
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:43,920
$4 ,399.
97
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:50,160
$4 ,400. And that's it. Peter, we're all
full. Wait a minute. What about me? I'm
98
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,100
sorry. $4 ,400 is the cut.
99
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,700
Why don't you hang outside here?
100
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,780
You know, with the babies who can't get
in because they weren't baptized.
101
00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,120
But wait. Why don't you just wait until
Monday? Things might open up a little
102
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,180
bit. People might reject heavenly
paradise.
103
00:07:03,420 --> 00:07:08,420
You never know. But you brought me up
here. I mean, you know, not like I
104
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:11,160
a ride. I'm sorry. It is our policy to
overbook.
105
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,700
My high school body.
106
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,420
Thank you, Jesus.
107
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:17,840
Mondays, right?
108
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,160
Lift with your wings.
109
00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:31,039
How's it look, boy?
110
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:31,879
Are we clear?
111
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,880
Yeah, we clear.
112
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,480
I think that son of a bitch is gone.
113
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:35,700
All right, then, let's roll.
114
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:36,800
Wait, wait, wait.
115
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,120
Two, four, eight.
116
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,680
Oh, you left the damn subwoofer behind.
117
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,620
What's the point of stealing fine -ass
speakers if you ain't got that fine -ass
118
00:07:45,620 --> 00:07:46,620
rich face?
119
00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,980
Why did he reject me?
120
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:56,200
He even took the Mexicans, for goodness
sake. They can't even pray anymore.
121
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:03,460
Hey, look at this shirt. Four dollars in
Old Navy, but it's free on the street.
122
00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:05,580
Woo! Russell, mute your woos, boy.
123
00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:07,500
There's a seven -headed beast afoot.
124
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:09,279
Woo -hoo.
125
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,139
There you go.
126
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:13,240
Why have you forsaken me, Lord?
127
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,080
Reverend, the beast. Don't you shush me.
I'll say whatever I want. Oh,
128
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:20,640
come on.
129
00:08:21,020 --> 00:08:22,960
I thought I was going to be young again.
130
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:25,180
I don't know where people are getting
this.
131
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,980
Believe me. Look, I would love to be
back in my prime.
132
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:30,380
It's not happening. So where's my
virgins?
133
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,580
That's actually a Muslim thing.
134
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,539
Well, how about you just take me, Lord?
135
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:40,840
Take me? What's that big, booming horse
here?
136
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,360
What? No.
137
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,340
Smells like olives.
138
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:48,360
Excuse me? Come on. No. Make me look
like Dolly Parton. Make me look however
139
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:52,660
want. I don't care. Dogs, anything, and
old tires. No, no, no. What turns you
140
00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:53,660
on? No.
141
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,740
This is heaven.
142
00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:56,440
I ain't supposed to get rejected.
143
00:08:57,550 --> 00:09:01,350
But, Granny, if I have sex with you,
it's not heaven for me.
144
00:09:02,730 --> 00:09:04,750
Who turned on the rapture?
145
00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:11,050
You told me to. That was a parable, son.
We've been over this. How is yes,
146
00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:16,230
Thursday, whatever, a parable? I don't
know. It was probably one of Satan's
147
00:09:16,230 --> 00:09:19,050
tricks. The guy is always messing with
us.
148
00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:21,610
After all, we're decimated by injuries.
149
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:25,070
You say that whenever you don't listen
to me. You never listen!
150
00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:30,090
Anything you like.
151
00:09:40,970 --> 00:09:41,970
What's the safe word?
152
00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:45,370
Man,
153
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,190
them Jews was funny.
154
00:09:47,970 --> 00:09:49,390
Hey, man, what's this speaker for?
155
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:52,910
That there's a back left tweeter. You
know, supporting character dialogue.
156
00:09:53,770 --> 00:09:57,290
How come I don't hear nothing? Well, Q's
a main character, Amy, and that comes
157
00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:59,190
out of the front main. You ain't the
main character.
158
00:09:59,410 --> 00:10:03,010
James Bond is the one. Well, obviously
James Bond is a main character, dammit.
159
00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:04,510
Guys, guys, guys.
160
00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:08,890
You're killing the vibe in here. That
speaker's only for dialogue coming from
161
00:10:08,890 --> 00:10:12,870
behind, and you guys have it routed
through the subwoofer somehow, which is,
162
00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,790
course, rolling off all the highs, which
I'm not even going to get into that
163
00:10:15,790 --> 00:10:16,709
with you right now.
164
00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:19,610
Just give me 15 minutes. I'll work on it
later on. Who even cares?
165
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:23,450
Life is merely a fantasy drape.
166
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:24,670
in confusion.
167
00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:29,390
The curtain is yanked back from the
charade.
168
00:10:29,650 --> 00:10:32,030
Could you grab my skull bong from the
reverend, please?
169
00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:34,770
Yeah.
170
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:40,010
Rapture got called off early.
171
00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:43,550
You think we might be able to borrow
some clothes here?
172
00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:45,929
Here you go.
173
00:10:45,930 --> 00:10:46,930
Outdated laptop.
174
00:10:47,350 --> 00:10:49,110
Cover them fangs with that. Wait, early.
175
00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:53,670
What are you watching in there? Is that
Shrek? Two.
13380
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