All language subtitles for squidbillies_s03e10_the_appalachian_mud_squid

Somehow I got final meningitis.

Injecting all that hashbray in my spine.

It's a super cheap way to party.

If you ain't killed some brain cells
empty time.

Good luck getting that child support
check from him now. My turn.

Hey, let me grab that thing. Come on.

the tram.

The mountains of North Georgia, home to
a species long thought extinct.

I don't even like Superman.

I like Spider -Man.

The Appalachian mud squid.

For months, we tracked their migration,
only to learn that they rarely move,

except when they're attempting to de
-scramble the HBO.

Home box office.

Intricate tribal markings are used for
such purposes as attracting a mate.

Or intimidating colleagues.

And some markings appear to be
pointless.

This tax needs to be left justified, and
you better start kerning that son of a

bitch better than you've been adoring.
You're making me look like a damn fool

living a bar fight.

While the dominant male is out foraging
for convoluted expressions of himself,

the elderly and cubs are left to fend
for themselves, finding nutrition

they can.

I don't see why we don't just eat the
peanut butter if we're so hungry.

No, I don't need that, but it's probably
separating trans fats from my diet.

Each week, the mud squids gather over
their kill for Sunday dinner.

Now, I was able to observe this
endangered species up close by mimicking

sexism regarding race car driver Danica
Patrick.

So it's utter folly to assume that she
could even properly work a dick shift,

you know.

Other than that, if her husband and
provider, if you follow my rival

Thank you. About damn time. The
Mammaroids gets in the way of the damn

It's just basic anatomy.

There ought to not be no damn woman
behind the wheel of no damn race car.

Daddy, that girl's done pretty good. We
can't all be men, Rusty.

Somebody has to be the loser.

The only race she ought to be running is
the race to start a litter of young

'uns.

And get pregnant and make some beds. You
done yet? Is that it? Are you done?

Yes. Damn lady babble.

Re -dredging topics has done been
settled from the mouth of man.

Go bow your damn heads.

We thank you, Lord, for mans like
myself.

Males of the masculine variety.

Winners, all of us. And we thank you for
the womans, too. And how you made them

out of a part of a man that he don't
never need nor want to live by our rules

and our pleasures.

The chicken is good.

Amen. I made a special dessert.

Some of my famous Calvin on a stick.
Damn it, Granny.

The cameraman's name was Kenneth.
Respect the dead.

That can't be right. Kenneth is behind
the planter.

Oh, no. Good heavens, no.

Kenneth, you're always crazy.

Rusty got the lens cap.

Go ahead, make a wish.

Look out, though. It'll go straight to
your hips.

Early, I don't believe this. He come at
me with a lens cap. You're in a

dangerous species.

Shh, shh, shh. Shut up now. This is the
scene where I get the mouth herpes.

Early, come on out of there.

It's my sworn duty to protect you so
future generations can somehow

well, whatever the hell it is you do.

I'll grab you up in that damn door right
now.

I'm off to my natural habitat.

Hell yeah!

Early, that's a jaguar. More like a
paguar.

Oh, now, easy.

Ancient stones may break your bones.
Hell yeah, baby!

Why did I say that?

You

see

that? The way I power drive that cat, I
call that move the early riser. He was

paralyzed. He was dead.

I shot him.

And then you cleaned and dressed his
carcass for 30 minutes. Oh, Monday

quarterback. Hell, you've seen what I've
done.

Hey, check this out. Early.

Early. That's high voltage.

You... Hey, now. What'd you say? Early.
What was that? Can you mind redirecting?

Early, can you mind redirecting that?

I'm sorry. Didn't hear you. That's a
power line.

You'll get... Oh!

Early. Credit.

Stop. I'm done. I'm done.

Thank you.

Oh! No!

It never gets old. Oh, come on!

Howdy, Reverend. Reverend.

Hell of a sermon last week.

Oh, victory.

Oh, man, that ink was hell on my jaguar
cuts. Oh!

Oh.

Jaguars slashed open my Achilles early.

You think you can give me a hand here?

Give you a hand?

Yeah, I'd be wonderful.

Hell, I'm sorry! Sick of living in your
damn police state.

Like a damn minified cuber.

I killed a jaguar today.

God. Woo -hoo! Hell yeah, Debbie, you
are wild as hell. You got yourself a

earring, boy. What?

You know, like Harrison Ford, you know,
in his private life. Which side?

It's on the right.

Oh, hell!

I switch teams in the night!

Oh, God.

keys, I guess.

Get me a boyfriend.

Hell, I ain't getting no damn younger.

That's a tagging device, Early.

I use it to track your whereabouts from
this chopper here.

Look at me.

Who's this fancy model limping by?

He must do D -Y, actually. Matches.

This one here is a toasted cinnamon, and
this one here is clearly a Tuscan

cranberry. And he knows, too, because
he's gay. I'll come out on my own terms,

Rusty. Now you get me my drinking party
liquor.

Well, this is a child's safety lock,
Rusty. Step aside. I got the key.

Trigger lock on that one.

Safety is paramount. What the?

My truck boat truck!

You like it, Early? This is one of those
safety sedans from across the pond.

They've got airbags on the outside so
that folks that you hit get protection,

too.

When you go off on one of them tears of
yours, you know.

Aw, all right.

There you go.

Stay clear, everyone.

Endangered animal is starting the car
now.

Now he's wrapping his lips.

Oh, hell.

Whoa, whoa there, Romeo.

Hell, can't you wait till I'm dead?

I'll still be warm for a half hour. Oh,
Early, it's mouth to mouth.

I know what it is.

Just cause I got myself a Swedish sea
dine, you think I'm a homo. Yeah, you

the ear bob, didn't you? You got the
wrong idea.

Is that it?

I need some emergency attention, too.

Hurley, you can't die.

You're the last of your kind. You got
the future of the whole species to think

of. Future? I say live in the now. Come
on, Rusty. We're going to the moon.

Go into the light, Early. A liquor
store. Don't go into the liquor store in

light, either. A liquor store?

Early, don't. No.

Oh. There is a liquor store.

Easy.

Easy.

Shoot it. Now, while it's back, it's
turn.

Oh, you want a challenge? Well, I'm
shouting in your ear.

Whoa, whoa.

Mr. Haven.

Lawman.

Sorry to trouble you, but you ain't
running an endangered species game ranch

here now, are you? Oh, please, of course
not.

Shoot it in the face. Don't harm the
torso. That's where the powder is

Yeah, but I can't let you... You don't
understand. In their culture, squid

powder is an aphrodisiac.

I am getting slightly aroused.

Ma 'am.

For God's sake, lawman, they're trying
to conceive.

And you want to deny them?

How about you just catch them and throw
them back in when you're done? How about

you take one of these keychains? There.

It's like a real pet.

I don't know if I'm responsible enough.

Oh, look at that little thing. It's just
precious, ain't it?

Just don't push the bedtime button. I'm
trying to see what sleep deprivation

will do to it. I always wanted to
travel.

According to Japan.

I wish my bones were an aphrodisiac.

But they are not, so no Japan for you.

I know.

I'll be back early. You just make sure
you have another litter ready.

Now, don't you worry about that. We keep
the business and the family.

Ain't that right, little gal?

She'll be fine. Here, your payment is
this object I happen to be holding in my

hand.

Aw. Oh, look at you. You hungry?

We all hungry. Go get yourself a damn
job.

Oh, you're crying now.

Then I'll give you something to cry
about.

Why do we always hurt the ones we hit?

Hey, Daddy?

Daddy? Have yourself a good time in
Japan now.

Say hey to Mario and all his mushroom
buddies for me. Daddy, can I have a

I'm kind of thirsty. I got cotton mouth
from all the... from all the hydration.

Oh, stop.

Why can't you be more like your sister,
Yamagachi?