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1
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,920
I gave all my best years to that woman.
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All she gave me was mouthfeel.
3
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A miracle straight from the launch of
Jesus.
4
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Since Charlie blew off both my tiptees.
5
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1969, Cameron Bay. I'm done.
6
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I'm done.
7
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Come on.
8
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Touch the tram.
9
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,040
Hey, y 'all hear that?
10
00:00:45,820 --> 00:00:46,820
No.
11
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,280
Wasn't it a ghost?
12
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:49,400
No, it wasn't a ghost.
13
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,579
Was it you?
14
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:54,880
No, no, no. Shh, shh. I can't tell who's
talking right now.
15
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,100
Was it me? No, no, no, Granny. It wasn't
you.
16
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:02,910
Well, I just did say something. Shut up,
Granny. You shut up. I think it's a
17
00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:07,570
plump little cockroach. Just a run in
his fat little tender meaty belly across
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00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:08,570
the concrete.
19
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He's gonna hear us.
20
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:12,570
I can't say nothing.
21
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No, you gotta lay down. Open up your
mouth, and then you hope and you pray
22
00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,050
he'll crawl his sweet little ass up in
there.
23
00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:24,630
Gentlemen, hot sauce smothers the head
and legs.
24
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She got a nice little snack there. Ain't
got no hot sauce. Don't you ruin my
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00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:31,560
fantasia.
26
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:39,540
What now?
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00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:44,400
I said, it's been hard for all of us,
son.
28
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Living down here without hot sauce.
29
00:01:47,660 --> 00:01:48,800
What that sound is?
30
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,040
You find something up?
31
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:51,840
Down straight. That's me, isn't it?
32
00:01:58,070 --> 00:01:59,070
Hello?
33
00:02:05,590 --> 00:02:07,790
Anybody in there? Not on my watch.
34
00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:10,310
Who the hell are you, machine?
35
00:02:11,510 --> 00:02:13,190
It's just me, the sheriff.
36
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:16,870
He's right.
37
00:02:16,910 --> 00:02:17,910
It's just him.
38
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Sheriff. Please, please.
39
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Secure. Maybe too secure.
40
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Early? Stop it. Oh, it's just spraying
emotions.
41
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Replicant. No, no. Fine, bark, hook my
ass now, you filthy -ass robot. Hey,
42
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Daddy, I think it really is a sheriff.
43
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It's me, the sheriff.
44
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No, tell us what year it is, robot, and
don't you lie to me.
45
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Two, two, two thousand, thousand, three.
46
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Hell, we survived the Y2K.
47
00:02:59,660 --> 00:03:00,660
Where Uncle Shannon at?
48
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,460
Shannon, you've gone and deep -fried
yourself.
49
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,620
Why, Shannon? Why?
50
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:12,160
Right, y 'all?
51
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:13,700
Why?
52
00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,340
Give, learn, and bring.
53
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:21,640
And that there is why I don't abide with
no damn computers. No, sir.
54
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,160
I don't remember that happening, Early.
Because it ain't yet, dumbass. It's
55
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,800
about to. Read your damn scriptures.
56
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,880
So I'm assuming y 'all don't want my old
PDA, huh?
57
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,220
No, but I'll take that fine -ass belt
holster.
58
00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:37,820
Well, I got a mask to make it do. Well,
just press this button here.
59
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,000
Whoa! Sorry about that, Rusty.
60
00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,640
That's my private collection of erotica.
Is that what that is?
61
00:03:45,020 --> 00:03:47,220
Forgot that was on there. Call it to the
landfill.
62
00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:51,040
It ain't welcome amongst us. Early
today's world runs on computers.
63
00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:55,400
If Rusty has a mind for this, he might
even be counting in a few years.
64
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,340
Numbers? Numbers?
65
00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:01,540
Numbers was created by the prehistoric
Hispanics so they could save all the
66
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:02,540
from the Romans.
67
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,920
Dinosaurs, too.
68
00:04:03,980 --> 00:04:04,980
Hell, yeah.
69
00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:08,020
Uh, dinosaurs what?
70
00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:10,140
Computers, yeah.
71
00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,180
Romans.
72
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,959
Look, all's I'm saying is it might help
the boy get a job one day. He don't need
73
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:17,739
no job.
74
00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:18,779
He got him a trade.
75
00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:20,779
Hey, Clare.
76
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,800
That's all.
77
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Go ahead and breathe it in.
78
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,220
Well, the coal dust brazier ain't good
enough for his granny.
79
00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:07,730
You can see he's already taken to it.
Look at him over there. Look, Daddy. I
80
00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:08,750
all my contacts in here.
81
00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:12,990
You think you can compute so good? Then
how about you computing some damn food
82
00:05:12,990 --> 00:05:13,990
on our table?
83
00:05:15,990 --> 00:05:17,750
See these dots here? And those are fish.
84
00:05:18,370 --> 00:05:20,490
And that big one right there, that big
dot, that's us.
85
00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:22,630
I don't like fish.
86
00:05:22,850 --> 00:05:23,850
It's too shiny.
87
00:05:23,870 --> 00:05:27,590
I like me some whitetails. Well, this is
just sonar. I mean, you can't do all
88
00:05:27,590 --> 00:05:28,590
this. I eat whitetails!
89
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:31,850
All right. So this is us.
90
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,080
And all these dogs surrounded the
whitetail deer.
91
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,360
So all we had to do was blow up the dam?
Uh -huh.
92
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:42,760
Hey, who blow up the dam?
93
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:43,799
We did, Granny.
94
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:44,800
With computers.
95
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,280
Oh.
96
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:51,040
You're so smart. I ain't even a wet
whitetail. You gonna make this thing fix
97
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,660
four -wheeler. Make it fix my four
-wheeler.
98
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,280
So I done hooked the computer up this
chapter here.
99
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,800
But then I noticed you just ain't got no
tire.
100
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,480
I know I got cars.
101
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:03,030
So bash it again.
102
00:06:04,650 --> 00:06:07,290
Nope, no tire. You've got to hook it to
the tire, boy.
103
00:06:07,610 --> 00:06:08,610
That's your issue.
104
00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:13,510
Okay, well, I... Still no tire. Bash.
New.
105
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:18,310
Refresh. New tire. There are limits to
what it can do, Daddy. It's only got 4K
106
00:06:18,310 --> 00:06:20,810
of memory. So it ain't gonna give me
back my tire? Is that what you're
107
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:23,350
Well, Daddy, not everything can be fixed
by computers.
108
00:06:23,910 --> 00:06:27,810
Yes, you're wrong, but as good as...
But, Daddy, this is my passion. Passion
109
00:06:27,810 --> 00:06:28,709
for smashing.
110
00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:29,710
No, Daddy, no!
111
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:30,790
Don't you defy me!
112
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,340
Let's just see if he can out -compute a
bullet. Oh, you're going to have to
113
00:06:34,340 --> 00:06:35,340
shoot me first.
114
00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,580
You did shoot me first.
115
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,040
That I did.
116
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,540
But I must never be crossed.
117
00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:47,320
Now, may Satan sodomize you in deepest
hell!
118
00:06:49,420 --> 00:06:50,680
What the... Oh, my God!
119
00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:52,160
My program worked!
120
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,480
Rusty's program had not worked. It was
merely a list of Judas Priest songs that
121
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:58,480
he felt...
122
00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:03,570
Kicked ass. What had happened, in fact,
was that the PDA had become self -aware.
123
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,430
By 9 .15, it had built a series of
companions.
124
00:07:06,790 --> 00:07:10,090
And by noon, a robotic army was sweeping
countryside.
125
00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:16,490
Damn it! What did I tell y 'all? Repeat
what I told you! I know, I know.
126
00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:20,430
Hey, have you seen my foot?
127
00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:22,030
Don't think so.
128
00:07:22,090 --> 00:07:24,510
I have got the sharpest pain in my
ankle.
129
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,470
It's been bugging me all afternoon.
130
00:07:29,870 --> 00:07:31,390
Come on up here. It ain't so bad.
131
00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:37,830
In fact, not bad at all. In a short
period of time, the computers
132
00:07:37,830 --> 00:07:40,450
improved the quality of life in Dougal
County.
133
00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:45,150
And before long, every man, woman, and
child enjoyed the benefits of being
134
00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:46,150
roped.
135
00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:48,870
Damn it. Let me just do one more on
that.
136
00:07:49,190 --> 00:07:50,190
All right.
137
00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:55,130
And before long, every man, woman, and
child enjoyed the benefits of being
138
00:07:55,130 --> 00:07:58,310
lorded over by an evil robotic army.
139
00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:03,010
I tell you, Early, these computers have
really made things easier.
140
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:06,270
Why, just this morning, they updated my
whole criminal database.
141
00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:08,330
Public security.
142
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:12,510
No, no, no, no, no. That is in the
forbidden zone. Hell, I don't even know
143
00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,130
that is. I'm coming to speak.
144
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:16,030
I'm in front of it.
145
00:08:16,750 --> 00:08:20,310
Well, I am, too, after 11 beers, but not
on the side of the church.
146
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,670
Busted.
147
00:08:25,790 --> 00:08:27,770
So, heat and pressure.
148
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,800
And not indiscriminate smashing.
149
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,679
Okay, I'll try it.
150
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,480
Diamond?
151
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:41,940
Yeah, it's a diamond.
152
00:08:42,299 --> 00:08:43,299
Yes!
153
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,020
At last!
154
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,560
Street cred is mine!
155
00:08:48,940 --> 00:08:54,540
Quickly, summon forth some bitches from
the country for a pansexual adventure!
156
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:04,000
How's that spreadsheet coming? I told
you, you're not my supervisor, so... Oh,
157
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,620
no, too much.
158
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,020
You get the hang of it. Grab the job.
159
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,240
Anybody for coffee?
160
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,300
What's that for?
161
00:10:06,380 --> 00:10:08,620
You're glad they didn't convert us.
162
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:11,960
I'm happy just the way I am.
163
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,920
They might just beat me, but what
difference does it make what they do
164
00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,840
closed doors? Oh, what's next?
165
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:22,780
You gonna provide a stable and loving
yet unorthodox home to some adopted
166
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:27,560
'uns? Rusty, we played basketball with
that robot. Same damn blockeroo. You got
167
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,180
the half -cocked on the basketball team.
168
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,400
The fire raged on for three years.
169
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,680
filling the air with toxic lead.
170
00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:42,720
But finally, Dougal County was free of
the computers and their gay marriages.
171
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:45,180
Life was made simple once again.
172
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,720
Come on, boy.
173
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:52,440
Don't forget the standard deduction,
Daddy. Standard deduction?
174
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:53,379
What the?
175
00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:56,280
You just do the pulling. I'll do the
damn taxes in this family.
176
00:11:23,470 --> 00:11:24,470
We're clear.
13404
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