All language subtitles for horrible_histories_s10e12_rotten_romans_in_britain

Horrible history.

Horrible history presents Rotten Romans
in Britain.

It's 55 BC.

The Roman Empire has expanded out of
Italy and now turns its attention on

Britannia. My name is Gaius Julius
Caesar, governor of Gaul and commander

legions of the north. And I will have my
conquest in this invasion or the next.

The next?

What, you think we're going to fail?

No, it's just a saying, Marcus. Is it?
Are we really going to do this now?

Sorry.

Julius Caesar.

The White Cliffs of Dover.

Marcus, prepare the invasion.

And at my signal, unleash hell.

Or we just keep sailing.

So what? Well, it's just those cliffs
look quite high, and there's a lot of

naked Britons up there waving their
swords.

And waving other things as well,
actually.

Ah! Oh, OK, then my signal, keep sailing
until we find somewhere easier to

land.

Rome's legendary conquest of Britain
begins a bit further along the coast.

Prepare to land the troops!

We go over the side!

Er, Caesar, those nudie Britons are
back.

Oh, seriously?

I mean, if you don't want to wear
armour, then fine, but underwear's just

He came, he saw, he conquered.

Good line. Might use that in my book.

Although, it's a bit more, he came, he
saw, he waited on the boat at the

Why are we still on the boat, Marcus?
Well, the men don't like the look of all

those angry warriors waiting on the
beach.

It'll take a real leader of men to start
this charge.

Oh, yeah.

Yep.

Charge!

Caesar, our legion's standard bearer has
gone in. The army is following.

Oh, well... Save me the trouble, because
I was definitely about to leave them in

myself. Oh, yeah. Or me.

Cursed you for getting there first,
actually.

When the might of the Roman legions came
to Britain, nothing could stop them.

Well, at least for a few weeks, anyway.

It's freezing.

It is really cold.

Don't like the look of those clouds,
either.

Don't suppose it's too soon to go home?

I guess we did win that battle on the
beach, and we did take that bunch of

hostages. All right, Julian.

Still naked.

Very much so. And I'm fine with that. I
mean, we have been here, like, three

weeks. It's probably long enough.

Yeah.

Right, pack up! Back on the ships!

For a limited time only, invasion of
Britannia, 55 BC.

Caesar came.

He saw.

He left pretty quickly.

Yeah, we'll come back in the summer!

Yeah, sure. I mean, everyone loves to
see... And then next year...

He came back and did almost exactly the
same thing.

Invasion of Britannia, 55 BC.

Oh, hi.

I'm Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus
Germanicus, or Emperor Nero, to the

you. Pre -Roman Britain was a pretty
weird place.

And so who better to guide you through
some of the changes we Romans made in

Britain than me?

Oh, no!

Boudicca, warrior queen of the Athenite
tribe of Britain and leader of an

uprising against our Roman occupiers.

You finished?

People like her made our quest to
improve Britain difficult.

They weren't improving, they were
invading. Julius Caesar was the first to

it and he invaded twice.

Caesar didn't stay long, but that didn't
stop him from writing books about his

adventures for his fans back home.

Oh, I run in my mouth.

Is she going to be like this all the
time?

Salve, Antonia.

Oh, salve, Diana.

Oh, salve, Lavinia.

What are you reading?

Caesar's new book about... ...invading
Britain.

Did you read how in Britain, Caesar says
they ride in their chariots, showing

off acrobatic skills mid -battle?

And how they feel.

Oh, I can't reach the bum sponge.

Now I'm going to have to get up.

I hear the women have great style. They
paint their nails and their faces with

berries. So chic.

Looks like someone read the bit in the
book about putting dye in their skin.

It's a different way of life, and I find
it... I don't know what all the fuss is

about. Them Britons can't even read or
write.

I think Caesar makes Britain sound...
exciting.

Yeah, we don't want to live there,
though. Sure, Tony.

By Jove, no.

The people sound like... filthy savages.

It's been 90 years since Caesar failed
to conquer Britain. Rome, as the new

emperor, determined to finish the job.
It's going to take one tough dog -wearer

to risk everything in this hellhole.

I'm Emperor Claudius, and this is the
real survival.

Step away.

Defense.

You're on an island filled with
bloodthirsty warriors and druids.

Staying alive through the night is going
to be a challenge. You're going to need

protection. And you're going to need it
first.

Look around you. What do you see?

Nothing but trees and dirt.

But trees and dirt, with training and
basic tools, can become a fortress.

A fortress can keep you alive when
everybody around you wants you dead.

But what I like to do is stay 900 miles
away in a row and let my General Pauline

and the army do the hard work.

When you're faced with that...

Being somewhere completely different is
a very effective way of staying alive.

Step two, stop a rebellion.

You've finally arrived in Great Britain
because the war has already been won.

But now you have to win at the peak, and
each locals will rebel at the drop of a

helmet. You need to be prepared, and
that means using what's around you. Look

around you, what do you see?

A stone can be used as a mirror.

And wood?

It's good for keeping the fire going at
night.

Staying well lit and armed is vitally
important in a hostile situation.

But what I like to do is bring an
elephant.

It's unlikely the locals will have seen
an elephant.

What's that I'll say?

And I'll say, that's an elephant. And
they'll say, cool, I've never seen one

those. Let's not rebel.

Probably. Who cares?

I've got an elephant.

I love it when they do that.

Extreme elephant.

Tip three.

Conquer more of the island, so you're
safer from attack.

You have secured the South East, but
it's going to take years to spread your

rule across this new and dangerous
island.

You've got decades of hard work and
danger ahead of you.

But what I'd like to do is go home after
16 days.

Let the army do the rest.

Going home to Rome seriously reduces
your chances of being killed abroad.

And that's extreme survival.

Let's bounce.

I forgot my elephant.

After Claudius's invasion was a
success... Beautiful is what

she means.

As I was saying, after Claudius's
invasion was a success, Britain became

the Roman family.

Many Romans who came to live and work
here set about making the place feel

like Rome. That meant changing a few
things.

Yes, it would have been nice if they'd
have asked.

OK.

Do you mind if we change a few things
here in Britain?

Yes. Actually... La, la, la, la, la, la,
la. Not listening. I didn't mean the

question anyway.

Friends. Britain.

Customers. Thank you for shopping at
your local market. And just to say,

owns the brown chariot out front, can
you move it, please, because your horse

keeps biting everyone.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

I'm getting a bit fed up of my British
diet of dried peas.

My friends told me that you stock
something called apples. Yes, apples are

of our new exciting Roman import, so
that's in the foreign food section.

Here's an apple.

Oh, wow, look.

It's all round and shiny.

Yeah. OK, I'll take one and I'll cook it
for dinner. You don't have to cook it,

madam. You what?

Yeah, you can just eat it. Go on.

Sort of.

Yeah, I mean... No, don't put it back.

Yeah, there's a lot of exciting stuff
coming in for a moment. We've got

grapes, cherries.

Cabbage. What about this? What's this
thing?

Ah, now that's a Roman invention, and
it's a kind of pastry filled with a ham

sauce. It's called a pie.

Pie? A pie.

Sorry, did you say sauce surrounded by
pastry?

I don't think that'll ever catch on in
Britain.

Look, foods like pie can be
intimidating, but... I think I've got

you. All right, this is the toast of
Rome.

It's called garum. It's a spread that
goes on pretty much everything.

Oh, lovely.

What's it made of?

Rotten fish guts.

Oh,

I'm going to stick the peas.

Suit yourself.

At least you know where you are with the
peas.

Don't actually work here.

Hi, I'm Gnaeus Julius Agricola. During
the first century, I was the Roman

governor of Britain.

But what do you think I introduced in
Britain to make it feel more like home

us Romans?

Did I, A, make the Britons wear Roman
togas, B, make the Britons speak in

or C, make the Britons fill Roman
bathhouses?

And the answer is, all three.

And life's much better now, isn't it, my
little Roman -Briton friend?

Er, I guess.

And some of our traditions have
survived, like our horse jewellery.

that. On the other hand, we have lost
quite a lot of our Britain ways, too.

But... On the plus side, these togas are
nice and hairy. Oh, you're supposed to

use the bathhouses, not just build them.
Oh, sorry.

Hey,

besties.

This week has been absolutely wild here
in our new Roman colony of Britain. What

with my epic toga haul and my... Big
amphitheater trip. So I've headed down

the new hot spot called the Aquasoulis.

Aquasoulis. It's a huge heated Roman
bath complex. Probably the first of its

kind in Britain.

So I brought my BFF or best play
forever, Mel, because she's amazing and

I love her.

Also, I need someone to pop my pimple.

She's super loving it.

Yeah, this is a caldarium, which means
hot bath.

And it's been heated by three different
thermal springs.

That's science, Beck.

Oh, now.

What are you doing?

Oh, sorry. I'm just chucking some coins
into the spring for good luck.

If you really want some good luck, ditch
the beard and get a toga.

You look like you're about to tame an
owl and start a folk band.

Am I right?

I'm already in a folk band, actually.

Really good as well.

Seriously?

You're throwing crockery at me now?
Yeah, it's an ancient Britain tradition.

give all sorts of offerings to the
water.

Bowls, plates, jewellery, bracelets.

Mel! So, besties, the Roman bath can be
super relaxing, but watch out for this

beardy -weardy thrown treasure at you.

Oh, no, no, it's not just me. Come on,
guys.

I don't know, I'm having fun. Don't
forget to like and subscribe.

The houses of the past transformed into
the Roman houses of the future.

Welcome to Your Home Made Roman.

Today, two Britain homeowners meet with
Roman architect Frontier to see what can

be done to bring their home up to the
first century. As they say in Rome,

go inside.

You know what? I think they say that
everywhere.

So this is a typical Britain's home.

Oh, I can see why a change is needed.

How long have you been living in these
terrible conditions?

Five. Our family's been living on this
farm for hundreds of years.

This land... Oh, and the land is what we
adore.

The views as I came in. Oh, magnificent.

Cheers. We farm it ourselves. But the
house itself?

Savage. Okay, so please join me on your
home.

Made Roman.

VR headsets on, everyone.

So, this is your house.

Look how the round walls bring everyone
together.

It's awful.

But with a few tiny changes, such as
knocking the whole thing down, we can

a fantastic new Roman villa. Okay, this
is not... And check out these more cons.

We've got this underfloor heating system
called a hippocost, plus running water,

and we've even added a latrine.

A toilet.

For poo -poo. A toilet?

You dirty... No, no, no, no, no, no,
look.

You just pop your bottom over the
trompole and... Oh, goodness, that

is posh.

I just remembered that's virtual
reality.

Sorry.

Oh, what do you think?

We loved it. I couldn't believe it was
still my own home. Oh, no, it's not

to be your home.

It's going to be theirs.

Who are they?

That's the Roman general and his wife.

A home like this is not for the likes of
you.

They're going to be taking the villa.

And the land it seeks not. You can't ask
us to leave our own home. I'm not

asking. On the other hand, it is only
some round walls that's roving in

centuries of history and family
tradition.

So, Pontius, you've really designed the
perfect Roman home for them.

Say goodbye, Prosto and Eleona.

No, seriously, you need to leave now.

Come on, it's not my fault.

And there you have it. The Romans
weren't really here to improve the lives

Britons at all.

They were here to improve their own
life.

Well, we are more important.

No.

We needed to fight back and get the
Romans to leave our land. I led my

the Iceni, in a revolt against the
Romans in 60 AD.

You'd think all the other Britons would
have rallied to our cause, but no. Some

were too busy fighting each other, and
others even fought alongside the Romans.

Sorting out the beasts of the past.

I don't care if Spartan soldiers do
fight in the nude, Mr Leonidas.

With the justice of today.

In my courtroom, you will wear trousers.

Welcome to Eyebeats with Judge Rindel.

Today in the courtroom, it's Queen
Cartimandua of the ancient British

tribe against her husband, King
Venutius. I love married couples on the

She's a day traitor, Your Honour. He's
the traitor?

I should have seen that coming.

What on earth is going on?

He sided with the Romans and turned on
our own people. You betrayed us. You

betrayed me.

Right.

Hey!

Put the weapons down.

I'm a judge, not a couple therapist. How
is any of this squabbling relevant in

any event?

Because it started a civil war. People
who supported her versus people who

supported me. Our tribe fighting itself,
or we should have been fighting the

Romans. He started a civil war. I ended
it by beating him with a little support

from the Romans. Who's doing it?

I am!

It probably would have been best to
search people for weapons before people

into court, Bailey.

Look, I assume the two of you want a
divorce, yes?

No! I just want you to order her to stop
talking to the Romans and stay married

to me. You want to stay married even
though the two of you fought a civil

Ah, the heart wants what it wants. My
darling Carty, I promise to make you the

happiest warrior queen in all Britain.

I promise. Proposal in court?

Oh, goodness me, I should have had my
hair done. This clip is going to go

I've already upgraded to a better
husband.

He's such a honk.

He's my armour bearer. Ain't no hard
feelings, mate, yeah?

Look, the only way to resolve this is
through open and mindful dialogue.

Or a war.

You're going down, Carty. Someone bring
me my armour.

Not you.

No hard feelings, mate.

Whatevs. I'm leaving the country anyway,
and I'm way too good for you. Bye.

Well, what am I supposed to do now?

I had a celebratory romantic dinner
planned. I've got a free evening.

Oh, come on, then. Get in.

What a cute couple.

A taste of mist.

Sometimes, life moves fast.

And as a Roman in Britain, we understand
how quickly we might have to move with

it. No, we have to get out of here. We
need to leave our valuables behind if

we're going to travel quickly. The
rebelling tribes are almost here. We

take everything.

No!

That's why we at Hordes Bank have come
up with the perfect way for you to keep

your money safe when you're in a hurry.

By digging a hole and burying your gold
in the ground.

Really?

The cows are coming! Run for your lives!

Burying your valuables is the perfect
100 % self -service Roman savings

And opening your account couldn't be
simpler.

You dig the hole.

You put the treasure in the hole. You
fill the hole in again.

That's it, let's go!

Come on!

In your horse bank account, or hole as
we call them, your pot of valuables is

safe. And at the end of the savings
period, you'll get back exactly what you

in. Plus interest. Or mud.

as we call it.

And maybe some worms, too.

You can keep those!

Yum! Thousands of Romans use Hoard's
Bank in Britain alone.

So, when you're going to be away from
home or under attack, why not bury those

worries, keeping your valuables safe for
one month, one year, or even forever?

If you've forgotten where you buried it.

Oh, no!

Hornsback, keeping your valuables really
safe.

Why am I so forgetful?

Gee, guys, I know what you're thinking.

That soldier's hair's looking fine.

How does he stay so up to date with
fashions in Rome when he's stuck in the

middle of nowhere?

I know. Well, it's true. I've been
stationed in our new territory,

for a while now.

But even this far away from home, me and
the others have a clever way of staying

current with Roman fashions. So do we,
A, look at pictures of people in the

latest gossip scrolls? B, wait for
letters from our families telling us

everyone's wearing?

Or C, get our fashion tips from coins?

The answer is C. We use the latest coins
that come over from Italy, like this.

They have pictures on them of our
ruler's head.

And they always have the hottest new
hairstyle.

Yeah, look at that.

You know what?

I think this might be the Empress' mum
on the coin.

Still, she looks fantastic.

Baba!

One part of Britain the Romans really
struggled to conquer was Scotland.

We Picts were way too feisty for them to
handle. And so in the end, they built

Hadrian's Wall to block us out.

Rude! The Roman soldier babies also
didn't like the lovely Scottish weather.

the Romans started wearing new British
clothes to keep themselves warm and dry.

You've got to love this stuff.

As Romans, we all like to look good.

With the Bereth Britannica, you can look
good and be protected against the

elements. Made from thick wool and held
together with an ornamental clasp, the

Pyrrhus Britannicus is the hooded cloak
from Britain that's taking the Roman

Empire by storm.

So when that storm hits, you're
completely protected and you still look

good. I wouldn't say, like, completely
protected.

The height of style, the Pyrrhus
Britannicus works for every occasion.

But especially for when the weather's
bad.

I wasn't even wearing the cloak that
time, guys.

Will you stop doing that?

The Bearest Britannicas make you look
hot even when the weather's not.

Buy now from your local Roman Empire
fashion outlet.

Yeah, it's not bad, actually.

So, yes, as you can see, fashion and
style were very important to us Romans.

Unlike some people, I could mention.
Hey, I am Dial.

Oh, yes.

What do you call this?

I call it woman with sword.

Ah, OK. You make a good point.

Moving on, then. To us Romans, coins
weren't just money or a way of giving

fashion advice.

They also helped show who was in charge
of the empire, although that could be

hard to keep track of. In the 3rd
century AD, we underwent a bit of a

Emperors kept getting assassinated, and
at one point, several different people

all claimed to be emperor at the same
time.

Please put that down.

Make me.

Are they shopkeeper?

Are they right by capture, mate? What
can I do for you? Well, you can bow to

your emperor.

Is that the emperor?

No, I'm the emperor.

So feel free to bow.

Shouldn't have to ask, really. I don't
recognise you from any of the coins.

Really? Check them.

Nope.

Nope. Honestly, it's pretty hard to
tell. There's been 27 emperors in 50

We've got two emperors at the same time
at the moment.

Diocletian and Maximian. And you don't
look like either of them. That's because

I'm the third emperor.

And now would be a good time to bow.

Still no. Okay.

Carothius, declare myself emperor of
Britain and bits of gold?

Mm -mm.

What a coin.

This proves it.

Bow time?

That doesn't prove nothing.

You can put anything on a coin nowadays.
I got bored the other day. Put my own

face on a coin.

Unbelievable. You're going to bow to her
on the basis of one coin?

Where's my bow?

I'm the actual emperor.

Well, my plan is emperor. Pretend
emperor.

Actual emperor is to make it so there's
just one set of coins.

Mine. Then everyone knows what they're
worth.

Because when people are making their own
coins, most of them are worth nothing.

Oh, so you're saying the more there are,
the less they're worth. Exactly.

So then it's just like emperors.

Right. When I make my new coins, you
can't have any. Mind my cabbages?

That's a bow, finally!

It wasn't a bow.

It's out!

You can't.

And there you have it.

We Romans controlled Britain until we
left here in the early part of the 5th

century. And it's fair to say that for
better or worse... Worse, if you ask me?

No -one did.

For better or worse, we transformed
Britain while we were here. Apparently

customary to finish with a song and is
lovely, is it?

I am a skilled musician, so it's time
for your ears to be bathed in the liquid

gold of a song about the things we
Romans did for you.

Probably better for all of us if someone
else does the song.

Stabbed in the bagpipe's heart.

Bye -bye.

Take care.

Oh, well.

After 400 years, the last of the Romans
has finally left.

Well, that's fine by me. We don't need
Rome any more. If anything, we should be

ruling ourselves.

Oh, I don't know.

Our whole life is Roman.

Rubbish. We were better off before the
Romans came and we're even better after.

The Romans said we were all savage
before they arrived.

Said we worshipped our gods by burning
our convicts alive.

Then Caesar invaded, not one time but
two.

Finally Emperor Claudius sent over a
crew who took over our isle.

And decided to stay quite a while.

But I say thank you to the Romans. They
brought us olive,

central heating cap and cabbage.

Can we live without them? They've been
here 400 years.

Gave us God to fear.

Taught us to read, write and number our
years.

So I say thank you to the Romans. for
coming over here

we lived in small settlements we

were all here for in tribes now

to the Romans.

We don't need you no more.

Don't worry, love.

We don't need the Romans and their
armies and their stupid laws.

You know what?

It's the becoming of us. Yes, the
Britons.

Finally, standing on our own two feet.

Do you know what? You're right.

It is nice to be independent again. Just
us Brits. Just us Brits.

Brinkers? Yeah.

What's that noise?

Suck to the virgin!

Run!